The Nick DiPaolo Show - DeSantis is Da-Man RE: Vaccines | Nick Di Paolo Show #582

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

No, Not Rachel! Buggin' Out. Mom, Is That You?

Hi, boys and girls. Nick DiPaolo here. Free speech lives right here on The Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm grateful to be able to do this show my way, and I'm only able to do it my way because of your generous contributions. Please go to nickdip.com or click the link on thecomicsgym.com and contribute today to keep this show and our speech free. Thank you so much. Yeah, there's no side effects of the Moderna vaccine.

Please. oh yeah oh yeah, welcome to the show. I love the smell of grape hum in the morning. How you doing folks? Great to be with you on a Wednesday. A Wednesday. I gotta tell this story real quick before I forget. My dog's a fucking yapper.

I would have never got the thing if I knew it was a yapper because I don't like little yappy dogs. I fucking love this dog. I think it's a lesbian. Very tough. Loves to brawl. Literally comes over and starts pawing me

and wants me to choke her and stuff. Girls like that. They're in sex. Anyways, what? Anyway, she starts barking for no reason last night. She gets like that during sex. Anyways, what? Anyway, she starts barking for no reason last night. She gets like a sugar rush. She's literally running around, ping-ponging

off the walls of the couch. I mean it 100 miles an hour. Like fucking meth crazy. And she won't stop yapping. So she comes towards me. I have these shoes on. You see, I don't, I step on the heels. So they're not really secured.

Anyways, as you know, we have a ton of work done on our house inside. And we have paper down, you know, that the construction workers can, the contractors can walk on. So I start chasing the dog in these shoes because I want to flick my right shoe at her. Not hit her, just scare her. As I'm running after her, my left shoe comes off. I go to kick the right one. I'm on slippery paper. Both feet come out. I'm horizontal. Smash my back of my head. This is how people get paralyzed, like when they slip in a tub. But what bums me out, nobody was there to see it. My wife had her back turned and shit. If that ever happened to my wife, I would be crying.

Nothing funnier than somebody you like gets hurt, in my opinion. I don't mean paralyzed in an accident. And the dog just turned around and looked at me, almost like, ha-ha, sticking up your ass. I was horizontal, dude. And it happens like this. You know what I mean? When you have a trip or fall or something,

it happens in like a nanosecond. I didn't know what fucking, bang! And my shoes are like... Oh, anyways. I guess that's karma. By the way, the dog's name is Charo. You gotta love that. If you guys are my age's name is Charo. You got to love that.

If you guys are my age, you remember Charo. She was a smoking hot Hispanic singer and dancer. She had a body like a god. She still had the accent. She'd been in the country 110 years. But that's Charo. Anyways, love this dog. Tough little.

Yes, I wanted a big dog. Every time I tell people, that's what you got, a fucking sheepoo or whatever. I wouldn't even have a dog. That's how lazy I am. My wife had one her whole life, and she wanted another one. So if I did have a dog, I personally would like a great thing. Why? Because, first of all, they're huge, and they scare people.

Second of all, they live about four four minutes which is enough for me why do people spend huge money on on on uh bulldogs which fucking die in in minutes louis ck had a great bit about bringing a puppy home to his kids going look what i brought you something that will be uh grieving over and making us real sad. Anyways, my tailbone is still sore, and I smacked the back of my head. I just love it. If it happened to somebody else, it would have been so much funnier. All right, let's get to the nonsense today. What's up for... Oh, no, not Rachel Not Rachel I don't know if you guys know this about me Other than my wife, so I don't get in trouble If there's anybody, if somebody said

You have to give up both your legs from the knee down To sleep with Jennifer Aniston I would be in a wheelchair years ago She's my ultimate After the wife, my wife My wife looked like, you know, and still does, Christina Applegate. So not exactly, you know, but Jennifer Aniston, when she was on Friends, that's it for me. That's it. I would give up. I'd say cancer of the liver. I get about 10 years. Fine. Take off that that bra I had a joke

about it and one of my stand-up specials too Oh positive thinking if you think something positive it'll actually happen for you I go if that was true if that was true right now being Jennifer Aniston's bathroom pulling one of her pubes out of my eye teeth well she's laying on the bed diddling herself to my Comedy Central Presents special. Never happened. I always end up in the shower with a fistful of Prell yelling, Rachel!

I'm just saying, that is my ultimate. Ass like a nectarine, tits perfect, face of an angel. Face of an angel, dang. But, and I'll say this, and my wife is right there. It's fucking, what I'm, oh, minga. See, my wife, now we go to the supermarket, and there's, I see guys in their 20s checking her out. Got a body that won't stop until she gets around me.

Anyways. Jennifer Aniston. Why am I talking about her other than I dream about her? Oh, by the way, and Shannon Bream's up there too. Jennifer Aniston is drawing a hard line. Oh, good. Finally, somebody qualified to talk about COVID. First of all, she was talking about COVID in that tank top. Who's listening? Other than maybeham jennifer aniston is drawing a hard line between her and those who aren't vaccinated against covid 19 what did i tell you about hollywood and if you stay there long enough how you get dumbed down to almost retarded i guarantee you she wasn't like this when when uh although she was born in pasadena. If you stay there, that cancer, that PC garbage, first when you get there, you realize you have to go with the narrative

because you won't get work. And then it gets into your DNA and you start to believe the shit. So I believe that whole, this almost turned me off, but not really. It's like when you see a real hot chick when you were young at a party and she opens her mouth and she makes some stupid statement. I like Fritos. You Fink used to have a joke. Can you put the air on, knock it down a few notches, Matthew? Andrew, you Fink, he used to write for SNL, very funny guy, used to have a joke about taking a girl out on a first date, you know, real classy, bringing her to like a real expensive French restaurant, and the waiter's like, what kind of dressing would you like, ma'am? And she's like, ranch! Anyways, I'm having fun today.

The Friends alum revealed to InStyle Magazine, one of my favorites, that she has cut ties. This really bummed me out about her. With a few people who won't receive the jab. Can you imagine? There's still a large group of people, she says, who are anti-vaxxers or just don't listen to the facts. I hate to break this to you, Jennifer. Most of the majority of those peoples, and you can look these numbers up, are black and brown people. Hispanics, 42 percent.

Blacks are at 31% as far as vaccination. Yet everybody's blaming the Trump supporters, whites, blah, blah, blah. She says it's a real shame, she said in her InStyle September cover interview that I had to rinse off. I've just lost a few people in my weekly routine who have refused or did not disclose whether or not they had been vaccinated

and it was unfortunate frankly my hair i don't give a damn really what's unfortunate miss aniston is that you call them your friends and then you get rid of them because they had a different opinion you on on vaccinations than you did that That's not very nice. Are you the diva I've been hearing about? I should say diva, not diva, but you know, then again, I'm from the Boston area. The Golden Globe winner, 52,

going on, yummy, yum, yummy. Look at that. She's doing a dirty children pose. I don't know what it is. She's loosening those hips for some reason. Let me turn her. The Golden Globe winner, 52, said it's a moral and professional. Here we go with the moral.

Here we go with what liberals do, especially Hollywood ones. It's a moral obligation. What makes you morally superior and to call that? Moral and professional obligation to inform people of the benefits of the vaccine, but acknowledged people have their own beliefs. Yeah, you know what they call that, Jennifer? It's freedom, baby, yeah. It's tricky, she says, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but if I don't like it, I'm'm not gonna hang out with them uh but a lot of opinions don't feel based in anything except for or propaganda she said what are you talking about

mind your fucking business and shut up this is somebody who ingests cnn you know msnbc and she's calling what i guess Fox or anybody else. I was looking for the arms on this chair. I changed chairs. I already fell once. I got damaged. But anyway, you know, yeah, people have a right to. Here you go, Jennifer.

Let me make it easy for you because I know you're a big feminist. You probably love killing babies. My body, my choice. I wish it was your body and my choice. Get out of here. That's as silly as, anyway. Aniston has been vocal throughout the fight against coronavirus, urging her Instagram followers to wear a damn mask. I will if you wear a pair of panties to Ralph's supermarket so the paparazzi can get out of it. She says, I understand masks are inconvenient and uncomfortable, but don't you feel that it's worse that businesses are shutting down,

jobs are being lost, health care workers are hitting absolute exhaustion? What, is she stuck a year ago? She wrote alongside a selfie in her mask. Look at those fucking eyes. I'll take you back, man. And so many lives have been taken by this virus. Really not, Jennifer. If you do your homework, it's just like a flu. Do you know when the Spanish flu won what was it one in 50 something people in their 40s or less would die of the Spanish flu now that's a pandemic many lives have been taken by the virus because we aren't doing enough she said you are so wrong my lovely dear anyway I still like to meet you

they're gonna find me with like they're gonna find me with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to my mouth and just they'll think it's self-inflicted really my wife will be giggling but that we post as a in the attic i'll have like a mannequin dressed up like jennifer and savannah's big on mannequins, by the way, and that's no fucking bullshit. Do you live, Matt, you live in Savannah? Yeah. I can't even remember. Can I call you Matt? Or is it Matt?

I'm offended. Does anybody call you Matt? Yeah. Because all I've been hearing is Matthew. What are you, a fucking royalty? That's right. Do you not, did you notice mannequins? Oh, yeah. It's a big thing. Ghosts, this town is known for, because it was built in, you know,

12 AD, there's ghosts everywhere and shit, and people actually take tours, and when we were looking for a house down here, not one, not two, four different houses had mannequins. One of them had a little baby looking out the window, a little doll, and I loved the house. I said, but we're not taking it that's too creepy who the fuck knows what went on in this house anyways there's only one person that seems to understand in my opinion just how dangerous this COVID new variant or the old edition is and he's got it since the beginning and he's going to be the next president if trump doesn't jump in which i think he will what a ticket they would make oh my goodness anyways you know who i'm talking about ronnie d desantis is the man put on a tie as hundreds of thousands

of unvaccinated scum i mean illegals pour over not all of us come pour over our border. This is what this asshat's message was from her boss, Joe Biden. Take a look at our favorite resident, Ginger. You know what? Can I just say this? She's got a nice demeanor about her, but it's easy to when you're feeding propaganda and you know the people you're answering the questions to, you know that it's total bullshit. So you can be calm when you're lying through your teeth. Let's listen to the female Conan O'Brien. I think the fundamental question we have is what are we doing here? And the president, you'll hear the president talk a little bit about this later this afternoon. His message is going to be we're all in this fight together, whether it's

Democratic or Republican governor. And I will note, most Republican governors are doing exactly the right thing. Let me decode that for you. White people are stupid. It's supporters of Trump, Republicans, rednecks. They're the ones who aren't getting the vaccine. But go ahead, sweetheart. And doing and advocating for and taking steps to advocate for more people to get vaccinated. who aren't getting the vaccine. But go ahead, sweetheart. And doing and advocating for and taking steps to advocate for more people to get vaccinated. But if you aren't going to help, if you aren't going to abide

by public health guidance, then get out of the way. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You get that little red beaver right up there in front of you. I don't think it's crazy at all. Get out of the way.

Imagine, now let's review. When the pandemic was peaking, the old version, pandemic A, remember Florida? Do you remember people pouring into Florida like six months ago? Have we read about a bunch of deaths in Florida? No. Oh, but the new variant is spreading like 1,000 cases a day in Florida. So what?

Somebody sneezed on a doorknob. We've forgotten the whole argument here. It's been so politicized. The question is, will it kill you or not? Literally, better chance of getting hit by lightning literally thank god we have a guy who gets it uh a boy in uh florida but uh now here's ronnie desantis and uh like i said i think he's winning on the straw balls but uh once again in my opinion and in really a lot of people's opinion, he gets it.

Go ahead. We're real excited we're here. We've got some great speakers and really here to discuss parents' rights, particularly with regards to the upcoming school year. If you have been listening to some of the murmurs going around, particularly in Washington lately, if you listen to some of the stuff that's being percolated around the CDC, there's a movement to try to impose more restrictions on the American people. And I just want to say in Florida, there will be no lockdowns.

lockdowns. There will be no school closures. Stop it with your common sense. Stop. There will be no no mandates in the state of Florida. Floridians have been, are, and will remain free to choose what's best for themselves. It's freedom, baby, yeah! Yeah, exactly, get used to it. And again, I don't remember bodies piling up in Florida like they did in New York and all the other urban centers where all the smart people live. Huh? No.

I'm going to repeat this one more time. If you're less than 70 and you're healthy, 99.96 chance of surviving. I don't even like to use the word surviving because it makes it sound like you had a struggle for your life. It's a cold. Started on purpose by the filthy Chinese. Why do you have to say it's a China virus? Because it's, oh, it's from China, said Donald Trump. God forbid. Don't you love when you confront the lib with logic, facts, reasoning? They melt. They melt like an ice cube on a driveway in Fort Lauderdale in August.

Hey, I wove that in beautifully. I ought to write a book. Well, here's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. When a so-called smart intellectual lib running for a position, a cabinet position in the Trump administration, excuse me, slip in the, well, it really is still Trump,

in my opinion, in the Biden administration, faces off against a really smart guy, Senator Kennedy, not the one you're thinking of. Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, nominee, he grilled nominee Hampton Dillinger about systemic racism and about calling Republicans misogynistic. He's running for, what is it assistant something to the legal blah blah blah it's not important it's a high ranking thing anyway what is it assistant attorney general

okay watch what happens when a woke progressive actually has the balls to leave his bubble and leave his like minded friends and wander into the real world and run into somebody who might have different opinions than yourself and is way smarter than you, which is usually

the case when a lib is face-to-face with a conservative. Hampton Dillinger is the nominee to be Assistant Attorney General, Office of Legal Policy. So apparently it's a very important job. But watch JFK. It's not JFK. Unless his middle name is an F. Watch John Kennedy of Louisiana. I'm getting his voice down, too.

Watch him dismember this guy like Henry Hill cutting up a body. It was really, it was a heavyweight fight. They would have stopped it, but it's so fun when you confront them directly because they've never asked questions like this. Go ahead. Do you believe the Justice Department is systemically racist? Senator, I believe every institution in our country exists on a history. Yeah, but do you believe the Justice Department is systemically racist?

Senator, if I could, I believe every institution in our country has dealt with racism and sexism. But today, I agree with that. But I'm just asking a simple question. Today, do you believe the Justice Department is systemically racist? I do not believe the Justice Department is. Okay. What about the law firm of Hampton Dellinger? That's your law firm.

Is it systemically racist? Senator, I have done my best to try. Simple question. Do you believe it's systemically racist? Right. And I'm trying to answer it, sir. I know. I think you're trying to dodge it.

Go ahead. Well, sir, I certainly do not try to practice systemic racism. I do recognize... Neither do I. But is your law firm systemically racist? It is not. How about your former law firm, Boise-Shiller? Are they systemically racist?

You got a bunch of racists there? Certainly, they have tried to deal with implicit bias to recognize it and to remove any barriers. Are they systemically racist? How about Oscar Mayer Wieners? They got a bunch of racists making them hot dogs over there. You shed it right here and tweet.

What about are you a systemic racist? Neither am I. Love them. Love them. All senators should be like this. Too bad this guy's 107. And then he went on, he went on to talk about, he asked about the racism issue. Then he, apparently this guy tweeted about, you know, people on the right being misogynistic and all the normal drivel that comes out of the left. So he addressed that too. Take a listen. Do you think that my votes with respect to abortion are based on the fact that I want to control women? Senator, I cannot speak to that.

Well, why'd you say it? In front of God and country. Pause. Well, Senator. Why'd you say it? In front of God and country. Senator? Listen to this guy just, oh, go ahead.

I love it. I do believe that the reproductive rights established in Roe versus Wade and then dealt with in Casey, June Medical, and other Supreme Court decisions are important. And that's fine. I agree with that. I agree with that. Some people disagree, but that's not what you said. You said every Republican, other than the ones that you like,

have their position on abortion because they're misogynistic. Well, Senator, I... Do you believe in God? Senator, I have faith. I believe in God. A lot of people have faith. Did it ever occur to you that some people may

base their position on abortion on their faith? Senator, I sincerely appreciate people who have a different position on abortion than I do. You should have tweeted. Have you ever tweeted that? What we've got here is

failure to communicate. Well, you never tweeted. You never tweeted it, you asshole. Do you think that I want to control a woman's pussy? Did you ever think that their fate might be driving their opinion?

I'm going to... Do you see? Do you see? Now, if I'm judging him and have to vote on him to get the position, it's a definite answer. That is not what I meant. Isn't it great? It always happens too. Every once in a while, Bill Maher will get the balls up to have somebody, not really, maybe

once every five years, have somebody with some brains from the right on. And it's a massacre. It's a massacre because in my opinion, and I know you guys think a lot like me, we base our shit on the truth. And I'm going to say this. Over the years, Republican, Democrat parties have alternated being wrong. Like back in the 50s with the civil rights and all that nonsense, culture wars as far as gay marriage, all that stuff. The right was a little, I thought they were wrong about a lot of stuff. And now the left is wrong about it. So when you

say that, people will go, but you're partisan. No. Whoever's pointing out the truth now is considered partisan. You can't tell me because there's liberals and Dems leaving the party. They're going, what are we doing here? So I just happen to think the right is a little closer to the truth, and there's only one truth. God damn it. Do you understand me? Now, let me ask you this. At your law firm, Jacoby and Myers, you're killing babies. And you're all right with that? I love it. We've got to see more of that. Get out in front of it, Republicans.

Start calling them names, will you? I know you're the Washington generals. You know my theory. But just fake it a little better, could you please? I know you're the Washington generals, you know my theory, but just fake it a little better, could you please? Anyways, this, the gender wars, well, this is a funny story. The Olympics, I have not been following the Olympics, okay? I stopped following them after Dorothy Hamill.

As you know, I was in love with her, too, when I was 1976, I was 14. I actually skipped baseball practice. And I loved baseball practice. I played three sports. Baseball practice was my favorite. I loved it. I actually skipped it to watch Dorothy Hamill. She was in the pre, you know, whatever, the semifinals

or whatever the hell. And I just sat in my room with a box of Kleenex. Hope she did those side-by-side sit spins. Anyways, that's the last time I really. I've watched the winter ones. I like the luge. I love a guy going 190 miles an hour laying down. Think about this.

You're better off drinking and driving. And when they wipe out there, there's a 50-50 chance of them living or dying. That I'll watch. Hockey I'll watch. I don't care about a trans weightlifter. And I love the way we're kissing. What's her name? Biles?

What's her first name? Frank? What is it? Simone Biles. Simone Biles. Again, adorable, achieved a ton in her life uh but i'm sorry she's melting under the pressure she got a couple bronze every she's already got like a a commercial endorsement she quit on her teammates and and now all this flood of oh you know she was under a lot

of mental bu great UFC fighter Henry Cejudo He put it just like I did You can't claim you're the greatest I don't care what the problems are Mentally or whatever You didn't follow through

She's going to be fine This country's not going to hurt a little African American girl Who's achieved so much Which she has She's not the to hurt a little African American girl who's achieved so much, which she has. She's not the greatest in the world, though. But she'll have her deal. She'll be on the Wheaties box because we're such a racist country, remember? Why am I bringing this

up? Well, as an excuse to talk about the Olympics, this is the most interesting thing, in my opinion, that's happened in these Olympics. Headline, bugging out. The Olympics is a lot of things. Exciting, full of drama, awe-inspiring, just to name a few. Yeah, how about boring as an MF-er? But one thing not many of us would describe it as is boring. Well, I got to disagree there. Me and a certain cameraman, I found my soulmate, he's a cameraman in Japan, at least not more boring than an insect casually crawling along.

I love this. However, one camera operator seemed to think so when they bizarrely cut the video away from a hockey match. By the way, it's field hockey. Anybody notice this? It used to say field hockey during the Olympics. Now it says hockey. You know why? Because the ratings are so poor.

I actually tuned in going, why are they playing ice hockey in Japan in August? Anyways, field hockey match. The guy cut away to film his new pest friend. It's La Cucaracha. Let's take a look. He cut away from the game. Other people. There's the girlsucaracha. Let's take a look. He cut away from the game. Other people. There's the girls.

Super action. There's a girl going down to block a shot and the other girl's hitting it with an asparagus. And there's the cockroach. The guy cut to the... He cut to that. It's not like it fell out of one of their shorts either. He just cut to that thing and people are, of course,

oh, what are you trying to say? That this sport's boring? Oh boy, is this great? Argentine sports channel TYC was showing a woman's game between Argentina and Spain. God damn it. I think Spain lost. I had them plus a ball and a half for 500. Argentina and Spain, when the random close-up shot of the Roach appeared,

Argentina was leading the match, 1-00 with just over 5 minutes left I was biting my nail to the quick I wasn't watching to play in the 4th quarter so it's 1-0 few minutes left to go in the game and a replay was being shown the commentator can be heard describing the cockroach

with its Spanish name La Cucaracha and apparently some of the Spanish women in the crowd were trying to kill it. Translator, many people on social media quickly pointed out the bizarre piece of footage. One person wrote on Twitter, Olympic athletes competing at a high level? Not interested. Cockroach waddling? Yes. And I know you're being sarcastic there, but I'm sorry.

I'm with La Cucaracha. Another tweeted, that roach did not need that much camera time. Yeah, he did. He's trying to get his SAG card. Talk into the mic. The implication being that they thought it needed a little bit of screen time just not that much exactly like so they're actually guilty too ah and they they i'm sure the director in the truck was yelling at the cameraman to switch to camera three. Bill, what are you doing?

I'm staying right here. Someone else said, me as a cameraman losing focus and filming things I find more fascinating. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad you got it right. Another comment said, give this little guy a gold medal. Oh, I thought he was talking about the cameraman. Guy was talking about give the cockroach a gold. Isn't that cute?

Isn't that cute? Thankfully, the camera operator returned to the match to see Argentina win three. Yeah, thank God they cut back to that. Game turned into a blowout. Anyways, girls, no disrespect, but come on. Ever watch like a baseball game, cat runs on the field or a squirrel? They keep the camera on for 10 minutes until somebody catches it. So don't be so thin-skinned if you want to play with the boys. And by the way, when somebody runs on the field drunk or nude, put the camera on them again. This whole mentality,

if you don't put the camera on, it's not going to happen because they do it for the attention. But let me tell you what happens because there's 40,000 people in the stands with iPhones and it ends up on the internet anyways. So show me at home. Don't make me go through that day-to-day don't make me go through that day-to-day clicking the mouse and end up on Latino housewives. More Olympic news, ladies and gentlemen. Right here from the Shadows Air, headline, share an Uber but not a gold medal. What does that mean?

How's this for friendly competition? Olympic high jumpers and best friends Mutaz Esa Basham and Gianmarco Tamberi, convinced game officials to let them share gold like it was a chocolate gold medal. First of all, look at the guy on the left. What is that? What's he remind you of? Like an action figure that you can, like. Oh my God.

Look, I'd rather be not famous athlete than have that body. That's too weird, man. Anyways, they talked me into sharing a gold medal instead of jumping, doing a jump off to decide who the real winner was. That is just, that's such a everybody gets a trophy mentality. Now it's spread all the way up to the Olympics. I don't agree with it. That's faggot stuff.

Don't say that. You want to call it by its name? That's strictly for fags. Both Barsham, that's the Gumby-like guy, 30, and Timberry, 29, had cleared jumps of 2.37 meters. Folks, a meter is almost like a yard, about three-quarters of a yard. Then failed to clear the 2.39-meter hurdle three times each. So they both failed. They're probably, if they're best friends, they're probably going, let's just, you know, and then we'll talk them into it.

But Barsham resisted when an Olympic official offered him to jump off. That's what they call it against his Italian competitor. Now, let me ask you a question. Does he have a right to resist when they go? You got to have a jump off to decide. So now the inmates are running the Olympics. I don't have to do anything. I don't want to. I'm a spider. Mike, I would think you'd just lose. Mike. I would think you'd just lose if you say no. Yes. Yes.

In a real world, yes. Absolutely. That's how it should work. But again, this is a participation trophy. I wouldn't want to share it with anybody. I'd rather have my own silver than share a gold. Who's with me? Anyways, Qatari asked the official who nodded approvingly, he should be taken out and spanked, causing the self-described best friends to clasp hands and whoop for joy. Isn't that cute? No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant.

They're best friends. I look at him. This is what the guy says, the black dude. I look at him, he looks at me, and we know it, Barsham said afterwards. We just look at each other and we know that that is it. It's done.

There is no need, he said. Oh, God, what a love story. I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern. Not a gold medal. I love you. I love you because you weren't going to hurt my feelings by beating me. because you weren't going to hurt my feelings by beating me. Barsham called Tanberry one of my best friends, not only on the track, but outside the track. A matter of fact, we're like partners now.

We work together, he says, he said of his European pal. This is a dream come true. It is the true spirit, the sportsman spirit, and we are here delivering this message. No, you despise it with every fiber of my being. I'm sorry, that is not the American spirit. I know you're not, you're neither one of these guys, but I'm just saying. Competition, you ask if we can have a tie

so nobody's feelings get hurt. That is some real girly stuff right there, folks. And finally tonight on a Wednesday, or today, Mom, is that you? Reads reads the headline what could this be a senator now you believe i want to control webbitt all right sit right here on tiktok you were talking to a 12 year old girl an illinois man who beat his mother to death with a baseball bat after,

mistakenly, it says, after he mistakenly thought she was an intruder. He's going to serve probation and community service. That didn't say much for the mom, huh? In exchange for a guilty plea.

Oh my God, do you believe this? I just, Thomas Summerwill, 23 years old, there he is. I bet you he's an anti-vaxxer, man. He's white. Thomas Summerwill, 23, agreed to deal, to the deal for the March 2019 death of his mother, Mary Summerwell, the Kane County State's Attorney's Office, said under the terms of the agreement, he will serve four years of probation, that's it, and perform $200 of community service. God, what an insult to mommy.

Thomas Summerwell must live, this is the attorney talking that did the prosecution. Thomas Summerwell must live with the fact that, accidental or not, he is responsible for his mother's death, Kane County State's Attorney Jamie Mosser said. He will never again be able to hug her, seek advice from her, or tell her he loves her. He will never be able to introduce her seek advice from her or tell her he loves her he will never be able to introduce his children to their grandmother oh no he's gonna have kids this is a heavy burden do you wonder why that you think do you why you know why this is so stupid anybody I'll let you think about it for a second.

Maybe, just maybe, I find this hard to believe. Apparently he was blind drunk when it happened. She came in late at night. I don't know. I'm such a cynical a-hole. But maybe he did all those things that you just listed, hugging her and never be able to show up.

Maybe he never wanted to do that in the first place. That's what you're using. You know why the lawyer's saying that? Because they did a crappy job. Oh, he's got to live with this. It's not going to do any jail time. I don't care if it was an accident or not. I guess intent is important.

I don't know. But this is a heavy burden, said the ignorant lawyer. It's a stupid, stupid, stupid. Mosser added that sending anyone to prison under these circumstances serves no purpose. Oh my God. Wow. Summerwill was sentenced on July 28th. Mosser said Mary Summerwell's loved ones did not wish to see her son prosecuted.

And he was very happy because then he said this. As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. Thomas Summerwell awoke on March 24th, 2019 and thought someone had broken into his bedroom in his home in Campton Hills, located 55 miles west of Chicago, prosecutors said, not realizing the person was his 53-year-old mother, who grabbed a baseball bat and struck her several times on the head, authorities said.

And I don't know. He's lying. He was, listen to this. I didn't know it was my mother. She looked different. She had changed her hair and makeup. No. Oh my God, what did I do?

Summerwell told responding officers. The pantograph reported that, yeah, he was in shock. Mary Summerwell died of blunt force injuries. An investigation revealed her son had a blood alcohol level. Talk about somebody getting in areas with Kathy Griffin. A blood alcohol level of.27. Guys, where'd this happen? Illinois.

In Illinois, it's.08 is the legal limit. That's over three times the legal limit. A condition of his plea deal prohibits him from drinking alcohol. How are you going to enforce that? And he must wear an alcohol monitoring device for a portion of his probation. That's it for killing your mother? Going deep with her head? Oh, boy, you.

He's also required to undergo psychological evaluation as well as alcohol and grief counseling. Why does he have to go under psychological evaluation if you said it was an accident? You know what I mean? Point two seven, now I'm questioning my point of view. Oh, God. I'd want to do this. I'd want to go back if I was a prosecutor, look at all the texts and stuff between him and his mother

for the last like two years, See if there's any tension there. Anyways, I thought they went a little light with the thing. But apparently not. Boy, a white guy getting away with murder. That is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. We thank you for tuning into the show. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com and we're a little flat

with our numbers. We want to get some more growth going. We got to market better. It's on our end. You guys are doing your part. And thecomicsgym.com. Don't forget nickdip.com

and a couple, what? Geez, what's today? The fourth? In nine days, I'll be in Cohoes, New York doing comedy live. That's where I shot the Breath of Fresh Air special. Great comedy town. Don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, get my real zing-zanging, go to cameo.com, click on my

profile, tell me about the person. I'll make a video on my cell phone, about a minute, minute and a half, and we'll ruin the guy's day. Actually not. They're usually fans of mine, and they love it. That is it. You guys think, and I will say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here.

I can't believe I'm going to say this again for the final day of the week tomorrow. Have a good day. guitar solo Outro Music