The Nick DiPaolo Show - Disney + A Big Minus | Nick Di Paolo Show #1442

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the FBI shooting, Jack Smith gagging Twitter and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 The Antichrist. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood. Finally lost that Louisville that was blocking my pipeline. It was like being raped by Ray Lewis. Well, at least it was an easy out. Oh my God, did that hurt. Just kept sliding and sliding. I go, what?

Holy, straight as an arrow. We're going to have to turn this into an open segment poopoo talk God feel so much 202 and a half today, which is hey folks my high was 229 beginning of the year Started dieting about 225 It's 23 fuck. I've never I'm just kept it off since April ain't coming back Did I tell you I mastered did I did I mention

this on the end that I mastered the New York pizza crust I did right you're like what are you fucking retarded yes what a time to master pizza crust fucking trying to diet I just told Dallas I got a five pound a Boston butt. That's a pork shoulder. It's also known as a picnic roast. They leave the fat on when you call it a picnic roast. And yeah, I was up at 9 o'clock this morning, layer of onions, a cup of chicken stock, garlic, dry rub on the thing,

throw it in a slow cooker for eight fucking hours. Okay? I said to my wife, you can call me and thank me later when the house... She wasn't there. But like I said, I told Dallas, I'll be eating just the pork tonight. You know, barbecue sauce on it

with a little sugar. My wife will be making sandwiches like she's blimpy from... I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a pulled pork sandwich today. Folks might... I don't know if you get that. You're going to be 71.

Red Sox beat the Royals. Big fucking deal. What was the whole thing about the outfield wall, the ball getting stuck in the wall? Oh, yeah! That was, glad you brought that up. It was the only interesting part of the game. Somebody hit a fucking fly

ball. Kansas City player hit it to left field. And you know those at Fenway, you guys have seen the monster a million times. There's two red lights. That's for the strikes. They don't have a third one because obviously you don't need it.

So there's two red lights that let you know when there's a strike called and it lights up. The fucking ball, and I've never seen this, and I don't know that it's ever happened in the 100 plus years that Fenway's been there. Somebody hit a fly ball, what's his name, a Japanese fella's going back to catch it,

over his head, right through the light. He's looking for it. He didn't realize it, but nobody realized it. He's going like this. He's fucking looking around. Guy's rounding the bases. And then finally, he, right through.

It looked like a scene out of The Natural or something. So, yeah, I don't know that that's ever happened. Gee, if there's only a way you could find out, Nick, maybe they had a database of some sort. But that was pretty odd. Weird shit, man. Weird shit going on. Another guy lost it in the lights last night.

Fenway's a bitch at about, well, a lot of parks. Right around, you know, when I'm looking at dusk, the sky and the lights sort of blend. And if you take your eye, and I know this. I played fucking outfield a lot of times after they said, you can't hit first base from third base. Go fucking throw from there. I was good enough to turn my back and sprint back for a ball and then look up and find it.

But when you do that, they say, you know, during twilight or whatever, you look up, you can't do that. Because it blends in with everything, whatever. So we got lucky with a couple runs. I mean, they gave us all we could handle. Fucking Kansas City. Travis Story's back. He struck out, I think, seven out of nine times.

This is his spring training. But, you know, oh, they're going to play him every other day. I mean, stop with your fucking baseball. They treat these guys like they're girls. It's really. You can't tell me. I know I've said it on the air before. but like I said, Cal Ripken played what, 2,100 games in a row? These fuckers need a day off every couple of weeks. Get the fuck out of here. Anyhow, folks, what do you want to talk

about? This? What, Trump fucking left, rep a boo-boo. When there's 10 guys in a room, I said five of them are trans, running the planet. They're in dresses going like this with marionettes. Let's get to it, I guess. Enough bullshattin'. FBI kills Trump supporter. That's right. I just put it out there. No funniness because I just thought that's

what it sounded like to me. A Utah man was shot and killed, I'm sure CNN was all over it, by FBI agents during a Wednesday morning raid linked to assassination threats against President Biden and other top Democrats, including Vice President Kamala, why would you waste your money on the ammo, and Manhattan District Attorney Alvin, that fat fuck, I hate white people brag. So the FBI guns down. Now I understand.

Okay. Don't you move you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. Take it easy. I didn't mean that shit. This guy was a principal I guess at a high school in the 90s.

Dallas filled me in. No he just looks like one. Oh he just Oh I thought you said he was actually Oh you son of a bitch. And you are fake news. So, yeah.

So, the deadly shooting occurred in Provo, Utah, 6.15 a.m. when the feds tried to serve an arrest and search warrant at a home. The FBI... They don't kick his door in like they do Roger Stone. The FBI office in Salt Lake City told the Post in a statement, a federal complaint obtained by the Post from the Utah U.S. Attorney's Office identified the suspect at the center of the probe that prompted Wednesday's raid

as, boy, when it's a white guy, they always get the fucking name right. They know his blood type. 75-year-old Craig Robertson. That's the ghost of Rush Limbaugh. An agency spokesperson confirmed that one person struck by gunfire had died, but she did not, I hate that, share any further details about the agent involved in the shooting. Robertson, who described himself in his new rule, new rule, if you kill a civilian, your FBI, your name and fucking address goes up. Well, you can't shut it. It's who described himself in his social media posts as a MAGA Trumper. So what?

Was facing counts of interstate threats. They could get me on that for my act when I go to town and to town telling this shit. A threat against the president and influencing, impeding, and retaliating against federal law enforcement officers by threat. A 39-page complaint included numerous unhinged Facebook posts made by Robertson, mostly about just-for-men hair coloring and beard, threatening to assassinate Biden and other senior Democrats, including Harris Bragg, he had good taste, New York Attorney General Letitia James, U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland. Oh, my God, he had great taste.

And I'm not condoning this. I'm just saying he had great taste. I'm glad he didn't act on it. Oh, what's this? Ah, something burns. And Governor fucking Newsom. It's freedom, baby. Well, it is.

He took a, but as we all know, even I know, you can't do that without getting a visit. In a status update posted earlier this week, Robertson, an Air Force veteran, oh boy. You know what? Wasn't Babbitt an Air Force veteran? The woman that got shot? He's probably still pissed about that. Suggested that he was planning to make an attempt on Biden's life, Jesus, when the commander-in-chief visited the beehive state. Thanks for, anybody know that? Later that week. Beehive state? How about the hot white Mormon

bitch's state? I hear Biden is coming to Utah. This is what he posts. He wrote Sunday. I hear Biden is coming to Utah. This is what he posts. He wrote Sunday. Digging out my old, what is it? Ghillie suit. That's unbelievable. I thought that was Tina Turner hunting in.

Cleaning out the dust off my M24 sniper rifle. You should be a little more direct. Welcome, buffoon in chief. Well, he actually kind of funny. All right, but you can't go this far, Tina. An FBI agent wrote in the complaint filed Tuesday seeking a warrant for Robbins' arrest that the suspect's post presented a knowing and willful true threat to kill or cause injury,

the President Biden. Now look, folks, obviously you can't be doing that. But in a perfect world, no. Jesus, this coffee's backing up. It's like I just had an abortion. Look at the guy, old cocky. Is that him, leaning against the truck? Yeah, I took him out.

But here's the thing that me and Dallas both noticed. They gave us all the threats that the guy put online, blah, blah, blah. Nothing about the actual shooting. Did he raise his gun first? Maybe he did. I didn't. Maybe there's articles that said he did. And, yeah, I want footage.

Do they wear body cam? Of course not. The government would never wear body cam. My point being is, all right, look, the chances are pretty good, yeah, he had to come or whatever the fuck. But where are the details on this part of the story? Or are they just sending a message to us Trump supporters? And don't think the government's fucking, you know, not fucking below that, not above that. What's the phrase? I don't know. I got to switch to Folgers Crystals. You know what I mean? That was the question. I'd like more details,

or are they just trying to intimidate us? Hey, second half of the show, I'll be talking about Disney going broke, Because why? Obviously, because they're fucking woke. They are taking a big dump losing subscribers. It's beautiful. The mouse has bone cancer. Also, I'm going to be talking about a black racist female teacher. Outright black supremacist. But she got hired anyways. But now she's fired. You know? But I'm sure they'll find something for her. Anyways, that's going to be the second half of the show. That's exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get that at nickdip.com.

I'm telling you, man. Crowder's got a murderous lineup. Murder's rogue. Alex Jones, me, Callan, him. Undercover investigative unit now. It'll be the best cash you've spent since you bought your wife that sandwich for her anniversary. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the

Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. You know, the footlong fucking, have you heard of fucking Barkley? Yeah. Subway., refresh, refresh.

He sucks. Yeah, refresh. They got Jita doing it. What kind of budget is Bob selling the most mediocre sandwiches ever in the history? I had a whole bit on it. I was in Philadelphia. I don't even remember the bit. Maybe you can finish it for me.

I don't even think you've heard. But I was in Philly, and I saw a guy come out of, I'm not kidding you, a subway eating a cheese steak. He's in fucking Philly. Does this guy go to Rome and go, hey, is there a Domino's near the hotel? What fucking? And this is true. That same trip, I went at the subway.

I liked the tuna. Apparently, it's not real tuna. It's like somebody's flip-flop and a half of mackerel. I'm not kidding you. I don't even know it was that trip. I've been to Philly so many times. But I went into a subway. Yes, I did, in Philly.

I'm almost as bad as them. And a young black girl was making my sandwich as she was breastfeeding her kid. There I am, jerking off in the corner next to the chip machine. She's like, you want cheese on that? Yeah. It's fucking salami. I don't want tit milk with it. Anyways, that's a true story.

I told it that night all week and fucking murdered. Just look. And you know what know my angle was good for her. At least she's working. Pete Buttigieg would at home getting a handjob. Fucking big girl. Anyways, let's move on. Jack Smith, you know that jerk off his? You know who he is. The one that's indicting Trump all over the place. Jack Smith kicked Twitter in the shitter. Special counsel Jack Smith obtained a secret search warrant. This guy's a scumbuck, isn't he? To comb through former President Trump's Twitter account. You're a real crumbum.

Court documents unsealed on Wednesday. He looks like he hasn't taken a good shit since the 70s. On Wednesday showed that a federal judge approved the warrant in January. The documents do not say, however, what investigators were searching for or what criminal evidence they believed may exist in Trump. You know why they didn't mention it? They were just going through it. They had no right to be in there. The existence of the warrant was revealed in court documents from the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals. Not only did Smith obtain the warrant, but prosecutors hit Twitter with a non-disclosure order that prohibited Twitter from notifying anyone about the existence or contents of the warrant. This is just Stalin-like tactics, or is it me?

Uh, God help me. Who the fuck do you think you are? Exactly. Said my wife last night as I came in drunk at 3 in the morning with a guitar and a ripped shirt. What? No. You guys know the song Mummikin, Aerosmith, one of my favorite

tunes of all time. It was on the first album. I got that down. I got the riff down. Someday I'll come in here and play it for you if this was still on the air 31 years from now when I feel comfortable. Twitter, however, objected arguing the non-disclosure order violated the First Amendment. That's what Twitter was saying, and would preclude Trump from asserting executive privilege. Normally, you know, Trump could come in and go, hey, I'm put executive privilege, you can't go through, but they didn't even fucking wait to give him a chance to do that. Executive privilege to shield communications made using his Twitter account.

Twitter argued that enforcement of the order should have been halted until a court resolved those objections. Yeah, that's how you do it. Unless you're on a witch hunt and you're gonna, you're gonna, this guy, anybody calling him on his shit? Hey Mitch, where are you? Do you hear anybody? Jim Jordan

again gonna do an investigation? I'm so fucking tired of it. I think the gig's up, we know, and the jig's up. I don't want to be racist. Ting-tang-wing-ga-ya. While in the process of litigating the nondisclosure argument, Twitter failed to comply with the search warrant fully until three days after the court-ordered deadline.

The district court then held Twitter in contempt and levied a $350,000 penalty. I'm sure they would have done that if Jack Dorsey was running it, right? Maybe. I don't know. I guess you throw it all out when Trump's involved. Yeah, doesn't matter who. I guess you throw it all out when Trump's involved. Yeah, doesn't matter who.

Although the amount of the fine is meaningless to Twitter, the court imposed the fine by taking advantage of Elton John's wealth. What? Oh, Elon Musk's wealth. That's exactly what they did. And by the way, I figured it out. $350,000 when you're worth $180 billion. That was the last number I got from him. You know what that is?

71 cents. No, I don't know. I can't do that kind of math. What am I, Indian? Probably less than that. Oh, it is. I just couldn't. I'm not even smart enough to come up with a negative.

Minus $400. $400. Minus $400. $400. Give you an idea how small amount, it's what I made last time I played Biloxi. The government suggested sanctions that would accrue

at a geometric rate, which is $50,000 per day, to double every day that Twitter did not comply. Oh, that's fair. Again, I'll say it. If it was, you know, Dorsey laying in his hyperbolic chamber, jerking off and drinking Snapple,

wherever he did for eight days to lose weight. Twitter did not comply, the appeals court explained. The court adopted that suggestion, noting that Twitter, excuse me, was sold for over $ for over 40 billion oh is that how we do justice now soak the rich it was so for us so for over 40 billion imagine have having money to buy something that's 40 billion do you fucking believe that I go to the hardware store I spend 40 minutes trying to decide between a $12 hammer and a $6.

Was sold for over $40 billion and that the owner's net worth was over $180 billion. Yeah, so what? What's that got to do with fucking law and order? Twitter did not object to the sanctions formula. Why would they? In the end, Twitter lost its appeal, meaning in court, not that like, oh, I don't like Twitter anymore. That's like Joy Beha lost her appeal in 1985. Fat fuck. A three-judge panel consisting of two Biden appointees and two hookers from Hunter's

Black Book and one Obama appointee affirmed the district court's actions in all respects. That's the FBI. Is there any, hey, you know, here's the bottom line. And again, I'm so cynical. I, you know, again, I think this is all a play that Shakespeare wrote or whatever. You guys can believe in the Bible. I'll believe in whoever wrote this shit. Because they see years ahead, you know, the Illuminati and whoever the fuck.

They plan years ahead. Like Gavin Newsom was born and bred to go to a certain school and to think a certain way. That's no bullshit, folks. I read that in Reader's Digest. It has to be true. Guy from Oklahoma sent it in. He shot his kids. But I really believe that. Exclusively, I already said that. Story two. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Why wouldn't you? Look at the first half. It was like an Ed Sullivan special. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com.

Join to get my full show. Get Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more when I say more. I don't know. I should have checked this out. I don't know if Alex Jones has already started for Mug Club or is that start on the phone? I should have checked this out. I don't know if Alex Jones has already started for Mug Club or does that start on the I should have checked it out. I was only in Dallas for a few days. I could have asked that question.

Too busy stealing shit from the hotel with the commissary. Yeah, so go to nickdip.com and you're going to get a whole lot more entertainment. Cocaine. Also go to my website

while you're there and click on the tour button so you can see where I've been fighting with Tommy over the phone about not going to. The guy's like a sex trafficker only he's a comedy trafficker guitar solo Bye.