The Nick DiPaolo Show - Encore Special Part 2 | Nick Di Paolo Show #656f

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

Past Encore Special: Jon Stewart attacks media. New Handball rules. FB bans penis book. Halftime drag. Udder butter.

In 2022, nearly everything you see and hear is filtered. Social media companies are deleting ideas they disagree with. The mainstream media is reporting only what fits their agenda. And our so-called leaders are using them both to fight personal battles, oftentimes leveraging your livelihood and safety in the process. Just like you, I've had enough, and that's why I created this show. Here you get unfiltered and unapologetic content. I don't care if I hurt your feelings or if I take a position that isn't popular.

I call them like I see them. I'd like to ask you to do two things to keep this show going. First, please share it with two people today. Let's show them what brutal honesty looks and sounds like. And second, please go to nickdip.com and make a contribution so we can keep this show going. Or even better, subscribe at the Comics Gym or on Patreon today and get an extra encore show each day, discounts on merchandise, and more for being a monthly subscriber.

Thank you guys so much for watching, sharing, and contributing to the best show around. You guys make it happen. Thanks so much. Yeah, yeah, welcome to your first Encore presentation. Monthly subscribers to the show. A story exclusive to you guys for being such loyal fans of the show. We appreciate it very, very

much. Jon Stewart, by the way, did I mention that I am George Stephanopoulos? Jon Stewart, my old buddy, and you'd like him. Trust me. He's a fuck-ass. politics, yes, we disagree with. I don't blame him.

He grew up in the tri-state area. It poisons everybody, apparently. John Stewart tortures the media. I think he's been watching my buddy Gutfeld and picking up on... And by the way, if you haven't been watching Gutfeld, you want to get a lesson and get laughs during a monologue, watch that every night. He nails what's going on

between the media and the government. He nails it from every angle and the frigging Silicon Valley and big tech, how they're just raping and stealage and pillaging. And it does it in an entertaining way. Jon Stewart delivered a scathing critique of the media on CNN this Sunday. Was it this Sunday? I think it was, yes. This is CNN, the most trusted name in the universe. Ah! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Ah! A pairing with Jake Tapper, big bitch, on CNN's State of the Union. Imagine they have the balls and call it a day. Look at Tapper. Look at him. It's always like he's staring at a Cub Scout with a nice ass. Confused. Tapper on CNN's State of the Union.

The Apple TV host, that would be Jon Stewart, he's got his own show on Apple TV, accused the fourth estate, that would be the media folks, over-hyping stories in order to stir up conflict. And you can't argue against that. You understand that? They go, look over here. When the Kabul airport thing's going on, they'll go, oh, look at this.

Look at this. A white guy yelled at a black guy at a McDonald's. Look at this. That's what they do to deflect. Specifically, the comic cited a recent headline from Politico at the height of the turmoil in Afghanistan. Actually, we have a clip of it. Here you go.

Let's listen to what Stuart had. He said, why Afghanistan may not matter in the midterms. And then the subhead was, and why it might. Wow. I mean, they have a point. They have a point. That's our joke, right, man? Isn't that like, how many times have you seen stories about the battle over masks? That's the Karen yelling in the store and the people throwing them out and all that. And how many stories have we seen about the efficacy of masks or the why or the actual like there are some, but the overwhelming majority of stories seek to expose the conflict lines yes the conflict lines are

the people on the right for the most part is sort of for the truth this is how i and the left will do anything because they it's the white house's agenda and they're the con and i know john stewart has known this for years he He's just saying that they put out fake shit to drum us up, keep each other out of our throats. And I know Jon's known this for years. I don't know if Jake Tapper knows it or Brian Stelter or any other asshole that works at MSNBC, CNN, all the outlets. You understand? They don't have an ounce of truth to them. and all the outlets. You understand?

They don't have an ounce of truth to them. And, yeah, but what about Fox? Hey, Fox has on, they invite people on all the time of all stripes. They're making a little bit of an effort. Look at Tapper with that smug look. That's why he got the job. Anyways, Tapper laughed to look hip as Stewart pressed on to make his larger point. And it's right.

I'm just, I don't know, I don't think it's news to John. You are correct, sir. Then tap is, you know, but do you think it's all about the media tap ass following up? There isn't anything to the degree that sometimes activists on the left risk alienating a culture instead of educating and then bringing people in. Does that make sense, any of that question? Just gibberish. There's no logic. That's the worst sentence if you're broken down. And John rightly answered, their job isn't to educate necessarily, Stewart said, before taking a jab at activists on the left. He says, I'm uncomfortable with certain activism that feels performative. In other words, you're just doing it to be on TV,

and it doesn't do anything. I think a lot of time is not particularly helpful. He says a lot of times it's not particularly helpful. And if your goal is to create a change there, sometimes that performative activism isn't particularly helpful, he said again. But in the scheme of things, performative activism gets people's attention, and if the follow-up to that conversation is fruitful, you know, like burning down a city block because a black guy got shot by a white cop, shit like that. I wonder if that's considered performative. It can really be effective, but I don't generally think that the problem in democratic politics lies with activists. I just don't think that that's a fair assessment of what's wrong with democratic politics.

When he's saying democratic politics, is he talking about the party or democratic? Anybody? Buhner? Anybody? Buhner? Tapper earlier in the segment had asked Stewart about a new bill signed into law by Governor Shapeshifter Gavin Newsom, seen here, fucking Dracula, mother... requiring toy stores in the Golden State to have gender-neutral sections. Stewart believes it's a non-story receiving outsized coverage

because the media wants to gin up a debate. I would disagree on that because it's not a non-story to people who actually believe there's two genders. Right? This is always the argument. And the right would go, well, it's a slippery slope

because, you know, that's what they used to say about gay marriage and shit. Now we have to call a guy with a dick a girl. And so, you see, it's not that innocent, John, to some people. Honestly, he says, like that law, who gives a shit? A lot of people. A lot of people who want to keep the two genders. I've even seen Jon Stewart say, there's two sexes or whatever. So that's not a little thing when you're trying to change the world, in my opinion. Honestly, like that lie says, who gives a shit? And I say to that, that's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it.

I just did. He later added, I think the media does a terrible job at de-escalation, and de-escalation is the antidote to all of this nonsense. And I don't mean civility, and I don't mean non-partisanship. I mean focusing on things that are more urgent and elemental in people's lives, and really hammering away at those things rather than the emotional fault lines that occur in societies. And he's right. But John, and there are sides, and your side is guilty of it. You're the ones ginning up all this shit. You're the ones who fucking stand in front of a, a white couple has to guard their house in St. Louis because BLM fucking broke down the gate

and is threatening to kill and burn down their house. You know? And the gender thing's not a small thing. If you've got kids in school that are athletes or a girl, do you want your daughter changing next to a guy in the locker? Those are not fucking little things. And those divide. So some of it's

legit, but most of it is deflection. So anyways, I'm going to get him on the goddamn show. Handball Federation changes rule. By the way, thank you monthly subscribers to the show. Again, we're fucked without you. That's all I'm saying.

So sign everybody up, even people that you hate and who hate me. Handball Federation, big story. This ought to change the sports world. Changes. We reported on this a few months ago. Now I guess it's official, they've changed rules after a bikini row, ever see a row of bikinis, somebody tell me something, athletes competing in tournaments, we call handball people athletes, okay,

athletes competing in tournaments tied to the international handball Federation, will be allowed to wear bike shorts and tank tops, exactly what I wear when I sleep at night, during beach competition, rather than bikini bottoms. What are we fucking, and this isn't even our country, by the way. This is probably world rule change. What the fuck?

We're like pilgrims now. see what the feminists have done honestly this is a whole new generation of girls who think they being used as sex and you are just like guys are used for their money and wallet just fucking accept it we want us we don't give a fuck about handball on the beach unless you're in a bikini bottom. Put on a goddamn tuxedo, you'll get no ratings. Anyways. So yeah, they got to take away the bikini bottoms and they can put on a pair of Hager slacks. That'll be sexy. Pull those pleats up to your nipples. Months after an international row that included condemnation from a pop star, if you want to call pink a star, the Guardian newspaper reported that the Federation quietly altered its regulations

for beach handball at some point over the past month. The guys quietly did it because they realized it means they all have clits. Nobody respects them. Last month, five Nordic countries, oh my God, where the hottest pussy comes from. Am I right? I don't care if the Congo shut it down on Nigeria or El Salvador. We're talking about blonde pussy. Last month, five Nordic countries urged the Federation to review uniforms rules in accordance

with gender equality. See what equality does? Everything it touches, it turns to shit. After the Norway team was punished for wearing shorts instead of the mandated bikini uniform, here are the girls that probably all munch on each other. Look at Gronkowski. He slipped in on the right. The far right of your picture, Gronk's in there. Look at the ass and legs in that thing. Pterodactyl. Let's stare at their camel toes.

Norway's women were fined by European handball authorities for improper clothing after wearing shorts in the European beach. I love it, though. Probably a bunch of guys on the committee going, fucking tag them $10,000. Nobody wants to see those shorts. I wouldn't have fined them. Come on. They got a bronze medal

back in Bulgaria. You remember, right? You probably have it on your DVR. In July, a protest at the bikini style rule. What? Men are allowed to wear t-shirts and shorts, while women have to wear midriff bearing tops and bikini bottoms.

But I do know why that is. Because they're men and you're women. Ha ha! Nobody wants to see a guy's hairy balls and ass. Don't tell me these are more comfortable. What is more comfortable? I put on my wife's underwear, which is a bikini bottom. I put those on and I cut the grass. No chafing, silky soft. So don't give me that. There was an international uproar and the fine caught the attention of the singer Pink.

That's a girl? It's fucking Billy Idol 24 years ago. It's a nice time for a white titty. Start again. And there's Pink Pink by the way she's complaining about sexist behavior and this is how she dresses when she's performing does that make any sense again she's a half a man too

don't get me wrong I'd still toss one in her and punch her right in the face who offered to pay the fine at the time, the singer said she was proud of the beach handball team, in quotes on her social media. Protesting the very sexist rules about their uniform, the singer tweeted, the European Handball Federation should be fined for sexism, in capital letters, because she's one angry snatch-slapper. Good on you, ladies.

I'll be happy to pay for your fines. You keep it up. Who gives a fuck what you think? In the open letter, the five sports ministers from Denmark, yum, yum, Norway, hubba, hubba, Sweden, where you can have sex at 14, I believe, at least the last time I had a house over there. Iceland and Finland urge the International Handjob Federation and other international sports federations to review uniform rules and to allow athletes to be dressed in a way that suits performance and comfort. It's really a decision. You go bikini bottoms, camel toe.

Those shorts highlight your, come on, folks. Can you imagine a strike one up for feminism? Oh, you just don't. Just like Gloria Steinem. Remember, Gloria Steinem was a big feminist in the 60s, and every time you opened a Playboy magazine, she was spewing some feminist horse shit, and she gave it a married to rich guy. You guys are all fucking for feminism and equality, all that shit, until you hit about 30, your tits start sagging then you know it's fourth and long you're on

your own 20 with about a minute left. Hey Facebook bans penis book. Did I read that right? Facebook bans penis book. What in the what the hell? Come on now boy. Shazam. Well, Andy, I don't know about that. Who would have guessed he's gay? It seems the word penis is taboo for the censoring staff at Facebook. This makes perfect sense to me, by the way. As you know, they hire a lot of women and what do you call them, beta males?

You know what I mean? Bitches all around. And the book has the word, the title of the book has the word penis in it, which that's enough for them to get upset going, oh, it's almost like, you know what I mean? We don't have a penis. It's not fair. Once again, we're talking about men.

I swear to God, that's the level they work on because you can see way more offensive shit on facebook than the word peanut the social media giant has banned a tell-all political book by former cuomo and de blasio aide karen hinton called penis politics there's a picture of her airbrushed for three and a half hours. Penis politics, they banned it because of its saucy title. And despite the fact it's about sexism in government. Do you understand, folks, what's going on here? This is Cuomo just doing his job.

I don't know if it's Andrew or Chris. Might be Don Lemon with his life partner, Kevin. But my point is, it's, I, why would they, again, it's making a couple of big libs look bad, right? De Blasio, Cuomo, whoever they mention. That might have something to do, but I'm telling you, it's on a level that they just, Hinton's publisher, I don't even like the fact that she wrote the book. She's trying to cash in on 15 minutes, in my opinion. I don't give a fuck what Cuomo did. Hinton's publisher had planned on launching an ad campaign on Facebook today,

but the ads were ejected by stiffs, it says. Get it? Stiffs? Somebody who wrote this put stiffs... Very good. You got a lot of balls at the social media giant while banning hinton's book about sexual harassment facebook has been criticized for promoting misogynistic content and violence towards women where is that is that in between all the anti-white male shit that we're to blame for everything in the fucking way i don't know because i'm not on

facebook can i hit this anymore today? What am I? Like Michael J. Fox trying to do a show. I love him, by the way. Michael, that was a joke. I'm sure you're a big fan of the show. Hinton exclusively told Page Six,

today Facebook banned ads for my upcoming book, Penis Politics, because the company objects to the title. And she says they're being hypocritical. You fucking hypocrite.

Facebook should be ashamed. My book is about toxic power relationships in schools, the media, and politics. It's not about sex. What it does, though,

is let the people know that the men still run the world, kinda. And that's, they don't want that out there. Her memoir out of December 1st is about the toxic brew of ego, entitlement, and bro culture. Yeah, as opposed to, you know, feminist movements and no egos there, no anger, no misdirected in politics. It follows her op-ed coining the term penis politics to describe how powerful men assert control over women,

usually a scissors lock. What? In a subordinate position. Oh, my God. This is gross. I don't like this. This is rape. This is rape.

This is rape. It is not. It's how you get a raise. What? Hinton, who worked with disgraced Governor Cuomo when he was at the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, this is way, way back, has previously publicly accused him of bullying. See, you lose me there, lady, even if I was on your side. You're an adult calling another adult a bully.

I have no use for you. Grow the fuck up. I'm guessing the way you dressed you were asking for. Let that sink in, in 2021. Of bullying and inappropriately hugging her. Inappropriately hugging her. He didn't even cup your tit or pinch your ass? What did he do, like dry hump?

I don't... Hinton continued, page six, Facebook's actions are not surprising. The company has a documented history of promoting misogynistic content and sexual violence against women. Do they? I look for that shit all the time. I can't find it. Yet they are afraid of the word penis in a book about sexual harassment. Facebook also employs a double standard, which is mind-boggling, she says. In 2021,

Facebook features pages and pages about the highly acclaimed play, Vagina Monologues. Okay. That's pro-woman. That's like, right? That's shitting on men, basically, angry vaginas. They embrace vagina, but appear to be scared off and by, she puts, a little penis. So now we know what she's all about.

Okay? She used to get schwang, fang, fing. Got a little older and Cuomo started banging somebody else. And a little penis, she says. The advertising campaign on Facebook for my book was supposed to start today. I'm calling on Facebook to reverse the decision And stand for free speech Not banning Books

Are you really? My vagina's angry It is It's pissed off My vagina is furious And it needs to talk Well let's hear what it has to say Go to the fucking kitchen

And give me my big piece of chicken! Oh, that's an angry vagina. I don't even get that story. I don't know what she's pissed about. I don't understand why they banned. I'm confused. I mean, it makes guys look bad,

which Facebook is a left-wing company. I mean, come on. I don't. I really don't. I can only go to that feminist that sit on that centering set, whatever. They don't want anything mentioned where guys dominate, even if it hurts a man's cause. That's all I can get. I don't know how to make a dinner. I don't know how to make a restaurant. Come on, Paulie, you know, fucking take a piece of it. I don't know, restaurant business. Make, I'll make a meal. It's not fair, no? You know much about this? Yeah, he's in there 24 hours a day. I mean, he's in there another few minutes, it'd be a stool. All right, shoot, I could die.

I'd take a piece of that. Business slow? Fuck you, pay me. Halftime show. Not another gay story. At football game, a real drag is the headline. A Vermont high school homecoming football game turned into a drag ball. This is not, I got so much to say I want to cry. A drag ball runway at halftime because you want

to indoctrinate little kids with a mix of students and faculty members parading in gowns, wigs, and makeup, and a big crowd in rainbow colors to cheer them on. When a lot of the football players' parents were asked mostly the dads what they thought, they said, Fucking quiz! I don't agree with that. I think they should let the fly that flag, bitches. Things went amazing,

Ezra Totten. How can't you be gay with that name? Trans or fucking. Ezra Totten likes to eat cotton. I'll come up with something later. Student leader of the Gender Sexuality Alliance. What are you allied to?

Gender Sexually Alliance at Burlington High School. Are we not diseased? Are we not mentally ill as a nation? I'm not fucking kidding one bit. We are fucking, I don't know if China did it to us, Russia, I don't know who's doing it,

but they are so spot on. You can't go to a high school football game without being exposed to this shit. And this is where they like to do it because this is where the jocks and the bullies, you know, who picked on them. Now you can put on a nice evening gown and fuck up their day, or night. Sexually aligned at Burlington High School, that's in Vermont, said of Friday night's

event, which also included participants from South Burlington High School, the stands were completely packed with fudge packers. Good night, everybody. Nice knowing you. The stands were completely packed with fudge packers. Good night, everybody. Nice knowing you. The stands were completely packed. It was just so heartwarming to see, said a guy with cum all over his chin. As school cheerleaders wrapped up their routine, you know, the cisgender ones, it's still like, about 30 students and faculty members dressed as drag queens and kings, or a bit of both, walked out onto the field, and the crowd started to chant, drag ball, drag ball, drag ball.

Ah, the homosexuals. They met no resistance. People were chanting for it. I hope in the spirit of meanness and make the fun of them. Wait a minute. Now the second guy in that line, that's the tight end, isn't it?

About 6'3". Look at this aberration. And who's the jerk off in the tight jeans to the left? Probably a girl. You're right. You're right. That's Diane Landing. She's a music teacher.

Halfway through. Look at the guy in the front. He's got a mustache. You know, if it's in good fun to make people laugh, I'm with you. But it's not. You're trying to fly your flag. Now, I want to see other people, like cisgender guys who like to eat pussy, have their day at halftime. I'm not eating any more salt.

I can't believe how I look. Performers paraded and danced to show support for the LGBTQ what no plus people they also lip sync to singer Todrick Hall's rainbow rain yo Andrew Lavallee an English teacher and Alliance advisor at the school came up with the idea. He was put to sleep by some heterosexual dads. We had some people that are pretty involved in theater, you don't say, come in and talk about how you put on a persona, he said, after he said this. I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. LaVallee joined students on the runway dressed in Shakespearean burgundy gown. That's the guy with the wig.

And the mustache. Look at him. He looks terrific. He said, he said, let him eat pork chops and mashed potato. He said he was inspired by Lady Macbeth and Marie Antoinette.

That's why I didn't, I stay away from Shakespeare. I end up like that. But that's what he did. And he went into the principal's office. No, actually the football coach's office to ask if he could do that. And the head coach, thank God, said this. Get out of my room, you sick cunt.

I was just really hoping to give our students who are both out and the students that were in the stands who are not out a moment to shine and feel loved and know that there's a place for them in public schools. You really think we don't know that? Athletic director Coran Pinckney suggested that the show be held at homecoming. Pinckney, who was black, said that the school gave him the space to uplift my voice. And this is what you did with it? And then he was able to reciprocate and uplift the voices

of another marginalized group. Oh, everybody's marginalized and victimized. I am so sick of talking about this shit. I'm going to do the show in Spanish tomorrow and share a space in the athletics realm that doesn't normally get shared. In other words, these are the people that

bully us, like I just said. That's faggot stuff. You want a court by its name, that's strictly for fags. That's it. I can't talk about it anymore. I've had enough. By the time I leave here, I have breasts. Oh, I forgot. This guy,

what a dick he was. He ran on the field bare ass in the third quarter of that game. That's a podcast extraordinaire, Nick DiPaolo. Jesus Christ, I should go. You understand if I went on stage like that, doesn't Eddie Izzard do that? If I went on stage as funny as I am and just fooled the business and said I am bi or whatever, do you understand how famous I'd be? I'd like to do a light one here

as far as this is a story exclusive to you guys so I get to gross you guys out and not the other people. No groceries? No problem. Wr wrote the asshole. An enterprising woman on TikTok has left viewers utterly, get it, U-D-D-E-R, utterly shocked after showcasing butter that she made from her own breast milk.

I make it for my jizz. Nobody's doing a piece on me. I got a chunk of blue gorgonzola. Did you see my pillow? What's that place Hickory Farms used to be? A clip of the Dairy Queens, oh, that was kind of a good one, I don't, a clip of the Dairy Queens, oh, that was kind of a good one. I don't know. A clip of the Dairy Queens made from scratch bread spread. Oh, get it?

That's an Asian person trying to say bread spread. Captioned, my crowning achievement. That's what she captioned. Currently boasts 1.2 million viewers. Yeah, we're not a horny nation. We might see a tit. You know it's all guys. You know, back in New York in the heyday when I moved there,

in Times Square you could go into a booth, and for 50 cents you could watch a woman lactate into a champagne glass. That was actually a punchline in one of my jokes. Anyways, get over a million views on a platform because we're pigs. I've done it. I've made butter out of my breast milk, confesses laughing mom, Laura Hall, before panning to a pad of creamy condiment inside a bag.

Again, I keep creamy condiments in my bag, and then I release them every couple days. You get what I'm saying? I don't know if I've ever been more proud. There's my butter. Again, this sounds like me right after sex. My butter. My utter butter.

That's your world. I just live in it. I like how... Anyway, let's check it out. She actually tasted it, which means this broad's wild a bit. Ready? It doesn't taste great. Houston, we have a problem.

What's your out of 10? Delicious. Delicious. Five. Five. To me, it tastes like, you know, when you, like, burp, and it kind of tastes like throw up. Do you concur with that?

No. You like it? That's enough. Delicious. Delicious. Thank you. Delicious. Thank you. Imagine you come home and you see your wife in the kitchen making butter out of tit milk.

This would be my reaction. Why did you do that, Terry? Why did that cut off? Why did you do that, Terry? They were going to find it. They were going to find it. It's the only milk I had left. Why can't they show the whole breast like on YouTube?

Ever do that, fellas, late at night? You go, I'm kind of horny on YouTube. Maybe I'll put on a breast pump video or maybe Brazilian waxing. They show everything. How is that possible? I can't talk about COVID being bullshit, but you can show a woman's box being shaved? Somebody help me understand the internet, please. Anyways, in subsequent tutorial clips, the self-sufficient mom demonstrates how she manufactures her mammary margarine.

This guy's having a ball. By leaving a jar of freshly pumped breast milk out until the fat separates and the cream ascends to the top. The extreme, uh, luck of war then skims off the cream and churns it with an electric whisk before finally straining the solids into a, uh, pat. Jesus, put it like that. I'm never going to fucking have milk or cheese.

Uh, unfortunately, her cream of teat has received, the guy writing this must have been howling, a woman, received mixed reviews thinking he was funny. Mixed reviews within her household. Per another video showing her taste testing the toes, topping it with her hubby, while her soulmate claimed that I'll eat anything that comes out of you. Anyways. In fact, butter isn't the only treat produced by Hull. Another video shows the mother making breast milk ice cream, which has since been tried and approved by Ben and Jerry, who loved it. No.

And approved by her three-year-old daughter. Yeah, let's listen to her. Anyway, she still has, you know, amniotic fluid in her eyes. Making things out of breast milk has become all the rage of late, with opportunistic mothers using it to manufacture everything from jewelry to acne masks. I've given a lot of girls acne masks. That's not how they looked at it.

They looked at it like this. What the fuck? All how they looked at it. They looked at it like this. What the fuck? All right, that is it. Yeah, right before you blow your load, the girl that's blowing it, she sounds like big pussy before they killed her on the boat.

Just not in the face, okay? That is it. What a funny story. Might want to put that one up. Thank you guys again monthly subscribers for being so faithful guitar solo Outro Music