The Nick DiPaolo Show - "F" NYT - Gruden For President | Nick Di Paolo Show #608

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

Raider Jon Gruden Resigns. CA require gender-neutral toys. Dog throws up sex toy. Philly fans arrested for sex.

Thanks for watching. Whether on social media or in our schools, on television, or from the White House, now more than ever, our freedoms, especially freedom of speech, are being suppressed, and that's putting it mildly. That's why I do this show, and that's why I put it out for free. For those of you who are able, please consider contributing to the show in any amount so we can keep it free and maintain a forum where right-leaning, honest, unfiltered comedy exists. Just click on the contribute button on your screen or go to nickdip.com and click on the contribute button at the top. Thank you guys so much. Let's keep this freedom fight going. guitar solo Yeah, yeah, yeah, boy, boy.

What's up, kids? Monday, Tuesday. Excuse me. Tuesday. That's right, I took a day off. Somebody has to show Columbus some respect. Fucking idiots. I found a clip online. I should have brought it in today.

But then the show would be too long. Some kid got schooled at Notre Dame. He stands up, some woke little white kid. And they had some guy on who's like a history. His IQ's about 240. And he just, this kid's like, how can on who's like a history his IQ is about 240 and he just this kid's like how can you say he's a hero and here's a quote from his journal and this guy just buried this kid he's like yeah you're taking today's standards and trying to apply them to 500 years ago when you know the same morals he goes your, your whole generation, he goes, you're like, it's like somebody standing on a giant shoulder

and thinking they're flying. Oh, he fucking, he brutalized this kid for three minutes. Kid was literally mumbling when he went away. But anyhow, that's neither here or there, as the fags say. I don't like their word either. I think it's hateful. How about them Red Sox? That's all I'm going to say, folks.

Look, you know, I'm a fucking diehard sports fan from Boston. What, am I not going to say something? They were picked to finish fourth at the highest in that division? Huh? Tampa? Led the league in wins, I think, or at least the American League. Huh? Oh, my God. Tampa Led the league in wins I think Or at least the American league Oh my god Walk off by that fat little

Puerto Rican Vasquez I think he's That guy can't hit all year Well his average But after the 7th inning on The guy comes through Even during regular season He hit about 220 this year.

But he is as clutch as I fucking, it amazes me. And then you get Quique Hernandez, who had five hits in one game, three doubles a home and a single, and they get three hits in the next game. And then Devers. Do I need to say more? Guy's playing with a bad hand. He hits a bomb.

I'm telling you, I'm in love with this team, folks. Anyhow, I know you're bored with that shit because you're probably from Detroit or Cleveland. I'm just saying. Sports-wise. Ooh, big night in the NHL. Is it tonight or tomorrow night? The Seattle Kraken. Do you know

they have a new team and it's called the Kraken? Who came up with that? Trump's attorney. Sidney Powell, was that her name? Remember? I'm just saying it was a great weekend. And in the football pool, after six weeks, 100 people, I'm number one.

Which means if I was in Vegas betting, I'd be killing it. Otherwise, if I win the pool, I gotta to think $11 and I beat my niece. All right, let's roll, shall we? Let's get on with this piece of baba baba. Hey, in the N-word segment tonight, the Biden administration, I want this mic a little up here. How do I do that? Anyways, the Biden administration, I'll do this, has agreed to give millions of dollars in humanitarian aid to Afghanistan. That money has about as much chance of being used to help the Afghan people as it is to sponsor a wet T-shirt contest at the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi.

And you know what? We get in return for that? The Taliban agreed that we don't have to recognize them in any official way politically. Boy, once again, the Dems show they have the negotiating skills of the Lenape Indians. Those would be the Indians that sold us Manhattan for 24 bucks. I guess the hundreds of millions we left in military equipment over there wasn't enough. Let's give these terrorists some walking around, I should say, some limping around money, since they all have peg legs. I'm sure it will go towards the

construction of children's hospitals, women's education, and the balance will go, I'm sure, to the LGBTQ community center in the Helmand Province. That, you hear, is Dallas, who's over there twice, knows what a shithole the helmet promise. Are you shitting me? That money is going to be seed money for terror groups who would like to see nothing more than another 9-11 in this country. But rest easy, folks. One of the Taliban ministers told us they promised that they would see to it, they would see to it that Afghan soil would not be used to launch terror attacks on other countries. And why shouldn't we believe

a guy who's missing his left eye, has a hook for a hand, and he's wearing a necklace around his neck, made of dead U.S. servicemen's teeth? Why wouldn't we believe him? These guys still play poker with al-Qaeda on the weekends, for Christ's sake. But don't worry about it. I mean, what could happen? Oh, there was one more sticking point, one minor sticking point. The Taliban, they said, would not aid the United States in the reigning end of the Islamic state, which is ISIS. How insane is it that the Biden and company believes the Taliban can be a reliable counterterrorism partner? That's like Britney Spears saying, you know, my dad sucked as my conservative, but I think he would make

a great manager. It's nice to know our tax money is going to contribute to our collective deaths. Anyways, that is the N-word for today. God, how stupid are they? You know Obama's pulling the strings, right? You know this is his third term. Everybody, that's the big dirty secret inside Washington. It's not a secret inside Washington. You remember him and our president, our current president, remember they sent the, they sent the, you know what, what do you call it, with 150, 150 million on it, the wooden things that you, on a loading dock, that you, on a loading dock, the thing in your throat, a pallet. Yeah, anyways, so that's behind, here's my, can I just, I'm looking macro here, they are, they have their foot on the gas, right? They are, the libs, the left, they are throwing everything at us. This is like a Hail Mary.

And let me tell you something. Unless they steal the next election like they did this one, if this shit doesn't stick, I would think, again, hopeful thinking, that will be the end of the Democrat Party in this country. Because what else could they do? They're systematically destroying this country, whether it's going after the FBI, going after parents, you know, of school kids, mandating vaccines, airlines are closing.

Everything is being uprooted on purpose. It's on purpose. It's fucking frightening. And if somebody, like I said, if somebody comes in, I don't know. It's a global effort, so I don't know. I can't take it anymore. Do you understand? I might move to Abu Dhabi. I hear they televise hand choppings. You know how we have funniest home videos over here? PC has run amok, has it not,

folks? You liberal people, you're sick. If you vote Democrat, I got nothing to do with you anymore. Try to be nice. I'm glad I'm not in New York sitting around the fucking comedy table with nitwits I used to have to just bite my tongue and... Anyways, let's move on. PC. There are white niggers. I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time. In our RTR segment tonight, reverse the races, Raiders coach John Gruden resigns.

John Gruden resigned as Vegas Raiders head coach after an explosive report Monday night in the New York Times. This is what the New York Times does. They destroy people's lives. They sit there like they are above. I fucking, somebody, I hope something happens to that building. I'm not going to say what. And I don't mean an elevator going out. Monday, New York Times revealed that Gruden used homophobic and misogynistic language in emails over a seven-year period ending in 2018.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. Can you imagine being fired by Mark Davis, the guy with the fucking retarded haircut? By the way, his dad was a gangster. He would never.

What happened to just when, baby? Anyhow, only a few days after the first email leak caught Gruden using racist language, more emails surfaced because the twats at the New York Times have time to do that. Just go through because they have nothing else to do. They hate their lives.

They weren't popular in high school. More emails surfaced showing that Gruden mocked, excuse me, the drafting of the first openly gay player in NFL history. Did not support the emergence of women in the NFL as officials. Vulgarity used the female anatomy as an insult and called for the release of players protesting during the national anthem, according to the Times. Nick, what's your response to that? Gruden for president, now and forever? My point being, my point being,

we all have emails like that. I don't give a fuck who you are. Black people, I'm sure you have racist shit. I'm supposed to believe Gruden is racist. He's spent more than half his life turning young black men into men, because that's what pro coaches do, by the way, in college and whatever. You think a racist is going to take a job in the NFL, which is about 85% black, have you guys forgotten what the definition is? Oh, I forgot. We're talking the left wing, where fucking words are more important. Even if they're 10 years old, words are more important than a man's actions. How fucking dare you?

Where are the people on the right digging shit up on high-profile black athletes or gay athletes or women because we all have this shit in our past really you're going back 10 years i wonder who he really pissed off in the biden administration think about it he's a perfect high profile white guy that we can pin all the shit on that's that's how they think gruden coachuden, keep your chin up because, and here's my other question, where are the black players, all of them, that he's coached for the last 20 years? Where are you?

Are you going to just keep your mouth shut and go, oh, that's one for our team? Really? Because I know if he was racist around you, we would have heard about it already. So you're just going to keep your mouth shut because of politics? I'm supposed to believe kids that are drafted out of the ghetto. Oh, I'm sure they love white people.

Somebody start digging up shit on them. And I'm not even blaming the players. I'd like to blow the fucking New York Times up is what I'd like to do. But people on the right, why don't you start fighting back and digging up shit? As the whole fucking world did on this joke. Fucking infuriate. I still have more to say. I don't even remember.

Raiders owner Mark Davis, slightly retarded, and I'm not kidding, met with Gruden to accept the Super Bowl winning coach's resignation. Assistant coach Rich Basaccia will take over as interim head coach, the team announced. Gruden to accept the Super Bowl winning coach's resignation. Assistant coach Rich Bisaccia will take over as interim head coach, the team announced. Gruden's emails from as far back as 2011.

That's important. So that's what you're doing in 2021? Keep digging? What did he piss somebody off at a fucking bar in Oakland, a gay park? What? pissed somebody off at a fucking bar in Oakland, a gay park, whatever. Anyways, as far back as 2011, the emails were sent to then Washington football team president Bruce Allen and the others while he worked for ESPN as a Monday night football analyst and NFL draft quarterback guru. Throughout a seven-year period as an omnipresent media figure, Gruden was one of the most coveted available coaches in the league before securing a whopping $10 million, 10-year, $100 million contract with the Raiders in 2018.

But you see, he worked at Disney, so don't think they didn't have something to do with it. ESPN is Disney. Them and the New York Times, they suck each other's dicks. That's how it works, you know. Gruden's homophobic language. Yes, because we all know black players aren't homophobic. We have black players in the NFL right now playing, like Antonio Brown has a cut, what, three women accused him of sexual assault, not to mention Deshaun Watson, who has 22 women suing him right now for sexual assault, and

he's not officially out of the NFL. But a white guy said something fucking homophobic or sexist. I'll say it again. The 10 people that run the world, eight of them are gay, and the other two are trans and black. I swear to fucking God. I swear to fucking God. Gruden's homophobic language included calling NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a faggot.

Who wouldn't agree with that? Who should not have pressured then Rams coach Jeff Fisher into drafting queers according to the report. By the way, gay people call themselves queer. I just hit the fucking... Anyways, he went in the seventh round. He was the seventh round draft pick.

And his career didn't last that long, so... Fucking queers! And this isn't about homophobia, disliking gay people, all that shit. These are words that straight white guys, especially involved in sports,

alpha males, black guys, Asian Indian, this is how we talk. And it's in our DNA. You can try to legislate the shit out of it. But New York Times, do some digging on high-profile black people and gay people. While Sam's career with the Rams was short-lived, the Raiders' Carl Nassib became the first openly gay active player to appear in the regular season just this year. And what now rings like a phony

soundbite of support, Gruden told the Vegas Journal-Review after Nassib revealed his sexual orientation in June that Gruden said, I learned a long time ago what makes a man different is what makes him great. So what? So he uses the word fag? That means he hates... Gruden's authority and credibility in a locker room...

By the way, Nassif, where are you? Are you going to speak out for Gruden? Who could have said, you know what? I don't like this. But he didn't. Credibility in a locker room already was in danger after last week when it was uncovered that he sent an email to Allen about NFL Players Association executive director Demore Smith containing this racist

insult. Demore Smith has lips the size of Michelin tires. Am I missing something? These blacks. Who knows where they're going to take the wrong way. By the way, Josh Jacobs, a black star running back, told reporters this week

that they did not sense racism from Gruden. We'll get a few hundred other guys that coach with him. My point is there's plenty of racist shit that goes the other way that you guys aren't digging up. Gruden's

subsequent apology included denying he is a racist, but the latest emails reviewed by the Times reveal a pattern. Oh, really? After 10 years, you went over 200,000 fucking emails, you found a pattern?

Of disturbing thinking. To you, Nicky, you defending? Yeah, I am. I'm defending free speech is what I'm defending targets of his misogynistic insults inclusive included President Joe Biden during his term as vice how do you how are you misogynistic against a guy I don't even uh maybe he said he was a bitch and Caitlyn Jenner

by the way Caitlyn Jenner said you should be making fun of me. That's a quote from Caitlyn Jenner. So stick it up your ass, New York Times, after she transitioned in 2015. Closer to home for the league, Gruden received an email with a sexist meme of a female referee and replied, nice job, Roger, which is how 99% of the players feel, I'm sure. Roger, which is how 99% of the players feel, I'm sure. And if a black coach said it, there wouldn't be a peep. On one of the most landscape-changing issues the NFL has ever faced, social justice, Gruden embodied the racism that protesting players warned about, saying Eric Reid should be fired for kneeling during the anthem and writing that Goodell needs to hide his concussion protocol tent for supporting racial equality and criminal

justice reform per the report. You are correct, sir. He means that as far as Goodell being the commissioner of the NFL should keep politics out of it. You really think he's against equality in everyday life, in society? You got, fucking A, man. Once again, it's the Twitter mob just scaring the shit out of people. You fucking losers. And you're not that many of yous.

You're just fucking losers who have a disproportionate amount of power. You go to the company, scare the shit out of them. We'll stop boycotts, we'll close you down. And then they shit their pants. Corporations are so woke today

because they're ballers. They're run by white guys with tiny nuts for the most part. The emails were sent by the league to the Raiders last week, according to NFL Network. But Gruden still was allowed to stalk the sidelines. Oh, he's stalking the sidelines.

Looking for young children to eat. Sunday in his 229th and likely final regular season game. So he's coached 229 NFL games, not to mention college career and all that shit. And he's a racist. Surrounded by young black men and

the like. I don't want fucking female refs. Neither do the players. Can we have something to ourselves? That's all he means. Fucking impose your, keep imposing your view of the world on people who don't agree with it.

Gruden for president, put that up for a clip. And likely the final regular season game as an NFL, good job New York Times. He led the Buccaneers to a Super Bowl win in 2002, but that's sexist because it's a Lombardi trophy and he was an asshole. Gruden sounded freshly aware of the old content Sunday when he explained to ESPN his employer, by the way, that's Disney, the most PC company in the world, at the time that he used inappropriate language to describe Goodell because he was angry about the team owner's lockout.

Excuse me. Yeah, nobody's done that, right? We've never said hateful shit out of anger and emotion. But it's only white, straight white guys that they, you know, they'll hold it against. Back in 2011, they had a holdout. That's when some of the emails were written about Goodell. Of course, the vitriol continued long after the lockout ended.

Ooh, see this? They're taking it apart. Per the report, and Gruden claimed he saw Goodell's emphasis on safety as the cause for scaring parents into holding their sons out of youth football. Try arguing that. When they attack football, do you understand, you understand, you guys have been watching movies that were made in hollywood

and sitcoms and shit i've been saying this since the early 90s i'd say to my buddies late 80s i go every time you watch a movie we know who makes the movies nerds that's who show business attracts you notice every time the asshole kid in the movie in high school is a football guy who wears a letter jacket, whether it's a movie or shit, they are, that's their, they are so, that's their kryptonite, the fucking nerds. Especially if he's a white guy, you know. It's always the asshole with the letter jacket. He's a jock. Gruden and Allen worked together during the coach's first stint as a Raiders head coach

when Allen moved to head of Washington's front office he hired John's brother, Jay Gruden, as head coach John Gruden, Allen, and other prominent businessmen some with ties to college football also shared topless photos of women really? a pro football organization well look at him, tits

really? a pro football organization. Well, look at him, tits. Really? Including one of two Washington cheerleaders. Oh, my God. They asked Gruden about this. He said, I like it, yeah. Gruden and Allen seemed to share a laugh over a crude sexual and homophobic joke at the expense of Brian Glazer, whose family owns the Buccaneers, and fired Gruden in 2008.

So I don't know what he's a fan. We don't know that. Allen and many other executives were fired in 2020 as part of a separate workplace discrimination and misconduct investigation in Washington. Separate workplace discrimination and misconduct investigation in Washington. Ooh, you're tugging to that deep, huh? Guys are kind of crude, are they, in the NFL? You got players who are fucking felons out there. Fucking felons. Repeat felons.

They beat their girlfriends. They shoot up strip clubs. They're black. Hands off. None of the findings that led to Washington team over Daniel Snyder's $10 million fine and relinquishment of day-to-day control have been shared by the NFL.

But these emails were part of the findings and it had a ripple effect across the league and changed the face of the Raiders. Yes, to a pirate with a cock in his mouth. Sickening. Coach Gruden,

99% of the people that I consider sane have your back. Sue them. Where are the fucking other emails of other people? He was perfect. White guy.

As white as they come. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Rich. High profile. Alpha male. Perfect target for the New York Times. And you wouldn't find the guy that I described like that in the New York Times.

Oh, man, did that fucking set me off. I love fucking Gruden. Still do. Gruden for president, I'll say it again. Yeah. Gruden for president. Dice Clay, vice president. Sam Kinison, secretary of state.

Let's move on before I shit my pants. California will require gender-neutral toy. Thank God we settled this. Gender-neutral toy aisles, my God, because I'll tell you. God forbid a woman whose little daughter wanted to play with an army soldier or fire truck had to walk over to the boys aisle and get it. God forbid.

See, they're sending you a message by changing that. Nice going, Newsom, you cocksucker, you swallowing, cum-guzzling, fucking piece of shapeshifting shit. California became the first state in the nation Saturday to adopt a law requiring large retail stores to provide gender neutral,

by the way, as we're doing all this, gas is going up to six dollars a fucking gallon. Pack of hot dogs is $42. China's hacking into it. But you know what? Look at... Here's the two gender dolls. Let me tell you how I feel about these dolls. I'd fuck the one on the left then I let the one on the right blow me. Put that in an email. Send this show to the New York Times. I'm sick of working. That's pretty good, because I don't know what sexes those are. That looks like that angry dyke soccer player on the left, And the kid on the right looks like Johnny Mathis in second grade. Jandra Nolte toy sections under a bill signed by

Governor Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Newsome. He signed the bill. That's important shit, isn't it? Here he is showing how much his asshole was stretched out by his life partner this weekend. The new law, which takes effect asshole was stretched out by his life partner this weekend. Throwing your son looks like a fag to me. The new law which takes effect... I talked to my mom and she said,

the reason you're not on Fox or anything else because you talk too much mean stuff about women. I said, shut the fuck up. The new law which takes effect in 2024 says that retail stores with 500 or more employees must sell some toys and child care products outside of areas specifically labeled by gender. Retailers can continue to offer other toys and child care goods in traditional boy and girl sections if they

choose to. I don't believe where we're heading. Newsom offered no comment on the bill because he had a cock in his mouth and couldn't talk. He had no comment on the signing. One of several announced in the final batch of legislative actions waived for the year. Assembly Bill 1084 continues a gradual shift in the retail industry, away from strictly marketing children's products under traditional gender stereotypes. What you call stereotypes is what we call the biological truth. So suck a dick and die, said Assemblyman Evan Lowe, Democrat, Campbell. I don't even know who that is.

Oh, fucking idiot! Yeah, you got that right. He introduced it. He introduced the legislation. There. Is that him? Yeah. Got a nice necklace on.

Nice little Asian fella. Look at, he's wrapping up the flag so he can throw it in the dumpster. Target dropped boys' and girls' toy sections in 2015, and that's why I took a dump in the fitting room there. And other retailers have since moved away from gender-specific labels. Part of it is to make sure, if you're a young girl, that you can find a police car, fire truck,

or a periodic table. Is that to track their periods? No. I'm confused. Oh, that to track their periods? No. I'm confused. Oh, that's what the element's on it. Yeah, cobalt, which is what your crotch is filled with. Makes no sense. Periodic table or dinosaur fucking.

This is for autistic kids, not girls. We all know retards love dinosaurs. Nick, that's not nice. I loved dinosaurs as a kid. I'm a little retarded. You'd agree with that, wouldn't you? And then similarly, if you're a boy, listen to this. This is where I put a hole in my new kitchen cabinet. If you're a boy, if you're more artistic, are you still, that's a stereotype. Are you still? That's a stereotype.

Are you still calling little kids who might be gay artistic? And want to play with glitter. Why not? Why not? Because it's a short leap from playing with glitter to having his asshole ripped open. The fucking gym. to having his asshole ripped open. The fucking gym.

By another kid who likes glitter, only outweighs him by a hundred pounds. Why should you feel the stigma of saying, oh, this should be shamed and going to a different location? Oh, my God. Please give me a cup. I can't. I can't, Billy.

I can't. It can't, Billy. I can't. It's against ape law. Lau, or Lo, said the daughter of one of his staff members inspired the bill when the girl questioned why she had to go to the boys' section to find a certain toy. So this is how you guys are basing your policies on little girls' and little boys' opinions. Why, Daddy, do I have to go to the boys' section? I'd be if I was the fire, because you have a clit. Usually people with cocks like fire trucks.

That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. That's what I would have said to my little daughter. Daddy, why do you have to go to the boys to get a fire truck? It's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Now let's get out of the store. Children have a very unique way of saying things that provide some common

sense Lowe said yeah again admitting that they rely on common sense from a six year old girl trying to find a fire truck I think it's important that we as a state are demonstrating our values no it's not your job isn't to demonstrate

values you fuckhead it's to pass shit that people vote on it. California never does. Remember the people who didn't want to, they didn't want gay marriage to be legal. I think 187 was the bill. You remember? It was clear by every poll in California, people against it, and they went with it anyway. Make me sick to my stomach.

Values of diversity inclusion. Diversity inclusion. Diversity. Think about how many times you've heard that in the last 40 fucking years. Democratic. Can we destroy the Democrat Party? We'll let them do it themselves, but I can't wait till November of 2022.

Democrat lawmakers received criticism for the so-called nanny state governing as the proposal moved through the legislature this year, with opponents arguing that government should not tell a private company how to organize or display its merchandise. Well, that used to be true, but now that we're in a Marxist-slash-socialist society, that's how it works, even though it's not the people's will. And again, I'll thank you jerk-offs who vote Democrat the last 50 years.

Nick, calm down. I can't. Eleventh cup of coffee. Exploding diarrhea yesterday. I'm glad I was home, folks. Couldn't leave the bathroom. I was having triplets. Hey, guys, I'll be back in Florida at the end of the month. I'm going to be doing four shows at the Fasani Comedy Theater, Port Charlotte, Florida, October 28th, 29th, and 30th. I had a great time, as you know, in Florida last month.

I always do. There's hot tubs and big fake tits. And I'm looking forward to these shows in Port Charlotte. It's going to be great. If you live in Port Charlotte or Venice, Naples, all parts of Italy, or Fort Myers, anywhere with a spring ball, make plans to come out and see me live. Also, I'm back at the Plaza Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, November 12th and 13th, and just added dates early next year in upstate New York, New Jersey, and on Long Island.

While I'm there, I'm going to go to Brian Lonnie's parents' house and blow it up. Who's with me? Get tickets to all my shows at nickdip.com or davechapelle.org. Can't believe he's getting all this press for being so edgy, a black guy who couldn't get in trouble if he shot a baby. I love, by the way, you know, Chappelle's one of my favorites ever. I like him as a person. He used to hang out at the Comedy Cellar and truly one of the best, I think. But just, it's, I don't have a problem with him, it's

the people that turn these people into heroes that are missing the point. Ask yourself this, is there one white comic as high profile as Dave Chappelle that wouldn't have got his canceled after going head-to-head with the LGBT? This is like the third time he's had an issue. All right, let's roll on, Maddie. Reminds me of last night at the house. Reminds me of last night at the house. Are you dog styling me a segment tonight? Dog throws up pink sex toy at the vets.

Come on, who hasn't had this happen? I had a cat once throw up nipple clamps at a birthday party. A vet was left astounded when a dog visited the clinic, Tommy, I love you for this one, and vomited a rather unusual item. First of all, that's not an unusual item. I got one, my wife's got one. Got the niece and nephews once. Everybody uses them. I use mine to make pesto.

I use mine to make pesto. Anyways, the dog puked up a pink vibrator. While it's not clear how it happened, oh, I think I know how it happened. The dog was involved in a threesome with his broad and her husband, and something happened. Oh, I think I know how it happened. The dog was involved in a threesome with his broad and her husband, and something happened. The fucking dog flipped over while the guy was tonguing his balls. He thought that was like a fucking popsicle or chew toy. It happens. Well, it's not clear how it happened. The owner was relieved when her pooch threw up the sex toy. She grabbed it right there and started testing it to see if it worked at the veterinarian's office.

Her number is 177. A video shared onto a popular Reddit thread shows, I can't believe we have footage of this. This may be harder than a whale's tooth. The medium-sized rottweiler standing in the middle of the treatment room where the staff have put down a few pee-pee pads. And he was like, fuck this. Pee-pee pads? You're boring me. Watch this.

And let's take a look. Dog food! Adam Shaw here's dog food! Dog food! Just walk him away. We're good. Who doesn't like a good vibrator with a nice beef gravy?

How about the broad going, we're good? You know that thing was in her pussy about six minutes after that. What kind of show is this? One of the best ones on TV. Fake TV. Anyways, what a video. I like that better than the Kennedy assassination. Within seconds, the canine started to throw up some disgusting yellow liquid, that's brown liquid, followed by a neon pink vibrator and... An assistant holding the dog's leash is seen retching. An assistant holding the dog's leash is seen retching.

I didn't see anybody retching, did you? In the background, while the dog owner cheers, Whoa, here it goes. What a whore. The camera woman can be heard saying, Just walking away. Yeah, we're good. She's a little whore and a little piece of trash.

The Reddit user shared the clip along with a joke. When you want to party, but you get too excited. Hilarious. Who wrote that? Fucking Nancy Pelosi. One viewer said it happened to them in the past. I used to be a vet tech. We once got a Rottweiler to throw up oyster shells in condoms. Big deal. I got a girl to do that when I was on spring break at the beach. Oyster shells and condoms. It's the name of a

new album I'm going to put up. The guy who brought him in said he needs to throw up but wouldn't say why. Then the dog threw up condoms and fucking oyster shells. I've seen a girl do that. It's a lot of fun. That was a good one, wasn't it? Speaking of crazy people, I love Philly. I love the sports fans. I fell in love with the Philly sports fans when I was about 10 years old.

And they were playing the Giants. And Santa Claus showed up and they fucking drilled ice balls at him. Do you remember that? I mean ice balls. Hitting him in the face. Almost blinded the guy. That's when I fell in love with Phil. Nick, now why would you?

Because. I didn't like Santa. I thought he was mean. Plus, I believe he's really black, Santa. You ever hear Artie Lang's joke about that? People don't know if Santa's black or white. He goes, really? You think he's black? You think a black guy in the middle of the night slips down your chimney and leaves gifts for white kids. I found that racist. Philly fans arrested for sex in the bathroom.

If you're sick of watching people get arrested for fighting at sporting events, well, who's sick of that, number one? What a faggy society. Two Philadelphia Eagle fans were reprimanded for attempting a different, more pleasurable act. What'd they do, cough up a vibrator in the store? During Sunday's Eagle Panthers game at Carolina's Bank of America Stadium, something went on down there, a crowd surrounded one stall in the men's bathroom after a fan noticed four feet under one door.

People gather around with their phones, where are we? Where we going? I'm not even religious but I know if there's a hell roll. While some people experiment with handcuffs during sex, two Eagle fans who ignored North Carolina's public bathroom laws were cuffed after the act. Surprised the girl wasn't already cuffpped. Good night, everybody. God, I've got to get quick over there. While a growing group stood outside the stall door with their phones,

welcome to America. Not a bad looking broad. Two police officers entered the room to break up the action. They watched for about 20 minutes and then said, hey, hey. After knocking on the stall door, the couple emerged fully clothed

and the male counterpart, come on, there's got to be a camera that we can see. Counterpart was quickly handcuffed. It has not been reported if the woman was also arrested or what the charges are going to be. They had fun. The party's over.

They say that all good things must end. Call it a night. The party's over. And tomorrow and next year starts the same old thing again. I like it. Uh-huh. I see him on the street. Install number two.

Anyways, that's some wild shit, huh, folks? I'll tell you, man. I'm Bob Texaco Hope. That's wild. Oh, I want to relate. Philadelphia, back at old Veterans Stadium, and this is Artie Lang told me this too. I knew about it. They actually had a jail and a little courtroom under the stadium at Veterans Stadium.

That's how many fights and violence would go on back in the 70s and the 80s. Aikman, Troy Aikman, the Cowboys are playing the Eagles. Some guy got arrested drunk, you know, drunk on the stands starting a fight or whatever. So he's down. They put him in the jail below the thing, and then they bring him out, and the judge says, you can make one statement. And he goes, this is a true story. Troy Aitman's a faggot.

God bless it. Anyways, this episode of the DiPaolo Show is sponsored by mybookie.com. A-D? Oh, it says ad read. Mybookie.com. A.D.? Oh, it says AdRee. Mybookie.com. These are one of our best sponsors, actually. Where you're betting is just as important as who you are betting on. That's why I always tell people to put your money down at mybookie.

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So take their word for it. That is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. Good to be back after a long weekend. I want to thank, before I go, thank financial contributors to the show. That is our lifeblood. Andre Lamothe, Canada. Rob Goldberg, Illinois. Norman Sterling, Illinois. Andy Navin, Pennsylvania. Robert Hickman of California. Carl Niswanger, Colorado. Sean Sherwood, Wildcat, Arras, North Dakota. Sagnellas, right nut.

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You can do that at nickdip.com. You can do it anywhere. Patreon. I think. I don't know. Don't forget the comicsgym.com, the permanent home of this show. And nickdip.com. If you click on the tour date, you'll see where I'm doing stand-up live.

And cameo.com. And that's if you want me to roast a friend, a relative, you go to Cameo.com, tell me about the person. I'll make a video on my phone, minute and a half, two minutes, really zinging them,

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We'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a great day, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music