The Nick DiPaolo Show - Fauci Full Of It | Nick Di Paolo Show #1363
Episode Date: March 2, 2023Fauci Won't Budge. Buttigieg To Be Audited For Travel. Mrs. Mahomes Mad. Peanut Butter Prank. Join Nick for bonus content at Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow Go see Nick on the road! www.ni...ckdip.com/tour for tickets
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I'm really proud of you.
LA's fine, but it ain't home.
New York's home, but it ain't mine no more.
I am, I said, to no one there.
And no one heard at all, not even the chair.
I am, I cried. I am, I cried.
I am, said I.
I am
lost and I
can't even say why.
Leaving me lonely
still. Hi.
Nice opening, huh?
You're welcome.
What is it, Thursday?
It's Thursday Jesus Christ
I think the steroids are working
It's a good look
It is
It's a nice red wine look
I kind of
I do, I like it
Nice Merlot
It's a nice Merlot
That's what my wife said
But I burned it
Listen
What?
Said who?
Ching-tang-tang-ing-wang-ow Folks, what's going on? merlot. It's a nice merlot. That's what my wife said, but I burned it. Listen. What? Said who?
Folks, what's going on?
Other than a bunch of lying and horse shit. Are you just tired?
I think I'd be a much better person if I stopped watching the news.
But then I'd have to talk about what?
Pop culture?
No, that's news too. What the fuck would I come on here
and talk about? Shit I didn't do yesterday?
I don't know. I don't know where I am, folks.
Just want to get the fuck off the road. I gave it all I had.
See what I'm saying? What do you get for speaking truth to power?
It squashed like a bug. I was canceled in 2001.
Oh, shut up with your whining. Fuck you!
We'll do it live.
Okay.
We'll do it live.
Fuck it.
Do it live.
This is Dallas before the show.
I'll write it and we'll do it live.
Yelling at the Wirecast.
Fucking thing sucks.
Truth.
That's not you.
Fucking thing sucks.
No, it's truth.
It's exactly it.
Ugh.
Let me tell you something.
And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous.
Now you get the hell out of here.
And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no bad leader.
Yeah, I heard that story.
Then Tom flies
all the way back.
Back to fucking New York.
Imagine from L.A., gets there
and Michael wants him
to do something else.
He's like, no, I slept on the plane.
What are you going to say to the guy?
That's when I used to dress up
and you didn't have people getting on the plane
in fucking Nike sandals and a Knicks shirt, if you know what I'm saying.
Ha ha!
Oh, sweet Caroline.
You know who I'm going to be sad when Bob Seger goes?
I was trying to get down the fucking first part of Night Moves,
the rhythm, and you're going to change chords like in three seconds.
Fuck that.
Again, I put on YouTube,
there's a fucking broad like in her teens.
No, no, I shouldn't even say that.
Mid-twenties.
Piece of, I showed you.
Piece of fucking turnip or what.
Yummy, yummy vittles.
Knocking that shit out.
I went home, I saw the neck off my guitar,
and I threw it at my dog.
Fucking blame him.
I got a funny dog, man.
That little fucking thing.
She loves me so much.
I go to leave today.
She hears me open the front door to leave, and she's on the couch.
She lays on her back and opens her leg like, come fuck me.
It's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life she just goes
oh my god you know i was thinking about it but we were late dallas had a fire across the street
from his house and uh on his street the houses you know they're like connected and um one of
them had a fucking he sends this is how small Savannah is. He sends me a text about it, right?
Sends me a picture.
And I get billowing smoke.
It looks like a serious fire.
Not even three seconds after I looked at that picture, I hear the sirens.
Because it's only a few miles.
Everything's only a few miles away.
I don't know where.
They said there's 140,000 people.
I have no idea where they keep them.
I have no idea. I love it, folks. You don't know where they said there's 140,000 people. I have no idea where they keep them. I have no idea. I love it, folks. You don't understand. I hated traffic when I was 18.
You know, people go, oh, you're getting old. No, I have sense. I understand. Even at age
20, life goes by. I don't want to be sitting waiting for fucking nobody. And you just don't
know. You can on a Friday night down here go downtown and park.
Park on the fucking main street.
You know what that means to me?
More than my marriage.
Can you tell I ate two sleeves of saltines before I hit the rack last night?
Why am I glowing on the cheeks?
The fuck am I?
I look like a marionette.
Uh-oh.
Retard alert.
Shut up.
Retard alert.
Maybe it's the sun because it's actually a beautiful balmy 83 degrees outside.
Is it 83?
Wow.
What a perfect day to lay on the couch but on the air conditioner.
I got to walk today.
I'm not going to.
I lifted over the weekend twice.
Fucking, I worked out hard.
I think you can see it.
Uh-oh, this one's alive.
This one's in a fucking, this one's like Tom Sizemark.
It's on a machine.
Guess he's on his way out. Guy was not a
fucking nice person, that's all I'm going to say.
I don't want him to die. I liked him
as an actor, but every, when I lived out
in LA, I'd pick up the paper, he'd fucking
get arrested for beating up
his girlfriends and fucking loved
his drugs. Who knows
what his upbringing was, but I loved him
in Saving Private Ryan and a few other things.
So he go bye-bye. I think they're going to pull the plug on him. They're all
going, folks. And I'm on deck. That's what it feels like. I'm on deck. What's scary is
I get nieces who are having babies. And they're starting to fucking grow up. I don't need
that type of shit. I'm not going to die in prison like Cribs.
He got 40 years just for saying hi
to somebody who's selling that smack.
Hear me?
Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
All right, I killed enough time.
Let's get on with it, shall we?
I'm tired of this story.
I'm tired of, I wish this guy would go away.
I'm tired of hearing about it. There's of, I wish this guy would go away. I'm tired
of hearing about it. There's people, and you know why I blame it on? A lot of it, you people jerk
off still wearing masks out there. Saw a lady in her car by herself yesterday with a motherfucking
mask. Probably in her 40s. I don't give a fuck. Even if she had cancer, no need to have the mask
on in the car by yourself. You're virtue signaling.
So I cut her off.
She goes off the highway on fire.
Oh, my God, why it bothers me, I don't know,
but I want to kill someone.
It's almost like, yes, you're saying I like to be slapped around and told what to do.
Oh, I hate you.
You don't belong in this country.
God damn it, Trump or DeSantis.
I can't come fast enough.
That fucking Biden motherless fuck.
Oh, I want to poke his dirty eyes out.
His false teeth and his fucking white supremacy horse shit.
Oh, my God.
Anyways, who am I talking about?
Fauci full of shit.
That's what the headline says.
A defiant Dr. Anthony Fauci.
Is there any other kind?
There he is. Let me tell you something about Mr. Fauci. You can say what you want. And I think this is a characteristic of the devil,
is it not? They don't age. That guy is in his 80s and he's got less fucking wrinkles than I do.
That's kind of scary, isn't it? Still got his hair. That's the grease ball in him.
It's hard to kill those old guineas, especially when they're killing you with a virus
and making millions off of it. We already know the truth, Mr. Fauci. Let it go. Let it go,
okay? You got caught. So did the goddamn media on your side that acted as a mouthpiece in your
whole stupid Democrat party. You're all full of shit. You're wrong.
You owe everybody a thousand apologies.
That's the fucking thing that bugs me.
They're so arrogant about it.
Like nothing ever happened.
You fucked up people's lives permanently.
A defiant Anthony Fauci poo-pooed the United States Energy Department's conclusion.
First of all, why do I give a fuck what the Department of Energy has to say about COVID? That was the first thing that came to my mind. Who
cares? I don't even trust the people who are supposed to know. Never mind, you jerk-offs
who are telling me I got to use different light bulbs. I don't know what they do.
Anyways, the Department of Energy's conclusion that COVID-19 likely
leaked from a Chinese lab.
No kidding.
No fucking kidding, huh?
Unbelievable.
See, they wanted enough time to go by that that would forget about it.
But no, we kept it alive.
And I'm not talking about you people with a mask.
I'm talking about the people who were right about it.
The doctors who got shut down a week into COVID.
Experts, virologists,
who knew where the fuck,
where it came from.
And this prick's out there.
And Trump's got to take
some responsibility for that too.
In my opinion.
Didn't this guy fucking,
did he pick this chooch?
Anyways, urging people
to keep an open mind
and saying,
this is what Fauci says,
we may never know
the origin of the disease.
How fucking dare you?
You're lying.
And you're a piece of shit.
Oh, take it easy.
Fauci, 82, going on 31, the former White House chief medical advisor,
noted that intelligence agencies aren't aligned on the lab leak theory. Gee, I wonder if
that was, you think that was orchestrated? Are you all going to come up? I think they got in a
huddle and went, look, you guys say you're not sure. We'll say we're sure. This agency say you're not
sure. That way, as long as one of us says we're not sure, that's all it takes.
Do you really think we're that fucking stupid?
John Stewart, I was looking online today before we came on,
and he was talking about on his podcast
the rash of shit he caught
when he went on Colbert a couple years ago,
saying it came from the Wuhan lab, remember?
He did a great bit on it, you know?
And he's like, yeah, ooh, there's a lake,
there's a virus lake near the Chinese Wuhan lab.
Yes, it's the Wuhan virus.
He goes, there's a lake of chocolatey goodness
near Hershey, Pennsylvania.
What do we call it?
So anyways, he got, and he was surprised at the anger.
Now you see, John, when you're facing your people, meaning the left, you're always angry.
Except for him.
He's a pretty mild man.
John's actually, I've seen him on Tough Crate.
You know, I like the guy.
I fucking, I think he's really smart.
I hate his politics.
But he's not going to call me a jerk
and not fucking hang out with me.
Not that we hang out.
We were lovers for about a year in 98.
But I'm just saying.
Anyways, the intelligence agencies
aren't aligned on the lab leak theory
and have not arrived at a definitive answer
to what caused the COVID-19 pandemic.
We must all, this is Fauci talking.
We must all keep an open mind.
Why should we listen to you fucking...
Who gives a fuck what you think?
You told us masks don't work when it first happened.
Then you said they do work.
Then you're at a ballgame wearing one.
Then you change your mind. You're full of shit.
To keep an open mind about all
possibilities. Do you see how you do that?
Then you can't get blamed either way. About the origins of the coronavirus. I think it came from your fucking wife's panties.
You got a wife? Does she? Fauci told the Boston Globe on Monday, adding,
we may never know the source of the outbreak. That's taking the safe way out, is it not?
The retired director of National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases continued,
I don't see any data for a lab leak.
A lot of other people, though.
Chinese scientists.
Remember the woman Tucker Carlson had her on right after?
She was on the show like three times.
She had the report. she had a report she was a scientist
and
I remember Tucker asking her do you think
they did it intentionally oh definitely
government did it intentionally
why would she fucking lie
I don't know where she is now
that's not the one that disappeared there was another
one that actually disappeared in China I don't think it she is now. That's not the one that disappeared. There was another one that actually disappeared in China.
I don't think it was this one.
But she said, you know, she was a scientist and said there's nothing in the breakdown
that shows that it, you know, jumped from animal to human.
There's no sequence, DNA, whatever the fuck it is.
There's no sequence to it.
So did a bunch of other people who are really smart.
You know, and the ones that came out and said they would label this conspiracy nuts and shit.
You guys haven't been right about anything on the list, honest to God.
I don't know if you do it intentionally or you're that fucking retarded.
I hate you.
May all of you get cancer of your lids.
Lids?
Yeah, your eyelids, I don't know. Anyways, I don't see any data for a
lab leak. That doesn't mean it couldn't have happened. Oh my God, is he cute. Oh, take it easy.
Boy, he knows how to dance. He pointed out that evolutionary virologists have published
two peer-reviewed articles
presenting biological evidence that rather strongly suggest it was a natural occurrence.
Well, tell us then.
Tell us what.
Is it you go with the pangolin?
The bat?
Fucking.
Rob Reiner?
Tell me where it jumped from animal to.
The experts used DNA evidence to demonstrate that the virus likely jumped from animals to people at a live animal market in the Chinese market, according to Fauci.
And again, I say, fuck you, mother!
That thing was snuffed out, that theory, instantly.
That thing was snuffed out, that theory, instantly.
We all owe the pangolins and the bats an apology.
I mean, the virologists can tell by the breakdown, the molecular breakdown.
You were doing gain-of-function shit that you were funding, and you know what?
It snuck out of your fucking cage and got loose, or you let it out on purpose, since I found out more about you, and you're one of those, hey, the planet's too
crowded people, and you're going to make billions because you have contracts with Pfizer and
everybody else. So why should we believe you? We shouldn't. I'm sick of talking about you.
You look good. I know you're not going to die for a while, so I'm going to keep busting your bone.
Let's move on to Peter Pan Flies Away. Well, that sounds gay. Well, it is.
It's about Pete Buttigieg. Not that there's anything right with that. Listen, folks.
Peter Pan Flies Away. That's a good headline, Nick. I know. I can't help it.
away. That's a good headline, Nick. I know. I can't help it. The Transportation Department's internal watchdog announced Monday, by the way, Rubio's behind this, that it will soon audit.
Isn't it good to hear this, that somebody on the left's getting their balls busted by the
government? They're going to audit Pete Buttigieg, the Biden cabinet official, in an effort to
determine whether the frequent flyer has used government planes to satisfy private whims and when cheaper
alternatives were available. He could take Spare Day Line, sit in 33G, maybe
get in a fight with a couple of brothers at the fucking terminal. Isn't that how
it works at Spirit? Look at this little, look at this.
If you asked me to, if I was a cartoonist and said,
draw a bureaucrat who has done nothing other than go to school his whole life.
Could that guy change a tire on his bike?
No.
The Department of Transportation, they call it DOT.
The DOT Office of Inspector General, I get pangolin piss in my eyes.
Jesus Christ.
What's a pangolin?
Do you know, Dallin?
Inspector General announced in a letter Monday that it will be conducting an audit to determine
whether the Office of Secretary complied with the federal regulations,
policies, and procedures regarding what? Executive travel on Department of Transportation aircraft.
What, does every agency have a plane? Unfuckable. As of December 2022, Buttigieg had reportedly Reportedly used private jets managed by the FAA at least 18 times.
And young schoolboys were seen boarding.
No, no, I added that.
That's not true.
The FAA at least 18 times since becoming DOT secretary.
Again, Department of Transportation.
A number of the destinations were characterized.
Why are they doing this now?
I got a question, Rubio. Why do
it now? Let's enjoy
how he failed with this
toxic train leak in Ohio.
That's enough to bury him.
Why distract from that? On top of all the
airline messes that he had fucked up.
Yeah. Yeah. All the
cancellations and all that. He's the
worst ever at what he does.
And he'll fail upwards. They were talking about him being a possible presidential candidate.
This is how it works in this world, in this country. I mean, just he wasn't even a good
mayor at South Bend. Only holes he was filling was his husband's.
only holes he was filling was his husband's.
They always bring up the pothole thing.
Anyways, we're characterized,
anyway, a number of destinations were characterized in Fox News' initial report as swing states.
So what they're saying was it had a political bias to it.
You know what I mean?
He was flying to these these swing states are important.
Smells, something
smells. What the hell's going on
out here? I don't know.
In one instance, he used a private jet
to fly to the Boy Scouts house.
No. There he is waiting for a load
to land in his mouth.
Like a baby bird waiting for the mother
to drop a worm.
You can use that part of the joke.
Don't put the first part.
Unless we can.
I don't know it anymore.
Fucking two new people signed up.
In one instance, he used a private jet to fly to Canada where he stuck his dick into a maple tree.
He said to, no.
Where extra to attending and an internet, what?
Fucking who wrote this?
Anyways, he was going to attend an international civil aviation organization conference
to make sure there weren't too many white people in the towers
and in the cockpits across our country, I'm sure.
He also attended, guess, surprise, surprise, LGBT activist event
to accept an award for his contributions to the advancement of LGBTQ.
How did he do that?
How did he?
Because he got elected in a small town?
I don't like this.
This type of talk makes me uncomfortable.
He's a fake.
You don't have to say that.
There's no need of that type of talk. The FAA aircraft were less expensive than the commercial alternatives.
Well, we'll just look at the receipts and compare them.
I take your word for it, you dinkweed.
And that total was $41,905.
That's a lot of cashish reported to the Washington Post, so it must be true.
Past government officials have resigned for precisely what Buttigieg is rumored to have done.
But we all know there's a double standard in this country, and nobody's going to tell him.
You can't fire a guy who just got an award from the LGBTQ community. You can't do that.
This guy is a pillar in the community, and he loves Eagle Scouts.
For instance, Tom Price, remember him? He hosted To Tell the Truth? No, I don't know. Tom Price,
who saved, who saved, boy, it's a long day, who served as Secretary of Health and Human Services in the Trump administration,
stepped down after his excessive use cost more than $1 million and wasted hundreds of thousands of taxpayers' dollars.
I remember that. I think it was towards the end there.
Rubio concluded his letter by stating American taxpayers, Rubio is decent.
stating American taxpayers,
Rubio is decent.
When I see him, he sounds intelligent.
He's a real intense guy. He's not very happy. And a real serious
guy. And
what did Trump, was
making fun of his little hands?
Little hands and low energy Rubio.
No, low energy was Jeb Bush.
Yeah, because I was laying on the
couch going, hey, he's talking about me.
Yeah, but Rubio had the little hand.
Anyways, Rubio conducted his letter by stating,
American taxpayers deserve assurances that their tax dollars are not wasted by the government's highest officials.
You can't argue with that.
Yes, sir.
Goddamn right.
You are correct, sir.
It's good, though, isn't it, to hear somebody prying into their life once in a while?
Finally, you got control of the house.
I get that.
But he's failed at everything.
Really.
They have no.
Let me ask you this, Dallas.
So if it's not Biden, who's going to be the nominee?
Regardless of all the shit going on, I still think it's going to be a Newsom.
Yeah, that's, I mean, he's in there.
And we were talking about this earlier.
I almost pray he's the nominee so I can debate him.
I know Donald Trump Jr.
I'll just say it this way.
I know Donald Trump Jr. I'm going to go, let your father sit this one out. I know Donald Trump Jr. I'll just say at this, well, I know Donald
Trump Jr. I'm going to go, let your father sit this one out. I want to take on. And I just hold
up statistics from the state of California under his, first of all, they tried to recall him,
didn't they? Number one, people don't even like it. You probably fixed that thing, right? Number
two, your schools have been puked.
When I lived in L.A. in the 90s, they were talking about how bad it was.
Half of Mexico and whatever else lives in your state.
They're ranked 40th out of 50.
40 out of 50.
Everybody's on the dole just the way he wants it because he's a communist shapeshifting fuck.
Violence through the roof in Los Angeles with your woke dog shit.
You were caught wearing a mask at the French Laundry during COVID, telling everybody to wear a mask. You had no mask on at the restaurant,
sitting there with your buddies, drinking it up at the most expensive. You're just a hypocrite.
It would be so easy to take this guy apart. Then flew to Montana, which he had on the blacklist.
What about Montana? He flew to Montana, which he had put on the blacklist because of COVID policies.
He flew to Montana, which he had put on the blacklist because of COVID policies.
He flew to Montana?
For what?
Family.
I didn't even remember that one.
He flew to Montana because of family.
You don't even have a family.
You're fucking raising a Petri dish, you cocksucker.
He spent $700,000 on hair gel in the last six years.
And look at San Francisco's in cities in your fucking under your watch,
Governor. How is that
going to... That's how you know,
folks. I'll say it again.
The last election was enough for me
to prove that it's already
decided or whatever. But the fact that
this dickhead could even get in the race
is...
I mean, it's becoming too obvious. Although we have,
we have what, 5 million illegals from all over the world here since Biden took, so, you know,
they might step up to the plate for you. They're trying to let them vote too already.
Oh my God. Help us. Help us, please. Jesus, if you're going to come back, this would be a great
time. Don't you think? What are you doing? Watching
porn? What are you doing? Anyways let's move on. Speaking of
porn Mahomes wife she's a piece of yum yum. Mahomes
wife calls out Rogan's guests. This was kind of I don't know why I picked
it. I liked it because I like Joe Rogan. Brittany Mahomes
and I like Mahomes.
They so want him.
They so want him to be the next Brady.
They can't wait.
That's her, of course.
Have you ever seen an ugly NFL wife?
I mean, before, I'm saying, you know, before they beat him.
Brittany Mahomes, the wife of Kansas City Chiefs star quarterback Pat Mahomes,
has gone to social media yet again. Brittany Mahomes, the wife of Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Pat Mahomes,
has gone to social media yet again, this time to call out Joe Rogan.
You guys know I'm not big on whatever.
You know, that stuff.
Pop culture.
Whatever. In his recent episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast,
the UFC commentator was discussing the Mahomes family
with comedians and fellow podcasters, Shane Gillis.
Shane Gillis, again, I'm not getting that either.
He's the guy that got canned.
Remember SNL?
Like he just got hired as a writer
and they found something in a podcast
he did seven years prior.
Remember? And they canned them, which is
bullshit. But I don't
know. I can't make, why am I saying anything?
Obviously, funny
enough, I just don't, I've
never heard him crack me up.
But who am I? Mrs. Mahomes?
So
Shane Gillis,
Mark Norman, who's really funny, and so
is Ari Shaffir.
They're all on Rogan.
I know these guys.
And they started roasting Brittany and Jackson Mahomes, Patrick's younger brother specifically.
And I don't know why this is such a big, I don't understand why this is even controversial what was said and shit.
I just wanted to show you this because somebody tell me, explain to me what's going on.
They're busting
balls about the Mahomes family. Go ahead.
It's just wild. She's up in the box.
She films herself.
Her and his brother, his brother does
TikToks. And Patrick's
obviously, he's the man. And then he's got a crazy
wife and a brother up in the box.
And his wife's up there like,
you thought you were gonna be it's the
best forcing ever my video I didn't see this a lot whoa Jesus
problem is they keep that same energy when you get divorced.
They come after you with that same energy.
That's Roman.
These kids are going crazy.
Football fans?
Who gets more fired up than football fans?
I'd say Proud Boys.
Especially when the FBI people are in my home.
Riling things up.
Right.
I just came out today.
That was Mark Normandy and the Proud Boys,
who come to my show, and I'm proud of it.
They've showed up at live shows,
and so have the Oath Keepers,
and so have Satan's Little Helpers.
I don't give a shit.
Wear it like a badge of fucking honor.
Remember I made,
remember Harvard did a list,
you weren't here yet,
they did a list of comedians who were considered alt-right.
It was the Harvard Studies.
I was right in there.
So I made it into Harvard.
That's how I got in there.
Brittany Mahomes seemed to take exception to the entire segment.
I guess she saw this and appeared to Brittany.
Brittany, you're dating like the best quarterback in the NFL.
He's got two rings already.
You're filthy rich.
You're not better.
Are you that thin skinned?
Are you shitting me?
She took exception to the entire segment and appeared to tweet this in response to Rogan and his guests.
Her tweet.
How can you be that thin skinned?
Oh, boy, you.
Something about grown men talking about someone's wife is real weird.
Not really.
It's not like they were going,
I heard she has a great lemon square recipe.
They're talking about it because
you're a piece of ass.
Little never said anything offensive at all.
That's what I'm saying. Am I missing something?
Actually,
a grown man hating on
women in general is pathetic.
Oh, God.
She sounds like a real scientist.
Okay, Mrs. Fauci.
She added with a woozy-faced emoji at the end.
Come on, Tiffany.
You got the world by the balls.
Don't be like that.
Truce, honey.
Come on, truce.
Both tweets came out three days after Ogun's podcast went live and clips of the Mahomes comments made their rounds. Brittany Mahomes has not been shy
with her comments against haters. After the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, she followed her husband
and tight end Travis Kelsey in asking those that doubted Kansas City to give them an apology.
Kelsey and asking those that doubted Kansas City to give them an apology.
Come on. And Travis Kelsey did that to grow up. Guys like one of my favorite football plays,
but I don't want to hear that shit. You want an apology? We're in America. I don't care if you're kidding or not. We have a right to fucking say shitty things, to pull against your team,
to say you're not going to fucking win,
and hopefully you're an adult enough to go,
yeah, you can say whatever you want.
But we won.
But you don't ask for an apology.
Somebody help me find a recipe for rat poison
and Preston.
Put up my eggs tomorrow.
I've had enough.
Anyways, is that it?
We got another one?
Okay, it's the last one and I love my people. Why not?
Peanut butter prank. Oh good, this is
a light, easy one.
A viral prankster has gained millions of
views on TikTok. Of course.
While I sit here trying to tell serious jokes.
Should just wrap my dick in tinfoil and stand on the roof in a lightning storm.
Fucking cocksuckers.
Views on TikTok after posting a video of his parents' kitchen thoroughly covered, get this, in peanut butter.
TikToker Corbin Millett, whose profile consists of multiple videos of him pranking his parents, has gained over...
Listen to this, folks.
And this is the Chinese.
By the way, when we did that story about Coke making your balls big...
Oh.
I thought we already did it.
I'm punchy.
Has gained over 38 million views on his most recent prank.
You've got to be kidding me.
I'm going to find out what the hell happens here.
Me too.
God, he looks like a fucking scary kid.
The video's caption,
covering my parents' kitchen in peanut butter,
shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen right there,
only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen
aside from the tile walls,
coated in a thick layer of light brown
including the light fixtures and all the appliance that's peanut butter folks
i bet you the kids over in africa who are starving you know they're gonna kick out of that
what the fuck i don't even know if it's true it probably is but can i just say something to you
people that at 28 million,
that at whatever, 38 million, did it ever dawn on you there's something called Photoshop and deep
fake? Seriously. I'm sitting at that bar that I like, my local shithole, nobody's there but me,
watching, what is it, Chive TV? It's just clips of doing shit, right? They show a guy hit a basketball while on like a
skateboard with a baseball bat. I would say 75 yards and it swishes into a basket. Never happened.
Never fucking happened. And I say that out loud. And of course I get nitwits at the bar looking at
me with tempt. Well, they probably tried it a thousand times. I go, you could try that a million times.
You could try that for a year.
It wouldn't happen.
And they're fucking, they're soaking it in.
They believe in it already.
So why aren't they going to believe when they have Trump saying, ah, fucking, let's blow up Germany, whatever the fuck.
Just because it's on TV or whatever.
Just because it's on TV or whatever.
They show like a girl kicking a soccer ball.
She's laying down, you know, at the half court and boots it, you know.
Shit, like get the fuck.
Another guy's blindfolded.
He's flicking cards.
And like he's got like three beer bottles set up and it sticks in each one in between.
Suck my dick.
Please.
Anyways, it took.
So I'm not. maybe this kid did this.
I mean, first of all, what a waste of, huh?
God, I'd like to slide on that naked.
It took Millette seven hours and 28 pounds of peanut butter.
Okay, whatever.
To pull off the prank, it took him three to four hours to clean up the mess.
That's it?
By himself, since he covered all
the crevices in the kitchen, including
his mother's ass crack with spreadable substance.
You're
fucking crazy. Millet, who claims he
pranks his parents almost daily, said his parents
were not at all amused with the peanut
butter shenanigans. In a follow-up video,
Millet is seen talking into the camera
saying his dad was heading downstairs
and this is what his dad said. Cor you sick fuck I think I see the problem
we're gonna get ants you dickhead his father said angrily now I believe it
screamed as he charged up the stairs at his son before the video cut out when
asked how his mom felt about the prank millet told the post uh she was pissed and left when when asked if his parents were good sports about being prank millet said uh he's been kicked
out of his house a couple times but they've changed their tune a little bit after friends
shared how popular the videos have become this is see this is this kid's generation
folks 38 million people saw something he did that's stupid you don't think china's fucking the videos have become. This is, see, this is this kid's generation.
Folks,
38 million people saw something he did.
That's stupid.
You don't think
China's fucking with us?
Aye, aye, aye.
As a matter of fact,
I'm going to do a story
coming up for you people
who are,
you know,
patrons and monthly subscribers.
In a minute or two,
I'm going to do a story
and a study out of China
about how Coca-Cola,
it's been out a couple days, but we hadn't touched it,
makes your testicles bigger.
Anyways.
So I'm picking up a case on the way home
because I do that
testosterone therapy
and it shrinks your balls.
It shrinks your balls. Just like guys who do roids. I bring it up to the doctor. He goes, what do you need those? I'm like,
what? He was so casual. Like, who gives a fuck? And he was about to do it. Makes your
dick look bigger. I said, whatever. David Tell said to make his dick look bigger.
He used to put little army men next to it.
Fucking God kills me.
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All right, that's it, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
except for you people who subscribe.
I'll see you guys in a few minutes.
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You're very welcome.
Have a great weekend, and we'll see you back here on Monday.
Bye-bye.
Hi. Good night, everybody. weekend and we'll see you back here on Monday bye-bye hi good night everybody I don't know. guitar solo Outro Music