The Nick DiPaolo Show - Fire & Brimstone In LA | Nick Di Paolo Show #1675

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

In this episode Nick talks about the Cali Fires, Greenland, Trump’s warning to Hamas and more! Like what you hear?  Watch FULL episodes of The Nick Di Paolo Show on Rumble Premium! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow/exclusive MERCH - https://shop.nickdip.com/ TOUR DATES AND MORE - https://nickdip.com 2/20/2025 - Bricktown Comedy Club – Tulsa, OK 2/21/2025 - Funny Bone Westport, St. Louis, MO 3/13/2025 - Hyena’s, Albuquerque, NM 4/25/2025 - Cohoes Music Hall, Cohoes, NY 5/15-16/2025 - Zanies, Rosemont, IL SOCIALS - https://bio.site/nickdipaolo

Music playing Hello. Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I guess I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he asks, don't you have a vase? That'll be funny till the fucking earth goes away. How are you folks? That was Uncle Junior, by the way. In a nursing home. Gang, creating hatred among the nuts and so fucking good. Great to be here. It's Wednesday, that means tomorrow's our last day. Well why do you look at it like that? I don't know, it's how I've been looking at work my

whole life. So I hope you don't know anybody out in Los Angeles. Goodness gracious, hello. Look, you guys know, I'm no fan. I lived there for five years. I didn't hate it. I didn't hate it. But this again was in the mid to late 90s. It was still kind of show busy and didn't turn into fucking, you know, Paraguay and Venezuela and Mexico.

But it was still, it was like I could take it or leave it, whatever. And as far as the showbiz people, you know, disgusting, phony, I was out there five minutes, I said to my wife, there's a certain dumbness. You know, everybody's like, well, it's great in LA. Everybody says, hi, Hawaii. Yeah, I know.

And they don't really mean it. New Yorkers never do that shit, because they know they don't mean it. I'm just going to walk by. I really didn't need the high at the grocery store. Shut up. Put my shit in a bag. Shut the fuck up.

Anyways, you know, we hate the, come on, the fucking liberal horse shit that's been pouring out of that city. Yes, I went out there to be part of it. I didn't know at the time who ran, I didn't know the politics of Hollywood. So I, like every other comedian, is like, yeah, I'll fucking land a show and whatever. Go on the road and cut to me 38 years later. Hello, everybody. I'm in San Antonio.

What is it? What town are we in? San Antonio? I'm in San Antonio. My point being is even I don't want to see people burned out of their friggin' homes. Well, there's a couple I don't mind. But wow. I really think, and I'm not religious, but it really does these conservative people go, that's God striking down the, you know, it's Sodom and Gomorrah out there, and that's God striking down the pedophiles and all the fucking show business. All right, I'll run with it. I'm not going to fucking argue.

Either that or somebody was lighting farts, Jim Carrey up in his Hollywood home, and it blew out the window. And look what you got. Dude, there's been fires out there, as you know, folks, for years. But this has 100 mile an hour winds accompanying it. And they said the worst isn't over yet. Oh, there's a few other beautiful things. First of all, you can argue this and I think it's been proven a

lot of these fires started because of what? They didn't do fire control like others other places do where you actually burn forests because the shit falls and dries up and you get garbage all over. It's a it's a fucking tender cake and all it takes is a spark from a Latino broad after she blew a homeless guy and flips her cigarette in the woods. Or a white lady if you're politically correct. Never happened. And the place is a tinderbox and there it goes.

So that's one thing. Number two, you know how they have been having problems with fucking water in LA for years and that got political. Once again the left fucking chose the wrong. There's the firefighters out there They were calling in going. There's no water to hook up to in the fire hydrants meanwhile black woman Karen Bass black female mayor Nick that shouldn't mean anything. Well, I'm living in the meritocracy like I have been last 50 Could be a good lady, but she's in Ghana.

She was in Ghana for the last couple days. I don't know what's in Ghana. They're celebrating the Detroit Pistons 50th anniversary. I don't know. They're draft picking. Anyways, people in LA are online going, you're in Ghana? Stay there. You're useless and fucking Newsom's out there he actually said somebody posted a thing him saying yes this is terrible but something on the lines of like I'd hate to think what happened if the incoming president was in charge and he'd probably make this political literally making it political. And he's the fucking governor of that shithole. Can you imagine making it political during an emergency, sort of like North Carolina

when they wouldn't help, FEMA wouldn't help anybody with a Trump sign on their front lawn, remember that scandal that went away in three seconds? How fucking dare you people. Anyways, I don't want to see people die, even the ones that I hate, obviously, but as far as the houses go, fuck it, you got plenty of money. You got plenty of money from putting out that propaganda for the last 50 years that confused this country to the point where a guy doesn't has a dick and still wants to be a woman. Roughly 30,000 Los Angeles residents, including celebrities, have been ordered to evacuate their homes as wildfire engulfs the ritzy Pacific Palisades. That's a beautiful area. I went up there, Jay Moore had a podcast

at his house and I was out in LA for business, I forget why, and Jay said Jason come on my show and he had a big beautiful house and he ended up marrying the the Lakers owner's daughter. I'm telling you anyways he did the podcast and I know that's what I hear Palisades Pacific Palisade whatever I think of him right away I don't know that he lives there anymore what But that place is gone. It looks like that thing is gone. Some people, even celebrities, stepped up to help emergency responders. Clear roads blocked by abandoned vehicles.

They said, what was his name? Steve Thunberg. Kind of a B-list actor. Good guy. But he was helping the cops move. People had, you can't blame them. All of a B-list actor, good guy, but he was helping the cops move cars. People had, you can't blame them. All of a sudden you're being, you get your kids in the car and fires coming out and they

left their cars. But it blocked the fucking roads. What? Now the cops and first responders can't get up the hill. So they had a guy with a bulldozer pushing cars over. Oh my God. Look at just that picture alone. I would bring a girl home drunk and go, that's a fireplace. Don't worry about it. We have an outdoor fire pit. Get out of the... Let's take a look at some of the fucking footage,

which is like another planet, man. God bless him. ...Chief there says at least 30,000 people have been ordered to evacuate so far. A powerful windstorm is what's really fueling the flames and has prompted officials on the ground to declare a state of emergency that's in effect. And the situation is only expected to get worse in the coming hours ahead as the winds are forecast to grow even stronger, which is hard to imagine. Residents fleeing the fires describing these California, any more? Should we just rip through the foot? Oh, another one coming.

I forget that yet. California Governor Gavin Newsom, who's done a bang up job. This is him when he saw the fires. Declared a state of emergency after touching down in the area and meeting with first responders fighting the blaze that has torched more than, it's got to be more than this now. This is last night, 2,900 acres into Tuesday by no stretch of the imagination Newsom said are we out of the woods

Newsom ironically Newsom warned as uh and folks a lot environmentalists wouldn't let them do the controlled burn thing because there's animals they wanted to protect. You know the story. I mean, like I said, they're only wrong about the big things. Newsome won the winds up to 100 miles an hour. Nobody's asking a question how did this start though. And a lot of times it's a fucking homeless guy in a campsite or remember there was a Latino kid who fucking threw us. Some of it's intentional. One year a gender reveal set went off. A what? A gender reveal party.

Oh gender, I thought you said ginger. Hey that's right, the fireworks from the gender reveal party. Hey ten years, Billy, you remember fucking when you were born? What happened? You little shit. If you were a girl, none of this would have happened. Well, maybe it would have. Yeah, that's right. He has to carry that weight.

People die. Knew someone that winds up to 100 miles and I expected to increase overnight across the Tony enclave, including regions that are abnormally dry, including Joy Behar's Snatcharini. Tens of thousands have evacuated the county, including Emmy-winning actor James Woods. I was telling Dallas right before the show, last time was on Crowder or the night of the election, I think, James Woods zoomed in, and I was looking at his house while he was talking, checking out shit behind him. And he's a funny, smart dude.

And they showed a clip last night. He said he took it from his house. He has a deck in the back, and there were flames coming up. He sounded so calm and shit. Anyways, so his neighbor lost his house, and he probably did too. Look at that! You sure you can't salvage anything?

Some residents even fled on foot after ditching their cars in the street and inadvertently creating obstacles for firefighters trying to battle the goddamn- Come on, goddamn it! Come on, let's go, let's go. Trying to think that one through. Doesn't a car move faster than you on foot? Depends. I don't know. You're in your car, and you don't

want to get surrounded, I guess. I don't know. And when they say they're ditching them, all it takes is one or two people to do it and you're going the same way. What are you going to do now? So the first guy, you should ask that question. But I'm guessing if you're in a car and the fire is there and you can feel the heat, I don't know. I don't want to be sitting on something with a gas tank either. But yeah, you better fucking run at least a 4-6-40. You're fucked.

Check out more of the footage. Holy... This guy's in his house with his dog. Hi. Just be okay. You're gonna be okay. Hi. You're gonna be okay. Dog's like, Hey, I'm not a cat

Gonna be okay, he goes that's where I used to shit. Oh my god I I don't and like they said they said the worst is yet to come meaning today because of the winds and falling and then you see the helicopters dropping water has that ever really worked I just picture some homeless guy going, what the fuck? It's on Hollywood Boulevard, the wind blew. Anyways, folks, we wish you the best out there, honestly. Again, people saying that I might have started it. I left a few burning bridges when I left LA in 1999.

I could see him from the plane. And they say there was still some embers. I was so mad. Colin Quinn's greatest line, Nick DePaul's the only guy that burns bridges while he's standing on them. That guy knows me better than anybody. Let's segue to maybe if there was a, and the scary thing is nobody's around the country, that's the other thing

So you get karen bass the mayor is in africa somewhere. She's back now i'm sure by now, but they had no water to put out the fire These are and again It's not a big leap to go some of these are liberal policies whether it be the Control burning that's they don't do out there, you know, whatever She's she should be fired and I'm not just saying that. Celebrities, everybody in LA goes, what a useless piece of shit. Whoa, DEI ring a bell? Nick, you don't know that.

Yeah, I do, I'm going out on a burnt limb. Let's go to Trump. Trump not kidding. What is he talking about? Trump's, President-elect Donald Trump revealed Tuesday he would not rule out using military force to annex Moffat's Vineyard and Nantucket. I'm only joking, but most lefties would say that and they're all laughing at him and shit once again. They've learned absolutely nothing. He's semi-kidding, obviously, leaving many Americans asking, but why?

Are you interested in the real story? No, the left isn't. They just like to laugh at the headlines and go, what a dope. And that's what you did for the last, well, when he was running for president the first time. And, you know, you're just saying. In fact, the ice covered Danish territory, the largest island in the world. I didn't even know that. Got no interest in being there. I always confuse that with Iceland. I don't know why. I don't even know if they're opposite ends of the polar. The next week? Okay, I was semi-close. It's like Minneapolis and

St. Paul. Has long been a hot topic among strategists in Washington and elsewhere. Despite Copenhagen's insistence, it is not for sale due to its location along vital shipping routes and the presence of key raw materials that are rarely found anywhere else. There are two main reasons to annex Greenland. The first is the large deposits of rare earth elements needed for critical defense and electronics manufacturing. This is sort of like China going, this is why we're going to capture Taiwan. This is him sort of saying, we can do the same shit.

A lot of countries want part of this, Greenland. Atlanta Council nonresident fellow Alex Plitzas told the Post. Second reason, Greenland has legitimate large claim to the Arctic and that would provide the United States with a stronger position as competition there heats up for navigation and resources Somebody's gonna take the high seas might as well be us and again you lefties What are you doing? He wants to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf and they're laughing at it and shit There is shadow as you think they are. Just read a little past the headlines if you can lefties. Washington has traditionally been over relying on

ding ding ah for rare earth minerals which are mostly frequently found in the Arctic in addition to Asia and you you know why they're found there because nobody ever lived there in mind the little fucking right Same thing with like Afghanistan and shit nobody oh And used everything from cell phones to weapons of mass destruction Mother of so he's not just being a silly goose Can I say that with that type of strong language? Dallas just left

Very offended at that Let's stay on mr. Trump. He sends a warning to Hamas. Of course, nobody mentioned this yesterday They're all talking about Gulf of America. What's he fucking talking about? President-elect Donald Trump starkly warned Hamas. He wrote a strongly worded letter to him Saying no more clit burnings and stonings. Just a few. He'll be out of office before I get it done. Trump starkly want Hamas to release the remaining hostages before inauguration day or else all hell will break out.

Now normally you go oh he's just talking tough but he hasn't even sat in the Oval Office yet and the fucking world is shifting There's people knocking on my log. I gotta talk to you. What did he say? Before inauguration day or all hell will break out he meant break loose Without elaborating on specific response. I tend to believe him. Yes, sir specific response I tend to believe them yes sir Hamas is currently believed to have a hundred and one hostages including seven Americans at least three of whom are thought to be dead that's enough see if Biden was in an office and any other president would we would already melted him down Israel like

luckily had a reason to and Trump has long threatened repercussions for the terror group if it fails to release them. He ain't playing, yo. Here he is. If those hostages aren't back, I don't want to hurt your negotiation. If they're not back by the time I get into office, all hell will break out in the Middle East. And it will not be good for Hamas.

And it will not be good, franklyas and it will not be good frankly for anyone. All hell will break out. I don't have to say anymore but that's what it is. Did you hear the one reporter? Can you elaborate? And what that means is can you say something that we think is more ridiculous and then we can run with it? Can you say something we can catch you on and then twist it and shit? Oh that doesn't work anymore? Oh okay we're done. I say this calls for action and now... Steve Witkoff, Trump's longtime friend and pick for special envoy to the Middle East, announced during the press conference that some progress has been made to

release the remaining hostages. He said, I believe we've been on the verge of it. I don't want to discuss sort of what's delayed it. Witkoff told reporters about the deliberations of the hostages. I don't want to talk to you. Get away from me. Sounds very New York, very Jewish. I don't want to talk. Oh, that's an Italian. What am I saying? It's Frank Rizzo. What can I tell you? He says, what I can tell you is this. We very much want to bring this over the finish line in the next two weeks.

The time that we have. It's very weird. the parallels between this and Jimmy Carter coming into office. I mean, Reagan coming into office when Jimmy Carter was in office and we had American hostages in fucking Iran. And it's very weird. And Reagan sort of made a statement. And I think that's what Trump might be doing. Remember Reagan made a statement and said they better fuck and they were back before he even sat in the White House because they're like that guy's crazy. Ever see some of his movies? It's fucking horrendous. He made one with a fucking monkey.

And we will work every minute of every day and every time I hear that line I think of that fucking movie, you know, with O.J. the, not the Airplane movies, the other one. It's my favorite line in the whole movie. He's in bed and they're talking to his wife, what are they? He goes, don't worry, we'll be working around the clock to find out who did this. Let's get some lunch. It's one of my favorite comedy lines ever. And we will work every day of those two weeks to try to get that to happen.

Blank and said, oh, okay, Tony I didn't realize you were Nobody believes what you say Do you understand that? boys and girls ladies and gentlemen right here great friend of mine from the Tour dates right is that what I'm doing I get some more new tour dates if If you go to nickdip.com

click on the tour button. As you see February 20th Bricktown Comedy Club Tulsa Oklahoma. The next night February 21st Funny Bone St. Louis and I believe these links are up now. March 13th Hyena's Albuquerque New Mexico. I don't think I've done comedy in New Mexico. Check off one step. I don't think there's any more left other than Alaska, Hawaii, and who cares? I'm gonna go to Alaska to make, if I can make a couple penguins giggle, get out of here. I've said this on the show before, David Tell went up and did comedy in Alaska. And what did he say about something about

There's only like one black guy and people are like, you know, the Klan has a meeting like let's get Eric Didn't do it justice also. Yeah, March 13th. That was hyenas And then April 25th Cahos music hall Cahos, New York Holy goodness Did I say yes to these? And then April 25th, Cahos Music Hall, Cahos, New York. Holy goodness. Did I say yes to these? Fuck. Again, folks, this might be the last year.

I know you think I'm kidding. Tour dates, May 15th and 16th, Zanies. Why did I read tour dates? May 15th and 16th, that's May. A great room, Rosemont, Zany's in Rosemont, Illinois. Hate the name, beautiful club. It's out right near the airport actually and I sell there well before I was on Crowder. I'm guessing Chicago might be, people ask me my favorite city. I kill harder in Chicago than most places. Can't wait to do that room. And

it's so fun. I go in there and I see paintings on the wall of Rodney and Rickles and Richard Pryor and Sebastian Maniscalco. And I go, I try to write, I try to draw myself. With a sharpie. Stick figure, yeah. I remember being there, and this was probably five years ago, and I didn't know Sebastian at the time, what he looked like. I go, who's this? And they go, Sebastian, man. I go, who's that? Local guy.

He goes, yeah, he's a Chicago guy. The guy goes to me, he sold out eight shows in three days. This is before, I mean, you know how much money that is folks? It's tiddlywinks compared to what he's doing now. But I'm just saying, oh boy I went back to the hotel and broke all kinds of shit. Oh Jesus. Who the fuck am I?

Ron Popeel. Hey if you guys want support, the show can get some merch. We have a lot of new stuff. So grab a hat, a hoodie, a mug, my wife's ass. Nick DiPaulo oven mitts. Nick DiPaulo rape kits. I have a new joke, a feminist was arguing.

She goes, you don't even know what a rape kid is, I got one in my truck, there's duct tape in it, plastic ties, ether, a rag, what are you talking about? Nick, that's not shut it. Yeah, grab some new shit. If you're watching the free version of this show, you can watch my full show, my full episodes, Ink, Louder with Crowder, and all exclusive Rumble content ad free with one subscription.

You click on the link below in the description there, and then click the Rumble premium button, and you will be entertained informed and you'll thank me when I see you at the Albuquerque Kakakuku house hi good night everybody I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man So Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,