The Nick DiPaolo Show - Foreign Police? | Nick Di Paolo Show #1338
Episode Date: January 18, 2023California To Approve Foreign Police. 1984 Is Happening. Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen...
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accordingly so you can keep watching me starting Monday, January 23rd. This is very important. I
put my tooth in for you. Thank you, guys. We'll do it live.
Okay. We'll do it live. Okay.
We'll do it live!
Fuck it!
Do it live!
I'll write it and we'll do it live!
Fucking thing sucks!
Yelling at Dallas about the coffee machine.
Sorry.
We'll make it live.
It is fine, but it ain't home.
No, it looks home, but it ain't mine no more.
I am, I cried.
How are you, folks?
Welcome to the Filthy Show on a filthy Wednesday.
I got to go right from, God damn it, I tried it again.
I'd be proud if I was doing a hockey interview or if I was a girl from
Kentucky what by the way there were no ugly girls down there well there's
always a few but they put those in a park lot before the show at my request
what don't be an asshole anyhow anyhow, I got to go.
And I just told Dallas, if I sit down and they go, we got to take an x-ray,
he's going to see me on the local news tonight being fucking let out of the dentist's office in cuffs because I've had enough x-rays on my face.
I keep going, hey, no.
And then my dentist decides to sell his business in the middle of all this,
and they lost the x-ray, so I had to have them done again.
So I've already had a couple doses, not to mention, I think, my regular cleaning.
Are you sure they're not giving you chemo?
That's a good point.
I wonder why I feel so shitty all the time.
Jesus, don't get me more paranoid than I am.
Fucking Dallas.
How about the young black girl, cute, dental hygienist.
I go, she didn't even put the thing on me, the lead apron thing. I go, don't, she goes,
tell me this is the dumbest, she goes, there's about as much, as much, what's the word I'm looking for?
Yeah, x-ray radiation in it as there is a banana.
And I took it literally like, I thought maybe bananas have radiation.
I don't know.
I go, I did. I go, do bananas have?
She was just trying to be funny, I guess.
And again, they say there's no, don't worry about it.
There's not that much radiation. And then again, they dive behind's no, don't worry about it, it's not that much radio.
And then again, they dive behind a 40-foot retaining wall to take the picture.
Go suck a dick.
Anyways, let's get on with it, stupid.
West Coast stupid.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Uh-oh, retard alert.
Retard alert.
West Coast stupid, as we call it. That's the new segment.
Governor Gavin Newsom ratified fellow Democrat State Senator Nancy Skinner's
bill SB 960 on September 29th of 2022, thereby scrapping the requirement that police, get this,
highway patrol, and correction officers have to be U.S. citizens
or permanent residents.
You've got to be sucking my eggs.
You've got to.
It's just so ridiculous.
Look at the devil.
This law went into effect on January 1st,
meaning foreign nationals can now police American citizens.
And this is separate from what I saw on Laura Ingraham last week.
I just caught the last second of her show.
And they were talking about Chinese secret police
exporting their cops to our cities.
Folks, it's on.
So again, sharpen your bayonets.
It's fucking over.
So yeah, foreign nationals can now, I'd like to see you try it it was noted i want to hear my
miranda rights in fucking spanish do you understand no no comprende motherfucker do it again do it
again it was noted uh in march of 2022 in california that among the categories of work
authorized non-citizens again work authorized work-authorized non-citizens,
that would likely be eligible are permanent workers, immigrant visa-based unemployment,
it says asylees and refugees, and individuals are protected under the program of Deferred Action for Childhood Arrival,
otherwise known as DACA.
Again, thank you, Obama, you fucking
Marxist piece of cheese. Were this the case, certain illegal aliens, trigger one, are you
going to lose your shit, criminally trespassing in the United States, in other words, illegal
trespassing in the United States, could become police officers, okay? No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. However, state Senator Skinner's spokesman, Robert Gammon, told Reuters that SB 960,
and he wants you to relax, listen, only allows noncitizens with full federal legal work authorization.
Oh, yeah, they couldn't get around that, to become police officers in California. Per Gammon's suggestion, the law expressly states that
foreign nationals applying for American police jobs in California
must be legally authorized to work in the United States under federal law.
Yeah, what's your point?
The whole thing is...
Fucking people.
Oh, mama.
You have no idea how to defend a nation.
They're like, you know, oh, don't worry about it.
They'll be fed, you know, as long as they're authorized to work here at a federal level,
it's wrong on its face.
Never mind all that shit.
I don't need the details.
Stop at sentence one.
What the fuck are you doing?
This is an obstacle.
What the fuck are you doing?
This is an obstacle Democrats in Washington appear keen to circumvent,
having recently sought to change federal law to enable criminal non-citizens to receive federal legal work authorizations.
You know, like being a cop.
Folks, I don't even know what to say anymore.
In late 2021, Democrats added a provision to President Joe Biden's social safety net
and climate package to open a path to legal work for roughly 7 million illegal aliens
living in the United States.
A transmogrified form, I didn't bother looking it up because I'm never going to hear it again,
of the bill, the so-called Inflation Reduction Act, how'd that work out, of 2022, ultimately
passed the Senate. However, the illegal alien work permit provision had been discarded.
Even without this provision, the Biden administration has nevertheless managed to
dole out temporary work permits, i.e. federal work authorizations, to illegal aliens.
They just have no regard for us whatsoever.
A report of the New York Times.
Problem? You're the fucking problem, you fucking doctor.
They really are.
I'm King Jammer, I got King Spunk, bubba.
fucking doctor. They really are.
While not all criminal non-citizens may presently
be able to exploit California's
Democrats' new foreign police law,
the Western Journal noted
two other glaring issues.
And these are legit points. First, it'll take jobs
away from American citizens
and give them to non-citizens.
Well, again, don't get excited
because, let's remember, we're under
a cultural revolution.
It's a globalization.
You know?
That's all it is.
You'll be getting arrested by Sanoa drug cartel members over here on a work meeting.
This will only leave more working class Americans without jobs and opportunities.
Second, many non-citizens have not grown up here and therefore do not completely
understand the Constitution.
They don't.
I don't know an American that does.
Other than when they get pulled over
by a white cop and they're black.
I know my rights.
Section 3 and...
Yeah, the rights that those evil white guys
that you hate so much created?
Nah.
How the judicial system works or how the American government works?
Well, neither does anybody here.
You know what?
That doesn't even bother me.
All I can say is, I'll go home and get your fucking shine box.
That's what I'll say to a guy with a sombrero arresting me.
Get in the cop car.
Guys, we are, it's beyond. I've been using this phrase for at least 20 years and so did
my late great buddy zook it's over it's over it's over it wasn't it it was it was over back then so
we're past it we have one foot in socialism slash marxism whatever you want to call it and if you
don't believe it watch this next story if this doesn't send the chill up your ass,
it's... I'm sure most of you read 1984.
How about me last night?
I'm talking about the story of my wife.
And I go, it's like the book 1983.
She goes, you want to say that again?
I didn't even know.
I didn't even catch it.
I go, what do you mean, say it again?
Did I just say 83?
Why would I say 83 why would I
say 83 that's a beer I had a good year up you mean football that's about all I
remember man the book 1983 she's yeah how about the movie 1982 wasn't there a
movie with Belushi called 1980 something there was he was like a fighter pilot
it's really stupid anyhow check this out if you don't believe in globalization movie with Belushi called 1980 something? There was. He was like a fighter pilot. It was really
stupid. Anyhow, check this out if you don't believe in globalization. And I hope you've seen
or read 1984. Do you guys know who Klaus Schwab is? That's his name, right? I didn't just make
that up. And no, it's not one of the Schwab brothers who keeps your IRA and your 401K.
Santa Claus.
As you know, or you may not know, they're meeting in Davos this week,
the World Economic Forum, WEF I believe it's called.
They're the ones who are in charge of what they call the Great Reset.
They're the reason China owns half the farmland in this country
and the supply chains are
getting clogged up.
I know you think it's Biden, but he's just doing what they're telling him to do.
You guys understand how that, right?
And Soros and all the other cocksuckers.
Time to break out them guns.
So anyways, this is a clip of this weekend, I think, of Davos.
Klaus Schwab, who's the head of the World Economic Forum, I believe, looks like the
fucking head coach.
With the creepiest, you couldn't make a, this is creepier than the movie.
This is creepier than the movie 1973.
What?
Yeah, a villain.
You couldn't make a better villain.
He's got that Austrian, I think he's Austrian.
I don't know what the difference between that and German is.
I still don't know.
Really nothing.
But wait till you hear the voice.
If you're going to make a, like Dallas says,
if you're going to make out a villain in a fucking movie,
you couldn't.
And they're watching it in the movie or the book, whatever,
the movie 1984.
The guy who's the head of the, you know,
the tyrannical guy that runs the fucking globe at that point,
is always up on a big screen talking to people.
There's an AT&T commercial with that cute girl,
the fucking Melons,
where they have her up on a big screen
and it shows people looking up like a Times Square.
Again, that's part of it, right, Della?
V for Vendetta also represents kind of a 1984 concept.
What's it called?
V for Vendetta. V for? V for Vendetta. Oh, V for Vendetta also represents kind of a 1984 concept where... What's it called? V for Vendetta.
V for?
V for Vendetta.
Oh, V for...
You got to slow down.
I heard V for Vendetta.
V for.
I thought it was a girl's name.
You know, V for Vendetta, you went to high school that brand.
Italian brother must have.
V for Vendetta.
Yeah.
V for Vendetta.
Yeah.
That's what?
Yeah. It's what.
Yeah, it's a film based on a graphic novel,
but it kind of covers a lot of the same dystopic ideas.
But there's a president represented in that also is only ever on screen doing the same thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, anyways, this is the real thing.
This is no movie.
This is the real thing.
If this doesn't send you dead inside, let's check out.
This is Klaus Schwab.
History is truly at a turning point.
We do not yet know the full extent and the systemic and structural changes which will happen.
See, he just told you to shut the fuck up.
That's me when I was younger.
Shut the fuck up.
That's me when I was younger.
That's Klaus Schwab.
And my question is, why is he still walking around?
I'm not implying anything, but most of the planet's against his shit.
Again, it's the elites dominating us.
So I don't know why he just, well, said he appears nowhere in person right don't you move you motherfucker i'll blow your brain
come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they'll never take our freedom I didn't say anything.
I was just playing some buttons.
Just dancing around the laws.
That piece of shit.
How creepy is that?
If he was a villain, you're like,
yeah, you know, you're too over the top with that accent.
Since when did the word structural have 11 fucking syllables in it?
He sounded
like he was leading into Auschwitz.
My aching
stem.
Anyways,
that's kind of fucking creepy,
isn't it? Isn't that creepy, folks?
I hope you...
Anyways, guys and gals, everything in
between, because I love everything on the earth, as you know that,
except for really short Swedish guys.
I'll be back on the road early next month,
because Tommy's kid needs braces.
Here's where you can see me.
February 3rd and 4th.
I thought it was the middle of February.
The Grove Comedy Club in Lowell, Arkansas. I'm a little scared
about that one. I always say
that and then it's great and the people are just like me.
Hateful.
Lowell, Arkansas. March 11th and 12th
the Comedy Club of Kansas City.
That's in Kansas City, Missouri.
By the way, they have the best
ribs at a place called Gates
in Kansas City, Missouri.
I told you I used to go there every time I played clubs in Kansas City. You walk in
and there's like a whole bunch of young black kids behind the counter, and they do this all at once.
In unison. Ha, may we help you?
I felt like a, it just makes me feel like, you know,
a king slave owner. No, honest to God,
they couldn't be nicer than the fucking ribs.
I wanted to sit on them bare ass.
They were so delicious. April 21
and 22, the Funny Bone in St. Louis,
Missouri and St. Charles, Missouri.
May 12, the Hilton
Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort
Daytona Beach, Florida. Oh my
God, I'll be getting fucking heckled
and sand thrown in my face.
You can get tickets to these shows at nickdip.com.
Click on the tour button.
Let's end it with something light and easy.
I don't know.
Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen.
I put up a clip last weekend of me braising short ribs,
or two weeks ago.
It gets more fucking likes,
you know,
than me fucking naked cutting the lawn.
That's not right.
Or maybe it is.
Speaking of braised ribs,
folks.
Yeah, so,
you know,
and then the next day
there's like a fucking
50 emails going,
you got to do a cooking segment.
Everybody nods.
My wife, Dallas, Tommy,
fucking the French chef,
that dumb cunt.
Okay, but it's going to
be a little more to it. It's going to be a table of people
sitting around me, busting their balls.
Nothing funny about me adding egg to flour.
We'll have to do a segment once you open your place
of me in the kitchen as the sous chef, chopping
vegetables and giving you the figure every time you turn your back.
Nick's Pitching Kitchen.
Put up the picture of, I'll show you some one at a time, right?
I'll explain what happened here.
My dog was sick.
I gave her chocolate.
You know what that is?
That's butternut squash.
Okay?
You fuck, I can't believe I'm doing this.
This turned into a gay show.
I'll add some fucking racial slurs.
You know who loves this?
The Japs.
No.
Delicious.
Delicious.
Thank you.
Butternut squash, right?
Cut it in, you know,
you cut it the cross way,
you know, like quarter inch rounds, right?
Lay it out on a sheet pan, just oil, salt and pepper, and you roast it, like in a glass
dish like that, right? You take it out, when it's still warm, you just make basically a
salad dressing, olive oil, vinegar, red onion sliced, paper
thin like that.
That's either mint or parsley.
I can't remember.
It's a Mario Batali recipe, by the way.
It's something squash agrodolce, which means sweet and sour.
So you dump the friggin' Italian dressing on that while it's still warm, and it soaks
into the squash.
And my brother-in-law, who doesn't eat vegetables,
and I remember my sister and him came to my house.
He ate like, he thought it was the best.
I go, what?
Then I caught him behind the house going,
that is so freaking good, and it'll clean you out.
You'll pass stuff you ate in third grade.
I shit you not.
I really enjoyed it. clean you out. You'll pass stuff you ate in third grade. I shit you not. I really enjoyed it.
Bon appetit.
What's next?
Oh, how about that?
That doesn't look good.
That's my fake tooth that fell on the chicken pot pie.
No, that is lobster pot pie.
Right up your alley, right, Dallas?
Look at that flaky.
That's flakier than my balls after I get a sunburn. Who right, Dallas? Look at that flaky. That's flakier than my balls after
I get a sunburn. Who's with me? Look at that. Delicious. Thank you. That's my own crust,
by the way. Or you can get whatever. What do you call the, you probably know, real flaky,
you can buy it, whatever. That's just as good too but i like
to get fancy sometimes actually no that's actually a phyllo dough actually but yeah it's chicken
pot pie instead of chicken oh that what am i saying that yeah that's lobster yeah that didn't
make me hard as a whale's tooth did it i mean how do you not that's why i take off my shirt when I'm in the Gap fitting room.
Seriously, guys, come to the show.
He's buying shit from Gap.
Fuck you.
I meant Old Navy.
I don't get molested at Old Navy.
I mean, at the Gap.
Well, I go to the kids' Gap.
What's with the lighting in those fitting rooms? You ever look at yourself? I've said
this before. You could be Schwarzenegger
when he was 25.
If you looked in the mirror at one of those plates, you
fucking look like Lucille Ball.
Fucking gross. That is
so fucking good. What's next?
Hope you people aren't bored with this.
Here's the best thing I ever cooked.
I don't like the picture. I zoomed in too much.
That's tinfoil that's sitting on.
Florence, Florence or Rome?
No, we were in Florence, me and the wife.
Makes it sound like we're famous.
I was over there for an ass operation.
I had tux.
No, we went over to Italy.
We had lunch outside at some place in Florence.
And I ordered this, god god damn it why didn't write
the name down popo something to popo uh popo is octopus um it comes in like a tinfoil envelope
so you take you buy your octopus right like a two pound octopus you friggin simmer it for about an
hour you know in in a low simmer and then leave it friggin' simmer it for about an hour,
you know, at a low simmer.
And then leave it in there for another half hour,
just sitting in the hot water when you shut the heat off.
Makes it tender, really tender.
You cut it up into bite-sized pieces.
Red pepper,
Kamala olives,
potatoes,
red onions, you know, then lemon and parsley, and you make an envelope out of tin foil. So you, you know, if you make it up at two, you got
two big packets, and you put them on a cookie sheet for like 35 minutes or
whatever, 375, and it steams it. Dude, that's the one that would blow your fiancé out of the water.
Andy makes me, she used to make me make it like twice a month.
Now we're down to twice every eight years.
We don't get along.
Listen, no, we do.
That's a, dude, it is, what else?
What else is in there?
Lemon, parsley, oregano, I forget.
But it is so, and the guy told me how to do it, the waiter.
You know, in Italy,
that's like asking,
can I see your wife's tits?
I thought I was going to get bitch slapped.
This motherfucker goes,
he explained it.
For Christ's sake,
he had about as much of an Italian accent
as somebody working at Applebee's
here in Garden City.
And he told me how to do it
and the key to leaving it in there
for like an extra half hour
in the hot water
to make it really soft.
It's so friggin good the Pope I'm gonna serve that to him I coming to Savannah what else we got so yeah that was what's the
name of that octopus is fuck it, fuck it.
That's... You're like, what's that?
Well, it's a cut I had.
I dumped it into a...
This is roasted tomato soup.
You get actual plump tomatoes
in the summertime when they're ripe.
Again, I put them in a bowl.
I hit them with olive oil, salt,
and all kinds of shit.
And then you lay them on a cookie sheet
and roast them for, I don't know,
20 minutes at about 400 degrees. And they get all roasted-y, whatever
the fuck it is, and then you put them in a food processor.
Dallas knows. Dallas is a man of the world. He knows it's, but it's actual tomatoes. That's
not even out of a can. That's actual, look how fucking delicious that is. That's all
it is. I throw garlic in the food processor with it.
But you roast the tomatoes,
and there's probably something else in there.
Maybe a little chicken stock to give it some volume.
Boy, I fucking feel gay talking about this shit.
What are you, writing it down?
Yeah, actually.
All right, good.
Oh my God, I laughed and I just saw my... Did I lose another one? What the fuck? I can't wait to get there. Oh, my God. Ate like a pig last night. This has to stop.
It's my dog. I cut her in half last night.
And this is what we... First we took her fur off.
She ingested stuffing on Thanksgiving.
That is... You guys know what brajol is.
I should have brought the brajol one up first.
A brajol is when you pound out a piece of...
Huh?
Piece of ass.
Yeah, and you do it so good, she goes,
make me a brajol.
You bang on a... Whatever. a skirt, a skirt steak, whatever,
kind of a tough, but you fight with a hammer.
And then you put whatever you want in it.
The traditional Italians, or wherever this came from,
they have like, they have like currants in it, and pine nuts,
but you can put whatever, hard-boiled egg.
This is what a lot of Italians do, Hard-boiled egg, this is what a lot of the times you do,
hard-boiled egg, like salami.
Then you make a little bit of a bread stuffing,
like you would for a turkey.
You put that in there, and then provolone cheese,
and whatever the fuck you want.
Then you roll it up in a piece of meat, and you tie it.
You brown it off, and then put it in the oven.
This, I'm very proud of this, because this is polo de bourgeois.
In other words, it's not pork or beef.
It's a chicken.
But you have to debone the chicken.
When I say debone, I don't mean cut it up into eight pieces.
I mean take the bones out of it and keep the chicken whole, which I had to look up on a video.
And, of course, on the way to that video, I stopped at Pornhub for like an hour and a half. So god it was a there was a glaze on this thing that nobody could
explain. Anyway what the fuck. But seriously I deboned a chicken in the front. You know
what it was the first time I ever did it and since then I don't do it as good as I did
the very first time. I don't know why. But you can go online. You go debone a chicken.
I remember going online and saying how to debone a chicken.
A chef is on there.
I go, this guy looks like he knows what he's doing.
He cuts it up.
It's not deboning a chicken, you shithead.
Go back to Arby's.
So you take the bones out, keeping the chicken whole and the skin.
And you lay it out.
And you put whatever you want in it.
Roll it up.
Tie it off again.
And roast it in the oven.
Dude, that's on a difficulty level on one to five.
That's about a four and a half.
But you put your prick in there after, it's so good.
What?
Cut.
Go ahead.
That's my homemade pasta.
Look at that.
That actually looks like fucking real, doesn't it?
It should. I took a picture as I was walking by a place today on the way to work.
No, this is how I have the fucking KitchenAid. This is so gay. Most guys have a toolbox.
I got a fucking KitchenAid. About $400 worth. And there's an attachment.
First you make the... I don't even remember the recipe for the goddamn pasta eggs and flour
the real goodies make a uh make a they take a thing of flour and they they make a fucking pool
in the middle you know I mean you drop the eggs or the egg yolks I can't remember what I use and
then you bring a little bit in other words the you get what I'm saying the flour and you make a
hole in the middle and you put the eggs in that right on the counter and you bring a little bit of flour into the eggs that's guaranteed it's how you
your uh future mother-in-law does it or whatever and then i do it in a bowl i'm like fuck that
what am i in fucking rome being chased by so yeah you do that and then i have a thing that goes on
it you guys seen this on tv an attachment that goes on the kitchen aid so you you have like a
ball of dough,
you cut a slice off, you roll it out flat, and then you put on this attachment on your KitchenAid thing, your mixer, and you feed it in, and it's got different settings, and you, you know, first
you do it on the thick one, then the next the thick one, then the, and eventually, and it comes
out about this, you get a sheet like this, and you can almost see through it if you're doing it right. Not quite, you know. And then you cut it with a pizza cutter, however thick you want.
That's like tagliatelle or whatever, pappardelle, but it's fresh. And once you eat that, and I,
look, pizza, I mean, pasta is delicious when it's, even when it's, come on, even out of the box.
But when you, once you have fresh pasta, beauty of you dropping the water for about a minute,
that's the beauty of it.
And then if I can hit that with a bowl of days that I made,
please, I should be single getting a lot of snatch.
Listen.
What?
Delicious.
I know.
Thank you.
This is what we eat right after we buried our friend Billy Batch.
Bon appetit.
What else we got?
I got to get out of here.
There's the bejol. That's the one made of meat that's the original do you see the pieces of egg in there you brown it off for you know you brown
it off in a dutch oven you guys have a dutch oven it's just a regular pot enamel um cast iron
covered in enamel i should say those are about 300 bucks too but uh yeah you tie up the meat
you brown it off and then drop that in a sauce, a tomato sauce for a couple hours. Yeah, dude, you have no idea what
you're going to look like. That looks like, I don't mean to be gross, but it looks like something
they found in the Idaho bedrooms. Listen, oh, for the love of God, Nick, you're doing, that stays,
by the way. You don't have to shit out. That's why people love me. Finally tonight.
Is that it?
Oh, thank God.
I got to get out of here.
When I go to the dentist right now,
he's going to have to pull some of that out of my teeth.
Anyways.
That's it, kids.
I got to go.
I don't know.
It's not going to get fixed today,
but we're going to talk about it for another $200.
Fuck heads.
Don't forget Cameo.com.
If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to Cameo.com.
You guys think it, I will say it.
You're very welcome.
See you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow.
Can't wait.
Bye.
Hi.
Good night, everybody. guitar solo I don't know.