The Nick DiPaolo Show - Gillette Guilty Manscaping #102

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

More Fast Food Fuckery. Twitter Thought Police at it Again. McJesus Sparks McProtest.

🎵 Good evening, welcome to the big show on a Thursday, the end of another week. Yesterday was the 100th episode. You do the math. This is 101. We're on our way yeah anyhow 833-599-NICK 833-599-6425 is the phone ever wife buddy picture frame today and this is what comes in the picture frame this looks like uh i don't know, a couple of very young gay women, I think. Indoctrination. It's too... No, I'm kidding. They're really pushing this shit on the kids. I mean, this girl is kissing

this girl. It's dirty, dirty stuff. I'm busting balls, but it's pretty fucking funny. People out there going, holy shit, he's lost his fucking tits. Yeah. So he... Hey, big shout out to Robert Bloom, who made a personal donation to the show. Robert, thank you so much, buddy.

Lifeblood of the show. If you, you know, you belong to tears and whatever, which you have to because of Patreon, you have to belong to a tear, but you can still make contributions at nickdip.com individually. And we need all the money we can. This is, I haven't paid for the studio yet, so still selling weed to school children to make up the debt. And yummy, yummy. So thank you, Robert Bloom, so much.

Hey, tomorrow night I'll be at Lucy's right here, eight minutes from here, Pleasantville, New York. And Saturday night, this Saturday night, Fairfield Theater Company, Fairfield, Connecticut. Saturday, January 19th, Bobby B's in Windsor Lux, Connecticut. Friday, January 25th, the Comedy Palace in San Diego. I'll be on Joe Rogan that morning. And the Dave Rubin Show the following Monday.

Sunday, January 27th, when I'm out there, I'll do the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club in Ventura, California. Did it last time I was out there. Cute little club right on the water. Excellent club. Friday and Saturday, February 8th and 9th, The Black Box in Boca Raton, Florida. Friday, March 8th, Wood Theater, Glens Falls, New York. Saturday, March 9th, Cohoes Hall, Cohoes, New York.

I'm going to be shooting an hour. I'm having Jay bring his crew up. The guy that set all this up. He's a genius. He doesn't even know it. Then Friday, April 26th. The Steel Stacks. Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, which was part of the Nick is Right Tour.

Great, great room. Friday, May 31st. Jonathan's at Gunquit, Maine. Another killer room. Saturday, June 1st. first time I'll be there. Whites of Westport, Westport, Mass. Saturday, August 10th, Newtown Theater in Newtown, Pennsylvania.

Saturday, October 19th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. NickDip.com for ticket information. And yes, come on out. I did the Fat Black last night. It was great. They actually let me smoke on stage,

and it's a small room. I asked everybody, but I usually just light up. And nobody, when I do that room, it's DePaulo fans. It's a small room. It's like 75 people, but it's perfect. It's stuffed, and they know it's coming. I get no resistance. And some guy handed me a cigarette.

He said, if you pinch the filter, it turns into a menthol. Ever hear of that? I had never heard of such a thing. He was like, I don't know. He sounded like he was Iranian and he was from, he was my age at least. It was very fucking, very, to say the least. Went to the dentist today. So I had a beef with my dentist a few years ago about they always want to x-ray my teeth. And I don't enjoy the extra dose of radiation. My sister was an x-ray technician for 30-something years. Now she heads up the whole, she's got 75 people under her in Salem, Massachusetts. And I know about radiation. And I don't fucking want it if I don't have to have it.

You can put 19 of those lead things around my balls. I still don't give a shit. What if I want to have kids in my late 90s? Anyways, I made a stink a couple years ago. And I got into it with the hygienist, an older woman. And she started literally raising her voice. And I raised my voice back saying, you can't force a fucking service on a patient. And I said, you know how I know that? Your boss told me. And oh, ba-ba-ba, we do this and that. And we do these every three

years. So I got around the office that I was a real prick. Had a couple more heated discussions about x-rays. The doctor had to be called in last time to say, look, this is how it is. And you don't have to have it if you don't want to. But for us to give you proper care, but what else is he going to say? We have to, you know, x-rays let us spot shit that might go bad in the future. And I'm like, okay, blah, blah, blah.

And I actually liked the guy a lot. But I got into it with someone who I don't think works there anymore. She got me in a headlock I think that was the problem uh so anyways uh I didn't have them last time had x-rays today and I couldn't help myself I couldn't remember the woman working on me they all know that I don't like it but I couldn't help myself uh she said you need x-rays. And I said, when's the last time I had them? And she got all defensive, took a defensive tone. These are necessary, blah, blah, blah.

We do the full x-ray thing every four years, and we do the other ones every other year. So I go, basically, every year you're x-raying me. Well, that's not the case. The doctor has spent thousands of dollars to make it safe. I go, oh, so my concerns are legitimate about x-ray. And she says, I said, it's a moneymaker, let's be honest. And she goes, the doctor's gonna make an extra $15, so that's not it.

And we got into it. Then it gets all quiet. Only I would pick a fight with somebody who's about to fucking put a drill in her hand or a fish hook and pick at my teeth the next hour. Somebody told me I was supposed to pick my fights a long time ago, more, you know, be more selective and I can't help myself. So it got all quiet and weird.

She put that suction thing, she put it in, she half-assed it. I'm drooling all over myself. She's probably giggling. And it got all quiet and shit for the next 40 minutes or whatever. And, oh, the last thing she brought up was, well, you know, we have to do this because, you know, if we don't, she was bringing up the legal, I'm going to sue you for a cavity if you find a cavity three years from now. I mean, absolute nonsense.

And, oh, insurance cover. I said, not all insurance does cover it because I had a fucking insurance plan that didn't cover x-rays. It was just cleanings. But I didn't fight. I suppressed a few of those facts and just said, go ahead, get it over with. But then the dentist comes in who I like. This guy, Ward, great dentist.

And I'm going to keep going to him. If I have to wrestle with the chicks, I will. But listen to this. So I tell my wife that because it's a running thing and she goes well you're not alone the woman the guy who cuts my wife's hair get kicked out of his dentist less than a year ago and i said how did that happen and he said uh the hygienist who was about 500 pounds said to him that you still smoking. First of all, what? None of your fucking business. Just get the yellow and brown shit off my teeth.

He said, yeah, I am. And she rolled her eyes. And this guy's name is Haseen. He's like fucking Iranian or whatever. But I love it. He's so Americanized. He said he, she, she was like obese. And so she said, are you still smoking?

He said, yeah. She rolled her eyes. He saw it at the corner of his eye. He said to her, are you still eating? Oh, my God. I love this guy. I might go back to have him cut my hair. Are you still?

She said, excuse me? He goes, I heard you ask me if I was still smoking, and I saw you roll your eyes. So I asked you if you're still eating. It's none of your business. He got kicked out of the office. I love it. he's an american you can't force services on somebody anybody else have have a beef with this well let me put this lead apron on you and then the doctor dies behind a fucking wall made of bricks and fucking lead. Don't be afraid, folks, to speak up anytime.

I relish confrontation. That's my problem my whole life. And I told you, if I see a 10-year-old girl staring at me at the food court, I'll tell her to fuck off. Just how it is. You know what that's called? I'll use an Obama phrase.'s called a learning moment a teaching moment how are you going to straighten the assholes out if you don't teach them that very second that they're being assholes

you can't force me to have a service and I like to look up to see if he makes only an extra 15 I doubt it twanks how are ya Fantastic

What you do today there uh Ryan I did not go to practice Last night I went to the uh Soul Shine Band concert In Fort Chester What practice

Uh Jiu Jitsu You already I missed Jiu Jitsu today There you go For a concert. You're just a fucking lib. I don't know. I'm going tomorrow to make up for it.

Oh, are you? All right. Yeah. Get some lady in her late 70s in a choco. Finally going to actually pay for my classes. You haven't paid from you? Nah. Guy called you a woman.

Fuck him. Don't pay him. Although he's right on the money. You're a young girl. Jason, anything today before work? Yeah, I went to jujitsu. Oh, you did? Yeah.

Yeah, it was good. What, did you learn anything? Yeah, they showed a darts choke, which is pretty sweet. A what? It's called a darts choke. A darts choke. Yeah, you essentially like snake your arm around the guy's shoulder, then across his throat, and then squeeze with your other arm.

I keep trying to learn that. I forget which way to squeeze. Yeah, no. As long as you're digging right into his carotid artery, I think you're set. It's a violent show, everybody. 833-599-6425.

You know what today is? Priscilla told me this I would have never have known anniversary of Paul Lind one of our favorite funny men

his death 37 years ago he was 55 years old this is before they knew what AIDS was they called it gay cancer I remember that

I remember hearing the term gay cancer nobody knew what it was Paul Lind you know it's funny people ask me what what are your influences as far as comedy and shit I used to watch the Hollywood Squares as a eight nine year old ten year old kid because I loved Paul Lynn because he used to rip the tits off the crowd and I'm sure a lot of his answers were written beforehand doesn't matter he had that delivery anyways, he died 37 years ago.

Today, he was only 55. And I thought he was one of the funniest. He was a mean drunk, they said, too. Get out of my chair. I'll smack you. Anyways, here's some of, we have some clips of Paul Lynn on the, a couple of them you've heard because I've played the audio clips, but we actually have Paul Lynn on the Hollywood Squares. That's right.

We have historians say that King Henry VIII had Anne Boleyn beheaded because she couldn't do one particular thing. What? A blowjob. Convince Henry Vs he was Henry the first right this very minute you are being watched by something on the moon well where was it when I had my Ceres? My Ceres. Both of them. That's it, rub it in.

President Ford has stated that the only way it will happen will be over my dead body. What? President Rockefeller. Does Billy Graham think it's okay to look at pictures of naked women? Yeah, but he can afford the real thing. Great delivery. French police recently raided a house of ill repute for senior citizens and arrested several men in their 70s. And they were charged with loitering.

Love them. Can most people accept laughter during romantic encounter? I think they prefer applause. prefer applause The more money you make the more likely you are to take a drink now and then Is that why Kathryn Kuhlman slurs her words? Um... What's the major cause of itching in old folks? Oh, eating shredded wheat in bed. According to the World Book, what's the main thing we get from Honduras you got it too Doris Day's Beverly Hills neighbors Paul recently made Doris get rid of some

things she was quite quite fond of what her musical high to bed and three Korean acrobats there is a new bra on the market that squeaks in various musical tones the hills are alive He's beautiful. Studies at the University of Wisconsin show that you'll probably live longer if you love only one man or woman at a time. But it is alright to alternate. Ryan. A woman was fired from you already Paul Lane god bless you rest in peace

you crazy bastard funny son of a gun they say he got his delivery from like a drag queen who talked like that too I don't know go ahead Ryan you have a comment see Poland agrees with me yeah a lot of people agree with you. Nobody's, you know, I don't get it, but good for you. Whatever. Fuck whatever moves. Congratulations. Anyhow, let's get on with it, shall we?

Here we are. The president arrived in McAllen, Texas this afternoon. He visited McAllen U.S. Border Patrol Station. They participated in a roundtable on immigration and border security, according to the White House. And I watched a little of this. It was live streaming and he had a a great line and again sort of like paul and i think somebody might have written it for him but uh here's a little bit of his round table again as you know he's trying to uh get that

wall built or whatever and uh they're at a you know impasse where the Dems aren't budging. Pelosi sarcastically, you know, offered a dollar. What a fucking mamalook. Anyways, he's done. There were people who work at the border, who see it firsthand. Are they lying? And just the fact that, what is it, 300 people a day in this country die from heroin.

And they can't argue, even the Dems don't argue argue 90% of the heroin is coming across the southern border. Yes, a lot of it through the legal entries. But I saw a guy on TV last night who said millions and millions of pounds would come through illegal spots. So the wall would help. But here's Trump, and he had a good line here. I don't know who wrote it for him. Maybe he did. What happens is every network has a manufactured crisis.

This is a man, every one of them. It's like they, you know, send out to everybody, let's use this soundbite today. So it's a manufacturer, but it's not. What is manufactured is the use of the word manufactured. It's manufactured by them. Every single of the negatives. But they're not winning because it's common sense.

It's common sense. They say a wall is medieval. Well, so is a wheel. A wheel is older than a wall. And I looked, and every single car out there, even the really expensive ones that the Secret Service uses, and believe me, they are expensive. I said, do they all have wheels? Yes. Oh, I thought it was medieval.

The wheel is older than the wall. You know that? And there are some things that work. You know what? A wheel works and a wall works. Nothing like a wall. The government shut down because democrats will not fund all right uh you think he came up with that on his own i don't know you know as a great salesman you have

to have answers to object i don't like that this i put a tie on for this show i do that for nobody but you people and the mic blocks it there you go shows you i care about you The mic blocks it. There you go. It shows you I care about you. I wear a goddamn tie, Ryan. I work on getting you an even shorter mic. I don't think that's possible.

We need one that clamps on and it comes down like this, that way. Then I'll wear a tuxedo and a bow tie and all that shit for you. But anyways, yeah, so he was at McCallum today and uh i thought that was a good uh a good answer i'm gonna get into with the democrats and how silly they are that they won't give him his you know four or five billion six billion whatever he wants we'll get into how they spend money on on what shit in a few minutes and it's it's really deplorable but the fact that so many people just die of drugs that should be enough but no they hate trump that much they'd rather watch a whole generation get wiped out than agree with the fucking blonde haired blue-eyed devil uh let's go to peter

and uh armenia armenia armenia is that right i can can't trust Ryan with his typing. It probably means probably means our monk right next to me. It's Armenia. It's Armenia. Peter from Armenia. Insight on Trump's trip to Texas. Pete, welcome to the show. How are you? I'm doing well, Nick. How are you doing? Good. Thank you. Yeah. As far as the trip of Trump going to the border and speaking with the Border Patrol agents there and having them address the reporters, it makes it pretty obvious that he's not making this shit up.

And whenever they try to say he's twisting the facts, so now they're basically calling into question the Border Patrol agents themselves. And it's basically putting themselves in the corner where they're not going to be able to hold their narrative. Yeah. I mean, when it's coming straight from the guys and women who work on the border and we've lost one hundred and forty four. I forget what the number was. I mean, Jesus Christ. in 44. I forget what the number was. I mean, Jesus Christ, just one Border Patrol agent getting killed should be proof that it's a problem. Did you notice, and he made it great, this is how I know he watches a lot of Fox and stuff, but Tucker Carlson ran eight different shows, clips from like

eight different liberal, you know, MSNBC, CBS, NBC, and all of them are reading off the same script. It's manufactured, it's manufactured, it's manufactured it's manufactured it's manual how can you say that when 300 people a day are dying just on the drugs alone from from heroin how can you say it's a manufacturing crisis and uh you know it's absolutely ridiculous so uh i think you make a good point i think the truth is on trump's side in this one so in the end i would think he would win out but the american people uh severely retarded a certain segment of them you know the people that agree with pelosi and schumer yeah well i can't uh i can't disagree with you on that fact yeah and i just wanted to say that uh i'm really happy about your 100th episode

yesterday oh thanks pete and uh i'm really happy about your 100th episode yesterday. Oh, thanks, Pete. I'm really glad that you guys are doing a lot of great work. You guys, what you're doing is basically you're the outlet. You guys are giving us that dose of sanity to bring things into perspective. I feel sorry for you in being in New York State with what they're planning on doing in New York City, giving anyone and everyone free health care. Yeah.

So your taxes might be going up, my good friend. They're going to go up anyways, Pete. Thanks for the call, by the way. Great call. Yeah, I'm in the suburbs. But yeah, you know, what de Blasio, we talked about, yes, what he's proposing is just fucking outright insanity. And nobody can answer the question of

people are going to fly in from other countries to get, you know, take residence, take an apartment so they can get their knee fixed and whatever. Why wouldn't they? Um, it's absolute insanity. it's absolute insanity. Excuse me. Yeah, so my taxes, by the way, the town I live in in Westchester, my town was mentioned, was mentioned in a national article in the New York Times

about property taxes and how high they could get. I'm fucking crazy to live here. That's why I'm looking at a basement apartment in Montana. Four bedrooms, $140 a month. Pat in Saratoga, a buddy who I met up there in Saratoga, and I did a gig, wants to talk about being an asshole today.

What, Pat? What? You're not an asshole. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Nick. today what what you're not an asshole yeah yeah hey Nick so my job that I work currently I'm leaving it tomorrow and one of the reasons I'm quitting is because I worked with a bunch of fucking dickheads and the one guy that kind of runs the shop he goes in the rats on everybody to the foreman in the metal

shop and he stands around for four hours a day and smokes and he's sick and he's just he's a douchebag so today he was fucking he started he started he started yelling at me and this guy is such a narcissist he got his last name tattooed across his back the upper part of his back and his last name is h-o but his last name is h-o-t-t-e hot and he pronounces it hot so i said hey mark you know i'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. Hey, I'm going to get you a gift certificate tomorrow for a tattoo parlor, but it's all inclusive. You got to get red tattooed on your neck and asshole tattooed on your mid-back.

What the fuck? I don't know. So you're leaving? Yeah. Are you leaving? Oh, yeah. I took a gig for just as good money and fucking my varsity football coach works at the other place so all right i should be i should be good you know what exactly do you fuck that what do you do pat exactly

i i worked in a metal shop i was doing metal fabrication so uh i was like you know cutting drilling and uh welding steel and stuff but All right. But I've had enough. I don't know. Maybe the guy will want to fight me in the parking lot tomorrow. Hey, Pat, when you weld, do they still use flux? They use it a little bit, but we use more of the MIG welding, which it comes out of a gun, and it's got wire in it. Oh, all right. it but we use more of the mig welding um which it comes out of a gun and it's got wire in it oh um and i mean it has like you know argon mixed gas it coats uh it coats the weld right now we're

doing aluminum so we're doing tig welding but all right yeah it's uh yeah i think i just remember flux a little bit when i took metal class in high school we had to put flux on before we and and i worked at a sheet metal shop where they the machines that used to fold that shit to make ductwork and stuff so Pat good call buddy good hearing from you and tell that guy to kiss your grits and you know we're streaming aren't we yeah on all patreon we'll do it live do it live I keep down right it and we'll do it live. Don't get angry. Fucking thing sucks.

You've got to get mad. You've got to say, I'm a human being. God damn it. My life has value. Do you want to say something, Riot? I wish I had a freaking shop class in high school. I didn't have any kind of shop class. Of course you didn't. Your generation wouldn't fucking,

you know, you guys are too busy learning about gender. Again, they brainwashed you. You think an asshole is as good as a vagina, but you should have been learning how to weld. There's a leaky pipe.

Where's Ryan? He's blowing his friend Kevin, God damn it. You didn't have metal shop or electricity? They don't really offer those in high schools at all. There are specific trade high schools, but I went to a private high school.

Oh, fancy. Jason, do you have to take any of those? They offered it in middle school, but I actually worked with my grandpa who was a plumber for years, so I got to do a lot of that stuff anyway. Shit runs downhill. That's all I need to know. That's all I learned, and it's served me well so far. I work my Uncle Al, who is a master mason, my dad's brother. Old school Guinea.

Crazy as the day is long. He got fired from one of his original jobs. He tried to work for a commercial company. He threw a brick at some guy's head, and he tried to push my dad off my grandparents' roof. He had a little bit of a temper. He was a great football player, just a fucking hard-smoking old gindeloon. And I guess I was a bit of a wiseass,

and my dad thought it would be great to have me work with my Uncle Al for the fucking summer. This was when I was probably 17 or 18. Oh, oh my God. I thought my dad was a miserab. Holy shit. He showed me the first day. He showed me how to mix concrete or mortar. And he showed me.

So I'm using his recipe. So much sand, so much water. And I had to climb up a ladder. He's on the roof with two buckets of like mortar in each hand and then he yells down this is too thick and i'm like you gave me the recipe what the fuck oh he was a fucking tough one i remember the first day we're working we get to this woman's house when i'm massachusetts she comes out with a picture of a fireplace in homes and gardens magazine like the most beautiful fireplace three-omes and Gardens magazine, like the most

beautiful fireplace, three-dimensional. And I'm thinking in my head, my uncle Al can't do that. There's just no fucking way. Cut to like two months later. It was, there wasn't, it was so identical to the picture. He was an old school, he was like an artist. He would, he would look at each brick. And my dad, I said, why doesn't he, why didn't he would he would look at each brick and my dad i said why

doesn't he why didn't he work for commercial firm he said because because when you work for commercial you're gonna get the job my uncle al would study a brick for five minutes before he laid it i mean and the work he did to this day beverly farms massachusetts which is a beautiful rich area they have stone walls all over that town he did most of the stone walls i mean just work that you can't find anymore it sounds old-fashioned and cliche but you can't nobody does that type of work um so he was he was something else man and uh you know hard hard smoking he loved his beer and he was a fireman too it's a mason and a fireman a real fucking guy's gut but that was the longest six i i quit after six weeks i i came home i'll never forget my dad's in the garden

working in a garden i get out of the car i go hey your brother's an asshole and he my uncle my dad didn't even look up he just started belly laughing i go i quit today he didn't even yell at me he just laughed in other words it was a. And he wasn't an asshole. He was a perfectionist. He was actually a good fucking guy. And the other story I have about that, when we were doing that woman's house, she had a driveway that was like this, a dirt driveway. So we would back the pickup truck in, open the tailgate. So now there's a drop between the tailgate.

What are you pointing at, Ryan? What? The fuck are you pointing at? The people can't see the angle because you're doing it to us. What do you mean? I'm in front of the camera. No? It's like this.

Here's the tailgate for the truck. Anyways, the point being there's like a fucking five-foot drop, the tailgate. I put two planks up. I'm taking bricks. If you guys know know masons use these tongs where you can carry like 16 bricks in each and they're in the back of the truck so i'm going up and down these planks with the tongs in each hand i don't know how much fucking 80 pounds of bricks in each hand little did i know the planks that were leading up to the tail, the, the, you know, the truck, the tail,

what do you call it? Tailgate? Yeah, the tailgate. Little Danielle, the planks were sliding each time that I went up and down them. So finally,

after like the fourth trip, I go to step and the boards fell and the weight of the fucking bricks pulled me down.

It happened in a fucking nanosecond. I smashed my, I'm sitting on the ground. It happens so fast. That's how people get killed. I'm sitting on the ground. I don't know. I was literally seeing like silver things. I guess those are stars.

And I had an egg in my forehead. My uncle's yellow. Where are those fucking bricks? Fucking thing went wang. Anyways, okay, I digress. But the point is, you guys, the world still needs plumbers and they get paid like lawyers now.

You're crazy not to teach a kid a vocation. Yes, I know. Artificial intelligence is going to replace all that blah, blah, blah, blah. But in the meantime, we still have to shit and turn on water, so figure it out. Back to the wall and how much it's going to cost.

You know, Trump requesting 5.7 bill to fund the border wall and Democrats saying, what are you, crazy? It's ineffective and that's too much money and all this stupid fucking things. You fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. Here's some of the things Democrats have funded that cost more than the border wall. In 2018, the Fed spent $4.173 trillion overall.

That's what they spent. Meaning the border wall would amount to just one-tenth of one percent of the current annual federal spending. These lawmakers have happily funded various projects over the years that cost far more than the border wall. Here's some examples of wasteful federal spending projects that individually cost more than the proposed border wall. Rural utility service. more than the proposed border wall. Rural utility service. This program costs taxpayers $8.2 billion per year and has no actual purpose after its original intent.

Bringing electricity to rural communities, which was achieved a long time ago, it's now being used to bring broadband access to small communities, usually with populations of less than 20,000. And that's all it does. It already achieved its function years ago. Sugar subsidies.

Congress subsidized the production of unhealthy foods like sugar and high fructose corn syrup, even when they're telling us we should eat healthy. Eliminating sugar subsidies alone would save $6 billion, enough to fund the border wall. So don't believe these lying fuckers. Nothing to see here. Please, Pittsburgh.

Nothing to see here. Please. Community development grants. These grants were created in the 70s to revitalize failing American cities. The program has almost been plagued with dysfunction, with grants going to wealthy communities and other recipients, failing to produce accountability and results citizens against government waste that cagw reports that even president even obama called for reigning in the program its elimination would save 15 billion over five years that's three bill a year the united United Nations, as the United Nations largest contributor, the

U.S. in 2016 donated $10 billion to the U.N. Reducing these contributions, just 25% would create a savings of $12.5 billion over 10 years. Of the money Congress appropriates for the United Nations, $5 million taxpayer

dollars are itemized for abortions in foreign countries yeah shut it down it's right fucking un is useless oh that's a catchy tune amtrak we all know this is an abortion congress could sell amtrak to the private sector where it would almost certainly be operated more efficiently. We all can agree on that. But instead, it showered in billions of dollars of taxpayer subsidies. Over the next five years, these subsidies will cost $9.7 billion. And for Christ's sake, every time they pick up a paper, a fucking Amtrak train is going off the tracks.

Is it not? Yes, it is. Unused, we can't. You know what? Joe Biden takes that every every every day to work unused real estate congress appropriates money to maintain federal real estate that's not actually being used jesus october 34th 2017 crs report found that in the fiscal year 2016 federal agencies owned 3,120 buildings that were vacant and another 7,859 that were partially empty. Current laws require the government to undergo a series of steps before considering a sale of these buildings. With selling this unused property prioritized, the five-year savings are estimated at $15 billion. Simply maintaining the unused billings annually costs $1.7 billion.

Here's the one that fries my fucking apples and you have to be eating me. American taxpayers currently spend more than $50 billion with a B a year helping, this is foreign aid, helping develop foreign countries. Developed foreign countries. Many of the recipients are not known for being America's closest allies, such as Egypt, South Sudan, Uganda, South Africa, Russia. We give foreign aid to fucking Russia while they're trying to fuck us in the ass? How can you argue with Trump? The Congo, Sudan, and Zambia.

A lot of these are terrorist hotspots, by the way. Cutting these donations back just 10% will be enough to fund the fucking wall. I mean, these are people we're funding. A fucking... Durka, Durka. Muhammad Jihad. Haka Sherpa Sherpa. Give them all the money.

Develop them. They're trying to cut our throats. Eliminating any one of the above would create more than enough savings to fund the White House's border wall appropriation request. Here's some other small federal spending projects that are even more silly and wasteful. The Fed spend, listen to this, $613,634 to boost, get this, intimacy and trust of transgender women and their male partners. Fuck.

I ain't making this up. The Fed spent $5 million paying hipsters to stop smoking and then blog about it, as well as use cool anti-smoking swag like beer koozies. Northwestern University has received more than $3 million in National Institutes of Health to watch hamsters fight. But we can't afford a wall. Nancy Pelosi, the leathery nipple

dope and Chuck the jerk off Schumer. Some of those experiments involved injecting hamster with steroids, then putting another hamster in the cage to see if the drug rodents were more aggressive when protecting their territory. The Fed spent

$1,009,762 training social justice math teachers so apparently math is unfair the government spent at least $518,000 in federal grants to study how cocaine affects the sexual behavior of Japanese quail. Not Dan Quail, Japanese quail.

We know how it affected quail. It burnt his brain out. I am not making this shit up, but we can't afford a wall. You gotta be dog-styling me. You Democrats and you people who vote for him are fucking severely retarded i can't take it anymore no offense ryan but i mean come on quail on cocaine

how does it match made in heaven how does a quail snort cocaine i mean 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425. The phone. Are you fucking kidding me? So we can't build a wall? Go tell that to people who have lost loved ones to these illegal scumbags, I mean. You fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. No, you don't.

What do we got going here? This one excited me. Sopranos prequel movie is returning to where it all ended. Parts of the highly anticipated Sopranos prequel, the movie, it's called The Many Saints of Newark, is going to look familiar to fans of the original show. Page Six has learned that New Jersey's Halston's Ice Cream Ice Cream Parlor, that was where the last scene was.

The location of the final scene of the Soprano series will appear in David Chase's forthcoming film. How come my agent hasn't called me? He's calling me to play fucking Poppy on an HBO gay series. HBO contacted us to shoot on location. Holston's co-owner Chris Carley told Page Six in honor of the show's 20th anniversary.

They're going to shoot some scenes here, right at Holston's. HBO referred Page Six to New Line Cinema Who said they don't comment on possible filming locations Chase confirmed a young Tony Soprano Will be a part of the Many Saints of Newark Though casting is still underway Imagine

Who's going to land that one? Playing a young Tony Soprano Could I pull it off now somebody can imagine landing that role oh my god how come I haven't read for it I I don't know. I have to put on 80 pounds. Well, he wasn't fat when he was young. Halston's won't be doing something special in the matter of the anniversary. Their business has gone through the roof since the final scene of The Sopranos ended there. The ice cream parlor still is on location.

They have on-location tours stopped by every Thursday and Saturday, which sometimes brings groups of 30 or more people. Carly said those visitors are great for business. His regulars, however, have had enough of the crowds after all this time. Some of our customers are sick of it, he explained. Halston's has photos of the cast scattered throughout the building

and even sells Sopranos merchandise. T-shirts sell for $15, mugs go for $7.50, and at the time of this article, hats were on sale for $9 down from $14. Get me one! Are you guys not excited? I forget if you did. Did you watch the original Sopran? You haven't yet? Nope. Oh my God. You guys.

It's only the greatest TV show ever made and that was Screen Actors Guild who said that. Yes, I had a small part. You might have heard. Here's a little, we have some video. We have a clip of the locations that they shot at in 1999 when The Sopranos first came out as opposed to how they look like today.

So look at this. It's kind of cool. I want that house. Ah, they blew that restaurant up. Uncle Junior wanted to whack a guy in that. That's Artie's restaurant. I'm the person who says how things go. That's who I think I am. You kill him someplace else.

You may run North Jersey, but you don't run your Uncle Junior. Look at it, exactly the same. They threw a guy off this bridge. A drug dealer. I'm going to go visit some of these places myself. Look at the house. The fence is gone. It's still the same. here. Look at that house. The fence is gone. It's still the same.

I want to buy that house. We got to go there. First episode, but then this place was gone. Look at it. Exactly the same. That's Jackie April. Jackie Universe. Tell him to leave comedy trucking alone. Uh-oh. It's a fucking parking lot.

Doesn't that make you want to watch the show, guys? It really. I'm not exaggerating. It ruined TV for me. It fucking ruined it. I want to see him throw that guy off the bridge. Oh, there's a ton of good fucking wax that you wouldn't believe. You know.

It ruined TV. I loved Breaking Bad, but couldn't hold a candle to The Sopranos. And I loved Breaking Bad. Fucking binge watched it. I'm jealous of you guys that you have all that in front of you. And it's one of those things, if you watch the episodes over again, you're going to pick up 10 things every time you watch. There's so much symbolism.

David Chase was a fucking genius. And it's the funniest TV show ever. It's how cold and callous they are to women and strippers and shit. It'll make you belly laugh. You know, that's how those crazy guineas were. They're horrible people. I agree with that when people say this romanticizes, you know, like the Godfather

and shit. These fucking, they're horrible people. But maybe we can do that. You know, have you guys over. And Ryan? Is it watch like binge watch seasons or is it like watch the best clips? Oh, what? Watch the best clips what are you

he's already trying to get fucking weasel out of it i don't have a tv you have a computer yeah yeah can't you go fucking stream it hbo demand and hbo go and all that shit that's like a hundred bucks a month or some shit i'm sorry i'll give you a raise it's expensive all right you'll watch it here i'll make a nice ball of bolognese. You'll fucking... You'll be hooked on it like a drug. I'm telling you. Oh. No. And again, I'm

gonna say it's because you're Italian. I'm more Irish and British than Italian. All's I know is I auditioned in front of David Chase and I landed a little small tiny fucking... It was the highlight of my fucking... JD in Nashville, Tennessee has a funny story about being hypocritical

to be against the wall. Let's talk to our buddy, JD. JD, what's up, buddy? How you doing, Nick? What's happening? Why is it hypocritical? Ducky quack quack. Why is it hypocritical?

No, listen. Why is it hypocritical? Ducky quack quack. Why is it hypocritical? No, listen, my father owns a storage company, and I went and rented a storage unit. Yes, sir. And the lady saw the Trump sticker on the back of my truck or whatever, and as I was going down to rent her this storage unit, she goes, yeah, I saw that Trump sticker. I'm not a big fan. I don't like that build a wall thing.

She went through a whole horse show or whatever. And then she goes, well, the wall looks pretty good here around the building, the fencing with the razor wire and the security. I'm going like, okay, so you like the razor wire and you know security yeah i'm going like okay so you like the fencing here you know the wall essentially is what it is it's like you know uh brick you know mortar brick and mortar and then razor wire over top but you don't like that whole idea of i don't know it just it just it didn't it didn't add up she's that stupid that stupid that she badmouthed Trump because she doesn't like him. And then the next breath tells you she feels her stuff is secure because

you have a fence around her. She was asking about it. That's just evidence of her being... I can't make this stuff up. No, I know. Let me tell you, I'm envious of you, J.D., that you can have a Trump bumper sticker on your vehicle. I can't do that here.

If I drove into New York City and parked somewhere with a bumper sticker in my car, the fucking tires would be sliced or whatever. Hair and fucking liberal, open-minded, de Blasio comrade, de Blasio's new, you know? Yeah. Well, did you point it out to her how hypocritical she'd be? Oh, absolutely. But I did it in kind of a passive-aggressive way because I still have to be, you know, the customer's always right. Yeah, exactly.

But I go, well, listen, because she was giving me like a speech the whole time about, you know, Trump, the wall, the thing's just going on and on and then she's like literally in one second goes well these walls look pretty good i guess uh and i was like yeah we got you know 40 security cameras we got you know the gates and the whole you know the whole thing she's called it looks pretty good it seems like it'd be safe yeah well and then And then two seconds before was, you know, like bashing me over walls with Trump. I'm going like, am I dealing with an insane person? I don't know. I don't know.

I'm about to get a kick out of that one. You should steal some of her shit just to prove that, you know. Illegals don't have, illegals can get fucking, illegals can get tuition now health care driver's license if i can steal some of her shit go hey uh they're not playing by the rules neither am i oh yeah great call jd 87 thanks buddy appreciate it again it's it's the tv it's the idiot box and and uh we're at a point where they were, you know, there's only one truth, sorry,

but we're at a point in this country where people have their own reality, you know, and it's fucking frightening. It's very Orwellian. Hey, this ought to get you guys excited. Sarah Thomas will make an NFL history this weekend, be the first broad chick, I mean woman, assigned to officiate a playoff game.

Oh, my geek and stem. What the hell's going on out here? Yeah, she's going to fucking... You can act like a man. What's the matter with you? Yeah, I can see why you want women officials in the NFL because it seems like NFL players respect women so much when they're off field, just in behavior what's that buddy oh thank you Ryan

well said that's Sarah Thomas she speaks two languages nothing Vince it's just a broad relax. Sure should be fine. How do you become that? Again, I hate to come across, but seriously, you're going to tell me he's not a guy out there who... Do you understand every time you read a story like this, there's a guy who's more qualified? Do you understand that?

Most guys who officiate played the game, number one. Number two, they officiated a different line. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Oh, fucking. In the name of what? Thomas will be part of the crew working Sunday's matchup between the Patriots. What?

And the Chargers. What if she tries to give Brady a blowjob in the... She probably doesn't like cock. This is her fourth season as an unofficial... Really? What, does she be wearing a fake mustache the whole time? Is it her fourth season? I mean, I saw her.

I did. I saw. Not saw. I know. I saw, you know, that's her. Eh, not saw, I know. I saw, you know, that's her. Eh, not bad. There's a black guy ready to choke her right now because he was called for a fucking push in the back.

You listen here, you white bitch. I, you know, I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. I know there's a guy out there that played the game. Just like when I watch ESPN, they have three guys who played the game and then one chick on the panel. And I know the idiot liberals that run ESPN and Disney go,

you know, football fans love pussy. Those guys love pussy. We have to, it's like, no, we like our pussy on this shelf. We like our sports on this shelf. You don't have to mix the two. Jesus, will you fucking stop? Thomas is no stranger to making history having become the NFL's first time

full-time female official in 2015. Meanwhile, Terry Valentini, the league's first female instant replay official. I got a big problem with that. Why? She's going to be the first female instant replay official.

It already takes enough time when the guys are trying to decide. You ever gone shoe shopping with your wife or your girlfriend? Fucking decision takes 75 minutes. Boy, does that sound sexist. I hope so. I meant it that way. We'll also achieve an NFL first when she works a playoff game between the Colts and the Chiefs on Saturday.

Oh, my God. It's funny. When I watch games and they show, they'll show a touchdown pass, and instead of showing the quarterback throwing in the whole ball in the air, they'll just show the guy catch it. The tough part is the actual pass, the end and i'll always say is there a chick running the replay thing or when somebody scores the touchdown they'll show the guys uh celebrating for 10 minutes which if you're a sports fan and a guy watching football it doesn't

it doesn't fucking you like and i always say is there a chick it's a chick or a gay guy running the replay they think this is interesting. Everything I say hurts Ryan's feelings. I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm not trying to do it on purpose. I have band-aids back here.

It's okay. You have band-aids? Ooh, gross. I don't want Terry Valentini working the instant replay. I don't want her

to be the... I want some guy who's been doing it. Some retired official. Anyhow. Nick, that's very anachronistic and retro and sexist and misogynistic. Yeah, well, I'm the original deplorable. You don't like men deciding the abortion issue,

do you, ladies? No, you don't, because I've heard it a million times and you say why because men have never had a baby yes and you've never carried a football get the fuck out of the league that's one of my best fucking points i say that i did it on a special the audience always gets quiet they're like shit we have no argument there's not not a laugh. It's like, he got us. I have a new cushion under my ass. Let's move on to more feminists out of control. Left wing fucking I hate men fucking ideology being spewed.

This is from the Boston Globe. My hometown, my home state of Massachusetts is embarrassing to me politically. I still love it. I still go home. Beautiful state, beautiful city. The politics, it's starting to make San Francisco look conservative. It really is.

They've lost, they're in a competition with other cities to see how progressive they can be. It is, and I experienced it a couple years ago and I did comics come home and I used the word Jew twice

in a funny way, not a hateful way. And I did Bernie Sanders jokes and I got booed by, it was 15,000 people then. And I got a hard on. I've never been booed by, it was 15,000 people then. And I got a hard on. I've never been booed by, half the audience was booing. And the other half fucking loved me.

So it was perfect. But I was just so shocked at how fucking childish. Time's up on Boston firefighters and locker room talk. That's the headline. Oh, what the fuck? The latest evidence is a report released Tuesday that concluded that the city's 16 female firefighters out of 1,500. And that's got an exclamation point in 2019. Another exclamation point saying, do you believe it?

There's only 16 out of 1,500. Encounter a sometimes unwelcoming work environment. Oh. Oh. According to the inquiry led by attorney Kay Hodge, who has a handlebar mustache and thick, thick calves, Women face widespread, and this is in quotes, locker room talk at 33 firehouses,

among other problems. It cannot be denied that the department remains male-dominated with persistent perceptions of favoritism, resistance to change, and a culture of going along to get along for women, said the report. How about it doesn't need to be fucking changed?

Let me hit you with a little logic, Kay, you fucking brain-dead bitch. You're in a building. You're a 400-pound woman or man. And you're on the fifth floor. Your apartment's burning. Who do you want coming up the ladder? A 250-pound or 220-pound guy in shape or a 118-pound girl who passed the test because she only had to do six push-ups seriously

end of discussion case fucking closed this is a job that takes strength physical strength you can't argue that men are physically stronger and then locker room talk you can't handle guys talking and cursing and talking like men, but you can handle, you're going to jump into a fucking burning building. Fuck you. You can't have it both ways. Bullshit. Bullshit.

And you can look all this up. They have lowered the standards in the military cops as far as physical fitness tests. They've lowered everything. Lowered the standards out of fairness to women. Okay. Bullshit. I want a guy coming up that ladder if I'm fucking about to jump off my roof. Silly.

But you can't handle some fucking guys talking like guys talk. You've got to be shitting me. Put your ideology ahead of people's lives. That's how sick you people are. Fucking sickening. Oh, by the way, it says the department is also 72% white. Yeah, and the NBA is 88% black. I want to see more white players. What are you going to do about it? I really don't want to see more white players. You know why? It'll lower the standards of basketball. Think about that for a second. It's too white.

No surprise after a scathing analysis by the NAACP. So, oh, consider the source. They're very objective, I'm sure. In 2017 on the lack of racial diversity. You know, a lot of black guys don't want to be firefighters. They did a study in New York City. Actually, it's smart. The scrutiny of the fire department shouldn't diminish the fact that firefighters put their lives on the line.

What needs shaking up is the system that built this male-dominated culture. Stop! Thank you. The latest report offered 21 recommendations, including the creation of a cadet program. This would provide a way around civil service rules that have worked forever, that give a strong preference to military veterans. Yeah, you wouldn't want them, wouldn't want to help them.

As well-intentioned as the policy has been, it has become a barrier to diversity. Good. It's called keeping the standards where they belong. Oh my God, you people are sick. A cadet program would be a step in the right direction. A small step. But if Marty Walsh, the mayor, and city council want to be braver,

they need to press for a civilian commissioner. Demand it. Why would you do that? Demand an end to 24-hour shifts that encourage a frat house atmosphere. Guys act like they're in a fraternity if you put them together for five minutes. What's the fucking 24 hours have to do with it? Let's make

it a sorority atmosphere. Maybe we can have the guys have pillow fights with their shirts off before the fucking bell rings. In the name of progress. You fucking, you've lost your minds. Make the residence requirements harder to game and limit the veterans' preference. Both mayor and consul share a responsibility

for a department that continues to make a mockery of the progressive values. Sometimes progressive values are hurtful, like in a firehouse or in the military. How about all the women getting pregnant now in the military being sexually harassed? Maybe that's why they kept men and women

apart in the military for fucking the first 50, 60 years. Do you ever go back and look at what you want and after we change it and see the results or you just...

Nah. Share a responsibility that continues to make a mockery of the progressive values that most of the city's political leadership claims to hold dear. And therein lies your problem. It's embarrassing, and I love my town of Boston. It's so... I watched the Red Sox.

I've talked about it on specials. Nesson, New England Sports Network. Every... They can't... The Red Sox can't do a game without talking about cancer fucking for seven innings and and and whatever I'm watching the Bruins the other night they showed them playing and they were playing with these kids these blind kids are playing hockey it's they roll a ball and and I and I understand I I'm not I'm not poo-pooing on that I'm just saying can you separate that

can I can I can i get through a game without having a sick kid in the booth nick you're being selfish no i'm not we're all aware there's cancer and shit but again sports is the toy department of life it's where we go to get relief from fucking this stuff you you they're like the boston is like they really are trying to lead the way as far as being politically correct and shit. You know what? There's a reason it's male-dominated, certain professions.

Do you know? That sort of evolved that way, because they're better at it. They're bigger, they're stronger. What you need in the military, cops, firemen. Nothing personal, ladies. I don't want Sandy Duncan coming up the ladder or Dorothy Hamill. Okay?

I want a guy that looks like Gronk. That's who I want coming up the ladder. Fucking Gronkowski. Finally, tonight, I I meet the press. I believe it's Thursday again. This story's from last week. We'll leave on a dark note. A restaurant manager in Chicago who told a black teen,

in quotes, I'm not trying to be racist after allegedly striking him with a chair was suspended from his job. When I read this shit, just realize I'm reading for the mainstream media and you should be able to detect by now after watching this show, the liberal slant. The shocking encounter unfolded after 18-year-old John Kyle Johnson, a black guy, entered a Pokey Pokey restaurant, a Poke Poke on South Wabash Avenue, January 2nd, when a few friends waved him inside. His black friends. He's black.

But as soon as the high school senior stepped inside, he said the eatery's manager, Matthew Fezzi, confronted him. Fezzi said, I'll kick your ass to Johnson. This is my place of business. of business. Johnson said Fezzi then swung a chair at him, striking his arm before the teen decided to call police and start recording a minute-long video that was later posted to Facebook and had garnered more than 22,000 views. Here's the important part of this. Striking his arm before the teen decided to call, but then start recording a minute-long video. You never see the verbal altercation that started. You want me to believe that a black kid walked in and a white manager of a store just hit him with a chair? We never see what started the confrontation.

You never do. He turns it on and the white guy admits the manager that he was wrong and hitting the guy. Here's the video. On their way here, I can call them and tell them I'm in the wrong. For what though. Here's the video. two more black guys i actually fought them in here 8 p.m at night they tried threatening one of my employees and i had to fight them when you guys came in here i just get really defensive really defensive because i have to fight them off all the time these security guys over here don't do a chair at me i know shut up let's talk about it no man i'm again i way in the wrong i feel bad but that was just my first instinct because i've had to deal with fights here which i shouldn't and i legit thought we had to fight and i'm like i was not i was not trying to hurt

this man i wanted to come into your place of business and talk to you. Be important, bro. We got a lot of plug through this. No, it's not even that, though. It's not even that. It's just as a human being, man. As a human being, though. I shouldn't have done that, s***, man.

It was wrong. But I'm not going to lie, man. Yo, I'll look in here. I had to fight three people at my restaurant the other day, so I thought I had to fight some more people. So, s***, I freaked out. Sorry, sir. Police are on their way.

Oh, the black kids all calm and that's just do you want you want me to believe you want me to believe a black kid and he just hit the kid with a chair because in the article it says the kid made a fist and it was a verbal altercation where is you don't see that part of it and he had to fight three black kids a day prior now i know we live in a world where it's crazy for me to defend the white guy whatever but but but show me the whole fucking story in 2019 you want me to believe he walked and did nothing when it says he made a fist and whatever so give me a fuck in a perfect world this black kid go you know what okay you know i i get it some of the fucking whatever but uh calm the fuck down.

But no, this guy could get canned or whatever. He's in a neighborhood. Obviously, he's got a store in a black neighborhood. That's who comes into his place of business. And I like how the kid said, I just want to walk in. And I just wanted to talk to you. Really? About what?

Kids well known in the neighborhood. What does that mean? I'd like to know what that means. So I'm just saying in a perfect world, the police in Chicago said Johnson told responding officers that Feezy hit him with a plastic chair after a verbal dispute. Where's that footage?

After a verbal dispute, where's the footage? And he just had black guys in the day before causing trouble. But no, we can't, you know, give me a fucking break. Handle it like men, by the way. Fezzi claimed Johnson entered the restaurant, started arguing with him while clenching his fist, making him believe

he's about to be assaulted. That led Fezzi to throw a chair at Johnson, who then told two other victims, two men in their 20s, that he had something in his backpack that would end them.

Oh, no. No charges have been filed, but Johnson's attorney, Anish Parikh, told the Post that the team plans to take legal action. Of course he does.

Fizi, meanwhile, has been suspended pending the completion of a police investigation into the incident. Good luck finding somebody to work at that store. Who's going to want to fucking deal with these idiots? We are taking this matter very seriously, the statement read. Racism has no place in the blah, blah, blah, blah. No one should ever be judged by the color of their skin. Is that right? So you're walking down the street at three in the morning, downtown Atlanta,

and there's five young black guys on the sidewalk coming towards you. You're not going to cross the street? Well, then you're a fucking idiot. You're an idiot. No, walk right through them, the liberals will tell you. You won't last a second if you listen to them. Even Jesse Jackson said,

remember his famous statement? He said, it makes me sad to know. He said he was walking down the street in D.C. and he heard a group of kids walking behind him and he was relieved when he saw that it was white guys. That came from Jesse Jackson. So stop with your PC bullshit, okay? You have to prejudge to survive.

I don't give a shit how racist that sounds. I'm not gonna play by your fucking rules. I would have been dead 20 years ago. Anyways, that is it for the week. Thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, go to nickdip.com. I'll see you

if you live in the area tomorrow night at Lucy's in Pleasantville and Saturday night Fairfield Theater Company, Fairfield, Connecticut. I believe it's a 7.45 start there.

And thank you people who came out to the Fat Black last night. It was a great fucking show. And we can't do this without your support. You've been great. Remember, you guys think it. I will say it. See you next time.