The Nick DiPaolo Show - Groomer-In-Chief | Nick Di Paolo Show #1322

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Bankman-Fried Tries to Avoid Jail. White House Drag Visits. Woman Definition Up For Grabs. Iranian Soccer Players Faces Death.   Bankman-Fried Tries to Avoid Jail. White House Drag Visits. Woman Definition Up For Grabs. Iranian Soccer Players Faces Death Today’s episode is sponsored by Mizzen and Main Clothing. Go to www.mizzenandmain.com and use the code NICKDIP for $25 off any regular price order of $130 or more!

Hey, make sure to join me on Patreon to get the exclusive Encore episode. Today, goddammit, well I... I always forget this. Rabbi. Today I'll be talking about a rabbi who loves magic mushrooms and people have a problem with that. I don't. guitar solo Good morning, my neighbors! Hey, fuck you! Welcome to New York Live.

Chili Dog Coffee Light. How are you folks? Great to be with you on a filthy Sabbath. What is it? Wednesday? Sabbath. Well, life on a farm, I kinda lay back. Ain't nothing like a country boy, me can't hack. Early to rise, early in the sack.

Thank God I'm a country boy. Well, the work's all done. The sun's setting low. I take out my fiddle. Rising up the bow. The kids are in bed, so I keep it cutting low. Thank God I'm a country boy. Well, I got me a fine wife.

I got me a fiddle. The sun's coming up. I get jizz on the griddle. Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle. Ah, my plane. What? Jizz on the griddle, life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle. Ah! My plane. What? Guy was in like a glider.

Why are you bringing that up, Nick? That was 40 years. I don't know. I love his music. I was afraid to bring that up at the comedy cell or at the table. And Noam, who owns the comedy cell, the late great Manny's son, is a great musician. And he goes, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

He goes, it's fucking good music. And everybody else shut their mouths, and I went... But then I said, look, Devo was the best band. And they went, get the fuck... No. Do you remember Devo Dallas? Huh? You know, the fucking Silly Hatch? Were they safety dance?

No, that's the other. That's men without hats. How can I ever? My favorite band. Let's get to it. I get shingles. Let's get to that. Since my 30s, look, it lies dormant in about 90% of the population.

You've seen the commercials for the drugs. If you get cold sores, it's the same fucking virus, actually. It lies dormant in your spinal cord or wherever the fuck, behind your kidneys, waiting for a couple of colored kids to walk by. What? What did that mean? I don't know. And starting in my late 30s, or maybe early 30s, I would start to get this, my skin get really sensitive. If I'd comb my hair, you guys might even have this and don't know you have it,

your scalp would hurt just by the touch. I never knew what that was until somebody explained it to me, and then David Letterman used to take like a month off at a time. A lot of people have shingles, and it comes out, the blisters come out on their scalp and go down their face. Into your eye. It can get real ugly.

I've always had mild wear. It's like a bad sunburn. It hurts to touch. When I get run down, and I got to stop going to bed at fucking three, dude. I can't help these pap smear videos on YouTube. They are

tremendous. I'm in bad reading on my phone just what you're not supposed to do. I read ghoulish shit late at night. Rape, sexual torture stories. I don't know what that's about. Maybe the devil be trying to get out me. Anyhow so I've been run down and yes my back you can't even touch my back, right? It feels like a third degree burn. But no blisters. No, you know, when you have shingles, they blister, like in most people. I have never got to that point, but I'm starting, yeah, fuck it, you'll see my gut.

But right here I have a bunch of red bumps and they hurt like a motherfucker. Anyways, that's enough. That and I have diarrhea. Good evening. Welcome to Connie Chung Hour. What else? Real quick. Bruins won again. Shoot out. Oh my God. I don't even believe what I'm witnessing. Let's get on with it, shall we? Okay. Let's start. I got my tooth in, so I don't know if you've noticed. Am I talking all right? I sound all right, right? Till this thing fucking... Headline, first story, sad excuse. What does that mean? The former cryptocurrency king fronted a court in the Bahamas. I guess that means he went in front of a court? What is that? What's next? Top of mind? Again, I'm sure that's how they say it in England, maybe. Was this from the mail? I think it was, actually. Fronted a court, which is different than fronting somebody over here, you know what I'm saying?

Cold fronting. In the Bahamas, after being arrested earlier this week, Coindesk and the Daily Mail, there you go, reports Bankman Freed, again, the most Jewish name I've ever heard, Bankman Freed's lawyer tried to get him out on bail while he awaits another hearing. There he is. Looks like something the cat coughed up with a fucking... That's actually a good picture of him.

He actually looks... I mean, this guy. Watch, uh... Is it Gutfeld tonight that I gave him? No it was last night. I don't know if you saw his monologue but I gave him a few good nicknames. Um, Jerome Roberts, that's the lawyer, reportedly argued the 30 year old needed to be out of prison so that he could regularly take his medication and maintain his vegan diet. Is he serious? and maintain his vegan diet.

Is he serious? That's the black woman judge when she heard that. Are you shitting me? You know, it's like a rapist, you know, somebody who fucking raped his daughter and killed her is on death row. I shouldn't be here. I'm on Pritikin's and South Beach diet and I can't get that type of nutrition.

Maybe his lawyer secretly hates him. That's the weakest excuse I've ever heard. Coindesk claimed Bankman Freed testified that he takes over-the-counter allergy pills. Who gives a fuck? This is typical for somebody of his generation? I swear to fucking God. This is typical for somebody of his generation. I swear to fucking God. We already know how he thinks. I didn't mean to bilk people out of money. You could say that about any crime.

So over the counterpills, he takes Adderall. Yeah, welcome to the fucking club. Emson patches. What the hell's that? For depression. Oh, poor baby. Oh, that dirty cocksucker. The lawyers proposed a monetary surety to get the bail and even have the defendant wear an ankle bracelet

to allay fears of him being a flight risk. Guy probably got 19 jets on weight for him. Judge Joanne Ferguson Pratt. There she is. Warren Sapp in a Donald Trump wig. Yeah. You know what? I like Joanne. Joanne sounds like she's got her shit to... He ain't gonna let no white punk ass, you know what I'm saying? You ain't got a prayer. You got a black woman judge, and you're a little rich white bitch who scammed people. Uh-uh. I'm calling Farrah and Farrah, those are local guys down here, asked how much money Bankman Freed would be willing to put up. Roberts, the lawyer, said, I hope Mr. Bankman Fried doesn't crucify me for

saying this. God knows we've crucified enough Jews. What? Good night, everybody. Remember Rock'em Sock'em Robots? But given the circumstances, I thought I came up with a better Rock'em Sock'em. It's an abusive husband and a wife.

Sounds like a family guy skit. Oh my God. How funny is that? Guy and a wife beater. Fucking wife with a, you know, bringing a sale. Anyways, I've been thinking of some real good lines in my head.

Instead of a boxing ring, it's a kitchen. That's right. Oh yeah, no doubt my head. Instead of a boxing ring, it's a kitchen. That's right. Oh, yeah, no doubt. Absolutely. Kind of a raging bull kitchen. Hey, Larry, I'm going to eat that dog for lunch. But given the circumstances, perhaps $250,000, this is the lawyer suggesting a figure. But here's where I like the lawyer.

But your honor doesn't have to agree with me if 50,000 is a good figure then 50,000 is a good figure World's worst lawyer. Yeah, but the guy's got billions. I know that's fucking ridiculous Prosecutors feared he could disappear if he was granted bail, not with those tits and hair, even though the former crypto mogul already had his passport confiscated when he was arrested. Couldn't get another one, could he, or a fake one? However, Judge Joanne, my girl, Ferguson Pratt, sounds like a wide receiver. They all have three names in SEC now because of their family.

So, so fucked up. Rejected the idea that just because he doesn't have a travel document does not mean he's not a flight risk. That's right, Judge. Girl's kind of sharp. She graduated second at DeVry. If you sat where I sit, she says, in the ladies' room with a sandwich, with the number of bail violations that come before me, you would understand my concern, she said.

The judge eventually rejected the bail request and set a date for an extradition hearing next year in February, which is a couple months away, right? Am I getting that right? Bye-bye, dickhead. We've got to keep an eye on that story. And again, because I'm not convinced he's going to be treated like any other criminal since he goddamn gave zillions to the DNC for the midterm.

We've got to follow that one up. Yes, I know the Republicans control the House. Let's see if anything happens. Going to have more hearings, are you? Dallas, name somebody who's gone to jail on the left. I can't. I can't either. I mean like a high profile or anybody, not even Jay.

Well, yeah. Kick in their door at six in the morning with a SWAT team like they did fucking Roger Stone, who's not even a poly. He's a fucking ally. Anyways, keep an eye on Bankman Freed. God, it's a hilarious name. It is. It's out of a cartoon.

Sam Bankman Freed slash Jerusalem. it's out of a cartoon. Sam Bankman Freed slash Jerusalem. He puts the J in Jew, you know what I'm saying? I think Rodney said that one of his jokes. Let's move on to some more political cucka-poo-poo. White House wanker. You like that? I know Dallas is a kind of a worldly guy because of the military. I figure I'd throw in a word here and there that he's heard. The white-ass wanker. The wanker. The white-ass wanker. The white-ass wanker.

More has come to light regarding the past of the drag queen whom President Joe Biden invited to the white... Think about... When I hear stories like that... Now, think about FDR. Even FDR. Fucking the other Roosevelt, the good one, Teddy, think about Teddy or even George Bush Sr., a real, you know, can you imagine how we would have gone from, to have this type

of shit at the White House? That's your idea of progressive? President Joe Biden invited a half a fag to the White House for respect for Marriage Act. And again, you don't have to be a politician to know that gay marriage has been legal since Obama was in office. So what are we doing here? Oh, it's look over here. Look what we're doing. Well, we try to fucking whatever.

Bankman freed. That problem. Ukraine, the border. Look over here. Something you guys can get fake upset about. They have a celebration of shit that's already happened. Signing this week, including a past tweet in which he said, when I say he, this is the tranny that Biden's going to have at the White House. This is one of his quotes.

He's a, you know what, a drag queen. Kids are out to sing and suck dick, he said. Come on, Dad. Oh, I'm so dehydrated I got a cramp right here. You ever get that? I got a knot right under here. You know, you're in the desert. What am I asking you for? Imagine, kids are out to

sing and suck dick. That's what my parents used to say when my uncle came over. Where's Nick and Greg? Uh... Kids are out to sing and suck dick. Man, this is the guy that they chose, slash girl, it, they, twat, fucking piece of garbage. To be a non-binary drag artist invited to the White House, this is the Fed speaking, is something I never imagined would happen. That and being fisted by Andre the Giant when I was 11. Thank you, President and Dr.

Biden, call him the dumb cunt doctor, for inviting me to this historic bill signing. Grateful doesn't begin to express the emotions I feel. Cummings, of course that's his name, tweeted while sharing a screenshot of his taint. Next one, Menorah. A screenshot of the White House invite. Ugh. He's a fag. You don't say, Tony. Since Cummings keeps his Twitter account private, why is that?

His past statements had to be screenshotted by several users, one of which raised more than a few eyebrows. Look at this picture here. This is the Jets' front four last year. What? Those are all men, right? Yep.

How is that possible? And look at this poor kid. Never had a chance. Nope. Looks like a comedian friend of mine, a young Joe DeVito. Look at this poor bastard. Look at fucking Nate Newton.

Liming for the Cowboys on the right. Oh, my God. This poor kid never had a chance. Please give me a cup. Another Instagram post featured Cummings posing with a child along, this is what I just showed you, several scantily clad drag queens that featured the following caption. He was so excited. This is the guy that's being invited, the tranny, to the White House.

This is his quote about this picture. This kid was so excited, he said he wants to perform with us next year. Well, that's normal. And I'll say it again. If I was parents today, well, I'd say this is going back 20 years ago. If I had kids, I wouldn't let them play Little League. I wouldn't let them go near a fucking Cub Scout troop.

I don't trust any guy my age or old that wants to fucking be around kids. Nick, that's horrible. I don't give a fuck. We're living in sad times. Anyhow, let's take a look at some of the video, some of the work. I like his old stuff, this drag queen. His new stuff's not as original. But what I'm about to show you, and again, keep in mind, this guy is going to be like a guest at the White House to celebrate the fucking lying, what's it called? Respect.

You know what they're doing? They're mocking, they're mocking a man and woman. They're mocking everything that this country stands for. That's all this is. It's meant to degrade you and fucking, especially Christians who believe in a, you know, a mother and father and a nuclear family that, you know, there's only a thousand statistics to back up that that's the best way to go. Even lefties will tell you that.

But here's some of the work that this fruit cup, I don't get invited to the White House, but this fucking gobbler of goo and all kinds of cottage cheese. Go ahead. Wait, that's me. That wasn't supposed to be in there. That was me making my wife laugh. I was cutting the grass in that. Hey. Throwing your son looks like a fag to me.

Oh, my God. Oh, my tooth. You see that? My tooth came out. Oh, guys, you see that? They're going to slow it down at home. Oh, my God. You see that? My tooth came out. Oh, guys, you see that? They're going to slow it down at home. Oh my god. I am a real Georgian.

Let's take a look at this video that went number three in the charts. I like big dick. I want a thick dick. Give me your unclothed dick. I don't want your drink. I want a thick dick Give me your unclad dick I don't want your drink I'm on your dick Do you think it's slutty To have sex with a different guy each week? So that's 52 guys

In the whole year Alright I can't Why is he Why is he with the Fucking Why is he with the LA LA Dodgers strength coach? Actually, I think it's one of the field hands.

Yeah, it is. What the fuck? This is a guy folks making a mockery. Joe Biden and it's not Biden. It's his handlers. You guys know how much the squad and AOC and all these young people hate this country the guy on the he's a heterosexual he's like give me 1500 i'll do it

oh my why didn't i get picked for that very upset fuck it's hot we got a picture of joe watching the whole ordeal as well oh yeah there he goes joe's watching the video they said in the. Oh, yeah, there he goes. Joe was watching the video. They said, you can't see below his waist. He's wearing Dr. Jill's nylons. He's either looking at a 12-year-old girl's ass or a fucking giant snow cone. Anyways, dress shirts used to be for guys in boardrooms,

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And I've looked at some of the pictures. I go, I had that on at the Funny Bowl in 1991. So it was a good update to my wardrobe. And if somehow you still aren't a believer, they got over 30,000 five-star reviews. So you know they make a great product. So if you want the best cold weather clothing this holiday season, check out Mizzen and Main. Right now, if you go to mizzenandmain.com, use promo code NickDip, you'll receive $25

off any regular price order of $130 or more. That's $25 off their entire site. When you go to M-I-Z-Z-E-N-A-N-D-M-A-I-N.com, use promo code NickDip. We thank you for sponsoring the show today, Mizzen and Main. On we go, ladies and gentlemen. Definition of woman is up for grabs. Again, we always say you can't change people's behavior until you change the language, and that's how you fuck with people's heads, and here's a perfect example. Can't take it no more. As the proponents of radical leftist gender ideology wage a struggle

to supplant truth with inane gender-bending dogmas that defy reality, that's well put, dictionary.com has announced the word woman as its 2022 word of the year. My response? it's 2022 word of the year. My response... Why would you pick a word that nobody can define? It kind of sounds like it'd be the least... The website noted that the largest spike in searches for the definition of woman was right after Lena Dunham took her pants off.

Remember that? She takes pictures of herself nude on the toilet. Now, the largest search for the word woman, the word, this year occurred after GOP Senator Marsha Blackburn, who was a piece of ass in her day, I'm guessing, of Tennessee, asked, who am I to say that in her day? Katonji Brown, defensive end for the fucking Alabama Red Tide. Katonji Brown Jackson to define the word during a confirmation hearing on Jackson's nomination

to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court. And again, makes me wonder how she did on her SATs. And again, makes me wonder how she did on her SATs. They asked her, remember that? They asked her, can you define a woman? That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. That was uncalled for.

Jackson, very angry like most black bitches, impulsively declined to provide a definition for the word woman. Let's take a look. Let's go to the video. If you're up this, oh boy. Again, mockery of the Supreme. Think of the great minds. The Clarence Thomases, the Justice Roberts, the Thurgood Marshall.

Is that one? Again, I thought he was a defensive back. Anyways, think of the great minds that have gone before on the Supreme Court, right? And Scalia. And just think, again, lowering the standards, it's a mockery. It's just a, you fucking, go ahead. Can you provide a definition for the word woman? Can I provide a definition? No. Yeah. Pause. I like how she goes, provide? Why would she emphasize provide? Yeah, I want you to pull one out of your purse, you fucking chinchilla. Ooh, I want to punch her right in her fucking face.

And I want to fuck the other one. Go ahead. I can't. You can't? Not in this context. I'm not a biologist. Pause. Listen to that.

Pause. That was it. Yeah. How stupid. That's what I know. She shouldn't be sitting on the goddamn pickleball court. In this context. I'm not a biologist.

Oh, so you don't know what a shoe is, right? Because you're not a... What do they do? Who makes shoes? Cobbler? Why would I go and shoe anything? I can't define the sun. I'm not a fucking astronaut.

What? Good logic, though. That's what's sitting on the Supreme Court. Good luck if you're a white guy and you're on death row and it goes to her. Or just white, period. I don't like your face. That's what I think of you. Right in your face, bitch. While Cambridge Dictionary's

website includes straightforward definition for the word woman as an adult female human being, which is right. It also includes a definition that reflects the absurd dogmas of the liberal zeitgeist on the issue of gender, defining woman as an adult who lives and identifies as a female,

though they may have been said to have a different sex at birth. It's not going to be long before you all kill yourselves because you're all crazy. And you can project it back on me. Example sentences accompanying that definition include, she was the first trans woman elected to a national office and Mary is a woman who was assigned male at birth so they give you a example of fantasy island they be never mind the penis oh my god

it's really kind of scary because the dictionary and I don't care that we don't use a real day anymore you can go whatever you want to call it you go online whatever but we're now we're It's really kind of scary because the dictionary, and I don't care that we don't use a real day anymore. You can go whatever you want to call it. You go online, whatever. But now we're fucking with things that were, you know, as to say concrete that we've agreed with for thousands of years. And we're just going to fuck it because somebody replaced fact with, you know, fantasy. Rome is burning.

Oh, it is. Oh, fuck it. You shit me. The fucking only thing left is like the fireplace and and and I'd say dickheads fiddling but he did not a bit this is a final story it is ladies and gentlemen World Cup is it almost over Dell it is right I know good for you good for you I go and people are in it because I'm in Georgia I'm in football country and I I know, good for you. Good for you. I go and people are like, because I'm in Georgia, I'm in football country, and I see people, whole generations, I just want to crack them on.

Anyways, penalty kick is the headline. An Iranian soccer player has been sentenced to death. There's one way to get him to perform. After giving up two goals, no, after protesting against the death of Masa Amini, according to Iranwai, that's the woman who wasn't wearing her hijab right and refused to, so they arrested her, the moral police, and she ended up dead in custody, because that's what they do in fucking third century B.C. before whoever, before Kevin McNugget, fucking. century BC before whoever, before Kevin McNugget. Amir Nasser Azadi was arrested in November in relation to killing, I like to get his name in Scrabble.

Who's with me? I just threw that in. That joke doesn't even belong in the show. It's so stupid. Look at this guy. In relation to the killing of a police colonel, he has been accused of waging war against God. God said, I don't even know the

guy, and we'll be hanged. What a fucking... What has he said about the snack bar? That's the old joke now. Amir Nasser Azadani, 26, was arrested in November in relation to the killing of a police colonel and two volunteer militia members. I love these stories that repeat the same thing twice. He has been accused of waging war against God. You already said that, you dumb cunts. And will be hanged, and you already said that. Now I edited, two of them are... I'm getting to the hanging part. But don't worry.

He has FIF Pro, FIF PRO, International Soccer Players Union on his side. So that's great. It's like finding out, you know, you're going to be shot to death over here, but Roger Goodell is going to put in a call. Said in a statement on Monday, well, actually not Goodell, that was a dumb reference, it's the union, on Monday that it was shocked and sickened by the news. This is the soccer union. Well, I'm shocked

and sickened by your sport. Put him to death, you want to do it humanely? Make him watch about 12 hours of his own games, he'll fucking bleed out. We stand in solidarity with the mayor and call for the immediate removal of his punishment, it said. The Ayatollah said back, Go! Go! Go!

Mocking. There have been widespread protests in Iran since the September death. Wait, no! You already told us! 22-year-old bitch who didn't wear a hat straight. After being detained by Morality Police on suspicion of, that's what the Democratic Party

is, Morality Police and Twitter, of breaking the country's strict rules around the head coverings. All this over a silly hat. Think about it. Witnesses accused police officers of forcing her into a van and beating her while they played the best of female circumcisions. I can't do that thing with my head. That's Colin Quinn's line.

When you get in a New York cab, you'd hear that shit on the radio. Fuck it, he goes, yeah, what is this, a best of female? Fucking guys, this is pure genius. Nazar Azadani, last play for Persian Golf Pro League, side tractor. What the fuck does that even mean? What is that? My grandfather had a side tractor, but has not played professionally since his,

well, you're going to kill a fucking AAA player? Since his last appearance in November 2017. According to Iran Wire, he is one of 28 Iranians who have been sentenced to death for their parts in the protests. Okay, and they are in the dark. It's the fucking mullahs. It's about 10 of them.

There are 113. You can't poison these fucks. Among those are three children. Do you hear what I just said? Three children have been sentenced to death who have all been accused of corruption on Earth. We don't mind you fucking around on Mercury and Jupiter. According to the BBC's Persian service, the three children were physically tortured during the detention.

Nice people. Nice religion. On December 8th, Iran conducted its first execution in relation to the protests and um i think one of the soccer announcers had this take a big step back and literally fuck your own face okay i will the guardian reported that mohsen Shekari was executed after being accused of blocking a street and wounding a member of the pro-regime Bazich militia in September. State media published a video of what it said was Shekari's confession, which showed him with bruising on his face.

with bruising on his face. Human rights groups, including the Oslo-based group Iran Human Rights, talk about an oxymoron, have said Shaqiri was tortured and forced to confess. The group's director, Mahmoud Emiri Mokadam, called for a strong international reaction to Sha'Carri's death. Otherwise, we'll be facing daily executions of protesters, he said as he trimmed his goatee. Un-fucking-real. Get with it. Talk about some place that needs a progressive movement. Hey, AOC and the squad, since you're from there, squad, why don't you go over there to a place that really does need

some progressive politics? Get the fuck out of here. We're good. Go help your own shithole. Yeah? Good idea? Okay. That's it, folks.

Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to Family Park. Before I go, I guess I have to tell you where I'm going to be, right? Hey, guys and gals, I'll be back on the road soon here's where you can see me and when January 13th 14th comedy off Broadway Lexington Kentucky February 3rd and 4th the Grove

Comedy Club Lowell Arkansas March 11th and 12th the Comedy Club of KC Kansas City Missouri April 21 and 22 the Funny Bones St. Louis and St. Charles Missouri you can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip. 21 and 22, the Funny Bones, St. Louis, and St. Charles, Missouri. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com and click on the tour button. That is it for the week, right? Thank yous or anything?

I'm confused. That is it. Again, thank you guys for tuning in every day, making the show possible. You guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. See you back here... Monday. Monday? Monday. Monday?

What's today? Thursday. Oh, wait. I'm a day ahead of myself. I'm getting excited. See you back here tomorrow. We'll see you. Two guys. What? It's like Biden getting a briefing. What country am I in?

See you guys for the final day tomorrow. Take care, everybody. Hi. Good night, everybody. I'm free I'm free guitar soloサブタイトル キミノミヤ