The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hateful Hirono Vs. Pistol Pete | Nick Di Paolo Show #1679

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

In this episode Nick talks about Trump’s ERS, Kamala’s Salad Bar, Eagles Fans and more! Like what you hear?  Watch FULL episodes of The Nick Di Paolo Show on Rumble Premium! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow/exclusive MERCH - https://shop.nickdip.com/ TOUR DATES AND MORE - https://nickdip.com 2/20/2025 - Bricktown Comedy Club – Tulsa, OK 2/21/2025 - Funny Bone Westport, St. Louis, MO 3/13/2025 - Hyena’s, Albuquerque, NM 4/25/2025 - Cohoes Music Hall, Cohoes, NY 5/15-16/2025 - Zanies, Rosemont, IL SOCIALS - https://bio.site/nickdipaolo

Music playing Now go home and get your fucking shine box. What's going on folks? Great to be with you. You see me on Jesse? you you blink you didn't This I've seen longest subliminal messages But I'm glad he had me on he's a fucking good dude and Anytime he can get a little Nothing I don't even have time to get the plugs in that's half the reason you do those things

But whatever glad he have me back on Thank God for Lizzo's ass everybody grabbed onto that one literally What what what what why you've been watching those hearings? We'll get to them in a few minutes Let me tell you something what the problem is. Let's start You know how you know how Trump's gonna go after when he starts deporting people, the criminals first. He should do that with Congress. Well, he can't, but I'm saying somebody should do that with Congress and go after the women first, women Democrats, I should say. They are the fucking problem. Liz Warren, that Arono, I call her when people see her come and they go, her, oh no.

She's ugly, she's mean, pretty sure she's a dyke, she slurs her words. Cuckoo, all these women, Elizabeth Warren, again, all ugly as tree stumps. And I don't think that's a coincidence where their anger comes from, you know, my theory. Just going after Hegsats like old ladies and just everything about sexual harassment, this, that, and the other thing. And somebody should say, you know, we're trying to nominate the secretary of defense, not the pope. Shut up. One of the Republicans, we'll get to this in the show a little later, one of the Republicans who was obviously a big fan of Hegseth saw all that shit and just asked questions like this.

I think his name was Sheehy from Wyoming or Montana. Pete, Mr. Hegseth, what kind of caliber bullet use in an M4? How many people enlisted in the Marines how many in the Navy how many in the air of course he had all the numbers down how many push-ups can you do Hague Seth goes I did four five sets of 47 this morning which I'm sure he did the guys a great job you know 47th has 47 president huh I picked I bet you that went over their heads so it was beautiful he just and then he looked at 47th as 47 president. Huh? I picked that one over the head still.

It was beautiful. He just and then he looked at those witches and and guys like Tim Kaine trying to question this guy's morality and like I said yesterday, if you take if you're already taking bullets for me, you know what? He should be automatic. How about that automatically the You could let some of this shit slide, but it's all they have oh My god Anyways, and and then that Republican guy that asked easy questions before he was done

He looked at the women in and Tim Cain and goes because they accused Pete Hegseth of coming to work drunk at Fox They brought up all this shit. There's never been because they accused Pete Hegseth of coming to work drunk at Fox. They brought up all this shit that's never been confirmed by anybody. And he goes to the senators and congresswomen. Let me ask you a question. You know anybody here who's come to come to the vote at night drunk here in D.C.? Yeah, you do. Do you know any senators or governors who have cheated

congressmen, have cheated on their spouses? Yeah, you do. It's that simple. If you could get the fucking left off their moral high hook, which is hilarious. They're the most immoral people there are. Tim Kaine questioning the s- you know, the sexual, uh, actions of Pete Hegseth when he's best friends with Bill Clinton for the last 40 years? Suck a dick and die, scumbag. Sorry, strong language. Oh, I'll save the rest for later. I heard Blomenthal this morning question of Pam Bondi, who's

the attorney going to be the attorney general, hopefully. Oh my god, did she let him have it double barrels? What else? What did I do last night? Bruins game, excellent. Playing Tampa Bay. They played them last week. It ended in a fight right at the buzzer. Tampa Bay kind of beat up on the Broin's pretty good. But one of their guys cross-checked our tough guy in the face right at the end of the game and all hell broke loose. And so I was sitting down last

night like a kid going, oh, let's see how long it takes to come out. Guy's name is Lilleberger or something. First period, nothing. Very chippy though. Dirty, lot of dirty play, vicious checks. Second period, watching the puck, all of a sudden you hear the crowd going, ah, I'm like, pan the camera to the fight.

Sure enough, Trent Frederick, who's a Bruins tough guy, you wouldn't know it, he's got a baby face. He made his name by beating up Tom Wilson, his second game in the league. Tom Wilson's the baddest ass in hockey. I don't give a fuck. He's been suspended multiple times for cheap shots. He can fight like a money. He's handsome. The type of guy you fucking hate. Trent Frederick, fucking whip them like fucking the second game of the Bruins or whatever. Anyways, I know you guys don't care about it.

I just love hockey fights. It's a very Boston thing. Sure enough, they cut the camera. Both guys throw their gloves off. They're like this for about two minutes. They're pulling up their elbow pads. And Trent Frederick just unloaded on this motherfucker. I mean, he's just a, they're talking about getting rid of Frederick

because he hasn't been scoring much. Got to keep him. Got to keep. I've yet to see anybody even come lay a finger on him. He lost one fight, I think. What a bad, and I got to hand credit to the, this is why I love hockey. You got to hand credit to the Tampa Bay guy

who said, yeah, I, you know, I know this is coming. Let's fucking do it. He didn't run from it. He fucking welcomed it. There's no other it. He didn't run from it. He fucking welcomed it There's no other sport with you that type of shit goes. It's so fucking fun I'm 12 years old at heart. You know that Anyways that was good and That's it I guess I had other shit I can't

Again woke up at 535 this morning for no fucking reason whatsoever. Other than the prostitute slam the door on the way out. Now listen. Did I bring up Jesse? Yeah, I did. Why would you bring that up again? Let's get to it. Thinking outside the box, President-elect Trump announced Tuesday, listen to this, this is why you got to love this guy and the people he's surrounded himself with. He will, he announced he's going to create an external as opposed to internal revenue service, external revenue office upon his return to the White House that will collect all foreign sourced revenues such as tariffs.

That's a good idea instead of don't shit piece mail and you have 19 agencies He says for far too long we have relied on taxing our great people using the IRS Through soft and pathetically weak trade agreements the American economy has delivered growth and prosperity to the world while taxing ourselves Try arguing with that you bunch of lefty cock-a-poopoos. I'll clean it up. Yes, sir.

He says, I am today announcing that I will create the External Revenue Service, ERS. Oh, ERS. I thought of servicers. To collect our tariffs, duties, and all revenue that come from foreign sources. Tariff collection currently falls under the authority of what? U.S. Customs and Border Protection. CB- Really? Don't they got enough to do? Which is part of the Department of Homeland Security. We all know how great that's going, my orchid. But Brian Riley,

seen here, doing the imitation of the Gorton's fisherman. But Brian Riley from the National Taxpayers Union pointed out that the federal government collects duties from US importers, raising questions about how the proposed agency would even work. Of course, somebody had to smarten up. Alternatively, economist E.J. Anthony, a guy who apparently

works underground in a cave, hasn't seen sun in 44 years, of the Heritage Foundation told that, that's a right-wing think tank, told the Post that I really, really love this idea. So take it easy. Anything that gets us away from income taxes and towards tariffs is a great idea. See, a lot of people on the left are like, this tariff thing is going to hurt the economy. And Biden's out there before he leaves telling everybody

he's left the greater economy. Oh my god, I'm getting chills. Added Anthony saying that the ERS will likely come about through transformation of a current agency, which is smart, too. And then you get Doge. Don't forget Elon Musk and my boy Vivek, they're going to take a chainsaw to a lot of this shit.

This boy is great. That's how I could go. He hasn't even got to office yet. And he's already come up with like three things that douchebag, meaning Kamala and the old man could never think of in a million friggin years he picture biden coming up with that or or anybody that works in a ministry no they're too busy looking for racism and sexual harassment and uh marginalized marginalized groups all that's been undone again i i said this yesterday and and i i feel for those people

that lost everything and shit, except the people like DiCaprio, who jumps in his private plane and fucking flies away and still saying it's climate change. Fucking people. But all this between New Orleans exposing the incompetence of the DEI hires, it's almost like God. I'm nervous about Trump. Again, I'm nervous about his safety, even at the inauguration.

Anyways, let's stay on dumb-dumb that I just brought up. Salad bar is open. You know what that means. Vice President Kamala Harris served up some of her trademark word word salad Monday she should change your last name to Romaine my what other lettuce are there bib iceberg that's the one I would that's the one my mother was trying to sneak in and I'd get mad I said I'm a Romaine guy thought my father slapped me once my

mother goes you want salad I go what kind of lettuce? I didn't finish the word lettuce. My father went, he reached up, bang! And then we had company. My sister's father-in-law was laughing his balls off. Mr. Bevin, he goes, she deserved that. Monday, during a White House briefing on the devastating LA wildfires, Vice President Harris 60 urged Southern... they throw in her age there. Who gives a fuck? Her pussy's 160. Harris 60 urged Southern California residents displaced by

widespread evacuation orders to remain patient. That's what you want to do when your dog's on fire. As first responders work to ensure neighborhoods are safe to reenter. However, several ex-users noted that it took the vice president far more words, that would be the salad, than necessary to express her point. Be patient means the same thing, this is what somebody posted, but listen to this word, salad, somebody tweeted. Listen to her, instead of just saying be patient, this is what people who do, who try to be intelligent, it's like a lot of athletes who use the word basically,

they'll throw them basically to sound intelligent, basically what we did, basically we ran a, well basically I did you. I learned that from, I'm a real literalist, I call it, words either mean something or they don't. Listen to her, again, this reminds me of me taking a high school essay test and trying to fill it in with bullshit. Roll it. This work is still very much in progress,

and so it's critically important that to the extent you can find, anything that gives you an ability to be patient in this extremely dangerous and unprecedented crisis by the way. It's, that was, and Biden started at first, he was explaining what it looked like in LA. Like a war zone. Houses upon houses destroyed.

And then there'd be one that had nice green lawn. It reminded me of like World War two The Revolutionary which is the one I fought in the Civil Rights War and then the war of the Indians in 1850 against the French and the Chinese and Shit was burnt and then it'd be a nice lawn and it was very sporadic and she had to cut in with her fucking croutons and dressing. And fuck. It was like watching a visiting angel trying to clean up shit after the old man cocked at himself.

Oh my god, how in God's name? And I'll say it again and again. Trump won the last election, too. That's all I'm gonna say. Just based on the numbers you got this time. Even if he didn't get shot and all the... didn't get... I'm telling you. I don't get... we're bringing that up later in the show because there was some questioning today by the jerk off I told you from Connecticut. Anyways, let's change it up a little bit. Let's bring in some sports. This is why I started, I stopped going to live sporting events about 30 years ago. Because guys like this would be sitting next to me and whatever.

I'd rather lay in a couch with an 88 inch screen TV, fucking shot in 11K. I mean, fuck it, I'm getting Ray Lewis's blood on me after a tackle. That's why I don't need to go to the fucking game Philly fans. I got to tell you. I love you Philly. You're a great comedy town But love sports brings out the fucking worse than you pay you why I shouldn't say that because Boston is pretty edgy too But you guys always Look you set the mark when you pelted Santa Claus with ice balls in the 70s at Veterans Stadium. That thing was shown on NFL films for 100 years.

Santa Claus getting drilled with 100 ice balls. That made me laugh. Since then, there's been a thousand incidents. And not just Philly. I understand that. But you guys, you guys really take your shit seriously Isn't the Liberty Bell enough a rocky Balboa Anyways, they had lied to this and you might have seen it. It's probably one viral shit head canned

This past weekend an Eagles fan involved in now infamous viral video that showed him hurling vulgar insults at a female Packers fan has been sacked from his job. Whoever wrote this, this is the United States. You get fired. You're not in the fucking UK. You don't get sacked. The elevator's not a lift. The tunnel's not a fucking tube.

And french fries aren on fucking chips! He gets sacked from... does that make you feel cultured you dinkweed? I hate you. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You assholes. BCT partners a DEI focused management consultant firm based in oh DEI no wonder why their response to this was so politically correct I didn't even realize DEI based management consulting firm oh it's in East Brunswick New Jersey I know right with it uh I almost got a ticket drunk on the turnpike coming home from a gig after I did coffee shots on stage. Still remember it.

Black cop pulled me over. Not far from East Rutland, I don't think. And I told you, it was a Jersey turnpike. It was at night. Black cop, he's got a dip in like he's a redneck sheriff. And luckily, he couldn't stand on the driver's side because the traffic was right there. So I put down my passenger window. Otherwise I would have knocked him out with my breath.

I was on stage and some guy handed me coffee Patron. Coffee flavored tequila. It was like eating a booby. Oh my God. Did about six shots. I could have been, honestly god, I swear to god, that and I put my lights on. This is what you should do at night, black guys. Put your dome lights on, put your hands where they can see them and they're a lot nicer to you. Don't go, what's up, motherfucker? I ain't do nothing. I ain't do nothing. Basin East Brunswick announced the firing in a statement Tuesday night that they had concluded their internal investigation and decided to park company with the employee, which is the guy you're about to see at the Phillies Packers game in Philly and boy, what a jack-off this guy is and I allow a lot of shit. It's because I understand sports and we had a kid named Brian Duggan who I played football with.

He's a year older than me. Tough fucking kid. Oh, he's got arrested for fighting with cops and shit. Just and a good football player. He's a fucking tough kid. Anyways, one infamous night, a Monday night game, Jets Patriots, a brawl broke out. To this day that they changed rules about they shut down beer sales after the third quarter Because of this game it was in the New York Times Because the guy had a heart attack and a cop was trying to give the guy CPR and then one of the fans was pissing on the cop How's that Dallas for drinking and in that same day the picture I think it was the New York Times

And in that same game, the picture, I think it was the New York Times, excuse me, the picture of the Times or the Boston Globe was a guy like this had another guy in it, Brian Duggan. Can I play with him? Oh, that made me laugh. Anyhow, here's a Philly fan just really getting out of line. After reviewing the play, the runner was short of the goal line. Short of the goal line.

Touchdown. They got one more yard though. They're close. Yeah, but they're not in. They're not in touchdown. So you don't f***ing drop f***ing in the air. Okay, well... Pause. He calls the girl a dumbass at first, and then he goes after the boyfriend. Yeah, but it's not a touchdown. You don't jerk off or something before the whatever the f***. You don't put your hand up in the air.

Yeah, you don't put your hands up in the air. Can you imagine his focuses on a young girl? This drunken... he looks like he's my age. Go ahead. Don't, don't, don't... Don't f***. on a young girl this drunken he looks like he's my age he goes she's an ugly dumb now that's all right in a comedy club but I'm on stage not at a football gamma can you imagine fucking saying that to a young girl and now I know people that are the boyfriend's a pussy did doing First of all, he's outnumbered. We've seen how this could end, right?

He did the right thing because you're gonna get arrested, you know zero tolerance So they arrest everybody the victim and whoever the fuck so he did the right thing And go ahead play some He goes so you're not gonna do anything then shut the fuck up. What a fuck. Can you imagine? And like I said, you got to hold your tongue there or you're going to get in a brawl. And I said there's ways of doing it. You just go, okay, the game's over.

You let them go first. And you kind of get behind them a couple people behind them this is when you're young and really like the Eagles then you dry gulp them as they used to say what it anyways this guy while they did not refer to the employee by name the disgraced Eagle fan identity was confirmed to the New York Post to be Ryan Caldwell. He's since been banned by this looks like every he's been banned from the stadium.

In the exchange caught on video Caldwell called Ali Keller a dumb seed during Sunday's NFC wild card game between the Eagles and the Packers at Lincoln Field. BCT partners that's the DEI based firm, condemned Caldwell's actions without condemning the individual. In keeping with our company values, which are firmly centered on respect, this was so PC, I almost started pulling for the guy. Sent on respect, dignity, and inclusion. Well, he included women in it.

What are you gonna? We have decided to park company with the employee. And it went on to say all kinds of politically correct crap. Oh, my God. Anyways, that guy's done. Imagine you're at a game, you get drunk, caught on video, and now you're out of a job. I would say it sort of fits the crime. Anyways, before I go any further, ladies and gentlemen, tour dates. Nickdip.com, click on it. February 20th, Brick Town Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

The next night, February 21st, Funny Bones, St. Louis, Missouri. And then March 13th at Hyena's Albuquerque, New Mexico. Never been there. Looking forward to it. April 25th,ho's musical coho's new york and there's going to be more may fifteen and six already talking about may dell may fifteen and say in a creepy and we're going to long ways with

uh... may fifteen and sixteen zanies rosemont illinois and uh... go to nick dip dot com if you want to support the show by the way go to my site get some merchandise we have a lot of new stuff we got the Nick DiPaolo hats hoodies mug t-shirts Nick DiPaolo these are new butt plugs nipple clamps designed by my grandmother back in Italy. She used to crush wine with these things. Crush wine or grapes? Anyway, so grab all that stuff. Mug hoodie, t-shirt, baseball, whatever, go to Nick Dipton. If you're watching the free version of this show, you can watch the... you can watch full episodes,

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I don't feel good. Hi. Good night everybody! Wow Thanks for watching!