The Nick DiPaolo Show - Heche Makes Waste | Nick Di Paolo Show #1253

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

China practices wargames "against" US. Death rates "boost". Anne Heche somehow survives. Adams' Big Apple. Vincent, AL fires all police. IRS an armed force.

🎵 I'd play the actual music, but I'm sure that would get flagged. I'll tell you. Great to be here. Great show tonight. Great show. Got some great guests. The very sexy Connie Stevens and the very equally as sexy Lee Majors and, of course, the fag singer Johnny Mathis.

Yes. All righty, then. majors, and of course the fag singer Johnny Mathis. Yeah. Alrighty then. What is going on? Real quick. Red Sox at a low point. I've never seen anything like it. Lose three out of four to Kansas City. Oh my God. I've never seen a team implode like this. At least a Boston

Red Sox team. Anyways, it doesn't matter. Imagine the Orioles ahead of us, folks. Let that sink in. Louis C.K., the movie I did. Fourth of July that I was in with Louis C.K. wrote it and Joe List wrote it. It's been a huge

hit on a limited release across the country. It's now available, as of I think yesterday, on Louis' website, louisck.com. Fourth of July. Got a great review today from Hollywood in Toto,

it's called,.com, saying it's one of the best pictures of 2022. I'm telling you, Joe List, my buddy, the guy I take credit for discovering, that used to open P as a kid, he cleaned his act up, and he's a good guy. And I honestly believe that good things happen to good people.

I know it sounds kind of corny, but like Ray Romano is as nice a guy as I've ever met. And Gary Busey is an exception. Real asshole that he still became. No, I'm kidding. But I'm just saying uh it's it's a it's a you know you're gonna read a ton of negative stuff about it because those people that are writing negative shit they're part of the left-wing narrative they hate louis

because of the whole hashtag me too thing they thought they thought he got away with murder and so before they even see the movie they write the the fucking review, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the people who are honest and put that aside and adults, which aren't many more. Anyway, let's go to the Saudis. I'm just saying, watch it on LouisCK.com. Watch yours truly be the bully uncle waving a bottle of whiskey under his nephew's nose who's sober. Real quick, they passed a bill. I'll talk about it tomorrow. $750 billion with a B. You know, some of the Dems are calling it a health care. Other people are calling it a climate change bill.

So that means, you know what? It's, oh, the Inflation Reduction Act? Unless I'm confusing my bills. Which is exactly the opposite. When you spend that money. We're already in a hole. It's fucking, I can't believe what we're witnessing here. What happened to Joe Manchin? Remember he was holding it up?

Again, that's all theater. And we keep falling for it. That's all theater. It's fucking rigged. This country is on its way to socialism, whatever you want to call it, communism, at 300 miles an hour, and nobody's going to fucking stop it. Insane. Spending money we don't even have. It's your tax money, by the way, spend the money we don't even have. It's your tax money, by the way. Under the guise of green, saving the planet.

Are you sucking my ass? They were always the craziest, the environmentalists. They would get violent quicker than anybody, you know, under the guise of, they're like hippies. Anyways, we'll talk about that tomorrow because I couldn't stomach it. I was too angry. Pissing me off. Anyhow,

what else happened? A lot of big stuff. By the way, folks, this show is entirely supported by you, the listeners. Thank you to those who joined at patreon.com and who made contributions.

You can contribute at nickdip.com and I'll read your name on the show. You'll become a superstar. Yes, you will. Places like Alabama and Tennessee. You know, kids. All right, let's get to the, let's get to the,

near the beginning of this past weekend after Nancy Pelosi, who kept warning us how Trump was going to get us into World War III before he even took office, now this leathery nipple dummy, when is she going to go away? My God. You can stay that healthy? You can go to 82 living on ice cream and bird shit?

China boasted it has rehearsed sinking U.S. aircraft carriers using hypersonic missiles as part of a massive war games amid simmering tensions over Taiwan. Again, this all triggered by Pelosi going over there to do some window shopping. We got nothing out of it. What came of it? You're everything you said Trump was, you stupid bitch. And leave that in. Of course leave it in.

You're on the internet. What's the matter with you? Beijing's state-controlled media bragged recent missile launches were squarely aimed at hitting any foreign aircraft carriers that could, I wonder who they were talking about, that could interfere with a reunification by force operation. They put out a little trailer that looked like, you know, the next blockbuster Hollywood, the, you know, modern day version of Saving Private Shing-Flang. Here it is. Check it out. They're letting you know they're ready to go. There was some really horrible music that was distorted,

so I'll provide it for you. Bing, dingy, ding, bing, dong, dong, dong. Bing, ding, ding, dong, dong, ding. Bing, ding, ding, bing, dong, dong, ding. Boing, ding, ding, bing, dong, ding. Ba, ba, ba, ba. Saving Private Lyon. Oh, Nick, all the Chinese jokes.

I know, people love them. What the hell was that? Get me one of those hats. I need one of those when I'm having sex to let my wife know when I'm done. Just the blue smoke. Apparently, they're electing a new pope in China. What was that? I guess that's to let you know where you are, right?

It's one of those signal smokes. They just built it into the helmet instead of throwing it. Do you have those? What are they signaling? None of the helmets. It's location. Oh, that's a good idea. Look for the blue smoke.

That's how helicopters or planes don't hit the wrong people. Yeah, that's great. And it also lets me blue smoke. That way helicopters or planes don't hit the wrong people. Yeah, no, that's great. And it also lets me know where you are if I'm shooting at you. Smoke signals. What are we fighting, the Cherokees? Give me a break. Do you want to go to war? Come on.

Do you want to go to war? I think they do. Okay. Tony. I think they... Oh, Kanye. China has been left furious. Now you know what it's like to be furious at Pelosi,

after senior U.S. politician Nancy Pelosi, the third in line to the presidency. Let that sink in. How about the fact she's been there 70 years and she never made it? She's got the hands of Robert Parrish. Look at that. She could fucking palm two basketballs.

Third in line for the presidency visited the autonomous island earlier. That would be Taiwan. This week in what Beijing views as a provocation. I kill you. I kill you right now. Kiss my grits. I'm right here. Kill me.

I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Like a smoothie. I can't. I'm shopping in Taipei with my... Xi Jinping's regime views any engagement between Washington and Taipei

as a United States endorsement of Taiwan's independence. Good, I'm glad you're picking up on the signal. But it was so insane to go over there right now Do you understand we're already tangled up in the Ukrainian war which again we did on purpose for God knows what reasons You know now we're poking the poke on the tiger or the snake or whatever but in increasingly belligerent China claims the island belongs to them and has vowed to retake Taiwan by 2050. And I think the collective United States answer is, Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! That was actually Blinken, the Secretary of State. They promised to take it by 2050. Oh, my God. That's 28 years from now. What do I care? 28, I'm sick. Oh, wait a minute.

No, I'll be around. If I stop eating Triscuits at night. I'll be drooling in a bed, and I'll be cleaning up your bedpan. Let's hope so. Warships, warplanes, and missiles have all been moved towards the island for the massive Chinese war games, which in effect blockaded Taiwan. Beijing state-run media bragged the drills showed how China could attack the island by first on, with no miss though.

I mean, you're right there. What is this, news? By first unleashing a wave of rocket strikes across the Taiwan Strait. We said on the 91st, who has it in his hands? Put your yen where your mouth is. And it then boasted missile launches,

showed how the communist forces could also strike. And don't forget, folks, we're selling oil to them. Do you understand? I don't even, this is, because, again, the 10 people at the top. It's going beautifully for them. Anyways, communist forces could also strike any foreign aircraft carriers that may attempt to intervene from the Philippine Sea.

So that's a warning, obviously, to countries like Canada and Ireland. Hypersonic missiles such as the DF-17, ooh, that's a good one, could be used, it claimed, to hit moving targets at sea. Well, what else? What do you think, we're coming over on a raft? A kayak? Oh, those move too. We will not be deterred from operating in the seas and the skies of the West and Pacific

consistent with international law as we have for decades supporting Taiwan and defending a free and open Indo-Pacific, said spokesman John Kirby. You need to shut the fuck up. Yeah, you do right now. Okay? Can we get the adults back in the room before we all die? Okay? Can we get the adults back in the room before we all die?

And by adults, I mean Trump and his supporters. The drills are expected to last until tomorrow as the tensions continue to simmer between China and the United States. And Pelosi made a real ass of herself. But, you know, she looks powerful and strong. If you understand, she looks powerful and strong. You understand? She did that on purpose. It's all set up. They got the script. Xi Ping's on the phone going,

now, Nancy, you come over here now. You land in Taiwan on Tuesday. We pretend to be mad. You'll make a thing. We put up a movie. Say we kill you. That's what's going on. I'm not bullshitting you. It's all a game. I would quit following this shit and enjoy my life, but I can't because the little money I make, I need. Freaking bathroom still be, I don't know what my wife's doing. We got a vomitorium in there,

like the Romans had. It's unbelievable. Baudets, we have two Bo-days with 150 Blacks Max Mercury engines on? Yeah, exactly. Going to break my neck on the ceiling. I've been waking up, what, for two years now. Just once I come out my underwear without greeting a plumber. How are you? Hair's all sticking up. I'm sure it'll be nice.

Again, I have nothing to do with it. I'm the worst husband there ever was. I go, I to do with it. I'm the worst husband there ever was. I go, I'll pay for it. I don't want to talk to anybody. And that's what I do. It's almost enough for me to go back on the road. Let's move on, shall we, to some more lying, because that's all they do to us folks, the elites,

whether it's your government, whoever, lies to us, the CDC, World World Health Organization this is an interesting story they stumbled upon death rates boosted boosted in quote United States life insurance companies have said that deaths get this have an unexplainable increase by 40 percent in ages 18 to 49 years old they say bye bye what do you mean unexplainable i'll explain it to you it's called a booster it's called get the shot jab vaccine unexplainable it's very explainable only thing is nobody will explain it. They saw 300% increase. These are the insurance companies now. 300% increase in cancer patients over the past year from around 36,000 new cancer patients

to over 120,000 in this country, okay? Are you interested in the real story? Oh, I am. Look at me. The data from the insurance companies has been confirmed by three military doctors. Oh, thunder. Who are now being hailed as whistleblowers. Got this lady here, Dr. Kelly Victory. I mean, how can you argue with a Kelly Victory? She's a winner.

Yeah, exactly. But then the left put on a doctor right after this, Joseph Loser. And let me tell you, I like a doctor who has a skull on her... What better way to... Look it, she's got a spine. Either that or that's fresh papardelle

what's the thing on the left a drone or a bug or oh it's a fish all right i don't know what this broad's into but i like the meter anyways uh here's dr uh uh kelly victory talking about the insurance numbers pandemic so they looked at 2016, 19, and 20 at the prevalence of certain conditions, including things like heart attack, blood clots to the lung, miscarriages, those sorts of things. And they compared it to the incidence of those same things in the calendar year 2021 and saw an alarming increase in certain things. For example, they saw a 270% increase in myocardial infarction in 2021, a 300% increase in incidents of Bell's palsy and of certain neurologic complaints, a 470% increase in pulmonary embolisms, blood clots to the lungs, and many, many other huge increases.

Fuck Joe Biden! Fuck Joe Biden! Fels Paltry. My father woke up with that one day. You know, he was in his late 70s. Oh, my God. I was on the phone. He goes, come over here. He goes, I look like a, he said, look like an 80-year-old Jewish accountant.

I get over there. Why a Jewish, I don't know, Dad. But he did. He's joking about it. And that's weird. I hope I get it, because I want to... I'm auditioning for a Rocky movie.

They're going to do a... I'm going to get a meal at a male party. At a male party. At my house. Yeah, so all those and those are from insurance companies putting out those numbers and they're very easy to verify. But again,

nothing to see here, folks. Nothing to see here. Just, you know, they weren't saying 12% increase, 18, 20. You notice all the statistics, whether it's crime, a price of steak, it's all like 300% increase. There's no little numbers out there.

That is not good. But you know what? And again, I get friends who have been vaccinated and stuff. You know, my sister, because she, her daughter just had a baby, you know, a couple of years ago in europe and belgium she's got to go back and forth and you can't go there unless you're you know and uh me being a good uncle i go fuck that i'll see the kid when he's 31 if i'm still around ain't getting no sharp and nobody it's in fact it's affecting sports too, in Canada with their authoritarian homosexual, this baseball play.

Somebody's just about to sign a big contract that Toronto picked up at the break, and he's not vaccinated. So that makes a, but I think he said he's going to, which is so stupid. Because a month from now, he's going to be on deck swinging the bat and drop dead. We're all going to belly laugh. Now we need a pinch hitter. Jose Margulies just went down on one knee and started spitting blood. Was he vaccinated, Bill? Yeah, a couple days ago. But don't worry about it. Starting in September, I-19 will be playing bingo, will be bringing my sunny disposition and sparkling personality to Pennsylvania, where

in New York and New Jersey, because you all have sparkling and, you know, you're all upbeat people, too. And Florida. We're adding new dates all the time. And Tommy, I don't want to work like a fucking horse from September to the end of the year, OK? OK. Because that's blood money, Tommy.

You sit home and you collect it while I sleep in shitty hotels, unless you're going to come out with me. If you want to get notified when I'm coming to your area, you can track me at bandsintown.com. In the meantime, here are the dates I have. Friday, September 9th, I'm meeting a big-titted blonde downtown Savannah at the Chuckle Hut. Oh, I'm not kidding. I get TMJ. That happened this weekend, just chewing. Friday, September 9th, Soul Joel's Comedy Club, Royersford, Pennsylvania.

Saturday, September 10th, Algonquin Arts Theater, Manisquan, New Jersey. Sunday, September 11th, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center, Chester, New York. Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club, West Palm Beach, Florida. Sunday, November 13th, Sidesplitters Comedy Club, Tampa, Florida. And at that Tampa show, I'm going to be doing a live Q&A after the show with VIP ticket holders. So grab those before they're gone. You can get tickets to all those shows at nickdip.com. Okay? Okay.

Headline, Anne Howe. Or Anne Howe. Actress Anne Heche. You remember her. Crazy Batch. Dated Ellen DeGeneres. But I think it was the, who, I don't think it was her. It was Portia Rossi.

Who's the one when, no, it might have been Heche. Back in the late 90s or the 2000s when she broke up with Ellen DeGeneres. One of them went knocking on doors like strangers' houses all fucked up. And I gave Chris Rock the best joke. I was writing for his show on HBO, as usual, providing some great monologue jokes. And yeah, she went nuts. She got arrested and whatever. And I said to Chris, I could hear his voice in my head. That's when you know you get a good joke for whoever you're writing for. I could hear him saying that. So he's like, yeah.

I don't even know if it was Anne. I'm pretty sure it was Anne Heche. Just fill in the lesbian. It doesn't matter. But he's like, Anne Heche, an elegant gentleman, has broke up. And Anne Heche was, I don't know why I sound like Red Fox. You big dummy. Anne Heche, I lost my mind, was banging on doors and shit,

which proves this one thing, whether you're a man or you're a woman, lack of pussy make you crazy. Actress Anne Heche was left severely burned after her car was engulfed in flames following a single car crash in Los Angeles. That has to stink. I'll tell you. I touched the stove this weekend. Oh, stop, oh, stop.

With the tip of my dick. That's another story. H-53 was driving her Mini Cooper, oh God, how do you survive anything in a Mini Cooper? Through a Mar Vista apartment complex around noon when she crashed into a garage. I like how they call it single car crash. They're like, oh, this can't be that bad. Then you read on. I almost fell off the couch. Bystanders tried to get the Donnie Brasco. Wow, that's when you know your career's kind of slowed down.

Jesus Christ. you know your career's kind of slowed down. Jesus Christ. And it's kind of cold when somebody's almost dead. That's how you... The Gone With the Wind actress. Donnie Brasco. She was very good. Brasco?

How about Brasco, Nick? I met the real Donnie Brasco on my radio show in New York. Joe, whatever, interviewed him. Can you imagine going that deep into the mob? Joe Pistone. Anyways, bystanders tried to get the Donnie Brasco actress out of the vehicle, but then they realized it was the Donnie Brasco actress. They said, I didn't like that movie.

Leave her. But she backed up, drove off, and drove into a home because hitting an apartment complex is boring. Igniting a serious fire, the outlet said. This is some crazy, watch how, is this the, oh, here's some pictures. This is the first little video they roll into the actual driveway. Look, that's the house and her car, by the way, right?

Yeah. The aftermath. Comagity by the way, right? Yeah. The aftermath. Comagity beeps the horn, I'm here! Fucking flames coming out of her. Let's take a look at the, watch out, is this the one she's going so fast? Watch how fast she's going. She was all hammered. Did you see how fast she was going?

Do you hear sirens? That's out here? Isn't that odd? That's weird. Apparently that was a loud car wreck. Anyhow, they found an empty vodka bottle. She was on a podcast, what, the same day or earlier in the day or the day before, talking about drinking vodka with wine chasers or something like that.

And she had another, a few years ago, did almost the same shit. But, I mean, she's going 100 through her neighborhood. She's a lot, again, I can't believe she's a, Hayes was pulled from the wreckage by first responders wearing charred clothes. She had charred clothes and apparently tried to wiggle out of her gurney. Oh, man. According to... But how is she not...

According to aerial footage obtained by the site, she was hooked up to a breathing machines and in critical condition at a hospital but was expected to live. Man, that is... I don't understand. And there was a picture of her back. I don't think we have it here. Her, like, bare back.

It didn't look burned. I mean, it looked, I don't know. But she's hooked up to a VCR from 1998. Hesh was driving at such a high rate of speed that a Mini Cooper was lodged 30 feet inside the house that she hit. And she just got out on fire and said, Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Anybody there?

There was one occupant in a different part of the house who was not injured, according to officials. Yeah, the lady was in, like, the living room. Was it her dog or with her kid? I forget. I think her kid. And they just happened to move into another room, like, a minute before that happened. And, of course, in the articles I read, two of them mentioned, as you know, she had drug and drinking problems. She said she was molested by her, which is probably true true i'm not making light of it i'm just saying uh she was molested

uh well they're saying it's why she drinks and drives and she was molested by her dad from a toddler to age 12 or whatever and it created all the whatever i'm just saying uh a lot of people been diddled by uh their uncles and never drank a bottle of vodka and put both feet on the gas. Went through a school zone 190. Maybe they have. My uncle didn't bother me. I shook it off. I walked it off. I walked it off like getting hit by a pitch. I rubbed dirt on my dick. There you go. Wow. I'm just shocked that she survived that. And a little disappointed.

No. Folks, that was a joke. She's a very, very talented actress. Anybody can act, by the way. Well, Dallas doesn't seem to think so, but I guess she didn't see Donnie Brasco. She was terrific. Had like three lines.

I don't know, but I'll tell you something. Ellen DeGeneres has good taste in pussy. Because she was pretty cute when she was young. And you know, Portia Rossi. You know what I'm saying? That means, I don't know what that meant. Fucking arthritis. Let's move on to Adams Big Apple. How'd you like that one? Adam's Apple, as in Mayor

Adams, Big Apple, New York. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So enjoy. This is what's going on in New York City. In this, you talk about a hypocrite and even border... What did I say? I've been predicting this for about a month now or two. I came up with this maybe even two months ago. I texted Gutfeld, and he thought... He said a great point.

I said, by the time all these people that are pouring in get settled, they're going to look around and go, the crime rate is like where I just came from. All hell. You can't do this to a society. You understand we're committing suicide in the United States by replacing the population. That's racist. No, it isn't. It can't handle it.

They're all going to jump on welfare and all these social safety nets, and that's going to collapse. That's what it's designed to do. It's all fucking planned. I can't say it again. Anyways, the crime's so bad, even border crossers are too scared of the crime-ridden Big Apple. Can you imagine? It's happening. What I predicted is actually happening. They get off the bus, and then they say this in Spanish. And they go, uh, can we go back? Mayor Adams tried to greet the latest busload of migrants to get shipped in from Texas. Abbott is a, I don't trust Abbott. He's a rhino. He said something about Trump that really irritated me. It was

very telling. I don't remember what it was, but I do like him for this, at least this much. He's like, really? You want to experience some of the shit we're experiencing? All you sanctuary cities who talk a good game about helping people, and they're just immigrants who want to work. Okay, here's a taste. Shipped from Texas early Sunday. He greeted them, but was horrified to find out the vast majority had

already skipped, admitting it was likely through fear of the city. What does that say, Mr. Mayor, about the job you're doing? You haven't done squat. Real disappointment. You did go to the gala, though. We were led to believe about 40 people, this is the mayor talking, should have been on that bus. Only 14 got off, said Adams. the mayor talking, should have been on that bus. Only 14 got off, said Adams. Then he said, must have went through the Bronx. No. Whom the Post caught having heated words with an organizer during the alarming, unexpected 7 a.m. no-show at Midtown's Port Authority bus terminal.

What? Oh, yeah. Port Authority bus terminal. What? Oh, yeah. So check out this video of your country being destroyed before your eyes. Go ahead, call me a fucking racist.

I wear it like a badge of honor. Check out... And at the end of this clip, they start chanting about unions. You're watching it happen right before your eyes. Marxism being ushered in on buses into New York City, of all places. Yeah, it's a sanctuary city.

So take them in and shut the fuck up. Feed them, clothe them, do what you got to do. I know the taxpayers are going to pay. Well, you don't care. It's no skin up your back. Mayor Adams, you won't have to deal with these people. They'll be up in Westchester ruining beautiful neighborhoods. Go ahead.

What? Pause. What? I can't hear you, stupid. You got a mask on. Why is that? You dope. What? It's not bad enough there's a language barrier. He's saying,

see the UPS post office? This is how we got Biden elected. So you take care of these people around Christmas time. You tip them nice, huh? A fucking mask on.

What's there a pandemic I should know about? Oh my fucking word. Go ahead. Yay. The mayor suggested that the most likely reason was that because of the fear that something was going to happen to them if they came to this location. Was it that really? Oh, they heard it's such a shithole. They might be stabbed by one of their cousins. They owed money from the old country. Anyways, and we are concerned about that because we don't want people being dropped off just anywhere.

He said as the handful who did get off, including young kids, were processed and then let out to cabs. What? To where? What are you... Yeah, Detroit. Set the timer. What are you... What? Where are you sending them? We have a little shelter downtown. Oh, do you?

Here are the Marxist third world shitholes showing up. Welcome, here we are. Government power. Union power. Government power. Union power. Union power. Welcome here.

Government power. Union power. Fucking people are so ignorant. You just came from a, probably a third world shithole where union power, which translated to dictatorship eventually, it's a worker's paradise. They're already chanting. They haven't been on the ground for four minutes. What a shame. What a shame you're watching your country be deboweled.

Is that a word? He later complained about the lack of information. This is Mayor Adams of New York complaining about the lack of information from Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who's been shipping the migrants, God bless him, to Democrat regions to ease what he calls a crisis caused by open border policies. Exactly. They're not letting us know when the buses are leaving. This is Mayor Adams. He spent too much time at the gym. They're not letting us know what are the needs of the people on the bus. Oh, I feel really bad for you. Oh, for you. They are not giving us any information,

so we're unable to really provide the service to people en route. What does that even mean? Guys this far from illiterate, I swear. Adams complained of Abbott's team. You're so stupid. You're really stupid. You're so fucking stupid. We don't know the needs of the people on the bus.

Give them a Zagnut bar and a fucking glass of water and tell them to hit the fucking road. You know what the needs are? I'm all for a moratorium, and I've said this a million times, but I'll say it again, for legal with an L and illegal immigration. Slam the gate shut.

The party's too crowded. For the next 20 years, fucking Ted Kennedy, I hope you, you know, you've been dead forever, but I hope you die again. I don't know how that would happen. Only a Kennedy could die again.

Fucking take those people out in a pillow fight. Anyways, purchasing merch is another way to help support the show and also be the best-dressed guy or girl in Tehran. And you're filthy Tom? Tommy wrote that? I love Tommy. So grab a T-shirt, hoodie, hat, or mug, or a pair of titties and get canceled.

And send me a pic on your social media of you doing something interesting with your merch. Like, I don't know, wiping something off your wife's back. Just water, just water. I don't like your jerk-off name. Hey, I was just making a joke, fella. Anyhow, anyhee. Let's move on, shall we? We go from brown people pouring into New York to redneck people. It's a redneck riddle. What do you mean by that? A racist text message sent by a police officer has promoted, has prompted, if I was a police, chief of police, a racist text would get you

promoted, sent by a police officer, has prompted officials in a small Alabama town to disband their police department and fire the police chief and assistant chief. Oh, my God. What could they have said? There are white niggers. I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I'm going to use that word. Oh, that's some wild stuff, Ed. White niggers.

Vincent Mayer. His name's not Vince. The town is Vincent, which begs the question, why didn't they? I blew the headline on this one. My cousin Vinny. It's in Alabama. It's set in Alabama. In the movie, they should have used this town.

Vincent Mayer, James Lattimore. Again, sounds like a wide receiver for the Saints, on Thursday confirmed that Police Chief James Shrigley and Assistant Chief John L. Goss had been dismissed. I believe that's him without the beard. I looked and whatever, it doesn't matter. It might be Goss too, but I forget why I thought that. They had his name under both pictures. I don't know. Anyways, and John L. Goss had been dismissed. The Shelby County Sheriff's Office on Friday condemned. You hear that, folks? They condemned the two officers' actions and said it stands with the city in providing

emergency law enforcement related service to the citizens of V Vincent at this time. In other words, it's a police department, they said of six, I think, and they're all, these two get canned, another couple got resigned, so they don't have a police department. In the message, which recently surfaced on social media, never a good sign when your police chief is playing on TikTok. Surfaced on social media, someone identified as 752 texts, what do y'all, so Alabama, what do y'all call a pregnant slave? Of course, I'm sitting home going, I can get this one. An unidentified recipient responds twice. Question mark, question mark.

And, you know. That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. That's what I would have said, because I don't like racist type stuff. It makes me nervous, this edgy humor. 752 answers. BOGO, as in B-O-G-O. Buy one, get one free.

That's some wild stuff, I'll tell you. A pregnant slave, Bogle. Buy one, get one free. On Tuesday, Lattimore ran for 52 yards and had 116 received. On Tuesday, Lattimore said appropriate action has been taken against the officer alleged to have sent the text, though at the time he would not name the person or anyone involved. The city's website lists three people in its department, Shrigley, Goss, and Officer Lee R. Cardin. And guess what? and Officer Lee R. Carden.

And guess what? I think Carden's the one who resigned, if I'm not mistaken. But the other two got the finger, finger, bataya. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. They're like, that was 10 fires. There's six of us here.

Located in central Alabama, where I have a nice split ranch, 1970s, with shitty fake brick on the front. In Alabama, southeast of Birmingham, the little town of Vincent has a population of just under 2,000 people. I wonder how they voted. It's located in

Shelby St. Clair in Talladega counties. And I love it. in Talladega counties. And I love it. I love it. Anyhow, can I just say something about that? Really, you get canned for that? Not even the N-word?

All six of them. Huh? All six of them. Yeah. I mean, but you get canned for that? It's not even the N-word. You can't joke about, really? I'm pretty sure black people that are in higher positions than that are making jokes about white people all the time.

I guess we just never find the text and shit, right? Is that how it works? Not one high profile black person has ever made a white racist joke. I'm sick of this country. You people have no idea to piss me off. Anyhow, final story gotta be uh new federal army well what does that mean nick republican representative marjorie taylor green who we all love and the left thinks is crazy uh of georgia said that democrats are assembling

a new armed internal she's not the only one who's saying it, by the way. It's on all shows that have a lot more legitimacy, armed internal revenue service. They're arming the IRS, a force that will target small business owners. Green said on Friday that the passage of the, get this, oh, this is the Inflation Reduction Act. I can't keep them straight. The other one, the $750 billion one, I don't know, is this part? I think it is. It doesn't matter, folks. All you need to know, it's going to do just the opposite. The Inflation Reduction Act, which is expected soon to do the bill recently backed by moderate

Democrat Senator Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona, would provide $80 billion in funds to help the IRS establish a new force to target middle-income Americans and small businesses. And that's who don't fall for the – they'll go for the corporations first, right? And then when they're done with them, they'll get people making a couple million a year or a million a year, right? And then they're going to eventually get to you, which is the widest market. People who are, you know, small business owners. That's why she said that. People are denying it and shit. But we've seen this before.

This is cinema. Was she the one having the throuples with her husband in another broad? Was that a different? I can't remember. I let her jerk me off and I chewed it all over those daisies. Nick, what did you fuck? I don't know. Anyway, she's got fried eggs all over her titty. Listen, I digress. Anyways, while the bill does provide nearly $80 billion, with a B, in IRS funding over the next decade, some of which could be used to hire

new employees. The money's not expected to be used to establish a new armed force. Yeah, it is. What are you talking about? It's already out of the bag and this guy's trying to fucking lie about it. You're lying and you're a piece of shit. On Friday, Green tweeted, 87,000, I'll repeat, 87,000 IRS agents will be hired with $80 billion in taxpayer dollars when the Senate reconciliation bill passes this weekend. And they're buying more guns and ammo, too, as they try to take your guns away, as they let the fucking, as they defund the police that come after you, they're funding these jerk-offs to come after people who do their job.

It's their own version of the SS. That's exactly what it is. Lower to middle income Americans and small businesses will be the primary targets again it might not look like it always is it's the biggest market for them uh primary targets of democrats new irs uh force you believe this shit you fucking people you have no idea how to defend a nation green is not the only prominent prominent conservative to suggest that the IRS is stockpiling weapons and ammunition as part of a plan to unleash an armed tax collection force.

Fox News host Tucker Carlson urged his view, by the way, who gets more gets more Democrat watchers now than fucking CNN and all of them combined. So to me, that makes him more legit than most of them. Viewers to be very worried, he said, to be very worried that the government is treating the IRS as a military agency on Thursday night. This is insane. This is like old school fucking communism. It's unbelievable. Here's Tucker Carlisle. If you don't believe me, take it from a guy who knows what he's talking about. I think.

Stockpiling more than 5 million rounds of ammunition. In 2020, the watchdog organization OpenTheBooks.com reported the IRS has spent more than $20 million on guns and ammo between 2006 and 2019. Yikes. If that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? That's nice. So if you make a mistake on your W-4, you're going to get pistol whipped. In 2018, the Government Accountability Office reported that more than 2,000 IRS enforcement agents have more than 4,000 weapons.

He told Tucker Carlson Tonight viewers. Guns that kill people, remember? Tucker said the IRS is also stockpiling more than 5 million rounds of ammunition. Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war? We'll take you to war, okay? Tony.

Jesus. Get each in our block on the line. This is creepy, is it not? They're hogging the ammo. It's very hard. That's why I haven't gone to the gun range in here. I can't afford to waste what little I got. I have two little Asian kids in my basement with little tiny fingers making the bullets and shining them. Last month, Greene, that was Marjorie, our girl,

joined, she must be wild on the set, I'll tell you that's some wild pussy. Last month, Greene joined three GOP colleagues, including Representative Matt Gaetz, who I say is the missing Kennedy, of Florida to introduce a bill called the Disarm the IRS Act, which would block two agents. It says block two. Block the agency from acquiring more ammunition. Sign me up. And again, I want to believe you, Matt. I want to believe you, Marjorie.

But a year from now, I'll be shitting on you going, see, they're pretending. Well, that might not be true because we might actually win. No, we're not. You think they're going to let us win another election ever? I mean, come on. Guys, you should be nervous about that. Yeah. I'm not in the billionaire range or even the millionaire range,

but they'll pick at me soon enough. I've been lying about all the illegals I had to my banner. That's it for today, for Monday. I thought it went pretty good. Big night, big day for me here. I got some talent scouts from the Weather Channel and the food network today what did i cook oh my mom my wife made lasagna which is delicious but i can't handle the regatt cheese i have a little bit of lactose problem it's hit or miss but regatt and i know yeah i can't it just yet i yet i shovel

it in and shovel it in and i'm in in the bathroom for, I don't know, I'd say two and a half hours. I'm using beach towels to wipe my ass. It's really funny. Anyways, that was gross. I'm going to go home now. And always, before I go today, I want to thank you guys who do contribute to the show.

Thomas Pignataro, Daniel Harmon. Hey, these are new ones. Michael Varney, Dean Acuff, Nick Powell. Sean Powell comes right after him. James Taylor, that faggy guitar player. Spencer Hodgson, sounds like a first baseman for the Brewers. Sally McDonald, Kelly Hubbard, running back Oklahoma. Paul Sagnella, Austin Pardee.

New subscribers at Patreon. Oh, all right. I love when I get my Latino friends. Carlos Galdemus, Thomas Cunningham, IrishHooligan83T. Oh, I like that one. And Charles Waterman, who just signed up. You know what Charlie Waterman did? Signed up for a full year at Patreon. Received a 10% discount for doing that. If you sign up at the Michael and Vito level, you also get a free Nick DiPaolo show mug. So if you want extra stories every day,

like I'm going to do in a minute, access to all the archives and that free mug, to all the archives and that free mug, check out my Patreon page, okay? And thanks once again, kids. Anyhow, patreon.com, for now, thecomicsgym.com, nickdip.com, cameo.com, I got one waiting, I had two over the weekend. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, bust some balls of a guy at work, or say happy birthday to your cousin. Whatever. I can be nice or I can roast. Either way. And when I say roast, I'm not talking fucking five minutes.

I got things to do. I get young boys to meet. That is it. You guys think that I'll say it. You're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow. Have a great day, everybody. everybody guitar solo Thanks for watching!