The Nick DiPaolo Show - Illegals Hate Dem's America | Nick Di Paolo Show #1482

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Illegals going back, Trump leads and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Hello, I'm Mr. Ed. Yeah, that was my nickname when I was naked in the locker room. You know, right. No, it was Miss Ed. That's so funny you do that because David Tell has a joke about, you know, he always has great dick jokes.

When you, you know, when you take your girl, your underwear off in front of a girl for the first time, you want to hear something like, wow, oh. The last thing you want to hear is, oh. It's adorable. Oh, God, is he fucking funny. I heard him on the radio yesterday making me cry. So I see a girl at the bar with a black eye, and I'm great.

Great. She doesn't listen. So I walk over to her in my Crocs and my Who Farted t-shirt. So I ended up getting drunk and taking her home and yeah, I fucked her doggie style. I wasn't playing and all that, that's just how she passed out. Folks, how are you? I'm doing other people's material. What kind of fucking mood I'm in. Real quick on headline checks. I do it right before we go on. You know that, remember that guy that got his throat slashed over in England, the hockey player? The black guy kicked his foot up. Well, in the fucking paper, it said they made an arrest today. But this is how PC we've become when it comes to anything black.

That's all they said. They've made an arrest in connection with. That's what it said. They don't mention the black guy's name, a picture. Did they arrest his freaking skates? Yeah, that's the connection. Yeah, exactly. The guy who sharpened them probably

because it's England, you know what I mean? Can't even put a picture of who else would be arrested. Seriously, nobody picks up on these little fucking signals telling you we're in a warped, we're living in a warped planet. It's fucking insane. In connection with, like it was the Brinks robbery. The fuck are you talking about?

And boy, in my opinion, was it intentional. God, I've never seen anything like that. And also, another sports-related thing, real quick. If you watch the Bills last night, me and Dallas were talking about, who are just an average team this year, they fired the offensive coordinator. Yeah, like it was his fault.

Three guys, three it was his fault. Three guys, three perfectly thrown balls dropped, and the last play of the game, they put too many men on the field. The guy missed the field goal, but too many men on the field. So the guy hits the next one, but it's the offensive coordinator. Not to mention

the turnovers. All that. Fucking Josh Allen leads in the last five years. He has more turnovers than anybody. But boy, does he have a fucking rifle. There were two times last night he threw, I'm telling you, for other quarterbacks

they would have put a loft on the ball. You know, like a 40, 50 yard pass. He threw it on a line like he was throwing. I mean, a fucking gun I see why but I don't know so they get rid of Dorsey which is so I think that's so unfair

but they're not going to fire the head coach right he's probably in the middle of a contract they're not going to fucking get rid of Josh Allen anyways but those are the two sports things and apparently there's going to be a rally, I don't know, today, tomorrow, in D.C., over 100,000 strong pro-Israel.

I wonder if any of the creeps will show up and start some ugliness. Should I make that prediction now? Sure. Okay. That's all I got. Ah, the homosexuals. Now, why are you going to say that? That's not nice. Let's move to the first headline. Don't let La Puerta hit you in the, your culo on the way out, okay? I tell you,

fuck the fucking Deos brothers and fuck Esper Gomez. The border crossers, this is my favorite story of the goddamn, of the goddamn month. Border crossers and illegal aliens are fleeing sanctuary cities in the United States and heading back to their native shitholes.

Do you fucking believe that? My dickhead. Do you believe it? Under Joe, what's his name, Joe? Under Joe Biden, the country is so bad that people from shitty third world shit are literally going, this place is a dump. There's nothing here for us. It's almost a blessing in disguise. Because if Trump was, you know, well, he wouldn't let him in the first place. That's a stupid thing. Let's move on. Because if Trump was, you know, well, he wouldn't have let him in the first place.

That's a stupid thing. Let's move on. In interviews with the Chicago Tribune, some of the nearly 21,000 border crossers and illegal aliens who have arrived in the sanctuary city of Chicago, Illinois. Can you imagine that's your sanctuary? The fucking most violent shit. That's more violent than Ecuador, any of these places. There's people from Chicago fucking calling for asylum, running to other countries. Illegal aliens who arrived in the sanctuary city of Chicago said they wish they had never made the journey up to the United States-Mexico border.

Well, you were chanting Joe Biden's name. What happened? The Tribune reports the American dream doesn't exist anymore said casta harness He laid on a blanket on the bare floor of the station the afternoon before they left. There's nothing here for us yet This is fucking poetry in motion Migrants said they realizing the city is at a breaking point At least they follow the news and they realize it. Not only is there no more space in shelters, they also acknowledge

that some residents in Chicago oppose the opening of more shelters for them. That and they said the fucking stake is very tough in Chicago and overrated. Cast a horn said that

despite the dangerous trek to get here, often begging for money and sleeping in the streets to cross several borders, the journey had not been worth it. Oh, boy, you. We fucking told you so to stay home, stupid.

But no, you wouldn't fucking listen. Well, look at you now, you stupid fuck. I told you no kids. We didn't know things would be this hard, he said. I thought the process was faster. See all the promises they were told? You know, come over there, suck off the tit. Everything's free.

Suck off the taxpayer, the American taxpayer. According to the Tribune report, Catholic Charities is raking in lucrative cash from taxpayers across the United States in states like Illinois, Colorado, and Texas as they help relocate newly arrived border crossers and illegal aliens to other states. So they want to keep the gravy train running, right? Nice going, Catholic church. I'm glad I never practiced that religion. Well, I tried it.

I had no choice. They put me in it when I was born. They dunked me in some water. Some priest waved his cock in my face. And that was I said, enough of this shit, mom. She goes, what are you talking about? It's a lot of fun. Anyways, so that was that's good news, in my opinion. Trump College. What does that mean, Nick? Well, I'll tell you, former President Donald Trump would win the Electoral College vote over President Joe Biden.

Well, of course, I am your voice. But listen to this. There's the face that everybody wants to punch. Eddie Haskell. Hi, Mrs. Cleaver. You look very nice today. But anyways, under that it says, but Biden would trounce Governor DeSantis of Florida,

according to analysis from a stacked data strategy among 15,205 registered voters nationwide. I don't believe that at all. I don't believe what, I believe that Trump, I believe the numbers are bigger as far as the electoral college. And I, you want me to believe that Biden would trounce anybody. You have to be, if that be, if that's true, we deserve what we're getting. Again, that's all premised on if elections are real. Personally, I don't fucking, you know, how I feel. But really, come on. Why is it, I don't understand. DeSantis is, more than capable. The in-depth survey conducted from October 13th to November 3rd and released in Political

on Monday found that Trump would garner 292 electoral votes and win back the White House in a hypothetical general election matchup with Biden who would secure 246. Those people should be taken out and shot. Those electors. However, Biden would narrowly win the popular vote.

Lies! Absolute fucking lies. Really? He's losing black people, brown people, fucking suburban white women. But he would. Shut your fucking hole. Sorry to be so profane, folks. I know it's early where you are in shit, Bill.

I don't know what I'm talking about. It's just so ridiculous. It is. Popular vote. He would lose that if his family voted on him. Trump also beats the hell out of his wife. No. His wife?

No. Beats Vice President Kamala Harris. What the fuck? I can beat her. She's an anti-Semitic Jamaican Indian. Hates Jews. Oh, she does. Beats Kamala Harris and Governor Newsom in a hypothetical matchup.

There's the two fucking shapeshifters. In a hypothetical race between Nick DiPaolo and DeSantis, DiPaolo smokes the field. No, and DeSantis, Biden obliterates the Florida governor and a landslide. You're lying. I don't believe any of this shit. And the New York Post has become a left-wing rag. Anyways, Biden carries 359 electoral votes.

DeSantis won 79. And again, if that's true, America, you deserve what you fucking get. Taking a deeper look at a race between the leading candidates, Trump and Biden. Trump takes four states he lost in 2020, which he didn't lose in 2020. We're still finding out about Georgia and how much that was crooked. And that he lost in 2020, but he won in 2016. Arizona, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin. Conversely, Biden holds on to Michigan, which Trump won in 2016. I don't believe it. These states were pivotal in deciding the last two

presidential elections. It will be instrumental in determining the next commander and chief of the country, okay? How can Biden even be close in anything? Honestly, unless people are going, we want the handlers of Biden. We like this communist shit, you know? Don't make it explain. Anyways, in the second half of the show, I'm going to be talking about my boy Vivek.

Yes, and I'm back on the band. I checked him out. He's no Soros fucking. Anyways, he has a plan to destroy the deep state that's really, really interesting. And he's the only one talking about stuff like that. So I give him a nod. Also, a couple of senior sorority sisters, like women in their 60s who are in the sorority, and you can become part of the organization. You know how it works if you're... I'd love to break into one of those. I don't want to stab anybody. Just kiss them of the organization. You know how it works if you're... I'd love to break into one

of those. I don't want to stab anybody. Just kiss them on the head. Sniff their hair like Biden. Anyways, a couple of senior sorority sisters are being canceled, and you won't believe why. Hint, hint, hint. It has something to do with trans. What else? It's exclusively on Mug Club, folks. You know that. So join now to get Mug Club at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicka shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you

soon. No, no, no, no. Hey, in our FLA segment tonight, I could have chosen about three different ones yesterday. As you know, there's a whole website. I don't even go to it. There's a website dedicated to crazy Florida news, which I've never been to. You don't have to. They fucking seep out into other, you know, USA Today. After being caught having fully nude sex, is there any other kind unless you're a rapist, Is there any other kind unless you're a rapist? On a Florida causeway in front of children and other witnesses, Tom Brokaw was putting cuffs.

I didn't know that. I saw a pee-pee. Anyways, on a Florida causeway in front of children and other witnesses, a woman told cops it was the woman who was involved, it was always a dream of mine to engage in such a public tryst. I like inhaling fucking CO, what do you call it? What comes out of it? Carbon monoxide. Well, I'm banging a redneck.

To engage, it was always a fantasy to fuck on this bridge and in such a public just well her male companion showed zero remorse why why would he why would he he got laid guys don't care if it's on a bridge in a tunnel and a phone booth no fumble uh and a Hamas tunnel don't you you understand? It's not the same. When a guy gets laid, it's like finding a $1,000 bill. Girls, you can have that bill anytime you want.

I had a bit about women. It must be tough to be living with something that's so valuable. We talked about Ben Stein. I go, why else do guys want to be rich and powerful? It all goes back to pussy, right? Imagine it.

You're a woman. It's like having a lottery ticket you haven't cast in between your legs that everybody knows you hasn't. You have to cross your legs when you're on The Tonight Show and shit like the guys don't. We sit there like we get a roll of nickels, which we do. Hey, who wants to do laundry? Anyways, guys and women don't understand that. That the women are the ones being sought after, not you. So when guys do get

laid, I'm talking single guy, whatever, it's a big deal. He showed zero remorse when collared. That's what court records show. I don't know. Good for him. Good for her. Good for everybody. I don't want the kids seeing that, but the kids should be on the causeway anyway.

What kind of parents are those? Holy shit. Blocking traffic. After receiving multiple 911 calls around 9 p.m. Friday, Jesus, sheriff deputies responded to the causeway in Dundon. Or Dunudin. Right? I'm covering all bases. Dunedin, Dunedin. I say Dunedin because beach, Florida sand, Dunedin, a Gulf Coast city and discovered a couple having again, fully nude, no hat, no fucking socks. What are you fucking having fully nude sexual intercourse? I guess.

I guess if you're doing it in public and it's kind of a spur of the moment thing, you know, you don't completely give it. No. God damn it. If you're going to do it, like my father said, you're all in. All in her. All four and a half inches. Listen.

Anyways, they were completely naked, banging each other. And the presence of the victims. Oh, my God. People who started victims. What kind of, what were they, pilgrims? Puritans? Which included a pair of juveniles. Yeah, well, you can't control the audience. Some people bring kids to my show. And the parents leave crying. The kids are fine. What did we do to Billy?

Hey, when you got to fuck, you got to fuck. Well, baby, me so horny. Well, let's head to the bridge. You got toll money? Anyways, on the side of the causeway, cops found Sarah Fizakis. 55. Jesus,

the audience got ripped off. 55, all that pussy in Florida. And Robert Blake, I mean Clark. You wouldn't even have to tell me they were from Florida. And you know what? She was pretty in her day. Because she's 55, that's no makeup. And he looked like that in seventh grade. Just angry.

His hair started receding, fuck, when he made his first communion. He's like, the Pope ain't going to fuck me. Look at this. On the side of the causeway, they found Sarah Fazekas and Robert Clark. We call him Bobby Clark. 60 years old.

Good for you, Bobby. Going after younger chicks. Fully nude. nude again they keep emphasizing that who fucking wrote this Amamish woman on top of one another according to a criminal complaint

Clark that's the guy cops say was on his back with his genitals fully exposed well my question is is that not uncomfortable on the asphalt? I don't know. I did it in the breakdown lane in Route 1 in Boston.

And yeah, you're right. There was broken glass and all kinds of... Perhaps you'd like me to come in there and wash your dick for you. I like how he's on his back, but his dick is fully... She hadn't got on him yet? Is he just showing off?

Yeah, I thought they were having intercourse. That's what I mean. He was yanking it? Maybe. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know, but it's so typical of Florida. We have a video of them.

There's a fence blocking them in the causeway, but here it is. Oh, for Christ's sake, Bob Clark letting Sarah have it from behind. Look at that. Oh, my goodness gracious, Heloise. See that dog not trying to get away? That's how it should be in bars, men and women. Anyhow, any he. A witness described the pair's encounter.

Jesus. Again, Florida. Crack to sack. That's how he summed up the action. Crack to sack. Again, yeah, that's usually, I mean, I guess it can be crack to asshole. No, I mean, sack to asshole. I don't even know what we're talking about.

Crack to sack. Guy thought he was being hilarious. While being taken into custody, Fazekas stated, this was always a dream of mine, referring to having sexual intercourse on the causeway, a deputy reported. Then he got her number and took her to Highway 48 in Pine, whatever the bluffs. Surrounded by water, the causeway office, spectacular views of the St. Joseph sound. St. Joseph wasn't around for comment.

Clark was charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition and a tiny pee-pee, which is a felony in a black neighborhood. Good night, everybody. So get this. He's charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition. He's being held in a county jail in lieu of $50,000 bond and has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with children. Well, he wasn't really going after the children. But listen, I see a little bias here. Along with an exposure of sexual organs count, Fazekas was hit with a felony narcotics charge after cops found a Klonazepam pills inside an Altoids container. Can we get any more, Florida? In her purse, a bucket of moonshine was in the car. She was freed from custody Saturday after posting

$2,150 bond. I mean, that's a little anti-male, is it not? They were both fucking, last time I checked, takes two to dance. He's a predator. He's going to be on a list, got to put up his house to get a fucking bond out. And she, $2,150. Must have had tiny tits tits i don't know that seems sexist to the male anyways hey for those of you guys in mug club stick around for the rest of the second half of the show everyone else go to nickadip.com and join to get my full show steven crowder's full show and a whole lot more meaning the hodge twins meaning meaning Brian Callen, and every Friday, Alex Jones, not to mention the crack undercover team that broke that manifesto story of the trans shooter. It's well worth signing up, folks. It's a really, really funny show, well done, especially when I'm on it.

I kick it up a notch. I made that up just now guitar solo Outro Music