The Nick DiPaolo Show - Israel Unloads On Iran | Nick Di Paolo Show #1344

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

UK's Big Brother Using Military Assets on Citizens. Former Israeli Admiral Says, Time to Strike Iran. NY Rangers Over The Rainbow.   Get an extra story Monday-Thursday by joining Nick on Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow   Get tickets to see Nick, live! www.nickdip.com/tour  

🎵 Oh, yeah! Well, fuck you and your bones, Bird. Aye, aye. Apparently still tension in Memphis. How you is? What it was and what it was. Good to be with you folks.

I forget how it was done on Monday. What are we fucking... I don't know what I'm doing here. What do we got off the top of the... Well, NFL playoffs. Let's talk about that

real quickly since it's that kind of show. You know, for straight guys. What? Don't worry. I'll be covering some fashion tips. I spent an hour at the dress bar and I couldn't make up my mind.

What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, boy, is this great? Shut it. So how'd you like those games yesterday? Tommy, my manager, we were texting back and forth. I said Philly and Cincy. And he said, he had them both wrong is my point. Who'd Philly play?

San Francisco. He had San Francisco and Cincy. But let me tell you something. That was fishy. Look, there's always talk about NFL games being rigged. If you read the history of the NFL, you know, read about George Hallis, who created the goddamn league, basically, and who he, you know, he was kind of a Chicago mobster.

And books have come out. Lenny Dawson, the late great Lenny Dawson, admitted he betted on, you know, he was the quarterback of the Chiefs in the 70s, Hall of Famer. He bet on the Chiefs all the time. And Paul Horning, remember, they benched him. Alex Karras, forget. And, you know, and the mob gets him. Folks, you know how it is. I just, but I'm, and you know I'm cynical.

I usually would say yes to that. I used to hang out with this guy, Al Barbro and his dad. We, I had dinner with Al Jr. Hadn't seen him in years. I digress. I'm telling the story like my fucking wife, get on with it, jerker. Anyways, so he, they used to, you know, they'd bet heavy. Mr. Barbro had 10, 15 grand on a game. And I remember him losing. A guy missed an extra point. He just put his coat on and walked out. Didn't even bother him. Me and his son lost like, you know, I don't know, maybe fucking four or five hundred dollars.

And we're, you know, crying. But, you know, Al Jr. would always go, it's fixed. It's rigged. I go, come on. I need proof. Now my wife, I didn't say now, she believes, she doesn't know much about sports. But she'll be there reading while I'm watching this. That's why she's 40 times smarter.

I'm wasting my time. But she's convinced all of it's rigged. It's going to go to a game seven. She's like, we're watching the hockey playoffs. There's more money. I go, OK, that's easy to say. But how do we, in an NFL game, she's like, I told you, There's more money. I go, okay, that's easy to say. But how do, in an NFL game, she's like, I told you, it's rigged.

By the way, I'm talking about them giving the Chiefs two extra shots on a third down. Remember, about 10 minutes left, third and long, they stopped them. And the ref fucking says he blew the whistle. Nobody could hear it. And it was just like a do-over.

It was, look, here's why I might believe the ref. They showed where he was and it was so loud. That stadium is so loud. Did you see the quarterbacks were screaming their plays in the huddle? So I can believe, you know, they might not, but it was very weird. So they gave him like a do-over. And the next play, they sacked Mahomes. So now they've stopped him twice on third, but they call Holden on a defensive back for Cincinnati. And I'm sitting there looking at my wife. She's just reading a book. And I'm going, what the fuck? And I hear, look over there, she's like, what is she fucking, she dated enough mobsters in New York

to probably know more than I do. I don't know, folks. I don't know what your take is, but the internet is buzzing. It's very weird. And it always happens in games like this. Patriots in 19, you guys were kids, 1975 and 1976 at Oakland for the AFC champion. This is when they stunk to high heaven. They're going to go to their first Super Bowl or whatever the fuck. They're down on, Raiders first Super Bowl or whatever the fuck.

Raiders are down on the Patriots five with only a few seconds left. They fucking, what's his name, Stabler throws a pass or whatever. Incomplete. They're jumping around. Uh-oh. Roughing the passer. They show the replay. Guy fucking might as well have kissed him on the lips.

It was the most, didn't even hardly touch him. Sugar Bear Hamilton, our nose guard. Throw the flag. Next play, they score. They go to the Super Bowl. And that's when I became a heroin addict. They've great. I don't know what the fuck.

All I'm saying, it was very odd. I don't know. Seems like everybody wanted Kansas City. You know, they want the next hero like Tom Brady. And the announcers, you know, it's Mahomes. Whatever the fuck. But Joe Burrow is still my man. That fucking stupid idiot pushes Mahomes when he's out of bounds. No reason to.

And he is. He's something else, this kid. This kid is something else. And so is Joe Burrow. So we get to watch these guys for a long time, hopefully. Unless one of them announces they're trans and goes into ice skating. That's all I have to say about that. Let's get on with a stupid show.

And I do mean stupid. I'm always rusty on Monday. How does this thing work again? Honestly, God, I'm losing my shit. Big Brother is the headline. You know, the UK, that would be the United Kingdom, folks. That includes England, all the stupid other islands. You know, Aruba.

St. Bart's. UK coronavirus lockdown critics and skeptics were placed. Did you hear what I just said? People who were skeptic of the lockdowns when we had COVID, this is in England, were placed under government surveillance using the resources of the country's military. A report on Sunday alleges,

the mail, that's a paper on Sunday, reports military operatives and the UK's Information Warfare 77 Brigade. I was in there for about a week. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Drove the operation that targeted politicians and high-profile journalists who raised public doubts about the official pandemic response through their social media activities. Very interesting. Yes, it is.

Documents obtained by the civil liberties group Big Brother Watch and shared exclusively with this newspaper, which is Breitbart, expose the work of government cells such as the Counter Disinformation Unit, I call it the CDU, based on the Department for Digital Culture, Media, and Sport and the Rapid Response Unit and the Cabinet Offices.

Can you get more bureaucratic shit? But the most secretive is the MOD's 77th Brigade, which deploys non-lethal engagement in legitimate non-military levers as means to adapt behaviors of adversaries. Could they get a little more wordy? Who the fuck wrote this? I like to kick them right in the snatch. According to a whistleblower who worked for the brigade during the lockdowns, the unit strayed far beyond its remit

of targeting foreign powers. Remit? Who the fuck uses that word? Asshole. Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck? I'm Nick DiPaolo. They said that British citizens' social media accounts,

that's citizens, folks. So this is the military, counterintelligence, you know, like our DOJ, whatever the fuck, CIA, monitoring citizens because of their stance on lockdowns. And don't think it didn't go on over here either. Remember, I'm not saying I was monitored, but YouTube fucking booted me for saying that the masks don't think it didn't go on over here either. Remember, I'm not saying I was monitored, but YouTube fucking booted me for saying that the masks don't work.

That's a form of it. And we found out since the government works with big tech. So who the fuck knows? They said that the British citizen social media accounts were scrutinized, a sinister activity that Ministry of Defense in public repeatedly denied doing. What do they think they're going to do?

Yeah, we did it. What are you going to do about it? A Downing Street source responded by saying the units from 77 Brigade, which uses both regular and reserve troops, had scaled back their work

significantly since the end of the lockdowns. Oh, that's great. Okay. In that case. And you're a piece of shit. What's that supposed to make people feel better?

Yeah, well, they just admitted it, right? By not admitting it, go, no, we scale back. In other words, we didn't find anything. Okay, that's a big... If it's going on over there, it's going on over here. I would think we're ahead of them in that shit. Don't trust nobody but you also have a old blair at davos talking about really trying to push for the uh virtual passports that that's right carry everything from your vaccine status and everything

else that's right you're talking about tony blair that's that's a great point. Dallas knew that he was over in Davos. He's got a food truck over there. When they have those big, uh, when they, uh, why? I forgot that, like, Jared's going to cut this and put it out there. I fucking look like a toothless. Well, I am in Georgia. Anyways, yeah, that's just creepy on all levels. But it's not that we didn't know.

But I just like the way that ended with, oh, we scaled back. It wasn't like bullshit. We never did that. Anyhow, they should look into, you should stop. Secret intelligence, stop monitoring the NFL. Fucking meetings. Anyways, what's the next?

Iran, irate. What a great country, Iran, isn't it? Huh? Isn't it great? Ever see clips over there? Also, I can think of, it's the Bible. It's like watching when you watch Ben-Hur. When was that taking place? What was that?

Throughout of Roman time, wasn't it? Leprosy was still flourishing. The good times. You could die of a goddamn, you know, fucking rash. Anyways, Iran irate. Who cares who cares you gotta love the jews you gotta love israel you don't fuck with a man i'm watching fowder by the way one of my uh listeners i forget who you are emailed me saying you know the new season is out as good as ever guys you gotta watch fowder it's israeli secret intelligence going undercover in palestinian you know in

palestinian territory dude and the guy who wrote it and stars in it again he looks like a healthy out. It's Israeli secret intelligence going undercover in Palestine, you know, in Palestinian territory. And the guy who wrote it and stars in it, again, he looks like a healthy David Tell. And he did this for a living. It's just fascinating. I put it right up there with Three's Company. On Friday, former commander of Israel's

Navy, Eliza Marum, there he is. What the hell's going on with his right shoulder? What's he got there? An odor eater strip? It's a beret. It's a beret?

Oh, yeah. Sure it is. Whatever you said. Anyway, said that Iran is on the threshold of obtaining nuclear weapons, and it is better to attack now than later. What I'm saying is, we're on the edge of World War whatever the fuck. Think about it. I mean, Europe's already engulfed. Some journals this weekend said it's already started, World War III, because they're engulfed in the Ukraine

thing now. And now you've got Israel hitting Iran. They smoked like seven cities where there are artillery, you know, nuclear or whatever facility, supposedly. And this guy says, well, let's do it now better than later, because they're enriching uranium. Speaking to 124 News on Thursday, Marom was asked when the right time is to attack Iran's nuclear installations. And he said, in my understandings, I think Israel has to attack because situation right now that Iran is a threshold country.

100 percent, he replied. former Vice Admiral, said that although Iran is currently enriching uranium to 60%, it can quickly increase enrichment to above 90%. Same way Starbucks can make your coffee strong. I don't know what I'm talking about. Which is necessary for a nuclear bomb. So I agree with them. I hate to be, you know, I get fans who hate me when I agree with the Jews. Look, I have problems with them, too.

It's usually about the percentage they take out of my check after I do a gig. That's neither here nor there. Anyways, yeah, so we're on the threshold of World War III. No, Will Robinson, danger. He added the moment to jump from threshold to holding nuclear weapons will be very, very short. And therefore, I think the time to attack, the clock is ticking.

And we will have to do it sooner rather than later. Sooner it means in the upcoming year. Well, what was this weekend? Was that a dry run? There was like four cities on fire over there. What a world. How is this going to end good we live down here in muscle car country folks

fucking unbelievable everybody's got a Dodge Charger or a truck with a fucking you need two step ladders to get in anyways yeah what do you mean upcoming year anyways this hat Anyways, yeah, what do you mean, upcoming year?

Anyways, this happened, is this the next story? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't even remember I wrote this shit. I ate too much pizza again. Oh, yeah. Oh, and then this happened in the past day or so, which I wrote this yesterday. Bomb-carrying drones targeted an Iranian defense factory in the central city of Ishan overnight,

authorities said early Sunday, causing some damage at the plant. You know how it is, Iran. You could drop six A-bombs and you're $44 worth of damage. You know, you knock the goat's hat off and fucking maybe kill the place where they mutilate girls' genitals. We do that at CVS, don't we, over here?

At the plant amid, God, I stink on Mondays, heightened regional and international tensions engulfing the Islamic Republic. So it's kind of creepy. Oh, God, no. The Iranian Defense Ministry offered no information on what it suspected carried out the attack. Who carried it out? Which came as a refinery fire separately broke out in the country's northwest in a 5.9 magnitude earthquake struck nearby, killing three people.

What? I'm not blaming that on the Jews. I mean, they're good, but come on. Couldn't have happened to a nicer country. We have no beef with the Iranian people, because they hate all those stupid mullahs and fucking idiots in the revolution. But it's a shithole. If you have to go on the collateral damage to turn that place into a nice stadium for the Falcons or international NFL. Fuck it, so be it. However, Tehran has been targeted and suspected Israeli drone strikes amid a shadow war with its Mideast rival as its nuclear deal with the world power collapses.

They are not happy over there. No. As my great Colin Quench says, that is the best of female circumcisions. Hi. I'm Casey Kasem. Up three knots from last week. Clint mutilation by the Mullers.

This next group, details on the Isfahan attack, which happened around 11.30 p.m. Saturday night, remain scarce. A defense ministry statement described three drones being launched at the facility. I wonder where those came from. That was probably Anthony Cumia from Long Island, with two of them successfully shot down. Ooh, they're bragging about shooting down drones. Bring down a little drone. They checked the footage on it. It's fucking Bring down a little drone.

They checked the footage on it. It's fucking girls laying around a pool showing ankle in Tehran. Apparently made it through to strike the building, causing minor damage to its roof and wounding no one, the ministry said. Well, then shut it. The state-run IRNA news agency later described the drones as quadcopters. I have to use these to calm my legs when I squat it. Equipped with bomblets. How do you make a bomb sound innocent and female?

I just lost both my arms, not my legs. It was just a bomblet. It's like an omelet, only more dangerous. A fucking bomblet. It sounds like the backup singers, you know? Irene Ryan and the bomblets. Anyways, quadcopters, which get their name from having four rotors. Hey, thanks for explaining that, dick cheese.

I did pass third grade. Typically operate from short ranges by remote control. Wow, what a fun world. That's the scary part. And Dallas, you know from being in the military. When I went to Afghanistan with the USO, they showed us. We took pictures. I got a picture of me on stage from a drone.

This is when nobody knew what a drone was This is like, you know kind of a small plane not a little thing. You know, I'm talking about From whatever that was creepy. Man's if I said something wrong the pilots seen my shit on HBO beef I don't like this kid. He's racist ting Anyway, guys and girls I'll be back on the road. Oh my God, this weekend. Fuck me. Here's where you can see me. In the Usain Asylum next Tuesday. Excuse me. Pizza. Delicious. Bargain. February 3rd and 4th. That's this weekend. One show Friday, two Saturday. The Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas. I'm selling pretty well, I heard. March 11th

and 12th, the Comedy Club of KC. That's in Missouri. April 21, 22, the Funny Bones, St. Louis and St. Charles, Missouri. May 12th, Hilton Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort, Daytona Beach, Florida. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Just click on the old tour button. And speaking of comedy,

before I... Did anybody watch my boy Louie streaming? these shows at nickdip.com just click on the old tour button and speaking of comedy before i did anybody watch my boy louis streaming you know folks i love him he's like my brother um hate his politics like you guys do too um although he's more reasonable than he sounds when he he was on rogue and talking about the border should be open and the u.s you know people do u.s does shit that you don't know about to keep us where we are and all this horse shit, but fails to bring up that the United States has raised the fucking standard of living on the globe for I don't know how many years, the most magnanimous fucking superpower there ever was.

We've opened our doors to people. All that's forgotten. And he thinks, you know, everybody should be allowed, because he's a bit of a fucking communist. But he's a reasonable one, you know. So he gets a ton of shit. This is on Rogan. And it bums me out because I know a lot of these people in the comments section would be fans of mine, you know.

But they don't, they, this, he's not even funny. They have to go too far. Folks, I hate his politics just like you do. To say he's not funny, I don't want you as a fucking fan or a friend. Guy's the best to ever do it. I know something about this. Sorry. People probably go, really?

Better than, yeah, yeah. The guy puts out a special every year and there's not a dud in there. It's premises. Nobody goes near. It's funny. People just go, he's a fucking pervert. He's not that either.

If every guy that fucking whipped his dick out in front of a girl, you know, got the publicity, we'd be living in a whatever the fuck. I know the guy personally, and that's not why I'm defending him. I just happen to, you know, got the publicity, would be living in a whatever the fuck. I know the guy personally and that's not why I'm defending him. I just happen to, you know, like I said,

I don't like it, but you guys, they go nuts in the comment section. They just go crazy, you know, and they go, he's stupid, he's dumb. Oh, yeah. A lot of guys are dumb who can fucking, you know, write a TV series on their computer and, you know, raise two kids by himself in New York City

and get to the point where Saturday night in front of 18,000 people at Madison Square Garden, and it was called Back to the Garden because he's already sold the garden out before. 18,000 people. I'm watching. I'm getting all nostalgic because me and him went to new york together like in 1989 90 and we wandered around the streets of new york doing our sets trying to get into certain clubs and and i get all nostalgic i picture us you know when we first got to new york if anybody said to me and him yeah yeah, Louie, you're going to sell that out. That was 35, 36 years ago.

But still, I was getting all, and it was just hilarious. Fucking order it. Put his politics aside. And to say he's not funny, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. All right, let me, that's enough. Get off my soapbox here. New York Rangers over the rainbow. New York Rangers over the rainbow.

Somewhere over the rainbow, faggots fly. Over the rainbow with chairs in both eyes. La, la, la, la, you candy dick. What? The New York Rangers team celebrated Pride Night. No, they didn't. On Friday, but did not wear the Pride-themed jerseys. Now I'm a Rangers fan. Or used rainbow tape during the event.

We... What the fuck? And again, I don't have to say this to you, my fans, because I know you feel the same way. But to gay people, will you fucking stop already? You know, you started years ago, 40 years ago, and saying, we just want the rights that everybody else has. Well, you got them.

Now you're forcing people to fucking, you're sticking your nose in places it doesn't belong. Both at home and in public. What? That's filthy. Shut up. It was a good one. No, I'm kidding. But I'm just saying, you've got to fucking let it go, man. The team recently, I kind of like,

the New Yorkers seem like they did a bait and switch on these guys. The team recently said it would do those things at the celebration. However, when asked on Saturday why it did not follow through with the jerseys, the Rangers told Fox News, we don't think we get that many cocksuckers watching. And that was, I couldn't believe they said that. No. Our organization respects the LGBTQ plus community.

And we are proud to bring attention to important local community organizations as part of another great pride night, even though they make up 3% of the world population and we talk about them every fucking day. No. of the world population and we talk about them every fucking day. No. In keeping with our organization's core values, we support everyone's individual right to respectfully express their beliefs. And that should go for straight people, too. That's all I'm saying.

But the gay people are like, you know, who gives a fuck what you think? Well, you should. According to the NHL report, Molly Walker, there was no acknowledgement or accountability for the change of plans regarding the jerseys that was supposed to be auctioned for charity. New York City Pride later issued a statement that said, our participation in last night's ceremonial puck drop that Pride jerseys and rainbow tapes would not be worn as advertised. We understand and appreciate that this has been a major disappointment to the LGBT community in New York and beyond. Oh, boy for you. We are communicating these concerns with the New York Rangers and NHL leadership as we continue to discuss the ways these organizations can work towards inclusion. What's your definition of inclusion?

We have a trans hockey league now. We have gay hockey leagues. What the fuck do you want? You want Liza Minnelli playing goalie for the Rangers? I mean, where does it stop? I mean, for the love of God, Shepard Smith gets five minutes for roughing with his purse. The news came after Philadelphia Flyers defenseman, Provorov Russian by the way only guy to have

enough balls chose not to wear the gay pride jersey back on January 18th and um and this is again it took a a Russian player all the American players you know bowed their knee like the fucking anyways took a Russian guy to say this everybody and i respect everybody's choices my choice is to stay true to myself and my religion that's all i'm gonna say that's good okay let me translate what he just said uh for you people fucking quiz Fucking quiz! That's not funny, Nick. Oh, for the love of Pete. You got to stop it, folks.

You know? Inclusion, inclusion. It's called lowering the standard. I mean, I don't get it. Seriously, you make up 5%? Okay, I'll give you 8% of the world population. Nobody's bothering you for what you do sexually. And you're celebrating how you were born. It's stupid in the first place. It shouldn't even go this far. Let's have straight white pussy eating night. Let's have a pussy eating contest between the second and third period. How's that? I'll judge.

period. How's that? I'll judge. Taste test. Oh, God, that's gross. How can you say something like that on such a clean show? You know what I think of you? You smug cocksucker.

Fuck you. All right, that's it, folks. Glad I'm starting to have fun on the show. God bless. That is it for, what is it, folks. God, I'm starting to have fun on the show. God bless you. That is it for, what is it, Monday? Sure. Hey, don't forget to watch tomorrow. We have Michelle Tafoya, former NFL sideline announcer for both ABC and NBC.

And I've seen her on GutFell a few times, and she's very likable, very funny, got her head on straight when it comes to politics. That'll be the show tomorrow. So sit tight for that one. Cameo.com, if you'd like me to roast a relative or friend, go to Cameo.com. It's my birthday tomorrow, so I'm going to roast myself. What a bad idea. Huh? All right. I'd let somebody else do it, but I get too mad. That's it, you guys. Think I'll say it. You're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow. Take care. Hi. Good night, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music