The Nick DiPaolo Show - Liar in Chief | Nick Di Paolo Show #593

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Cajones de Grande. "The Old Man Had Too Much Wine." F-L-A.

Hi boys and girls, Nick DiPaolo here. Free speech lives right here on the Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm grateful to be able to do this show my way, and I'm only able to do it my way because of your generous contributions. Please go to nickdip.com or click the link on thecomicsgym.com and contribute today to keep this show and our speech free. Thank you so much. I don't think it should be mandatory.

I wouldn't demand to be mandatory. First, we must increase vaccinations among the unvaccinated with new vaccination requirements. What he said was he doesn't think it should be mandatory for the president to tell the truth. Oh yeah! How are you folks? Miss you guys very much. Thought about you all. I was masturbating.

Yeah, it's been, what, two weeks? That was a long time. And you guys hung in there. We played some Best Of and all that stuff. And good to be back. Can you see it? Your sincerity in my face? I can't talk about the movie, but

just know it was a fun two weeks. I had one of my teeth knocked out, a crown that had to be replaced. I had a root canal when I got home. All an accident. Can't get into more detail. You know how it is in showbiz. But it was. It was upstate New York,

one of the most beautiful spots. And the whole crew, everybody became a family. And it was a great experience. I can't wait to get kicked out of Hollywood. What? Not even in Hollywood. I've got to get the numbers up on this show, okay? So I'm getting fucking irritated now. So you'll see what's coming.

Tomorrow I'm wearing a dress and a big hat. I got it belched. Is that the name of the store, man? What do you mean? You live down here. Come on. That's where the old black women go to buy their hats on Easter and shit. Well, absolutely. Didn't you marry a 71-year-old

black woman, you told me? Alrighty then. I guess we'll get right to it. I don't know what to say to you people other than, yeah, I really friggin' missed you. It was, you know, when you make a movie, you don't know what's going to happen. We have no idea. It could be

the greatest thing, a good piece of garbage. You don't know. When the people were making Howard the Duck, they thought it could be the next Godfather. And vice versa. Godfather, they were like, this is terrible. So here you go. Let's get right to it, shall we?

What are we talking about today? I forget how to do this shit. Liar in chief. Don't you love? Here's what I love. Everything they accuse Trump of being this jerk off is everything from being unfit and stupid and physically unfit and a liar and um you know what's his name Trump was Hitler and yet this guy is mandatory vaccines and shit you need a passport to get into fucking restaurants now in New York

but you know the Republicans they're the Nazis. You people on the left, I hope you fucking die tonight in your sleep. President Joe, president, not my president, or your president, Joe Biden, shared a message to unvaccinated Americans. That would be me. Only jab I'm getting is between my toes, and that's good heroin from the kid up the street. You know it, and I know it. As the nation continues to

fight rising coronavirus cases and deaths, let me put that in perspective. That's like going as the country fights rising flu rates. Unless you're a fat fuck and you're in your late 80s. Nobody's a threat, but we keep pushing that.

Fight rising coronavirus cases and deaths. He implored them, the unvaccinated, to get the vaccine. That's what's creeping me out about this. The desperation in their voices for us to get it. It doesn't make you think twice, three times. Read about the Chinese. They're very slippery. Then you bring us to get it. It doesn't make you think twice, three times. Read about the Chinese. They're very slippery. And then you bring this asshole into it.

It's getting ugly. Let's listen to this puppet. I believe AOC in this clip has his hand up his ass, a la Kermit the Frog and Jim Henson. Okay, let's let this brain-dead bag of cheese talk. My message to unvaccinated Americans is this. What more is there to wait for? Pause.

What's the hurry, fuckstain? What happened to natural immunity? What happened when we hit the 70% mark? We should be fine. What happened to the clip I opened with that, we'll never make those mandatory? But, but, but, what happened to all that? It's creeping me out, the desperation.

You gotta get it. You have to. What's the... I can see why you're nervous, because you're in your late hundreds, and if somebody sneezes with a mile of you, you could go belly up. That's my fantasy. I'm hoping some Chinese woman in her late 90s weighs about 800 pounds spits in his mouth.

Go ahead. What more do you need to see? We've made vaccinations free, safe, and convenient. The vaccine is FDA approval. Pause. Remember when Trump, remember when Trump, who, by the way, made these vaccines. Do you remember jerk off here and come out Harris going? Well, we're not going to take them.

Trump had something to do with it. Those are exact words. I didn't pull it up because I'm not doing the goddamn NBC nightly news. Matt's busy. He's got a 78 year old black woman he's dating to take care of. But remember he said, I wouldn't take them. I wouldn't.

You're just a lying fuckstank. Go ahead. Like the rest of them. Two hundred million Americans have gotten at least one shot. Pause. Yeah, two hundred million Americans thought American Idol

was the greatest show on earth either. I stayed away from that for a while. I gotta admit, I fell into that trap too. Go ahead. You've been patient, but our patience is wearing thin. Whoa! And your refusal has cost all of us. So please do the right thing.

But don't take it from me. Listen to the voices of unvaccinated Americans who are lying in hospital beds, taking their final breath, saying, Pause! You fear-mongering cocksucker! Listen to the people die on their last breaths going, if I only took the vaccine. How many of you think that really is?

He's not bringing up, what is it, 30%, 33% of the breakthrough cases, people who have already been vaccinated are still getting sick. So why, shithead Biden, would I put that into my body? Don't bring that part of it up. Why would I do

that? And if you're already vaccinated, and I know everybody's made this point, and I'm going to keep on making it. If you're already vaccinated and the vaccines work, how am I a threat to you? Same when I got an elevator on the movie set. Lady had a mask on, of course, one of the crew. And she goes, you don't have a mask?

I go, you got one on. Doesn't yours work? You can't have it both ways. You can't tell me I should be of the crew. And she goes, you don't have a mask? I go, you got one on. Doesn't yours work? You can't have it both ways. You can't tell me I should be getting the vaccination and then go, you're going to get me sick. I'm already vaccinated, but so why would I put that into my body if we don't know that it works?

I'm tired. Let's do something else for a living. Bye. All right. Okay. Is he done yet? This piece of fucking rotten wood? Go ahead. Let him burp. I'm vaccinated. If only. It's a tragedy. Please don't let it become yours. Oh my God. Are you laying it on heavy? It's a tragedy.

Did you see Brian Piccolo and Brian's song? It's like that. Absolute nonsense. You notice the statistics you haven't seen either? How many people that have died from this? They never tell you what else they had as far as other illnesses you don't see that stat they don't give you this stat how many people just flat out died from covid with no other related illnesses you don't see those numbers i feel

lucky that i haven't bowed into this shit i'm not making fun of people who have because i'm not anti-vax either not that i had a choice when I was three and my mother was sticking. You know, that's when you get vaccinated, right? You hear people going, I'm not anti-vax. You know, I had the fucking smallpox and the, well, yeah, you were two and you had no choice. But this one here, we have plenty of evidence that it works for most people, but you don't know the long-term effects. So what I'm saying is enjoy your dialysis machine in two years. All right.

I don't like this president, because he's not my president, and he slurs his words. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? Yes. You need to shut the fuck up, Joe. Oh, Joey boy. Oh, Joey boy. Let's move on to our next segment before I have blood come out of my eyes on the first one. Go ahead, fella.

Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. In our make me a sandwich segment tonight, Kamala Harris, she's terrific this one. She might be the best vice president ever.

I have never, well, what she is is an empty pantsuit. I think I coined that phrase. I don't like the fact she has a neck like a strong safety for the Dallas Cowboys. It's about 18 inches around. She's got the jaw of a Marlboro man. I'm not even sure she likes dick, but that's not important. What's important is how ignorant she is. And she spoke over the last few days. She has no sense of irony apparently because as

Biden's talking about making the vaccinations mandatory and if you don't, he's going to take your family out and shoot you. She's talking about women and having you know, not telling them what to do with their bodies. It's their choice. Does she understand? Do they even

talk to each other? That's my question. Let's listen to this thick-ankled dog face. And I believe that in America, our diversity is our strength. Pause. Have you ever, there's even people on the left going, did you really just say that again? That mantra that makes everybody, even fucking Democrats are sick. Our diversity is our strength. Yeah, I guess that's why you're dropping in. You're letting

half of South America in. By the way, I didn't even bring that up as far as the vaccines without testing them for COVID. So that's a strength. How many thousand refugees from Afghanistan do we bring over here and literally put them on buses and they're all over the country? Yeah, that's not going to come back to bite us in the ass. Tell me how diversity is our strength. In a perfect world, my fucking family would have stayed in Italy. Yours would have stayed in Jamaica. Matt's would have stayed in...

Where are you from, Matt? Botswana. Botswana. That's where he met this lady online. She was carrying grapes on her head in a basket with her tits hanging out. Botswana. Diversity is not a threat. You can make the exact, and I'm not being racist here, in a perfect world,

well, we call this a, they call it a mixing, what do they call it? You're looking for melting pot. A melting pot. God damn, how do I? But see, nothing's melting. You know, look into it. And like I told you, there's M&Ms in there, there's Skittles, there's actual salad, there's some cat shit, whipped cream, and marbles. Nothing is melting. You understand? We're a bunch of squabbling ethnicities living side by side with nothing in fucking common. We have two national anthems now. So shut the fuck up about diversity,

you fake black woman, you Jamaican and Indian. I still can't believe she, diversity is our biggest strength. It's great that people are pouring in and we're putting them on welfare and all you hard, you working class people,

actual American citizens have to pay for this shit. But it's working. You've caused more division. Go ahead, let her go before I die. At the same time, we saw after 9-11 how fear can be used to sow division in our nation.

Really? As Sikh and Muslim Americans were targeted because of how they looked. Pause. Pause. Fucking pause. You know what she's talking about? And they've been using this too. Right after 9-11, some idiot redneck out in Arizona shot a Sikh who ran a gas station, if you remember. He had a turban on. He wasn't even, he was Indian. And they have been running with that because they always mention Sikhs specifically. But if you look at the numbers as far as violence against Muslims after 9-11, there's hardly any.

Were there some dope, some ignorant people who, you know, raised an eyebrow when they saw somebody in the Middle East? Of course. It's only fucking natural. But they make it sound like we cut loose on Muslims. Just think about it. They keep pointing out that Sikh, I swear to God. And by the way, the year after 9-11,

look at how many visas we gave to countries that are known for terrorists. And you tell me that we were tough on them. She is an empty, she's just a dummy. She... Yuck. Go ahead.

She done? Oh good, this is what i have to say you fucking whore yeah that's it go home get my dinner ready what you just said yeah is one of the most insanely idiotic things i have ever heard everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul. Talking about her, right? Not me. Oh, we target him. Do you remember all the violence? Do you remember? All I remember, I was living in Queens, and this is the true. The night after 9-11, I hear this Middle Eastern music cranking. I'm in an apartment building on the fifth floor. I look down. This Middle Eastern guy, he looked like the 20th terrorist from 9-11. Cab driver, yellow cab. He's got all doors open, and he's cranking that Middle Eastern music,

or as Colin Quinn calls it, the best of female circumcisions. And he's dancing around in the streets, celebrating. And me and the guy next to me, he meets me in the hallway. I go out, he's got a bat. I go, dude, you'll go to prison for a thousand years. We just stood there. He's holding the bat. I want to know how many people were the victim of hate crimes right after that. I think it was three. Am I right, Maha Jouji? Durka Durka.

Muhammad Jihad. Hakka Sherpa Sherpa. A bakala. Anyways, just remember this. Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar! They do do that after a soccer game. remember this. I'm not like that! I'm not like that! I'm not like that! They do do that after a soccer game.

Somebody has a baby. Somebody stubs a toe. All the commemoration yesterday. Saturday. And I'm not disrespecting anybody that died in that.

But I don't know. We have to, obviously, every year mention it, but I feel like we wallow in our shit too much sometimes. I know that's not going to fly well

with a lot of people. But, we sort of, when we didn't put up the towers again, both of them, that's when I knew things had changed. The old America would put up, actually put up three. One in the middle would have been taller,

and it would look like that was the plan. I actually heard that going around. Never happened. Anyways. Good idea, though, that Biden's letting these people, unvetted, unvetted from Afghanistan, live all over the country. Luckily, I'm 59.

Nobody gives a fuck. Here's my point exactly. U.S., this is the headline, gives visas to 283,000 immigrants from hijacker countries since, I'm sorry, since 9-11. 283,000. Wow. What an example of targeting Muslims And well Nick

They weren't all Muslims Well when you say hijack a country You're not talking about Ireland And fucking England You could throw Cuba in the mix But back in the day Remember in the 70s You guys probably don't

Every time you change a channel They'd cut in while you're watching a show Another plane was hijacked and heading to Cuba. The United States has awarded, get this, green cards to nearly 300,000 foreign nationals from countries where the September 11, 2001 hijackers came from since 2002. Boy, does that sound like we were targeting them, huh? Miss Vice President, you fucking... On September 11, 2001,

19 Islamic terrorists murdered nearly 3,000 Americans in a terrorist plot that targeted New York City and D.C. 15 of the hijackers arrived in the United States with visas, and I'm not talking about credit cards, motherfucker, from Saudi Arabia, while the others came from Lebanon, Egypt, and the United Arab Emirates, all friends of ours now. What a filthy world we live in. Department of Homeland Security data shows that since the year after the September 11th terrorist attacks, about 283,000 foreign nationals

from 911 hijacker countries have been given green cards to eventually secure naturalized American citizenship. What a racist country, huh? What a hot country, huh? What a hotbed of racism. We're cutting our own throats.

Do you understand? I don't even believe in left-right anymore. Like I said, there's 10 guys in a room, eight of them are gay, four people are, and they're running the world. They're smoking cigars, and now it's America's turn in the barrel. I can't even, I'm so jaded and cynical right now. I see like Jim Jordan and these guys I used to

believe in when they were trying to impeach Trump, who give these impassioned speeches and Ted Cruz, you know, very eloquent, who have done nothing other than fucking ba-ba-ba-ba. I still have my analogy. I'm going to repeat it again. They are the Washington generals, the team that travels with the Globetrotters. That's who the Republicans are, the Dems of the Globetrotters.

It's all in the bag. Please prove me wrong. Only way you're going to prove me wrong is if Trump gets back in office. Anyways, the data shows that the extent to which the federal government has made little to no change to the rate at which it delivers green cards to foreign nationals arriving from terrorist-prone countries. For instance, in the year after 9-11, about 10,300 that's the number I was looking for. The year after, 10,300 foreign nationals from Saudi

Arabia, Lebanon, Egypt, and the United Arab Emirates were given green cards. All hotbeds of terrorism, by the way. Green cards to permanently resettle in the U.S. by 2006. Who would do that? Let me ask you a question. What if we blew up something in China and did whatever? You think China would go, a year after, let in about 10,000 Americans?

You know the answer to that. Please somebody tell the president. Permanently resettled the United States by 2000. That number had grown to more than 17,100 foreign nationals given green cards. For the love of my sister's ass. Durka, Durka. What committed suicide? Hakka Sherpa Sherpa. A bacala. In 2019, the last year from which a data is available,

more than 16,100 foreign nationals from 9-11 hijacker countries were awarded green cards. Did I just say that? Is this fucking thing repeating itself? Did I just say that? Is this fucking thing repeating itself? Current legal immigration levels, which have gone unchanged for nearly 30 years, bring about 1.2 million legal, with an L, immigrants on green cards to the U.S. annually. By the way, they overstay their visa. In addition, about 1.4 million foreign nationals arrive on various temporary visa programs. In other words, we're letting the whole world in since then. We didn't learn anything, is my point.

We unified for about two weeks, if you remember correctly. We felt like Americans for about two weeks. And you fuckers on the left, I guarantee you were probably giggling at night. I never believed you. But what was fun was I was living in New York City. Every Muslim cab driver, whatever they were, Indian, Sikh, whatever, they all had like 11 American flags stuck to the decals because they thought they were going to get fucking whacked. As Breitbart News noted, seven of the 9-11 hijackers arrived in the United States on visas and eventually overstayed their visas before. And by the way, this goes on all the time now. Before or at the time of the terrorist attacks,

these hijackers were supposed to have been detained or deported after overstaying their visas, but never were. But that would be racist to do that, wouldn't it? Sure. You fucking people you have no idea how to defend a nation this is a joke that's what this is I'm being arrested

yeah so we never really stopped the flow again why political correctness, race, media, whatever. Somebody said we would destroy ourselves within. That's the only way this country would get fucked up. You're watching it.

Do we have a Deadpool for like Biden? You know, they have Deadpools for famous. He's got to be. I'm just saying with the rate that his brain's. I don't mean anybody hurt him. I'm just saying naturally. I can just pick up. I just see myself picking up the paper.

I don't know. Let's say early February 2022. They say Joe Biden was found in the White House pool, face down in a diaper. Of course, it's a we don't know the cause of death. Headline, cojones de grande. That translates into big balls. Portuguese judge Dr. Rui de Fonseca e Castro. Here's a guy.

He's got large ones. He's a judge, Portuguese. One of the only serious ones in the Portuguese magistrate confronts police officers. They were preparing to beat people who are not wearing masks on public roads. And I'm looking for the American version of this guy who's not on a Harley or whatever. Kind of looks like Robert Downey Jr. Totally irrelevant, but fuck it. Kind of looks like Robert Downey Jr. Totally irrelevant, but fuck it.

But this judge, he's going to straighten out some of these. They're sort of like, well, these are actual cops. I was going to say Antifa, but this guy's not afraid of nobody, apparently. Here ye, here ye, the coat's in session, the coat's in session now. Here come the judge, here come the judge. Here come the judge. This is the judge talking to these policemen who are about to literally get physical and beat people who weren't wearing masks at a protest. Go ahead. So what are you going to do? These are orders that we have. Yes, these are the orders. The gentlemen will not carry on the people.

Do you understand? The gentlemen will not carry on the people. The gentlemen will not be taken. For you people not watching, just listening to the subtitles. And he's saying, you're going to hit, he says you're not going to hit anybody. Do you understand? When he keeps saying kept sick, kept sick, whatever that means. Do you understand?

Go ahead. The gentlemen will not carry on the people. Do you understand? Kept. He says, I'm looking into your eyes. I'm watching. Be aware if you hit people. And the cops just stand there not reacting. Go ahead. I'm looking at your eyes. Do you understand? Do you understand? You're not going to hit on people. Wait a minute.

Hit on people? Is this a gay parade? That's different than hitting people. I guess it's lost in the translation. He's saying you're not going to hit on people. Sounds like my wife when I go out drinking with the fellas. What? Say what?

Let her roll. Cupstick. You understand you're not going to hit on people. These people are here peacefully. You won't hit people for not wearing a mask. Pause. The cop says, do you think you're setting a good example? Why? He's not hitting anybody. He's telling you. And the judge says, you don't have to tell me if I'm a good example or not, as the judge will say.

We don't have to tell me if I'm a good example or not, as the judge will say. We don't have judges like this. We have most of our judges are women in their 60s who graduated from Yale. They have mustaches, giant foreheads, couldn't get a dick stuck in them if they were in a Turkish prison for 30 years. And they hate this country. But roll. Don't touch me. Pause. Some cop just like put his hand on him. And the judge goes, don't touch me. Pause. Some cop just like put his hand on him and the judge goes,

don't touch me. Don't touch me. Put yourself in my place. Put yourself in my place. I'm a judicial authority here. Now he's getting a little big for his britches. Go ahead. And you also put yourself in your place.

You understand? You'll be arrested if you hit somebody. What? This is my place above you. Above you. Do you understand? I don't know the pecking order over there, but I like the guy.

He was the best guy around. How you go, judge? Do we have a judge anywhere like that? Most of the ones that sort of lean right were tight. Exactly. And then she said something that fucking, I would have voted for her for president, but then she said something really, oh, she was agreeing with Mitt Romney on something. Remember? When he voted to have Trump impeached, I think she sided with him or something, and that was it for my love affair with her, but

she's only worth $600 trillion. You know how girls bang old guys like in their 90s when they're filthy rich, like Ann and Nicole remember I would have tried that with Judge Judy I would I'm 59 she's about what it's got to be pushing 80 she makes a six syndication money so I'd throw her one and by throw it I mean a short right hand to her britches. Didn't you like that, Judge? I did. He was the best guy around.

A man goes to a party. Let's move on, shall we? Do you guys remember the famous scene? I think it's Godfather 1. I always confuse 1 and 2. They're the same to me. It's just one big beautiful movie to me. But you remember when Frankie, Five Angels, spills the wine?

He's yapping away. No con, man. I'm on to Miami. What are we drinking? Champagne cocktails? And then later on, Michael goes, the old man had too much wine. I want him dead. Mortar.

Anyways, Rudy Giuliani, who has been known, one of my favorite people, by the way, only because I moved to New York in 1989 under Dinkins, I saw what a pigsty it had turned into, and then Giuliani won. I went out to L.A. for a year, came back. I couldn't believe how clean the city. He did it in like a year. I didn out to L.A. for a year, came back. I couldn't believe how clean the city was. Like a year. I didn't see any homeless. There were squeegee men that used to come up to your car, they'd throw mud on it

and then fucking clean it off and ask for mud. They were everywhere in every corner. I come back a year and a half later and there's none. And I don't care how they disappeared. I hope he pulled a Mussolini on them. But anyways, one of my favorite politicians.

Well, he's hitting the sauce. As Vito Corleone said, I'm drinking more wine. Anyways, he was speaking over the weekend at some 9-11 thing. And I think he must have just come from Rosie O'Grady's happy hour or something. He's been known to toss a few back before he goes on TV. So this is him doing Foster Brooks. But the first clip, the first clip he's talking, he was talking, oh, he's talking about General Milley. He calls him Miley. Nobody knows and nobody cares. But he's talking about

General Milley giving away Bagram Air Force Base, and this is how Rudy feels about that. Wanted to grab his stars, shove it down his throat, and say, it's 400 miles from China, asshole! China is going to be our enemy for the next 40 years. You have an air base 400 miles from them, and're giving it up idiot what the hell is wrong with you who paid you christ that is crazy i don't know i shouldn't get into this what biden did in the last two weeks is freaking insane. It cannot be explained. Starting to sound like half a Hepburn.

He's got a fried voice like a valley girl. But I fucking love it. Bagram Air Force Base, I've been there. That makes me famous too. 2007 with the USO. We visited that place. We had those ready-to-eat meals. Oh, mamaloni. They took all our shit,

our bags and stuff, and frisked us, and it's all gone. It's gone. Nothing we can do about it. But he's right. China's 400 miles away. Do you understand?

And by the way, I hear Jinping is watching Biden and laughing his balls off, so I don't think they're not going to make a move. They're already flicking Taiwan's dick every day to see what Joe's going to do about it. But don't worry. If he can't handle it, Kamala Harris will step in. Now, there's more of Rudy Giuliani.

This is like a roast. He's doing his own roast. He talks about, who's he talking about? Oh, Prince Andrew. Is it Andrew? Queen. Queen? Well, he mentions the queen, but he also brings up Prince...

Maybe it led to it. He goes, I didn't hang out with Prince... He's talking about Prince Andrew, the blonde, Jeffrey Epstein, the whole connection. Because there were rumors. But this is his take on that. She said you did... You did a wonderful job. I'm sorry.

Yeah, he's doing the... This is Giuliani trying to do the Queen of England. You want to hear the worst British accent? You get a guy, an Italian guy from like Brooklyn trying to... This is him. Go ahead. On September 11th, and therefore I'm making you an honorary knight,

commander of the royal something or other. I turned down a knighthood because if you took a knighthood, you had to lose your citizenship. I know Prince Andrew is very questionable now. I never went out with him. Ever. Never had a drink with him. Never was with a woman or a young girl with him. Ever, ever, ever. One time I met him in my office and one time when we had the party.

Right, Bernie? You were there. I don't know nothing about that. Oh, yeah. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Oh, fucking Rudy. Tootin' fruity. The old man had too much wine. But he was right about everything he said, in my opinion.

I didn't know that when you get knighted, you have to give up your citizenship. Who the fuck would do that? Did Sting do that? Wait a minute, where's Sting from? I don't give a fuck. Oops. Folks, a little rust on me. Haven't done the show in about three years.

Let's go to the next segment, ladies and gentlemen. No, no, no, no! Oh, in our FLA segment tonight, Florida mom, seen here, arrested for allegedly, you can tell she's fucking shithouse crazy by her

eyebrows. Looks like Cesar Romero is the joker. Florida mom arrested, although not a bad pair of blowjob lips. There's no need to say that, Nick. For Florida mom arrested, although not a bad pair of blowjob lips. There's no need to say that, Nick. For a mom arrested for allegedly helping

a son beat up another kid. A Florida mom, this is so Florida, isn't it? Was arrested for allegedly helping her son and his friend beat up another child, according to local officials.

I don't know what that means. But look at her face. Let's study that face. I don't know. I almost found her attractive. Is that wrong? I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face.

I don't like your jerk-off behavior. And I don't like you, jerk-off. It's good they took a picture of her while she was at the hair salon. You see she's got a black cape. Is that what they do? Mug shots and great clips. Ashley Ruffin.

Great name for a Florida mom. 30. Jesus, she looked 40. Tough life. She's accused of grabbing the boy by his hair and arm and holding him back while her son and another bully hit him. But how do we... What's the idea? Get upstairs.

Sit down. Sit down. First of all, how do we know? Maybe the kid had it coming. I love how you label the people, the bully in the article right before. The victim told police that he was sitting with his friends outside the sports complex at Indian Trails Middle School in Palm Coast. How many fucking towns in Florida?

When he was attacked by the two boys, his friends ran over to help, and at some point during the scuffle, the victim said that Ruffin restrained him, allowing her son and the other boy to continue pummeling him. Witnesses who corroborated the boy's story also told cops that Ruffin flashed a taser at one point during the brawl.

Yeah, that's very Florida, a mom with a taser. Anyways, that's what the sheriff's office said. The victim's mother reported the incident to a resource officer at the middle school. Is that how you handle it? Why don't you go find her, mom, or have your husband go find her and take care of it, the way we used to do things. Anyhow. To a resource officer,

I don't even know what that means, at the middle school on Wednesday, who in turn flagged it to the sheriff's office. See, my old man would have went, where's this whore live? And we went down there and got our dress and knocked on the door and said, come on out here, I want to talk to you.

And he would go, oh, look, your shoe's untied. And she'd bend over and he'd crack her in the head. But that's not right. No, he never hit a woman. Just my sister. She came in at like 3 in the morning. I stayed up for that one. She slapped him across the face.

I was belly laughing. That's why The Sopranos is the greatest show ever. There's a scene when Meadow comes in late. Fucking Anthony stays up to watch it. Tony Soprano's wife yelling at Meadow and fucking Anthony goes, yeah! And fucking Tony chases him up the stairs. I get slapped because of something my sister did once. Anyways, yeah, my open hand right across my sister Gina's face. Ruffin was hit with battery and child abuse charges. She has denied that she tried to hurt a child and claimed in Facebook live video that she was only trying to pull her son away from the altercation. Really? Is that why

you brought the laser? Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. The juveniles involved in the altercation may also face, really, a little scrum. The mother is the only one should be facing anything. The juveniles involved in the altercation may also face battery charges, authority said. And get her face down. She's making me angry finally tonight on meet the press I don't even know what's finally no it's not oh it is actually it is keeping the show tight Indiana Jane what's that? Well, I'll tell you what.

Phoebe Waller Bridge, like she's a household name, sounds like a bridge you'd go over in Phoebe Waller, the town of Phoebe Waller. It's the Phoebe Waller Bridge. May replace Harrison Ford as a lead in Indiana Jones. Who, have you ever heard of this, Brian? Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you?

Well, I'm Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Phoebe Waller-Bridge may flip the script on Indiana Jones. Can I ask you a question? Do the feminist whores that run Hollywood ever leave it alone for five seconds? Are there going to be any men left, any white guys left, heterosexual, in any movie or TV show, would you say, in 10 years? They can't leave it alone for a second. I personally didn't see Indiana Jones. You know why?

Because it's nerd shit. Could give a fuck less. I saw the trailer, big giant rock rolling behind him, and I said, that never happened. I was into movies, you know. Even as a little kid, I had very heavy taste. I'd watch, you know, I don't know, Truman Capote's In Cold Blood.

I'm like eight going, ooh, that's a good one. And, you know, Debbie Does Dallas when I was nine. And it progressed. The Beside Adventure. Brian's Song. Schindler's List, the feel-good hit of that summer. What? Anyways, flip the

script on Indiana Jones. Again, I don't care about Indiana Jones. I know it was a great movie. Made trillions of dollars. Harrison Ford, blah, blah, blah. But the point being is, eventually Batman's going to be Bat. There is a Batwoman, right? She used to be a piece of ass.

The English actress, 37, could be replacing Harrison Ford as the lead in the fifth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise, which is set to hit the theaters next summer, according to the Daily. Can you just let guys have a little something? It's just so ridiculous. See, I can't suspend my disbelief. This is why I haven't been to movies and it's it's why I only watch like Scorsese and and it's the same when

I read my nonfiction I can't suspend my disbelief I can't go to a movie and watch Angelina Jolie beat up eight Navy SEALs I just can't get past that because it's never gonna happen not in a million trillion and never did happen I can't get past that. Because it's never going to happen. Not in a million, trillion, it never did happen. I can't. That's why I, anyways. I've never seen one of those Marvel movies fucking. I like the Joker, the last Joker movie,

because that guy was insane. And you'd find somebody like that in New York. There's no doubt. Sources told the outlet that producer Kathleen, my vagina is very angry, Kennedy, was looking into make big changes, which could include replacing the lead character with a woman. She said, I'm allergic to cock.

Always have been. Don't want him on the set. Don't want him near me. It would be a huge statement and a great role for Phoebe one insider told the mail my vagina is angry it is it's pissed off my vagina your vagina is giving me a headache shut it anyways I'm sure there's a bunch of nerds out there who'd agree with me, who probably don't even like my politics, but go, you know what, goddammit,

Indiana Jones is an iconic character. Leave it alone. Gonna replace Archie Bunker with fucking Phoebe Cates or some shit. Can we leave the shit alone, please? That is it ladies never good to be back I did I missed you guys especially the heavy ones I lost my mind hey two more days my kitchen supposedly done but I heard I heard that you know five weeks ago. But all the appliances are going in today. Oh, my God. Do you understand? I don't have a penny to my name. Not a goddamn penny. So I'll be selling blow to kids at all the schools in the Savannah area.

That is it. How do I wrap this up? Don't forget thecomicsgym.com. Don't forget nickdip.com. Check the tour button. I'm doing some stand-up towards the end of the month. I can't remember where. Click the tour button.

Don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to cameo.com. Click on my profile. Tell me about the person. And I'll make a video on my phone roasting them. It's a lot of fun. People love it. Or say happy birthday to your sister,

who you haven't talked to in 10 years in Seattle, because she's a lefty douche. Anyways, that is it. You guys think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Good to be back. Talk to you then. guitar solo guitar solo Thanks for watching!