The Nick DiPaolo Show - Manchin Buries Build Back Better | Nick Di Paolo Show #644

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

McConnell says Manchin would be welcome. Some dems to leave party. Eric Adams the feminist. Pelosi gets heckled. AOC blasts Manchin, and democracy.

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You can do all this at thecomicsgym.com and click on an Encore episode or patreon.com slash the Nick DiPaolo Show. Thanks for supporting, and I can't wait to hear what some of you guys and gals have to say. Talk to you soon Welcome to the Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm Stu McGillicuddy, in for Nick. How are you folks? Happy Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa.

Again, Kwanzaa, my favorite. Going back, the tradition is rich. What was it, April of 97, I think they started with Black Friday at Walmart and took off like a... It's the holidays. I'm not in the... I live in Georgia. I don't fucking... It feels like it's fucking

not a September 3rd to me. Even in the stores and... Oh, and I got a quick... I'm telling you. It's not easy being me. That's the moral of this story. I go to fucking... Oh, my wife's going to hear this.

Well, anyways. I'm at a store buying something for the old lady and my wife. And I'm in line, and I'm like three deep, and there's like four people servicing people. And the bride in front of me keeps kind of, I move up one, now I'm next. And she keeps looking at me, and I'm sort of, I move up on, now I'm next, and she keeps looking at me, and I'm sort of, I feel like she's giving me this stink eye. All of a sudden, it's my turn, she calls somebody over, she goes, I'm going to take a break. Now, I'm not being fucking paranoid,

all right? She must have saw the show or doesn't like me, it happens. That's my wife. But there was, very weird, she's like whispering and kind of looking at me. or doesn't like people. It happens. Ask my wife. But it was very weird. She's like whispering and kind of looking at me. The fuck, man? I haven't given anybody an STD since high school. What the hell's going on down here? I'm telling you.

It bugged me for about 10 minutes. Then I went, hmm. She looked too young to like the show. She was like 11. No, she was probably in her mid-20s. But she definitely had a beef with me. I don't give a shit what anybody says. Maybe it's because I had a book on transgenderism

and I was tearing the pages out as I was waiting and peeing on them. Anybody? Why do I have rosy cheeks today? What am I, a half a fag? What the fuck? Look at this. What the hell is going on here?

My mother wrote a Christmas song for the show. She used to dabble at music. Here it goes. She can write good lyrics. She's not good with playing the keyboard. She's horrible. Stroke of my lick of my suck of my cock It's the first time for you So here's what you do She wrote the lyrics

She's like, you know, Dolly Parton Writes a lot of songs for other people This is one of her big hits Oh, mama Mama Mama Oh, Santa Claus Mama Mama Of Santa Claus Mama

Alright She's a real pig sometimes Hey Now she's hogging the show How dare you Alright Dallas What time do we fucking start? I didn't even look

Alright we're 7 minutes in Ugh What time do we fucking start? I didn't even look. We started at about 12.55. All right. We're seven minutes in. Ugh. So I got 12, 20 of. Okay. Let's start it. In the N-word segment tonight,

professional sports once again are in flux because of COVID. The NHL is putting its season on ice after tonight until the 27th of December. And the NFL and the NBA have had to make schedule changes and roster changes as well. And I believe these decisions are as dumb as putting a turbocharger in a Zamboni. This country's population, folks, is 340 freaking million people, and there hasn't been one, not one single death from Omicron, which is a strong cold, by the way. Shit, Alec Baldwin has killed more people in 2021 than this latest bogus virus. By the way, more than 100,000 people in this country a year die of fentanyl overdoses.

But never mind them. Let's make sure Kyrie Irving doesn't give his teammates a slight fever on their shits. Remember, remember they said two weeks to flatten the curve? It's been two friggin' years. How many more days do we have before we can all flatten Fauci? He, Bill Gates, and his other globalist asshole friends are playing you vaccinated, mask-wearing, virtue-signaling sheeple

like a Les Paul guitar. Wake the fuck up. Those are the only games being played, and they're on us. That's the N-word for tonight until my producer comes up with an ending we've been talking about for a fucking year now. He's busy. Ex-military guy. He's got drinking

to do. Anyhow, I just, God help me, man. I'm going to fucking punch somebody. People just walking by my house with a mask on by themselves. What are you doing? What are you basing

that on? It can't be fucking CNN. They have no fucking people watching. They're all out molesting underage girls, except for Don Lemon boys. But what the fuck? Don't you follow the science. Follow your fucking eyes.

How many times am I going to say this? Watch an NHL. They have 18,000 people in an indoor arena since October. Nobody's dying from it. So what are you basing it on? Please read about Bill Gates and how creepy this guy is and what his goal is and Fauci's connections with Big Pharma, and you'll fucking want to strangle somebody with that mask.

Stop playing the game. Nobody's died from it. It's a goddamn cold, and they label it something scary, and you assholes buy into it. Not you guys. You're my fans. You think like I do.

If there's one of you sitting home right now with a mask on, I hope you have a heart attack in your sleep. Unless you're a little kid. Then you could get hit by and you sleep. Unless you're, you know, a little kid. Then you could get hit by a school bus. What? Why would he say such a thing? Oh, I don't know.

It's immature hour. Nick DiMatto. Swallow the goo Tonight Yeah I'm just I'm fed up with the world I can't I just friggin can't I'm tired of talking about Joe Manchin The guy votes the way he's supposed to vote

To save the country And he's the fucking enemy number one And you people keep voting Democrat Because apparently you want a Marxist fucking nation Even though you didn't vote for Biden country and he's fucking enemy number one and you people keep voting democrat because apparently you want a marxist fucking nation even though you didn't vote for biden i don't give a fuck what everybody said i keep thinking about when uh trump was giving those rallies near the end of his campaign had about 25 000 people remember biden was up the street in front of three toyotas like 11 mexicans in each one and apparently that was enough to put him over the edge.

What a lying sack of shit. And he says, he's trying to make this a vaccinated versus un-vaxxed, which is total a fucking, it's tonight, his speech, or today. Tommy's like, you should wait for it. Yeah, no, I don't think so. What am I fucking, what am I doing? David Muir and ABC Nightly News. But you hear what he said on Sunday?

This winter, there's going to be a lot of deaths and sickness and deaths for unvaccinated, which is totally the biggest lie going. I saw a doctor last night on TV. I'm sure he knows more than, you know, I don't know, Joy Reid. But he said it's a good sign, this Omicron. This is what happens during pandemics when it mutates, but nobody's dying from it. It's a sign the pandemic is an endemic now. It's coming to a fucking end. It's actually a good sign. And there's Biden and CNN, MSNBC, New York fucking Post, by the way, drudge, just out there scaring the shit out of you people.

Just scaring the shit out of you. Not an ounce of truth to it. Oh, we're going to be wearing masks the rest of our lives. That's what Fauci, you know, he hinted at that. And don't have people over to your house for Christmas that unvaccinate. Okay. Don't like half my relatives anyways. That's not true.

Love them. Especially the unvaccinated ones. Anyways, what am I going to have a bouncer at the fucking door? Hey, Grammy, let me see your papers before you come in here and hog this stuff. I just wanted to get that off my tiny little chest. Okay. Yeah, so Joe Manchin's the big bing, bing, bing. And Mitch McConnell is in the news and very, very excited about Joe Manchin. He thinks Joe Manchin might come over to the Republican side.

I'm paralyzed from there. I bowed down. Joe Manchin might come over. I was talking to Joe today. I said, Joe, we got an opening over here. Apparently, you don't get along with your party. Hey, it seems a dumb cunt. You know that. Come on over, Joe. Where you going with them dentures in your hair? Oh, that would be Joe Manchin, I'm sorry. Hey, Joe. Where you going with them dentures in your hand? Oh, that would be Joe's mansion, I'm sorry. Hey, Joe.

Come on over to the Republican. I better shut that up before we get flagged and the show's not worth anything. Anyways, Mitch McConnell revealed that he'd be open to West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin joining the Republican Party after several conflicts with his fellow Democrat. They're not Democrats anymore.

They're Marxists and they're socialists. And Joe is not. Thus the rub. Why are we doing such hard politics on this show? I'm going to get to dick jokes. It's not in 2022. On Monday, Mercado appeared on the Guy Benson show. He was on Benson's podcast. By the way, he's a fruit cup, I heard, too, to discuss, a very smart one, to discuss Manchin's recent announcement that he would vote no on President Biden's Build Back Better plan in the Senate, effectively ending its chances of being

passed. Well, is it or isn't it? I hear they're going to have another shot at it maybe in the spring. I'm telling you people, and I said it yesterday, this is all theater, folks, because the 10 people that run the planet, they want this country to be socialist, okay? And so in the spring, they'll fucking, oh, we came to an agreement when they, you know, if the Republicans were real Republicans, they'd fucking, you know, first of all, Biden should be impeached for 19 different reasons. But anyways, I'm just saying, don't get all excited. Here's a video of Captain Personality on the Guy Benson show. I would imagine that your Christmas perhaps got a little bit merrier yesterday,

right around, oh, I don't know, 9, 9.30 a.m. Eastern time, when your Democratic colleague, Joe Manchin of West Virginia, appeared on Fox News Sunday with Brett Baier and announced that he's a no on Build Back Better. For anyone who missed it, cut one. Here's what it sounded like. So when you have these things coming at you the way they are right now, I've always said this, Brett,

if I can't go home and explain it to the people of West Virginia, Pause. You can't explain it to them people of West Virginia, I can't vote. You can't explain it to them, but let's be honest. You're fucking inbred. It hurts me to say that, but I've seen the whites of West Virginia. I have watched documentaries and a lot of that, but look, West Virginia University is there. Blue Ridge Mountain, Shenandoah River. Life is old there, younger than the trees. Blowing line, country road.

Take me to my cousins. I'll let him finish the dickhead. And I cannot vote to continue with this piece of legislation. I just can't. I've tried everything humanly possible. I can't get there. You're done. This is a no. This is a no.

All right. Senator McConnell, did you have any inkling that he was going to do that yesterday? That was Joe Manchin on Brett Baier on the Sunday show that Chris Wallace just left. And everybody at Fox is laughing their balls off because Chris Wallace never broke a big story in 20 years on that show. Then that silly girl leaves for CNN Plus, by the way, something you have to pay for. Anyways, Brett Baer sits in as an interim host and gets the story

of the week. So Fox is just just torching CNN. Prediction here, CNN's going to just clean house. They're going to just fucking get rid of it

if they know what they're doing. But let's listen to some more of this boring shit. Before he did it. Not an angling, but a hope. Ironically, at my wrap-up press conference at the end of the session last Thursday,

I said the single biggest thing Joe Manchin could do in the country is to kill this bill. Or to kill my wife. That would be a big favor, too. I don't even like girls. It is absolutely inappropriate and unnecessary at a time of refinement.

So are you, you silly batch. Enough of that, Mama Luke. Ugh. Well, silly, that's right. He did them a favor. He did America a favor. I have a hairball to my throat. I don't even have a cat.

Anyways, it was an exciting thing to hear, he added. You could hear the excitement in Mitch's voice. Jesus Christ. Was he born on the moon with no oxygen whatsoever? It was a great shot in the arm for the country. I think it is exactly why the country needed it at this particular time. Benson also asked McConnell for his phone number, they want to go dancing Sunday night, for his opinion on the reaction from his Manchin's Democrat colleagues in the White House in regards to Manchin's vote.

And he said, I was shocked at the vitriol. Were you really? He was shocked that a bunch of fucking Marxists were angry at a guy who's doing what you're supposed to do within the confines of the Constitution. And basically, it seemed to me that they were calling Senator Manchin a liar, which I've never heard. I think that was not smart, he says.

This is a 50-50 Senate. It's going to be 50-50 for another year. And believe me, this is not how I would handle a disappointing vote like that. He remarked that Manchin's status as a moderate has put him at odds with his own party. Boy, you're a detective. And added that he would certainly welcome Manchin to the Republican Party. They have to time him in the 40 and see what he benches. He doesn't fit well over there, but that is a decision ultimately that he has to make. We certainly welcome him to join us if he was so inclined. Jesus Christ, it's enough of this fucking story. Benson then asked if the defeat of the

Build Back Better plan could lead to a Republican majority in Congress in 2023. McConnell in 2023, well, okay, you mean 2022, and then you, I get it, admitted that he's feeling more optimistic after this defeat. I would think so. Yes, sir. Wow, thanks for telling us what we already know, Mitch, that he doesn't get along with his Dem colleagues. He should have been a Republican years ago, but you know what? Wow, thanks for telling us what we already know, Mitch. That he doesn't get along with his dem colleagues. He should have been a Republican years ago.

But you know what? He probably looks at you guys as assholes, too. Become an independent, a libertarian. Transition to a woman. I don't give a fuck. I don't know nothing about that. Yeah, you do. I saw the dress in the closet. I want to wish you success with your new business

as long as it doesn't conflict with mine. This is a related story. Democrats may be jumping to the Republican Party. Monday on Fox News, primetime. Jesus, what was that? I went to breathe in and I got a double. Host Brian Kilmeade asked House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who I don't trust, I like Kilmeade, good guy, by the way, to speculate about the possibility of Senator

Joe Manchin swapping parties with the help of former President Trump. Why would Trump have to get involved? McCarthy recollected working with Manchin in the past, but he referred to one member of his caucus, Representative Jeff Van Drew, who's now a Republican in New Jersey. He left the Democrat Party for the GOP. And look at him. Could you look more like a fucking Republican? He had no choice. Guy's a G.I. Joe doll. G.I. Joe meets fucking Sears. How was that guy a Democrat ever? Mother of God. I want to salute him just looking at that haircut.

Anyways, McCarthy also speculated there were more potential defectors as well. Are you interested in the real story? Yeah, not really, but it's my show. Remember, we had an individual register for the Democrat to Republican, and I think there are a few other Democrats out there that are thinking about it. Why? Not because they changed, but because the party has changed. Didn't Reagan say that? I didn't leave the Democrat Party. The Democrat Party left me. Well, I don't know where I am. Nancy, where's my diaper? Hey, Will? Well, it's over here. The Democrat Party is no longer the Democrat Party of old.

You know, the party of slavery. This is a socialist Democrat Party. This guy is sharp, isn't he? Is that what you want, socialism? You're a communist. Am I a communist? No. Huh?

How'd you like it? How'd you like it? They tell you all the time what to do. What to do. What to think. What to think. What to feel. What to feel. Do you want to be like a cheap? Like all you like it? They tell you all the time what to do, what to think, what to feel. Do you want to be like a cheap? Like all those other people? With those masks on?

Bah! Bah! I've got to listen to this bullshit. Do you want to work eight, ten fucking hours? You own nothing? You got nothing? You like octopus? Do you want a ciabatta on every corner, man, looking after you?

A ciabatta. Do you want to do everything you do, everything you say, man? Do you know I eat octopus three times a day? I got fucking octopus coming out of my fucking ears, man. That's a problem? I love octopus. Anyways, that was Tony Montana who jumped to the Republican Party right after he made his first $40 million on that fucking Colombian flake, okay?

I tell you, no kids. Anyways, Bernie Sanders says it. AOC and other. Bernie Sanders is pissed. He's got... I invented the goddamn party, goddammit. I don't understand why we can't pay professional ballplayers like teachers.

It's the other way around. I fucked it up, but here's Bernie. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. Hey! Not on my show. I think that clip right there is the reason a lady came up to me after the show. Seriously, where was I? Arizona

and handed me a... No, it was in Vegas. A JDL button, Jewish Defense League. I couldn't tell if she was a fan or she was just giving me a hint. Which you don't have to, by the way. I defend Israel every day on the show and dated many Jewish broads back in the early 50s. And that is out of step with the mainstream of America. He's talking about the Dem Party being more socialist. That is their problem. They're letting that wing of the socialist wing of the party dictate their policy,

dictate the intimidation. What the hell does that mean? Dictate the intimidation. Lucky for us, Joe Manchin stood up to it. Yes, I'm sure it'll make a world of difference, Republicans. I'll bet my mother's ass that that bill passes like in February or whenever they come back from fucking school break. Pussies. Oh, excuse me, chili I had at the, uh...

Oh, excuse me, chili I had at the, uh, the jingle bell, jingle bell. Let's get on to some more liberalism, some more socialism. I told you guys in New York, you're all excited about the black cop who was like the head cop in New York. They made him the mayor. Now that de Blasio is on his way out. Eric Adams is his name. And everybody's excited because he started to run during all the riots and shit and said, you know, hey, I've had enough of this. This is my city. And the only good thing he has said so

far, they asked him about, are you going to have a personal security, you know, team around you? He said, no, I carry my own gun. But you got to like that. But after that, what did I say? He's going to be another fucking lib. And again, I make a lot of predictions that are right on the money here, but nobody cares. That's why I'm heading to Hyena's in Dallas to make a fucking extra 10 bucks. Mayor-elect Eric Adams announced Monday that five women, I just think this is a guy who wants to look at broads at work.

Five women, political and civic heavy hitters, will serve as deputy mayors when he takes over on January 1st, including outgoing mayor Bill de Blasio's COVID-19 recovery czar. I didn't know they had a COVID czar. You notice the lefties like the term czar? That's not American, is it? Dallas, you're in the military. You didn't have to salute a czar, did you? It's very Russian. It is Russian. Yeah. For us to ensure that the city recovers, this is Eric Adams talking, the new black mayor, and those are the broads, the backup singers.

And those are the broads, the backup singers. What a genius. For us to ensure that the city recovers quickly while addressing the inequalities that plagued us well before COVID-19. Inequalities that, are you shitting me? de Blasio's wife, you gave her a couple billion dollars. And what did she do with it? You're going to start some program for schools.

Nobody knows where the money went. Shut the fuck up. Every city council person is black. What are you talking about? Just another guy who has a chip on his shoulder. We must have top leadership. So I got a couple of broads that nobody's ever heard of. That can both.

And ladies, look, no disrespect. You're probably great at your job. But that's not my point. My point is the NYPD has been mostly white guys for a long time, and that's fine. Bill Bratt and Giuliani were the best. I'm just saying. Life evolves on its own, society. So don't, you know what I mean?

It takes time. So don't always blame it on racism, Mayor Adams. You know what I'm saying? These women are probably good at their job. I'm just saying I know there's white guys who are better at it. How do you know that? I'm just saying. Because I know cops who have been cops for 25 years and watched female minorities come into the force and become a detective in eight minutes. Anyways.

Any cop would back me up on that. Anyways. Anyways, they could deliver leadership, both deliver for New Yorkers and representative of New Yorkers. There's that stupid... There's that mentality. You have to look like the people you're protecting.

I mean, what? How fucking stupid. But you know what? Here's what I say. Make all the police forces in every major city, especially the liberal ones, make them all black cops. That way we won't have any more,

hey, he's a white racist cop. Mark Furman said it best when he dropped the n-word on the radio. No. Remember that? Right after the OJ thing? I'm looking at Dallas's girlfriend Gianna's hair. I think she's 20. And I bring up OJ. Mark Fur she said, who the fuck, I might as well be talking about Thomas Edison's cousin who invented the, I don't know, the fucking Walkman. But Furman said it best. He goes, I'm a racist. I've spent 20-something years in black neighborhoods protecting black people. And I remember when he said that, and Oprah had him on right after, and that's when it turned. So just remember that. And again, Mr. Adams, no disrespect. I hope it works out well,

but it just seems like more of the same. Just from those comments, oh, inequality, you have to look like the people you, no, you don't. No, you don't. He said, my administration will understand the people of the city it serves, implying that all these other white guys who are mayors didn't understand black people. Who understood them better than goddamn de Blasio? He's got a black kid and a black wife. That doesn't mean he understood them. Good point.

Anyways, and each of the people I am appointing today has the experience, no they don't, and the skills to help us turn this city around the right way. Because if it was white, if we had one white person in there. Will you shut up? No. Will you? Will you please shut up? Will you shut up? Shut up?

Shut up? I'm making good points. You'll tell me to shut up. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm making good points. You'll tell me to shut up. Adams on Monday was joined at the announcement by former Manhattan Borough President Ruth Messinger. That would be a nice Jewish lady, so it doesn't seem too racist. The Big Apple's first prominent woman mayoral candidate.

Which one is she? You got Don Knotts going through chemo on the left. Jesus H., what happens to poor ladies when they get that old? They turn into Grampy. And then you got John Kennedy's corpse. JFK, that's what he looks like right now. I have those giant teeth. A man goes to a party.

The city's first woman controller, Elizabeth Holtzman, another Jewish, maybe German, Nick, why do you say that? It makes people uncomfortable, who thanked Adams for elevating women to key posts. Hats off to Mayor Eric Adams for recognizing the amazingly talented women in New York City and appointing so many of them as deputy mayors, said Holtzman, even not knowing anything about these broads, and a prepared statement. This gives all women and everyone who has been a victim, there it is, a victim of discrimination, nation of victims. Just because they didn't rip up the ranks, that means they were discriminated against.

They cannot wait to get whitey, white males the fuck out of the way. She says, hope that they can make it too. I don't even know what that fucking means. You're a warmy cocksucker, you know that? Exactly. Who wants to hear from her? Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are?

Who the fuck? That was a couple white cops who got booted. That was a couple white cops who got booted. Jingle bell, jingle the line, you know how. Nancy Pelosi was nagged, Nancy nagged yesterday. House Speaker, excuse me, when is she going to die? She's 81. Seriously.

Her and Biden combined ages, what is it, 311, 312? She has osteoporosis of the tits. House Speaker Nancy, Nancy Pelosi. That's not fair. She was hot in the early 40s anyways uh nancy pelosi uh speech on monday she was giving a speech in san francisco touting the benefits of the recently passed infrastructure and jobs act and was briefly interrupted when a heckler shouted the now viral anti-president biden chat pelosi was in the process of introducing someone to the uh rostrum the hell is that the fuck is that sounds like scooby-doo when a person uh off camera yelled let's go, let's listen. Here it is. Member of the state legislature. This is, this is it.

That was Jim Jordan of Ohio in the background. Let's go, Brandon. Let me guess, they're going to explain at the end of the article what let's go, Brandon. They have to do this all the time. Like when they bring up George Floyd and they go, he was a guy that was killed by a cop. Just to remind, just to keep the hate alive out there. Why am I stinking up this room? Don't let me do this again. Stupid.

Anyways, let's go, Brandon. That was the phrase that gained traction among some Republicans and critics of the president. How about football stadiums across the nation? 100,000 strong, chanting it. At the end it goes, it's code for a derogatory message. The fuck, what are we watching here?

Sesame Street? It means, fuck Joe Biden. Of course, the lady who came up with it, didn't it explain how she was interviewing the fucking race car driver? And he goes, I don't want any part of it. I don't want any part of politics.

Well, you don't have a choice. You were standing next to a lady from NBC who tried to turn a phrase and lie like they do, and she got caught. Did we already watch the video? Okay. These cigarettes are strong. I have no memory, folks. I left the house, right? I started to get in my car, and I go, ooh, I forgot, whatever.

I go back in the house. By the time I got there, I couldn't remember. If I told you how many times I opened a can of soda, put it down, and spent the rest of the day trying to find it, it's fucking frightening. Pelosi seemed to be taken aback for a moment, but did not acknowledge the remark. She's a true pro, according to the clip. The chant caught on, and here's the explanation that I just gave you. In October, when a dirty little whore reporter for NBC Sports was interviewing NASCAR driver Brandon Brown,

who had just won his first Xfinity series. I had 10 grand on him. I couldn't believe... He won a race at Talladega. Track stinks. Fans were chanting, F Joe Biden, but the reporter said they were saying, let's go, Brandon.

And it turned into this. She's obviously a fucking Democrat voter. She's trying to protect the president. And now it fucked them in the ass good. And you blew it. You blew it. You did, sweetie. Always stick with the truth.

Always stick with the truth. Football games last night got them both right. So did the goddamn kid I'm chasing. This kid is good, man. I'm still four behind with two or three weeks left. You understand, folks, there's over 100 people in this. I am number two. He's got 127.

I got like 123. Prick. He's got like 10 right already this week. And we got a few more games to go, right? Are there two tonight? Jesus. Kid's going to put up a 12 on me. Or he's going to be wrong about the last two, and I'm going to be right.

I don't even like these anymore. I think it makes me look cool when I go to the mall. That's why I do it. I stand around at the yarn barn and go, hey, girls, look at this. High school girls, watch this. I'll do a donut for you. You know how much time I've spent at the mall by myself, being on the road for 30-something years?

I was voted customer of the week at Cheese World in Vancouver. You know how much time I've spent at the mall by myself, being on the road for 30-something years? I was voted Customer of the Week at Cheese World in Vancouver. I was so lonely one day, I bought a girl her first bra. That is the funniest line I ever came up with. Nobody ever laughs at it. Picture that. Like a 13-year-old girl. I'm a creepy comedian by myself.

I don't know why she's shopping by herself, but she was in my joke. I fucking love that line. Sometimes it worked. All right, let's move on. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. Make me a sandwich. Shut up and make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. Make me a sandwich. Shut up and make me a sandwich segment tonight.

Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Okay? Pictured there. Again, after sleeping with me going, yeah, I'd say it was about that good. My vagina's angry. It is. It's pissed off.

It sure is. She looks good in some pictures. This sucks. I quit. Anyways, Cortez castigated Senate as an old boys club. Here it comes again. Here it comes again. Old boys club, code for old white guys,

who, by the way, founded the greatest fucking country on the planet. Those guys are really old. They've been dead for a couple weeks, I believe. But just a female lib from New York, just envious, wants a penis, not even in her, on her. She wants an actual penis. Castigated

the Senate as an old boys club Monday before slamming Democrat Senator Joe Manchin. Boy, that name keeps surfacing. For coming out against President Biden's $2 trillion bill back better spending package during an interview with MSNBC's fucking

hillbilly eyes. By the way, I came up with that. Now everybody's on it. I came up with it. Mark Levin MSNBC's fucking hillbilly eyes. By the way, I came up with that. Now everybody's on it. I came up with it. Mark Levin jumped on it, not even two weeks after I did. I said, he looks like the guy playing the guitar in Deliverance on the Bridge, his eyes. And Levin said it like only to a zillion people.

Anyways, a Morning Joe squad member, Ocasio-Cortez, described the upper chamber of Congress as very entitled. So you hear that? If you're a white guy like over 30, you're entitled. You got that job because you're entitled. You think anybody's bought her free drinks when she was a waitress this war because she has a nice rack? That's entitled too. Different type of

entitlement. Seriously, who do you think you are? I'm going to bend you over my knee and I'm going to make that little bottom all pink. Smacky, smacky. As your boyfriend Scarborough looks on, yanking it. I forgot he don't have no dick. Describe the upper chamber of Congress as very entitled, very privileged, and very protected. What a whiner. What a fucking, shut your hole. Oh, that song stuck in my head. While the House most reliably delivers the actual will of the majority of people. She's saying the House of Representatives, which is still majority Democrats, does what the will of the people are. I want you to let that sink in. How can you come out with a straight face and those tits and say that when Biden literally has the lowest approval ratings like ever, so does Harris.

She's non-existent. like ever. So does Harris. She's non-existent. Even people are jumping your party to Republican, and you have the nerve to come up and say my party knows what the people want. Seriously, think how myopic that is. It's a big word for me. AOC also blasted Manchin for saying he couldn't support the social spending legislation because he would be unable to explain it to his mountain state constituents calling that justification a farce. She said that was a, why do you think it's a farce? You're always calling them dumb hillbillies. What makes you think they can understand it?

I know they can. West Virginia, I love you. I'm going to buy a condo there. 12 bedrooms, $1,100. going to buy a condo there. 12 bedrooms, $1,100. It's a farce in terms of, you know, plain democracy because I represent more or just as many or more people than Joe Manchin does. Another lie. Perhaps. Oh, she threw in a perhaps, so. You're fucking crazy. In fact, West Virginia's population is 1.79 million. Of those 1.79 million, 1.4 million are related to each other. While New York's fourth congressional district,

which encompasses parts of the Bronx and Queens, do you know she didn't grow up in the Bronx? She calls herself, you know, from the Jennifer, whatever it is, fucking Sandy from the Bronx. She grew up, I was living in Westchester before I came down here. She grew up the town next to mine, like Briarcliff Manor. It's as ritzy, and she pretends she's a, you know, she went to BU to get stupid. I sound like Sonny Corleone.

You do go to college, you get stupid. Anyways, Queens and Bronx that she represents comprise this district. She represents about 750,000 people. That's three Latino families. However, Ocasio-Cortez saved much of her ire for the Senate's legislation filibuster, which requires 60 votes to pass most legislation. She doesn't like it because it didn't work for her this time. So let's get rid of it.

That's how they are, children. God forbid, she says, they might have to actually show up and stand or sit and actually have to talk and actually live out the threat of their filibuster, she said. It is unconscionable the way the Senate operates. It's fundamentally undemocratic. Why are you living here? God. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. Imagine she has the gall to question the guys who wrote the goddamn, who founded this form of government that still exists and people all over the world are coming over on rafts to

experience it? You're a little Marxist hoe. What we really need to do is crack down on the Senate, she says, which operates like an old boys club that has a couple of gals in it that have managed to break through. Ocasio went on. We need to actually institute some, we need to implement some institutional discipline, the lawmaker added, and former waitress slash stripper and welder. Further accusing Manchin of stringing the White House and congressional Democrats along through months-long negotiations.

He wasn't, he has stuck to his guns the whole time. He was saying this this summer. It's you chooches that won't budge. If you guys don't know what I'm talking about, if they pass this bill, it is filled with giveaways for illegal immigrants and, and just social safety nets that would break the bank. I don't know who wrote the book. I don't know if it was Saul Alinsky. I don't know if it was Noam Chomsky. But it was somebody who was a Marxist.

He actually explains how you destroy like a capitalist country by having people pour in. And you keep giving them benefits until the system crashes. explains how you destroy like a capitalist country by having people pour in and you, you know, keep giving them benefits until the system crashes. It's like, it's been, it's all laid out in my new book called Macasio's an ass before declaring his opposition to the bill on Fox news Sunday. Oh God, we have a video. Didn't I just say everything she's going to say? Yeah. No. Okay. Is she going to talk? Unibrow lady. With us last time we talked, we discussed how kind of pretty until she talked. Patient progressives had been throughout this entire process. Bill Billy Joe didn't pay off yesterday. What's your reaction?

My my peepee hurt. Well, I think what Senator Manchin did yesterday represents such an egregious breach of the trust of the president. And it's also you know, this is exactly why it's an outcome that we had warned about well over a month ago about needing to plan a contingency plan for it. It's why we insisted on having the bipartisan infrastructure plan coupled and passed together with the Build Back Better Act. But I think right now we are at a juncture where it's not really about, I think, being, I mean, of course, we have every right to be furious. This is me at a bar meeting her. Sorry, will you say something? But it's really up to leadership in the Democratic Party. All right. Is that why you decided to cut it?

I love it. Dallas cut it not at the end of a statement. He cut it like where he would have if he had met her and she was fucking yapping. And to her I say... Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you Fuck you Oh my aching stem My aching stem

The Senate adjourned on Friday she added And then he waited until everyone Was on vacation to say no I'm not what's he supposed to do go to your house And tell you one by one like you guys Never release big stories or leak shit at midnight on a Friday. Shut your nipples. No, I'm not going to vote for this.

He waited until there was a moment of minimal pressure when he didn't have to go back into the Senate when all of this stuff was happening. This is a very calculated timing. How does it feel? How does it feel? How does it feel? I'm starving. Here's the segue. I could go for some pancakes. What's the headline?

Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity. I got a buddy who loves the IHOP. I guess the pancakes. You can't really fuck up a pancake, can you? Dallas, I'm not going by you. I'm sure you found the place where pancakes were invented in Savannah. Actually have Aunt Jemima pouring the syrup on them. I haven't been. Aunt Jemima pouring the syrup on them.

I haven't been. One of my favorite jokes by Elaine Boosler, female comedian, not funny, but she did have a good one. She always talked about dating. She goes, this guy was just an ass. Type of guy, he goes, she goes, type of guy that,

he goes to the IHOP and orders chicken parmesan. IHOP was forced into damage control mode after an Alaska franchise posted a sign to the door of its restaurant blaming President Biden. Oh, no. Anyways, somebody put a sign at the restaurant blaming President Biden, this is the IHOP in Alaska, for the employee shortage. Once again, the truth hurts people's feelings. So somebody put this sign up in the doorway at IHOP that, due to the fact that Biden gave out way too much free money and nobody wants to work anymore, We are forced to reduce our hours during the week. Read a sign on the IHOP store in Wasilla, Alaska. That's the best of all the

IHOPs in Alaska. I was at the one in Anchorage. I got the shits from a waffle that you would... Anyways, I love it. Somebody put that up there. A photograph of the sign was posted to Twitter over the weekend and quickly went viral. Joe Biden sent the FBI to the kid's house. Eleven Navy SEALs kicked in his front door at 4 a.m. Anyways, it went viral before the original tweet was deleted, but not before the company was forced to respond to the controversy. First of all, this is great publicity for IHOP.

I can't, although, the one in Savannah, I see a line out the door on a Sunday. I wouldn't wait. When I'm at the airport, I see people, I count. I saw, I counted 24 people in line waiting for Starbucks. Do you understand? Megan Fox could have been giving out blowjobs. I'm not going to, if there was three people, I'd go, I'm going shopping.

That's a total lie. Anyways, in a statement provided to Nextar, IHOP confirmed that the sign had been posted on the door, but said that the sign was immediately removed after the company became aware of the truth. What? No. The company did not comment on how long the sign was displayed before it was made aware of that. This was an unauthorized act of one individual and does not represent, it should, you know

how many people are you going to scare away saying this guy's full of shit? It doesn't represent the viewpoint of IHOP. It doesn't? So you're for a nice socialist country where nobody works? Or the local franchise, a spokesperson for IHOP said, and then she threw in, have you tried our banana pancakes? And then she threw in, have you tried our banana pancakes? The tweet sparked a debate about the sign with some expressing agreement with the message.

Yeah, who wouldn't? You are correct, sir. Others fiercely disagreed with some pointing out that stimulus payments and enhanced unemployment benefits were started under former President Donald Trump. Yeah, which they were because the whole world is clamoring. They were like, how are we going to fucking survive? But once again, the Dems get a hold of it, and they make it permanent. This is what they do, always have done, and I, for one, have had enough. That is the show, ladies and gentlemen. According to my iPad, I'm out of sound effects,

so I must have missed the encore. I really got off to a slow start. That's it. Went shopping for the wife yesterday. Boy, chewing tobacco is getting expensive. Got her that. I got her a nice fucking Daisy air rifle, and I got her, I got her a nice fucking daisy air rifle and I got her what else

a padded bra no I'm kidding she's fine the bitch be fine you know what I'm saying okay I've had enough I sound like Rick Ross trying to wrap it up here

again don't forget thecomicsgym.com, please. Please sign up there on a monthly basis, please. I love doing comedy, but Jesus Christ, if I get on another plane, the odds of one of them

is going to crash. I swear to God, that's how I feel. I've been doing this for 30 years. You know how people always go, you can't win them all?

That's what I hear in my head when I get on a fucking plane. I do. It's horrible. Anyways, comicsgym.com. Don't forget nickdip.com. We have a lot of merchandise discounted because of the holidays. And cameo.com.

If you'd like me to roast a friend or relative, go to cameo.com. Click on my profile. Tell me a little bit about the person. And I'll record a video on my phone, and we'll send it to him or her and really make an ass of them. But they usually like it because they're fans of mine too. It's a great holiday gift. I'm not kidding.

That's it. You guys think it. I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time for the final day of the week. Take care. guitar solo We'll see you next time.