The Nick DiPaolo Show - Midterm Mashup

Episode Date: November 8, 2018

Dems Deliver House. A.G. KO’D. Trump vs Asshole Acosta. Inmate Eats Eye.

Thank you. Yeah. Hey. Hey. Welcome to the big show, everybody. On a Wednesday. How are you? Streaming live on Facebook and YouTube and other places. We'll do it live. We always do. We'll do it live. We always do.

We'll do it live! Take it easy, Billy. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. How do I feel today? I feel like this. You've got to get mad. You've got to say, I'm a human being. God damn it.

My life has value. No, it doesn't. I'm as mad as hell welcome to the show 833-599-6425 833-599-6425 the phone number dates real quick you can get them at nickdip.com this weekend uh friday and saturday night i'll be at comics mohegan sun unconsville connecticut saturday november 17th the comedy shop bud lake new jersey This weekend, Friday and Saturday night, it'll be at Comics, Mohegan Sun, Uncasville, Connecticut. Saturday, November 17th, The Comedy Shop, Bud Lake, New Jersey.

Friday, November 30th, and Saturday, December 1st, The Corner Comedy Club, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. Saturday, December 22nd, The Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs. That's a brand new one. And then New Year's Eve, Monday, December 31st, Tarrytown Musical, Tarrytown musical tarrytown new york saturday january 12th fairfield theater excuse me fairfield connecticut saturday january 19th bobby v's windsor locks connecticut saturday january 27th to ventura harbor comedy club

ventura california uh friday april 26th the steel Steel Stacks, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. As far as the California trip, I'm texting back with Joe Rogan right now, back and forth. He's going to try to get me on on like Friday morning. I think it's the 25th of January or 26th. I'm not sure. And then I'm going to line up gigs for that night, Saturday night and Sunday. I'm in Ventura at the Harbor Comedy Club. And then that Monday I'll be doing the Dave Rubin show out there, which is a huge show.

I don't know when they're going to air it, but a few people complain that I go out west. I'm coming out west. Again, it all hinges on Rogan. He said he would open the studio at any time for me, last time I was up there. So we shall see what's going on. Fat Black last night, great show,

except for three drunk people just talking loud the whole fucking show. Years ago, I would have snapped and ruined the fucking show and polluted the room with all kinds of bitchy. I've learned in the last five years to calm it down a little bit. The whole show, just drunk, talking fucking loud. I call them on it, and they think I'm an asshole, that type of shit.

After the show, who comes up into the fucking green room, which is a little balcony? Three people, naturally, to fucking say how much they love me and blah, blah, blah. And this girl, one of the girls who was actually trying to listen, it was the other guy and girl that were fucking drunk. But this girl comes up and says, I'm her favorite comic, blah, blah, blah. She takes out her phone.

She's got pictures of me. Like 11 different shows she's come to see me. And this is how they behave, the people that like you. So just to give you an idea what we fucking go through. It was, you know. But it was good. It was a lot of people. I mentioned that this show and get a nice round of applause in the room. And they definitely liked when I did my right wing stuff. And, uh, it was pretty encouraging. And speaking of that comedy central

has a new show where comics go up now and do like 10 minutes of political topical shit. And they're crying to have me do it. And I'm saying to Comedy Central, go fuck yourself. I've been around forever. You didn't put me on your record album. You didn't give me a fucking show like The Daily Show. Or you gave Jim Jeffries a fucking show. All this liberal horse shit.

And now you need somebody for this show. You need somebody with the opposite point of view. Well, you know what? Tough fucking shit. That's what I say. You had tons of opportunity. Yeah, they were good to me, Comedy Central, back in the fucking mid-90s. And they keep bugging me. I keep getting messages and stuff. And you know what? Tough shit. And why am I going to go down? Again, this is taped in the village of New York City you can't get a more liberal crowd why do I want to go up on national TV and say fucking funny shit and some of it will fly but some of it won't

so you know I've been around forever this show should be on fucking national TV without cursing or with a cursing HBO showed any of you liberal fuck stains so you know what I'm not doing it. Unless you call and triple the

fuck the money, and then I'll think about it. Yeah, I'm not in a good mode. I didn't sleep a wink last night. My fucking head is pounding right now. I'm on the rag, which usually makes for a funny show. And you're going, how can we tell when you're on the rag? You're on the rag every night now. Riding the cotton ponies, we used to say.

But anyways. You know, why should I do them a favor? Why? Why? Won't even put me on the Comedy Central fucking, you know, record label. So, you had your chance. I'm here. We'll do it here.

And we'll do it live, as we said earlier. All right. The midterms, that's supposed to be big. We could have made these predictions two years ago. It wasn't a blue wave. It was a blue fucking ripple, as a lot of people are saying. They took over the House by no means a fucking blue wave. And the Republicans are actually adding seats in the Senate,

which is what everybody was predicting two years ago. So it was a big nothing last night, unless you get excited about the first lesbian Native American. And you should, because I think that's how we all see the world, the same way a lesbian Indian would. Right? What do you mean, Nick? They see the world differently?

Of course they do. Of course they do. First Muslim congresswoman. Good. Nice going, America. As Jack Nicholson said, you fucking people have no idea how to run a country. So you know what's going to happen, right? Because the House goes to the Dems.

They're already bragging about it. Adam Schiff, that pencil neck geek, that fucking Charles Grodin lookalike, he's already bragging how he's going to come after Trump with subpoenas and more collusion shit. So the next two years, you haven't seen, you haven't seen fucking instability. The next two years are going to be just fucking useless

anyways and you fucking you couldn't get off your ass some of you voters really Trump fucking crushed ISIS in a week the economy has never been fucking better met with fucking Kim Jong Un

did a ton of huge shit that Obama couldn't get done in eight years, and you guys sit on your hands on election night. But enjoy Nancy Pelosi as the fucking speaker, the leathery-nippled fucking liberal whose values have resulted in people stepping in human feces and dirty needles in San Francisco. Enjoy that, America. I'm glad I'm 50 fucking six years old. I'm glad I'm 50 fucking six years old. I'm glad. I hope my doctor, my next physical

finds a tumor the size of a fucking grapefruit on my chest. Be fun sitting here bald, bad toupee. Hey! Things are looking good. Hey! Hardly a blue wave though. Where's my coffee? Oh, my head's pounding.

Anyhow, what do you see? But here's what's going to happen. They're already bragging what they're going to do to Trump. They're going to go after his fucking tax returns, more Russian collusion, subpoena here, subpoena there, impeachment. You know what's going to happen when

they do that? The fucking left-wing goo-gobblers? He's going to get re-elected because of that in 2020. It's going to blow up right in your fucking face. Trust me, we can make that prediction now. We could have made the prediction for the results last night, two years ago. So why can't we do it now? Anyways, real quick, Jeff Sessions resigns as attorney general. All right, get up! Get up! Trump announced Jeff Sessions is leaving his administration after holding a press conference with reporters at the White House today. We thank Attorney Jeff. I love this.

He'd rather punch Jeff Sessions in the throat. We thank Attorney General Jeff Sessions for his service and wish him well. That's pretty curt, you can tell. He doesn't mean a word of it. Here's the little Keebler elf. What a disappointment. All I heard was a raging racist and what a real fucking hard ass. First thing he does is recuse himself from the Russia investigation,

which is, you know, it's stuck in Trump's crowd since day one, and then Rosenstein get hired, and here we are. So this was no surprise. They were talking about him leaving after the midterms, and he is. He submitted his resignation to the president, which he accepted. Trump said that Matthew G. Whitaker, the chief of staff for Sessions, would serve as acting AG in his place. A permanent replacement will be nominated at a later date. A copy of Sessions' resignation letter said the move

was at your, Trump's, request. So, I don't know. I say good riddance. Get somebody in there with big balls. Why did he go after fucking the thick-ankled dogface and her personal server and all that shit? You better bet that the next guy to replace him permanently

is going to do what should be his first move. I would think. I would think. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? Who cares? Anyways, bye-bye, Jeffy. See ya. Democrats pick up more seats after taking

control of the House. That's exactly how I feel. Democrats regained control of the House in Tuesday's midterm elections by slightly more than a dozen races. A dozen races remain undecided. Democratic candidates won

220 seats, three more than the 218 they need for a majority in the 435- member chamber, while Republicans took 198 seats. So that was hardly a blue fucking wave. Democrats flipped GOP seats in the suburbs of Washington. Oh, big surprise there. That would be D.C.

Philadelphia. Oh, really? Still the dumb white housewives voting fucking democrat you'll never learn miami chicago and denver democratic candidates knocked off republicans like rep carlos corbello in south florida republican dave bratt who was swept into office in virginia during the tea party surge that was four years ago and rep p. Pete Sessions in Dallas. They all lost. Democrats took control of the House for the first time since 2010 midterms elections. They fell short of taking over the Senate, where Republicans retained their 51-49 margin and were poised to add even more seats.

Get ready for gridlock like you've never fucking seen. I cannot wait to see Pelosi gavel in hand, spewing her liberal cockapoo in her late hundreds. You know what I'm saying, kids? How are the twinks? How are you doing in there? Fantastic. Fantastic?

Wearing your shirt and feeling good. Yes, you are. It looks good on you. I got to admit, even though you voted for Cuomo, I should come in there and rip that off. Ryan, what are. It looks good on you. I got to admit, even though you voted for Cuomo, I should come in there and rip that off. Ryan, what are you thinking? Ah, my fucking shoulder. I think I should do surgery on your shoulder.

That's another funny one. Why don't you try surgery on yourself? Because I think you have cancer of the funny bone. Yeah, like that. I got a super chat for you. Yeah, well, okay, go ahead. Chris Kaufman Jr., they voted in an open socialist last night. What the fuck is wrong with this country?

Yeah, they did. They did. But like I told you, it's going to backfire in 2020. I don't know. What's wrong with it? I'll tell you what's wrong with it. The Democrat Party and the mainstream media, as long as they work hand in hand,

this shit is going to continue to fly. All that finger-pointing, bigot racism, all that shit, you're a racist, you're a bigot, it works. It works. The right has not figured out a way to trump that, no pun intended. They really haven't. That method,

that philosophy the Dems have been using works. People sit home, ooh, they watch those ads. He doesn't like people of color. I'm not voting for... fucking retards. Playing on people's emotions. And again, uninformed voters. But yeah, you had Ocasio. I'll get to who won. Fucking...

Yeah, Cortez. That's who they're talking about. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She was on Jimmy Kimmel. She's fucking illiterate. She sounded like a 12-year-old valley girl. Every other word was like, like, like. They asked her about Medicare. She literally shit her pants.

I mean, but good luck with that. Good luck with it. I want to punch somebody in the fucking forehead. Here's some numbers, if you care. I'll rip through them about the fucking forehead. Here's some numbers if you care. I'll rip through them about the election. 113 million people voted last night, which is a record, I guess. That's 49% of the total population eligible to vote. A record for a midterm election in the United States.

38% Democrats, 32% Republicans, 30 independents. 33 flipped seats. 30 House seats have changed color so far, with the Democrats flipping 29 Republican-held seats, blue, and Republicans flipping one Democrat-held seat. 14 of those seats came from districts Hillary Clinton won in 2016. What the fuck? Of 25 Republicans running in Hillary's districts,

only three have been able to defend their seat so far. And eight seats in California and Washington are still too close to determine. Republicans have managed to pick up at least three seats in the Senate, including Indiana, North Dakota, and Missouri. Three races in Montana, Florida, and Arizona have not been called yet, but Republicans are leading in all three. A runoff will be held in Mississippi. Oh, Jesus.

Let's fucking, let's wait for those results. In Mississippi, girl, do they have voting booths? What do they use? Outhouses down there? Nick, there's no read. Mississippi's a nice thing. They're always at the top of the list with obesity, okay?

Have some more fried shrimp. Listen, there were 110 female winners. Like I said, the more female this country becomes, the more PC it becomes. So that is not a good fucking sign. Okay.

At least 98 women will join the house of Reps, with 84 Democrats and 14 Republicans, and 12 will join the Senate, 10 of whom will be Democrats and 2 are Republicans. Of the 98 female winners in the lower chamber, 42 were non-white women. All right, the future of America. Female people of color, watch this country cave. It's going to look like downtown Detroit or the suburbs of Cleveland. Democrat, listen to this, Democrat Ilhan Omar will be the first Muslim American woman in Congress. Well, that's just terrific.

I'm very excited for her. Alakba! Alakba! Alakba! Nick, that's wrong. No, it isn't. Good going, America. How'd it go? There were $5.2 billion spent on the election.

Here's one for you. A straggler Senate race between Democrat Bill Nelson and Rick Scott in Florida, still too close to be called, turned out to be the most expensive congressional race in the election. And you know that Stacey Abrams, the black chick who's tight with the Black Panthers down in Georgia? She lost, but she's not conceding. And that Gillum, that black guy in Florida, another fucking Israeli hater. And he's in tight with the Palestinian Liberation Organization. I read you all the anti-Semite shit, and he lost.

Thank Christ. A race still too close to call. Candidates including Democrat Gil Cisneros and Republican Young Kim have spent $21 million throughout the election. Holy moly. Anyhow, here's the best. Here was the best story of the whole thing last night of the midterms.

A deceased brothel owner. I met this guy at the comedy sale, Dennis Hoff. You know who he is? The, the bunny ranch out in Nevada. Remember they had him on HBO and shit. There he is.

I met him at the comedy. He's actually a good fucking guy well he became a politician anyways he managed to win an election last night for a Nevada State Assembly seat but he died last month died

he fucking but he beat the he beat the Democrat even though he's dead although polling sites were plastered and fucking he beat the Democrat. Even though he's dead. Although polling sites were plastered with signs declaring him dead, results show that Hoff had 68.3% of the votes versus Romanoff's 32%.

The budding politician was found deceased after a rally with porn star Ron Jeremy in former Arizona. Imagine, find your body and Ron Jeremy's in the house and Sheriff Joe Apio. That sounds like a fucking sitcom right there. Jeremy in former Arizona. Imagine I find your body and Ron Jeremy's in the house and sheriff Joe Apio. It sounds like a fucking sitcom right there.

A dead pimp and a, uh, sheriff and, and a porn style, the 12 inch cock walk into a bar. The assembly seat will be declared vacant since the winner is dead. Bullshit. Do a weekend to Bernie's thing.

Fucking pull, get, dig them up, put him in the seat. Let's have some fun. Can we turn this down, my headphones down just a little bit, Jace? Again, right there, that's good. So he beat, yeah, he's dead and he won. So, you know the Republicans, they should have killed half their fucking people running

last night and might have had a better shot. Ryan, those are nice headphones. Where'd you get those? The bathhouse in Austin? What? Internet. The internet? What are they, Beats?

AudioTechnica. Oh, AudioTechnica. That's Spanish for AudioTechnica. No April showers. Don't do it. don't do it don't do it let's take a call jason ramirez on line one jason welcome to the show what's going on fella uh don depaulo it's always an honor to speak with you uh i'm honored i'm honored to be in the veto level it's the greatest achievement in my with you. I'm honored. I'm honored to be in the veto level. It's the greatest achievement in my life.

Nice. I can't wait to start the show one day. You announced that you're coming to the Florida Theater in Jacksonville, Florida, man, because that'd be the first in line for tickets, but I guess I'll have to wait. Did you have the election last night, man? Go ahead, sir. No, go ahead. Go ahead.

No, I was going to say, with the election last night, obviously living here in Florida, I paid attention to that. I stayed up and got drunk as shit watched the kumia election special it was fucking hilarious yeah um like you said the the bill nelson uh rick scott race is one of the most expensive ones it's looking like bill nelson's gonna win that one i i'm pretty sure i heard that uh not bill nelson uh rick scott's gonna win that one and i'm pretty sure that i heard bill nelson yeah i'm pretty sure i I heard Bill Nelson's already conceded. We beat Gillum. Ted Cruz, which was, I think, the second most expensive campaign out there in Texas,

he beat Beto O'Rourke. So those I'm really happy about. The ones that I'm not happy about were up there in the Rust Belt with Wisconsin, losing Scott Walker. They lost the governorship they lost they they you know they voted for democrat yep uh michigan same thing whatever you know we've got to take those states back if we're going to have any yeah any decent chance to keep the white house in 2020 yes but i'll tell you this man like immediately immediately after gilliam conceded i started getting facebook posts and said well

i guess florida's just not ready for a black governor. Jesus fucking Christ with the race. You've got to keep in mind like, are you telling me? Florida's so racist. We've got a black guy running for the Democratic Party and then we've got a guy named Ron DeSantis as his Republican opponent and he's got a lieutenant governor

Jeanette Nunez, a female Hispanic running for it. So, like, can we cut the fucking racist bullshit? No, I just told you. Thanks, Jace. We have a time limit. I have a ton of calls to get to. I didn't mean to cut you off there.

But, no, they're not going to cut the racist shit. I just said that a couple minutes ago. That's been so, that philosophy, finger pointing, calling you a racist and bigot and all that shit. I just said that a couple minutes ago. That's been so, that philosophy, finger-pointing, calling you a racist and bigot and all that shit, Republicans haven't figured out a way around that yet. It's been working for the Dems. And unfortunately, with people pouring into this country, they buy into

that fucking shit. And again, the Democrats rely on college-age kids who come off a college campus with their heads filled with how racist this country is. And the media tells you every day, whether it's Hollywood movies or a commercial, a progressive

commercial, making the fucking white guy out to be a retard. All this shit's been going on for 30 years. And it's working. So they're never going to let that go. Fucking Gillum. Gillum was an anti-Semite. He surrounded himself with anti-Semites. And, yeah, that's why he lost, because he's black. My aching stem.

Bob in Pennsylvania. Bobby boy, what's up? Keep it pithy, Bob. Thank you. Oh, that's me, pithy. Hey, I love the show. Thanks. It's best thing on the internet.

Thank you, brother. I want to pass, I want to, you know, this lame duck session we're in now. Yeah. You know, he's drained the swamp and doing everything unorthodox using Twitter. And I don't see why we can't pass a health care law. If everyone, you know, work over Christmas or whatever they got to do to, you know, before this session ends. Right. And I'll let them work over Christmas or whatever they got to do before the session ends. Let them work over Christmas. That's the way Trump's been rolling, doing things different.

That's one of the reasons he got elected, because he's not the usual politician. You know what? Here's the thing. They said, well, now Trump will reach across the aisle and work with the Democrats and and they will get infrastructure done and all that shit. But if the Democrats agree to work with Trump, he's going to get reelected. It's going to make him look good. Trump's going to go in 2020. You see how I reached across the aisle, blah, blah, blah. So they're going to be the fucking pricks that they are led by Adam Schiff.

Thanks for the call, Bob. They're not going to like you said, it's going to be a lame session. It's going to be, you know, nothing's going to get done for the next couple of years. It's going to be hilarious to watch, actually. Maybe the people will finally stand up and throw everybody out. I don't know how you do that.

I think you have to fill out a couple of applications at CVS and say, we want, I don't know how it fucking works let's talk about ocasio-cortez to be the youngest woman ever elected to congress why is that a good thing uh new york democratic congressional nominee alexandria ocasio-cortez will win her general election race season become the youngest chick broad ever in Congress. Having turned 29 last month, Ocasio-Cortez defeated New York Dem Rep Joe Crowley in the primary election earlier this year.

Crowley was the number four Democrat in the House and seen as a potential speaker one day. Now he's speaking to his wife at home going, could you make me another sandwich? I'm fucking unemployed. His loss effectively handed the seat to Ocasio-Cortez, a Latina who has become a key left-wing voice. Good. Get her voice out there.

She's dumber than a bag of fucking rocks. So this will be fucking fun. She is the daughter of Puerto Rican parents and a member of the democratic socialists of America. I repeat. It's a member of the democratic socialists of a nice go in New York. I fucking,

I don't know how to get out of this state because unfortunately showbiz is down the street from me, but I really, if you guys know what I paid in property taxes and the fucking traffic I deal with and the just overall fucking, uh, I ran out. You know, I admire Mark Stein. You ever see that guy? He's on Fox News Channel.

He lives in like fucking, he lives in upstate New Hampshire. He has a studio in Vermont and,. And he's got a British accent, but he's Canadian. But he's on TV all the time. And all the people that made Big Bucks, Rush and fucking Hannity, Rush took off to Florida. Does the show from his house like I do,

only it's a little nicer than this. Anyways, yeah, Orquez. O kids a Casio again a socialist young Latina socialist is that the future if it is I'm gonna get off my lipitor tonight and start drinking heavily I want out look at him he can't even focus he's like a little kid he's literally Ryan's looking up at the ceiling like a little kid at a supermarket. I don't want to fucking hear it. I'm talking.

I look over, he's doing this. Just like a little kid shopping with his mother. Ever see kids that spin around? You really have ADD, don't you, brother? Quite possibly. No, not possibly. There's no doubt about it. You should be mainstreaming Ritalin into the vein in your cock.

Kind of funny, though. I look over, Jason's focused, and literally Ryan's in his chair going, I want the Cocoa Pebbles. He's a cute kid, though. He gets broads and boys. I get whatever I want. He gets whatever he wants, which is usually a lesbian Indian in Congress.

He voted for Cuomo. I had to go in there and rip his nipples off. I can feed him to my gerbil if I had one. Listen. Look at this. Look. You don't think I'm nervous about how this country's headed? Everything all right,

Jason, we still streaming. Let's, oh, we finally have a woman. We love to have women on the show because we don't want them in office. We want them calling the show though. Carol,

Carol, what's going on? Hey, first thing, those nice young men there, re-injurate to them. Never mainline anything into your dick. That's a very bad idea. Oh, bullshit. I did it last night. Baby aspirin right into the head of my cock, and I slept like a kid. You're my prime example.

Nick. What's up, Carol? right into the head of my cock and I slept like a kid. You're my prime example. Nick, the president got just exactly what he wanted. He wanted the Senate. He's done with the House. He wanted the Senate. You know, there's a lot of judicial things he can do now. Nobody can stop him. You know, that's what it boils down to. And New York State sucks so bad with the Democrats there.

Carol, I hate to disagree with you, but yeah, he's going to get a few things done. But they already had the fucking Senate. They had the Senate and the House, and he was getting reserved. Now he's going to be tied up with subpoenas. They're already bragging. They're coming after his tax returns, and Adam Schiff's going to reopen the Russian collusion. And you're going to see nothing but dead... It's going to be deadlocked, don't you think?

What's he going to get done judicially? Because he has the Senate. All he's got to do is declassify. That's all he's got to do. All he's got to do is say it. I'm going to declassify and he'll get whatever he wants. Yeah, why doesn't he do that? That's a great point, Carol.

Why hasn't he done that yet? Because it's leverage. Why should he burn through his leverage before it's time? I don't know. I got a lot of faith in the president. Good for you. Thank you, Carol. Actually, a great call with great points. I like it. She says you get

a lot of leverage. Thanks, Carol. She sounds like a... She runs an organized crime family in Michigan. Why would he burn through that? I always tell my kids, don't ever know. Don't ever let Adam Schiff know what you're thinking.

As long as the house's agenda doesn't conflict with mine, I wish you luck in your new business. As you can see, I spoil all the twinks. I'm too sentimental with them, and they speak when they shouldn't.

Neither of them have seen The Godfather, and they're pretending to laugh. It really burns my carcass. Though April showers may come your way, it brings lesbian Indians that win an election in May. So...

Let's move on. Oh, speaking of lesbian Indians. And again, I don't have anything against Native Americans or lesbians. I like them in a porn when the girls get like a fucking Indian headdress on and another girl's rammed her behind, dressed like a fucking, you know, a fucking U.S. politician in 1860s stealing Manhattan. That's when I want to see.

Sharice Davids. Long shot campaign projected to turn Republican-leaning district Kansas blue. Nice going, Kansas. Holy shit. She's got Tiger Woods' mouth. Chief J. Strongbow's hair. She has the nose of every defensive back in the NFL. What do you mean?

I don't know. I've seen that mouth before. I don't know where. But she's a lesbian and a Native American. Good for her. That makes her terrific, I guess. this was her acceptance speech last night so she won

in Kansas in the middle of the country you got that guy Rawrbach who was tough on immigration. He's a really smart white fella. Kansas, what are you doing? We're fucked. I'm sure she's a fine

lady. I'm sure she knows all about maize and lean twos. Her favorite show is F Troop as a kid. Now she's on track to win Kansas 3rd Congressional District the political newcomer will be the first Native American lesbian woman elected to Congress wait a minute, now is that true?

how about Pocahontas? you gonna tell me Elizabeth Warren hasn't had her face in a clamato? we know she's a Cherokee so I don't know, I think we should do theancestry.com on this broad. I think she's second. It's a good point by Nick DiPaolo. Everybody be making it on other shows now.

You know, she focused her career on the advancement of Native Americans, all six of them. So I can see why she got elected. Jesus H. Christ, am I missing the point here? Do I not have my finger on the pulse of this crowd So I can see why she got elected. Jesus H. Christ. Am I missing the point here? Do I not have my finger on the pulse of this guy? I really don't.

Alongside New Mexico's Deb Haaland, she could be part of the class of the first Native American women in the House. That's terrific. It's going to look like a Thanksgiving Day parade, for Christ's sake. Maybe she'll reach across the aisle and show the Republicans how to grow corn. Pass around that peace pop, yo. She staked her campaign in progressive issues in tax, health care, and education reform, all pillars of her campaign.

Her stance on immigration reform became unclear after she said in a July interview that she supported defunding ICE. She later walked that back telling ABC that she does not support abolishing ICE. She clarified that she simply does not support the policies of separating children

from their families at the border. I support policies separating children from their families at the mall. They should have a little cage set up like they do on the border for the kids, right in front of One Potato, too. Parents can go shopping in peace. So she's a gay Indian. Good for her.

She went down on her girlfriend so fast one time it started raining. What? I don't. It made no sense. Okay, she went down on her girlfriend so fast one time it started raining what i don't it made no sense okay she went so when i used to have a great joke uh i said my wife's so frigid if i go down or too fast i get an ice cream headache that is the fucking as good a joke anybody's ever written and some fucking open mic at new jersey was using it somebody told me so i sent over the twanks to check it out. They both came back with black eyes and red nipples. Oh!

This goes out to Ryan. I'm gay. I'm really gay. I'm super duper gay. I'm gayer than a rainbow. I'm gayer than a... Swish. Oh, here we go. Did you see Trump banging heads with that fucking asshole Jim Acosta, who literally emotionally, I'd say, about a fifth grade emotional level. This guy is such a bitch.

I have never in my life. This is is such a bitch. I have never in my life... This is him and Trump butting heads today. That's Trump. You are fake news. Now here's the real video. This was great. This is why fucking Trump. I'd give him a hand job if I met him. Honestly, I think you should let me run the country. You run CNN.

And if you did it well, your ratings would be much better. If I may ask one other question, Mr. President, if I may ask one other question, are you worried? That's enough. That's enough. Mr. President, I was going to ask one other. The other folks. That's enough. Pardon me, ma'am. Excuse me. That's enough. Mr. President, I had one other question. If I may ask on the Russia investigation.

Look at him. What a cocksucker. I'm not concerned about anything with the Russian investigation because it's a hoax. That's enough. Put down the mic. Mr. President, are you worried about indictments coming down? What a disrespectful. Hold on.

Watch this. Oh, here's the funny part. Watch this. I'll tell you what. CNN should be ashamed of itself having you working for them. You are a rude, terrible person. You shouldn't be working for CNN. Look at the old lady.

I think that's untrue. You're a very rude person. The way you treat Sarah Huckabee is horrible. And the way you treat other people are horrible. You shouldn't treat people that way. Go ahead. Go ahead, Peter. Go ahead.

In Jim's defense, I've traveled with him and watched him. He's a diligent reporter who busts his butt like the rest of us. Well, I'm not a big fan of yours either, so to be honest. So let me ask you a question if I can. You repeatedly say you are the best. Mr. President, you... How about the fucking jerk-off? Is that enough evidence for you people that they're in cahoots against the president?

The CNN guy gets up and defends jim acosta for can you fucking imagine did trump ask you anything about jim acosta ask you a question fucking zero respect for this guy and meanwhile when obama was office we had to suck his dick for fucking eight years the press did that's all they did fucking disrespectful it's unbelievable that cnn still again they make all the money online cnn.com leads everybody as far as making you know it's clickbait that type of shit goes on cnn.com people click on it sorry trump is a thousand percent right but you see the disrespect acosta who who the fuck does he think he that looked like a comedy club uh with a heckler and and trump's like where's the

bouncer where's the fucking doorman anybody policing the room was like me last night telling these people to shut up six times uh ryan's really focused now what are you listening to in there how are the headphones they sound great are they good and you sound good thank you i should i took voice lessons this afternoon check this out what the fuck i didn't even drink last night i had a shot of jack daniels before i went on. I didn't even drink. I didn't have any beer. Anything. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm really super gay. Super chat. Go ahead. Patrick Dorr. Lesbo Indian Broad. Her rain dance only needs stray cats,

a can of tuna, and some free time in a recliner. There you go. I got one more. That was a good one. That's gross. Don't be gross to the gay woman. I got Jason Ramirez. Sorry for rambling. I forgot my place in front of the Don. 140 days to opening day. Viva DiPaolo.

Jason, let's be honest. You never asked me over for a cup of coffee. Then you come into my show. You asked me to do murder for you. And a 12-minute speech. I have to keep it pithy here. Five families. But thank you for doing a super chat.

I don't even know what that means, but somebody says I make 11 cents when that happens. Let's go to John. He doesn't say where. The elections, what we going to do. You called him a huge lib last time. Called who a huge lib? I'm confused. Oh, John. Yes,

John. Yes, John. What's going on, man? What's happening? Oh, I can tell you. I did. I called you a huge lib and you said I am not a lib. I'm a fucking Republican from somewhere. Right? Yeah, you said, I am not a lib. I'm a fucking Republican from somewhere. Right. Yeah. Hard right. All right. Yeah. 100% Harvard. What are your thoughts on jock itch?

I think a jock itch, uh, is something that, uh, Hillary Clinton's dealt with for years. And, um, yeah, 100. dealt with for years and um yeah 100 and uh rachel maddow rachel maddow has had the worst case of jock itch and uh but it's understandable she's got it she's got it on her face good one john i guess i was wrong i I apologize. Yeah. All right. Okay. All right, buddy. I'm serious, though. One note is that my doctor, she's a lesbian, 100% left. And I told her, I said, what about Jackich?

And then she says, we'll just take a better shower. And I said, well, okay, I'll do that, I said well okay I'll do that whatever it is I'll do that and then she makes some smite comments her and her assistant you know against Trump whatever like that go ahead vote democratic or whatever it is they on the way out and i was like jesus christ really right right in the doctor's office how dare they don't let her operate right yeah all right johnny thank you for the call yeah uh yeah don't right in the doctor's office they're bringing a politician you don't do that with your surgeon. Republican.

When Reagan got shot, he almost died. They rushed him into the operating table, and that was what he said before they put him out. I hope my surgeon is a Republican. Well, I have a bullet lodged in my ass. Well. I'm actually doing Michael J. Fox.

All right. Oh, my God. Jason, was that a mean joke? That was a horror. 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425. What the? You know why?

Just coffee today. This is my diet today. Coffee and four Kraft single slices that'll be a pleasant dump in a few hours our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name Trump

we already did that here's one for you Ryan here's the most here's everything that's wrong with white people. And one article that can you guys jump in the gun? Can you get the fuck? What do you get another show to do?

Wait till I come on. Jace, you're usually pretty good at this. You just gave it away. That's the big reveal. I was just really excited for you to make fun of that guy. Yeah, I know. Don't be. But this, you know, England is white.

That's the motherlamp of white people. And you talk about political correctness run amok. It's not there. I don't know what's to the left of socials. I don't know what it is. But you talk about self-hating, white, effeminate. This story encapsulates all that i love my man boobs and you should too is now you can put the fucking uh put the picture

look at that fucking body that's how i pitch hillary. With the hair on the chest and the way I am. Look, hashtag the way I am. How about hashtag change it? Let me read to you. And again, the only reason I think this is relevant incorporates everything that's happening to white people and it starts in fucking Western Europe. The British man has embraced his body rolls and man boobs

and is showing them off. This is him talking. I grew up as a bigger kid. Grace Hart, a 26-year-old financial advisor in Southampton said, I looked to the media for role models. There was your first mistake, you silly, white, pasty ass. But all I saw were ripped, chiseled

guys with jawlines longer than my life expectancy. That just makes me feel worse about myself, you bitch. You, you bitch. You can act like a man. What's the matter with you? So listen to this. So he turned to a crash dieting, calorie counting, working out seven days a week. Though he dropped about half his body weight, which he described as dangerously skinny,

Grice Hart said he still was unhappy. Oh, he was still unhappy. He's 5'10". I thought, listen to this. Not only is he a family, he's fucking mentally retarded. I thought if I lost the weight, I'd suddenly be popular and wouldn't have to worry about money. But that wasn't true. Where did you get that notion?

So not only are you the Pillsbury Doughboy, you're fucking severely mentally ill. Those tits on the left, seriously, those are nice tits. You take the hair off those or leave them on if you're from Greece or Italy. That's a nice fucking rack. Is that even real? And what is his diet? What has he been living on? Fucking heavy cream

and lasagna? Those are nice tits on the left. I've got to be honest with you. You think that's real? His face is kind of left. I got to be honest with you. You think that's real? Why is his, his face is kind of tan. I know, you know, you don't, whatever. He's a pasty Englishman, I guess that, uh, listen to this. He signed up for Instagram in 2016, hoping he could find fitness influence to get more tips, to keep himself slim. Instead, he came across plus size female models who are posting untouched photos of themselves online, something that changed his perspective on body image. So if this story

wasn't gay enough, he's using plus-size models as his role model. Do you see what I'm saying? This is a white male. I can't even, Ryan, you probably understand all this. I don't. I just, Ryan, you probably understand all this. I don't. I just. Even you're not as confused as this guy. I don't think. That's when he started his journey for body positivity.

Yeah. You positively have a shit body. Posting photos of himself in his underwear on Instagram. Oh, where do I get those? Give me my lube. Now he weighs about 170 pounds, falls a healthy vegan diet, and says he's uh never felt better so let me get this straight now uh now you have girl tits still and uh when you fart it smells like mustard gas because you're living on fucking uh kale and rocks okay uh he says i get so many lovely messages from men as young as 11 i bet you you do. To guys as old as 60. Yummy yum.

They say that they've never had a space to talk about body issues. You know why? Real men don't need a space. You know where you do it? In your garage, watching your big screen TV with five of your buddies watching the NFL going, hey, Billy, you're a fat fuck. That's the safe space for men to talk about.

Oh, goodness. He says, people don't talk enough about men and their self-esteem issues openly and honestly you know because nobody wants to hear it we're privileged we're white privileged men except for you by the way when you're gonna have the kid next june whereas women have a community to nourish each other and to talk about their issues, men don't have that. Guys, I'm just saying the tone of the whole article. I'm not being macho. I'm not being anti-gay. I'm not...

You've got to get mad. You've got to say, I'm a human being. God damn it. My life has value. Not with man tits it don't oh i'm sorry christ heart who's planning to adopt a baby with his 29 year old husband i didn't realize this guy was actually gay i guess that said he hopes he can be a body positive role model for his future child so you

want your kid to look at dad and go that's you know what that's what I want to look like when I take my shirt off in 8th grade gym class and I'm pummeled into a coma because half the guys in the gym class want to beat me up the other half want to suck on my tits

yeah you're going to be a kid's role model that's's, that's fuck off. Oh my God. You can act like a man. What's the matter with you? I don't know. Body issues. I wish there was somebody around telling me it's okay to look exactly how you look. He said, you don't have to fit in a box. You couldn't fit in a box. We'll put you in a plastic bag, like a fucking 20-pound turkey, you big white doughy dog shit. Not everyone

has to look like the cover of Men's Health, and that's okay. Yeah, but not everybody has to look like a woman with cancer in her fucking 30s. You make me sick! I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore! Look at those pits.

All the coffee is just coming out here. I should have put a couple of filters. I could have re-squeezed it. Then you get a nice latte with a touch of right guard. Yummy, yummy. For your tummy, motherfuckers.

Here's the terrific story. This one's going to wow you. A female in California ripped out her own eye and swallowed it in her cell after prison guards ignored her screams for hours. The gruesome ordeal took place last year at the California Institution for Women in Chino.

The woman who has not been named, let's call her fucking crazy. Let's call her CC. Crazy cunt. Has not been named. Has been screaming every 15 minutes for at least four hours before she got on the floor and tore her eye out. How do you do that? I can't even tear other people's

eyes out. I've tried many times. Never am I reaching into my own head. She had already eaten her eye by the time the guards rushed into her cell, and here's her... Anyway. Delicious. Thank you.

It's my left retina. Delicious. Delicious. Ah, the hoof. The woman identified only as inmate patient X was not being given medication, even though she had been identified as psychotic. I don't think she's psychotic.

She got a little excited. I once ripped one of my eyes out when the Patriots were losing to the Eagles, 35-3 at halftime. I could not bear to watch. The ordeal was detailed in a recent report obtained by the LA Times that is critical of mental health care in California prisons you're right they should have rapists and murderers and scumbags should have the best health care

that's who we should be focused on not the working class people who bust their balls 80 hours a week and have 5 kids let's focus on the fucking rapists and Chino you know what they should have for health care a box of band aids fucking rapist in Chino. You know what they should have for healthcare? A box of band-aids

and maybe some AcuraCrom. You remember AcuraCrom you guys? It's this red shit. Back when I was a kid you cut yourself. There's something called AcuraCrom it came in an eyedropper. It was bright red

and it would supposedly disinfect the cup. But, you know, your mother would put it on, and it looked like you were bleeding twice as much, and you'd start screaming. It was fucking retarded. Anyways, chief psychiatrist for the state's prison system, Dr. Michael Goldenshauer, wrote the report and said,

vulnerable inmates are allegedly not being cared for properly. Well, big fucking deal. The inmate who tore her eye out was evaluated by a psychologist, but a psychiatrist was not brought in to administer any drugs. Sounds like she doesn't need drugs. What do you give somebody that rips her own eye out and eats it?

Can you get her some Advil PM? She seems a little agitated. Maybe some herbal tea. Doctors said in the aftermath she had shown signs she needed immediate medication. The tragedy is that any competent psychiatric physician, a general medical physician, would have medicated the patient. And likely the patient's eye would still be in her head if that had happened. I'm going to call it.

Are we? One guy's flouting his man tits. This woman's eating her own eye in prison. Is the world coming apart at the seams? I'm sweating like, I don't know, like a guy doing a podcast in his basement. Nick's sweating like a comedian who's been in the business 30 years

and he's doing a show from his house. But Kira Kroh, it gives you the nice bright colors. Let's take a look. Oh, my elbow. Oh. Oh. I can't believe I got to go to Mohegan. I don't like fucking. It's a beautiful. I just I don't like casinos to go to Mohegan Sun. I don't like fucking...

It's a beautiful place. I don't like casinos, whether it's that fucking Atlantic City, I just don't like them. Something... I get depressed when I see people in their late 70s sitting at the Wheel of Fortune machine at 3 in the morning with a gin and tonic, wearing a members-only jacket and dog shit on their sneakers next to an oxygen tank,

and for some reason they think they're going to be lucky tonight. I don't get it. When did, uh, when did, when did like, um, little things that happen every day between black and white people yelling at

each other. We only report when the white people are yelling to black people, by the way, the New York post has one of these clips every day. I don't know why. But when did it become national news? This is the headline. Police charge white woman who berated her black neighbor.

That's in a national paper. Do you understand? That's my big point here. They cherry pick. And this is why the Dems took over the House. People buy this shit. A white woman berated her black neighbor. That's a headline in the New York Post.

Why is that fucking news? White people get mugged by black people every day, and we don't even report it. I mean, should we give it a little perspective? By the way, this white woman, I'd shoot her in the head myself. But this is why this is in this news because there's a clip of it i think and and and the the the black woman keeps her calm with this drunken white piece of garbage but that's why it's in the news look look how reasonable black

people are when they're being harassed by drunk white people when we all know for every incident like this i can show you 15 the other way around. That's my point. Please don't call me a bigot or a racist just reporting the fucking facts. Anyway. White executive loses job after racist rant toward

black neighbor. A white woman in North Carolina was caught on camera berating her black neighbor and a racist rant is now facing charges over the ordeal. What kind of charges would that be? So you're getting a verbal altercation because you're white now and she's, I get punched in the fucking eye for Christ's sake.

And I'm, it's like pulling teeth trying to get this girl charged with anything. So you're getting a verbal altercation now and you're going to get charged with what? Susan Westwood, by the way, she's a douchebag. If I was the black woman in this thing, I would have fucking cut her head off. But Susan Westwood, 51 of Charlotte, was charged Saturday with misusing 9-11, communicating threats and simple assault in connection to her viral tirade at the Camden Fairview apartment complex on October 9th. Again, why is this national news?

And secondly, assault? Assault? Simple assault. Assault doesn't have to involve somebody hitting somebody. I don't know the law. I don't know. Let's play the video of this

douchey douche douche. She was... Pause it right there. Pause it right there. I'm hot. She's wearing a vest from the Carmela Soprano line there's nothing fucking hot about her other than her whiskey breath just fucking retarded and and go ahead being beautiful being white

being my new wave do you do you live here do you live here I do actually one seat seven why do we feel that we need to be here like hanging out like on this beautiful like place none of your business why do you feel you need to be in our space yeah well I live here and I pay rent. I pay almost $1100. Wow! Just don't talk to her, please don't, because I don't know what's going on. So what's going on?

Okay, I don't know, but we can call 911 to find out if you've got a problem. That's cool. Well, I was about ready to go over to Red Rocks. Do you want to meet me over to Red Rocks? Oh, man. Okay, do you know where Red Rocks is? Okay. Yeah, my husband's pants. Okay, do you know where Red Rocks is? Okay. Yeah, my husband's pants.

Well, I can do this, too. I can do this, too. I can call 911. Okay, let's do that right now. This is National Nose, by the way. I want to make sure that there's nothing going on here. Because my kids go to Myers Park, so I want to make sure that there's nothing going on. What a douchebag.

And why are you hanging out? Where you live I must live where do you live here in this place please do because I want to get this on film honey because this Honey, cuz this is this is Meyers Park. This is supper Girl girl girl Ma'am, would you please leave us alone? I live here go over there then I pay all my pay rent to so please What do you pay? Jonathan know what you pay What a piece of shit what's going on?'s going on here babe ma'am what's going on here in this parking lot that you feel that you need to come right now i don't want to drop my my video so you go i'm gonna drop my video and i pay i'm live and i pay i make 125 000 a year

and i want to make sure that you're all up in there. All right, I can't take anymore. I can't stop. Girl, girl. All right, kill it. Yeah! Thank you. But can I, I'm just asking a question. Is somewhere in the country of 330 million people,

has there a black person been fucking berating a white person today or tonight? Nowhere. And if they were and it was caught on tape, would it make news anywhere? That's my only point. I'm schooling Ryan's generation because they've been convinced they grew up in the most racist country on Earth.

Cherry picking. I wouldn't mind if this is once a month they put Australia. The New York Post now, it's supposedly a right-wing paper, has clips like it every day. Every time a white person looks at a person on Colorong, we have it on fucking tape or whatever. And it's that type of reporting and that type of horse shit

that have us at each other's throats. At least the people are dumb enough to buy into it. Every day. It's the potent new pose but uh i'm how is she being charged with assault of any type of why is she being charged with anything other than being an obnoxious white drunken hoe well what's the charge there? Somebody help me, please. Look at her face. I want to. If I was that black woman, I would have cut the bitch. Let's go to Ben in Vegas.

Ben, what's going on, fella? Hey, Nick. So you hate casinos, so I guess you're not coming to vegas no if they give me the right if they give me the right money i'll come anyway uh you mentioned uh earlier in the show that you were receiving offers from comedy central and i think you should reconsider you should just go on and, like you said, Trevor Noah, the Daily Show guy, Jim Jefferies, these guys aren't even from America. You know, and they come over here and like, why don't you just go on? Why don't you just go on and freaking just call them out?

Just talk shit, you know? Who cares? Well, here's why. First of all, you mentioned Trevor Noah and Jim Jefferies. They have their own shows every night. A daily show. This is just fucking doing 10 minutes on a show that may or not make it. That's why. I've been around

30 years. I fucking helped build Comedy Central. It was called the Ha Network when I was coming up as a young comic. I did every one of their shows, and they helped me out. They gave me a couple specials on Comedy Central. I've been around uh whiz you know we've had the daily show of john stewart it's all liberal horseshit now they have

a show where they need somebody with the balls like me to go on and fucking give a because they need a counterpoint of view and the fact that they didn't put me on their record albums years ago and they had a chance they didn't give me my own nightly show fuck them that's what i say i still might do it i you know and and the other point is you do it in new york city you know uh the village underground i've played that room the last couple months and and you know it's filled with uh a lot of young people who believe that uh you know fucking democrats are right yeah and it's all that combined but you know what if i'm in a bad if i'm in a bad if i'm in a bad enough mood one night i'll call him and go i think i'm ready that's what i'm saying

yeah yeah i just think i just think like you you know if you have nothing to lose why not you know dennis miller's supposed to be on kimmel tonight you know i hope he goes on even if it doesn't make it just go on that speak your mind man man. Just let them know that not everyone buys into that factory. You know what I'm saying? Well, you say, what do you got to lose? And I'll tell you what. I don't trust these motherfuckers. I've been ambushed.

You remember Larry Wilmore? Wilmore? Yeah, a very bland black guy. He had a show a couple years ago. And my agent kept badgering me to do it. I kept saying, so finally I gave in, and I went on the show, and they fucking ambushed me. They tried to make me look like a fucking white racist, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, that's why.

You say, what do you got to lose? I can go on there, and they can edit. Even if I did well in post, they can edit to make it look like you bought. I don't trust them. I don't trust these fucking people. But, you know what, Ben? Like I said, if I'm in the right mood and they call at the right time, you might get what you want.

Good call, Ben. Thanks, buddy. I don't know. Thanks, man. All right. But it's just the point, man, that, yeah, I've been around. They know where I am. Last night, they were taping last night.

They asked me about it last week. And Liz, who I love that runs the Fat Black, said, will you go downstairs and do a set? And the only political shit I have, really, is based on the 2016 election. You know? I could go up there and not do jokes and just spew hatred, you know, my hate for them in the audience. I guess.

I don't know. What's it going to get me? What's it going to... Are they going to go, hey, we're going to give them a show? Yeah, Serious Radio did that. How'd that work? I don't know, folks. I don't know the answer. Instead of giving me 12 minutes on a show or 10 minutes

to talk about daily, give me a fucking nightly show like this. Cursing and all. Imagine if this was on Comedy Central. We'd be destroying both those shows combined. Seriously. Just think about that. Just think about that. You're my kid brother, Mike.

You think about that even once? I was stepped over. That's the way Pop wanted it. Not the way I wanted it I'm smart not like I'm dumb I'm smart I want respect

that's how Fredo was sitting in his chair he wants respect and he's sitting like he's paralyzed let me do my Stephen Hawking impression Let me do my Stephen Hawking impression. I found a black hole. I have two twinks working for me. Ryan liked that one.

He likes visuals. Anyways, my point with this story, and I know you guys, how is it relative? I'm just saying, that's how they report race in this country. It fucking angers me to no end. I get this story here. I'm not going to do it tonight. Is this girl Rebel Wilson? She's a fat comedy actress, I guess.

Anyways, yeah. But even this is racial. For white women who block black people on Twitter because apologizing is too damn much, that's the headline by Monique Judge. Anyways, now, you know what? Not important.

But again, the whole gist of the story is she was bragging on Twitter she just landed a role in some rom-com and she's going to be the first plus size actress to have a leading role in a comedy. And a bunch of black women said, excuse me, sister, Monique's been doing it and blah, blah, blah.

And she didn't reply to them. She only replied to white women on Twitter that said she was wrong. And because of that, the black woman said, she's just fucking racist. You don't want, you know, it's exhausting. And I mean, I can't do it no more. I was talking to Rebel Wilson.

Anyways, that's enough. I got to save some for tomorrow. Say it so I can hear you. All I hear is, why are you whispering it, dink? They I can hear you. All I hear is... Why are you whispering it, dink? They can't hear you. I know, so why are you whispering?

What a cheese dick. Go ahead, Super Jets. I got to. Chris Kaufman Jr. says, get your own platform. It's the only way to have no masters to answer to and truly be free and have free speech. Okay, Chris, that's right you're gonna fucking support it money wise and uh all this shit that i put in you know 40 grand into this fucking studio and shit i'll just uh throw that away and start all over no i get what you

mean we're working on that chris and i got another question is chris the only one in the goddamn chat room or is he only one has the most money in the chat room he does we love chris coffman he's uh he's a fucking uh loyal fan uh yeah chris i we mentioned that we're working on uh finding another thing only because patreon doesn't know how to fucking process credit cards and and and i i appreciate that they provide a platform but they again they live from san they don't know what they're doing business wise and it's making it way too complicated so as we speak Chris I am hunting around how about I just blow the whole thing up completely and go back to doing

stand up and dick jokes and making good money performing at Fuddruckers and at Titty Bars Jason says there's nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't conflict with how I make a living I wish the best of luck at the funny skid marks in Buffalo.

All right, that's it for tonight, folks. I'm tapped, as you can see. I'm shitting blood from my armpits. Go to nickdip.com for all the tour dates. Go see me this weekend, Comics Comedy Club. That's in Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut. One show Friday night, two Saturday. Nickdip.com for all your information.

I thank you guys. Seriously. The show's growing on YouTube and shit. So's the tumor in my neck, but we'll see who wins. That is it. You think it. I'll fucking say it. Not on Comedy Central. You're welcome. Here's a little something for you. Take care of yourselves now. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 I'm going to go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead and go ahead I'll see you next time.