The Nick DiPaolo Show - Milley Says Biden's Story Silly | Nick Di Paolo Show #602

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

Pentagon throws Biden under bus. Biden vax mandate fines businesses $70K-$700K. Sanders urges house to block infrastructure bill. Violent felons to be freed. Bill Cosby says R. Kelly got "railroaded".

Thanks for watching. Whether on social media or in our schools, on television, or from the White House, now more than ever our freedoms, especially freedom of speech, are being suppressed, and that's putting it mildly. That's why I do this show, and that's why I put it out for free. For those of you who are able, please consider contributing to the show in any amount so we can keep it free and maintain a forum where right-leaning, honest, unfiltered comedy exists. Just click on the contribute button on your screen or go to nickdip.com and click on the contribute button at the top. Thank you guys so much. Let's keep this freedom fight going. 3, 2, 1. Hello everybody, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, welcome to the show, how you is?

How you is? How you is? How you is? I'm just trying to hit this fucking... Fuck Steve Jobs. Fuck Bill Gates. And any other Indian or fucking Asian that had anything to do with this. iPad. Anyways, what's going on in your neck of the woods? Shouldn't be too nervous. We're going to have the National Guard handing out shots. Hear about that?

Firing nurses, cops, meanwhile letting people, criminals out on the fucking street, literally. Reading a story about in Houston, they're so backed up in the courts because of COVID. Do you understand COVID is a pretext for all this shit to convert our country into a shithole? I hope you understand that. It's all phony, yet you're still fighting over whether you're contagious or not.

Meanwhile, 200,000 people every weekend at a football stadium. Nobody gets sick. But let's ignore that, you fuckers. I'm not talking about you. I love you people. I'm talking about, you know, leathery nipple Pelosi and the other cunts that have ruined this country.

Cocaine. Anyhow, yeah, so they're in use and they have a backlog because of COVID. 11th of the new district attorney comes in. So they're letting violent criminals, if they don't get indicted in 90 days, they have to let them out. So they're pouring out on the streets.

Cops are getting fired because they don't want to take the vaccine do you see how it's all working just beautifully any words any words yes i quit kiss my ass i sure will all right let's get to the goddamn show, Matt. Roll it. Oh, boy. In the N-word segment tonight, so the Pentagon headed to the Capitol yesterday for the first public hearings on the Kabul exit fiasco.

The Guinness Book of Records was there because it was the largest gathering of assholes in one room ever recorded. Everybody from General Mark Ibag's Millie to Defense Secretary Lloyd, I hate Whitey Austin, they were there. And according to them fellas, they told President, where the fuck am I, upper's Biden, he should leave 2,500 to 3,500 troops at Kabul after we leave,

or the Taliban would basically take control of that human septic tank that passes for a nation called Afghanistan. They threw Biden under the bus quicker than you can say, come on, man. All the generals were in agreement that Biden ignored their advice. Milley went as far as saying

he wasn't asked his opinion about the August 30th deadline that the Taliban put on us until August 25th, which was 10 days after Kabul fell. So apparently his opinion, Mary, mattered about as much to Biden as mine did. In fairness to the generals, turn about his fair play, about a month ago, Biden tossed them under the bus when he was being interviewed by a little Greek person named George Stephanopoulos. He was sitting on a milk crate and two phone books and his little legs were dangling

off like the homo that he is. And Biden denied he was told any of that by his generals. So somebody's fucking lying. I'm going with Biden. But the point of all this is 13 servicemen died in that terrorist attack at Kabul airport. We left hundreds of Americans stranded there, not to mention thousands of Afghanis who helped us in our fight over there. Spirit Airlines could have done a better job of getting those people the fuck out of that shithole. And jerk off Joe has the balls to call this an extraordinary success. Yeah, Joe, I put, I put it right up there with the Tet Offensive and the Alamo. And the sad part about all this incompetence,

no one is being held accountable. Must be nice to have a job where you can fuck up so bad people actually die and it gets treated like you spilled whiteout on your boss's desk. So meanwhile, people who are doing their jobs every day in the private sector are losing theirs because mind fewer of Biden and his tyrannical vax mandate.

So it's so funny that they call Trump Hitler when this guy is Hitler. And that's the N-word for today's show. I've had gas for like, I don't know, a week now. Can anybody help me out with that? I mean like farting nonstop when my asshole's getting exhausted. Exhausted? Huh? Exhausted?

Yeah, my asshole's exhausted. Yeah, no pun intended. What am I? I'm like a newborn baby who ate a quart of strained peas and watched it down with a Guinness. All I know is I got on the scale today. I was 213 and a half. I haven't seen that since, and I'm not shitting you, seven, eight years ago, maybe, maybe even more. So I feel good I might have cancer, let's roll. They always tell you to look out for that, that if you start losing weight real fast, that you should go to the doctor and check it out.

It's not exactly falling off me, but I'm just saying. I'm convinced I'm gonna die of cancer. I'm already prepared for it if somebody told me tomorrow I'd be like I know what do you want me to do alright let's get on to some more stories and as we document the fall of the greatest nation ever you know

I'm not trying to imply anything here but people who try to make big changes in the world like Biden's doing, like turning a capitalist country into a socialist one, they usually end up like Martin Luther King Jr., Abe Lincoln. You know what I mean? Great guys who try to do big things. Only he's not a great guy. He's a fucking scumbag sellout. But it's really not him. I'm just saying, I would be nervous. That's all.

I'm not implying anything. I'd be nervous. Somebody could throw a milkshake at him or an egg. Let's get to it. This story documents what he's doing to the nation, turning it into Kabul West. Excuse me. See, that came out of my mouth instead of my ass.

My ass is relieved. A plane carrying 100 Afghan evacuees dressed like they were in the manger scene being held by U.S. at Abu Dhabi. How can you take an airport serious when it's called Abu Dhabi? Organizers said, and who are the organizers? Pete Rozelle? Who are you talking about? Roger Goodell? A U.S.-bound charter plane

carrying over 100 Afghan evacuees and two-thirds of the Rolling Stones, including Americans, was being held Tuesday at a United Arab Emirates airport after its landing rights were revoked. Flight organizers said things like this. Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. The flight charted by non-profit group Project Dynamo, which sounds like a new detergent. That's their logo? Real catchy.

Looks like a Biden colonoscopy. Project Dynamo departed Kabul Airport and got held up for over 14 hours at Abu Dhabi Airport with 117 people aboard, including 59 children. The group's founder, 11 goats, some myrrh. Founder Brian Stern told Reuters. Stern said the plan was to transfer the passengers to a chartered Ethiopian Airlines plane. Have you ever looked at the safety record of the fucking Ethiopian airline?

What is it? One in three planes ends in a fire? I'm guessing they don't have food on the flights either. You seen those people? Ethiopian Airlines plane for another flight to John F. Kennedy. International Airport in Queens. See how I broke that down for you? It's so stupid. It's so stupid. It's a story.

It's a story. But the United States Customs and Border Protection, they could have just put CBP agency switch their clearance to Dulles International Airport. Good. Send it to Pelosi's neighborhood outside Washington before revoking landing rights anywhere in the United States, according to Stern. The Department of Homeland Security did not respond to a request for comment from Reuters. They never respond. Six Americans, 83 green card holders and six people with U.S. special immigration visas are aboard the stalled flight, Stern said. A Biden administration official told Reuters that it typically takes time to verify the manifest of charter planes before clearing them to land in the United States.

Since when? What? You got people, South Central America's pouring over the fucking Rio Grande you don't give a fuck we're doing checking a plane well

I don't know what's going on here who's on it there must be somebody they don't like Newt Gingrich anyways they're delaying this thing I don't know why

I really don't care I didn't pick the story that's your world I just live in it so yeah that's a crackdown on that. Make sure those 80 people on that plane. Meanwhile, they're flying Afghan evacuees all over the country out of the airport, McAllen Airport in Texas.

But we're focused on probably somebody on the terror list that they don't want to tell us. I know I was on it after I gave a finger to a fag delta flight attendant. Did I tell you the time? This is a true story. I was on the road. I had been out there for like three weeks. I just had it.

I was coming home. I think it was the final leg of the trip. I walk up. They called rows, blah, blah, blah, whatever the fuck. I don't know, one through seven. I had like nine. So I go up there. I walked by everybody like I own the place. And I just figured the guy would go, go ahead. Of course, faggy black guy. Sorry, sir. I go, just fucking take it. I'm not gonna turn around and walk past these people. I just...

So I, he wouldn't take it. So I tossed it on his little desk there and I ran down the ramp thing. And I sat in my seat. I was in like, whatever, fucking nine or ten. I sat in my seat and I'm sitting there and people are getting on and they're giving me a dirty look as they're walking by.

All of a sudden the guy gets on the black flight and comes on and he goes, sir, can I talk to you? No, he said, is there a Nicholas DePulsi? You know, lets everybody know who I am. Could you come out in the jet way and talk to me? You know, I get out there. They have the door locked at the top and they shut the one behind me so it's me and him in the fucking in the jetway with I might have said something about him being a fag and you know he just fucking he was trying to chew me out and shit and so it's holding out more people right we're trying to get on and then then then I they let me go back to my seat, and everybody was walking by, giving me the fucking filthiest look. That's what happens sometimes when I, you know, I get frustrated.

Sorry. It was like the scene in Meet the Parents. They fucking boarded, you know, he's row six. They had booked. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Anyways, let's roll on boy the vaccine mandate and it should be huge news because they're forcing people and companies companies are going to get huge fines and penalties if they don't agree to having all their employees and them vac this is fucking unbelievable to me.

Isn't there a, don't we have a John Hinckley out there? I'm just saying, a good guitar player. Biden's vaxxed mandate to be enforced by fining companies $70,000 to $700,000. Sounds real American, Joe.

I hope your wife Jill dies like your first wife in a car accident. President, and I mean that from my little black fucking capitalist heart, you cuck sucker. Biden, Biden, but... President Joe Biden didn't just announce a COVID-19 vaccine mandate on companies employing 100 or more people. He plans to enforce it. Fuck you and fuck you.

Who's next? On Saturday, Speaker, how is this bitch still alive? Why hasn't anybody taken her? Speaker Nancy Yeast Infection on Wheels Pelosi quietly tucked an enforcement mechanism into the $3.5 trillion reconciliation bill passed out of the budget committee and sent it to the House floor. She's a malignant cunt. Oh, you got that right.

What the fuck, T? Buried on page 168 of the House Democrats' 2465-page mega bill. Can you fucking imagine? It's a tenfold increase. How about a rule that we can't move forward with a bill until everybody has read every page? I don't know how you'd prove that. Maybe lie detectors?

I don't know. A tenfold increase in fines for employers that willfully, repeatedly, or even seriously violate a section of labor law that deals with hazards, death, or serious physical harm to their employees. Do you see what the, they are drunk on the power. And it's going to crush businesses, which is perfect. So then we can all be on the dole and sucking off the government's teeth. They create these problems.

The government creates them and then creates, that's what they do for a living. They try to put out the fires. You know what I mean? Like the guy that lights his own house on fire then puts it out. That's how he stays busy.

They are such, ah, that's it out. That's how he stays busy. They are such... That's not Hitler. That's a French waiter. What the fuck kind of mustache is that? What the fuck? Did you put one on Joe yet? Was that already up there? I'm not even paying attention.

That's not Hitler. Jesus, Matt. I got PowerPoint here. I can't do it. That means nothing to me, all right? Fucking, I could have done a better job. That's fucking horrendous. Now, she looks like a Greek woman ordering a salad. Anyways.

It's not even close. He gave her two Hitler mustaches, which equals a regular mustache. The increased fines on employers could run as high as $70,000 for serious infractions and $700,000 for willful or repeated violations, almost three-quarters of a million dollars for each fine if enacted into law. Vaccine enforcement could bankrupt noncompliant companies even more quickly than the $14,000 OSHA fine anticipated under Biden's

announced mandate. They're not going to stand for it. Come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom! Oh, freedom! Oh, the government! God, that movie makes me hard. I can't wait to see the business community react to that.

Unbelievable. Between people quitting companies, because when I'm siding with NBA players about anything, we have nothing in common, and they are right on. I got a story about a guy named Wiggins coming up later. Who is he? Well, he's Matt's barber.

Anyways, here's some good news. After 91 years, I'll be out on the road again trying to make my monthly nut. Guys, I got a new tour date to add back in Florida. Should have just bought a condo down there. In just about a month from now, I'm going to be doing four shows at the Visani, V-I-S-A-N-I, Comedy Theater in Port Charlotte, Florida on October 28th through the 30th. I had a great time, as you know, in Florida. That's where my Coke dealer is last week. And I'm looking forward to these ones. If you live in Port Charlotte, Venice, Naples, Italy, I'm talking about, or Fort Myers, make plans to come out and bring your big-titted wife.

Also, I'm back at the Plaza Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. I left a watch there two years ago. November 12th or 13th at the Comedy Works in Vegas. And just added dates early next year in upstate New York and New Jersey because I like to go there early in the year when it's still freezing and snowing and flights get canceled.

And Long Island. Get tickets to all my shows at nickdip.com and click on the tour button and buy yourself a Nick DiPaolo knee replacement. Kill or get! Hey, here's a segment we haven't done in fucking two minutes. In our libs eating libs segment tonight, socialist Bernie Sanders, I think we should pay teachers like professional

ballplayers. Bernie Sanders, the cranky Jew, openly defies Pelosi, urges House to block the, can I just say I want you people up front, this story's a little dry. I didn't pick it but I understand because it was kind of a slow news day, other than this country being shut down from vaccine. But this gets into some shit about the bills. We have to do it because it's Pelosi and Bernie fighting. All the fucking douchebags that have ruined this country are now infighting, which is good for us.

If the bipartisan infrastructure bill is passed on its own on Thursday, this will be in violation of an agreement that was reached within the Democratic caucus. That means they're fighting with each other in Congress, according to the socialist cocksucker Twitter account, Bernie Sanders. And some of the other Democratic senators got mad at Bernie, and they said this. Get this through your head. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. I can't help it.

That's actually two good picks right there. Her going, look at this dumb and he's pointing to her. More importantly, it will end all leverage. This is Bernie talking about it. It will end all leverage that we have to pass a major reconciliation bill. That means there will be no serious effort to address the long-neglected crisis facing the working family of our country, the children, the elderly, the sick, the poor. It also means that Congress will continue to ignore the existential threat of our country and planet with regard to climate change i was there when the sun was born i know the damage

i have age spots on the head of my penis added the wealthy socialist who has written multiple books, owns multiple homes. And why would we listen to you? Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Really? You have the credibility of somebody. Somebody that doesn't have any credibility. Bernie Madoff.

I grabbed another Jew. By the way, I love the Jews. If anybody's watching, you're getting offended. You know that I defend Israel every day here, and I actually have a duplex in Tel Aviv. All right. I strongly urge my House colleagues to vote against the bipartisan, oh, this is Pelosi talking?

Bipartisan infrastructure bill until Congress passes a strong reconciliation bill. Though that was Bernie still talking. I'm sorry. Reconciliation house spending bill. Sanders' comments openly defy the leather-nippled Nancy Pelosi, who has scheduled a vote for Thursday to pass the measure. Pelosi reportedly told House members Monday that the reconciliation package in the Senate is not ready and there is no time to waste. With 2022 midterms right around the corner, good thing they're big ideas and shit that'll affect all of us.

Good thing they don't play politics with it and it's all about the good for us and not the election coming up and you fucking uh the democrat infighting has caused uh other democrats uh to worry so they're getting a little sweaty oh boy you exactly the mistrust that exists currently between members will spread to mistrust between leadership and members and then the media and the White House. And I think that wouldn't be healthy for our Congress accomplishing Biden's agenda, said Stephanie Murphy, who's facing state redistricting and a tough opponent

while saddled with a sad pair of titties. No, saddled with a voting record that is nearly identical to Pelosi's. Oh, we feel bad for you, you bitch. Mama! It was one of those nights When you turn out the light And everything comes into view Accused violent felons This is a new story folks Sit up, pay attention

Put down the popcorn and the hot dogs Accused violent felons Are eligible for release in Georgia. All right, I'm glad I moved down here so I can be raped in the ass while buying a hot dog. Eligible for release in Georgia due to backlog. By the way, this is the universal excuse for everything now, whether it's Amazon, me getting my stove from Germany. Seriously,

everything is all because of COVID. Call a hospital. Oh, we're back. Shut the fuck up. Officials in Georgia, that's this Georgia, not the one that was, you know, the Republic, the Soviet Union. This Georgia where they have the same type of politics now.

Officials in Georgia will be required to release accused criminals from jail while they're awaiting indictment because of a backlog of cases that grew during the pandemic, according to the Fulton County District Attorney. They're going to let violent criminals out on the street as cops are quitting because of the vaccine. Do you guys see what's going on? You think it's an accident? because of the vaccine. Do you guys see what's going on? You think it's an accident?

As my buddy said, and I don't know who said it first, maybe him, nothing goes right perfectly, never mind wrong perfectly. Do you know what I mean by that? You can't have shit go this wrong perfectly without it being staged. That was the quote under my yearbook picture in high school after I failed. According to the Fulton County District Attorney, and I don't know who that batch is.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Suspects who have been charged with crimes in Georgia are entitled to bond if they're not indicted within 90 days. That's how much crime there is you can't even and uh and though that law was suspended during the pandemic it was reinstated nice going so you know what suspended again you fucks oh that'll throw a monkey wrench in your socialist takeover it was reinstated over the summer. That means hundreds of defendants accused of crimes, many of them violent, are now eligible or soon will be eligible for release. I like the release on your face.

We walked into an office with an excess of 11,000 unindicted cases, said Fannie Willis. There she is right there, another broad who got a 2.1 at the Vry, and they said, ah, fuck it, you're the right color and gender. There's a job you can't handle. And Fannie Willis, the district attorney of Fulton County, which includes Atlanta, not too much crime there. In addition to that, she said, we already had another 12,000 that were indicted and were working their way through the court system. If we're not collapsing as a society right now, I don't, like I said, I've never been happy to be 59. I'm going to go for physical and hope they find a lump the size of a grapefruit right on my taint. Malignant as a day is long.

Willis said her office... Ah, there's one for the taint. Willis said her office is prioritizing sexual predator in other serious cases. She said it's a good way to meet men. What? Yeah, I hope you're prioritizing the sex offenders. That's a girl trying to order a meal in Buckhead. But the reality, she said, is that there's going to be four or five hundred defendants that we don't make the clock on. And they, without having

the proper evaluation by law, a judge will be mandated to give them a bond. Isn't that great? Yet if I get caught shoplifting today, I get a feeling they'd put me on a jet to D.C.

and I'd die in a cell. You know, because I'm white and I'm old. Some victims of violent crime and their loved ones say they no longer have closure. jet to DC and I die in a cell you know because I'm white and I'm old and some victims of violent crime and their loved ones say they no longer have closure yeah I would think not this is a serious problem said Brenda Muhammad director of Atlanta victim assistance there there is Brenda what a handsome fella looks like if Vijay Singh was in transition miss Miss Muhammad, I'm the greatest doc of all time.

I can lick pussy with the best of them. It's a great show. I don't know who's missing it. How the fuck? This isn't the biggest thing on the internet. How about some marketing? The people that we represent, the victims of crime, they will find out that the folks who committed those crimes

against loved ones or against them, they will be out in the street dealing with a gangbanger in their neighborhood. Yes, that is very disturbing. You are right on the money, sir, with the bad dress. CNN senior law enforcement analyst Charlie Ramsey, right here, a good friend of mine, another black fellow, Charlie Ramsey, said that clearing the backlog should be a priority. Is that right? I mean, just, is that really? Is that the priority?

Keep us safe, you thick-necked goon. Murderers in Fulton County increased by 48% since 2020. So by all means, that should be the priority. Get him out. I don't know if he's for us. Maybe he's fucking with me. No, actually he is. He says, we cannot afford to let violent criminals out, Ramsey said.

People with gun offenses, people with aggravated assault, with Hitler mustaches, with muscle cars, with hip-hop playing, aggravated assault, robbery, things of that nature, he said. I don't mind a good prick pulling. We'll let that slide. I don't know what he meant by that, but you know what? You are correct, sir. Sorry, I jumped on your throat there, Captain Ramsey.

Sometimes I get a little excited. You know, kids, it's back to school time. What better way to send Johnny to fifth grade with a Nick DiPaolo podcast T-shirt than the teacher can Google what it means and then have your kid thrown out of school permanently. Look at that merchandise. Who's the kid doing the T-shirt? Do we have to pay him? Is that a mannequin?

I think we found jobs with some of the Afghan refugees. We can slap our T-shirt. Listen up. If you don't have a Nick DiPaolo show T-shirt or hat or mug, pick up one now, please. It was really great to see so many of you in Florida last week wearing these, which is true, man. It really... I'm on stage. It pumps me up.

Anyway, make sure you go to nicktip.com. Click on store to pick up a shirt or a mug or a hat. Then send us a photo to display on the show, preferably if you're a girl under 170. And you're cute.

And guys, too, if you're a big fat fuck, those are the ones we like. And you're hunting. We like those, too. Maybe a hot chick hunting with a big fat fuck. Anyways, let's move on. Speaking of crime and black crime and like there's any other kind, Bill Cosby feels R. Kelly got railroaded

at sex trafficking trial. Is that right, Bill? Bill Cosby feels R. Kelly got railroaded in a sex trafficking trial that ended Monday with guilty convictions on all nine counts against him, according to the newly freed comedian's rep. So that's what Bill thinks. And, you know, who gives a fuck what you think? Exactly. You felon. Cosby believes the pervy singer was screwed and that he wasn't going to catch a break during the month long. Are you supposed to catch a break during a trial? Is that how the legal system works, Bill? You're supposed to catch a break even though there's 19 girls telling the exact same story? I think

you're the luckiest black dude ever to step on the planet to be born in the United States. You're filthy rich and you still have the morals of a fucking raccoon going through a dumpster. During the month-long trial, according to his spokesman, Andrew Wyatt. Andrew Wyatt is the spokesman for Bill. But Bill can't talk now? Stuck a dick. Who gives a fuck what you think? Stuck a puddin' puppy and a pussy puppy.

Is this Fat Albert, the spokesman? Yeah, that's Wyatt. Hey, Mr. Wyatt. Wyatt shared Cosby's thoughts and a pudding pack in a Tuesday night interview with The Post where the rep said R. Kelly never stood a chance. Gee, I wonder if it had to do with, I don't know, the footage I saw online of him pissing on a minor and shit. How fucking stupid do you think we are?

Never stood a chance. Railroad against the 90s R&B superstars defense team. The deck was stacked. He's implying that even his defense team, you know, why he's just evil. The deck was stacked against Roberts, said Wyatt. His constitutional rights were grossly abused. No, that would be the girls he was pissing on. I don't know anywhere but in this,

what a statement this is. I like the fucking, I don't know anywhere but in this country, in the United States, that a documentary can bring criminal charges against someone. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind.

Yeah, there's so many other nations where you'd rather be tried. It's unbelievable how the people still live here. I fucking hate it so much. No one fought hard for him. And his attorneys didn't humanize him. I don't even know. I would think Kelly had white attorney. It doesn't matter.

But just from reading this, I'm guessing they were white. Just the way he is characterizing their efforts on a black man's behalf. Anyways. He said they didn't humanize him because it's hard to when he's smacking young bitches around. I mean... Who's an animal?

Bill Cosby. What is an animal, you son of a bitch? Oh, Robert. I love that his name's Robert Kelly, by the way. R. Kelly. Because my comedian friend, Robert. I love that his name's Robert Kelly, by the way. R. Kelly. Because my comedian friend, Robert, who never pissed on a minor, maybe a couple of heavyset hookers in New Orleans.

He also didn't have the resources and means he should have asked for support from the court. Why is that now? Boy, he had a bunch of hit records and he got no money. Wow, I wonder where that went. He would have gotten better representation, added Wyatt. Well, why didn't you help him and find him a lawyer? This is a guy who made the song, I Believe I Can Fly,

when there were rumors about young girls. The song played at every wedding and in every church. He was doing music with Lady Gaga, said Wyatt. Yeah, and Jerry Lee Lewis had a bunch of hits. He was fucking his cousin. What's your point, scumbuck? Kelly, 54, was convicted of sexually abusing women and children for decades on counts including racketeering in violations of the Mann Act, which prohibits the transport of people across state lines

for immoral purposes. He faces 10 years to life in prison at his sentencing next May. Don't look good, fella, does it? Don't look good, but this guy. Bye-bye, dickhead. What am I looking at? Who's that? Oh, that's the attorney? He had a black guy? Okay, I'm wrong.

Nick, you're always jumping. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. You guys, you paint old white men with a broad brush. I'm doing the same thing, treating you like I fucking, you know. you paint old white men with a broad brush. I'm doing the same thing, treating you like I fucking, you know. So he had a bad, too much coffee, a bad black attorney.

Okay, whatever. Anyways, let's move on. This story might have been my favorite today. I'm going to try this. I might get a pickup truck just to do this. I'm not a fan of people who ride their bikes in the street or three feet from the curb, which I consider in the fucking street. Anyways, outrage as a teen driver who, all right, I wouldn't go this far.

He hit six Texas cycles as he deliberately blew exhaust fumes at them. Anyway, he remains free. Social media users have expressed outrage over why a 16-year-old youth who hit six cyclists in his Ford pickup truck on Saturday has not been arrested. Well, maybe he's just a, maybe he's a good guy. Maybe people agree with what he did. Maybe the cops are like, good for you, Billy. Meanwhile, a crowdfunding page has been set up to help pay for the medical costs of the injured cyclist. I, by the way, got hit by a car. I told you the story when I was 10, I almost died. And guess what? I was in literally the lady's tire marks on the curb. I've told the story on the show many times. I'm not going to tell it again.

It's a true story. She was high as a kite. And anyways, they set up a GoFundMe page. They've raised more than $7,500. The cyclist, two of whom had to be airlifted to a hospital, fortunately, without life-threatening, you get a hospital robbing, you're not even a life-threatening injury? The fuck is that? Yeah, I sprained my ankle. Get the chopper.

What are you, dog-styling me? Isn't that what those fucking choppers are usually for? Life-threatening injury because you've got to get somewhere quick. You're a burn victim or there's some lady probably at third-degree burns that needs that thing, and you're up there because you've got a splinter in your ass. Anyways, they weren't life-threatening. They had been on a training ride for Ironman Texas on Old Highway 290, which is much more dangerous than New Highway 290, near Waller, around 10 kilometers. Oh, we're using the metric system in this story. You fucking fucks.

Northwest of Houston. The driver plowed into them when he accelerated as he attempted to blow black smoke at them from his illegally modified exhaust, a practice known as coal rolling. I've done this in bed with a cigar and a girl in college. I'll tell you. Let me tell you.

I'm not here. You're a fucking idiot. Let's take a look at coal rolling. I might get a truck and try this. Do-do-do-do. That's not right. Why would you do that to nice people out on a ride? You get home from the ride, you look like Chris Rock and his 12 kids. What?

Coal rolling. My buddy here, Dallas. Dallas, you've been riding his bike. His car is in the shop, apparently, until February of 2027. So he's been riding his bike. You said somebody gave you a nice coal rolling? Semis. Huh?

They don't know what to do with it. They don't what? Semis don't know what to do with it. Oh, semis? Yeah. Down south, they throw around terms like semis, like us guys know what they're talking about. Why is it called a semi? Can I ask you that?

You don't know either? Holy shit, he's right from here. The only time I've used the word semi is in bed when I've been too drunk to... Anyways, department spoke to the driver of the pickup truck on Saturday and have said that they are continuing to investigate. Yeah, this is a regular whodunit. What the fuck? But despite eyewitness accounts of what happened, no arrests have been made. What the fuck are the cops doing?

Bad boys, what you want, what you want, what you gonna do? When should the drum drum come for you? They had to pick the kid out of a lineup. You know, he looked like one of those voodoo dolls. It was him, man. Anyhow, any he. Is this the final story?

That's it. What? That is it. I just did the final story? You just did it. Goodness gracious, Heloise. Anyways, folks. What do I do with the rest of the day?

I don't know. I suppose I should. I'm so excited that was 213 and a half pounds. Because a month and a half ago, I was 221. I've never lost eight pounds in my life. I could get AIDS, COVID, cancer, and I'd put on seven pounds. X-rayed my belly and go, it's filled with fun-sized Snickers and blood. Anyways, that is it for today.

I love you people. You know that. What a crazy show, huh? Sure. If you're sorry, get your ass. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's freedom, baby, yeah. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com.

That's where you can watch the show. Can you tell some people about it? I'm sick of fucking working. Also, nickdip.com. It's a terrific site. There's all kinds of snuff films, and you can buy Model T cars. Ponies for your kids and vibrators.

It's terrific. All with my initials on them. And Cameo.com. I haven't got one in about two weeks. I'm getting a little upset. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, I'm thinking somebody at Cameo doesn't fucking like me. I hope you hear this Cameo, because I know they keep hitting me up.

They keep sending these things like, hey, it's like a couple months ago. It's Gay Pride Day. You know, send 20% of your fucking cameo money to whatever the fuck. Hey, it's, you know, hey, it's Marginalized People Day. So I finally said,

hey, shut the fuck up. I'm keeping my own money. And Joe Biden's a cunt. I I haven't got a Cameo since. So maybe they're fucking Dems that run it. Anyways, Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, I'll make a video on my tape. Send it right to them. We'll brutalize the guy or girl or neighbor or whoever. And they will laugh because it's all in good fun. That's it. You think that I'll say it? You are so welcome. We'll see you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow.

Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.