The Nick DiPaolo Show - More Secret Gender Bending | Nick Di Paolo Show #1381

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about KJP under heat for lack of press access to Biden, an SF Whole Foods shutting down and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

Música And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous. Hey, hey, folks. Welcome to the show, Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm now a part of Mug Club and happy to be getting away from big tech so I can speak my mind like a true Americano. Go to nickdipaloshow.com to join me and get the full version of today's episode. I, I, I just went across the street. This is the part of the show I get little random things off my tits. Anybody else? Am I the only one bothered? And when did this happen? I've been bitching about it for about, well, I don't know, 22 years now. Once again, I'm ahead of the curve.

I don't see anybody else getting upset, so maybe I'm the dick. You go into a bodega or a gas station, get a bag of chips, and when do we start putting prices on shit? What's this, the fucking honor system? Get a guy from ISIS behind the counter. I'm sure he's giving me a good deal, those jalapeno poppers. Anybody? You know what they're counting on?

You being too embarrassed when you get up to the counter and go, how much is this? You know, it's a fucking beef jerky bag and they're like $21. They're counting on you not doing that because you'll be too embarrassed to turn around and put it back. That's what they're counting on. I just, the Indian girl behind the counter, I go very nicely. I said, what, please put some prices on the fuckers. It's just a principle. Yeah, I can afford a fucking Diet Mountain Dew. I'm doing very, very well. Look at this shirt. Got it from a lesbian. Of course, I say to her, put price. And she goes, you know, just

laughs. She knows what I'm talking about. You know, I don't have a barcode scanner with me. And you ever buy jerky at a gas station? Might as well be buying prime rib at a steakhouse. The fuck? Jesus come in this teriyaki? Fucking incredible. And that's bugged me for a long time.

See, you go up there with nine items and they go, uh, $31.50. You don't know that bag of chips you bought yesterday was $1.50. It's probably $4. Seriously. Or I could be a dick, I guess. Give me an itemized receipt. Anybody out there?

If it doesn't bother you, it's not because I'm fucking 60 or whatever the fuck, because I'm 61. You're just not conscientious. You take it in the ass, and I question everything. How I went from that to that. That was terrible. Oh, boy, is this great. Oh, shut up, fatty.

The other thing I want to remind you guys, I forgot, I brought up a couple shows ago. What's today? Thursday. Thursday already. I brought up a couple shows ago, beginning's today? Thursday already. I brought up a couple shows ago beginning of the week the Adesanya fight with Pereira, Pereira as they say and I never mentioned how that one ended. I talked all about the other shit, Masvidal loving Trump and all that

But maybe I did Jesus Christ. I'm retarded. I don't think I did, though. Adesanya is against the ropes in a second round, doing rope-a-dope. This guy's unloading on him, and this guy hits hard. He's beat him three times before, by the way. Beat Adesanya, who's maybe the best. Anyways, he's against the ropes, like Ali used to do. For like 20 seconds,

just taking shots for the body and shit. Then Adesanya weights for an opening. Bang! Knocks him out. Knocks him silly. Was that, folks, were you watching that? I know me and my transgender friend, Kevin McGillicuddy, were sitting right on my lap in a hoop skirt. We were cheering.

See how I can't get past the trans thing? It's so in my face, in your face. I forgot to mention that, how the fight ended, though. That's why that UFC, man, I can see why it swallowed boxing whole. Even the girls, when they fight, unbelievable. And I'm even appreciating when they roll around on the ground jujitsu. I'm talking the guys. Everybody likes to stand up boxing knockout punch,

but I'm listening to Rogan and these guys talk about it. He's got to get his hips over here, over there, you know. And they really do. Some guys can roll with it. It's actually graceful and beautiful, that part. Thank God they fixed it because when it first came out, you could be laying on top of a guy like you're trying to bang him at the ramrod and nobody would step in for 10 minutes you know i mean arty lang had a great arty lang had the best joke about he

goes you watch march you're watching a ufc it looks like you know there's a guy on top another guy and and the guy on top whispers and the guy's yeah uh i'm not gay I might have fucked a joke up, but anyways. Yeah, so I forgot to mention that. I'm sure you guys, you heterosexuals, know the result. What does that mean that gay guys don't like boxers? No, they don't. They like theater and cartoons. What?

I don't know. I have trouble with cartoons. They don't hold my attention. Although my wife's got me hooked, you know, 20 years too late on Family Guy. That's okay. Jesus H. Christ, is that funny. He must be making the you-know-whos a lot of money.

When I say you-know-whos, you know I'm talking about the Polish immigrants in Hollywood. All right, let's fucking get to it. Sorry to be jacking you up. Ooh, in our Libs Eatin' Libs segment tonight, White House Press Secretary Muffinhead. She reminds me of a black Raggedy Ann doll or black Raggedy Aisha doll. Black Eddie Rand.

Yeah. Black Eddie Ann. Say it in the mic, doll. Raggedy Rand. Yeah. Raggedy Ann. Say it into the mic, stupid. What? Raggedy Ann. Raggedy Ann. See, now how, why would you not get right into the mic on that? It's a Raggedy Ann doll.

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, again, sounds like a goalie for the Montreal Canadians. There she is arguing about great clips and how much they're charging for that muffin top. She was asked why President Biden has not held many formal press conferences. How about any? During his time in office, Biden has an upcoming trip to the United Kingdom. I think he's there, by the way. He landed yesterday. I can't keep

track, and I don't give a fuck. I was playing the cop. I was playing the plane would have trouble. I don't want him to get hurt, but just trouble, where he shit his pants and that we could laugh at him coming down the stairs. What a nice load. He's in the United Kingdom and Ireland, but no formal press conference is out of schedule. That's kind of odd before you leave. The second question has to do with the lack of a press conference during the president's upcoming trip and the lack of a press conference that we see in general from this White House. The reporter stated to Jean-Pierre, the guy said, the reporter said, I represent a news organization that owns 113 television stations.

And that's how we brainwash the people on the road. and 13 television stations. And that's how we brainwash the people on the road. And a question that I'm often asked, and I don't know the answer to, so I'll ask you this question, and then he asks this. Is the administration trying to protect the president from our questions?

Please, answer that question. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. So why the lack of any interaction in a formal setting to have a press conference? I mean, the president takes shouted questions. I understand, John. Pause, pause, pause on this stupid young lady. The president takes shouted questions.

Guys, she's not fit to answer questions at an elementary school. Honestly, this is what happens when you hire by race and gender and your looks. She checked all the boxes. She is a dope. I miss the red skeleton type girl. Pisacky. Again, I told you, I weirdly started to get attracted to Bersaghi. He just got out of jail.

Four years. Can you imagine? He takes shouted, part of me feels for her, because they're throwing her out there, and she has to try to defend this nitwit. But you've got to be a better bullshitter than that go ahead stupid i understand i understand i've dealt with this question about three times already i understand that means it's a problem you haven't answered it it is uh the job of you all to ask this question wow you know what they do for a living that's not a problem at all um pause

watch your batter eyes me, that's just cancer. Shirt. Fuck, Mike, what do I... It's getting tight. Got to lay off the payday bars at three in the morning. She bats her eyes. She's feigning intelligence. You ever see important

people, you ask them a question, they go like this. She's looking down at her notes. She hasn't improved one iota. I want the redhead back. The Conan O'Brien with titties. Go ahead, let Fluffin know to talk. Certainly, the president many times has stood in front of all of you, has taken questions on his own,

because he wanted to see what was all on your minds. He wanted to see what the questions you were going to... She's trying to bullshit because he wanted to see what was on your minds. No, it's part of the job, you fucking asshole. Or what was top of mind? It was top of mind. Oh, my God. They say it in a commercial.

There's some commercial, the guy says top of mind. I've only heard it from her and in that commercial. There's some commercial the guy says top of mind I've only heard it from her and in that commercial the people made that commercial said we have to put this in there to back Her up anyways, she's making the shit up. He has to come out talking about he goes because She has no bullshit skills whatsoever. You got to be a bullshitter Go ahead slumpy to ask him and he wanted to answer them directly. That has happened multiple times. Pause. It hasn't happened enough.

That's the question. Why not? The whole world knows it. People would have more respect for her if she goes, I know. Fucking can't get the guy out of the house. What do you want me to say? More people would love that.

She'd be canned, which wouldn't be a bad thing you go back to papa john's fluff another times uh during this administration and that will certainly continue to be when it comes to a formal press conference i don't have anything to share with you at this time okay what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul. May she burn in hell with Biden and the rest of them. The reporter continued to press Jean-Pierre, stating that members of the media have not had the opportunity

to ask the president questions in quite some time. Jean-Pierre called it unprecedented for a president to answer as many shouted questions as Biden has during his time in office. Liar, liar, liar, liar, whore, you know it. Trump took, nobody took more shouted questions. Trump would have one foot on the plane and come back and answer questions. Reporters then seemed to grumble in disagreement

at John Pierre's claim. Well, we'll certainly get the data and share that with all of you. I hear you. I hear you on the press conference, on formal press conferences. Oh, how embarrassing for the poor girl. And the second half of the show,

I'm going to be talking about, what else? Transgender teachers trying to pull the wool over the eyes of a mother. They were trying to transition her kids behind her back, and she took on the school board, and it was great. So, it's exclusively on Mug Club, so join now to get it

at nickdapotoshow.com. Alright. What else in the house? Oh, I lost my mouse. in the house? I lost my mouse. What's that? I lost my mouse. Give me a second. I think Richard Gere said that many times.

Oh, God. I'm quicker than the average jerk-off. Anyways, you got it? All right. Let's move on, shall we? Whole Foods says F you to SF. Hey, what does that mean? A recently opened Whole Foods market in San Francisco closed its doors on Monday over growing crime in the downtown area.

I fucking, it is beyond, I mean, libs have always fucked up cities, but not to this degree. And you guys out there, not you guys, you guys vote like I do, but you schmuck friends who don't vote like us, what are they thinking? How much more evidence do you,

they took one of the most beautiful cities and people are leaving in droves. Even libs, you know who owns this? Amazon, Bezos, not exactly a right winger, took one of the most beautiful cities and people are leaving in droves. Even Libs. You know who owns this? Amazon. Bezos. Not exactly a right-winger. Right? It's his own policies he votes for. I'm guessing

he votes Democrat. I go out on a limb. He owns a Washington Post. The policies of party he votes for destroy cities so bad he can't keep his own stores open. Probably sold it to someone. I don't give a shit. You get the point. It's only been open a year.

A freaking year. And I'll say it again. I've said it on the show many times. I've been to many cities between here and L.A., back and forth, whatever, almost every major city. That's the only one, again, I was a young comic, that I would go out and explore during the day.

It was so cool. And now there's people who grew up there that want to get the fuck out. I mean, people getting, you know, back in the day in the 90s and 80s, you'd get hit, but it would be, you know, a gay guy chasing you with a purse and you'd laugh or whatever. Not a pipe. Anyways, it's getting dangerous. I'd get out of there if I were you.

The popular grocery store chain shuttered. That's shut for us normal people. It's San Francisco flag. It's the flagship location. A little more than a year after it opened, citing worker safety concerns. The San Francisco Standard reported that, so it's got to be true.

It's the flag, flagship station. You understand? We are closing our Trinity location. It's called Trinity location. What a nice name for a place where homeless take dumps, stick needles in their feet, pass out, you know, the father, the son, the crackhead. We are choosing our Trinity location only for the time being. A Whole Foods spokesperson said as a poison dart stuck him in the ass during the interview, told the local outlet in a statement,

if we feel we can ensure the safety of our team members in the store, we will evaluate reopening of our Trinity location. Yeah, yeah, you're going to clean up the crime problem in a couple weeks. We'll be back. You shit me, they'll never go back there. Holy moly. Go to New York City. Oh, they're already there. I thought AOC

would try to kick them out too. Yeah, Whole Foods, as in bullet holes. As in stab wounds. I like the picture they show. You could eat off the floor there. When was that taken? When it opened? You can't. It's like walking through a goddamn horse stable now,

only of human shit. Remember when they had an app a couple years ago that told you where the human shit was? They had a fucking crap app. I'm guessing that's what they called it. If they didn't, it's stupid. By the way, I like Whole Foods. I like to go in and spit in the buffet just to watch the liberal people eat it.

The company said rampant drug use and growing crime, no kidding, it wasn't the bad year the giants were having, led to its decision, a City Hall source told The Standard. The Whole Foods store had already reduced its hours in October last year after experiencing high theft. I wonder who was doing that. Can you show us? I mean, what segment of the property? Probably white. San Francisco. I don't know. I'm on the and hostile patrons. Can you fucking imagine to the point where people don't want to work there? A store manager said, I guess you weren't doing your job, were you, manager? Because God forbid you judge somebody on their behavior in San Francisco. You know what I mean?

A homeless guy could go in there and piss on the bell peppers, and they're not going to say anything because they'd be labeled a bigot and a racist. And this is what liberal policies and liberal mind think leads to. You already saw fucking what Newsom's done to California. Portland, Oregon. Pick Chicago. Pick a goddamn city. Anyways, people going to work would find syringes, pipes found in the restrooms.

Syringes in the restroom. The publication reported. Jesus Christ. But again, the apples were delicious. What the hell's going on out here? Just liberalism. Court, courtless. Countless small businesses have shuttered.

San Francisco District 6 Supervisor Matt Dorsey, what a hunk, said he was incredibly disappointed they were out of denture cream. Here he is. This guy's very happy to be running a district that's filled with human feces. He said he was incredibly disappointed, but sadly unsurprised, by the Whole Foods closure. Our neighborhood waited a long time for this supermarket, but we're also well aware of problems they've experienced with drug-related retail theft, adjacent drug markets, and the many safety issues related to them.

People are afraid to go to work and come home from work. It is, folks, we're a third world country. Do you understand that? It's just, so you know what? Finally, they said, go fuck yourself. Remember CVS? They wrapped up shop there too, didn't they? And other places.

Unbelievable. How can you defend this record? How can you see this shit and vote Democrat? And vote, and by the way, he's not running again. Can I clear that up for you? He'll be fucking 86 when he gets done or whatever. He lost his marbles when he was 77.

He doesn't even belong in the goddamn thing. So Joe, go lay down. Bye-bye. You dink. For those of you on our Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to NickDepaloShow.com and join to get my full show, not only mine, but Crowder's and a lot more. guitar solo Outro Music