The Nick DiPaolo Show - Muslim Mayor For Trump | Nick Di Paolo Show #1629

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about a Muslim mayor for Trump, Dykes for Donald, more SS silliness and much more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! SEE NICK LIVE: 9/27/24 - Wise Guys - Jordan Landing, UT 9/28/24 - Skankfest - Las Vegas, NV 9/29/24 - Skankfest - Las Vegas, NV 11/9/24 – Bridge View Center Theater – Ottumwa, IA TIX:  https://www.nickdip.com/tour  For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

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be disliked. Fuck you, Bob. Okay, don't tell me. I tell you. Watch that, too, by the way. AMC's running all the fucking... It's like I made the lineup out this weekend. But they bleeped the word.

I mean, really, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? I mean, you call yourself a fucking idiot? Watch that too, by the way. AMC's running all the fucking, it's like I made the lineup out this weekend. But they bleep the word, I mean really, you call yourself American movie classics, the word fuck you take out of a Goodfellas movie, you fucking hacks. It was like a Charlie Chaplin film, silent. It's even worse when they put words in.

Like in Scarface in the original the cop goes, we had to get a scar like that. Eating pussy. And then they go on AMC, it goes, we had to get a scar like that eating pumpkin pie. Yeah, all of a sudden we're at fucking Pat's diner. You fucking fucks. Scares the language. If you don't like it, change the channel, click the mouse, twist a nipple. I don't give a shit. What's happened since last yesterday? Nothing. I never left. Changed my shirt. Is that me moving? No, I'm saying am I all right you guys got a drama meeting home all right I guess we'll get to it I don't know nothing much

has happened nothing nothing much has happened till since I went out and got the shirt put this on made it a new day It's like mr. Rogers coming in hangs up his stupid puts on his puts on as I'm gonna write rape a cub scout sweater Can you say that on YouTube will that offend you Google it remind me not to say the FA word The first half of the show. Apparently that's who runs the world. I'm so tired. I've never been more happy to be 62, honest to God. I didn't tell you the results of my colonoscopy, did I? Did I tell you? Listen to this great fucking news. I got to do it again. And you're

gonna go, well you didn't prep right. No, I did prep right. I prepped to the T, have witnesses. Had a notary watch me wipe my ass. They give you a choice, at least down here they do. My doctor, who's a great doctor, by the way. He's the guy for a-holes, they say. Anyway, and he writes an article in a local paper. Seriously, he's like, they love him.

He's a man of this guy. Very pleasant guy. Anyways, long story short, they gave me two options a couple weeks ago. You know, a couple days before the thing, you can do this. You can take the ba-ba, get a prescription for something that'll flush you out. It involves going to the pharmacy, getting something. So I'm like, or they go, you can follow these steps starting the night before. Don't eat anything for whatever.

Gatorade and Merillax. Drink that at a certain time. I followed it to a...I was so fucking hungry, I was just miserable. I don't know how those little African kids get any sleep. I was fucking miserable. I said it when I went into the, when I got there. They go, how you doing? I go, I want to kill somebody in here right now. I'm so hungry. The lady goes, I know. Yeah, exactly. Expecting her go, how about a Snickers like that commercial then I turn into myself. And they go, how you do? I go, how do you think I'm doing?

I haven't eaten in two days and I'm about to get a pipe stuck up my ass at 11 people looking. Oh, I'm in the fucking mood of moods. It was very, very odd and the doctor said was mentioning, you know, you have these every 10 years. I go, I have them every two years and the doctor said, was mentioning, you know, you have these every 10 years. I go, I have them every two years. And the doctor goes, two years? I said, I have them every two years. And he goes, do you have a history in your family of colon cancer? I said, no, I just like the way it feels.

And then anyways, long story short, they found a couple of Lee press on nails. They weren't my wife's. And boy, did the shit hit the fan, literally. Anyways, long story short, they found a couple of Lee press on nails. They weren't my wife's. And boy, did the shit hit the fan, literally. I said to the doctor, what did I say? Oh, you know when they put, propofol, give me it. Where do I get it?

It's just the best. It's the Michael Jackson shit. It is the best. They go night Michael Jackson shit. It is the best. They go nighty night, they put it in, and every time I've been put on, I always, you're getting that, oh, it's the best buzz ever. Whether it's propofol, morphol, I don't know, but you tend to yap a little. And I said to the doctor, because a black nurse came in, young, cute girl, you know, dreads, and I looked at her and I go

to dr. Murphy I go P did he ain't in there is he because he's been he's been in the news and the black rose on the girl to laugh she go he better not be I ain't going in there and then I remember somebody shaking me and waking me up and then they break the news to you I was like oh I was like Brian Piccolo and they told him they found more of the tumor. I wish you knew that one. Yeah, you got to do it again. And they go and they said it wasn't you because the doctor said, we do have people to come in who don't prep at all. And this wasn't the case. And the nurse said to me, yes, did you do the

Gatorade thing? I said yes. And they go, for people who take Ozempic and stuff, that hasn't been working. Well, I mentioned, and I filled out the application I take Ozempic, and I stopped it a couple weeks ahead of time like you told me to. So apparently that might have had something to do with it. Anyways, alls I know is I had enough air in me when I left there.

When they were in there, and they go deep, I look like I had enough air in me when I left there. When they were in there, and they go deep, I look like I was going to have triplets when I left. And you should have heard the noises coming out of the bathroom when I got home. Holy shit. It's like Miles Davis was in there. I had a better one for that. I can't remember it.

Oh my God. But it's like, you know what I mean? And it's just like two cats fighting. Oh, it's tremendous. All right, enough of that. Let's get right to Muslim mayors. They don't eat cats, do they? Muslim mayor for Trump in Michigan, the mayor of a Muslim majority city in Michigan says

he is endorsing, if that doesn't put a fucking scare up the Democrats' asses, endorsing Donald Trump and the 2024 presidential, now you gotta remember folks, you're gonna go why is that so shocking? Well you gotta remember, Trump and Israel are like this he moved the capital form he fucking blew Isis to Shreve he's had a big impact he's got a Jewish son-in-law and the daughter converted it's a big fucking deal not to mention he's a Muslim in Michigan and this guy's a Muslim in Michigan you know there's like two other ones in the country the rest of them are all in Dearborn anyways so he says yeah

I'm a Trump guy calling for the former commander-in-chief the right choice for this critical time boy I'm down to 10% on the iPad we time this beautifully this is how he said it though that threw a few people Trump's like hey take it easy the Christ sake you don't have to announce it I mean some people say a mayor a galib there he is, look at him. It's like on the cover of fucking, it wouldn't be GQ but. This is him on the cover of IEDs.

Amir Ghalib, mayor of the Detroit area suburb of Hamtramk announced his endorsement of Trump in a Facebook post Sunday. While admitting he and Trump didn't agree on everything he said he regarded the former commander in chief as a man of principles and again he didn't say it in English Durka Durka, Muhammad Jihad, Haka Sherpa Sherpa, Bakala and then Trump said you know bakala I've had it before. It's delicious. It's delicious. I eat a lot of it, maybe more than anybody ever eats it.

Boy, does that stink. I can't get him down. I'm going to go back to Jimmy Carter. That fucker's still alive, by the way. They should investigate that. Here we go. Though it's looking good, he may or may not win the election. This is the Muslim mayor talking about Trump.

And be the 47th president of the United States. But I believe he is the right choice for this critical time. He wrote in Arabic on his Facebook page, and then he drew an alarm clock with a dynamite thing taped to it. I'll not regret my decision no matter what the outcome would be, and I'm ready to face the consequences. For this and for many other reasons, I announce my support, endorsement for the former and hopefully the next president of the United States, Donald Trump.

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For for you haul truck Kalman or and what do they mix it with? This is just the starting point. He says anyone kaboom just kidding Trump reposted Galeeb's message on his truth social and you know, I am your voice. That, you gotta, I would love to see the face on the Dems when they got that news. That can't be good. Again this whole thing is, I'm of two, maybe three mindsets. It's already been decided

that this country's going socialist and Kamala has been put in place, whatever the fuck. It's already been decided and all this shit, the debates, who won that, the headlines, the polling, it's neck and that's all just to prepare people so when the Dems do steal it and get their marching orders from Sears, whoever they can go. Oh, it was close, you saw the, that's one mindset. I forget the other one, I'm so angry about mentioning the first one. Seeing red right now. That it's not even close. But people don't understand, they go,

but it's gonna be such a landslide, there's no way they can be able to steal it. Well, that's just silly to think that. If you think Trump's gonna win this thing, and they're gonna sit back and go, well, he won, you think they're going to call off their dogs? I flipped by Alex Jones real quick. I saw our headline and it said, again, we all go,

oh, he's a tin foil hat guy until it happens. He said they were going to try to kill him, and then he said they were going to try it again. So he was right in the last couple of months. And he says, right now, are foreign like hit teams out for Trump that's what he huh I gotta believe so so you I'm just saying people that vote like me and you my fans don't get excited because they're not gonna be happy until I don't and a God I pray I'm fucking wrong.

And the other commercial that makes me insane, it's a Kamala Harris commercial, it goes, Donald Trump is just out for himself. Kamala's out for the people. Let's analyze that for, that shit like that hurts their chance. Donald Trump's just out for himself. Here's a guy who could have retired when he was 30, right, and been golfing since. But he didn't, right? Built up that business. Then he's in his 70s, decides to run for fucking president. Puts himself through all that horse shit. All that fucking horse shit. And still won. Again, didn't take a penny.

Doesn't take a salary. Runs again. Gets fucking shot. And you want me to believe he's doing it for himself. And Kamala won't even tell us what she stands for because she's not doing it for her. She's doing it for a bigger thing. Oh, God.

So that might make them a little nervous that there's a Muslim mayor who's on Trump's side. And if that doesn't, maybe this will, another demographic that you wouldn't, again, I'm assuming her sexuality, call me fucking detective. Yeah, she looks like a, she looks like a shaving brush with tits. But this made me happy. I'm guessing she's a gay woman. Nick, why you say that? All her hair.

It looks like she fell down a mine shaft. Anyways, here's what she's saying. In 45 days I will vote for a man that doesn't care that I'm a gay white woman. In 45 days I will vote for a man who wants other countries to stop abusing us. In 45 days I will vote for border security. In 45 days I will vote for women's rights. It's freedom baby! In 45 days I will vote for cops over criminals. In 45 days I will vote for the safety of our cities, the safety of the children, and the safety of women everywhere. In 45 days I will vote for the right to free speech. In 45 days I will vote for the right to bear arms.

In 45 days I will vote for common sense over identity politics. In 45 days I will vote for the man who gave up his luxurious life to save this country. In 45 days I will be voting with We the People, not We the Celebrities. In 45 days I will be voting to turn 45 into 47. There's not much time left. Get at least one person signed up to vote. You are correct sir. We have to... oh you're going away. Shit. Been a good day to grab my snippets. Make little notes. We're gonna put them out there. And I gotta believe, and I'm

serious, I know enough gay people, and I joke about being in show business, but it's true. A lot of, most, I would say most, I could be wrong, there's a lot, I'll say lot, there are underrepresented of gay men and women who feel that way. You know? But then you throw in the transgender mess and we lump everybody in and it gets kind of messy. but what's the difference between her and the rest well she's she's blocking out all the noise all the old Trump hates it he's a racist he's a homophobe bubba he's no friend of the LGBT community they block all the shit out and they look at his policy. The fucking people who vote Democrat can't do that. They just know a vote for Kamala is not a vote for Trump. They don't care

after that. That's all it's and I gotta believe that's gonna make that should be a commercial by the way. I'm hoping Trump by the way do you know mr. Trump is gonna be in Savannah tomorrow? I thought I was flying out tomorrow night and I'm fucking flying out in the afternoon. Anyways. God damn it. Let's move on, shall we? How are you doing at home, kids?

Are you feeling the positivity? Headline. Secret service can't protect itself from itself. A US secret service, that would be the US SS minnow. Ba ba ba da ba da ba ba da ba ba ba ba da ba ba da. Uniformed division officer was injured in Washington, DC Saturday night after he accidentally shot himself. The USS told Fox News Digital that the negligent discharge,

I love how we, the fucking words we use to dis-sugar, what a ballast country. It all starts with the language, the negligent discharge. That sounds like, that's what you say when you shit the bed. Fuck, I'm on fire today. Occurred near 32nd and Fezenden streets you know those in the northwest section of the city just before 8 p.m. the agent who was on duty Bonnie Fife that's Bonnie Fife folks do you know that is? I say this calls for action and now.

That who that is. The agent who was on duty was handling his service weapon when the firearm discharged. Again, it sounds like a lingo for a jerk-off joke. The USSS said the agent's injuries were not life-threatening, adding that it hit him in the head and there's nothing there. Adding that he was taken to an area hospital for treatment and evaluation. Lieutenant Paul Mayhair, it's kind of a cool name, a public information officer, see Mayhair Pubic, with the USSS uniform division added that there were no reported injuries to any other individuals.

The Secret Service Office of Professional Responsibility will be reviewing the facts and circumstances of this incident. Oh, I'm sure they'll get right to the heart of the matter. The Secret Service's Office of Professional Response... Do you know what that implies? That means there were so many that weren't professional that they had to open an office of professional responsibility. I can see that at a Dunkin' Donuts or an Arby's. But the Secret fucking Service, are you dog styling me,

folks? We are in deep. Hey, for those of you boys and girls watching me right now on mug club Stick around for the second half of this show the rest of yous What do you do you go to Nick dip comm and sign up for mug club? And if you do that, you'll get the rest of my show You'll get Steven Crowder's entire show which is packed with more information backed up with facts and one of the best

It's a reason he's got millions of followers Also, Alex Jones is part of that he jumps in and out now and then Brian Callan you get a ton for your money You got to go to Nick dip comm to sign up for mug club while you're there click on my tour button As you see right there ba-ba-da-ba-ba this This Friday night September 27th, I'll be at Wise Guys in Jordanland in Utah. That is sold out, folks. Go down there anyways. I'll meet you in a parking lot. What the fuck? I'm sure we can find some more seats, no? They always do. Also, the

very next two nights, I'm in Vegas at Skankfest. I went online, they sent me the stuff where the venues are and shit. It looks like it's gonna be a lot of fun. I did a couple of quick sets and then you do a lot of these podcasts with the young fellows, the Dan Soders and the Joe List and those fellows. It looks like a lot of, that's my forte, man. So I'll have a good time and hopefully pick up some type of STD. Listen. Oh my God, 5 percent. I gotta get

through the rest of the shit. Went down to five percent on the iPad. Forgot to plug in after I got off of latinohousewives.org last night. November 9th, ladies and gentlemen. November 9th, write it down. Bridgeview Center Theater, Ottumwa, Iowa. Can't wait, haven't been there. Second half of the show, if you guys sticking around it's 1984 officially in the United Kingdom George Orwell and everything he said in that book and those movie is coming true it's creepy I'll tell you something that's gonna it'll be here too soon also NFL if you watch the games you notice during Sundays they come out and they have some of the players come out so you, you got to vote, rock the vote and all that horse shit.

Well they're far left. They're as woke as they've ever been. Do your research and you'll see who rocked the vote and all those other groups. You'll see who they're partnered with and you won't fucking believe it. That's on the second half of the show. Hi, good night everybody. I'm gonna be a man The anticipation is building. The excitement is palpable as we celebrate another unforgettable baseball season at Texas Live. Join in for the crack of the bat and the camaraderie of fellow fans.

Check out the game on their 100 foot big screen or enjoy the game in their ultimate fan clubhouse, Rangers Republic. Also enjoy a cold one at Revolver Brewing or stop by Pudge Rodriguez Pizza for a slice. Whether you're a diehard fan or just love the vibe, make your way to Texas Live. Visit online at texas-live.com. Okay, it's official. We are very much in the final sprint to Election Day. And face it, between debates, polling releases, even court appearances. It can feel exhausting, even impossible to keep up with. I'm Brad

Milky. I'm the host of Start Here, the daily podcast from ABC News. And every morning my team and I get you caught up on the day's news in a quick, straightforward way that's easy to understand with just enough context so you can listen, get it, and go on with your day. So kickstart your morning. Start smart with Start Here and ABC News, because staying informed shouldn't feel overwhelming.