The Nick DiPaolo Show - Nadler The Nitwit - #163

Episode Date: May 9, 2019

Nagging nutcase Nadler knows nothing about our nation.  Lu Lu Lemon.  School Shooters beware!

All this shit, and they're trying to blame all this racism and sexism on fucking Trump. What a crock of shit. You know, I didn't like Trump as a TV personality, but I love him as a politician. Okay? Fucking love him. They did everything they could to keep him from becoming president. Ooh, we have a videotape of Trump saying he likes to grab pussies. What, Hillary doesn't?

Where's that videotape with her face buried in a giant muff at Yale in 1976? This stuff looks like a lion's mane. They didn't shave back then. They did everything they could. He's a fucking bullshitter and he's a salesman, which is what the fucking job calls for. This company's a corporation. You should have picked that up

when he was running for president. He sounded just like a salesman. He was telling people what they wanted to hear. Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump, what about your health care plan? We'll be the healthiest people alive. Next question, please.

We'll have white teeth. We'll be orange and tan. It'll be beautiful. we'll be orange and tan it'll be beautiful it'll be beautiful Mr. Tromp what about your tax plan there won't be any taxes I'll pay you

just fucking both of you I have to beat this fat bitch don't embarrass me up here please Oh, yeah. It's Thursday. Welcome to the show, folks. Another week in the books in Georgia already. My goodness.

That was a trailer from A Breath of Fresh Air, which is at about 205,000 views in three days. It's probably the number one, I'm going to go and say it's the number one comedy album out there right now. Only because nobody else has one out, but I'll take it. And for you haters who are so upset, I know I'm an old white guy who's supposed to not pick on anybody

and just shut my mouth and be lectured by little maggots. Jim Gaffigan texted me saying how much he loved it. You know, what's he know about comedy? And Billy Burr says this is great for stand-up. So, again, when you trash me on Twitter or whatever, I stop reading it, but that's expected. But when you do that, you know, as far as opinions about comedy,

you don't know what you're fucking talking about. So, uh, and by the way, the positive to negative ratio is like 19, almost 20 to one positive. So somebody likes it. Sorry. Oh, you're punching down. How am I punching down? I'm going after a, uh, a, uh, serial rapist, multimillionaire convicted serial rapist, multi-millionaire convicted serial rapist, going after Harvey Weinstein, another millionaire rapist, Matt Lauer, Jesse Smollett, worst person on the planet. Oh, yeah. I'm way off target. Oh, that's right. I'm a

white male, and everything was handed to me. Kiss my grits. I learned that down here. It's actually from a shitty sitcom back in the day. Coming to you live as usual, baby. So, you know, Thursday. We'll do it live.

Okay. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I'll write it and we'll do it live. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. That sounds low, guys.

No, that wasn't low. What's that? You turned it up earlier. I turned what up earlier? That one. Did it sound, did it measure? Yeah, it sounded fine. What, it's fine? Yeah, it's fine. Apparently I'm deaf. Years of Ted Nugent.

I actually lost my hearing in one of my ears at a Ted Nugent concert. Still to this day I have to switch when I'm talking on the phone and shit. Cape Cod Coliseum, 1975. Pretty wild. Some kid get killed by a car after the concert. I mean, it was wild. What is going on?

Oh, by the way, the special. Yes, again, you guys know this, but you can get it at YouTube or nickdip.com. Go there. Drive traffic to my site. And it's unadulterated. It's what people have been waiting for, apparently, by the response. And already starting on a new hour. Yes.

So that's what I'll be doing this weekend. And Governor's in Levittown, Long Island. Island. But if you want, you know, unadulterated First Amendment free speech, you know, punching up, punching down, punching sideways. Everybody's a target. I find punching down even more funny, by the way. My favorite Monty Python clip was, I think it was John Cleese got in the ring like a 90-year-old woman, beat the living shit out of her or a nun or something that's what i learned about punching down uh anyhow you'll like it you don't have and you don't have to be i got people this is the biggest compliment i get people who don't like my politics love the comedy and i actually had a guy uh a black dude on twitter he almost sounded like he was related not related uh to the guy that we used in the photo that we took out, but it was a black guy defending me.

And again, somebody else put, you know, because I said, I think he was killed by another black. Oh, that means his life doesn't matter. Did I fucking say that? Did I say that? I was pointing out that it was ironic. That's all. Oh, oh, he's telling us what we're thinking, what we're feeling. So smart.

Anyways, let's get to it. The Democrats are on a warpath led by that fucking parade float who's been deflated. Jerry Nadler. He looks worse now. He looked better then. Look at that. Unbelievable. Anybody but him. House Judiciary Committee votes to hold Barr in contempt after Trump asserts executive privilege,

which he did as a response to you assholes. So you can't be whining about this. This Nadler is such a such a two faced phone. Here he is. This is him. You know, I guess you call it grandstanding. This is what he said about Barr. And there can be no higher stakes. Look good. Looks good. This attempt to to arrogate all power to the executive branch away from the from Congress and more important, away from the American people. We've talked for a long time about approaching a constitutional crisis. We are now in it. We are now in a constitutional crisis.

Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar. You know, you can't force William Barr, the general attorney, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar,'t give away, grand jury testimony, all that stuff. And you can't force a guy to do that. So you know what this is about, folks? It's a transparent effort. They want to destroy Barr because who's his next target? He's going to dig into the Russia hoax, and he's going to start hanging people. So they have to get him out of the way, and it sets the grounds for impeachment, they think. And don't take it from me. Take it from lawyers on TV that know shit like Alan Dershowitz. He's laughing at this. So, you know, Nadler is just a psycho. Nadler says lawmakers are

concerned that the president's decision to exert executive privilege is going to have a chilling effect or more on other issues relating to the investigations of Trump and his administration. An investigation that came up with absolutely nothing. Oh, guys, you're blowing it. You're blowing it. Meanwhile, Trump's economy is soaring over your head and you're fucking fighting a fight that ended a few weeks ago. But you keep at it, Opening the door. Nadler said that impeachment may not be the best answer. He didn't rule out such action. So the Justice Department pushed back. Nadler, this is the Justice Department.

Nadler's actions have prematurely terminated the accommodation process and forced the president to assert executive privilege to preserve the status quo. That is, quote, spokesman Kerry Kupak said. No one, including Chairman Nadler and his committee, will force the Department of Justice to break the motherfucking law. I added for emphasis. I hope Kerry doesn't talk like that. What a pig. That's sexist. She can talk any way she wants.

The White House announced Trump's decision to assert privilege just as lawmakers were beginning discussion around the contempt resolution Wednesday morning. Faced with Nadler's blatant abuse of power, Trump has no other option than to make a protective assertion of executive privilege, said the press secretary, one of my favorites, Smokey Eye, Sarah Sanders. And everything sounds good, fellas. Don't touch it. I'll come over there and bitch slap you. I'm not fucking in the mood for this. Before voting 24-16 along party lines to approve the contempt resolution, members of the Judiciary Committee spent almost seven hours Wednesday discussing the measure as well as supporting a 27-page report

in which Democrats raised the prospect of impeachment as a result of their investigation relating to the Mueller project. I hope it happens. I hope you impeach him. I really do. Well, the economy is soaring. People have literally the strongest economy in the history of the United States. That's saying something.

But you keep going after him. You pull him down and then raise taxes and shit. You'll never. All those illegals that you're letting in to secure your future power, that won't mean shit if you pull down Trump, a duly elected elected president which you still don't believe apparently uh but you go right ahead there jerry nadler in between fucking club sandwiches later rep hank johnson uh democrat georgia said that once the committee obtains the documents it needs which you won't dick cheese it can move forward including on the issue of impeachment. You believe these guys?

Prompting Republican Matt Getz from Florida to shoot back the Democrats' efforts. He says it's all about impeaching the president. Of course it is. Call him a fucking detective. Rep. Doug Collins, Republican, Georgia, the committee's ranking member, said Democrats were acting in haste because they are angry that the special counsel's report did not produce the material or conclusions they expected to pave their path to impeaching the president.

So they're trying to find another way, and they're going after Barr because he's going to go after them soon. And so this guy is right on the goddamn money, in my opinion. You are correct, sir. But here's the letter sent Tuesday night to Nadler after negotiations between committee lawyers and the Justice Department. Assistant Attorney General Stephen Boyd called the panel's continued demands for materials unreasonable and urged them to delay Wednesday's scheduled vote to initiate the contempt process. If the committee decides to proceed in spite of this request, however, the Attorney General will advise the president to make a protective assertion of executive privilege, which he did.

The Justice Department's letter said that providing all the materials requested by Democrats would put ongoing investigations at risk. And in the case of grand jury material, which I just mentioned, forced the department to ignore existing law. They're asking him break the attorney general to break the law. Assertion of privilege would be consistent with past administration practice. Anyhow, here is, this is great, there's a guy named Ken Buck. He's going to read back Gerald Paradefloat Nadler's words from back in the 80s when Clinton was trying to be impeached and people wanted to. He was defending not releasing the special counsel report because it could do this. This is Nadler talking out of the left side of his fat face back in the day.

It was a time 20 years ago where you suggested grand jury materials were unverified and may not be true and could be salacious. You said their release would be unfair. Why are we interested now in untrue and salacious materials? You said certain grand jury materials must not be seen at all. Given your position, I offered an amendment several weeks ago to protect those materials, and the Democrats on this committee objected and voted against my amendment. Should this committee see the materials on the floor of the House in 1998? What are you doing?

What are you doing? Why did you cut the clip? Yeah. Unfair to allow members of the Judiciary Committee to see the materials in relation to a report involving obstruction of justice by a Democratic president. That's all right. Good enough. He's reading Matt Nadler's words of being a hypocrite.

And I want to know what Nadler's response is. Why are we interested now what's in the report? If back then in the 80s, releasing grand jury testimony and all that shit, If back then in the 80s, releasing grand jury testimony and all that shit, all the redacted stuff, and give away processes and put people in danger, whatever, why do you want to do it now? Oh, that's right. There's a blonde-haired, blue-eyed billionaire in the Oval Office, the fucking devil. You're a two-faced liar. Nine-faced liar, I should say, to Nadler. And full of shit.

Good going, Kenny Buck, coming up with that. But this is going to get interesting. I thought they would, after the Mueller report, I thought it would tone down. They're all in. They're all in. They don't have any message. Like I said, the economy is booming and people are happy right now of all colors, by the way. Unemployment down a record lows and all ethnicities, races, genders. And you guys have gone, but he's, why is he hiding this shit? He can. They're going on fucking,

they're going gang-holing this guy. Now they're going after his bank records. But my favorite girl, Big Tits Pelosi, the leathery, nippled wonder. Pelosi says, jails will be overcrowded if we start arresting Trump officials.

Yeah. Here is, she hit a wall. I thought she was stunning 20 years ago, but she's looking real haggard lately. Well, I think she was a piece of ass back in her day. She was like Miss Chevrolet. She was. She was like on some gas station calendar in the 50s with those giant bags of fun that have wilted into eggplants in November. Nick, that's sexist massage. I know.

It's how us fellas still talk. I don't give a shit what year it is. But here's the scarecrow and the leathery nipple wonder. Give those tax returns to the Ways and Means chairman. How far can you go on that front, Speaker Pelosi? Yeah, that's a cost. Get that load out of your throat. Secretary of Treasury Steven Mnuchin in contempt. Some Democrats have even raised the prospect of arresting the Treasury secretary if he does not comply with congressional demands. Well,

let me just say that we. Oh, applause from the other fucking liberal press. Jail down in the basement of the Capitol. But if we were arresting all of the people in the administration, we would have overcrowded jail situation. And I'm not for that. You're not? You're fucking... I'm a fucking idiot.

I'm a fucking idiot. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt. Oh, enough of that language, Nick. The jails would be full in the basement in the Capitol if we put all these Trump administration officials in. I mean, they're all crooks, as opposed to the Obama administration,

which is about to get reamed in the ass after trying to pull off a silent coup. You're going to have to build 10 prisons in D.C. to put those slobs in. And Hillary and fucking, you know who, Obama should share a cell. And he's the guy. She's the, I mean, she's the guy. He's the girl. And that's sex, that prison sex scenario.

Are you shitting me? You're calling the Trump. He couldn't be more transparent. The guy loves a microphone. He's never seen a microphone. He stops on the way to the shitter, on the way to Air Force One. The guy yaps.

He's done tremendous, tremendous things for the ratings at CNN and MSNBC, which right now I think my special is out viewing and kicking your fucking ass. But how dare you? How dare you? With Hillary with her fucking server sharing classified shit on something, you know, somebody built in her basement. in her basement. Busting phones with hammers, iPhones. Oh, yeah, they were lily clean.

Fucking Eric Holder, attorney general, sneaking around James Rosen's computer. He actually apologized for it. IRS going after conservatives on the lowest learner. She didn't do any jail time. And you're talking about Trump administration being crooked. How dare you, ma'am slash sir. Have you no shame? Have you no shame, you leathery nipple bitch?

Anyhow, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. I got to hand it to her. She fucking, she, AOC, haven't heard much from her, huh? I think Pelosi got her in a room and said, listen, you, Nancy. I got to hand it to her. She fucking, she, AOC, you haven't heard much from her, huh? I think Pelosi got her in a room and said, listen, you little witch. I've been doing this for 40 fucking years. You've been here for 11 seconds. If I hear any more about the new Green Deal, I'm going to knock your horse teeth out with my pumps. And AOC said, what are you wearing pumps for?

You're 107. No one's looking at your fucking legs. We have it all on tape. I'll bring it to you next week. Mmm, coffee and Zabuca. It's so good. By the way, the weather, I love it in Georgia, but I'm not going to survive the summer. I'm not going to survive it.

Two days ago, I was trying to change my license plates. I lost about six pounds in water weight. I'm not shitting you. I have a picture of my phone. I should have sent it to you. Let me look for it right now, even though the phone's off. This might take some time. Honest to God, it looked like I just ran sprints in Nigeria.

It was embarrassing. It's dripping in my fucking eyes. I had to borrow a screwdriver. My tools are up in New York. I had to borrow a screwdriver from my neighbor, and then I couldn't get it off. I call him back. I'm like, I don't want to sound too gay, but can you help me out? You've got like nine tools over there.

I see the guy in the back. He's got a fucking welder's mask on. I'm sitting there with a fucking Phillips head trying to get a right. Apparently, I'm not the only one. I went online to see how do I get this goddamn thing. It must have been, there was a video with 40,000 views. I just kept spinning. The fucking salt is going in my eyes.

Oh, my God. It will be good for me because I've been laying on a mattress for the last couple weeks. On a mattress. I ate an entire pizza I told you the other night all eight slices not even a piece of crust left and then I took a fucking nap took an Advil PM my physique is horrendous I look like Harvey Keitel and the bad lieutenant remember he had no shirt on he had like shoulders and chest he had a giant gut fucking maybe this sweat will be

good for me. People keep, my phone's blowing up since the special. This is the FBI that wants to talk to me. Motherless. Jason, if I send this to you, can you do something with it? Yeah? Send it to Nick Dipshow?

This is me trying to, this is from taking my, trying to take my license plate off. I think it's not even hot yet. I know. What the fuck happens down here? Maybe I'm making fun of AOC. Maybe she's right.

Maybe she's frigging right. I like to sweat like the next fella, but Jesus H, it's fucking May 6th or whatever. It was 112. Balls tucked in my leg. It's just fuckin'. People running by this morning.

People jogging by. I'm sitting. I'm on my fourth cigarette on the porch waving to them. They're pushing their kids in strollers and shit. Anyways, tell me when you got it, Jase. But, uh... Unbelievable. Deke, you lived down here your whole life?

Yeah. And do you get used to it? Eh, kinda, yeah. You learn to appreciate air conditioning. Yes, I mean, I know, but it doesn't help me. I go out to get the mail and I get melanoma on my fucking forehead. This lady comes to pick up a check from some company at my house and she goes,

oh yeah, I know a couple from New York. She goes, they moved down here. This is like 10 years ago. They were here for two years, not even two years. And the lady said to her, fuck this. I can't take the heat. People are too slow. I go, it's Georgia.

What did you expect? A fucking Times Square pace? That's me after eight minutes. Looks like a cat pissed on me while I was sleeping. Jesus, when did I turn into Jimmy Conway? How am I not getting movie fucking Guinea Mafia roles? That forehead gets any bigger, we'll be doing the show on that. Look at that skull.

I ran out of anti-shine makeup at the house. That is sweat, folks. I'm sweating. I was out there eight minutes with a Phillips head. I wrung out my underwear. That's enough. It's making me fucking sick. Look how dark I am.

I haven't been outside yet. This is going to and from the car. Just get out of the car, as David Tell said in a very funny movie. What the hell else going on? Oh, Don Lemon. CNN broke some big news that President Trump lost money in the 80s when everybody was losing money. We had that fucking recession. They broke it like they, you know.

First of all, I don't know how the New York Times got Trump's tax returns. I don't know how that's legal. I haven't heard him saying he's going to sue or anything. So apparently it is. But how did that happen? All of a sudden they have his, I guess it's not his, it's his business stuff. Maybe it's public. I don't know him saying he's going to sue or anything, so apparently it is. But how did that happen? All of a sudden they have his, I guess it's his business stuff, maybe it's public. I don't know how it works. I don't pay taxes.

I'm Italian. I learned my tax rules from a guy named Pablo Escobar. He said, no, don't worry about it. Fill out a 1040 and put a fake name on it and send it in. Whatever. fill out a 1040 and put a fake name on it and send it in whatever but uh don lemon uh as i call him lulu lemon uh is as gay as a pair of liberace's fucking sports jackets sports jackets i'm sure that's what lee called them where's my sports jacket? I'm playing Vegas. Didn't you love that movie

Behind the Candelabra? Oh my God. It was like a two hour SNL sketch. Matt Damon and Michael Douglas had me crying. It wasn't supposed to be a comedy. I was laughing so hard I was shitting my pants. And they were both great in it. Just to see my favorite act of Michael Douglas making out with Matt Damon, that was giving me the chills. But how did I get on that? Oh, that's right. Lululemon. This guy, I want you to keep in mind when you're watching this, here's my point.

This is CNN. This is a, what was his slogan? The dog shittiest network ever or whatever. But this is, think about this this guy is supposed to be a national anchorman journalist non-biased supposed to just report see if he injects any of his opinions into this it's not an opinion show hannity's opinion show riley's an opinion show this is supposed to be news i don't think it's in the opinion but keep that in mind while you're watching uh lighten the loafers here. Lemon. About gambling, casino gambling, right? The house always wins.

Well, not always. Not if it's a Trump casino. What a dummy. What an ignorant fucking fruit. Who loses money in a casino except for the person gambling, not the owner? Because I'm good enough, smart enough. No, you're not. You're retarded. People love me. At the bathhouse in San Francisco. You are an asshole, dumb as a bag of rocks.

You know who he looks like? You know the Tin Man on The Wizard of Oz? That's who he looks like? You know the Tin Man on The Wizard of Oz? That's who he looks like. If you've ever seen a picture of the Tin Man without the makeup on, it was an older white guy. Don Lemon reminds me of that. But look at him. He is giddy. He's flicking his peanut right now under the desk.

Trump lost money in the 80s when the economy was in the shitter. You know what happens when you own businesses and the economy is in the shitter in a recession and you lose money? You don't have to pay taxes. That's how it works. So what Trump was doing was above board and stuff. He probably – Trump doesn't want people to see it because he's so retarded they won't be able to get past that. Look at his crooked. No, he was using the loopholes that allow businessmen to write off shit

when they're going in the shit. But this is breaking news on CNN. He lost money. He's a, I didn't give you that clip, did you? He opens by saying he's a fraud and a hoax and all that. You got it? I can get it.

It's just going to take a minute. All right. Where is it? Out in the parking lot? Yeah, Niles in the trunk. Ah, see, I made a joke and you sucked the parking lot? Yeah, Nylas in the trunk. Oh, see? I made a joke and you sucked the life out of it. Jason, you're not funny.

You get cancer in the funny mouth. I didn't hire you to be funny. You're a smart German kid. I wasn't trying to be. Why are you whispering like a bitch? That's half your problem. Because I am. No, that was funny.

We hired you because you're a kraut and very smart. When I look at you with your headphones, I'm picturing a submarine around you. But Jason's very good, and I'm glad he stayed. By the way, I was pushing for that more than anybody. Well, I should. It's my show. I said, this kid's fantastic. And apparently he's hung like a fucking Grecian bull, I heard.

Anyways, yeah, so that's the big nose on CNN yesterday. Trump lost money when everybody else did, and Trump's been trying to hide it forever, and I think this clip proves it. Go ahead. Pull up there. I asked him to get another, go ahead, pull up, there's a Trump in the 80s, that's my fault.

I thought you could chew gum and walk at the same time, but it's the equipment. I know, I know, I know. All right, come on. I don't have my puppets here. Hey, go to nicktip.com if you want my toy you got it all right here about 13 years ago i was seriously in trouble i was billions of dollars in debt but i fought back and i won big league

big league he got he fought big league i guess the fuck you did you became president but how did they get that scoop at c? How did they? He was such a terrible business. How did they find that was great journalism, Mr. Lemon? We have clips of him admitting he was busted. And you know why he was doing that in public? Because there's nothing to be ashamed of. It was a recession. I remember I was living in Malden, Mass. Some guy built a Chinese restaurant bigger than China itself up on this hill. Honest to God, right before the recession hit. It was open for about a week.

There was a line around the building the first night. I went by two weeks later. They were fucking tearing it down. Egg rolls everywhere. People, Chinese people crying on Route one and fucking saugus mass and but that thing sat up there for years unoccupied and uh so i remember exactly so lemon don't act like it's a big scoop you're a fraud you're a phony you're dumb as a bag of rocks you read off a teleprompter you get drunk and you say mean shit on new Year's Eve to me and my wife when we're having breakfast with us the next day.

Now listen. What? This weekend, that would be tomorrow night and Saturday, I'm at Governor's in Levittown, Long Island, New York. One of my favorite gigs. Then Friday, May 31st, Jonathan's in Agunquit, Maine. Saturday, June 1, Whites of Westport, Westport, Mass. Friday, June 7, Steel Stacks, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Saturday, August 10, the Newtown Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania.

Friday and Saturday, August 16th and 17th at a great club called Helium in Philadelphia. Talk about humid. Friday, October 18th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. Friday, November 15th, the Colton Repertory Theater, Colton, New York. Saturday, November 16th at Comedy Works, Saratoga Springs, New York. New Year's Eve, Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. Go to nickdip.com for ticket information. And don't forget to go to cameo.com. Cameo.com.

If you want me to send you a video, you guys tell me who the person is that you want burnt to shreds. I'll shit on your neighbors, relatives that you hate, or an old girlfriend or boyfriend. It's like a little mini roast. to my wife who passed away three years ago. Stuff like that. You know, happy bar mitzvah, any of that stuff. Cameo.com, click on my profile, fill out the information. Had a couple more this morning. They're waiting for me now, and I love doing it. All right, super chats.

What do we got? You got James Coleman. He's from Australia. He said, any thoughts on Tim Poole? He's a political commentator. Why, what about Tim Pool? That's what he asked. If I had comments on him, I'd be talking about him. He said, hello from Australia.

Your special mate is weak. All right, you know what? And what's his name again? James Coleman. James, Jimmy Coleman, thank you so much. I love Australia. People are crying. I should have showed that clip in Australia.

A guy got bit by a fox did you see come here i want to be your friend and he was just a loving animal lover then the thing bit him he's like you motherless fuck i'll kill you chasing him around with that with australia they are crazy love the australians i i don't know who tim pool is i'm sure i do but not right now. Go ahead. You had Alfred Saxon, who I believe is from England. He said, love the breath of fresh air. Nick, keep up the good work. Mr. Saxon, thank you so much. I look very hot on it. I love it over there.

I'll be making my way over there soon. I just want to be blown up by a – I have my throat slit as I'm walking downtown Asbury. I just made that up. That's New Jersey. You also had Rev Show said, only use the boy band voice on the Waze app. Oh, the boys? I had Schwarzenegger on there. I'll be ready to go. an egg on there i'll be ready to go it was uh i used that for a little while and um the boy huh when he's talking to the mic that we built for you you cheese dick jesus christ you're

yelling i'm new to radio i apologize i'm an it guy sorry he uses that excuse for everything i do uh can you help me with my email no i'm an it guy. Sorry. He uses that excuse for everything. I do. I do. Can you help me with my email? No, I'm an IT guy. Well, what the fuck? You had one more with Cherry. Said she moved here to the south from Massachusetts 10 years ago. Yeah. I got used to the heat.

You will love the winters. Awesome special. Love to Priscilla and Jason. Thank you so much, Bonnie Galore. She's been an integral part of the show and monitors the chat rooms and she's very very talkative I've met crackheads who say less than this broad

but she's the best she's there when the times get tough and she's a great broad and no I will not get used to the heat that's you because you're broad you don't sweat you will love the winter though what's it in the winters?

Like 40s? 40s? Jesus Christ, get my shawl. I'll sit on the porch with my shawl and eat boiled peanuts. My buddy said to me, what are boiled peanuts? I said, you know the peanuts you get at a baseball game? Throw those in a puddle and then eat them. Have your dog piss on them. Speaking of the heat in the South, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signs a school safety bill,

which includes arming teachers. Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. We had that shooting in, was it North Carolina a couple days ago? At that middle, huh? Colorado, I believe. Colorado? There was one in North Carolina, too.

Can't keep them straight. I was on with Dennis Miller yesterday. I call in, and when you call in, he's in the middle of a conversation on the show, and he's talking about a school shooting, and that's how frequent they are. I'm like, I want to jump in, but I don't know which one he's talking about.

Maybe something happened while I was on hold. Seriously, that was my mindset. So we have a real problem. But Ron DeSantis, governor of Florida, he's doing something about it. First of all, so we talked about the Colorado one. And it is becoming an epidemic. And the fact that we're getting desensitized to this shit is scary. But I had a few ideas on how to protect the schools yesterday.

This is what I said. DeSantis might have heard me. It's getting and there's a simple solution. Yeah, it is more guns. Put people around the school. Put a guy with a rifle. I mean, I'm sure there's some unemployed people, not too many under Trump's economy. A guy with a rifle. I mean, I'm sure there's some unemployed people, not too many under Trump's economy. But I see a guy using a weed whack, this guy like in his 70s at a red light. He didn't look too happy working for the city.

Give him a rifle. Get ex-military, retired cops. Seriously. And just put them out front. That's step one. And that's really not enough. Then have a second level of security. Have the teacher with a gun in his desk, and the

people still argue, what if the gun goes off? Yeah, anyways. Don't you move, you motherfucker! I'll blow your brains out! That's what the teachers will be saying instead of the Pledge of Allegiance. It's really, you know, it's fucking, I can't imagine having kids in today's world in order for teachers

to carry uh on school campuses their district must opt into the guardian program the program allows teachers to go through a screening process and training by their local sheriff's office before they're able to legally carry a firearm on school grounds they're really not that complicated you you load it and point it at somebody because most shootings happen about three to four feet away. That's a statistic. It's the first thing they tell you. So I said, why am I taking your class? Why am I shooting at Cogger? It's a mile away. The guy that's going to try to kill me is 11 feet away. Nothing, guys. Hold that empty. Hold that empty.

Anyways, they're also required to obtain authorization from the school board. The controversial bill, Senate Bill 7030, is an extension of an already existing piece of legislation that was enacted following the tragic shooting at Marjory Stoneham Douglas High School. The original program allowed faculty and staff, but not classroom teachers. Last time I checked, teachers used to be part of the staff and faculty. To receive firearm training and eventually the ability to carry on campus. The Orange Seminole and Osceola school districts originally opted to hire additional armed law enforcement personnel instead of allowing faculty and staff to carry on school. I don't care how you do it. Make sure the gun is visible.

Make sure the guy's at the front door, and then 10 minutes later he goes to the back. He circles. Put him in a golf cart with machine guns on the back. Like the Taliban does. They're in Isuzu pickup trucks with plywood. Can't believe we haven't wiped them out yet.

They're in a fucking Toyota Tundra. Hey, those Toyotas are tough. Yes, they are. I said there would be a great commercial with Toyota. Look, the Taliban says they're good. Do you want to wipe out

somebody you hate? A truck that's good in snow uh anyways uh according to uh wsv and tv miami-dade broward and palm beach county school districts have said they would not comply with new the newly signed legislation well okay so the next time it happens you're going to feel really dumb and the blood is going to be on your hands. Here's the argument. I brought it up yesterday when people say, no, I don't want the teachers armed and shit. Your kid's in there. Somebody busts in to shoot it up.

You don't want anybody in there. It's as simple as that. I hate to cut away all the fat. You're saying he'd be safer with nobody hiding behind his desk as opposed to a teacher that's been trained to use a fire. Please explain that logic to me, please. And don't use the excuse, well, it's just dangerous having a gun around kids. That's just the urban schools. And the kids are all armed. That would be a problem. Nick, that was very, well, come on. I've seen the schools in Chicago. I flunked out. Andrew Pollack. Now, this is a guy with some credibility.

The father of Meadow Pollack, who died during the Parkland shooting, applauded the effort. So, I mean, those are the people we care about. The bill goes into effect on October 1st. So, I don't, I really don't get it. I don't, these counties opting out and are you still going to have your signs gun-free zone so the killers know where to go? Why don't you just put enter here, shooter? I don't for the life of me, and I'm not going to back up the argument. All the states with the most gun control laws are the most dangerous. Illinois, I mean, couldn't be more.

D.C. All the statistics are on the NRA people's side. But you guys do what you want in Palm Beach County and stuff, and you're going to look mighty silly on the fucking news. And we know it's going to happen again between video games, bad parenting, fucking violent, just violent video games, kids getting brainwashed, and autism,

and vaccinations, and monster energy drinks. I'm just saying, Mr. Pollack's for it. He would have loved it if his daughter had a teacher that had a gun, I'm sure. Oh, Nick, that's Monday morning quarterbacking. Yeah, well, sometimes you're right on the money with that.

Mongolian couple. I always, Mongolian couple, it just sounds like an insult. I know the Mongolian, I know what they are. I went to Kazakhstan and shit, and they're scary looking. I had a midnight. Do you guys ever see the movie Midnight Express? Do you ever see that one about an American who got caught with hash over there, and they threw him in a fucking Turkish prison for life?

It is this Hayes, the guy, Steve Hayes, I think his name was, an American, and he's got the drugs and he's walking like towards the plane or whatever and you can hear his heart beating because there's like a guy waiting there to frisbee. I had that moment when I went overseas to perform at the USO in Afghanistan. We were leaving

Kyrgyzstan. We're leaving there and Artie Lang went through. All the guys, they went through with their papers. The guy stops me. And they're like Mongolians. And the guys, you know, the guys are like, did you went anywhere else? And nobody told me. I wasn't supposed to say, yeah, we went to Afghanistan.

Yeah, tell them you were there for the troops, Nick. I didn't say that, but it got all quiet. Then he goes, I'll be right back. He goes in the back. He's gone for 10 minutes. Now I'm sweating like haze with a pound of black hash in my back pocket. And then he comes out.

A guy comes out with, like, medals on his chest. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to be raped for the next 20 years in Kyrgyzstan. It was my moment. And we had a Vietnam vet, this older older black guy great guy who was babysitting us the whole time so he starts talking to the guy and they start yelling at each other i'm almost crying at this point i'm fucked uh but finally you know what happened they shook us down they said he has to give us like 40 bucks in cash. And I give it to him. The guy starts laughing. He walks back in the office. That was my Midnight Express moment.

If you haven't seen that movie, dudes, it is so intense. It'll scare the hell out of you. But I don't know how I got away from that Mongolian couple. Dies of embarrassment. No, dies of bubonic plague after eating raw. How do you say that? Mama? Mama? Mama?

Anybody? What am I, free illiterates? I'm the idiot here. Help me out. D, come on. You look like you got a C plus in something. I'm pretty sure it's marmot. Marmot.

Thank you, Jason. Fucking guy writes like Faulkner and is afraid to fucking speak up. The ethnically Kazakh couple died of mephorus after ingesting raw marmot kidney, which is delicious. You put that, it's like a bruschetta. By the way, I had, I picked up food at an Italian restaurant. I'm not going to say the name of it. And it was delicious going down, but I was on a plane, Game of Thrones, for the next three hours last night. Running upstairs, downstairs.

Marmot kidney, traditionally believed to have health benefits oh yeah we dr n i'm not even gonna try to say his name let's call him nt director of mongolia's national center for zoonotic dermatology and medicine enough of the long titles i'm trying to do a fucking story he's a doctor in a third world shithole he doesn't have the credentials to drive a cab in New York, okay? He's got a bone through his nose and he's fucking rubbing chicken blood on his tits.

That's the doctor. Said that the husband hunted and harvested the large rodent for his and his wife's use. Honey, it's our 25th. What do you want to do? You want to go out?

Or should I go out and fucking pick off a marmot and find a debit on the highway? Let's make this special. You get the candles. I'll get the baby wipes. Unfortunately, marmots are known carriers of Yersinia pestis.

So is this girl I met in Puerto Rico. The bacterium that called Europe is the black death in the Middle Ages. Why would you even attempt to eat this fucker? If you want the bubonic plague, just hang out in Arizona on the border of Texas. We're importing this shit like sugar and chocolate. Mark these down. These are good funny clips for the... Once contracted by humans, it is extremely contagious and can be spread by coughing, apparently.

Well, no shit. This was me last night, by the way. Mmm. I love those breadsticks. Garlic knots dipped in whatever. After their deaths, this is, can you imagine? They ate some raw kidneys from this rat. Look at that fuck.

It looks like Michael Cohen. It's him testifying. After the deaths, a six-day quarantine locked down the area, preventing nine tourists from Germany, Russia, and Switzerland from leaving. They, as well as 24-year-old American Peace Corps volunteer Sebastian Pike,

were invited to the governor's office on Friday to have the situation explained. According to the U.S. National Center for Zoonotic Disease, one person in Mongolia dies from the plague each year, mostly from observing this cultural tradition. I don't know. You want to break that tradition? Jesus. Hey, you're at the cookout. Where's Billy? He had Marmot kidneys a couple of nights ago. Bye-bye.

Didn't his parents die that way, too? Yeah, the year before. What the fuck? I eat sushi and I'm not even crazy about that. Somebody said if you held a blue light on a sushi bar, it looks like a live bait shop and there's just fucking worms everywhere. Anybody? I'd ask Deke, but you don't look like you're a sushi fan. I love sushi. Do you really? What do you do? Put cream cheese and gravy on it? I eat this shit thinking it's healthy and dietetic, but you're eating nine pounds of rice around it. I'm a big rice fan.

Anyway, stay away from the Marmont nuts and kidneys unless you want the Black Plague. stay away from the Marmont nuts and kidneys unless you want the black plague. And that shit's poured over, not the black plague, but stuff that we wiped out in these detention centers, this measles. I didn't even do the story today. We released 168,000, was that the number, illegals into the country over the past few days. Anybody fucking, we're not even talking about that.

We're talking about William Barr and shit. Pelosi's probably laughing her ass off. This is probably all a distraction. You know, alleged impeachment and shit. 168,000 were released into the country. Mr. Trump, gotta say, very disappointed at this point. But he was in

doing a rally last night. Fuck. Economy, unemployment, record lows in black people and brown people but in about a month all these people pouring over will boot you out of your jobs and between that and artificial intelligence

we're all going to be on a permanent vacation. California bill to end alleged LGBT discrimination on sex offender lists stirs controversy. A new state bill in California that seeks to change the way some convicted criminals are put on the sex offender registry list is sparking controversy. Would naturally some Republicans claiming it would shield sexual predators. The goal of the legislation, according to California State Senator Scott Weiner, is to get Jerry Sandusky type people laid again. What? Is to bring parity to the laws governing who has to register as a sex offender in the state and to end discrimination in the courts against LGBT people. I didn't even

know there was a problem with that, I'll be honest with you. I don't hear them complaining about it, so how widespread is it? The current law states that while consensual sex between a 15 to 17 year old and a partner within 10 years of age is illegal, if the pair is having vaginal intercourse, it's illegal.

A judge will decide if the accused has to register as a sex offender. The law is based on California Supreme Court ruling that says it's non-discriminatory to treat vaginal intercourse and other forms of sex differently and for the harsher penalties to be implemented for the latter because the former can cause pregnancy while the others cannot. Like Dave Attell says, you can't get my mouth pregnant. Like Dave Attell said, you can't get my mouth pregnant. The California Lawmaker's Office said that the law would result in the equal treatment of straight and LGBT young people and an end to the discrimination against young LGBT people engaged in consensual activity. I'm not even sure what the fuck they're talking about.

Thank Christ. The judge would have discretion in these cases as to whether or not to place someone on the sex offender registry well it is most often lgbt young people that are impacted the bill itself brings parity to the way we treat sexual acts somebody help me here i'm so confused the the sticking point is you can get somebody pregnant but there's already laws if you have sex with somebody underage. It's an automatic sex registry thing.

Go ahead, Jason. It sounds like they're saying a whole is a whole, but not each whole is equal? Yes, exactly. Wasn't that something we... I learned that right after the Pythagorean theorem. A whole is a whole, but not equal. Some shit like that. Republican lawmakers in California have come out and strongly against the legislature saying the bill would allow sexual predators to lower minors to have sex with them without fear of having to register as a sex offender if it's caught.

Which is, I see that point. The language of the bill states that if a predator is not more than 10 years older than the minor, he or she would have an opportunity to avoid registering as a sex offender. This proposal will place our children at risk. The bill is wrong and it is immoral. In a press release, the California guys, I was going to say put the air on, but we're almost done. I feel like I'm working on my license plate. In a press release, the California...

Don't put it on, Rich. It makes noise. In a press release, the California State Republican Caucus claims if the bill is passed, a 25-year-old luring a 15-year-old, a 22-year-old luring a 12-year-old, or a 19-year-old luring a 9-year-old would be shielded under the proposed legislation, which that does seem a little wrong to me.

That's the noise when you get busted with an underage person. That's what both of you is hearing your heads. There's no reason for the law to treat a high school senior dating a high school junior differently because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Rick Zuber, the executive director of Equality California, said in a statement, he looks El Fruto. Did you put up the picture of the before the other guy? Yes, this is the guy who's pushing the legislation. Ari Safir's cousin. Seen here with Patrice O'Neill, his older sister, and Barbra Streisand. But my question, is this really a big thing?

This is the first I'm hearing of it. A lot of LGBT getting busted and having to register for – I don't know where I sit on this one, folks, but I'll tell you where I don't sit. On somebody's cock. Hello. That's how to stay out of that mess. Speaking of sex, this one gets me harder than a fucking shark's tooth. People are embracing nostril hair and getting thick extensions and a bizarre new trend.

I think we have some pictures. Okay, that looks like a little kitty's asshole. Two of them. Those are fake eyelashes. Have we run out of... I mean, every Greek and Italian girl I dated had that. My grandfather had... You know, he's from Italy.

When, you know, he was in his 80s, he had nose... They were... I mean, they were almost down here they were hanging out like like whoopies goldberg's extensions and when he would smoke a cigarette and the smoke would trickle out his nose it looked like a brush fire was starting i always he'd be with his eyes closed and you'd see they were like i still remember they're like blondish reddish and you'd see white smoke coming out like you just wanted a stamp on it like uh how is that what if somebody mistakes that for a pussy or something right now

that looks like a pussy and an asshole now that i look at it why are you doing that jing fleece lee it's a beauty trend nobody asked for but it's here nonetheless while men and women have been fighting against unruly nostril hair for generations, this generation is so fucking bored. The latest fad seems to be incorporating nostril extensions into your life. Yes, you can now kiss goodbye to the eye-watering pain of plucking and the fiddliness of trimming your nose hair. The brave new look was first championed by some Instagrammer.

Why would that girl do that? Look at, she's stunning. And I got to believe they don't leave the house when they do that. Are you really hurting for this much attention? Look at her beautiful mouth. Who's looking at those fucking hairy nose? She used false eyelashes to make her nostrils look like an Italian plumber's ass to achieve the avant-garde aesthetic. But we imagine if you're blessed and the nose had a problem, you won't need to result to falsies. If you're happy to just leave your nostril hair, here are some interesting facts.

Listen to this. This is the best part of the story. Your nostril hairs grow at a rate of 0.35 millimeters per day. Yeah, I don't know what that means. Can somebody fucking tell the rest of the world? We run the world, us Americans. We don't use the metric motherfucking system. I love we complain people are so obese,

so we're going to put ingredients and calories on packages, and they're all in the metric system. You think the poor people who go to McDonald's 11 days a fucking week know what 400 cc's of grease is? You ever think about that, Wadens? I'm your kid brother, mate. All the ingredients and amounts are in metric what is 35 uh mms do you know yeah i know it's millimeters thanks rich what's talking to the mic you fucking chimp you at millimeters mm what's your other question what is it in relation to how how long is that in relation to? Is that good for radio? It just goes like this.

Yeah, number one, it's stupid, even if we weren't on radio. He goes like this. Oh, you've lost your tits. It grows at 0.35 millimeters per day, and it's actually our friend, as it acts as one of the body's first lines of defense against environmental uh nasties such as spores and germs and jerry nadler's t-shirts so where nostril hair is concerned could it be a case of more is more uh no it couldn't uh matter of fact you know what i hate when i go to the dentist and I'm staring up his sinuses for a fucking hour.

Anyhow. How am I looking? I always have one white one. It's like fucking coaxial cable. I can't get it out of there with pliers and fucking try burning it out. Getting old as a bitch. Okay, it's hotter than a witch's tit. Turn it on, Rich.

I don't care what it sounds like. Jesus Christ. Did we time it wrong or something? What else? I'm trying to lighten up. We're almost done for the week, and I've got to travel again. Like fucking Mark Twain. That made no sense.

Pizza restaurant closed after employees put laxatives. That's right, laxatives on pizza pie. It's not going to be long before you all kill yourselves because you're all crazy. Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza. A restaurant in Springtown, Texas had to close this weekend after it was discovered employees had put laxatives on at least one pie. Tony Soprano, I think. I'm dying. I'm dying.

I had pizza in Springtown, Texas. Fucking redneck cocksuckers. Excuse me, that was loud. On Friday night, the Springtown Police Department got a call about possible food tampering at Mr. Jim's Pizza. Mr. Jim, have you been putting laxatives on my fucking... I had the margarite with diarrhea, and... Apparently, one of the employees posted on social media they were putting Marilax, a brand of laxative, on pizzas.

They said it went great with the mushrooms and green bell peppers. By the way, a pizza is a laxative on pizzas. They said it went great with the mushrooms and green bell peppers. By the way, a pizza is a laxative for me. It's my favorite food and I'm lactose intolerant and I don't carry the pills like a 90-year-old man. Of course not.

I'd rather shit myself on the plane, but, you know, I eat three slices and my asshole's like Duke Ellington playing Charlie Young. Anyways, authorities said eat three slices and my asshole's like duke ellington playing a charlie um uh anyways authority said three employees admitted putting the laxative on at least one uh pizza that ended up being eaten unknowingly by a co-worker the employee who ate the prank pizza got sick but the people who uh

made the pizza denied putting laxatives on any pizzas purchased by the public. Well, did the public complain? There's an easy way of finding that out. I mean, what the fuck is the problem? The city's health inspector pulled a business health permit and shut down the restaurant until an inspection scheduled for Monday. As on Monday afternoon, it remained unopened. Police have not said whether any criminal charges will be filed. Mr. Jim's Pizza sent a statement to the Huffington Post that the employees who were involved in this prank have been terminated.

Why? You just said none of it went out to the public. They were poisoning each other. We just caught you in a lie in your statement, you cheese dick. I mean, they did it to each other. Did people call in and just, you know, they picked up the phone and said, heard this on the other end.

Did you enjoy your pizza, sir? Does that answer your question, Mac? Don't we overreact with shit? They shut it down and stuff. I mean, if somebody else gets sick, but it's hard to tell. Like I said, a lot of lactose intolerant people out there. Anyways, this is hard hitting news right now. I think that's enough. Anybody? Get a super chat.

All right, go ahead. You got a couple here. Ministry of Sin, who always contributes. Yes. Saw your special yesterday. It was fucking great. You're my hero. Thank you, and please tell me you're a nice fella. I appreciate you're my hero for contributing to the show. Thanks to

you, I got this beautiful phone at Kmart. You also got King Salmonfish. He said, think we're boned after Trump, which is a good point. Think we're boned after Trump. Whoops is a good point. Think we're boned after Trump. Whoops. Yeah.

I know who does come out. You know who I have in mind right now? Because I saw him in the news again. Jim Jordan. Jim Jordan is not playing games with these slimy Dems. And he's always out there defending it with logic and reasoning, too. I'm a Jim Jordan guy, and I like the guy who lost his Senate seat in Kansas, Kobach. He's a hard line when it comes to him.

Those are my first two guys. Lindsey Graham. And Lindsey will be our first gay president. No, second, after Obama. Three more. Three more real quick. We got Canadian99 said, love the stream.

You are way out of line. I love it. I'm way out of line. Did he say in a good way? Yeah, in a good way. Well, why do you put that in, Rich, before I ream him? I tried to enunciate it.

Sorry. I'm not way out of line in any way. I'm right on line, but thank you for the compliment. Fucking way out of line. You're way out. This court's out of line in any way. I'm right on line, but thank you for the compliment. Fucking way out of line. Yo, this court's out of order. Go ahead. And then we got NH Guns and Ammo LLC said,

Bright side to nose hair extensions. Is that next? Walking around with pubic hairs in your teeth will be a thing. That's exactly right. I do that every day. Well, I used to. And then I got married. Last one, Kyle from Tampa.

He said, thank you as always, Nick. Kyle, thank you as always. I was just in Tampa. You were probably at the shows, I'm married. Last one, Kyle from Tampa. He said thank you as always, Nick. Kyle, thank you as always. I was just in Tampa. You were probably at the shows, I'm guessing. You took the time to super chat in here and had a great time down there. A lot of DePaulo shirts. And there's a storm brewing. Right now it's a light mist.

But no, we're up to 200 and something thousand views on the thing. And people, my phone's ringing off. All of a sudden people want to interview me. You're a white guy with an opinion. How dare you, bitch? That is it. You guys have been great all week. This has been a great week with this special.

Please go to, again, nickdip.com to watch A Breath of Fresh Air. Watch it on YouTube, wherever you can. It's all over the place. And like I said, I've had some people that I really respect in comedy call me and think they, you know, they said they absolutely loved it. And it's needed at this time. So you can argue with that or not. But I can't thank you guys enough for your support. What am I forgetting?

Cameo.com. If you want me to send you a video roasting somebody, I'll be at Governor's in Levittown, Long Island. Go to Nick Dip. That's this weekend in New York. Go to NickDip.com. I did an interview with Dennis Miller on the Dennis Miller option yesterday. And another guy, Sean Wasson, who's a big radio guy down south, I guess. He had me on for like an hour.

And a couple other ones. So I don't get excited much, but this has been fun. This week's been fun. It's been very interesting. Remember, you guys think it, I will say it. And I will see you guys on Monday. Take care of yourselves. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 ¶¶ ¶¶ We'll be right back. I'm out.