The Nick DiPaolo Show - Nancy P. Vs. The CCP | Nick Di Paolo Show #1250

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Pelosi to Taiwan. Zawahiri killed. Biden wanders off. No equal justice. Vagina is for sex? Good guy with a gun.

🎵 Here's Nick! How are you folks? Great to be with you. Got a great show tonight for you. We got Annette Funicello, Jimmy Durante, and Flip Wilson. Fine young colored comedian coming up out of the ranks. He'll break it big on tonight's show. It's a big deal, Ed, when a comedian comes on first, especially a colored kid. All right. Anyways.

Folks, the show is entirely... Let me make a note when I have to get out of here. Okay, great. He shows he loves it. The show is entirely supported by you listeners and watchers. Thank you to those who joined on Patreon and those who made

contributions. Please contribute. Continue to do so and I promise I'll keep working to spread honest and direct comedy and commentary through the show. You can contribute at nickdip.com and I'll read your name on the show. You'll become hugely famous.

Thank you guys so much. Now here's Bobby and his sissy singing When the Buckets Are Full, Dump It. Take it away. You know who said that? My best friend, Bob Murphy, the funniest motherfucker. I've been in comedy 30 years. I've yet to meet anybody who's funny.

Graduated first or second in our class. Just Irish brilliantly. He was Letterman before Letterman. I talk about him all the time. I mentioned him in my first special in the credits. Anyways, real quickly, we got a lot of news, too. So let's get to it. First of all, I want to show you Dallas' and Gianna, his girlfriend's work.

And this is just a soft launch. King Oliver's right here in Savannah. And it's kind of set in the Prohibition era. It's really frigging cool. And they're not even done with it yet. But here's a little of what we saw the other night. Hangin' on the wall. Jack Black.

Look at that bass fiddle. All righty. Is that me? Wow. There you go. That's the music they play when they bury a shooting victim in New Orleans. There you go. Real quickly, look around the gerund. That's King Olive's right there.

And that was, look at that. Now, is this? This is Agatha's. This is Agatha's in the back. Coffee and tea. Coffee and tea. There's booze back there too, right? Yep. look at that now is this this is agatha this is agatha's in the back coffee and tea this booze back there too right yep look at that tell me that's not a place to become an alcoholic i love that room i'm serious i'll be sitting at that thing fucking anyways so that's it uh these guys been busting their ass every night. It's funny because Gianna, his girlfriend, looks just like she was a movie star in the 20s. She's got that nice pale

and dark hair, beautiful eyes. She looks like my buddy, the late Greg Zook said that. He goes, holy shit. She's like from back in the day. It fits perfectly. All right, let's get on to some real idiot news here um i can't believe you know they talked about when trump was going to go like he's going to get us in a world war we have never been closer uh fucking as you know or you may not know pelosi that would be nancy was warned not to go to taiwan by the Chinese government. They, you know, there's a guy all week yesterday, the day before, they're going,

you know, here's a guy talking about it, actually. I think we got the... If she comes over here with those big saggy tits and those leathery nipples, we will indeed shoot her plane down, doing everybody in the United States a big favor. Nobody likes this entitled bitch with the fucking funny eyebrows.

May she die in her sleep tonight here in Taipei if we don't kill her first. And then my girlfriend said this. She said the girth is unbelievable. Anyways, back to the show. Anyways, ecky dooky. So, yeah, this just broke before we came on. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. It's nighttime over there. It's nighttime, Ed. Pelosi and a Democratic congressional delegation, even though they were to warn.

Do you know our military said it wouldn't be a good idea right now? Somebody's trying to get us into a huge shitstorm. And a Democratic congressional delegation landed in Taiwan today, meaning Tuesday night there, following through with a visit that brought condemnation

and threats from China and could sever already stramulations between Washington and Beijing. We got her entering the city. Nancy's here in Taipei. Coming out of the hotel, I guess. Oh, no. She's going to get us an okay. Oh, how about that breath? Upon the arrival, Pelosi, do you believe they still put, in parentheses, Democrat California?

We don't know. Are you fucking sucking my asshole? Go ahead, hit yourself with it. Anyways, upon the arrival of Pelosi in Taipei around 10.45 p.m. local time, she became the highest-ranking U.S. elected official to travel to the island nation since the House Speaker Newt Gingrich did in 97. Oh, that's terrific. That's just great.

Never mind we're on the edge of, and I'm not exaggerating here. I'm watching the news. I'm reading papers. Obviously, I'm not an expert in this shit, but everybody that is, is like, what is going on? Pelosi was seen exiting the plane known as Spar-19. Wearing a pink Who gives a Oh my god

What is this the Oscars What are you wearing Xi Ping's blood Wearing a pink suit and black face mask That's racist Shortly after she and the delegation Appeared to pose for photos With officials on the tarmac

Just minutes before the speaker landed In the island nation of Taipei, a 101 skyscraper displayed a welcome message for all to see. Speaker Pelosi, we welcome you to Taiwan. With a heart emoji. They love their emojis over there, even on the side of a building. And off. Later in the evening, Pelosi motorcade was spotted

arriving at the Taipei Applebee's. For, you know what, fucking jalapeno shooters. Grand Hyatt Hotel, where she's expected to stay the night. Her arrival reportedly prompted cheers from a watching crowd of hundreds. prompted cheers from a watching crowd of hundreds. Reports had circulated for weeks that Pelosi would go to Taiwan as part of an Asian tour during the August house recess. Her office had previously announced she would swing through Singapore, Malaysia, South Korea, and Japan, but they didn't mention Taiwan. She was going to do a kind of an unannounced drop-in. Takes a lot of fun. Are they trying to get us into...

Do you understand? Xi Jinping was on the phone with Biden saying, don't send that bitch over here. In China, sounds much nicer in Mandarin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I disagree.我們之前說過91號是誰手上有 Meanwhile, China controls that fucking, their name's all over it. Our visitors, on paper, we're supposed to defend them. Our visit is part of our broader trip into the Indo-Pacific, where all my money's invested, including Singapore, Malaysia, South Korea, Japan, focused on mutual security, economic

partnership, democratic, blah, blah, blah. Shut up, fucking idiot. You're going to get us all killed. You think, does stupid Biden even know she's over there? He's probably playing bingo right now, rubbing his tits in green jello, drooling on himself. Our discussions with Taiwan leadership will focus on reaffirming our support for our partner that we, we're so close to them, I'm the first one to step on Taiwan ground in and I'm prompting our shared interests, including advancing a free and open Indo-Pacific region,

blah, blah, blah. Anyways, I've had enough. She gives me a goddamn headache and it's insane. I mean, last time I checked, the Chinese don't fuck around. They said, their quote was, you know how we say, if you play with fire, you're going to get burned? They said something in their Chinese way. Those who play with fire, not diminish, whatever, disappear. My Mandarin's not too good. Those who, whatever. Whatever.

Something about fire and ribs and wonton soup. I can't. All the Chinese hack jokes you want to hear. But I'm just saying, folks. I don't know. Right now, as you and I are talking, Dallas,

it could be something. They could be like the Chinese are in the back room going, what do we do? They called out bluff. That's what she did, essentially, right? I don't know. I saw a lot of military guys on TV saying, this is really stupid.

I think they know a little bit about it. Look at that. That's one one millionth of their soldiers, by the way. Seriously, how many? Do they have like a billion with a B? They have like a billion troops. They could march them. I remember somebody said they could march them into the sea for like a year.

Seriously. It was fucking insane. But let's flick their nose when they're trying to let's anyways. Just thought you should know your life might be in danger because stupid's over there. Not just

that, also the weakening of our military in the process. It's a great time to be poking a bear. That's what I mean. I've been saying this as long as you've been watching the show. It's all scripted. It's a great time to be poking a bear. That's what I mean. And I've been saying this as long as you've been watching the show. It's all scripted. It's bigger than Republican, Democrat, blah, blah. It's bigger than that.

Somebody's taking this country is under attack right now, sort of, by the 10 guys in the room smoking the cigars. Somebody wants to take the United States to its knees. And I don't know, dude. I don't know. Then you go, well, what happens like in the midterms when we take the republic? Any of that matter? Do you hear any of the... Yesterday I'm watching, hoping to hear like Republicans standing up going, what are you

doing? Nobody. Nobody's saying Pete. It's creepy. Anyways, that's why I watch porn. You know, it was a bit... In more Biden news, I think this was a ploy. Biden blasts al-Zarahari.

I think this is a political move, too. Why now? You know what I mean? Our CIA, our intelligence, you know, they've been watching this guy through a living room window for about a year. Why now? Believe me, they know where everybody is, folks. And what am I supposed to take their word for it? I haven't seen any footage of him out on his balcony getting smoked.

Just like they threw bin Laden's body in the water. That's how cynical I am. If you say so. Why wouldn't you show us that? Maybe they have showed this one. But who, like they can't do a seat. I know, folks, I'm being unbelievably cynical. But they could CGI it.

They could do this at Fox Studios. Fucking make a guy look, you guy look Middle Eastern on a balcony. They just take clips from movies. And who knows? I don't know what to believe anymore. But why now? Al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri was killed. I said that like he's Chinese.

Look, I pulled my finger to you, Jew bastard. How did I not have hate Jews in here? Hates Jews? Hates Jews. Hates Jews. Look at this guy. He looks like that thing that you put a quarter in and it tells you your future.

Zoltar. Yeah, Zoltar. Al-Qaeda leader Ayman Azar, how he was killed while standing on the balcony of his two-bedroom in Los Angeles, looking over the pool at some young girl, on the balcony of his safe house. Afghanistan. You know what it was? It was an Airbnb. I don't think the owners are going to be happy when they see how they left it.

B&B. I don't think the owners are going to be happy when they see how they left it. In Afghanistan, when a CIA drone strike sent two Hellfire missiles. I love the word Hellfire. God damn it, I love that. Two Hellfire. That was a nickname for my penis in college.

Gave a few girls some type of disease. Hellfire missiles to pulverize the terror leader and plotter of the 9-11 attack. He was the brains behind 9-11, supposedly. He was teaching bin Laden everything he knew. Again, okay, if you say so. Bye-bye, dickhead. Unfortunately, Bill Russell was killed in the collateral damage. What? The precision strike took place in the heart of downtown Kabul.

Yeah, I wouldn't want you to kill anybody hanging around him during the early, like his family. I don't give a fuck. During the early morning hours, Saturday ending a 21 year, 21 year manhunt. Now, right there, you guys, a bell should go off, question mark, because literally we have the capability to follow these guys to the men's room for the last 20 years. You're going to ask yourself, why is he still in play? They said he was dead years ago. Remember? That's why I have a tendency not to believe this shit.

Osama bin Laden's successor and making him the most significant U.S. counterterror operation since the 2019 slaying of ISIS commander Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, a good friend of mine. Anyhow, here's our fucking leader, Joe Biden. Listen to the energy. If he's not the most inspiring speaker I have ever heard. The poor guy is obviously drugged up because he slurs every time you hear the poor bastard, right? Unless he's eating an ice cream cone and he gets all excited. Sugar kicks in. Listen to the energy. He's about to announce a big thing. By the way, I guarantee he had no idea this was happening. He was watching murder, she wrote, eating a big bowl of ice cream, and they had to go, Mr. President, we've got to show you what we did. Watch this, Mama Luke.

My fellow Americans. Ooh, energy. On Saturday, at my direction, at my direction, the United States successfully concluded an airstrike He's drunk. in Kabul, Afghanistan that killed the emir of Al-Qaeda. Iman al-Zawiri.

Oh, say that with energy. You know, Zawiri was bin Laden's leader. Zawiri? He was with him all the whole time. Ah, my head hurts. He was his number two man as deputy at the time the terrorists attacked 9-11. Is that right? He was deeply involved in the planning of 9-11.

Okay. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck. You know that? The terror leader had stepped onto his balcony in the Shapur neighborhood of Kabul. I think Biden must have some bad memories about Kabul. This is kind of, maybe this is what this is. This is him saving face for that.

Don't forget, folks, everything they do, the final goal is to win elections and get power. They're all for it. That's all it is. And the Shapur neighborhood of Kabul, when the U.S. drone fired two specifically designed RX-9 Hellfire missiles dubbed sword bombs.

The tip of that thing, it can... It's hummus-seeking. It's a hummus-seeking missile. Baklava as well. And baklava. Those two... Due to the blades that allow the weapon to cut the baklava. To tear through the metal.

And it does. It tears through walls. And they should use this on Flip This Fucking Goat Farm. Without destroying entire structures. Boy, good news. Durka, Durka, Muhammad Jihad. Haka Sherpa Sherpa. Bacala.

Put my finger, you Yankee pig. I dare you. President Biden confirmed al-Zahawi's death during an evening address in which he declared justice has been delivered and so has my cheeseburgers. Good night everybody. And this terrorist leader is no more. Now we make it clear again tonight that no matter how long it takes, it took a little longer than we'd like. I mean he was in business for 21 years but boy Trump shut him down. No matter where you hide, if you're a threat to our people, the United States will find you and take you out, Biden said. Really? Well, let me ask you this, Mr. Biden, Mr. President.

You know what scares me? You just whacked this guy high up on the, supposedly, on the terror chain. And in the last year, we have confirmed reports, because of your open border policy, there's, what, 50 to 100 people who are on the terror watch list unaccounted for in this country, meaning we don't know where they are. So I would look for reprisal. I hope I'm wrong. It's going to be pretty easy. They're setting up shop as we speak, because you're open border, you fucking... Look, he's pointing to one right there. Look behind the deodorant to the CBS.

After carefully considering the clear and convincing evidence of his location, I authorized... No, you didn't. You slept right through this. I authorized the precision... By the way, he was against killing bin Laden, remember? He was the only guy that was against. I authorized a precision strike that will remove him from the battlefield once and for all. None of Al Zawahiri's family members were hurt.

Who gives a rat's cheese? And there were no civilian casualties. Couple of goats got a bad sunburn, the president said, calling a mission to eliminate the terrorist leader a total a success okay we'll vote you in again okay 2024 no one fucking yeah look i can do it i'm like dumb i'm smart like everybody says dumb hey guys i'm working on some late summer tour dates right now apparently my manager's telling me in this thing I read. And I'll keep you posted on those in the meantime.

I have a few shows on sale now that I want you to know about, and hopefully you can make one of them. Friday, September 9th, Soul Joles Comedy Club, Royalsville, Pennsylvania. Saturday, September 10th, Algonquin Arts Theater, Manasquan, New Jersey. Sunday, September 11th, that's three nights in a row, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center, Chester, New York. Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club. Where's Palm Beach up in that motherfucker?

Sunday, November 13th, Sidesplitters Comedy Club, Tampa. And at the Tampa show, I'll be doing a live Q&A after the show with VIP ticket holders, so grab them before you can. It's going to be embarrassing if there's two people there. Hey, where'd you get your shirt? I don't know, Target. All right, thanks. Bye.

See you. Bye. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Anyhow, the good humorless man. A little play on an ice cream joke. President Biden is well known for his love of ice cream because it reminds him of the loads that he swallowed when he was babysitting those kids at the public pool enough in fact that a major news outlet fact-checking organization

was dispatched to debunk a viral clip of him being lured away by the dulcet sounds of an ice cream truck. This is a true story. I'm not kidding you. Oh, fucking idiot. Should we show it now or is it coming up? All right. I can never remember right places. Social media users are sharing a video of U.s president joe biden walking away

momentarily during a speech given by u.s first lady joe biden probably did it out of boredom that part's probably real and claiming that he was distracted by an ice cream truck the video again it's a joke right i think we all know this is a joke the video beginning being shared however has been digitally edited to include music usually played by an ice cream truck. Go ahead. Okay, here it is. So, Principal Richardson, you know, thank you for welcoming us here today. And Secretary Cardona and Mayor Bowser and Chancellor Farabee, you know, thank you for joining us as well.

And for families across the country. You know, just... Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs, yeah! Okay, so listen to this. This is why I'm doing this story. The wire service Reuters reported on Sunday the outlet was concerned by the spread of clips of Biden while listening to First Lady Jill Biden speaking at the D.C. middle school on September 10, 2021.

Reuters linked to a C-SPAN video of the speech, which showed there was no ice cream truck music. It was unclear what briefly distracted the president as his wife waxed poetic on children returning to school. Danger, Will Robinson. No. Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Including me. Why aren't more people interrogating, like me? The sober fact check of the humorous video,

I'll repeat that, the sober, meaning serious fact check, of the humorous video caught the attention of social media. That's how humorless the left and the press they were concerned somebody might take this as and he complains he doesn't get protection from the press. This fucking cheesy

he walked away. He couldn't believe how dumb his wife is. That's why he walked away. That's so fucking funny. Caught the attention of social media users who expressed derision in amusement at the fact check, which they should. The Reuters fact check also caught the attention of Twitter, which flagged the above video as manipulated media. They had to put a disclaimer on it. That's how stupid we are of the people that hang out on Twitter. Manipulated media, they put over the thing.

And link to a page noting the outlet's findings. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. So fucking stupid. 1984. Yeah, oh yeah. Wow. Wow.

You know what's funny? It makes it even more funny. We're living in a time where they have technology that they could do a CGI right now that you wouldn't know. I'm not even me here. It could be fucking Lucille Ball while she's dead. Deep fake. Yeah, deep fake videos that kids in high school could do that will fool experts. So can you imagine with that in mind, people, oh, they might take this one serious.

Let's get on to something that we used to have in this country that separated us from all the other shitholes. It's called equal justice under the law, meaning everybody gets treated. Remember, you know, blind, justice is blind, and it doesn't matter who, what race, religion, you know, if you spit on the sidewalk, you, $2 fine for everybody. Unless you're, again, in Taipei, then they cut off your cock. Equal justice, my ass. The first United states capital riot defendant convicted at trial was sentenced to more than seven years in prison monday seven they wanted 15 by the way the longest punishment handed down to date in the january 6 2021 attack on congress seven years on Congress. Seven years.

The guy had a gun with him. And again, just think about the riots and the Department of Justice wanted 15 because it's an attack on you and white people, white guys, the real terror

threat. Not the black guys fucking murdering every day and after George Floyd burning cities to the ground, killing people. No. They wanted 15 years. The judge, female, knocked it down to seven things like she was doing him a favor. You're out of order. You're out of order. The whole trial is out of order. You're out of order. The whole trial is out of order.

They're out of order. Guy Reffitt, a recruiter for the right wing. Can I ask you this? How many times do you read an article that says the left wing group or the liberal journalist? Have you ever read that ever? Never. Thank you very much. For the right wing Texas three percenters movement.

These are guys like low fat milk. Now I'm sick of being. No more two. We want three. That's right. It's a big movement. Three percent movement was convicted March 8th of five felony offenses, including obstruction of Congress as it met to certify the 2020 election result. Interfering, but yet the words, nobody's been charged with insurrection. You guys know that? You know there's some people still sitting there for over a year now?

This is, in the United States of America, and fucking, this is insane. Interfering with police and carrying a firearm to a riot. As opposed to he should have brought sparklers? And threatening his teenage son who turned him in to the teenage son who turned him in to the his son turned him in fucking bitch exactly prosecutor said ref it led a mob while armed at the capitol and asked a judge to sentence him to 15 years after applying a

terrorism sentencing penalty u.s district judge dab Judge Dabney L. Friedrich, seen here, condemned Reffitt's conduct in handing down an 87-month sentence, saying, again, it's another, why am I sexist pig? Because she's never been in a fight. She's never experienced violence. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe her uncle fucking dicked her. I don't know. But I'm just saying.

I want to knock that smug look off her face. Saying at a five-hour hearing that his views espousing political violence. What do you think her politics are? Political violence were absurd. They were delusional and way outside the mainstream. Says who? Your mainstream. I say the fucking election was stolen. They should have went in there and burned the the mainstream. Says who? Your mainstream. I say the fucking election was stolen.

They should have went in there and burned the fucking place down. Yeah, quote me. Just don't arrest me. Aye? Who gives a fuck what you think? Few people. He's in a class of his own so far as I'm aware

in terms of what he was doing there that day. Really? How about the FBI that fucking opened the doors for people? What was their mindset and what he claimed, what he was there to do? Friedrich said, oh. Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White, onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. I'm going to have to sell a bloopers reel on myself.

The judge said that in a democracy, people vote their conscience in an election booth, not through violence. They also steal them, actually, in an election booth. They actually, yeah, look it up. Go see 2,000 mules. It's, ugh. She makes me,000 mules. It's... Ugh. She makes me sick to my stomach.

Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Will you shut... I'm supposed to sit there and go, well, she cut it in half, whatever. It should have never been 15 to begin with. Unbelievable. The defense for Refit, a 49-year-old former oil industry rig manager, again, somebody who had a real job, asked for a below-guideline sentence of two years in prison, which, you know, even that, I'm sorry, man, even that, I don't know. I didn't see any blood spilled on your side.

I didn't see anybody hurt. Attorney F. Clinton Prodden said his client committed no violence and has no criminal history, yet prosecutors sought far more time for him than for defendants who have pleaded guilty to assaulting police, accusing the government of retaliating against Reffitt for going to trial. Remember, nobody went to prison for this. Oh, where's the clip? Did I? Is it? I should have put this. Nobody went to, remember what I'm going to show you. Nobody that we know went to prison.

And keep in mind, Kamala Harris, the vice president, was actually helping, bailing people out. This is after George Floyd, you know, Minneapolis, Atlanta, all this. Now compare this to what you saw on January 6th. Destruction into the early morning hours. Dozens of American cities up in flames after some protests turned into riots. Where's all those people? They in that slammer?

Again, that's not a threat to democracy right there. You filthy. Anyways, I don't like it. Hey, guys, make sure to grab an official Nick DiPaolo show T-shirt or a hat or a mug or a mini skirt or, you know what, wireless bra for yourself or someone else today. or, you know what, wireless bra for yourself or someone else today. Purchasing merch is another way to pay for my 18-year-old daughter's education at Brown.

Purchasing merch is another way to help support this show and also be the best-dressed guy or gal in town, or trans. I don't care. I also love getting pictures sent in town or trans. I don't care. I also love getting pictures sent in from you fans. I've mentioned this for a month now. Nobody sent any. Is anybody watching this show? A viewer, your kids or your dogs

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Baseball been very, very good to me. Headline, vagina's real purpose other than shooting ping pong balls. Who wrote that? A TikTok doctor, a woman, by the way, has boldly declared, and again, if a guy said this, you'd probably be in trouble, wouldn't you? What she believes to be the main function

of the vagina. I know what it is. You fuck people out of money and get away with it. That goes in the highlight reel right there. Dr. Teresa Irwin, a self-described vaginocologist. Hey, that's what I went by when I was in college.

I was the vaginocologist. Get your hot dogs. Yeah, get your hot dogs here. Who specializes in female pelvic dysfunctions. I've seen her work at three in the morning on YouTube. You don't believe me? Check out this fucking couch cushions.

Pelvic dysfunctions clocked 567,300 views with a controversial clip that she recently shared on the social media site. In the viral video, which now appears to be deleted. Irwin appears in blue scrubs as she asks viewers to guess the primary function of a woman's

private part. Why is it deleted? Is that? Anyways, this is her telling you ladies what your vagina, why God gave it to you. Howdy from Texas. I'm Dr. Teresa Irwin, the vaginologist. Pause. We don't know why the audio was like this. And this is how it was. And then they said, that's her real voice.

She's got a nine-inch cock. No, but it was. This. She's got a nine-inch cock. No, but it was. This is the audio on the thing. Go ahead. Play it anyways. When I ask this question, Somebody says to have babies. The answer is to have babies.

And she says, not quite. The vagina serves a purpose to have babies. But we can also have babies through... This is Kevin Durant talking. Primary function sex. Pause. To have periods, she said, and no, but that's

part of it. The primary purpose, she says it right there, is sex. And you guys, you women, your mother always said you guys only want one thing. Apparently we were right. What it was for. I didn't want your blood.

I didn't want babies. I'm going to pound that motherfucker. I'm a ham. All right, let her roll. Yes, the answer I get is to have periods. And yes, the vagina. All right, that's enough. She sounds like she needs to burp.

Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy, la la la la. With that deep voice, I don't know that she has a vagina. I'd like to ask her this. Perhaps you'd like me to come in there and wash your dick for you. Anywho, the doctor's video thrilled TikTokers with many female viewers feeling compelled to share secrets from their own sex lives. Meanwhile, Irwin's video also attracted the attention of many male viewers who also shared their thoughts.

My wife apparently didn't get the message. Once sex star man quipped. Dr. Irwin boasts more than 80,000 followers on TikTok. By the way, TikTok is, you're helping China, but go ahead, play with it. Where she frequently shares videos about vaginal health, but why don't you... My vagina's angry. Well, go see the doctor. It is. It's pissed off. Anyhow. So that's it. We cleared up that mystery. It's for sex. But then again, you've got to go, well, what's sex?

Can you believe you get that much attention, that much attention by saying something like that? Okay, it's for sex, but what's sex for? To procreate. So I don't know. It's all kind of, I know. Bill Hicks had a great beat about the religious right who say, you know, they believe in the Bible and be fruitful and multiply. Right?

Yet they're against, I can't remember the bit. Oh, they're against porn. In recent clip, I said that like I was from another country. In recent clip, she hand me remote control. Put remote control back in docking station. In a recent clip, she revealed easy ways that women can avoid a yeast infection. How about this? Not throw a handful of all-purpose flour in your pussy before you go to the beach.

Bobby Slayton. Bobby Slayton was one of the funniest guys. He's got a voice like this. My wife, you know, she goes, my wife gets these yeast infections. What if she goes to the beach? Her pussy's going to turn into a donut shop. I'm sorry. It'll be funny.

Tell him 100. Anyways, how to avoid yeast infections in the summer months. Don't avoid them. I love them. I always run out of sour cream. Telling viewers. Oh, God. I just threw up in my own mouth.

Telling viewers to abstain from using tampons and staying and don't stay in sweaty workout. That explains why I got one last month. Oh my god, that fucking... Anyways. Finally tonight, a good guy with a gun. This was a great, this is what I call a feel-good story. An elderly

convenience store owner. California is just... I can't tell you how many clips I... There's one today of an old lady getting her face kicked by four young black guys. I can't even report it. I can't keep it up. They're goblins upon the earth. An elderly convenience store owner in California is being

hailed as a hero. They have Pat Robertson. You ever hear of the 700 Club? The healthy Pat Robertson. You ever hear of the 700 Club? Well, I got the... The healthy Pat Robertson. You ever hear of the 700 Club? I got the 870 Club. It's a Remington pump action. Being hailed as a hero after he shot at a would-be robber

who ran out of the store screaming that his arm was shot off. I love it. Don't you ever try to fuck me. Shocking surveillance footage from Norco Market in Liquor and the 2800 block of Clark Avenue in Norco, California showed a mass assailant entering the building at about 2.47 in the morning with an AR-15 style rifle pointed at the 80-year-old store owner. The suspect yelled, freeze, hands in the air, like you just

don't care. Black people always ask you to put your hands in the air at a concert, at a fucking stick-up. But within seconds, the quick-thinking store owner pulled out a shotgun from under the counter and immediately shot once at the robber, hitting him in the goddamn arm. That's the only bad part of the story, hit him in the arm. But I guess the kid was in critical condition, so there is some good... Let's take a look at this guy coming into the store like a big shot, huh? Blasted him. God bless him. Look at these comms at Cucumber.

Watch this. Fucking Apple Dumpling Gang. Ain't so bad now, huh? He shot my arm off. What is this, a Disney movie? Oh, my God. I hope they get a ticket. They parked in a handicapped zone. That's the worst part of this whole thing.

Oh, my God. Put your hands in the air. Yeah. Who are you talking to, fella? You go fuck yourself, convict. Riverside County Sheriff's officials arrested three suspects. Justin Johnson, 22, of Englewood. That ain't no white neighborhood. Jamal Williams, 27. That ain't no white name. Of LA and Devon Broaddus. That ain't no white neighborhood. Jamal Williams, 27, that ain't no white name. Of L.A. and Devon Broadus, that ain't no goddamn white boy. Of Las Vegas at a local hospital. Oh, my God. The primary, by the way, we've paid 200 times over for slavery in this country. Anyways, the primary suspect, a 23-year-old man, remained in critical but stable condition at the hospital, officials said.

His identity is being withheld. Really? I'm going to go with Tyrone Jackson. Withheld pending his release from the hospital. In this case, a lawfully armed member of our community prevented a violent crime and ensured their own safety while being confronted with multiple armed suspects. I love this guy. He was the best guy around. The Riverside County Sheriff's Office said in a press conference,

this investigation is active and ongoing, and no additional information will currently be released. I guarantee with gas going, they're probably already out by now. Employees at Norco Market and Liquor said the owner was watching the store cameras as the SUV pulled into the parking lot. Once he saw the first assailant get out of the SUV and pull a mask over his face, the owner immediately went for his rifle like a good American. And then after he shot him, then what did you do?

I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Good for you. Good for you, Spider. Pat Robertson, a couple of young colored kids broke into my liquor store with the help of Jesus Christ and my shotgun, my Remington 870. Special edition. Annie Hay, Annie Who. Unbelievable. Special edition. Anywho. Unbelievable.

News is scary, man. There's 20 clips a day. I can't tell you guys. I don't know what. We really are. Nobody's doing it. Anyhow. Before I go, I just want to say this to youhow. So before I go,

I just want to say this to you guys. Fucking I hope I see you tomorrow. I don't know what's going on right now in China as Pelosi bounces her big saggy tits around Taipei. She's going to set off a war. I can't wait to get home

to see what the thing is. It's not as important as the baseball trades, but the fucking Sox, I don't know what the thing is. It's not as important as the baseball trades, but the fucking Sox, I don't know what they're doing. Picked up fucking Babe Ruth's niece and some cash and a play to be named later.

All right, that is it. Don't forget to sign up at patreon.com monthly. Don't forget to sign up at, you know what, thecomicsgym.com. Don't forget to go to nickdip.com and cameo.com. If you'd like me to roast a friend or, oh, I got one waiting.

That reminds me. A friend or a relative I could roast to say happy birthday to go to cameo.com. That's it. You guys think and I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back. Tomorrow's what, Wednesday? See you tomorrow at the same time, hopefully.

Take care, kids. tomorrow's what wednesday see you tomorrow at the same time hopefully take care kids Hold on guitar solo Outro Music