The Nick DiPaolo Show - NYC Black Racist Terrorist Caught
Episode Date: April 14, 2022Frank R. James arrested. Cruz quips back. Abbott has gifts for Biden. "Major" biting incident. If you would just listen......
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For your consideration for Best Actor in a Supporting Role,
Gilbert Godfrey in 12 Years a Slave.
Holy shit, I'm a f***ing slave! guitar solo Oh, yeah.
How are you, folks?
Final week.
Final day of the week.
What about a month?
Final month of the summer.
And we are.
Good night, everybody.
Good to be with you on a Thursday.
A Thursday.
That was a quick tribute to the very funny Gilbert Gottfried,
who's really a funny...
Somebody sent me a clip.
Jesus Christ, how much whiskey did you put in?
I don't know if it was the name of one of his specials,
but the clip was Hitler had a grandson.
So go on YouTube and watch that.
It's about seven and a half minutes
of Gilbert Godfrey doing the darkest shit.
It must have been from the nasty show in Montreal.
Oh, my God.
And that was Steven Crowder, by the way.
That wasn't Gilbert doing the, oh, my God, I'm a slave. Steven Crowder, by the way. That wasn't Gilbert doing the
Oh my God, I'm a slave. Steven Crowder
That might be the best impression I've ever heard
in person. That wasn't quick enough to appreciate
it.
It's scary how good he does.
Yeah,
good old Gilbert. Like I said, he was a
dick to me on the Nick and Artie show, but there were other
times he was fine with me. I think
he might have been mad
that Artie didn't show up or whatever.
But
67.
You could tell, though. He wasn't the healthy. He always
made jokes about himself.
He didn't look like the healthiest guy.
And he was known for... Do you know what he was known for?
And this is no bullshit.
Even after he became famous and had plenty of money,
he'd always steal these sweet and loaves and the shit from the hotels and the bullshit. Even after he became famous and had plenty of money, he'd always steal the sweet and lows
and the shit from the hotels and the soap.
Even though...
Oh, just an odd duck,
which makes for a funny duck.
Real quick, I just went over the headlines in the Post.
Nothing big-breaking,
but there was a couple interesting ones.
I guess some woman went into a gas station
and I didn't get to read the article,
but like somebody had kidnapped her and shit.
And she did some TikTok thing.
She held her hand up like that.
I guess you put your thumb in, you go like that.
And it means you're in trouble.
And she did that to the woman at the register,
and she knew it.
The register woman knew it and did it back. And she went, and I didn't read the rest at the register, and she knew it. The register woman knew it and did it back,
and she went, and I didn't read the rest of the story. I thought I'd tease it. Read it yourself.
What am I, a slave? I'm a slave. That's pretty, that'll be, you know what, we don't need good
news from TikTok. We have to get rid of it. Now people are going to sign up. It can save my kids' life.
Right now it's ruining it.
You know, the other thing about TikTok,
China cut off all outside
information
to Russia
while the war's going on.
And then
then, I can't
remember, sent them stuff, like, backing them.
They were disseminating information, blocking some, disseminating other positive stuff to Russia, I guess.
So you could conclude that they're backing Russia, anyway.
China and Russia getting together.
How can't this be World
War III? Right? I mean, that crazy guy they caught, I'm getting to that right now. Frank
James actually said that in one of his YouTube posts. It is World War III. Even a violent,
hateful black guy can be right once in a while. Am I right, Cory Booker?
You've never been right. Shut your fucking hole.
Alright. Violent
colored guy apprehended. Who writes
this shit? I mean, it actually
said Negro. I can't believe the
producers, Kevin and Tom,
over there, putting that
shit up like that. Are you trying to get me in trouble?
On Wednesday, I'll go through this quick.
You guys probably already know this.
Such an interesting story.
But again, I'm obligated to keep you people informed
in case he breaks out and flies to your town.
On Wednesday, subway gunman suspect Frank James
arrested, he was arrested walking around
the East Village in Lower Manhattan.
He didn't even try to hide folks.
You understand?
James was taken into custody on Wednesday on First Avenue between 7th and 8th Street, no, right where it is, after a bystander recognized him and called the police. His arrest
comes a day after allegedly shooting 10 people, and I think he wounded 19 more for like a total of 29. Five of them critical, I heard.
On a packed Brooklyn train, James has been charged with carrying out a terrorist attack.
Hey, Joe, take a look at this.
Study this, Joe.
This is a terror attack.
Not wandering around the Capitol with your face painted and not doing anything.
You know, maybe breaking a window.
See, this is a terror attack, and it's a black terror attack,
a black nationalist, Joe.
Again, Joe, that's a black guy.
And Sacramento, I think, was a black guy last week.
So, again, you're finished anyways.
You're fucking finished. I'm just saying,
this is why people hate you and your false narrative. White supremacy doesn't even fucking
exist. If it did, we would have been in a war after Ferguson or maybe even before that.
Anyhow, back to the show. He'd been wandering around the village. He was charged with carrying out a terrorist attack on mass transit.
Who gives a fuck where?
He was in a pizza parlor.
Let it slide.
Have you had their pepperoni?
Dog shit.
At a presser on Wednesday, NYPD Chief of Detectives James Essig said that the 62-year-old,
who had six arrests in New York was known to us.
Police said a James rap sheet included two sex crimes charges and four possession of
burglary tool charges in New York between 92 and 98.
In New Jersey, he was charged with trespassing in 91, larceny in 92, disorderly conduct in
2007.
Once again, I'll say it, three strikes and you're out.
You should be fucking put away for at least 15. Honest to God, you fucks, it's that easy. James was taken into custody on
Wednesday on First Avenue between 7th and 8th, and I'm reading the article as it was written.
They repeat shit they already told you. After a bystander recognized him and
called the police, his arrest on
Wednesday brought an end to an embarrassing
fruitless day-long
manhunt by the NYPD.
And I don't like to pick on the NYPD
because they risk their neck
every day. You already, for years,
L-sharped them and the rest of the race,
baited some shit on them.
And you saw how bad it got in the last couple of years.
They were responsible for everything.
Rocks being thrown at them.
So they still put their neck on the line.
So shut the fuck up.
But it's a good question.
I don't know how this guy wandered around right under their nose.
After allegedly shooting 33 shots on the northbound end train
at 8.24 a.m. from his 9mm,
James ran across the platform with other terrified commuters and got onto a northbound R train.
He got off at the R train at the 25th Street in Brooklyn.
On Wednesday morning, he got on the train again.
Where did he stay? At his cousin's?
At 9.15 a.m. in Park Slope and traveled into Manhattan
right under the noses of doubled number of cops on trains.
How does that happen?
How does that...
Again, I don't want to pick on the cops,
but it wasn't until Zach Tahan, a 21-year-old from New Jersey
who was fixing, ironically, a store security camera in the East Village,
spotted James on First Avenue, and then he was arrested.
This kid, I read a couple different versions.
Apparently, he chased the guy down and tackled him.
That's what one eyewitness said, but here he is talking about it.
Hi, how are you? What is your name?
I'm good. My name is Zach.
I was working inside that store, and I was doing security cameras inside.
And I see the guy, he walking from the screen. I see him from the cameras.
So I thought, oh, this guy, let me call the police. And I call him and we got him.
Zach, you are a hero. Thank you so much.
No problem. We try to make the people safe always because the life is nice, you know.
Thank you, Zach. You hear because the people were nice. The life was nice, you know? Thank you, Zach.
You hear that? Life is nice.
Now, I know, look, for a lot of you that live in the Midwest and hear that,
you're like, Jesus Christ, it's typical New York.
Black maniac, a guy I can't even understand says,
guys like this is what New York's about.
And there's more of them than bad guys, even now, by the way.
But you see how happy he was?
And he says, last thing, life is nice.
Probably came from a shithole.
Although I couldn't tell you that accent, where it's from.
Dallas, you're an expert.
What was that?
Definitely somewhere Middle Eastern.
It is Middle Eastern.
That's what I thought.
Dallas knows he has a duplex in Tehran.
It's pretty low right now.
Yeah.
But here's the weird thing. A call came in into Crimestoppers. The guy says, you know, I think you're looking for me. I'm seeing my picture
all over the news. I'll be around this McDonald's. I want to clear things up.
It was a misunderstanding. I didn't see the no parking sign there.
Law enforcement sources told the Post of the bizarre moment.
Frank James called the cops on himself.
There's something wrong with the black man's mind.
No, not there.
There's something wrong with his mind.
So the unit responds, and he's not at the McDonald's.
So they start driving around and see a man who fits the description.
When they take him into custody, they find his Wisconsin driver's license.
Oh, my God.
Don't you move, you motherfucker.
I'll blow your brains out.
A couple of eagle-eyed New Yorkers also flagged down a pair of cops
after they spotted James sauntering around the East Village
where he briefly sat down at an undor, undor, outdoor,
undor, yeah, they don't have any doors anymore.
Those are outdoor dining shed.
Shed?
The fuck, you sit next to a snowblower having a sandwich?
And charged his phone at a link New York City hub.
The NYPD swooped in shortly after and put handcuffs on.
Can you, am I not, I'm not getting this. Are you?
No.
I thought the kid, one eyewitness woman said he chased him, tackled him.
Yeah, it's not adding up.
I'm getting two stories here.
Then this says he called in and was, again, does it make you wonder?
Again, not to be cynical, maybe I'm just reading it wrong, but again, and for you fans of
mine out there who are going, that's fake blood. There's a woman pouring blood. You don't see
you got no proof either. It's fucking your point of view versus mine. I got to believe if you go
to New York and when you see the victims in the hospital and shit,
is that a continuation?
Yes, I brought up false flag,
but I didn't say it was definitely.
You guys talk like you're fucking... Or that it was that extreme.
It could still be a false flag
and he'd actually go in and shoot people.
It doesn't have to be all fake.
Oh, absolutely.
No, they do kill people when they do a false flag sometimes.
But I'm reading, I read a couple of emails.
Didn't you see the lady dumping blood on the fucking, whatever.
Folks, again, you have as much proof as I do.
And when they're interviewing people in the hospital two weeks from now,
you're going to tell me it's still part of the act?
What do they have, casting calls?
Can you act like a Puerto Rican woman shot in the stomach?
Ay caramba!
You got it!
Anyways, I love you folks, but don't get
too fucking cocky like you know more than I do.
I could call New York right now.
Hey, Colin Quinn,
go up to Precinct 9.
Park Slope, he fucking lived there.
Anyways, at a press conference on Wednesday,
Mayor Adams, what a useless piece of cheese
this fuckface is. Look at him.
He looks like a healthy Al Sharpton.
What I said was,
Mr. O'Reilly,
the black
people, the progressives don't
understand a black people.
Mayor Adams, who was in quarantine,
had to go. He couldn't put a mask on and get out there?
Again, that's odd.
It's odd that he's in quarantine.
The cameras weren't working.
We're getting two different stories.
Maybe you're right about the fake blood.
If you are, I will send you one of those three-foot-long Subway sandwiches.
Anyways, he's in quarantine with fake COVID, he said in a video message.
We got him.
No, you didn't.
Zach got him.
I think.
I don't know.
Sewell also thanked the NYPD detectives and claimed they gave James nowhere to hide.
Really?
Really?
As he wandered the streets right under cops' noses.
But both were eviscerated by New York.
You can't get anything past New Yorkers, by the way.
James was able to evade cops, even on the subway this morning,
riding from Park Slope into Manhattan at 9.50.
Do you guys understand?
He committed a mass shooting on a subway and not even 12 hours late,
he's riding the trains again?
Two days before the mass shooting, he posted another video where he said black people were forced into violence by racism.
Wow, there's a new song.
This is what white bitches and white motherfuckers expect you to be when you blow one of their fucking brains out.
This is what you asked for.
This is how you wanted me to be,
obviously, he said, pinning it all on white people. It's fucking insane. He was drinking
white rum. He finished the whole bottle. And it was like 100 proof. There's another article. He
goes, I'm finishing this. Go to bed. He's signing off to his listeners. It's fucking insane.
I'm glad they got him, but don't brag how quickly you did it.
How long before Bragg lets him off?
Yeah.
Never happened.
Not in a million years.
Bragg would get shot.
Seriously.
Go ahead, Bragg.
Well, he'll probably give him a fucking, yeah, exactly.
Give him probation.
He'll have to work at a car wash, and he'll put a thing on probably give him a fucking, yeah, exactly. Yeah, give him probate. He'll have to work at a car wash,
and he'll put a thing on his ankle for a week.
It's a great point.
Forgot about, we haven't heard much from him.
Is he still employed?
Unfortunately.
Coffee and leche con crema is azúcar.
That's coffee with cream and sugar.
Or azúcar, as we say. That's coffee with cream and sugar. Or azúcar,
as we say.
Let's go, Red Sox!
Put up nine yesterday.
Anyways,
one of these senators
I can't make my mind up is Ted Cruz.
Brilliant guy. Even the lips
will tell you. Very, very smart.
Dershowitz said he was the best student in his class
that he ever had. you, very, very smart. Dershowitz said he was the best student in his class that he ever had. But again, sometimes he says the wrong thing.
Remember he called the people that were arrested on January 6th terrorists,
and then he took it back?
You guys remember that?
So anyways, Teddy Cruz verbally bitch-slaps a Yale student.
Senator Ted Cruz declined to answer if he would
fillate, that's a Bloa guy I was told by my life partner Dave, fillate another man
to end world hunger, somebody asked him, would you fillate another man to end while speaking at Yale University on Monday.
Look at the guy who's asking the question.
Do we have him asking it?
Yeah, but it is the end.
Play it now, please.
All right.
Listen to this fruit cup.
Hello.
My name is Evan.
Assuming that would end global hunger, would you fillet another man?
You snob.
Dare I ask him to repeat?
Well, actually, so I do have an answer to this.
All right. I actually think it is better that the Yaley answer this.
You know, there was a line in American Psycho about that Yale thing.
I think that's what...
That could have been sexist.
I didn't realize he was referring to the hot blonde.
Nobody could give him shit for that.
Go ahead.
Our questioner is alluding to, like a typical left-wing undergraduate, you are engaging in consequentialist ethics.
typical left-wing undergraduate, you are engaging in consequentialist ethics. You are attempting to justify flagrantly immoral behavior to achieve a good end. And I tell you, my friend,
the ends do not justify the means. Absolutely. Absolutely not.
Good answer.
I am curious with that young fellow, if it would solve world hunger, would you vote for Donald Trump?
Look how serious Ted Cruz is.
That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it.
Asking clearly a gay guy,
would you blow Donald Trump if it was going to end world hunger?
Of course I would, and I'd get a meal and...
Cruz visited Yale to record a live episode of his podcast,
Verdict, which he hosts with conservative political commentator,
that guy there, Michael Knowles.
The two address hot topics such as intellectual diversity
and the confirmation
of Kentucky...
Brown Jackson.
She's a malignant cunt.
Don't say that. I'll say it.
A question from a student named Evan
got the crowd going. That was Evan asking
the question, being the big girl that
he is. Boy,
Yale, huh?
What a good comeback by Cruz. There must have been, I don't want to say
conservatives there, but Michael Knoll's got a round of applause with his. So maybe they were
speaking to the 11 conservatives that, I don't know. Or they're a bunch of law students who
appreciated him saying what he said. Any he, any how. I thought that was pretty goddamn
funny.
Tonight,
tonight.
It was up till
2 o'clock watching
Evil Lives Here.
Again,
a show based on the side of the bed my wife sleeps on.
You're bound to be done with that at some point,
as much as you fucking watch.
Dude, I know.
You don't understand how long it takes me to find ones I didn't watch.
You know what I mean?
I got a thousand of them, and I'm like,
oh, fucking hell, Bill Patrick, I know what he did to his wife.
Oh, this sick fuck drowned his kids.
Let me watch this one again. And here's the funny
thing. When the guys are serial, and there's a bunch of these, I did a bit on stage about it.
When it's a guy, a serial killer, like a trucker killing hookers, I just skip that. I go,
what's evil about that? It's cleaning up America. Or when it's a black serial killer, I go,
we've seen their evil.
You know what I mean?
It shows that I am racist sometimes.
But no, I've watched the black one.
Actually, the black one was the best one.
The black guy was just,
they think he was the most prolific
serial killer, which I wish Patrice
O'Neill was alive. I could
call him and go, hey, here's the guy with the record, apparently, for serial killing. Put a hole in your theory.
But God, it's fucking... Oh, here's the other thing. Again, I taught you guys how to watch TV.
I almost can't watch it anymore because it opens. Every show opens to let you know it's a Christian.
Like, last night
it was a guy just talking like he was reading out
of the Bible. You know what I mean? It'll open on a
crucifix
a woman's wearing and it'll pull back.
It's so obvious.
I just want to meet the guys,
the people who
created the show and say,
you know we see through your shit, or at least I do.
We know you call it that evil lives here, and it's all stories about religious, mostly Christians.
You understand you're not fooling anybody, right? You do get that we see what you're doing,
at least 10 of us do. You call it evil lives here. And 80% of your stories
are about Christian people who are
serial killers. In other words, you
equate evil with
Christianity.
And I don't know.
I sort of think Islam
has done more evil shit in the last
thousand years than Christians have.
So make that show. And call it
fucking Muhammad Lives Here.
And don't have a farmhouse
when the show opens.
Have a nice fucking mosque
with a roof blown off it.
Anyways, yeah.
So I have to put the nonsense aside.
They just fucking love to equate.
And again, that would have been edgy Hollywood in 1958.
You understand how behind the times you are?
Anyhow, any he.
What's the headline?
I went past it.
Let's see if I can find it here.
Cruise. Abbott. Oh, any he. What's the headline? I went past it. Let's see if I can find it here. Cruz.
Abbott.
Oh, Abbott.
Hey, Abbott.
Not bad, fella.
You hear that, folks?
Turning to the morning zoo show
with my,
my wacky sidekick,
fucking Skipper Burgess.
my wacky sidekick, fucking Skipper Burgess.
This is Abbott gives a gift to Biden.
The first bus filled with two dozen illegal immigrants from Texas arrived in D.C. Wednesday,
one week after Governor Greg Abbott,
who I'm still on the fence with,
which is actually no pun intended.
I'm still on the fence with, which is actually no pun intended. I'm still on the border wall with.
Vow to transport migrants in the United States illegally
to the nation's capital as the immigration crisis
along the southern border grows worse and worse.
Ay, ay, ay, ay.
I am the Cristo Bambino.
I like Cristo. I like what they do. Anyways, so he's sending,
the bus arrived in Washington around 8 a.m., parking blocks away from the United States Capitol
in front of a building that houses the Fox
News.
That's kind of smart.
NBC News and C-SPAN.
The 24 migrants exited the bus one by one.
It looked like the Yankees getting off the bus in Detroit, except for, say, one by one,
except for family units that left together, according to Fox News, whose cameras captured
the arrival live. Where were the other cameras, the other networks? Oh, they don't want to Fox News, whose cameras captured the arrival live.
Where were the other cameras, the other networks? Oh, they don't want to cover it, huh? Yeah,
there you go. And you wonder why Fox, and you still compare Fox to fucking MSNBC.
Meanwhile, and I think this is an actual, Tucker Carlson is getting more Democrats now,
the most Democrat out of any cave.
That ought to scare the shit out of you people.
It's a good sign.
Officials cut off wristbands before the migrants were released like feral rats.
Oh my, see they don't have a right to be, let's take a look at it.
So if you're just joining us, we've been talking all week about how the governor of Texas
said I've got all these buses and we can't handle all these illegal immigrants, so we are going to offer
them free rides to D.C. if they want to get on one of these buses and join their family
or go into D.C. and not stay in Texas. This is the first bus that we have seen that is
rolling into Washington as we speak. We got word, this is a Fox News exclusive, our reporter
Bill Malugian has a source that is giving him this information.
And he's a great reporter and told us to have our cameras there. And we did.
So we're getting this exclusive video right now of these illegal immigrants that are now going to be living in the Washington, D.C. area.
We're going to be paying for it. And I'm sure Joe Biden hopes to become his voters.
I can't wait to one of them, unless AOC, She's coming out of a coffee shop at fucking 10 at night.
Somebody grabs her fun bags and carves a fucking MS-13 sign in.
I know they're not all like that.
Most of them are good people, but that's not the point.
They're not supposed to be here.
That's the point.
And the other point is your fucking president is doing this to our country.
Meanwhile, we fucking impeach Trump for making a perfectly good phone call or anything else.
You lied about fucking Russia.
You lied about Kavanaugh.
You fucking lied about Hillary.
Meanwhile, nobody impeaches this fuck.
That's why it's all a setup.
How is that even?
You ever think about that?
You ever think about that once, Mike?
I'm your kid brother.
You're my kid brother.
It's the way Pop wanted it, not the way I wanted it.
I'm smart.
Not like they say, dumb, I'm smart.
And I want respect.
Fredo, you're nothing to me now.
You're not a brother.
You're not a bus driver. You're not a brother. You're not a bus driver.
You're not a dentist.
You're not a gynecologist.
You're not a tree trimmer or a goldfish.
I want to know 24 hours in advance when you see Nick DiPaolo show.
To help local officials because communities are being overwhelmed,
that's what Greg Abbott said,
by hordes of illegal immigrants who are being dropped off
by the goddamn Biden administration.
Texas is providing charter buses for the illegal immigrants who have been dropped off to Washington, D.C., Abbott said,
in announcing the move last week.
And Joe Biden looked out the window and saw the buses.
What are we doing?
What's going on right now?
You don't know.
Fuck staying back to bed.
We are sending them to the United States Capitol, he says,
where the Biden administration will be able to more immediately,
he's saying tongue-in-cheek, address the needs of the people
that they are allowing to come across.
But you do realize, folks, you do realize you will be paying
for all the programs they're going to jump on.
Do you realize that's
one of the plans where Marxists or socialists to bring down a capitalist system? You overload the
safety net programs with people from other countries. George Soros wrote the book on it,
and then it collapses. You understand that, don't you? But here's my point about them voting
Democrat in the future. This place is going to be a third world shithole by the time they load all
these people in. It's going to be as bad as the place they came from. They'll be shooting each other.
We've already proved we can't get along, right? And they're going to go, what the fuck are
we doing here? And they'll vote Republican if the Republican Party still exists. It'll
probably be a one-party state. Anyways, the Republican governor added something. Anyways.
Don't you love this type of news?
The Texas Division of Emergency Management, known as DGGB,
is leading the effort to transport the migrants from federal custody to D.C.
Each bus will have the capacity and supplies to transport up to 40 immigrants.
Bye-bye.
Adios. Adios.
up to 40 immigrants.
Bye-bye.
Ha-ha.
Adios.
Now here's my take on it.
And it's not just mine.
Anybody I'm sure who's following me. It's a cute thing to do, right, Governor Abbott?
But he's also admitting, you know what I mean?
He's also admitting that, yeah, they can go live somewhere,
but they can live in this country.
You know what I mean?
Stop with the theater and fucking line your border with the National Guard and
tanks and flamethrowers. And like I said, I know it's a little antiquated, but landmines
work nice. We'll have a bunch of people who own lawn care companies with stumps.
Stumpy's Lawn Care is here.
SÃ, señor. It takes me a little longer now.
Exactly.
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What's up? What's next on the agenda? What a show today, kids, huh?
You know what I woke up to today, speaking of illegals? And I do like them. Look,
it is true. Most of them are here to make a living. And they keep using the same number,
11 to 15 million. They've been using that number for at least 10 years now.
Experts say 30 to 40 million. You're not going to recognize what Biden's doing is,
and it's going to get worse when they get rid of that Title 42.
They're expecting hundreds of thousands. It's, anyways, why did I bring that up?
I forget. I don't remember. Oh, I woke up today to jackhammering upstairs in
my house we do we have to you know bathroom was built in 1843 and so we're tearing it up making
a nice modern beautiful bathroom and it was a six inch I, did I mention this? A six-inch concrete floor, jackhammer. Guy yesterday's jackhammering, piece of
plaster falls because it was shaking the whole, cuts his head. I'll see you at
Farrah and Farrah. What's the one with the two names, same names? Yes, that's the one. No, there's another one.
There's only one.
Morgan and Morgan?
What is it?
Morgan and Morgan?
There's only one.
I told you it's my favorite one.
There's only one Morgan and Morgan.
The guy's lying right to your face.
That's a good lawyer.
Yeah, exactly.
I'll take him.
Anyhow, that's what I woke up to.
The hardworking people, most of them.
I'm just saying, you don't have a right to be here.
Just do it legally, okay?
I'm out of here in a few years anyway.
Major biting incident.
I wonder if it's Joy Behar going after a liver snap.
Secret service agents were outraged last year by the White House's attempt to get this.
They could fuck up a cup of coffee.
Downplay bite injuries caused by then first dog Major, remember the German champion,
even trying to get President Biden to personally pay for a damaged coat.
Newly released document show.
What are we doing?
What's going on right now?
I'm shitting on your bed, Joe.
Oh, Michelle Obama's back in a way.
Secret service leaders also sought to keep attack detail.
What is this, Doggate?
All the shit going on in the world.
The Secret Service sought to keep attack details out of official paperwork.
At one point, rejecting an agent's
excessively detailed account
to avoid
upsetting the First Family.
After Major, get this, bit agents
on eight consecutive days.
You know, again,
it's a repeat offender.
You know what I mean? He's got a record as long as his paw, and's a repeat offender.
You know what I mean?
He's going to wreck it as long as his paw, and you let him back in.
Eight days in a row he bit someone.
You don't think after day two you might want to put him down?
Look at him, though. I love German Shepherds.
I think they're this proud-looking.
That's a dog, man.
Maybe, you know, maybe the
Secret Service man, the dog was biting, probably
Jewish.
What? You know, Jeremy Shepard. Good night, everybody.
I'll be at the hack hub
on Sunday. The records
released in response to
a Freedom of Information Act, we call that
FOIA, a lawsuit
by Judicial Watch, that's Tom
Fitton's organization, show that attacks occurred
both earlier and later than previously known.
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, who I find somehow kind of attractive.
I don't know what my problem is.
I don't think it's her.
I think it's her cold fish attitude.
I just think, waspypie do anything in the sack.
Back to the show.
Senate Secretary Jen Psaki acknowledged just one biting incident,
and that was her biting Trump's assistant back in,
at a briefing on March 9th, 2021.
This is her lying because we know there were eight incidents,
and she's just bringing up this one.
Champion Major, the president and First Lady's dogs, members of the family, are still getting acclimated and accustomed to their new surroundings and new people.
And on Monday, the first family's younger dog, Major, was surprised by an unfamiliar person and reacted in a way that resulted in a minor injury to the
individual. The dog was reacting to an unfamiliar, it was probably Biden himself.
Hey, where the fuck you been? Napping? Go ahead. Individual, which was handled by the White House
Medical Unit with no further treatment needed. It had been previously planned already for the
dogs to be cared for by family friends in Delaware during Dr. Biden's travels to military bases this week.
She has a three day trip this week and the dogs will return to the White House soon.
You get that little red beaver right up there in front of you. I don't think it's crazy at all.
that's what i think is sexy about her she's a liar and does it so well calmly and uh liar liar whore liar whore you know why would that turn you on i don't know i like liars
i don't know the march 8th bite actually was the final attack in an eight-day streak. And the wounded agent, whose injuries were categorized as severe by a colleague, fumed
about Saki's spin.
No, it didn't surprise me.
The dog, he says, no, I didn't surprise the dog doing my job by being at redacted, as
the press secretary just said now.
He says, now I'm pissed.
The agent wrote to a co-worker.
Please give me. No!
I'm as mad as hell
and I'm not going to take this anymore!
I might start
doing that.
Yeah, just hitting random ones.
Nothing to do with the story.
Can you imagine though that you have to cover that
up?
A dog bites somebody eight days in a row?
Eight days a week.
Anyhow, that was terrific.
Finally tonight on... Blacks just don't listen.
Come on, guys.
I can't read this shit.
I just did. Fans love it, by the way. I can't read this shit. I just did.
Fans love it, by the way, because it's the fucking truth.
But I'll talk to you after the show.
Hundreds of protesters gathered outside a Michigan police station Wednesday after officials
released footage of a black man being shot in the back of the head in a struggle during
a traffic stop on April 4th.
Of course, the people come out and protest before they have any of the fucking facts.
We've gone through this again. I can't
take it anymore. I'm moving tonight
to Dublin, Ohio. I mean,
Ireland. What?
Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your
brains out. Patrick
Lawyer, 26, a
native of the Democratic Republic
of Congo. Welcome to America.
Was killed
by a white officer.
Boy, they throw the word white out there.
Meanwhile, Frank James, when he first pulled this shit, they said a five-foot-five guy,
heavyset male.
A couple of stories didn't mention the motherfucker's race.
That doesn't endanger the public, does it?
Can you fucking imagine?
Some did.
I think the post might have mentioned
some didn't that is inexcusable and you can't there's no way you can rationalize that anyways
this guy as soon as there's a cop the white cop white officer who had stopped him for driving a
car with a license plate that wasn't registered to the vehicle. So that's a good reason to get pissy with a cop.
The suspect got out of the car against the officer's commands.
He kept asking him to get out.
No, he got out first, I guess, and the cop was telling him to, you know.
And he tried to run away, the video show.
He then tried to grab the officer's stun gun in a struggle that
lasted about 90 seconds,
police said.
We have the...
I don't want to show the whole fucking two minutes
because he was disobeying the cop
for the first minute, you know.
And then he tried to take off
and here's how he ended up
tussling and
this is what happens, unfortunately.
No, no, no, stop, stop.
Stop.
There you go.
You just signed your death certificate.
Thank you, 15.
Pause.
Once again, once again, once the fucking game, you do what the cops say.
That's how it works here in America for you people who ancestors aren't from here.
It's a law and order country.
It's why everybody wants to fucking live here.
And some people apparently want to die here.
Listen to the fucking cop and all you young black guys will be alive today.
That riots have started over all of you listen to the fucking cop what do you what do you think you're gonna
get life for having a wrong plate on your car I mean nobody wants to see a kid this
age fucking die but it's almost like they have a death wish. I don't know.
Back to the video. Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop! Stop!
Stop!
Get your hands off the back!
Move!
Move the back!
You said he's the good one, man. Yo, what's up, man?
Hey!
Hey!
Stop!
Stop resisting!
Stop resisting! Stop resisting! Stop.
Stop resisting.
No, you're not resisting nothing, brother.
Pause.
Then the obligatory dumb friends doing the play-by-play. Come on, man.
He ain't doing nothing.
He's still fucking resisting.
You idiots. What are you fucking hallucinating? Go ahead.
That was the sound of a taser discharging.
Twice the taser.
Let go of the taser.
Trying to grab the taser. Let go of the taser! Trying to grab the taser. Remember what happened to the last guy that did that in Atlanta? Taser!
I see the fatal gunshot in ten seconds.
Drop taser!
Get back!
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. Taser!
Get back!
Yeah, see, because if he gets a hold of the taser,
he can tase the cop, grab his gun,
and shoot the fucking cop. That's why it's a battle,
a life-and-death struggle right there.
Remember the guy in Atlanta
in the parking lot of the fast food joint?
Ay, ay, ay.
Fucking, again, nobody wants to see this,
but don't blame the fucking cops.
It's like the rest of the country,
the young people want the cop to just fucking,
why are you hassling them?
What?
Here's what you do.
You shut your car off.
You put your hands where the cop can see them.
I still can't believe they handle, they pull cars over, like, you know, at night or whatever.
I still can't believe they do it the way they do
with all the cops that get killed and shit.
You'd think that was something they would change.
If you want to reimagine the cops,
they should be reimagining how they do their jobs, you know.
I say you friggin' get out of the car if you're the cop.
You know, you tell back, back up every time.
Wait till another cop car pulls in front so he's pinned in.
You know what I mean?
You don't, they still walk up to cars at night.
Wood tinted windows and it's fucking crazy.
It's only going to get worse with all the, you know,
all these beautiful people pouring over the border
with an eighth grade education and it'll be great.
Don't worry about it, Libs.
You'll keep winning.
It was a tragedy.
It was a progression of sadness for me, said Winstrom,
a former Chicago police commander who cited the need for transparency
in connection with the incident.
From my view of the video, Taser was deployed twice.
Taser did not make contact, Winstrom said, and Mr. Lawyer was shot in the
head. However, that's the only information that I have. For the second straight night,
chants of Black Lives Matter and No Justice, No Peace filled the streets of Grand Rapids
as protesters, I did comedy there, Prince died that morning. That's all I remember. Grand Rapids,
and that was the morning Prince died, rallied against the police department,
accusing it of deploying excessive force and racism
against the uncooperative suspect,
according to footage shared by WWMTV and those MMTV.
And these people ought to do...
You need to shut the fuck up.
Protests is his video, throwing shit at the cops.
Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag,
onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground.
You're the problem protesters, you ignorant motherfuckers.
Why don't you walk in a cop's shoes for a day?
You couldn't.
You wouldn't.
But you can hold your camera up like little bitches.
Love to judge people.
This country is mentally ill.
Literally. As a collective.
We need a shrink for a whole country.
I don't know. Alright,
that's it for the week, ladies
and gentlemen.
Good week. Had a good time.
Where am I?
End of May, I gotta go up to Levittown, New York.
I know that. Governors,
my old haunt. And then the next night I do some, was it Chester, New York? I don't know. You'll
see the dates. But you know, I got a couple of weeks off before I get on a plane again.
And they extended the mask for a couple more weeks on planes. And there's no evidence,
no science backing that up whatsoever. They're just reminding you little fucks that we own you, okay?
Do what we say.
That's all this is about.
Don't let anybody kid you.
Before I go, I want to thank you guys, the contributors.
One-time contributions, Lance Larrabee.
That looks like a new one.
My buddy, Paul Sagnella, I finally got to meet. Franz Grissom, Robert Deloach. Hey,
Deloach is a big deal down here. Politician. This highway's an afterglow. Daniel Thornhill,
James Rickleman, Dave Mason, James Young, Kit Fortney, my favorite name,
Melody Watt, Mark Hamblin, Danny Dreigolch,
RIP Gilbert Godfrey, amen, Sean Powell,
Albert Wodgcock, Chuck, could have Chuck, Chuck Wood,
Timothy E. Perro, Brian Boyd, Andrew Keegan,
here we go, Kimmy Goditis, new one. Aaron Collins,
bunch of new ones. John Melton. We'll get out of the sun. Matthew Asano, Brandon Sparks,
Kelly Hubbard, Russell Hartman, Robert Curley and his wife, God bless you. Marty Schwartz, Spencer Hodgson, and new monthly subscribers, Chris James, Richard Dominick,
Robin Owens-Pittman.
These are some new names.
Good.
Daniel Thornhill, Tyrone O'Reilly, Bill Camacho.
Thank all of you very much.
We can't do it without you.
That's it.
Don't forget to sign up monthly. Thecomicsgym.com,
patreon.com,
nickdip.com.
This is the most honest show on the internet.
There might be giant ones.
You're not going to find it like this
and entertaining at the same time.
Spread the goddamn word.
Look at me.
I'm wearing a t-shirt I had in fifth grade. Don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast your friends or relative or say happy
birthday to mom, go to cameo.com. Click on my profile. Tell me about the person. I'll make a
video on my phone. We'll send it to them and laugh together. That's it. You guys think and I'll say
very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time on Monday. Have a great weekend. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, guitar solo Outro Music Thank you.