The Nick DiPaolo Show - Poor Portal Choices | Nick Di Paolo Show #1571

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the NYC/Dublin Portal and Episode 10 of Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen: Shepards Pie!   Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Hey everybody, how you is? You're being very negative, Mr. DiPaolo. No shit, it's my nature. Welcome on a Wednesday. Great show today. Another edition of Bitchin' Kitchen. That's right. Shepherd's Pie.

I think this is my favorite one that we've done. We'll get to that, you know, in a few minutes. But as I know you rely on me from the news. We'll open with a light one before we get into the meal, which is, it literally is a meat and potatoes thing. Underrated dish, I think. I can't wait to try it with motor oil, Pennzoil instead of beer.

Let's see, this is funny. Dallas found this one. Flash in the pan. An OnlyFans model. And again, I'm thinking about Star Trek. Jesus Christ. My family is yapping. My nephew is over in Italy and he's sending pictures and stuff. But this has been going on since nine o'clock this morning. The fucking, Jesus. Guys. I want to, and then they'll go, he's not. My mother will go, why don't you participate?

You don't like the family? I go, you don't like me. What the fuck are you talking about? I left their conversation, because they talk about golf all the time. Like two weeks ago, I left the conversation. And somebody has to let you back in. I don't even know how to do that. So they think I'm ignoring them, and I'm not. My buddy, my buddy, my nephew Anthony's over there, 21, 22 years old, traveling

Italy by himself, like he's going to Denver. I don't have that in me. All right, let's get to it. Flash in the pan. An OnlyFans model, I'm going to stop my OnlyFans thing. I'm going to tell jokes in my underwear. I got to get ripped first or cancer. my OnlyFans thing. I'm going to tell jokes in my underwear. I've got to get ripped first. Or cancer. And OnlyFans model flashed the New York to Dublin portal Sunday. They have the thing. It's a portal. Where is it?

Times Square? It's in Flatiron District. Flatiron District. Okay. Which is nice now. It's a portal. You literally look into it and you can see people looking back and you're from Ireland. New York to Dublin portal. Think about that, though. That's fucking pretty cool. Until humans use it. Sunday has organized rush to make fixes to the 24 slash 7 live

stream that has been marred by lewd behavior since it opened last week. You see? Do you see why like comedians that do sex and dick jokes become huge? It's all with such — Bill Hicks has a great thing about our puritanical background and we still giggle at dick jokes. You know, Europe sex is nothing. It's like taking a — I don't want that either. I don't want my wife out there fucking everybody and going,

eh, come on, it's just sex. How about the straight right hand? It's just boxing. Yeah, it's just a hand. Just a fist and it ain't going up your ass. Ave Louise. Ave Maria. Who has more than 400,000 followers, which means,

look what, ladies, I don't ever want to hear again. Even if you're above a five, I don't want to hear whining from you ever again. You're born with a ticket. 400,000 followers on Instagram, claimed in a post Sunday, she forced organizers to pull the plug. How did she do that when she was the cause? To pull the plug on the portal after she flashed her breath from the American side to her counterparts in Ireland. I thought the people of Dublin deserved to see two New York homegrown potatoes. Now I like her. Boy, those are potatoes. Those are potatoes.

I'll take mine baked, stuffed, boiled, fucking hash browns, French fries. Can you imagine? You're just born with that. It's like you're born with a winning lottery ticket on your face. She said in the video that she posted that shows her, I like her attitude, her raising her tank top in front of the portal. Well, why don't they show us that? Yeah, that's, I know. Do I not know what I'm doing? It's the internet. I can watch beheadings. I can't see titties. It's very unfortunate that the people are not acting in the best way, a staff member said. Well, what did you think? When you open

something to the general public, only this case meaning the world, well, two countries, I should say, the population of two countries, anybody, zillions, what do you think? What do you think? You think they're going to exchange homework? Going to help me with my algebra? The street exhibit in the Flatiron District has attracted a certain amount of chaos since it's... Boy. I thought the homeless guys would get to it first. Amount of chaos since inception last Wednesday, with troublemakers in Ireland to blame for most of the shocking...

You mean what they like to drink? Yeah. Including flashing swastikas. Again, they're just playing. to blame for most of the shocking content. You mean what they like to drink? Including flashing swastikas. Again, they're just playing. That's what Jews need to see walking by today. And even a photo of the Twin Towers in flames on September 11th. You smug cocksucker. Fuck you.

I'm right on today, aren't I? The group behind the project touted it as a bridge to United Planet. Yeah. And this should be, again, anybody, you lefties who have that utopian wet dream that no borders, we're all going to hold hands. Okay. This thing's been up for fucking 10 minutes. And it's given you the answer about your plan. It ain't ever going to happen.

and it's given you the answer about your plan. It ain't ever going to happen. The founding fathers were brilliant in that they said, you know, were they in on the, were they, I really don't, and I should know the answer, they came up with the concept of America. Did they talk about immigrants from all over the world, or did that come later? That's later, right?

Yeah, because they were smart enough to know the human condition is flawed. But they didn't even know that either because it's so flawed, they thought that their system would work. It would with people who had morals and ethics in mind. They didn't know that was going to be a sewer. The group behind the project touted as bridge to a united planet that allows passerbys to see each other on eight foot by eight foot video screen,

but not hear each other. Now that I like. All they had to do is make that portal, right, and put it inside a brothel in Amsterdam. Like we don't have enough filth. Anyways, folks, today on Bitchin' Kitchen, again, one of the best ones we did. Me and Dallas ripped through this. It just flowed beautifully. I even, I didn't use the recipe I'm used to, like I did with the remember I mixed it up with that cake? I might put it in a different order.

Anyways, this came out great. Dallas Hattie brought home some for Gianna. And I know you guys, meat and potato guys, a lot of you are going to fucking love it. It's a comfort food, really. So here, without further ado, is another episode of Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Welcome, another episode of Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Today, we'll go back into male food.

I felt a little emasculated making a cake. We did last time, but it was a banana cake, so let's be honest. Gay guys loved it um shepherd's pie Dallas you probably know English right I always want to say Irish it's English you guys know it's a real meat and potatoes literally you can use ground beef I'm using ground lamb today because the wife hates it I'll probably give this to Dallas to take home anyways so I took ground lamb and I'm not doing the recipe that I've made five times once again I'm gonna do a little experimentation while the cameras running we can always burn it but yeah I'm gonna we're gonna I get

some beer that's gonna go in it and I'm using like I said ground lamb and you know what it is folks it's basically a casserole of mashed potatoes on top you know so it's very old English all right let's hear I have about two two and a half pounds russet potatoes already Yeah. Somebody bust on you, you know they're nasty, I mean they're not supposed to be. Oh I know. Oh but that was Archie Bunker. Hey, the toilet's broken. Hey, I'm burling the potatoes over there.

Ow, mother fucker. That goes good. No, absolutely not. I'm sure you guys know how to do this. Dallas did it in the military four years, he said. He was so good at it. With logs. With logs? I don't know what that means. Sounds kind of good. Listen. Put it back there. You put the potatoes back into the hot pan, you know what happens? See all that? That's releasing all that moisture, so you want to have watery potatoes little tip for you the

guy says to put the lid on it too but I'm like why they don't keep them eventually I'm gonna take care let's start that stays there for a while there'll be the topping here we go the fun part two pounds ground lamb get it anywhere any supermarket and again I'm not using the recipe that I used to do Rachel Ray because I just looked around I said I want some beer on this I know Dallas has a problem now I'll call so do I it's what we do you will too once you see this recipe, you're like,

we didn't trust you with the cake, asshole. I don't know, two, three. That's about three for me. Three tablespoons of butter. I'm going to brown the vegetables in this. I'm using this. I could have used the cast iron skillet, like the old school.

Sometimes they make it right in the skillet and put the potatoes right on top of the skillet, but what am I doing? Fucking beer book contestant, get out of here. Good movie. Well, she's a chef, but I know. That's why she got the name for her restaurant, I guess. Who was in that? It was Sophia Loren and Ryan Reynolds.

If you've seen it, she was 110, he was 11. Okay? All right. Where's the Earl? See, I get Advil PM, man. I get Advil. And the R's come out. Yeah, I know.

I might use a little oil in this room, too. I'm just going to brown the vegetables in it, but then eventually the meat goes in it, and you'll see. I like to mix this. It lowers the burning point of butter. Just a little. Butter, baby. Oh, but wait.

Second half of the show. What will I be doing? I'll tell you what I'll be doing. I'll be finishing this dish. You're not going to want to miss it because we had a small fire. No. In the kitchen. So obviously second half of the show you'll see me finish this dish.

And you're going to love it, so stay tuned. In honor of National Military Appreciation Month, Mug Club recognizes the courage and patriotism of those who have served or are currently serving in our armed forces and would like to do something to thank them. For the entire month of May, Mug Club will be donating 10% of all new subscriptions to military charities. Along with that 10% donation to military charities, Mug Club is also offering $10 off for all new subscribers throughout the whole month of May. So not only will you be supporting our incredible service members and veterans, but you'll also get exclusive access to my show, Louder with Crowder, The Alex Jones Show, Mug Club Undercover, The Hodge Twins Uncensored, Mr. Guns and Gants, and Brian Callen Show, all at a big

discount. If you'd like to support military and the Mug Club Network, sign up today with promo code MILITARY. Go to mugclub.rumble.com, and don't forget to enter promo code MILITARY. Now back to Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nicktip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store.

Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. I guess. Chopped carrots, one. I used one and a half. Dice them real fine.

That way they can cook. You don't have to blanch them for us. They'll get soft eventually. Whole onion, you know, a whole small one or half a big one. Yellow onion. I love that sound. That and a Cub Scout squailing in a men's room. What?

And cut. Delicious. Delicious. What's with the pedophile jokes? I don't know. They're just the scouts now. They're no longer boy scouts. Yeah, scouting America, which is what China and Russia's been doing the last fucking five years. Well, we're obsessing over what to call the boy scout.

Asia. Right? Yep. Look at that. We got some commentary into the cooking show. You're gonna, uh, you know, this is gonna be seven, eight minutes until you get some color on the moving and hang up in here. A little saltarini. What's this? Time. Four.

What am I doing? What? I'm French. Remember that? Good fellas. Good. Henry's girlfriend. Sniffs the perfume.

Debbie Mazur. Mmm, French. That was a big thing back in the 60s. Like I said, cast iron skillet. I like this thing, I don't know why. Nothing sticks, a lot of surface area to play with. So I'm gonna do this, we'll come back to you when these are brown and I'll show you what's next. Okay, that's been about seven minutes.

You put these aside. Get some nice grease in there still, right? I might hit it with a little more. This recipe, this one here calls for butter. It doesn't matter, folks. You just need fat. You know that, right? Easy on the heat, Frank. All all right this is two pounds exactly ground

ground land my wife hates it she just smells of cooking she's not gagging she was molested by a shepherd what a cooking show you can say that oh my god would be rich imagine fucking guy theory I couldn't carry my notebook I'm putting it all in they say well maybe not I'm not gonna dirty another ditch yeah brown it in batches you know that right because if you overload it it does kind of I don't have time for a lot of good shit on tonight they're doing a 90210 put most of it in here fuck Fuck them in the, whoa! Whoa, that's my way.

Now if this was my kitchen, I would be there a year from now. That's my fraternity. You might wanna do this in batches, you know, because again, you create a lot of steam here, but we're crunch retards. Dallas has tap glass, I got piano. Sometimes together.

There we go. You wanna season it too, right? While you're cooking it right now. Here's my, I use this all-purpose, a dough, but you got it now. It's got everything in it that you gotta put in it anyway, so. Never fails me.

Don't be afraid either. As Ralph Cifaretto said to the jockey that was riding the horse he bet on don't be shy with a whippy the amidget black pepper even throw garlic in there the last stage one the last stage if you want. Doesn't that smell a lot? Dallas is an Afghanistan. Ate a lot of lamb, he said. And two young boys. That's how it is over there.

Delicious. Thank you. How do you say thank you in Afghani? In Pashtun. What is it? Pashtun is the language. Thank you is... I forgot. I had to ask. What is it? Pustule? Oh. I know, I know. You, I love you long time, Joel.

Well, usually it's a trigger finger, but you know. That's my boy. So I'm going to brown this, folks. Again, you guys can use beef. Browned beef if you want. Most people do, probably. I want it to brown this, folks. Again, you guys can use beef. Brown beef if you want. Most people don't probably.

I want it to go a little authentic. Probably 10 minutes here. You can dump some of the grease out. Especially lamb. A lot of grease here. You know. You might want to. You don't have to, but.

You're not watery. You might want to, you don't have to, but. It's not watery. But it's just true, it's a tad healthier. All right. I'm actually gonna pour most of this out. I don't wanna lose all of it, you know what? Where's the fucking lid to this thing? Folks, here we go. I'm gonna drain a little of it out.

But leave, you know, leave some. It's a lot because it's lamb. Lamb is pretty fatty. Perfect. I think I'm on today. I can feel it. Alright. Vegetables.

Back in. vegetables back in vegetables back in now you don't have to do this but I see chefs doing it all the time tomato paste just a tablespoon will do you it gives it depth a little bit of depth there's some there's some shepherd right guy actually use tomato sauce I'm not not you I it's strange too far from the melody. It's a little watery now. That's right. But this will make a difference, you know. Cook that for a minute, the tomato paste. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club,

stick around for the rest of Bitchin' Kitchen. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show and also Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot of more. Now back to my delicious, delicious, I'm drunk. I use beer to cook too much. Back to the shepherd pie recipe.

Hi, good, everybody. And I'm not gonna take it all life down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get in trouble like everybody else

Cause I'm not like everybody else What are you? I'm not like everybody else Baby