The Nick DiPaolo Show - Preparations for Reparations | Nick Di Paolo Show #499

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

Biden administration suggests bypassing Congress in reparation plan. Boston pavement KOs Mitt Romney. Gay throuple sets unusual custody precedent.

🎵 Hello, everybody. Hi. It's your favorite domestic terrorist, Nick DiPaolo here. I think you really did a shit job on january 6th you did about 11 dollars worth of damage and i'd like to see it um done better the next time we get together know what i'm saying all us 75 yeah we're all domestic terrorists but only 199 out of 70 75 million showed up and they thought that was an insurrection wait to the people who really hate the government get involved ouch ouch people gonna get hurt oh look i get nancy pelosi's name played oh you're a terrorist

they don't have fences up along the fucking California-Mexican border, but no, they'll put them around the fucking White House. They're more afraid of us. Can you imagine? What an insult. Just that alone they should be taken out and fucking lit on fire. Who's they? Well, you know, the people that don't like me.

But there's not enough kindling in the world. Take that, guy who doesn't like that. Let's get right to a dummy, a guy who I used to respect. When he ran for president, I thought he'd make a good president. And then a guy named Donald Trump showed up and made this guy. That's what he did. He exposed all these people, these rhinos. And Mitt Romney is a decent guy. I still say it. He looks a little wacky now, though.

He's starting to take on that grandpa from the Munsters kind of fuck. He's a waspy Pauly Walnuts. Up and up the tea. This fucking Trump guy's a lying cocksucker. I'm I'm leaving 38 dimes on the table, no? What do you want me to do, T? Anything you want. Well, anyways, Mitt Romney, this is kind of good news. He was knocked unconscious this weekend when he fell in Boston over the weekend.

Leaving him with a lot of stitches and a black eye. You got knocked the fuck out man yeah i took a fall he said as he got up from his chairlift i i took a fall knocked me unconscious but i'm doing better yeah we'll decide that later on yeah maybe, maybe it knocked some sense into you. Maybe you'll start voting, start thinking the way Trump did. I'm doing better, Rami told reporters. I'm still a two-faced cocksucker. So I know I'm back to normal.

Anyways, that happened over the weekend. He was playing with his kids, his grandkids. He's, you know, he's a good family guy. I saw a documentary about him. But, uh, but... Uh, anyways, but. Quiet. Quiet like a bitch. Uh, anyways, the Utah Republican said he was visiting his grandchildren when he got injured. He said, yeah, one of those little cocksuckers is apparently a hardcore lefty.

And I was watching Fox News and that kid sucked at me with his Fisher Price phone. I'll deal with him later. With noticeable bruising under his right eye, Romney infused some humor into the situation. They asked him what happened to it, why he had a black eye. He said, I went to CPAC. That was a problem, which is actually a good goddamn joke for him. That's not bad. Referring to the conservative political action conference uh that that was uh this past weekend Romney was not invited to the marquee event after receiving

backlash over his vote to impeach ex-president Donald Trump so they wouldn't let him in blossom for you I love it stay the. Asked how many stitches he received. Romney claimed he was not sure. Can you count, Romney? A lot of stitches, he said. Well, thanks for not committing to a specific answer. I don't know how many. I asked the doctor how many stitches, and she said, well, let's put it this way. Your fucking forehead and lips are going to look like a Raggedy Andy doll.

Anyways, she said, I don't know. I like that the doctor doesn't know. But he said, they're all through my eyebrow and my lip. Look at him. He looks crazy there, doesn't he? I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior.

And I don't like you, jerk-off. He fall down, go boom, boom. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Tell me Trump didn't laugh his balls off when he read that one. Trump must have been. They probably heard they thought Trump was choking to death and down at Mar-a-Lago they open his bedroom he's on the belly laughing in his underwear uh anyways speaking of uh elections and fraud and rhinos and my girl Sidney Powell is still

out there making the case and um I think she realizes now um that everybody is in on the fraud when i say everybody that's what's creepy all the judges somebody gave them the message you are not to fucking you are not to listen to this woman because the evidence is overwhelming it was stolen and i hope somebody's watching right now that disagree with that because you just a fucking let me just say it i don't want to be offensive a retarded twat so sydney powell was out there uh talking about the election on the uh the erskine show and um you know they were talking about uh clarence thomas had a quote about the election and and shit but she's still out there plugging and even though and you people when you're watching tv and

they're going and they do it this is how you know they're lying after every article about the election they emphasize false claims by trump he's in disney but uh totally right they're gonna keep doing that that's what they do they lie and they lie until it becomes the truth because they control the media and the echo chamber. And eventually people will believe it. But that thing, we have video evidence of vans pulling up. It's six in the morning. Fucking blocking windows with cardboard at the polling stations.

So anyway, Sidney Powell's out there. She was on the Erskine Show. Are you interested in the real story? Yes, I am. I would like to hear it. She says there's all kind of precedent for fixing what happened in this election from Bush versus Gore to other cases as well.

Fractionalized votes, that's exactly what we have here from a computer algorithm that we can prove in multiple counties and it could prove across the country if anybody would uh issue an order allowing inspection of the machines the people the judges they're all fucking they're all on the take you fucking people you have no idea how to defend a nation. The very fact that Dominion and other companies are not allowing inspection of the voting machines ought to tell everybody all they

need to know. Federal laws call for election records to be kept for 22 months. In this case, it requires forensic evaluations of the machines and looking at all the paper ballots, we already know that's not going to match up to what they're saying. There were counterfeit ballots. People were saying, oh, well, they did a full audit in Georgia. And then Sidney Powell says, well, if you just keep running the same counterfeit bill through the same counting machine, you're going to get the same result, is what they did in Georgia. Matter of fact, Georgia is trying to change the voting laws right now.

And the Dems are fucking out of their minds. And then she dropped this bombshell. We have audio of her. Erskine is talking about a quote from Clarence Thomas. And here you go. Absolutely. Clarence Thomas said this is not a prescription for confidence. He added changing the rules in the middle of the game is bad enough.

The decision that rewrites the rules seemed to affect too few ballots to change the outcome of the federal election, but that may not be the case in the future. These cases provide us an ideal opportunity to ask for authority. Non-legislative officials have to set election rules. Now, that was a very good, very cogent statement. Why are the others not figuring along with that? Because basically, the election is to be done by the state legislature, not by the courts and not by some voting official. Well, actually, Erskine, I thought that statement was weak.

Well, actually, Erskine, I thought that statement was weak. There is enough evidence in the cases before them or enough evidence in the public now to more than reverse the election in at least five states. One state, I can't remember which one right now, already took 177,000 people off the voter rolls that shouldn't have been there when the margin of biden victory in that state was less than that wow can you fucking imagine i despise it with every fiber of my being this is post-election they took 177 000 names off that because they didn't even vote and that the margin was less than that that biden won but can you fucking let that wrap around your skull for a few minutes and then dominion saying no you can't look at our stuff well what are you hiding what are you hiding it's all going to come out eventually but it's too late and nobody's going

to give a fuck but what annoys me is this every time you hear or read about it it always is like unfounded baseless do you really think shithead i've shown three clips of him this week drooling not knowing where he is do you really think he look at uh is this my ass my elbow what am i touching is this my kneecap my grunt my you really think this guy got the most votes in the history of you please please folks please don't ever sell my intelligence

a lot of years I've come from far away Chatham County Coffee County. I lost my boy. Anyways. Top Biden advisor. Let's get to the next story. Boy, are they destroying the country every day.

And I think they're itching for a civil war. And this is the litmus test, this story right here. I dare you. I'm looking you in the eye, fucking Mr. Richmond, whoever the fuck you are, another whitey hater who works for Joe Biden. I dare you and your colleagues to try to pass reparations. I fucking dare you. Then there'll be no talk of civil war. This is why I believe whoever wants to divide us. Oh my God. Top Biden advisor, Richmond. Does he have a first or last name? Oh, there he is. You can just tell he don't like whitey.

Anyways, he's got a pin on that. It says all white people should die. Can you see it? Top Biden advisor, Richmond suggests White House will move on reparations without Congress. Oh, do you think that? White House senior advisor. Oh, it's Cedric Richmond says it's doable. So's your mother. What? Kill a

gun, little buddy. Says it's doable for the Biden administration to make first term progress on racial equality while Congress studies reparations for what else? Slavery. I think we found the clip of the show. Shut it. They want to. Hey, listen to listen to me when I talk to you.

Listen, this is a quote from Cedric Richmond. Whitey hater. We have to stop breaking down systemic racism. The reason we keep trying to do it and we're failing because it doesn't exist. We've been trying to break it down for racism. The reason we keep trying to do it and we're failing because it doesn't exist. We've been trying to break it down for years. And let me repeat for you people who don't follow politics, why they yell systemic or institutional racism. It relieves them of the obligation of having to prove this individual cases of racism. Just go the whole place is racist. They don't have to, you understand what I'm saying? System systemic racism and barriers that have held people of color back and especially african americans

oh boy you will it ever end richmond said in an axios interview aired sunday oh it's on hbo by the way hbo just wanted me to audition for something. And I said, tell them to suck on my left nut till it turns red. Something to do with the, you know, about the plumbers and Nixon and Watergate. I'm going to fucking HBO participate in your propaganda. Your sister's boxhole. Richmond's remarks come after President Biden voiced support to the House's attempt to create a commission on reparations. Look, and even Biden can't believe it. Aye, aye, aye. The commission would recommend ways to educate Americans.

Oh, here comes the re-education. Because the kids right now, your nieces and nephews and my nieces, they haven't got enough of this shit in school, right? They're always trying. Ways to educate Americans on slavery and suggest remedies, including. I got a remedy. Let's stop talking about it. It was a long time ago. There's not even anybody left on the planet who's fucking that it's alive. Whose grandparents were in a great grandparents. Right. That's a fact.

You look it up, including including financial pay payments from the government to compensate descendants of slavery. Well, I think I did the math, didn't I? On the show before they said we all like they put a number on it. I don't know, 400 trillion. And then I went, OK. What are those things you call the club on the sterile? Minus those, minus bike locks, minus court costs, prison incarceration. You owe us $1,150. Take it easy. Just joking. For the government to compensate descendants of slaves.

Do you understand? So that means Tiger Woods is going to get a cut and Steve Harvey and Chris Rock and any black person in show business who makes 60 trillion um all the athletes and uh all the doctors and lawyers uh who doing well better than white people they get a cut too and then how do you decide who the fuck is the descendant of what are you doing 23 and me though Richmond thinks the commission will pass reparations related legislation. Does he really think that? Who gives a fuck what you think? He wants Biden to start acting now, citing an executive order. Oh yeah, let's take the issue of reparations and use an executive order. That won't start a fucking house fire.

Citing an executive order the president released January 26th that focuses on, includes prison and housing reform. So he wants to fucking tack this on. Nice try. The president is committed to working with Congress to pass bold legislation that advances racial equity. And there's the new word, kids. The new word for 2020 is equity. No longer equality. Equity is actually the outcome. They want the outcome to be equal. That's all it is, folks.

Socialism, communism, whatever you want. They want us all to be making $11 an hour dressing in the same drab clothes. I mean, there's so much... Equity, racial equity. There's no such thing. Including increasing funding for small businesses, investing in historically black colleges.

Let me ask you a question. That doesn't go on right now? How much money did Trump throw at historically black colleges? A ton. And universities and other minorities, other minority- minority serving institutions, says a press release for the order. Representative Sheila Whitey Jackson. I mean, I hate Whitey Jack.

There she is. As racist as the day is long. It's a hell of a head of hair you got there. You're 106 and it's pitch black. Nice jacket. How things are the the woman's shelter i hope that mic goes right in her left eye rep sheila jackson introduced a bill last year to create a commission to study how much he hates white people a commission to study reparations you fuck what a con game richmond argued in his interview the administration would act on these issues even without the commission go ahead try it dinky we don't want to wait on a study he says like a three-year-old child wanting a cookie we're gonna start acting right now he says that's him in traffic trying to pick up his check above the liquor store. Have another cup of coffee.

I'm like a two-year-old that just ate like fucking two bags of M&M's. Running around my house knocking shit over. Take a breath, Nick. I can't. I'm going to tell you something. Fuck the fucker reparation brothers. What is the eyes of Texas? Well, it was a girl that I parked in Houston

when I was a young comic and she was blind. What? What is the eyes of Texas? Alumni donors, get this, threaten to pull donations if the University of Texas drops racist song. This is a left wing publication. So they labeled it a racist song. But let me repeat that. They're not going to hold withhold. You guys, I have to repeat this because you might have heard it wrong. They're not going to withhold donations, the alumni, because they think the song is racist. they're not going to withhold donations the alumni because they think the song is racist it's the other way around they're saying all these people are calling it racist but it's not

and if you pull it i love it this is like the first story where somebody hits back with money kind of isn't it so in other words therefore keeping the song the rich alumni who donate the controversial the eyes of of Texas, wait till I read the history of it to you. Controversial, my left stem. The controversial The Eyes of Texas song is again facing scrutiny as the latest report on March 1, 221, why didn't you say yesterday, you whore, suggests that University of Texas alumni and donors threatened to stop making donations in support of the university financially. The report further indicates that the obtained documents demand that the university president,

Jay Hartzell, take a stronger stance supporting the Eyes of Texas song, originally composed by Pat Boone and a couple other white guys. The Eyes of Tatooine, originally composed in 1903. And we're still fucking fighting about it. You'll hear the history of this song, you're going to laugh. In the recently held football game between the Texas Longhorns and Oklahoma, the host lost for the third time in a row. After the game, Texas quarterback Sam Ellinger stood alone on the field for the playing of the eyes of Texas.

The rest of the team quickly retreated from the field. Oh, a lot of balls. Which has now angered the alumni and donors. The emails obtained by the Texas Tribune show how hundreds of university alumni and donors have come together to show their disdain over the fact that Elginger was left alone on, you're going to see him in the NFL, by the way, on the ground. The alumni demanded that the school stand up to cancel culture

and firmly get behind the song. I'm surprised that he didn't fucking get booted for it. That's where we are in the world today, I swear to God. The email reads, the critical race theory garbage, God bless these people, that has been embraced by the football program and the university is doing massive irreparable damage

to our glorious institution and to the country, and it has to stop you can't argue you are correct sir this shit is corrosive and here's what i'm disappointed i was thinking about this was uh while i was laying uh in bed counting sheep and bikinis jumping over a fence um i don't see enough young black kids on these campuses sticking up for their white. Oh, that's right. You hate us. You were taught to hate us. What was I thinking? I don't see enough young black people standing up going, this is ridiculous. This is just racism. It was wrong when it happened to our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents.

And it's fucking wrong. I don't see enough of you doing that. You're all playing. Do you hate your fucking white friends that much? My wife and I have given an endowment in it. Not my wife and I, this is a guy who graduated from Texas. I haven't, I've sent $11 to University of Maine. Let's, let's be honest, folks. I went up there for a business degree. Look at me telling dick jokes in a fucking basement. Uh, given an endowment in excess of $1 million to athletics, this guy and his wife, this could very easily be rescinded if things don't drastically change around here, wrote another donor in October of 2020,

which is great. But they're saying, people are saying this song is racist, but it's such horse, I'm going to give you the history. Are you interested in the real story? Well, yes, I am. The Eyes of Texas is the famous school song of the University of Texas at Austin.

It is believed that the song's original lyricist, John Sinclair, took the tune of The Eyes of Texas from the original folk song, I've Been Working on the Railroad, a huge hit in 19... I think, who did a cover on that? Jay Giles? Sinclair wrote the lyrics as per the request of Louis Johnson, who was the program director of the Varsity Minstrel Show that raised funds for the university track team in 1903. I don't even know what color the guy is who was the president of the minstrel. Do we even know if he's black or white? Not that it matters.

The Eyes of Texas lyrics are said to be intended to make fun of university president william lambden prather confederate army commander robert e lee would frequently say this is a quote from robert e lee the eyes of the south are upon you prather was known for including similar warnings in his speech is like saying again he was the president of the university at the time, the eyes of Texas are upon you. What she meant was they were going to keep an eye on you students and expect you to do big things when you graduated.

Wow, such racist talk. Lyrics of the song go like this. Black people, get out of my fucking way and don't touch my car. What? That is racist. Let me change the whole, no. Lyrics of the song. The eyes of Texas are upon you all the live long day. Oh, boy. See, never be a Clapton tune. It's definitely a white guy that wrote the eyes of Texas are upon you. You cannot get away. Do not think you can escape them at night or early in the morn. The eyes of Texas are upon you till Gabriel

blows his horn. Now, Gabriel, apparently he's a Latino kid. He's got a Chevy and he's always picking Maria up. It's five in the morning and lean on that mother. Colin Quinn told me Gabriel was a angel. And my dad's middle name is Gabriel. That was no fucking angel. But even though the song is meant to be a fun song, it's created several controversies because we live in a faggy sensitive cock sucking time several controversies in the last couple of years in june of 2020 several players on the university of texas at austin football team requested that the university should replace the song uh with one without racist undertones i wonder what color they were. And I think the guy who was in charge of the band said, Fuck you!

Fuck you! That was in late October. The University of Texas at Austin band decided it would no longer play the song. Oh boy, I bet you the world collapsed in Texas. Not the worst in a marching band not doing their best. The athletic department stated that it would play a recorded version of the song. How was that any

fucking time? That's faggot stuff. You want to call it by its name? That's strictly for fags. That's right. That's how I feel about studio music. In July, Longhorns player Marquez Bimage seen here

dragging two dead bodies. What? They were stacked on a tackling sled. Marquez Bimage, a hell of a ball player by the way, issued a letter to the school on behalf of the University of Texas student-athletes body urging the song's replacement. And they said, what do you want to replace it with? And he said, Prince's Nikki. What? In the letter, he also demanded the removal of several on-campus nods to Confederate leaders. Wow, this guy thinks he's important. Who the fuck are you?

Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? Mind your business. Drag your sled. Many students had spent months protesting and petitioning the school to get rid of the song, which they deem racist. There were even talks that the school would drop playing the song, but several notable regular donors have demanded the school keep playing it. The obtained emails show that 75 people explicitly threatened to stop supporting the school financially. That's a lot of people when they're donating big bucks.

I love it. Somebody's pushing back. Stop listening to the inmates. You see what happens? The fucking communists who are their professors brainwash these kids, and then the kids just say, fuck you. But the reason they have beautiful equipment, like the one he was pulling in gyms and shit. Shut that off.

You look like you're going to look like a community college in two years. In our Are You Dog Styling Me? A segment tonight. Headline, Gay Polly Thrupple makes history. Lists three dads on birth certificate. Isn't that terrific? Two men and a maybe, I call it. Look at the baby. He's already ashamed. Let me close my eyes. Pretend I'm sleeping. They're all looking at him. Look at the baby's mouth. I'm sorry. I'm trying to be tolerant

well how does it affect you it does in many ways i'll dream about them tonight what they look like in speedos a gay uh polymerous why can i not say that word polyamorous uh california throuple oh that's why i got throupled huh made history in 2017 when they became the first family in the state to list three parents on a birth certificate look they don't even say three male parents three parents on a birth certificate so we should break out the what the noisemakers and shit? Is that a big thing? I suck cock, and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, said the three dads. Their reproductive journey and legal battle to become the fathers to Piper. Oh, boy.

I don't like that name. Now Three is detailed in Three Dads and a Baby. Oh, that's very original. Naming it after a movie that tanked in a week with Billy Crystal and a bunch of other jerk offs. No, Tom Selleck and Steve Guttenberg. Out March 9th, in case you guys want to circle that, my fans. Written by one of one of the girl's dads. That's a little girl, by the way. I feel a little better. She's safe. Dr. Ian Jenkins. Jenkins and his partners, Jeremy Hodges and Dr. Alan Mayfield, don't see their family, which now also includes their son, Parker, one, as unusual.

You don't see it as unusual? Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Will you shut up? See how they're trying to mainstream this shit? So what? Let me ask you, fellas.

Have you ever heard of the nuclear? See, this is classic. Classic. You know what they're going to do? I guarantee there'll be a sitcom in a week based on these guys. You don't see it as unusual, no? You don't, huh? You don't see it as unusual that the three guys that you could fuck each other all day

the next 10 years and not have a baby and now there's a little girl growing up with three gay men to... No? Everything? No, there's a ton of them.

Let me tell you something, you idiots. That arrangement as far as a family, this makes up.0000001% of the world. So it is unusual. Quit trying to pretend it's mainstream. I hope you're happy and shit, and I hope it all works out, but we know,

you guys, you gay guys, you're fucking nastier than heterosexual guys. You guys just fuck all over the place. Oh, Nick, you paint with a broad brush. Yes, I am. I have gay friends in show business. I told you, I know a comedian, gay guy.

Whatever city we went to, he'd head to the YMCA and come back with 14 phone numbers and we wouldn't see him the rest of the week. You're not going to tell me they're going to settle down. It's no way. And I don't blame you, fellas. You can just fuck.

No small talk. No flowers. It is unusual is all I'm saying. How does it affect you? It does, and it will. Because a year from now, there'll be a picture of three guys with a Shetland pony, and I'll have to accept that. Then it'll be two women, two women, two women with a raccoon.

The fact that Piper has three parents is just not a big deal. Wait till she goes to school. I have three parents myself, my mother, my father, my stepmother. Yeah. And you know what? It's been proven a million times. The best arrangement for a child to have a healthy life is to have a male and a female. No step fucking people involved. I know that happens at time with all the divorce. It's not the same thing, fellas.

I'm just saying. I love you anyways. And no one thinks anything of it. Jenkins writes in the book. Well, not that you know of. They go home and they laugh their balls off. They're not going to tell you because they'll be canceled. Do you get it, fellas? Yeah, you're helping. Jenkins writing the book. Some people seem to think it's about a ton of sex or something. Gu now why would they think that huh why would they think that please give me a call ah the homosexuals they think about a ton of sex or something or

we're unstable and must do crazy things i just said that Do you know why they think that, fellas? They're not pulling that out of fucking, you know, what do you guys like, the lower whole cloth? But it's really remarkably ordinary and domestic in our house and definitely not Tiger King, referring to Joey. So that's the bar you set? Huh? We're not Tiger King. Anyways, Jenkins met Mayfield, a psychiatrist, while they were completing their medical residence in Boston. The two were together for eight years when Hodges, who works at a zoo hospital, came into the picture. Oh, you are like the Tiger King.

Met him at the zoo, this guy. Easy, Hodges although their relationship with Hodges can uh began as a friendship just what I said things turned quickly when he came out of the shower and he had two hungry mouths waiting for him no things turned quickly romantic after five years of throupled them the trio started seriously discussing parenthood when friends offered to donate their leftover embryos to them i can just see it can't you it's a normal it's it's a normal family the baby's in a bassinet the one in the middle's got two cocks in each hand and he's licking the other guy's but sure just like how i grew up and everybody else. Over the next year, the family would spend more than $120,000 on legal fees, contracts,

implantations tests. Gay couples don't stumble into parenthood by accident, they said. It's always a deliberate act and complicated one. That's what Jenkins writes. First, they had to find a surrogate. Luckily, their friend, Delilah, offered to carry their child. Then came the lawyers. The embryos needed to be adopted so that each man would have equal parental rights. It was a rare case. I thought you said it was very common. There's nothing unusual about it. You fucking assholes. I'm not that mad, folks. It's just filled with hypocrisy. I'm upset about the mainstreamness of this shit that's all you don't have to lie about it fine go do it it doesn't but but i'm saying don't pretend you know we'll have nine shows like modern family now based on these guys third parents are usually added uh on to birth certificates after the fact not at the time of

the birth yeah whose fault is that it didn't help that one of the embryos wasn't viable. You mean it wasn't the right color, you racist. And another didn't properly implant. What do you do, drop it under the couch? The process had to start all over. This time a friend named Megan came to the rescue and donated her eggs to the trio. They covered those with their hollandaise sauce and trickier legal process ensued. We had to have contracts between each man and each woman.

Then when another cycle got planned, we realized the contracts had to be redone. Of course, redoing them, that means $500 an hour in fees, Jenkins writes of the ordeal. And the requirement is to pay four lawyers, one to represent each father plus one for the surrogate, to craft a parenting agreement, which no straight couple has probably ever been asked to do. Oh, the burden of being a fag. Oh, the burden of being a fag. Well, whose fault is that? The trio won the right to their polybirth certificate just before Piper was born.

And another step towards destroying society as we know it in the nuclear family. Anyways, had we not, one of us parents would be uh a legal nobody to the kids if we didn't go through all that jenkins rights no right to visitation if we split up no ability to consent for medical care no uh no say in decisions no say in legal responsibilities no automatic inheritance uh this would have been really, really risky for the family. Wow, it sounds like more of a headache than anything. Too often, they felt like outsiders, even when providing their sperm samples, listen to this, this would crack me up.

Even when they had to provide sperm samples, Jenkins says the visual aids on offer were geared towards heterosexual men. In other words, when they needed to shoot a load into a cup, the people at the thing handed them pictures of Megan Fox and Jennifer Aniston going down on fucking Angelina Jolie, and they couldn't get a nut off, and they're like, for Christ's sake, don't you any uh people magazines from the 90s when brad pitt was doing fight club or i'm tired i couldn't think of any of the guys

how old is the show right now oh my god that's it i feel like i'm cutting a double box set but the stress and pain of the fight uh were worth it No, you can't say that yet. Now Piper and Parker, Piper and Parker, pick the pepper, pickle, have no trouble understanding their parents' relationship. Oh, really? How old are they? I guarantee, huh? Yeah, they understand that, huh? Yeah, okay. I guarantee you in eight years, there'll be a... Trying to get an adedictomy and a tits to it or whatever the other. Have no trouble understanding

their parents' relationship. I'm Papa. Alan is Dada. And Jeremy is Daddy, says Jenkins. We all bring something different to the table. Yeah, fucking jizz-covered napkins. There's no need to talk like that, Nick. Well, sure there is.

Fucking quiz! Take it easy. To eat, live and let live. I just worry about the kids. That's all. I just worry about the kids. The son's gonna throw like a bitch. Because all the dads do. Probably Ron, probably like the fucking one on the far right, probably at 108 mile

an hour fastball. I know, folks. We need something to light up the, we've touched on gender race and well, let's touch on crime. Yeah, but we already touched on race. Here's the headline, folks. Woman busted for home invasion after Cheeto dust was found in her teeth. A woman was busted for home invasion in Oklahoma. Thanks in part to Cheeto dust found in her choppers. Authorities allege. Wow, that was loud.

Sharon Carr was arrested on first degree burglary after allegedly committed the dangerously cheesy act Friday at a home in Tulsa. Cops say they arrived at the home that night where a mom and two young kids had called 911 to report that another lady had pried a screen off her window and gotten inside the house. This is the worst case of munchies ever.

The snack-loving sneak had had already fled but cops say they found a bag of cheetos and a bottle of water on the floor near the open window a few seconds later however car allegedly emerged from the shadows. Police told the news station the mom ID'd her as the invader and the bust was further cemented when they found the incriminating orange snack food residue still stuck in her teeth. She's going to go to jail because she doesn't have a floss? Oh, my God. Shut your fucking mouth!

No, I will not. They brought her to the station now cops think she dropped the uh bag while making her escape oh did you put that together nice going anyways uh they brought a police station and uh to keep her calm they they gave her this this rewind that I thought I chewed like a pig oh my god that's the person sitting next to me on a flight from new york to la for six hours i want to thank people who contribute to this show you fans keep us alive i hope we pick up the pace here because, you know, stand up right now. I haven't done it for a while. I need the money. I can't see you.

People contributed since last night. Patrick at Karen, Oklahoma. Christopher McKean, Pennsylvania. Franz Grissom, Oklahoma. Ruth Cult, Illinois. Christina Sellers, California. Kathy Smith, Connecticut. Vito Guagenti, New York.

Mike Walsh, Oregon. Samantha Rosario, Florida. And a couple of new monthly supporters. We have B Hayes 82, James Camano, Thomas Monaghan from Massachusetts. And that's it. Thank you guys so much again don't forget

to eventually move over to thecomicsgym.com if you guys subscribe monthly you get an extra story every day so you know and eventually we'll give away Nick DiPaolo plastic hips I think we'll have those in the alrighty

you know who I'm sick of John Brennan Nick DiPaolo plastic hips, I think we'll have those in the end. All righty. You know who I'm sick of? John Brennan. Remember him? There you go. That's him getting blown as he's coming. Very happy guy. He was the head of the CIA director.

He's a hack, a political hack. He actually voted for the Communist Party back in the 70s. Can you imagine? He was the FBI director, head of the CIA, whatever. And he was one of those, you know, one of the many people that left the Obama administration and went to CNN, got a nice gig there. And, you know, Russiagate, he was all in the middle of that. He should be in jail like everybody else, him and Hillary and everybody else that was involved.

Anyhow, he's always on msnbc um you know puffing out his chest at how liberal he is uh jerk off at john brennan uh was on msnbc uh what were they talking about? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, it's Wallace. What's her first name? Huh? Nicole Wallace.

Very good, Jason. Just watch it. It's self-explanatory. Well, I must say, to Claire's point, I'm increasingly embarrassed to be a white male these days. I'll tell you, to Claire's point, I'm increasingly embarrassed to be a white male these days. I don't know what I see of my other white males saying, but it just shows that with very few exceptions like Mitt Romney, Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, there are so few. That's who he points out as open minded. Three traitors. Kinzinger, fucking Mitt Romney.

kinsinger fucking mitt romney that's who he points is you know embarrassed to be a white male and i'm embarrassed you're a white male too you make us really look fucking stupid and she laughs the titless one that go ahead you're saying he left republicans in congress who value truth honesty honesty, and integrity. And so they'll continue to gaslight the country the way that Donald Trump did. Oh, my God. You pompous, stock-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-faced, dickhead, asshole. Continue.

Mitt Romney and who are the other two fucking Kinzinger and the other? Liz Cheney. All traitors, all full of shit. And he, they're the truth sayers. They're the only ones that tell the truth. See how it works? If you fucking believe in their narrative, you're the truth. It's scary. I'm still trying to figure out if they really believe that or they know they're full of shit i can't there's really two truth

is an objective thing now apparently what a fucking uh i'm embarrassed to be a white guy and nicole's like touching her box. I love that type of talk. Fucking idiot. You might as well be an 80-year-old black woman. Oh, God. I don't know if he has a wife either. I always question his fruitiness. Oh, Nick, don't be homophobe.

Well, we have a clip of how he spends his weekend. Here's a couple of his friends. You look younger every time I see you. Ah, the homosexuals. Ah, fuck you, John Brennan. Everything you stand for. Right in the middle of Mulligate and fucking Russiagate. What a scumbag. Should be in jail. cnn gives him a

contract and we are finished as a nation speaking of dickheads how about this spanish rapper he's accused of doing what nick hacking off his roommate's penis with a 12-inch kitchen knife must have been quite a dick as part of a gruesome attempt to get attention on social media. Boy, there's other ways, fella. You know, I mean, come on. Go out to like a frozen lake and jump in it or whatever. Dance in the shower with a cowboy hat. I don't know.

Hey, how do we get some more likes? I know what I'll cut your cock off with this kitchen knife. They do it. Guy almost bleeds out and they look up and there's three likes. Oh my god. Just to get attention on social media.

He agreed to it? Yeah! La la la, la. Aaron Beltran allegedly made a deal with Andrew Breach. Oh, God, look. That is not a good couple. How do these guys even meet?

The guy on the left looks like he's an extra from FAUDA. And there's Conan O'Brien in ninth grade. Allegedly made a deal with Andrew Breach, an Oxford educated British teacher. What does that say about higher learning? To amputate his manhood. That's how much he, do you understand? I don't think he can get any more liberal

than Oxford University in England. You know, UK is a social shithole to begin with. He's so convinced that white men are bad, he chopped his own cock off. Oh, my God. He agreed to have it amputated. With Breach agreeing, though, to pay a fee, depending on how many times the video was shared on YouTube, the Independent Report.

Is this really true? I'm hoping it's $1,000 for each thumbs up or whatever. The payout, oh my God, he made $173. The payout range from 173 euros or about $240 to a maximum of 2,164 or about $3,000. Was it really worth it? No, I think it was pretty good. It was all right.

I wouldn't do it again. Well, you can't. Beltran now faces four and a half years behind. Why? The guy agreed to it. Seriously. That's consent. Beltran now faces a...

I try to circumcise myself in sixth grade with a spork out in the cold behind the garage. Beltran now faces four and a half years behind bars and four and a half inches at home. What? Gilligan? Behind bars if convicted carrying out the Griisly act in a Zaragoza Spain in March of 2019 well I think you're going away my friend aren't you bye bye dickhead on the afternoon of March 8th just before 7 15 p.m when both men were in the victim's bedroom Andrew tied his pajama cord around the bottom of his penis to avoid hemorrhaging the indictment reads the accused who sat on a chair

in front of him cut his penis with a 12 inch kitchen knife which was never found because the accused got rid of it a police officer told the court in eastern spain that he found breach 35 who taught at a local language academy bleeding heavily after the gory stunt another officer said breach had wanted to sever his penis because he did not feel like he was completely a male watch out because I'm... Cocoa Pops! Cocoa Pops! Cocoa Pops! Cocoa Pops! You think I'm kidding when I'm saying all the liberal shit he was teaching at Oxford, I swear to God, got to him or he believes it. Is that not the definition of self-hating? Self-hating white male?

Chop your own cock off and I'll have somebody do it for you. I'm surprised he didn't do it while he's in blackface. That would have made for a good story. Finally tonight, a Jamaican sprinter who has his real penis would rather miss Tokyo, which is, I think, where the Olympics are, right? Then get a COVID vaccine. I think this guy is my new hero. I am not. I don't trust the guy. I think this guy is my new hero. I am not.

I don't trust the guy. I do not trust anything. The government wants to guarantee there's chips in that shit. And I don't mean nachos. Olympic champion sprinter Johan Blake of Jamaica said he would rather miss the Tokyo Games. Yeah, you just told us that in the first paragraph. Why do they do that? the Tokyo games. Yeah. You just told us that in the first paragraph, why do they do that?

Instead of getting the COVID-19 vaccine, although getting vaccinated will not be required of the athletes competing there this summer. My mind, he says, I quote, still stays strong. I don't want any vaccine. I'd rather French kiss Bill Maher. What? I'd rather miss the Olympics than take the vaccine. Can you say it a third time in the article? I am not taking it. Oh, there's something different. He was quoted as saying in a Jamaican newspaper, and the paper's called The Gleaner, which I get morning on my doorstep. Ah. I kind of respect them, don't you? Jason, did you get it? No. Oh, and have you had it? I'm not getting it.

What? No. No. Alrighty then. I don't really want to get into it now, but I have my reasons, he said. That's kind of suspicious. Blake, a one-time rival of Jamaican great Usain Bolt, Usain Bolt, will likely still be able to participate in what is expected to be the 31-year-old's third and final games, even if he does not get the vaccine.

The International Olympic Committee has said getting the vaccine is encouraged, but not compulsory for athletes. Why? It's compulsory everywhere else. Places the lotion in the basket. Please. Please help me. I want to go home, please. He places the lotion in the basket. Please, no. I want to go home, please. Please, no. He places the lotion in the basket.

I want to see my mommy. Please, no. I want to see my mommy. I want to see my mommy. Put the fucking lotion in the basket. That's the lotion form of the vaccine. I don't want the vaccine. I want to get out of the CVS.

Take the fucking shot. Was she a great big fat girl? Was she a great big fat person? Then the sprinter said, follow your mind. Don't follow the crowd. Then he passed a joint to 11 guys that look just like him what come on nick you can't well i did follow your mind don't follow the crowd the two-time olympic gold medalist said in a video posted on twitter on saturday at the same time be respectful to eat okay don't lecture me be respectful to each and everyone don't lecture me. Be respectful to each and everyone. Don't let no one take away your choice.

The Jamaican government is expected to receive its first shipment of the vaccine next week. They got to be excited over there. Oh boy, is this great? Blake's remarks came after a series of eight meets were held across the Caribbean with not one white fella in it uh eight meets across the Caribbean island nation on Saturday marking a return to large-scale sporting events that have been on hold uh due to the pandemic boy even the islands huh the Olympics which were pushed back by a year due to the global health crisis are set to begin on July 23rd though speculation remains the event might yet be canceled due to the oncoming pandemic.

You have to be fucking kidding me. I'm watching hockey games. They let in like, I don't know, 5,000 people. It is the silliest. If it was really deadly, do you understand they wouldn't let you near each other? Please, please please please somebody end this that is it folks i got a sore throat i'm pretty sure i'm dead i got nothing don't forget my tour dates go to nickdip.com click on the tour button

don't forget thecomicsgym.com where the show will be permanently based. So move all your stuff over there if you, you know. Don't make me tell you again. And don't forget cameo.com where if you want me to roast one of your friends or relatives or say happy birthday to Grammy, you go to cameo.com. Click on my profile. Tell me a little bit about the person, and I'll be glad to sizzle them like sizzling. I'll make a little video on my phone and send it to that person.

People do it for birthdays. They do it. I told you, some guy did it for his wedding. He put me up there with my filthy mouth at his wedding. He said I walked 12 tables at his wedding. Anyways, that is it. You guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow.

Have a good day. guitar solo We'll see you next time.