The Nick DiPaolo Show - Putin Bombs Ukraine | Nick Di Paolo Show #668

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

Putin begins bombing Ukraine. Psaki condemns Abbott. Psake courted by CNN/NBC. TX T&A campaign ad. Judge afraid to judge. Black mom assaults kids and ref.

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Welcome. Final day of the week, a Thursday to the Nick DiPaolo Show. Glad you could be with us. Glad I could be with you and your sister. Listen. Nothing going on in the world. Slow news day. Let's talk about American Idol season coming up, I hear.

Excuse me. Anyhow, wasn't that great, that cold opening? Did you see that guy sucker in, Trudeau? Fucking comment. Oh, my God. Why haven't we done that to Biden 100 times? If it happens to Biden, it'll be somebody that's working for him. So, you know what?

I've had enough of your shit, too. Yeah, and the fucking world's on fire. Louis C.K., my buddy, texted me because he was supposed to do two sold-out shows in, where? Kiev this weekend. I said, that is some... I said, only you, man. I go, that's like some Bob Hope shit that you'd read in history.

His show was canceled, you know, when the Nazis stormed the venue. But so he's, of course he's going on, now he's at Amsterdam, he's going to be doing Amsterdam, Portugal, Spain, that's a career. This guy's an international, and he should be. Best ever to do it, my opinion, not because he's my friend, I'm just saying.

Felt that way three years after I met him. Excuse me So anyways, yeah, so he texted me at 3 in the morning Saying thank you. I I first I said don't be a pussy show must go on I looked it up in Russian he left but then I said no get out of it And you know, he was trying to this is before the war broke out a couple days ago He was still thinking about trying to I go. What are you doing? You get you're gonna, what are you doing?

You're going to get, what if you get trapped on the way out of there? And he's got a whole tour to do. So whatever. I'm sure he would have thought of that himself. He's no dummy, Louie, by any stretch. So, yeah. All right, let's get on with it. In the N-word tonight, I am sick of listening to the left say anybody who's against this thing,

you know, and like me just saying, what's Ukraine got to do with us? You know what I mean? An expert yesterday on TV said, you know, if we just said, yeah, take Ukraine, I mean, people are dying now. Who gives a shit? take Ukraine. I mean, people are dying now. Just who gives a shit? You know what I mean? Who gives a shit? We don't need them in NATO.

But that, man. So people are dying because Biden doesn't have it. Boy, this is obviously the United States of the 19th, where we were the leaders. Now we have to call our friends France. Oh, they'll help you out. They have a history of great fighting. So it could get real interesting. I think he's just, me and Colin Quinn were just talking. It was a good metaphor by him. It's like a fastball under the chin, I think, just to let people know he ain't playing. I'm hoping. Maybe he keeps going. All I know is I have three guns

in my bed. I'll take care of myself. All right, let's get on with it. I don't even know how the show works. Is it on me still? Goodness gracious, Heloise. Top story, obviously, Chicken Kiev. Russian forces have begun an attack on Ukraine with reports of troops crossing the border to the north and south, explosions in multiple cities, peaceful cities, including

the capital, Kyiv. It used to be Kiev, and then NPR got hold of it. That's what they, honest to God. And warnings from Russian President Vladimir Putin of bloodshed unless Ukrainian forces lay down their arms. Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war?

Look at this poor lady. You know what I like about it? She's still smiling. Show me an American broad with that kind of blood on, just not panicking. This broad's like, Putin didn't do this. My husband Igor did. I burnt the tchotchke. So anyways, it's a frightening situation.

We're making light of it here. But can you imagine? Putin's like, and Putin's sort of putting out these signals. If you try to interfere, you won't have to imagine. Because he said something like, I think it might be in the story here. But he hints to like, keep your paws off what I'm doing or you're going to fucking feel it. Apparently he woke up on the wrong side of the bunker. But it's a silly, silly. And the sanctions, oh, that really. And you got people on the left literally blaming Trump on MSNBC and shit. You're like children. You're like fucking.

They're so desperate, it's embarrassing. Can you imagine? They're like, Trump said if he was in there, this wouldn't have happened. It wouldn't, it wouldn't have. Ay-yi-yi. I mean, Trump used one bomb, remember? It's called a Moab. Mother of all bombs.

He don't fucking play. Putin, you don't think he could read Trump going, this guy's fucking crazy. I read his tweets. No good. We wait for Biden. You don't think he's energized by Biden, a fucking senile old man. You don't think that energizes him that way?

It's his perfect chance. And you know he's probably chatting with Xi Jinping of China. You know? And the Chinese guy, hey, I'm not going to get the fear. What are you going to do? It was very Chinese to me. Wasn't that that language? Look at this video, though. Look at this shit. That'll be shit, mate.

That'll be shit, mate. What makes me laugh is Biden, and I've said this, what, a hundred times, is doing everything they said Trump would do. Not that he got us into this. Actually, when you want to talk about it, Obama got us into this. Wasn't he in charge of getting rid of the nukes out of Ukraine? It was the Obama administration. The Marxist fuck is the worst thing that ever happened in this country. Trust me. You're a racist.

I don't give a fuck. It got nothing to do with race and you know it. He's a hardcore Marxist. He hit it pretty well, give him that much credit. I'd like to play hoops with him so I could submarine him and paralyze him. Anyways, the offense of that Russia called a special military operation, as opposed to those unspecial ones, came as world leaders attempted to avert catastrophe with a meeting of the United, how did that work out, the

United Nations? What a useful tool that is. The United Nations Security Council, amid warnings that a possible invasion could start the biggest war in Europe since 1945. in Europe since 1945. That's right. It all started with Heidi Fleiss. The German.

The first blasts were heard at around 5 a.m. Thursday. Just think about that, folks. You're in your bed. I just want you to think about that. You live wherever. New York, L.A., Detroit, major cities. They usually hit first. Anyways, prompting immediate condemnation from the United States and its allies that you live wherever. New York, LA, Detroit, major cities. They use the hint verse. Anyways,

prompting immediate condemnation from the United States and its allies which have, oh boy, I know, didn't that? We're going to write a strongly worded letter which have threatened to enact full-scale sanctions. Oh, no, we're going to go to full power.

Cut off their fucking Snickers bars and their Clorox. Full-scale sanctions in response to Russian military aggression. After Putin shit his pants laughing, he responded, as air raid sirens rang out across Kiev

early Thursday, Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky Wasn't Zelensky the name of Dan Aykroyd's character in Tommy Boy? I'm for the working man because that's who I am. Moved to enact martial law and

government ministers accused Moscow of launching a full-scale invasion as dawn broke. Heavy traffic could be seen clogging roads, heading west. That was scary. Boy, you talk up. That's not too scary. You're in Bumper to Bumper. You're not moving, and bombs are going off. Makes a rainstorm look like a tit, don't it? Anyways, heading out west on the highways. While further east, near the Russian border,

the mayor of Kharkiv urged citizens not to leave their homes. Really? I'm staying right here. Don't leave your homes. Okay. Put up a badminton net for the kids in the backyard. Tell me what to do. You've got to send this message.

Ukraine's foreign minister, Dmytro Kulib, tweeted on his official page that peaceful Ukrainian cities are under strike and call the situations a war of aggression, you don't say. And an advisor to the Ukrainian interior minister, Anton Geraschenko, told journalists Russia's invasion has begun with missile strikes in Kiev. Then he finished his donut. I don't know what to say, but I don't want to ever hear that. Dallas has seen the war. He's heard the shit. Like sweet music to my ears.

Dallas gets a hard on me. He hears the shit. It's how crazy this motherfucker is. You know how people listen to White Noise or Fall Asleep? He puts that shit on. He listens, he orders the,

he orders the Franklin, you know, set of World War II videos, and he just listens to the audio. Videos, how old is that? I ordered those fuckers. I love history.

Anyways, here's a little more footage just so you guys don't take for granted what these poor people are going through. I said to Dallas, there's one thing that's universal. You hear the woman

shitting her pants and the two guys are like, hey, what are you going to do? I mean, what can we do? I'm still going to the liquor store, honey. Shut your mouth. UFC tonight. CNN witnessed through a live stream video troops atop a column of military vehicles entering Ukraine from a border crossing with Belarus.

The live stream video was taken at the Senkivka Ukraine crossing with Veselovka, Belarus. The column was seen entering Ukraine at about 6.48 a.m. local time. CNN teams in Russia and Ukraine also heard blasts from several parts of Ukraine, including near the capital of Kiev and the port city of Odessa. And images released by the office of President Zelensky showed large explosions to the east of the capital of Kiev with huge columns of smoke rising into the air. The general staff of the Ukrainian armed forces said five Russian aircraft and helicopters were shot down early Thursday, claims that Russia denied, of course, by the, you know, through their state agency.

The Security Council had just convened an emergency meeting Wednesday night when Putin took to Russian airwaves to announce the invasion at 5.50 a.m. The early rat gets the worm. To anyone who would, this is, I'm quoting Mr. Putin, to anyone who would consider interfering from outside, if you do, you will face consequence greater than any you have faced in history. I wonder who that was directed at. You realize that's us, folks, because we've never had a war on this land, have we? I mean, other than, you know, the fucking Red Sox and Yankees. other than, you know, the fucking Red Sox and Yankees.

But he said that on television broadcast around 6 a.m. Moscow time, and the people responded. Fuck your mother! That was Ukraine's answer. Antonio Guttiatis, the Secretary General of the United Nations, had urged Putin to stop his tanks. How did that work out? It's like going, you know,

we yelled at Hitler twice, and he... If indeed an operation is being prepared, I have only one thing to say from the bottom of my heart, said Gutierrez. President Putin, stop your troops from... Well, it's from the bottom of his heart, so maybe he'll listen. Stop your troops from attacking Ukraine.

Give peace a chance. Oh, my God, he's taking a slogan out from the 60s. I knew a comedian, his name was Chance Langton. And he'd say after the girls after the show, give chance a peace.

Very funny dude. Give peace a chance to many people because many people have already died. Well, and again, you know, we could have. You know, all they had to say, again, I'm listening to experts who are in the military, but Putin would have accepted if we said we're not going to make them part of NATO.

Whatever. I don't know if it would have changed things or whatever, but I would have believed they would have went in. You know, I'm looking at this and going, it's such a, obviously the Ukraine's, if it was a football game, huge underdogs. It's almost like you just want Putin to go, look, I don't want to kill, drop bombs on you guys. We're coming in. Now, just behave yourself. But I guess that's not how the world works.

I don't know. Was Zelensky up there going, fuck you, we're not how the world works. I don't know. Was Zelensky up there going, fuck you, we're going to take you on? I don't know. Dallas, you know. You were in a war with your girlfriend this morning. If you want to call it that. Yeah. Putin ignored the plea going on TV to describe the invasion as a special military occupation.

Instead, he wants to demilitarize and denazify, not occupy the country. Now, I don't even know what to do with that. You're just over there to change it, then you're going to go home? What? What? But it's funny, I was talking to Mr. Quinn on the phone, who knows his history, Colin, and he was talking about how the Jews, you know, hate the fucking Ukrainians, because before the Ukrainians were the Ukrainians, they were the Cossacks way back in the day, and they fucking murdered Jews.

So you'll be hearing from Jerry Seinfeld soon. I'll tell you, these missiles can hurt people. These people. He told Ukrainian service members to lay down their arms and go home, saying Russia could not exist with a constant threat emanating from the territory of Ukraine in clashes between Russia and Ukrainian soldiers was inevitable, he said. Who gives a fuck what you think? Nobody. Well,

nobody's doing anything about it. That's all I'm saying. I can't wait to get home and read about the tough sanctions we laid on him today. That's gonna be terrific. I know part of it is no more Friends reruns. Look what I pulled up. There you go.

America, if you need starters, spark plugs, ball joints, gaskets, camshafts, U-joints, or rocker arms, anything that can be screwed or glued to that car or truck of yours, come see O'Reilly. Hey, you want a guarantee? I got a guarantee stamped on every box. He's got really weird hair. But more important is the guarantee that I make to the American world. What is it, Zelensky?

I want your truck to help you get the job done. Kill them Russians. Get out there safely so you can clean up the streets. You can take off out of Kiev. When you take them

for a ride. As they get blown up. Thank you, son. Here it comes. The name Zelensky. I make car parts for the American working man because that's what I am

and that's who I care about. The Ukrainian working man because that's what I am and that's who I care about. Oh goodness, I knew I'd heard that name. Can't be the first one to point that out but nice going. You pulled that

up like a fucking 10 year veteran. How about a hand for Dallas producing like a mother? Let's move on to some, I don't know, some lighter shit. What's the headline here? Hey, Abbott. Hey, Abbott. White House Press Secretary Jen, we love her. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. Psaki condemned the letter

Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott sent to the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services Tuesday directing it to investigate reported instances of Texas children being subjected to gender transitioning procedures that he characterized as abuse. Goddamn right.

He says because the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services is responsible for protecting children from abuse, I hereby direct your agency to conduct a prompt and thorough investigation of any reported instances of these abusive procedures in the state of Texas, Abbott's letter states. To protect Texas children from abuse, DFPS and all other state agencies must follow the law as explained in OAG opinion number KP-0401, which is much more rigid than KP0402. I should say draconian. Psaki, as she was playing with her pink nipples,

alleged that Abbott's directive and similar action in Florida and other states are designed to target and attack the kids who need support the most. No, it doesn't, you dink. How do you get that out of what he just said? She's saying it's the ones. Here you go. Here's her explanation. God, boy, does she look like Jimmy Durante.

LGBTQ I. Every day it's a fucking. What's left? Students are already vulnerable to bullying and violence just for being themselves, Psaki said. How about this? Stop right there. Yeah. So why would you want teachers to convert kids to that lifestyle so they can get bullied? How's that for logic? They're trying to prevent straight kids that the teachers are trying to confuse and you left this radical fucks it's right out in the open with this gender stuff and uh it's none of your business

it's the parents business i'm sorry how do i know that i own a poodle this isn't an isolated action as evidenced by multiple states pursuing this we're seeing Republican leaders take actions to regulate what students can or cannot read. Hey, what? Hey, what? Do you understand that? First of all, that's wrong on its face. Second of all, it's ironic that a fucking administration who censors everybody and everything they don't agree with, you got a problem with that now? Oh, does it not feel good, Jen? And it's not, she's way off.

That's not what they're trying to do. Oh, they're supposed to read everything. You know what I mean? And including left-wing propaganda. See how they get when their fucking power gets picked at? America's finally waking up about 20 years too late, literally. I was gay through the late 90s.

I mean, this plan has worked perfectly. You remember Dallas? You can go on the internet. Look at my website. I was a dancer on a show called Solid Goal. Way before your time. But if you Google that, there's a guy named Denny Terrio. You're going to die. Everybody call me that guy.

Anyways, what they can or cannot learn. That's not what they're doing. Ay, ay, ay. And she says most troubling, who they can or cannot. She says who they can or cannot be. I'm gay. I'm really gay.

I'm super duper gay. I'm gay. I'm really gay. I'm super duper gay. I'm gayer than a rainbow. I'm gayer than your mother. What? You like it? Anyways, good for you, Abbott. There's supposed to be some pushback from a Democrat out of New Mexico.

New Mexico? New Mexico? Paul Costello. Boy did that joke suck my dick. All right. I can't wait to get out of here. What time did we start? Oh yeah, that's right. I had that in my head. I'm worried folks. Here's the thing. I don't eat any, I drink coffee like a, you know, four cup. I'm up to four now before the show or whatever, which isn't, I know people who drink 10 before noon time. But here's the thing.

By the time I get done doing this, the adrenaline rush goes away and I have the caffeine crash. I used to drink it so I could go home. I still get caffeine in me. Last two or three days, I've gone home and taken not a little nap. On Wednesday, I laid down in a dark bedroom at four o'clock, woke up at quarter of eight. I looked at the clock. I thought it was morning. And I'm like, I'm late. I'm all fucked up. And then yesterday, two-hour power nap. I'm just saying, it's great to get old. I'll be dead soon. Come visit the grave. I'm just saying it's great to get old. I'll be dead soon. Come visit the grave.

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Thank you so much for sponsoring this show Jen Psaki again sorry folks the show is very red I just thought with Putin invading and she's got red hair and you know I mean it's a whole Russian thing about I'm wearing red undies the... Anyhow, Wacky Sacky being courted by who else? She's already got her foot out the door to take a job at CNN or MSNBC. You see how it works? And I know what you're saying. Well, Kayleigh McElhaney did

the same thing with Fox, but still that's all we have is Fox. You guys have already sewed up the fucking news for the last 30 years. So she'll take a nice high-paying job, stick her nose in, and you're going to have to look at that face.

Oh, Minkia. What am I kidding? I'd still throw one. Listen. Following in the footsteps of former White House communications staff turned media personalities, all of them do it. I mean, Stephanopoulos, that's my point, Stephanopoulos, we're supposed to, he's on the Sunday morning shows.

We're supposed to take him, you know, as a non-biased, unbiased journalist. He used to do everything for the Clintons. You got Nicole Wallace, who's the dumbest twat ever to be allowed on television. And I'm not, that includes everybody. And Kayleigh McEnany, again, a little huddy, blonde, you know, and they get sacky. Is reportedly in talks to,

sacky's gonna join a cable network as a host. Gee, let me mull it around. Fox Nation. Dylan Byers, founding partner and senior correspondent at Puck, Puck, reported on Wednesday that Saki, who's expected to leave the White House this year, is being feverishly quoted by both CNN and MSNBC. So we asked him how he feels about it. You get that little red beaver right up there in front of you.

I don't think it's crazy at all. I like the rest of that. He goes, I almost come to sewing my pants shut. I almost come to sewing my pants shut. Buyers detail that despite CNN's deep internal turmoil in recent weeks, she'll be in no danger of being raped. What? CNN interim co-president, oh, Amy Intelis,

CNN Plus program lead, Rebecca Cutler, were in Washington for a top secret. So top secret, I'm telling you people about it now. Admission critical recruitment assignment. She's not even done yet. And they're like, do you see how it works? It's really important to them. Because CNN is literally, I got more viewers. It's collapsing.

I'm sure MSNBC, Rachel Maddow was carrying that for years. She's on sabbatical. So they're crashing and burning. They can't wait. And it's important to them because they do the dirty work for the Dems. You know what I mean? Fox has been trampling them for two decades now. Stomping them.

And that's still another thing that makes me nuts when people go, when they bring Fox's name up in the same sense as like CNN, like their, you know, counterparts. I understand it all comes under the umbrella of corporate news and all that horse shit, okay, but somebody gives it more of an honest effort than others. NBC should be taken out and burned and fucking. Additionally, NBC news chairman,

Caesar, oh boy, she's going to go there. You go with a big box, fuck cable. Caesar Condi and MSNBC president, Rashida Jones. Hi, Rashida, you're a beautiful lady. Too bad you're a dumbass bitch. Made a similar pilgrimage to Washington to meet with the very same talent,

and I would put my money on NBC, the big bucks, no? In the hopes that she might one day join their networks in a flagship role and perhaps even take the top spot in primetime on MSNBC. How does Joy Reid feel about a white bitch being doing that? And sold out by a black bitch? Can you stay categorical? You are fake news, sir. What was that?

What did he say? Can you stay categorical? You are fake news, sir. Let me tell you something. You can say a lot about Jen Psaki, but, I mean, she's just good at lying. She makes it very, you know, you don't believe her, but she's very smooth, and she nods her head, and she's always polite.

Then again, we don't have a Jim Acosta at Fox, you know, berating the shit out of, ugh. Here's my new thing. You guys are going to laugh at me. Anytime I want to wish cancer on somebody, like I sent a text to Gutfeld, I said, I hope I hope Nancy Pelosi's been using Roundup

in her garden for the last 30 years. You know that commercial you always say? Anybody using Roundup? And thank you to the guy out there. I'm sorry I forget your name, buddy. You're one of the people that watch the show. You told me to bring my Fender to a Luther,

which I still got to Google. A guitar expert, you know. I got to be honest, it's better than it was. I might have had the, might have had the, you know what, what do you call it, the pickups a little high or whatever. I don't know. But when I play

Sweet Home Alabama, it's a little clangy on that fucking Ask Dallas the talent buyers refers to is Jen Psaki both MSNBC and CNN lag far behind Fox News in the ratings and are in need of

a shake up instead of thinking about new talent maybe you want to take a look at yourselves in the mirror and go you know they're on to us we had a good run 40 years of lying through our fucking faces. But you know what? The last 25 years, we're getting shellacked, and nobody's believing us. So it doesn't matter who you bring in there. Bring in Christ.

Fox boasted online Wednesday that the network celebrated, listen to this, It's 27th straight week. Beating both CNN and MSNBC combined in terms of overall viewership. Not each one combined for a half a year. Can you imagine? How do you feel, Hillary? Bang, bang, shoot them up, one, two, three. Bang, bang, shoot them up to the moon. Bang, bang, shoot them up, destiny. I wanted to be a spaceman.

That's what I wanted to be. But now that I am a space man, nobody cares about me. So hey, Mother Earth, won't you bring me back down? God damn it, the phlegm's coming up. I had it going there. Anyways, Fox went on to dunk on CNN's particular poor showings as of late, pointing out that the last week, CNN had its, last week they had their least watched non-holiday week during weekday primetime since 20, get this, 14. Buyers explained why media executives hope Psaki may be the golden ticket to better ratings, noting, executives hope Saki may be the golden ticket to better ratings, noting Saki has achieved veritable celebrity status. Is that how you're thinking? Got nothing to do with her breadth

of knowledge. Oh my God, we are so fucking, it has to do with her celebrity status. Well, then get The Rock to do a show. For her, that's right, he's a Republican. For her daily press briefings, which have restored sanity and professionalism to the office. Excuse me. The reason there was no sanity of professionalism... Jim Acosta, does that ring a bell? Was he professional when

McEnany was trying to do a press... to the office, and earned her the adoration of the mainstream media as well as fervent following online. Yeah, she's got a, you know what, what do you call that page? Friends

only, only, whatever, fans only or only fans? She lays there with her freckled ass hanging up. Beaver looks like a skunk that was hit by an 18-wheeler. Listen, that's gross. No need of that talk on a show like this. Like what?

I'm just in a good mood. I'm going to bring my weights over here. Fucking beautiful room, right? It's a fucking liftway. I was doing it in my shed. You know, it's always good. You're benching, and your elbow hits a rusty, like, shovel. Fucking had a pair of, you know what those things, clippers.

Yeah, fell and nicked my head. Anyways, let's go to the next story. Tits and ass and boats. Oh, I like this one. I almost got a nut off to this last night while putting this show together. A woman running for railroad commissioner in the Lone Star State, I think that would be Texas, has raised eyebrows higher than Pelosi's.

What? Over her racy campaign video in which she straddles, that got me hot right there. She straddles an oil pump. I thought it was a mechanical bull. Wearing little more than a cowboy hat and boots. Now let me tell you something. My first reaction, like Dallas, oh, God, look where we are in this country.

Second reaction, I don't know. It's a very all-American thing. And she's like, hey, you're not listening to my words, motherfuckers? Can we show a show? This is her ad. Stronger with Stodner. Please vote early starting tomorrow. Come on. Come on. Show, this is her ad. That's... Stronger with Stogner. Please vote early starting tomorrow. Custer, jump on it.

Stronger with Stogner. Please vote early starting tomorrow. Custer, jump on it. What a terrific body. I'm sorry. Nick, is that what it takes? Yes. God damn it.

Remember I told you I had high blood pressure so I stopped smoking. That's a lie. Look at that picture. I'm serious. And she's kind of smart. That means I wouldn't marry her, but I'm just saying. You know, I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you. Get the fuck out of here. She looks like she's sitting on one of Putin's missiles and ready to head to Ukraine. Right? She said, this is her quoting her, They said I needed money. I have other assets, GOP lawyer Sarah Stogner, 37, who looks great, said in a tweet of the campaign clip posted to TikTok.

That's when you know you're going after the educated voter. Stogner, who posted the steamy video on Super Bowl Sunday, said it was shot in November by a documentary crew she hired for her campaign against incumbent Wayne Christian, the Houston Chronicle reported. Some friends suggested that she post the video on TikTok, call attention to leaking wells in West Texas. That's the big, that's the big, leaking wells. I got leaking cocks everywhere. I started doing a little digging and was like, wow, this is great, meaning TikTok, I guess. She like, wow, this is great.

Meaning TikTok, I guess. She told the outlet, this is how I'm going to communicate to the masses about what's happening out there because people are visual. Get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. By the way, I'm Christine in that sketch. By the way, I'm Christine in that sketch. Stogner told the paper she decided to release the video because the risk seemed worth it as the University of Houston poll showed her only, she's only a few points behind the guy,

Christian, I should say, who's been bankrolled by oil and gas interest. What does that tell you about America, huh? Sure, we like our energy. We like our tits and ass. It's about neck and neck. Huh? Sure we like our energy. We like our tits and ass. It's about neck and neck. Huh? Fucking killer body. Does she have a top on in that picture? Pasties. Oh, okay. Wow. Do we have her talking? Did I not give you that? God damn it. She's got like an average plain

Jane face. You know what I mean? Like a seven. You know what you know i mean anyways i knew it would be controversial i didn't realize it would incite the rage and anger that it did from the press she told the chronicle you're a crumb creep no i'm not just checking out the titty bop bop bing bong san antonio express news described the video as listen to this and by the way, San Antonio, shut your mouth, you might be the worst city in the country, everybody I know that's been there, no disrespect, but yeah, oh, spent so many hot summer weeks there doing comedy, oh, hanging out at that Riverwalk, I was almost crying, was so bored, I'll never go back to that, I'm like a guy that breaks out of prison, and the cops are chasing him. You know, he's been on the run for two, five, three years

and he'd rather get shot by the cops than go back. I'd take my life if they were chasing me to do a set there. Express News described the video as disgraceful and pulled its endorsement of Stogner. Before you endorse anybody, they said we review social media and Stogner would never have been our pick because her boobs are too perfect. Had the video appeared before we made our recommendation,

we would have never picked her. Well, it's painful to resend a recommendation, but this is an opportunity to reaffirm our principles. Oh, everybody's so principled in this country that's going to hell in a handbasket. I just made that up. And principles and expectations. Oh, yes, we're all so moral.

And it's the left always saying that. The most angry, perverted fuckstains on the planet. We expect candidates for public office to model civil discourse and decorum worthy of the public's trust. Well, are you familiar with the American public? You know what I'm saying? This was neither, it added.

What a puss. That's faggot stuff. I agree. You want to call it by its name? That's strictly for fags. That's a film. Dallas, I don't know. Again. I know, and you're a film Dallas I don't know again I know and you're a film guy

Midnight Cowboy dude John Voight's about 26 years old Dustin Hoffman's probably younger it won best picture it was rated X when it first came out because of one quick scene that was right up your alley.

Please, I implore you. Stogner said she wished the Express News had waited to hear what she had to say. It's hard to do that when you're throwing your boxing rack out there. Before it pulled the endorsement. I pulled a lot more than the endorsement when I was watching it. Good night, everybody. I'll be here. Try the video. Womp, womp, womp. Anyways, we have radiation in our water. This is Stogner talking, but

scantily clad is where the line is drawn, she wrote on Facebook. She's pointing out the hypocrisy. I mean, drinking radiation in your water, but don't show your boobies. Anyways, good for you. Good for you.

Don't take no shit off nobody, Sarah, as somebody once said. I believe it was, anyways, oh, God, I'm reading this again. I can't believe it's almost March already. Boy, Nick, you can't believe it's almost March for a week now. That means I am back on the road next month. You can find all these tour dates and ticket links on my website at DaveChapelle.org No, at NickDip.com

Here's what's on sale currently. March 25th, I'm at Hyena's Comedy Club in Dallas. The next night, the 26th, I'm at Hyena's Comedy Club in Fort Worth. I don't know the difference. April 7th through 9th, comics at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. It's a casino where you pay $40 for a Snickers bar. No, that's one of my favorite gigs. May 6th, Governor's Comedy Club, Levittown, one of my old haunts. May 7th, the Paramount Theater in Peekskill, New York. September 9th, Sol Joltz Comedy Club,

Royersford, Pennsylvania, a great gig. September 10th, Algonquin Theater Club, Royersford, Pennsylvania. A great gig. September 10th, Algonquin Theater in Manasquan, New Jersey. And September 11th, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center in Chester, New York. Again, you can get all the links for tickets at nickdib.com and click on the tour button. Finally tonight, maybe, Judge Afraid to judge. That's what I put up there. You're out of order. You're out of order. The whole trial is out of order. You're out of order. Another great one. The Manhattan judge who kept, boy, this one pissed me off, kept an alleged teen robber behind bars, you believe that? Telling him New York City, and this is his quote, sick and tired of violent youths, had

a change of heart Wednesday. Because you know why? He lives in New York, and eventually the stupidness will get to you, just like L.A. Had a change of heart Wednesday and granted him a $75,000 bail. Acton Supreme Court Justice Steven Antigone told Hunter Robinson, 16, that it wasn't fair that he had become the poster child for the city's crime crisis. Look at this guy, a young Abe Bogota. This case has become the poster child for all, no it hasn't, for all the ills that have come to our city, and that's not fair to you.

And Tagani told the teen during the bail hearing in Manhattan Supreme Court, you need to shut the fuck up. Yeah, you were right the first time, Judge. I bet you his wife scolded him. None of us should be judged on the worst moment of our life. Really? Fucking shouldn't judge Hitler on a couple of big mistakes, you dummy? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White,

onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. Should we not judge Putin on his little mistake? Robinson, young black fella, who has been locked up for nearly two weeks on charges. He took part in a gunpoint robbery of a 15-year-old boy. Was also assaulted in juvie. Maybe that's why. That's what's supposed to happen in juvie. You don't want to go back there.

It didn't feel good, right? The judge asked him. The kid said, what, the anal raping? I was just listening to Schimmel, Robert Schimmel, one of the funniest bastards, the late, great Robert Schimmel, talking about having his colonoscopy. He goes, they give you like a Xanax. Robert, are you feeling anything? Yeah. Okay. Roll over, Robert. We're going to start the procedure. roll over Robert we're going to start the procedure okay

I'm putting it in does it feel does it hurt no you love it don't you yeah don't tell my mom that guy mother of god I miss him aunt Johnny made headlines for his tough stance on

this young black kid robinson and other youngsters allegedly involved in gun crimes last week he refused to spring the team from lockup while lecturing him we're tired new york city's tired in an apparent reference to the trend in teen violence. So why'd you have a change in dirty liberal heart? I think he was right. We got two more, right? Should I bang out the next one? Dallas is like, get me out of here. Finally tonight at Meet the Press, more black behavior.

I don't like that headline. Somebody's very racist. A middle school basketball game in Texas turned into a brawl, and right away my racist mind said, black mother, after a mother punched a seventh grader and went on to attack other kids and the referee, police said.

Oh, my God. No, they're ignorant. Oh, they sure is. They sure is. Referee Greg Ivanovsky tossed a player after she punched another girl during the game. This is the second story I've done in the last couple months with girls attacking each other. By the way, remember the big black chick that knocked out the little white girl?

Punched another girl during the game on Saturday, he told KDF. After the game was over, the player went back to the court to continue the fight, according to police in Murphy. court to continue the fight according to police in murphy things escalated when the ejected girl's mother identified as dominique graham seen here punch the player girl how long do we have to keep pretending they're not the most violent race on the planet and i'm not saying again you always have to say not they're not the most violent race on the planet? And I'm not saying, again, you always have to say, not all, but I know. But I'm saying in general. And they'll come back, what are you talking about? White people, you killed a Indian.

You got a country out of it. You're living in it. Shut it. You get nothing out of it. You suck a punch somebody in a ballgame. Punch the player girl. She punched the player girl her daughter was fighting with in the face. That's not enough.

This isn't going to happen. I'm not going to allow this. Ivanovsky, he was the ref, said to himself, and then out of nowhere, he says, go ahead. He says this. I'm like, this is not going to happen. You're not going to get to them. I'm not going to allow this. And when I'm looking this way, out of nowhere, I get a left hook across the mouth right here. My glasses end up going sideways like this.

Ivanovsky says Graham knocked him backwards. According to Graham's arrest warrant affidavit, Graham went on to yell at other parents when a dad stepped in to protect his family. Police say Graham scratched the man across his face, leaving visible red marks. More parents and kids rushed to help when police say Graham assaulted two other teen players, kicking a 13-year-old in the back and punching a 14-year-old in the face. You're a tough girl, huh? How many of these do we have to do? It's a white man. It's a domestic terrorist.

Oh, it's all about slavery, Nick. They're never, 350 years ago, you can't blame them for this type of behavior. Suck a dick and die. More parents and kids rushed in while Graham allegedly continued to lash out at her. Police say Graham hit three underage players and two adults. She's charged with three counts of injury to a child with

intent to cause bodily injury, two counts of assault. Graham was released on bond on Monday. Miss Dominique, I don't mean to come down hard on you, but I'm tired of it. Like the judge said, we're all tired of it. Whitey's been bending over backwards

for the last 60 years to make it work. You got no fucking interest. Okay, that is the show thought I'd end it on a light note no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I don't know what you're smiling at, watermelon who you talking to? talking to me? before I go for the weekend

I want to thank the people who contribute and make the show possible Anthony Carullo of Rhode Island Kenneth Codillo of Texas, Sean Powell, a buddy in Florida, Mark Correll, Pennsylvania, Ryan Sisters

Box Foster, Oregon, Kit Fortney of Michigan, Tim Hersheed of Ohio, Paul Sagnell at Connecticut, Jonathan Ramey, Arkansas, Brian Boyd, California, Heather Joyce Fenton, Mark Blessing, Jeff Cook, and new monthly supporters, Timmy Hoffman, Dr. Mr. Charlie, Mark Purvis of Florida, and Omar Fernandez, also of Florida, Kurt Grahams of Michigan. And we thank you for contributing, all of you, very much. That is it.

Again, a great week. Thanks to you people. Don't forget to sign up. Patreon.com, thecomicsgym.com, go to nickdip.com, check out my tour dates, buy something, and cameo.com, which is my favorite. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, give them a real zinger.

I'll make a video on my phone. Go to cameo.com, which is my favorite. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, give them a real zinger. I'll make a video on my phone. Go to KMEO.com, click on my profile, and it'll tell you how to do it. That is it for the week, right? Right. You guys think that I will say it? You're very welcome. We'll see you back here on Monday. Have a great weekend, everybody.作詞・作曲・編曲 初音ミク guitar solo Thanks for watching!