The Nick DiPaolo Show - Replay: Joe List | Nick Di Paolo Show #1255a

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

Replay of interview with Joe List: "Fourth of July" now available for download and streaming at www.louisck.com

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Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Oh yeah! How are you folks? Welcome to the Nick DiPaolo Show on a filthy Thursday. State of Georgia. Great show today. Later on, Joe List. Very funny comic from Boston.

He co-wrote a movie with Louis C.K. that I have a part in. It's premiering tonight in New York. That's right, I'll be there. And I'm here right now, I'll tell you. Technology, huh? Those Japanese. Anyways.

Thank you guys for watching. It's been a great week of contributions so far. Thank you all who have donated and who keep this show rolling right along. Please take a moment, go to nickdip.com to contribute. Enjoy the show and have a great 4th of July weekend. That's an order. I can't believe it's the 4th of July.

Oh my God, my wife's birthday is on the 6th. What do I do? I'm going to you, Mr. Savannah. You can tell me. This guy knows where the ghosts are and the bodies and all kinds of slave shoes. Anyways, let's get right to it, I guess. Thin blue line getting thinner. Again, this is New York-based, but so goes New York, so goes most major

cities, and this is the heart of the world, really. More than 100, 100, I say, NYPD detectives have retired in June alone, and another 75 plan to put their papers in next month. Bye-bye. As many become frustrated by revolving door justice and rules that hamstring them and the Big Apple officials and detectives told the New York Post, how'd you like to be out there risking your neck for not much pay, by the way,

and arresting somebody who's dangerous and then you see him collecting his crap the next day, his property, and back out on the streets. And you know what? They take it personally, the criminals. That's why they're criminals. They see you.

Seriously, think about that for a second. Unbelievable. That's going to have a major impact on investigating crimes. Detectives and Dominic Associates and President Paul DiGiacomo said, the detective squads down now as we speak and are investigating more cases. The numbers are way down. It's going to have an impact on public safety, of course, but the Dems don't give a shit.

Danger, Will Robinson. Danger, no Will Robinson. You know why? Because they don't have to deal with it. The Pelosi's of the world, all of them, on both sides, surrounded by security with it. The Pelosi's of the world, all of them on both sides surrounded by security with guns. The left surrounded by guns and want to take yours away and letting scumbags on the streets. It's just all too, it's too obvious. So far this year, listen to this, 250 detectives have retired this year, leaving the total number at about 5,600, which is nearly 2,000 less than 20 years ago.

There were 794 detective retirements during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, and that number dropped down to 395 in 2021. sources said that 100 retirements in just one month is a large number for the NYPD. It's a large number for the goddamn post office. The Post also reported early this month that cops in general were leaving the force in record. So what's funny is they wanted to dismantle the cops. You know, the far left BLM jerk they wanted to dismantle the cops. You know, the far left BLM jerk-offs wanted to dismantle the cops. And

what's fucking hilarious, it's working. Not the way they intended it to do. You know, who's going to risk their neck for that? There's cops who have to go another two years to get a full pension and they're like, fuck that. Because, you know, in that line of duty, two years, a lot can happen to you in two years to get a full pension, and they're like, fuck that. Because, you know, in that line of duty, two years, a lot can happen to you in two years. At his NYPD walkout ceremony

at the 105 Precinct Station House Tuesday, Queens Detective Jason Caputo, 51, said he had had enough. Here he is. Love this job. It's time for me to go. It was very good to me. I just, I'm done. That's all. And I appreciate everything It's time for me to go. It was very good to me. I just, uh, I'm done.

That's all. And I appreciate everything that was done for me. It's funny. He, he struck a nice tone there, but then you read the article. Um, you know, this is what he says, by the way, to know me is to know I love the job. And you do, you have to love this stuff. You don't go, I don't know. I guess I'll try it. To know me is to know I love the job in and out, but it's not the same job I joined, said Caputo, who's leaving after 18 years in the NYPD and thus not getting his maximum pension, which kicks in after 20 years. The no bail law was a big thing with me, he said. It's not even really crime fighting anymore. You arrest somebody for assault too

with a weapon and then the person is back at the precinct getting his property the very next day. I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore. And again, I'll remind you, they don't get paid squat. If anybody should be getting paid a mil a year, a half mil, honestly, they have the only line between us and scumbags.

And you saw when the riots going on, people spitting at them, getting right in their face while de Blasio jerked off watching. I'll never understand the look. They're not locking anyone up anymore, he says, even those with records. He says, pay your debt to society. You broke the law. Caputo said he also worried about making arrests and running into problems with city laws, such as the ones prohibiting officers from putting pressure on a person's diaphragm.

Yeah, let's handcuff them some more. And then they're personally responsible when somebody gets hurt now. Why would you ever want to go into that job? And now you're seeing the results of this type of policy. It's creepy. It's almost like school teachers, you're going to have to jack the pay up. You know what I mean?

Because who's going to want to do that? Things you do on the street, he says, can affect your whole life. You know, like the guy that choked out Eric Garner and things go wrong. And I'll always be a cop in my heart, he says. And I believe it. Yes, sir. Because people have a passion for that.

My buddy Greg Zook would tell me, you know, he got shot at in a goddamn kitchen restaurant. And he was there in the 80s in Miami where the whole Scarface thing was going down. So, but it's New York City. It's the biggest city in the country. And law enforcement's dropping out like flies. That is not a good sign, ladies and gentlemen. That's East Coast stupid. The next story is West Coast stupid, which to me is the best kind of stupid. A trendy Los Angeles county community has voted to reduce law enforcement funding, get this, despite escalating crime

that was up 137% earlier in the year in public backlash. Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren't more people interrogating like me? That was that guy Yang, remember, in the debates? Nick, that's horrible. Horribly funny. The budget for the next two fiscal years, by the way, I lived in West Hollywood.

I didn't know. I lived on a street called Sierra Bonita. And I thought it was Hollywood, but I guess it was less. That's the apartment that Mitch Hedberg wrote a joke about me. He used to play his guitar and he'd have people over

and I'd bang on the wall like the old man that I was. And he wrote a joke about it saying, I can't hope there's no handle on the side. Come around. It was pretty clever, whatever it was. But yeah, that neighborhood, I used to watch drag shows, drag queen shows on the roof of the building at night next to me. One night, me and my wife were in bed.

I lived on the bottom floor in the back of the building so there was an alley right outside my glass doors. One night me and my wife were in bed. We hear smash, glass. It's getting louder. More glass breaking. Things busting. We're like, what? I thought somebody was coming down to kill us down the alley. And it turned out there was a gay couple in a building across from us

having a fight. And the guy was throwing everything out of the fridge and it was landing, it was landing down on my back door. Jaws of mayonnaise, wine bottles, and then there was, you know, some gay magazine, Blue Boy, and shit. Me and my wife, no, we didn't know. We were behind, I hate, we were behind the bed. I didn't know if somebody was coming in. I called the cops. They show up, and then had a good laugh about it. The budget for the next two fiscal years, that's kind of West Hollywood, by the way.

I used to like it. I walked down the street and the gay guys loved me before I looked like this. Next two fiscal years, we leave West Hollywood with up to five fewer Los Angeles County Sheriff's deputies on patrol. Weehooville reported? Weehooville. What is that? The budget was approved by a narrow three to two vote, which amazes me. There were two people who actually had the brains to be against this. Mayor Lauren Meister dissenting. Well, she's the mayor for Christ's sake.

Doesn't she ever say anything? As well as Councilman John Erickson. I don't know how politics at the municipal level works, and I just don't. There's the two people that dissented, which is kind of scary. You've got the ghost of Phyllis Diller and this guy, Boomer Sison's cousin. Fucking Captain Toothbrush Head. Guy's an oral B with a necktie. Fucking Captain Toothbrush Head. Guy's an oral B with a necktie. Most of the residents and businesses I have heard from are opposed to cutting the sheriff's budget.

Exactly. If that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? That's what Mayor Meister says. So you're the mayor. Don't you have a bigger say? Doesn't your opinion hold more weight? Anyway, that's what she told Fox News. They are outraged that people and organizations from outside our city are

dictating to the city council how to run our city. Stop it then. You're the fucking mayor. Stop sticking your head in a cotton candy machine and get something done. The narrative that we can have either sheriff or social services or either sheriffs or unarmed security teams is false.

Over the past few months, residents and business owners have voiced opposition to cutting the police budget amid a crime wave across the country. It's really quite simple. amid a crime wave across the country. It's really quite simple. Mayor Pro Tem Seppi Schein, who I think should be put to death because of her name, Seppi, Seppi Schein,

oh, my aching stem, amended the... If you're as bad at making decisions as your parents were, amended the budgets to reallocate funds for sheriff's deputies to the block-by-block program, which staffs, listen to this, unarmed security ambassadors who provide the city with supplemental

law enforcement services. What is this, England? They're basically social service workers. Yeah, they're going to be a lot of help when a guy with a knife breaks into your you've got to be. It's not going to be long before of help when a guy with a knife breaks into your party. You've got to be. It's not going to be long before you all kill yourself because you're all crazy. Look at Seppi. And you can project it

back on me. Look how happy Seppi is. She's like, I'm fucking off the cops. Erickson said he worries about the trajectory of the plan that was approved and the timeline with which it can be implemented. Oh, God.

You fucking people. That's him, huh? You have no idea how to defend a nation. Community safety is our number one concern, he told Fox News. What I've heard from countless residents about how they want to feel safer, that involves comprehensive planning and something that is not just drawn out over a decision. Well, that's typical West Hollywood. It's kind of scary when this guy is one of the only sane minds in the room when it comes to law enforcement.

But that's West Coast. What can I tell you? Hey, guys, I'll be back in Florida at the Palm Beach Kennel Club on Friday, November 11th. That's Veterans Day, and it's about a week after the midterms, so there'll be plenty to talk about for sure. This will be my second time at this venue, and I did. I had a great time. It's owned by the Roonies, who own the Pittsburgh Steelers. Anyway, you can get tickets now by going to nickdip.com and clicking on Tour. You'll also find links there for my dates in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, in New York this coming September.

As you know, my guest today is Joe List, very funny comedian who co-wrote a movie with Louis C.K. that I am in also that we shot up in upstate New York last summer and had a ball. And here is a trailer of the movie. It's called The Fourth of July. I had this thing again where I thought I ran over a guy. Did you run over a guy?

No. I was on the phone, which I know is bad. I shouldn't have done that. Who were you on the phone with? My mother. You're coming up on what? Two and a half years? Three in November.

Listen, you show up late. I haven't heard from you. You're teetering. Either lean forward, take the next step, or lean back, fall down a flight of stairs. When do I get to that point?

Well, I've been sober about three years. No, I'm talking to the point where I'm speaking in bumper stickers. I'm going to Maine three years. No, I'm talking to the point where I'm speaking in bumper stickers. I'm going to Maine on Tuesday. I'm going alone. I have to go and confront my parents and say all this shit that's been destroying me.

I have to go say it. It's time. All right, sounds good. Going home sober, always tough. The folks will push your buttons. Hell, they can install them. Hey, Needledick. Oh, what's up?

You want to have kale in this bottle tonight, kid? I don't drink kevin. No, no, no, no, no, no. Smell that. How are you and his uncle? You guys look the same age. We were drinking buddies since we were 10 and 12, but he's a quitter. Hey, Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you guys. So talk. Here we are.

I've been grappling with some issues. I wanted to talk about... You. So talk. Here we are. I've been grappling with some issues. I wanted to talk about, you never showed me, like, love. Sorry, hon. What? Play nice, everyone. Oh, yeah. How dare you?

Perhaps if you'd been a better wife. Knock it off. All right, all right, all right, all right. Go, go, go. Don't. You take it too far. Oh, shut up. Who's asking you? What's the family stuff you're going through? What's happening?

They're drunks. They're assholes. Honestly, I can't even believe I'm in this family. Every time you go to Maine, you say you're going to confront your parents. And when you come back, you always tell me that you're having too good a time and you don't want to ruin it. You don't think I'll do it? I hate it here. What kind of people are you? What kind of people are we? Bro, you got to make this right.

I get you working out your thing, but just go say you're sorry. I'm not sorry, Mark. By the grace of heaven, you're in this family. And we know like every chick, you will come home to roost. I'm very excited. My guest today feels like family to me. This guy opened me for a few years. Now he's kicking ass. One of the finest stand-up comics. His latest special was this year's material on YouTube.

It's already got a couple million views. He really has become one of the best comics around. And him and Louis C.K. co-wrote a movie called The Fourth of July, which is premiering tonight. And I'm excited to have him on the show. The Great Joe List. Joey, what is going on, my friend? How are you? On the internet.

Yeah, I got you cut out. Oh, I know. Is there a delay? Is it like you're in Kiev on a building being bombed? The 10-minute delay. Don't you love seeing a little kid being blown up in a bassinet? And then the guy's like... Well, I think it's Zoom.

If two people talk at the same time, it mutes everybody. Okay, well, I'll try not to talk over you. You should take down Springsteen. That guy is an anti-cop jerk-off. Anyways, back to the show. He's my favorite trumpet player. Listen, we're working. Well,

Eddie Vedder's next, Joe. I don't think you're going to like that any better. No, Eddie Vedder's great. I'm learning guitar, Joe. I don't think you're going to like that any better. No, Eddie Vedder's great. I'm learning guitar, Joe. I'm learning guitar, man. Remember I sang you the national anthem? Oh, yeah. We're going to put that in the movie. I know.

I don't know what happened to that. I do. I suggested it. And I'm way better now. I can do the Canadian national anthem. But where was I going? How's it feel, Joe? Seriously, I am very excited for you.

Real quick, I'll give the background how I, you know, because not all my fans know that I met Joe in Boston. You told me it was 14 years ago? Yeah, in fact, we just had an anniversary. It was, no, it must have been more than 14. It was 06. It was end of June 06. It might have been today.

It might have been June 29, 2006. I know. And I got no flowers, nothing from you. Well, you're getting them tomorrow. Last year, we went to Fuddruckers. Remember? We had the snuck in the wine. Yeah, that's 16 years.

I met him. Okay. He opened for me at the Comedy Connection in Boston in Faneuil Hall. And he was funny. I said, this is a good-looking, nerdy kid. The nebbishness. No, seriously. But you were.

You were a handsome nerd. And you had this nebbish way about you, which I liked. It's sort of like a Larry David of your generation. And even I could see that, even through the 20 Heinekens at the time, that there was something there. Joe liked to pound them, man. And anyways, fast forward. He opened for me all over the country. And then I said, I would call Joe on a Tuesday morning at like 10 in the morning.

I'd go, this is when I first met him. And he'd be when he first moved to New York. What are you doing? And what would you say to me, Joe? Do you remember? I don't know. Eating a box of macaroni and cheese. Eating mac and cheese and watching Goodfellas and having a beer.

Watching Goodfellas for like $113. And I go, for the love of God. And I didn't realize how much he liked his sauce. A few times I came off stage. He was passed out onto the stage. I said, we're going to help this kid. But there was always something there that was definitely, I saw it. I'm proud of it now because he's one of the finest stand-ups in the country and um yeah so we went on the road we had a good time right joe you love college football

i always think about appleton when we did appleton they had like an air show in town so every hotel was taken so we had to share the condo which was fucking the hardest I've ever laughed in my life. Oh my god. Yeah, that was when Chris Rock called, texted me and said, you want to go to a Yankees game? And I said, I can't. I'm at the Skyline Comedy Club in Appleton. Him and Jerry were going to a fucking

Yankees game. And I'm watching Joe. Joe ate a box of mac and cheese. It was for like four Haitian families. That's what it said on the back. And he ate it like he fucking inhaled it. No, it was great. We went everywhere together, except for the West Coast, because you wouldn't fly past, I think, Cincinnati. That's right.

That's where I drew the line, Cincinnati. It's funny. You even say Cincinnati. You and I were there when Big Papi hit that home run. Remember when we got back to the hotel? It was a playoff game. It's the one when the guy flipped, Torrey, what's his name, flipped over the wall, and the cop was like this.

Remember, we saw it. We ran back. Yes. Right? I'm sure my fans out in Seattle are enjoying this story. But we, yeah, Cigar Bar in Philadelphia. But here's the one that, remember, I just don't call him this. You and I are in Minneapolis, sunny day, yeah, Cigar Bar in Philadelphia. But here's the one that, remember? I just told Colin this.

You and I are in Minneapolis, sunny day, Saturday, whatever, trying to kill time. There's two of the most butch lesbians walking down the street. We're walking towards them. And tell them what happened. Well, they're walking towards us. We're walking towards them. And then as they walk by, you went, fellas? It's like I fucking lost it.

It's the hardest I've ever lost. I kept walking, and I look back. Joe's like 15 feet behind me, literally holding his gut doubled over. And I thought I was just being nice. I'm not homophobic. I heard they like that. One of my favorite ones, remember in Philly, we went to see, I tell this story all the time.

We're in Philadelphia doing helium. And you looked up, and out and you go hey i heard uh i don't know my wife said something king tut is here and i go with two just fucking idiots and i go oh yeah i'll go see king tut that sounds like something we walk over there we're like oh we'll see king tut it'll kill some time the guy's like tickets and we're like no we want to buy tickets the guy's like this has been sold out for two years you fucking retards we're walking, no, we want to buy tickets. The guy's like, this has been sold out for two years, you fucking retards. We're walking up there like we're going to buy snow cones. We walked

from our hotel, by the way. It was about 111 degrees Kelvin or Fahrenheit. And we were both having heat stroke. Remember? We get all the way up there, all sweaty and shit. The guy almost laughed. I thought I heard King Tut himself giggling in the background. We thought we had to just buy a ticket to like a

Pauly Shore movie. But it gets even better. Remember, Joe? So we turn around and we walk to some friggin' mall, the white one in Philly, and we go in there. Do you remember, Joe? There was a

display of people go in there. Do you remember, Joe? There was a display of people making, not sculptures, whatever, with soup cans. It was a soup can sculpture, yeah. Like a pyramid. That's right. Do you remember? A guy had a skyscraper

made out of Campbell's soup. Of course, we came up with 19 Campbell's soup jokes. We were like, this is better than King Tut. No, it was fucking hilarious. The guy was like, no, you had to get your tickets six months ago or whatever. There was like a line out. There was like 5,000 people in line.

We're just fucking idiots. It's like going up and, you know, it was like walking up thinking we're going to cut in line to see the Pope. You know, fucking, oh, he's here. Get out of the way. But no, it was fun. Dude, we had fucking, Andy Love, here's one of the reasons,

by the way, I'm talking to Joe Lisch, the great comic, and who's the lead, the star in this movie, 4th of July, premiering tonight, as we're shooting this ahead of time, premiering tonight at the Beacon Theater in New York. You've got to be. I am so, you know how I am, and I've shooting this ahead of time, premiering tonight at the Beacon Theater in New York. You've got to be. I am so, you know how I am, man. I've known you a long time, and I burst with, let's be honest, comics are dicks.

Your friends do well. You're like, eh, nice going. You turn around, fuck him. I'm way funnier than him. That's how most of us are, you know? But with Joe, there are certain people you love, Colin Quinn, Attell, who deserve to fucking be famous. That's how I feel about Joe.

I can't believe we'll get to when we went out to Montana and you ordered chicken parm, whoever the fuck it was. I was just telling that story, too. The limo. The guy picked us up in a limo, and you were like, I can't. Like a stretch limo. It was like a 48-passenger limo. And I told him, no. I can't show up in a limo and you were like i can't like a stretch limo it's like it was like a 48 passenger limo and i told him i can't show up in a limo i can't what are we doing a theater it was a theater the guy was a huge fan of yours yes and so we booked like a 17 000 seat theater in great falls

the population the population was less than the capacity of the theater. Was it Wyoming or Montana? I always confuse the two. It was Montana, Great Falls, Montana. Great Falls. You know, right away I knew. I'm like, oh, like at the airport. Remember we're going down the escalator and they have a stuffed beer, you know, standing next to the escalator and shit. I'm like, oh, Jesus.

Fake pheasants hanging in the gift shop. Jesus Christ, what are we walking into here? But I hadn't worked with Joe in a while. Joe, you know, Joe, I said, go, you know, I hadn't worked with you, right? Was that when we kind of reunited after a year or so? Yeah, that sounds right.

And he comes on stage. I was fucking in shock. I mean, you were funny, but you come on stage, your posture was different. You're standing straight up, sober as a judge, with a whole new half hour, I had never heard, of great shit. Oh, thanks. Do you remember that? Yeah, no.

Well, I think I was drinking for a while there. That couldn't have gotten in the way. I remember I tell this story all the time. It was like a valuable lesson when we did that Appleton weekend. I was sitting watching tv yeah and we shared a house i remember looking you were like in the bedroom in like your underwear with two notebooks open listening to a set like i don't know you're transcribing what your writing process was but i was like oh i think that's why he's better than i am well he's like trying can i be can i be honest

you were like working and i was like oh it was like an alarm went off my head i've just been going up and fucking around well let me let me be honest with you first of all i wasn't my underwear i was sketching you i had a hard-on like you wouldn't believe it i was doing a caricature of joe at the no i'll be honest again and i'm not kidding i think that might have been the last time i had a notebook open and i'm not shitting you i still try to listen to my sets but but I can't, I don't, everybody says you have a book in you, Nick, and I believe them. I don't have the discipline that it takes.

I talk to Gutfeld and these guys that write books. I just would rather be watching UFC, which is a horrible thing to say when you're a comedian. No, it's hard. I'm watching tennis all day. I just want to watch sports. Sports are, I shouldn't have said tennis. It's your show.

I should have said hockey. I watched hockey. I'm a big hockey fan. But, you know, the tennis tournaments, the NHL playoffs end. Then the Wimbledon starts. The fucking Red Sox are going. I'm like, I don't want to leave the house ever. But I got to say, you must be putting pen to paper the last

few years because he's got a special on YouTube that just came out called This Year's Material which is, again, you'll see why he's one of the better comics in the country. And it's already got over a million views or whatever in a month. I put you up in 1994.

It's got 1,200 hits. No, honestly. So, I mean, you up in 1994. It's got 1,200 hits. No, honestly. So, I mean, you're prolific. I remember you and I having a conversation. You were like, I just put my last special. I don't know what to do. I don't remember. This was like probably seven years ago already.

You were nervous that you didn't have more material. And you've been pounding them out since. What do you do? No, it's hard. So you forget and then you have to just, it took a long time to accept that like, oh, I'll keep coming up with stuff, I guess. But you know how you mine your like childhood and after a while you're like, I don't have any more stories. I got a story about

fucking mispronouncing a word in fifth grade. It's not hitting. Yeah, I can't stretch that into a seven minute bit. Yeah, no, but like you said, somehow you find a way. And then I saw you, like, on Conan. I couldn't believe how polished. Joe was like me.

We're a jeans guy in a shitty, you know, Metallica T-shirt or a pearl jacket. And then I see him on Conan. He's got, like, this really nice suit on shoes. Right? Used to be barefoot, right? Well, you know the story about my shoes. I did Letterman, which you came to, which meant a lot to me. I tied his necktie, by the way, for Letterman.

That's the kind of connection I have with him. I spent all my money on the suit. I went to J.Crew and got a suit. It was like $1,000. It was like my last $1,000. And I said, I got $100 left for a pair of shoes. And comedians Ryan Hamilton and Gary Gellman, very funny guys, they were like, you can't spend $100 and wear a $1,000 suit.

So they took me out shoe shopping, which was very nice. And you still used flip-flops with the suit. What an asshole. Well, the camera's usually waist up. That's so weird, Joe. When I got my first Letterman, what a time. I sound like Henry Hill. It was a glorious time.

I had no girlfriend, and I had some money. Pipe's tape was a pimple. Pipe's tape was a pimple. Greg Rogel was a middle act. First thing I did, I walked out of some boutique shop in the village. $1,000 suit, $800, $900 suit. The shoes. And I was so excited.

I didn't really have the money at the time. I didn't give a shit. How am I going to go on Letterman wearing a fucking members-only jacket? And so, yeah, I did the same thing. And I see Joe on, like, Conan and stuff. I go, the material is new and polished. And people, let me ask you about the podcast. What is it, Tuesdays with Stories?

Yeah, you got it. Tuesdays with Stories. Yeah. Yeah, it does well. You and Norman, right? Well, how couldn't it? That's two funny MFers right Yeah. Yeah, it does well. You and Norman, right? Well, how couldn't it? That's two funny MFers right there. Oh, thanks.

Can you not swear on this show? I know. What am I doing? What a cunt. That's too much Letterman talk. What a cunt I am. You're right. You know, it's so funny you picked up on that.

Because I'm trying to um we're remarketing repackaging my show and i've been trying to give like a tone down you know uh so i'm the only guy i know the manager's like can you not say cunt 11 times and i'm like well come on i said come on i know how to temper my act uh so yeah he caught me kind of in tv mode. Now you shit in a girl's shoe once. Is this correct? Yes, I did. That's the truth. Dallas, I'm talking to my producer,

he quit drinking one night he shit in a girl's shoe at her apartment. I didn't even quit after that. I kept going. That was like two more years after that. I drank that night. The next night I was like, I might as well keep going.

He drank the baguette. Oh my God. I've never gotten that good but you know comedians you have a relationship with comedians I remember I called like three guys all the comedians I was like I wanted suicidal I was like dude I shit in a girl's shoe I pissed in her rug I fell through her table

and every comedian is like that's fucking hilarious yeah I know I know luckily there's a guy named Colin Quinn who was worse than you as far as drinking. A lot of people wouldn't believe because, you know, Colin, as he is, he's been cleaning Soba for 30-something years. He saved a bunch of people. And Colin used to wake up, he said, on a train like heading to Pennsylvania. Literally.

Right. And he would beat people up. Can you imagine Quinn? Just out of his mind. It's the same with Joe. Joe handled it, you know. But when I got off stage some night,

like we went up to Foxwoods. Was it Foxwoods? Who are the drunks that own the... I love them, by the way. A Comics up in Foxwoods. Remember? I come off and you and like the owner who's a severe, well, he likes to drink.

Him and Joe having like a, you know. It was sponsored by Jack Daniel's honey that night. That Jack Daniel's honey, that's right. We always drink that. It was delicious. Even I liked it. I come off him and the owner have about 11 empty shot glasses in front of them like they're having a contest. I remember when Geraldo, we were at foxwoods right after giraldo died and andy your wife saying you know

i want you to stay don't fucking take pills you fucking idiot and i go i've never taken pills in my life she goes nick told me you did last week and i was like fuck i was like damn it you rat yeah but i i know i said it was Advil PM, I said. I said, Joe's a nervous wreck. He can't sleep, although you don't take that shit with a bottle of wild turkey. I heard it's bad for you. But yeah, Joe pulled an Amber Heard and left a grumpy in some girl's stilettos. A grumpy.

That's my favorite word ever. That's the best. It's the best. Joe, I go online, I see it at the comedy cellar. I hardly do much stand-up, I've got to be honest, because there's no scene down here. And I explain to my listeners all the time, you've got to be working

on your shit every night. It atrophies. It's like a muscle, you don't use it, it atrophies. I'm lucky enough to be able to go off the top of my head after not being on stage for three months. But again, then I listen to it and I go, ooh. That was fucking brutal. But people are laughing. I don't know what I was doing. What I'm trying to say is I drink like Joe used to now.

But are you getting a lot of um from the last special are you people saying you know you seem to have a you told me you're selling tickets right yeah people are coming out now it's like you know there's always in show business you're always looking at the other guy going well he's selling fucking way more tickets but yeah now i'm starting to hit bonuses and go into percentage deal and people are showing up. It's very exciting. And, uh,

you realize how much you were getting fucked before and it's good. No, because that was the first one I had. I hate myself come out during, um, COVID and that's got like 7 million views. And then the new one, this has like a million.

So, and they came out a year and a half apart from each other. So that's, people are finally showing up now. And then Norman has like fully blown up and Sam Murill. And so they, Mark and I do a show together

and Sam will plug my shit all the time. So it's all happening. But you know, in the old days you did, you know, fucking Carson. The next day you were huge. Now you got to do 75 podcasts

and as you used to say, throw your cat in the fire and put it on YouTube. Yeah, exactly. That's what I try to tell my managers. Like, look, we need you to open this show with like three or four, not completely, but kind of clean TV funny minute.

And I said, that's going to grab their attention, really? I got a lady having an abortion at the Walmart fucking frozen food section and her kids are putting it on TikTok. How am I going to compete with that shit, you know? But you know how to do that. Like, what's Mark Norman, like, what's he play? I know he probably sells out clubs in a second.

Is he playing small theaters? I'm afraid to ask at this point. He's doing theaters now. I mean, he did the thing where he's selling out clubs and adding shows and selling all those out. He's too big for clubs now. So now he's doing some theater. I think he's like, he just did the Vic. He did doing the thing where he's selling out clubs and adding shows and selling all those out. He's too big for clubs now. Now he's doing some theater. I think he's like, he just did The Vic. He did two at The Vic.

How big's The Vic? That's in Chicago. I think it's a thousand. Yeah, we're doing The Vic with the movie on Saturday. Very cool. I sold 1,100 tickets in Minneapolis at the Pantages Theater. That was my top.

Of course, I get greedy. I try to go back there 11 nights later. Who would have guessed? I was there with you. I did the Pantages. I remember that. That was a big deal. Remember? We busted over 1,000 tickets. Then we went out with the greatest comedy owner in the world, Lou... What was his name? Reed? No. Lou Lee.

Lou... What was his first Lee his last name's Lee Louis Lee that's his name and remember he bought us steaks and all kinds of crap I was shithoused at that dinner

yes you were I might be throwing up in my gravy what a fucking nightmare let me tell you something I like a chunky bit what's that is that a Colt 45 no it's liquid death fucking nightmare. Let me tell you something. I like a chunky bit. Come on now. What's that? Is that a Colt 45? No, it's liquid death. It's the canned water. Canned?

Liquid death? How old do I sound? No! Why is it called liquid death if it's just the water's from Flint, Michigan? No. It's murder your thirst. It's Murder Your Thirst. That's their campaign.

Oh! They're making water cool. It has a skull on it. Murder Your Thirst. Those commercials are phenomenal. Murder Your Thirst. Joseph Mengele came up with that. Remember for Hitler?

He used to tease the Jews with the Heineken bottles. Anyways. It's good shit. Look at that. Murder Your Thirst. I at that. Murder your thirst. I've heard of white blood. It's great for alcoholics. I feel like I'm back in high school.

No, I was going to say, we're talking to the great Joe List, by the way. It probably feels like you're drinking a tall boy. Oh, I drank like 48 of these during a hockey game. I piss every whistle. Pistle. Which is hard to do in hockey, man. Did you watch the playoffs, by the way?

I watched the whole thing. I loved it. Me too. Nathan McKinnon looks like you're playing a video game and you eat a fucking flower and you become super fast or whatever. Yes. My brother said it. I knew McKinnon looks like you're playing a video game and you eat a fucking, you know, a flour and you become super fast or whatever. Yes. My brother said, I knew McKinnon. I hadn't seen much of him.

They play in the West. My brother goes, watch this guy. It's like a man among boys. He's so fast and light on his skates and whatever. I don't want to bore most people who don't like hockey. They'd rather watch the NBA where teams exchange baskets for three and a half hours before it means anything. Jesus Christ. The other thing me and Joe and why I love to have him on the road with me is college football.

Yes. Fanatic. And Joe had a great quote about, remember we used to discuss, how can people not like college football? And you said, even if you just like sports, I don't understand. Remember you said how you wouldn't think college football was unbelievable. Yeah it's the best college football is the best i mean the band the women the the play i mean everything i always say everything that's different from college to nfl is better in college the hash marks being further apart one foot in bounds i mean they used to have the two-point conversion all that shit the NFL eventually adapted, but all that stuff is better.

The pass interference rules are better. It's just better. It is. It's like, why don't you keep the rules consistent? They're going to go to the NFL. The only problem when I watch college football, I spend half the time trying to pause when the cheerleaders don't cartwheel. I spend like 20 minutes and look down.

It's 4-0. Dallas, who's your team? Auburn Tigers. Wait, did you go to Auburn? No. My producer went to Auburn. War Eagle. War Eagle. War Damn Eagle.

War Damn Eagle? Really? The other rule I hate in the NFL that is better in college is you have to be touched down in the NFL. To me, in football, if you slip and fall on the ground, you're down. In the NFL, you can just crawl up the field. Oh, I like that. See, no, I like being able to get up and run.

No, I like it. I mean, the quarterback backpedals and just fucking falls on his ass, and he gets to get up and throw it downfield. Yes, nobody touched him. No, you can't fall down. What are you, my fucking mother, going down the steps? It's a wet field. I'm trying to cover a guy who runs a 4-1-40.

Yes, people are going to fall down. I like that. I played both. I played the NFL. I was with the Eagles for about six months. Remember, Joe? Of course. By the way, War Eagle is my mother's screen name now.

I have no idea what the fuck that means, but it seemed kind of funny. I guess that's about it, Joe. I can't wait to see you tonight. I'm pumped. To see you tonight at the event. Real quick, the rules, plus one, like I'm bringing Andy, but she has to get a ticket at Will Call. You just had me laughing on that group text when you said,

my wife's in the movie, but I don't have her as a plus one. No. So, yeah, Andy finds her way to her seat, and then you'll meet her in there. But what are we doing before? We're taking pictures, and I'm walking the red carpet. I got a nice Donna Karan number, something off the shoulder. Yeah, I think we just hang out in the back and stay close, because some of these cast members, they're not exactly good hangs.

So we got to buddy up. What do you think? I'm going to wander over with? They're all very nice, for a Cortland Jones. She hates me for some reason. No, I think she's flirting. Boy, she, you know what? Jesus. She, he's right. Maybe it's like a, I mean, I'm fucking grade school thing. Yes. But I, you know what I mean? It's when you flirt in grade school, her equivalent of flirting is like kicking a kid in the balls. She's really, she texted me last night and goes, you're the fucking worst.

With no emoji or nothing. I go, why am I the fucking worst? We're like, but you know what? We threw a Nerf football around for about an hour. I'm throwing as hard as I can, darts at her. She's catching me like she was like frigging Mark Bavaro. I've never seen anything like it. I'll stick near you. Who's the guy, by the way, that played

your dad? Robert Walsh. Robert Walsh. I couldn't remember Robert's first name. I know Dart. I know Paula, right? The mother? Tara, Paula. Tara Cortland.

Tony V. What's Murph's first name? You call him Murph. His name's Chris Walsh. Walsh. I always... God damn it. I'm so sorry, Murph. I mean, Walsh. You had me crying. You're like, hey, Murph. I was on the floor. It's so

stereotypical. It's like, you know, an Italian guy. Hey, how you doing? Anyways, yeah. So anyways, Chris Walsh, who can tell a story in like two seconds flat. It's amazing. Yeah, that's it, I guess. Thank you so much for doing this. Yeah, thank you.

We'll break this into 11 parts. Give the fans about a minute and a half each day. I can't wait, Joe. I can't wait either. It's going to be fun. I just went on the website. It says 2,800 and something seats. Oh, I don't know.

Maybe we had to kill some seats for the cameras. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was going to say. How much? So do you know how many tickets have been sold or whatever? Do you know how many tickets have been sold? I think I believe the last update it was like we've sold

1826 out of 1990. Something like that. You'll sell them all probably. It's going to be fun. It's going to be weird. It's going to be weird if people hate the movie because we'll watch it with a thousand people that hate it, but I think they'll like it. Please. They know we're there.

They fake it. I've done a few of these, like in Sweeney's movies. Every time it didn't get a laugh, I'd stand up and go. Are you excited to see yourself? Have you ever seen yourself on a big screen? No, no. I mean, I've seen this movie 40 times as we edited it together, but not on the big screen.

No, I've never seen it on the big screen. I'm very excited. It'll be fun. It's going to be a great time. I'm looking forward to it. I am, too. And then we'll get with Joe rented a canoe. We're going to go up the Hudson to Boston, right, the next day?

A sprinter van. A sprinter van. It's going to be so fun. That's why I'm almost jealous. Joe's like, yeah, me and Louie will cover it. What kind of money is this kid making? Joe, thanks a lot man I'm one of my favorite people in comedy

and I will see you yeah we'll have a ball tomorrow night I can't wait love you Joe alright that is it before I go for the week I want to thank the people who contribute to the show financially it keeps us alive

Paul Tazi I'm seeing new names Paul Tazi how's'm seeing new names. Paul Tazi. How's that for a great Italian name? New Jersey, of course. John Melton. Sicily.

Steve Stanley. Scott Brown. I wonder if it's the politician. Joseph Safar. Joseph Hirsch. Marcos Mazzari. Douglas Young. Matthew J. Spencer.

Thank you guys so much for contributing and that's it for the week I can't believe it, that is it for the weekend I'm going to have a ball with Louis C.K., Joe Liss and my buddies and everybody in that movie hope you guys have a great I want to say 4th of July weekend

yeah, 4th of July weekend? Yeah. Yeah? 4th of July weekend. Oh, my God. We're almost to football season already. Don't forget to contribute to Patreon. This is important. Thecomicsgym.com. Go to nickdip.com.

Don't forget cameo.com if you want me to roast somebody. And shoutout.fans. It's forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast somebody and a shout out dot fans, it's a cameo thing. More patriotic. I can say hi, whatever you want. Uh, that is it, right? You guys think, and I'll say you're very welcome. I will see you back here next week. Again, have a great weekend, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo We'll be right back. Bet the total, spreads, player props, and more. Plus, with award-winning customer service,

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