The Nick DiPaolo Show - Replay: Owen Benjamin 2019 | Nick Di Paolo Show #656c
Episode Date: January 26, 2022A replay of the 2019 interview with Owen Benjamin....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
In 2022, nearly everything you see and hear is filtered.
Social media companies are deleting ideas they disagree with.
The mainstream media is reporting only what fits their agenda.
And our so-called leaders are using them both to fight personal battles,
oftentimes leveraging your livelihood and safety in the process.
Just like you, I've had enough, and that's why I created this show.
Here you get unfiltered and unapologetic content.
I don't care if I hurt your feelings or if I take a position that isn't popular.
I call them like I see them.
I'd like to ask you to do two things to keep this show going.
First, please share it with two people today.
Let's show them what brutal honesty looks and sounds like.
And second, please go to nickdip.com and make a contribution so we can keep this show going.
Or even better, subscribe at the Comics Gym or on Patreon today
and get an extra encore show each day,
discounts on merchandise, and more for being a monthly subscriber.
Thank you guys so much for watching, sharing, and contributing to the best show around.
You guys make it happen.
Thanks so much. Hey, welcome to the show on a Monday.
How are you, folks?
I feel good.
On a Monday.
How are you, folks?
I feel good.
Let's get to a little bit of political shit before we bring Owen in in a few.
Trump defends immigration proposal against amnesty criticism from conservatives. Trump early Sunday sought to sell his new immigration proposal, which includes funding for a wall along the southern border and extended protection for certain immigrant groups,
Amish, Polish and Irish, amid pushback from Democrats and hardline conservatives and a series of tweets.
Trump chastised Democrats for dismissing his plan and attempted to assuage immigration hardliners
who liken the administration's latest proposal to amnesty for immigrants already in the country.
He can't win. He can't win with the goddamn hardcore conservatives
and the Republican Party.
And of course, every Democrat has done everything they could
to fuck up his life since he took over.
Here is his new proposal.
Our plan includes the following.
Read faster, please, Mr. Trump.
$800 million in urgent
humanitarian assistance. $805 million for drug detection technology to help
secure our ports of entry. Ports of entry. He's got a coke problem. We know that. An additional 2,750 border agents and law enforcement professionals.
75 new immigration judge teams to reduce the court backlog of, believe it or not, almost 900,000 cases.
However, the whole concept of having lengthy trials for anyone who sets one foot in our country unlawfully must be changed by Congress.
It is unsustainable. It is ridiculous.
Few places in the world would even consider such an impossible nightmare.
Our plan includes critical measures to protect migrant children from
exploitation and abuse. This includes a new system to allow Central American minors to apply for
asylum in their home countries and reform to promote family reunification for unaccompanied children, thousands of whom wind up on our
border doorstep. To physically secure our border, the plan includes $5.7 billion for a strategic
deployment of physical barriers or a wall. This is not a 2,000 mile concrete structure from sea to sea
why not why not these are steel barriers in high priority locations because more
than four words at a time we can handle it mr. Trump but everybody's screaming
you know but how about the 11 to 20 million illegals already here
we're going to leave them
and he's still be considered
an asshole by the left
and in other tweets
Trump singled out
the leather nippled crazy bitch
from San Francisco
Nancy Pelosi
calling her a radical Democrat
blaming her for the condition
of the streets of San Francisco
which is in her congressional district
I've been doing that
since the show started.
I'd like to play there, but I don't want to get Hep C stepping on a fucking nail on the way to the fucking yuck yuck hut.
Trump called on Pelosi and Democrats to do the right thing for the country and allow people to go back to work.
And naturally, this was the response from the Democrats.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no not this fucking time no fucking way no fucking way no
fucking way no fucking way you may no no no no pelosi called trump's proposal a non-starter
do you really think this dumb broad is going to fucking outdo the greatest
businessman, the guy who wrote the art of the deal? I don't. She's on home turf being in D.C.
her whole life, but we're in this mess because of her. She hasn't done anything for the last 50 years.
Do you really think he's going to lose this? Sorry, I don't think he is. Yeah, Brady's going to lose
the Super Bowl. Please. So she said it's a non-starter
before Trump even
unveiled the details. And media reports
that would include a wall funding and protections for
Dreamers. He's given protections to Dreamers
and to temporary protected status
TPS recipients. The deal
would also reopen
swaths of the government that have been
closed since late December.
And thank God for that, because I wanted to get to the Smithsonian and see Lincoln's hat.
Oh, what a fucking scam.
You left-wing jerk-offs are buying this stuff.
A number of Republicans were quick to praise the proposal.
Mitch McConnell, even without his chin, said he'd bring it up for a vote this week.
Democratic leaders and rank and file members
were just as quick to criticize Trump's plan,
calling it a non-starter,
because that's what they were told to say
by the New York Times, NBC, CBS, ABC,
wherever they get their talking points.
They said more hostage-taking and non-serious.
That would be your position, non-serious.
The president's announcement also drew backlash from conservatives, including Ann Coulter. God bless her. She's not going to be
happy unless there's a concrete barrier 150 feet high for 4,000 miles into the ocean,
and I don't blame her. Fuck it. Mike Pence also pushed back against conservatives who liken
Trump's plan to amnesty.
He said, this is not amnesty.
This is Pence talking, the wax museum guy.
There's no pathway to citizenship.
There's no permanent status here at all, which is what amnesty contemplates.
And it doesn't matter what he does.
I mean, he's protecting Dak.
He's giving people protection.
People whose green cards are up and shit.
That's not enough.
So fuck you.
I don't care if there's nobody at the TSA.
I love how they keep bringing that point up.
Ooh, the TSA, their workout, you know, they're walking out of work.
It's up to 10%.
Yeah, nobody notices.
I'd say it's safer if you fired them all, hired all the fucking McDonald's, Wendy's, and Arby's workers.
It's the same quality of people.
Don't forget the TSA.
I don't want to, you know, mimic, I don't want to shit on too bad, but we know it's kabuki theater.
Every couple of years, the federal government, the FBI, whoever tries to sneak guns in as a test,
you know what the success rate was last time? 98%.
98% of the fake guns they get through.
So it's hardly a crisis if they don't show up for work. No offense. All due respect.
833-599-NICK. 833-599-6425 is the phone number. He's trying.
He's trying.
And then you got the... Super chat already?
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Let it fly, fella.
All right.
We got CM Cross 1 saying,
we can handle more than four words at a time,
but don't forget the dims.
I think they have trouble with that.
What do you think?
That might be a good point.
Maybe he's slowing it down for the people who vote Democrat
who are severely retarded.
Nick, why would you do that?
You're going to alienate half your comedy audience.
I don't give a fuck.
I was always for the truth anyways.
So you're going to cut my crowds down from 200 to 100?
Ooh, hope I can afford bologna and dog food.
I don't give a shit.
That might be a good point.
They are that severely retarded.
don't give a shit. That might be a good point. They are that severely retarded. And I'm going to bring up a few stories later on that prove just how crooked. I'm sure you all heard about the
Covington High School, Catholic school kids, high school kids who were set upon by some old Native
American Vietnam vet who's a political activist. and he's been busted before for doing this.
He set upon them, but somebody once again filmed it.
Can I give you a tip out there?
When you see whether it's a fight at a McDonald's or whatever,
and the white people suppose they're in the wrong,
the first thing you should say is, wait a minute,
what happened before the white people started doing wrong in this video?
Because it looks like they're not doing anything wrong we had a couple cases of that miss confy's
coming up holy shit wow uh that's what you should ask yourself what happened before somebody turned
the phone on because most of the times people don't turn the phone on to some shit goes down
but we'll debunk what the left did. They went wild.
Celebrities weighed in.
It was just a fucking sickening and a glaring case, once again, of left-wing fascist fucking media bias.
Only, you know, now it's the internet.
So they're getting a hold of that.
But even some people on the left said to Pelosi, you should agree with this deal.
Even the Washington Post said that Trump was being fair. And Mitt Romney, who I thought I liked,
he actually said that Trump's dealing in good faith and that the Dems should go along with
this deal. So that made me think twice if romney likes it
i told you right we broadcast live we stream on youtube and facebook today
we'll do it live yeah we will we'll do it live it do it live i can i'll write it and we'll do it live yeah why should any david be? I want all of you to enjoy your cake.
So, enjoy.
Anyhow, the point is,
I don't believe in a million years that Pelosi is going to outsmart Trump
in a deal.
I just don't.
Just the way I knew Tom Brady was going to rally.
Two minutes left, three timeouts.
It might have been a month and a half.
He was like yawning on the bench.
Anyhow, get that call up there, Ryan.
Let's go.
Move it, move it, move it.
I don't want to go into a new subject
because we get Owen Benjamin in a few minutes.
Tell him to call in early if you want.
Send him a note.
I got some good ones, though.
Basketball team quits the MLK tourney.
This is a high school team after their fans flaunt a Trump flag.
Oh, my God.
A bunch of white high schoolers brought a Trump flag to a basketball game
against an all-black team.
So now that's a faux pas.
I haven't got, Caitlin, i haven't got to the catholic school thing yet so just hold on the line a minute i'm caught in between let's play a
fucking video hey uh jason the other half of the trump thing. What's that, buddy? We have more of the Trump. Oh, go ahead. In order to build the trust and goodwill necessary to begin real immigration reform, there are two more elements to my plan.
Number one is three years of legislative relief for 700,000 DACA recipients brought here unlawfully by their parents at a young age many years ago.
This extension will give them access to work permits, social security numbers,
and protection from deportation, most importantly.
Secondly, our proposal provides a three-year extension of temporary protected status.
This means that 300,000 immigrants whose protected status is facing expiration
will now have three more years of certainty so that Congress can work on a larger immigration deal,
which everybody wants, Republicans and Democrats.
Well, that's a lie.
Not everybody wants it.
It would be done by now.
Pelosi doesn't want it.
All the fucking childlike jerk-offs,
like Adam Schiff, who've been out to get you,
the former Obama administration people,
they're not for any of this shit, Mr. Trump.
They want you out, out, out out doesn't matter what you
propose so he took this on remember he said when he had that meeting with chuck schumer and nancy
and the uh oval office or whatever the left wing right wing uh and he said i will gladly carry the
mantle of the shutdown well he owns it and i still think he's going to fucking win on it.
But another part of me, if I was Trump, I'd go, okay, you know what?
Fuck it.
I'm open to the government.
No deal.
And I don't want to hear the next time your kid's OD on fucking heroin.
I don't want to hear about the next time one of your kids is killed by a drunk driver from Honduras who's been in the country six minutes. I don't want to hear about rapes and sex abuse at the border, okay? I'm going to leave it as is.
Wouldn't that be, that's what I'd do. I'd fucking lose my shit. He is mentally the toughest bastard
I think that's ever sat in the, the slings and arrows that this guy has taken since he's taken over
is just unbelievable. But that sounds like a fair deal. I don't care if you're a Trump fan or not.
I mean, there's some, a lot of, most of that shit Democrats already voted for in the past.
It's just more proof that they, they dig. If they let him win on this, there's a chance. This is
all about 2020. You know that.
So, ooh, Kamala Harris announced she's going to run.
That's a wet dream for Democrats because she hates men and white people.
You can't get better than that.
Come on, Ryan.
Get that fucking next caller up.
What are you doing?
Trying to pick them up?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Get a name.
Get a subject.
Jason, grab that headset.
Ryan's getting upset.
Ah.
I got four minutes.
I can't. Yeah.
I can't, yeah.
Let's talk about Owen Benjamin, my friend.
He should be on my line in a few, correct?
Should be calling him by now, right?
Okay.
It can be on air.
It's the beauty of the show, Ryan.
You can say whatever.
We, oh, I'm getting chest pains.
Is that a bad sign?
I've had about 11 cigarettes and I'd say six cups of coffee.
I don't know what's happening to me.
I'm turning to the people I used to make fun of.
I was sitting on this fucking sidewalk
outside of a comedy club
and there was a lady across the street.
It was like 10 degrees.
She's sitting on her steps
and she's lighting up a cigarette
and I go, look at this douchebag freezing's lighting up a cigarette and i go look at this
douchebag freezing herself to smoke a cigarette as i was saying that i was reaching into my pocket
for a cigarette that's how i know i'm still new at this i forgot i was a smoker for a few seconds
uh let me take kyle real quick uh line two kyle we're off subject but go ahead i'll let you go
real quick hey nick apollo how are you good let's go let's go i'm I'll let you go real quick. Hey, Nick DiPaolo. How are you?
Good.
Let's go.
Let's go.
I'm going to hurry.
Let's go.
What?
I got callers.
I got a guest calling in.
Slow down, Neil Sadaka's angry nephew.
All right.
Well, then take me after, bud.
No, I'm taking you now.
Make your point, shithead.
Bye-bye.
Nice try.
Jesus Christ. Hi, how are you you I just said on the air I fucking I'm crunch for time here you don't start with hi how are you call back Kyle I took you anyways even though
we were off topic ah let's go to Caitlin she's's going to talk about. What's that, buddy?
You got him?
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, joining us right now.
Brian.
Yeah, we good?
Okay.
Buddy, one of the funniest out there.
Brilliantly smart.
Controversial.
You know, he's on the right side of the fight.
They chased him to Washington State.
He's got a new special out that he shot in Vegas conspiracy queries and he's a he's a real funny can we play a clip of the from a special
Jason before I bring a buddy Owen on One thing that I noticed happened to me is ever since having children, I stopped watching
pornography because I read that it's really bad for your brain.
It's just, you know, and I felt like it makes you kind of narcissistic and being on the
road a lot.
I have a lot of free time.
And also I just feel weird with kids in the house looking at porn.
It just makes it way too real.
Like if you're looking at porn, you're like, there's literally children in the home right
now.
Like I just read Hungry Caterpillar and now I'm looking at a different Hungry Caterpillar.
Hungry Caterpillar.
Why the music over the clip?
Can we pull up Owen, please, fellas?
Yes, handsome son of a bitch.
What's up?
How are you, man? man hey first of all let me
congratulate i know you had a baby this summer yeah we just had a second we got a two and a
half year old and then a little guy charlie yeah we're out we're making life i'm making life with
my ween well you're not jerking off anymore from that clip, I guess. This is going to change everything. So Charlie is the new baby.
Yeah, Charlie and Walter, yeah.
I don't want to say anything, but that
sounds like two old men, Charlie and Walter.
I know. I was like so
inundated by all the
new age names like
this is Clementine.
He's a boy, you know, and I'm like, Walter!
I wanted to go Wolfgang, but Amy was like, yeah, like Wolfgang.
That's a great name.
Yeah, the next one I think might be Wolfgang.
It's just so strong.
Yeah, I'm glad you didn't go with Josh.
And those are all, like you said, the newfangled ones.
Joe Mattarese had a kid a few years ago.
Joe Mattarese. Yeah. And I i said he does a bit about it i said you have to name his name him rocco
rocco madder reese is that not powerful is that not a heavyweight champion from the fucking 50s or
it's he could be he could be three feet tall and 500 pounds i I'm like, I'm not fighting Rocco Mattarese. Is that not the best?
And his wife made him go with the, oh, shit.
It was something worse than Joshua.
Yeah, Rocco in Italian.
There was a quarterback in Utica when I was playing in high school.
His name was Rocco Corigliano.
And I'll always remember it.
Just I played him one time and I was like, that is a great name.
There's a guy now, I think, at Michigan
State, Rocco Lombardi.
Perfect. Rocky Lombardi,
blonde hair, blue eyes, by the way.
Anyways, congratulations. Thank you very
much. To you and the wife.
You show up to special in
Vegas. Why'd you pick Vegas?
Well, it was the last stop on the
tour, and it just kind of made sense
and um we were doing this whole tour and every city we were in we're kind of looking into what
the conspiracy theory was in the city like denver with the satan horse and new mexico with aliens
and stuff and we started uh looking into all this stuff and then by the end we just went we did vegas
and then we went we just had all this material.
And I didn't name it till after I started editing it.
And I'm like, you know, because everyone says conspiracy theories.
It's like, what about queries?
What's wrong with just like asking what's up?
You know, it's like white supremacists.
What about white enthusiasts?
You know, it's like, I think my dad taught how to do this.
Like, this is all rhetoric.
Like, this word play. And so I'm like, yeah, we can all play ball, man. I can make up taught how to do this. Like, this is all rhetoric. Like, this word play.
Yes.
And so I'm like, yeah, we can all play ball, man.
I can make up fake words.
Come on.
Like, cisgendered heteronormative behavior.
Like, buddy, we can all play the game.
I'm a white enthusiast.
So now you're going to spend three months figuring that one out.
You know, it's hilarious.
Well, now the Vegas, the conspiracy conspiracy there are you basing it like
on the shooting well i talked about that one of the whole things was like how people just
stop asking questions for some reason like they're almost like traumatized i'm like
oh yeah i mean a guy pulled off 500 rounds you know top six fours owned by a saudi prince you
know girlfriend cruises to philippines no motivation yeah you know, girlfriend cruises to Philippines. No motivation. Yeah.
You know, it's best just we walk away from this one.
So what did Trump tweet today?
And the more and the more you like show that to people, it's like the world is full of
actual like our our country was founded on a conspiracy.
But yet we won't, which I'm glad we did, obviously.
But it's like, you know, a bunch of dudes got together and overthrew the British government
with a secret plan. It's like that's our whole history what was the conspiracy though
of the of the shooting no of uh the conspiracy isn't bad i mean it just means a secret like
secret knowledge like a plan oh yeah i wish my age i wish my agent had one. I wouldn't be sitting in my fucking basement talking to you.
That's hilarious.
So you have a whole theme to the tour.
And see, I don't tie it all in.
I do my sets every week.
And I go, this seems like a good hour.
I put it together.
And I landed at Cohoes Hall in Cohoes, New York.
But I go against the grain.
I'm going to call it a breath of fresh air so that's
great no you're you're one of my favorite comics dude you're you're still holding uh holding the
torch in a in a in a industry where it's just insane the the kneeling that you watch yeah and
like and I was also touring with my openers one of my best friends but he's black but in black
I know I'm not happy about it either but it's like they have a whole different set of
conspiracies and that was a whole theme we had where you know i was talking about the vegas
shooting it's like yeah i don't really listen to country music and it's not really my genre and i
laughed and then later he was talking about um uh katrina and they're like yeah people heard
explosions like they flooded neighborhoods i'm like not really my genre buddy but i'm sure it
was a good decision if someone had to do that you know and we're talking about how you know and how the reason
that black people all vote for uh vote for a democrat is is i don't want to say the word on
here but but he was like everybody knows hillary kills and then the hard end yeah and then you
realize that she's almost like the the suge knight of politics where it's and she even
dresses like suge knight and it's not that black people like democrats they're like oh dude she'll
cut you we gotta you know that's right that's that's so funny to me like it's a whole different
way of looking at it where it's like they're just respecting the the body count on that lady
yeah you're exactly and they think the same about about Pelosi being a badass. And Pelosi is like should night, too, because I heard a story.
She held Ocasio-Cortez, dangled her off a balcony of a hotel.
Really? Yeah. Was it for meth money?
Yeah. Made her sign a thing saying that she wouldn't, you know, take over the House speaker.
I believe that. I mean, and Cortez looks like a meth. She's all methed out. She's cranked.
She you know, she she keeps saying she's from the Bronx or whatever the fuck.
She grew up the town that touches my town, which is literally the whitest town in the nation
she's westchester county she's so full of shit oh well they all they all are but she's almost like
she's so awful that she almost is pulling what trump pulled on at which she's almost like
tricking conservatives into spiraling and promoting her it's kind of yes she's kind of
yeah she's like she's because i you know you turn on like daily wire and stuff it's like i mean really
cortez and then she responds and then all her fans are like yeah take down evil ben shapiro and i'm
like she might know what she's doing she's pulling a trump you know trump would be like i'll build a
wall to the moon and their laugh would be like what is'll build a wall to the moon. And their left would be like, what is this?
And the right's just like, I mean, I know that's crazy, but I mean, that'd be awesome though, right?
That's a great theory.
And she would be as famous as Trump if the media was one-tenth conservative as it is, you know, liberal.
Oh, I mean, the media is so off the off the chains man it's like that that whole
like uh catholic kid thing that just came out i was gonna ask you about that next what's your
take on that well my take is i don't even know why people think it's an accident like i was
listening like scott adams he's like i'm sorry i mean i guess cnn misreported it's like misreported
i know they still don't get it they don't't get it. They're always like, they didn't do their due diligence,
but I'm like,
dude,
it's,
it's literally CIA mind stuff.
Yes.
And that,
and people are like,
you're a conspiracy theorist.
I'm like,
ah,
operation mockingbird.
What's your source?
CIA.gov.
It's like they get talking points to tell you.
And the thing that makes it extra tricky is sometimes
it's true it doesn't matter if it's true or false they're pushing a narrative for a very specific
reason and people just are like well i mean the reporting could have used some work they might
have a bias i'm like they don't have a political bias they have a power bias right they'd like
trump like that if it fit their narrative like. People don't understand the nature of evil.
It's psychotic.
But here's the thing.
The right seems to be on to this.
We know their tricks now, yet we still don't know how to.
We can point them out.
Like the race thing for the last 50.
We can point them out, but we don't have an answer for the race thing.
You're a bigot.
Like you said, you have to fight fire with fire.
Stop calling them bigots and racists.
But they still have 99 of the 100 blowhorns.
They have, you know, the paper.
You got to grow a mustache, which I just did.
And then, no, but the whole game,
like calling them a bigot doesn't work at all.
It's all about what they value.
Like when I was a heckler at a Renaissance fair in high school,
like I learned that the best way to just humiliate,
I'm sure you know this because you're just Italian and aggressive and hilarious.
But like you go after what someone has pride in, you know?
So if they go, you're a racist, you're a bigot, you know,
it's all this stuff they say to us.
And the right is so based in fairness that we're like, no,
the fastest black guy's captain
like no don't you know they don't think like that so if we call them bigot racist home fall they're
like no we we save the blacks like you gotta the lack of shame and lack of like don't ever apologize
when you're not sorry like that's the stuff that kills them and just start your own thing you know
that's why i think sometimes people get so pissed about Jews
is because they're jealous of the game plan.
Oh, Christ, yeah.
I've been saying that forever.
Dude, it's like you, they're like, yeah, I mean,
they're only shopping at Jewish delis.
I'm like, smart.
They're like, Israel.
I'm like, I want an Israel.
You know, it's like, yeah, instead of kosher, call it brochure
and just hook up your buddies.
Like, that works. I lose it. I it brochure and just hook up your buddies. Like that's that works.
I lose it.
I get too emotional.
I get an argument.
I always say, you motherless fuck.
And that doesn't even bother them.
That's how shameless they are.
No, no.
They're like, yeah, I have two fathers.
And exactly what's wrong with that, Nick?
Well, yeah, because the things that we value, they don't value.
So we call them hypocrite.
We call that whatever.
Right.
They're like, like yeah you know
my truth is i'm a unicorn like it doesn't work and i'm watching all these smart conservatives just
sometimes i'm like are they part of this or i know i see this yeah i am on the same page man
even the smart that's then sometimes i go we're always chasing them whether it's trying to bust
hillary i mean everybody's held accountable on the right, but like nobody's holding Hillary.
And I go, are they just is it that the the legal system is, you know, 90 percent Democrats, the judges, everything?
Why are we always chasing them?
Are they just smarter than us?
It's culture.
It's because, well, A, it's almost like in Vietnam, like as much as as crazy as we were in vietnam
they were way more ruthless like and it's like the man in the black pajamas can take down the
biggest army in the world if they're just it's right you have there no yeah no but all those
like little vietnam guys you know they had like a knife and like bamboo and they're winning and
people are like how they're like because they'll literally kill a baby
to like make a point well so are democrats that's what i mean like they don't but see the problem is
they have no friends they eat each other because they're all just sick animals but it's like
they don't have any morality so that sets them free to acquire power but then once they get it
they eat themselves it's a cycle as old as time. I hope that's true, that the Dems eat each other. If that's going to be the case,
I'd like to see Alyssa Milano versus Charlize Theron. If they're going to eat each other.
If any right-wing people take any of these things seriously anymore after like,
CNN literally will report, they're like, we have absolute proof that donald trump set a hard end and then killed
a trans person and then you know and everyone's like he will be impeached by morning and then
they're like yeah no we don't have any of it but it's and people are just like oh we'll get him
next time and i'm like dude if you're on board that you're just you're kind of dead weight like
yuri bezman off you ever watch those videos that kgb guy no oh dude dude you're kind of dead weight. Like Yuri Bezmenov, you ever watch those videos? That KGB guy?
Oh, dude, dude, you're going to love this. What's the guy's name?
Yuri Bezmenov.
It's early 1980s.
It's this like legend, this KGB Russian who defected to America, told us the entire game
plan for two hours.
All of it happened.
And it makes perfect sense.
He's like, we make you hate yourself we
make movies and he's like it is not a 007 it is we make movies where we depict your president as
sodomite but proud and bev like he's like talking about subverting a nation he's like so he's like
are you saying and the democrats are following that game plan? Yeah, and he was laughing.
To a T.
Oh, yeah.
He's like, we go for the academics, people with ego, people with influence, people.
We give them vodka.
We drink water.
We give them caviar.
We say, you are so smart.
And then they tell everybody to go towards the left.
And then when we get power, we dispose them.
Because what person would turn on their own
nation those are definitely value like that's the thing they hate leftists but do we do we do we need
the russians don't we do that ourselves well that's what i mean they were planting some of
these seeds that are just still going it's like they did like so much of the hippie movement was
by design yuri was in india he was like, I was convincing men to do yoga,
smoke hashish,
be open-minded.
Like that was their game plan.
Because if you're open-minded,
yeah.
Dude,
because he was like,
we want people to not know who they are or what they are.
Cause then they just come in.
Cause it's the males that protect women and children.
The women,
if women don't have alpha males,
they'll go with anybody with strength.
And that's what everyone's trying to do now
is they're making every dude
like Pete Holmes in yoga pants.
And everybody's like,
you know, me too.
And so women's nature
is to be like,
okay, well, I'm now wicked vulnerable.
That crazy caliphate now
sounds like a good idea. It's like, it's crazy. Yeah, they wicked vulnerable. That crazy caliphate now sounds like a good idea.
It's like, it's crazy.
Yeah, they either run to the crazy caliphate
or they start dating Terrell Suggs.
That's where the plan is working beautifully.
Let me ask you,
because we're talking to the great Owen Benjamin,
because I know you've got in trouble,
because you're a smart, controversial guy.
You don't do it intentionally.
You call things as they seem.
I wanted to get your take on Louis C.K.'s comeback and just wear this.
I'm not failing.
And everybody's like, comedy's dead.
I've been doing this 30-something years.
Luckily, I chose a side 25 years ago.
So finally, after 30 years, it took me one seat at a time.
But when the people come out to see me, they know what's coming. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sure that's, it took me one seat at a time. But when the people
come out to see me,
they know what's coming.
And I'm sure that's going to get...
Comey's not dead.
No.
I mean, dude,
I'm selling more tickets
than I ever have.
And they didn't mention me
in that article.
Yeah.
Comey's so not dead,
it's laughable.
What's dead is being able
to get booked
in a lot of these places.
Like, I'm blackballed
from a bunch of clubs
for literally no reason.
It's like...
Well, you don't
want to play clubs anyways no and no but that's that's the thing about the left that they don't
understand is they corner you into like becoming a like lethal right like i wouldn't have thought
of that to this stuff if i didn't have to if i didn't have kids and stuff i so what you just
talked about even just the concept of getting in trouble like i don't feel that anymore like when it's like oh like in trouble with who like riddle dude i brought back the word sodomite
because it because they they're like oh you can't i won't say the word but the derogatory word that
we call everybody that was just kind of weak dudes it was like a word we used yeah hard f i'm just
doing this because i don't know where this is playing i don't think the word's bad at all but it's a bundle of sticks oh sweet sweet sweet sweet you're talking to me
so so this is how the how it backfires it's like i'm like oh that dude's being a fag and someone's
like oh you can't say that it's homophobic and i'm like no no you can be a straight fag and
they're like do not say that so i'm like okay so i'll be hyper specific sodomite and and now that word is like
it's not a derogatory word it's so specific right and it's like it makes it like just about gay
people now when i'm like you shouldn't have fought that who came but it's like but who says that to
you uh oh and who says that to you oh you can't say that word. Nobody anymore.
Nobody anymore.
I've never, no one's ever,
no one's ever told me ever.
Maybe I say it with such hate in my face
or I've always, you know,
they know I'm not fucking playing.
I'm using it in a joke.
No one's ever,
except for that girl that sucker punched me
and she didn't verbally dress me down.
But I've never,
I got in trouble for smoking on stage i uh um but no one's ever no one no club
manager or no no audience members says you can't say that again maybe it's because i've been around
forever well and you don't show shame which is how they make you do it you know like if you're just
if you're the type of guy that would back down they do it and for me it was just that i was at
like caa and like would have these development
deals and stuff.
And these guys would be like,
Oh,
you know,
like we need you,
you know,
this is Disney.
So we can't,
I'm like,
didn't that dude like bang a kid?
And they're like,
Whoa,
dude,
dude.
And I'm like,
no,
but seriously,
I'm pretty sure Walt Disney like banged a kid.
I'm like,
is that,
is that true?
And they're like,
you just explained it perfectly to me why no one's
ever said that to me I've never really had a fucking deal or anything to lose right right
but see that's why I'm like take your deals man like I the irony is they keep setting me
people like us free where they're like oh you're not allowed here anymore I'm like
oh oh no now I have to make friends of like actual men and like, you know, like my best friends on my street.
They're like a truck driver and a cop.
I'm like, I don't want to hang out with movie stars.
They're like high needs, like weirdos.
I got banned from one of the best clubs in the country,
the Denver Comedy Works.
I did it once, went back a second time.
And, you know, 10 minutes into the show,
there's a bachelorette party
ruining the fucking feature acts.
And then I get up there, they start yelling shit out.
And I said, can we have these fat cunts thrown the fuck out right now?
It turns out the place was run by a fat cunt.
And she never had me back.
Yeah, but see, they're doing you a favor.
They're like, we're going to kick you out of prison.
You know, it's like, take Denver.
Take Denver, for example i
like i was forced to play in like a children's museum because they're so they're so like
progressive doubt that i have to like rent places under different names and stuff it's like a
speakeasy yeah and meanwhile they made it legal for people to shit in the street there but dogs
can't okay so like like here's a conspiracy that's true that's crazy the
denver airport there's this giant horse that looks like satan right yeah and i know what you're
talking about yeah yeah this giant satan horse with red eyes and so i was like talking to somebody
about it i'm like yeah this is big satan horse it's i think it's demonic and they're like well
no it isn't it's called art why don't you ask the creator
and I'm like interesting story
the horse killed the guy who made it
like the sculptor making the horse
what? the horse I swear to god
dude look at any guy trying to blow it or something
no it's literally
demonic like so the sculptor's making
the horse it falls on the guy
kills him they wipe off the
blood they put in the Denver airport It falls on the guy. You're kidding me. Kills him. They wipe off the blood.
They put it in the Denver airport.
But I'm the bad guy?
I got to be at a museum?
Why doesn't that happen when they're tearing down white statues?
Oh, because we... Why does it ever fall on one of these Antifa kids and crush them?
And then we can put it in LaGuardia.
We're trying to get slow on reacting because we're trying to figure out if it's logically accurate.
We're like, OK, so logically.
And meanwhile, they're like, we just tore down another one.
We're like, OK, so.
And that's why I'm now proactive because I'm like.
Yeah, you got to be.
For example, like those Catholic kids where they're like.
Where they're like, oh, well, it turns out that the Native Americans were saying that Donald Trump's a faggot and the and the white kids were like defending like gay people.
So I'm like, wait a minute.
Donald Trump's no faggot.
You know, like I'm not playing any of that.
I'm not going to make make it like, oh, so the white kids were the good kids.
Right.
Right.
They defended gays.
Yeah.
It's like, no, you don't say that about my president.
He doesn't take in the ass.
No. You know, and then the last one did. Yeah's like, no, you don't say that about my president. He doesn't take in the ass. The last one did.
Oh, dude, it's huge.
I read many stories about bathhouses.
Oh, he's as gay as the day is long.
He is, isn't he?
You can see it in his eyes, yeah.
Because he's got to have a vice to lie that much.
The devil's got to get you somehow.
And so you look at him and you're like, okay, you don't don't you don't have chicks like what is it's like secret gay shit
fact like you know it's so it's so obvious yeah i i read many things and that guy anyways but uh
all right i don't have anything else for you anything else uh
no dude just keep rocking man because comedy is not dead.
Like the people saying comedy is dead are retarded.
Like they don't.
You can't kill comedy.
It's coming alive.
If anything, it's coming alive.
I mean, we're leading there.
Well, that's that's the whole point.
It's almost like it's it's exciting.
It's almost like all the institutions of comedy are failing.
And it's like Forrest Gump where all the other ships are destroyed.
It's just me and you as ships.
It's like,
if you just got to get around their institutional control of like clubs and
media and shit,
but we are,
it's like people follow you.
Well,
thank God for this technology and podcasts and all that shit came around at
the,
at the right time.
And,
and yeah,
I was thrilled.
I mean,
I,
I get fired for a tweet from a radio show
and I had a black eye all within like two months.
I go, I must be saying, doing something right.
Yeah, you survived it.
Like whenever people go through that now,
I'm like, don't see it as an attack.
See it as a test.
It's like, if you survive,
you get more like status and you're funnier.
That's right.
It's like, it's so true.
It's like, these aren't like normal attacks,
like what men would used to do to other men where it weakens you somehow it's like this is an attack where if
you survive you get a promotion that's exactly right that's like don't kneel yeah yeah because
they don't respect you for it no are you kidding me like i'll like call out certain shit like i'll
be like yeah what are the jews up to and like like my Israeli friends are just like, that was hilarious. And all these like white progressives are like,
you can't say that.
I'm like, weird how the Jews are laughing,
you know, because they respect people that just call stuff.
Dude, self-hate is like the grossest thing for anybody.
Like Farrakhan's a psychopath,
but I'll take him over Don Lemon.
No, I know.
I know.
Yeah. Farrak con's awful but
he's like he thinks that white people are like invented on an island you know but i'm like at
least he likes black people he's black don lemon wants to just get pounded by a white guy and he
hates everybody i'm not stop it i'm doing fair con stop it i'm not anti-Semite. I'm anti-Termite.
It's all rhythm for those guys.
You can be like, I am here today.
And everyone's like, go on, brother.
He's like, a bottle, a glass of water.
He's like, ooh, glass of water, glass of water.
Preach, preach.
Yeah, there's no, they can have no substance. And people It's like, ooh, Lassawanna, Lassawanna. It's like, preach, preach. Yeah, yeah, there's no, like, they can have no substance,
and people are just like, yes.
That's how Jesse Jackson lasted, you know,
and they all took a fucking note from Ali and ran with it.
Yeah, and Martin Luther King Jr., the I have a scheme speech.
We'll get to that another time.
I know you gotta go.
That's why I love this fucking guy.
I don't, I really don't have to go but I you know I gotta get to these
I haven't touched the stories yet
get it going I wanna get it going
and get after that
Native American guy who I saw in a
litter commercial
go after it yeah it's like we could talk for hours
but I'm starting to understand
you know like I'll seriously stream for like four and a half
hours and I'm like this is
great but I'm like is my seriously stream for like four and a half hours. And I'm like, this is great.
But I'm like, is my audience psychopaths like me?
Probably not.
So, all right.
So thanks for having me, my friend.
Hey, you're going to go see Benjamin live.
He's a brilliant, and he plays the piano.
He's a musician.
And his latest special is Conspiracy Queries.
And tell them where they can get it.
It's hugepianist.com becausecom because comedy central.com is run by only pro sodomy comedy.
So huge,
huge pianist.com.
All right,
guys,
you guys can get it.
Thanks.
Oh,
I appreciate it,
buddy.
All right.
The great Owen Benjamin,
man,
smart,
funny.
And I bet it's gotta be a great special.
I, uh, I'm behind. I don't watch a lot of, bet it's got to be a great special i uh i'm behind i don't
watch a lot of uh rogan's got one out there now too i do and i don't do that i disrespect i like
to stay focused and you know i mean it's like i don't know my friends i see comics get into a show
early to watch other com i go if you were working in a machine shop would you get there an
hour early watching the guy weld what you're gonna do to do for the next eight hours? I don't know.
But yeah,
he's always interesting.
Here's a guy on a treadmill.
I don't know if this is real hair or not.
I'm having an argument with my wife.
I think the...
They catch on...
Rick Ross.
I think it's real hair.
My wife says it's a hair piece.
I don't know.
He's got one on death by his own. Does he know?
I'm sure that's been around, but it's still funny.
Let's close it out with a video that,
because I like to end the show on an upbeat note
with some love.
It can't all be a...
Want to see a cute little Chinese kid who's multi-talented?
Look at this kid, six years old.
You don't have any of that music.
That music.
Six years old!
Love this little kid.
Unbelievable.
Why is he wearing a winter coat inside?
a winter coat and such. After I graduated from high school,
the rest of the time,
I was English. not love that kid ryan he's better he's better at that than any of us are in anything at age six
can you imagine would you let him cut your hair right oh hell yeah i mean just because of his
hair cutting style not because he was cute i take his style i think he'd make me look good he would
make you look good you see his haircut his haircut? He's six years old.
Now, that kid's either going to end up being the greatest hairstylist ever,
or, you know, he's going to hang himself in four years.
I hope, I hope it's not the latter.
Anyways, that's all.
He's got the Moe Howard.
He gave himself the Moe Howard.
And what a cute, smart little bass.
I don't know why he's wrapped in tinfoil, but...
All right, that is it.
Remember, you think it, I will say it.
You are very welcome, and I will talk to you soon.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye. guitar solo Thank you.