The Nick DiPaolo Show - SF Men's Gay Choir Smug Ass-Hats | Nick Di Paolo Show #570

Episode Date: July 12, 2021

Break a leg. Get outta Denver, baby! More mayhem in Chicago.

Hey guys, this show, the Nick DiPaolo Show, is a place you can come to for an hour each day and know that the truth is going to be spoken. Sometimes it's politics, sometimes it's comedy, oftentimes it's both. Any way that you cut it, though, it's always honest, unfiltered, and free from the bias you'll find pretty much everywhere else, and certainly all day long by mainstream media. Free speech lives here, and it always will. I want to thank you all for supporting the show, and I want to encourage you to contribute on the comicsgym.com page or visit nickdip.com and click on Contribute.

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俏皮全国招生日线 400-800-5086 Thank you. Here we are again, ladies and gentlemen. It's Monday. Matt, can you turn down my mic a little bit? That's on me. Testing, one, two, test, one, two. No, up a little bit. Test, one, two, testing.

That's good. All right. First edit of the day. How's it going, folks? It's Monday again. Don't really care for it myself. Mr. DiPaolo, no one can be as nasty as you pretend to be unless they really wanted to be disliked.

I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. I'm a Jew living in the twilight of my life on a pension. All righty then. How you doing? How was your weekend, folks? Mine was kind of unpleasant. Started the demolition of the kitchen. Thank God I have a guy there, my buddy the cop, who enjoys this shit.

You know, about 100 degrees out, was it 90? Gotta wear a mask because this shit's all asbestos. I'll be dead by the end of August. Breathing that shit in. I look like Lily Munster with all that stuff on my bed. And just carrying 75 pound bags of trash out to a dumpster in my driveway. I just, I got to tell you, man, if I wasn't married, I could live in a pup tent and be happy. I just, I don't need a fucking house. I would have went condo apartment. But anyways, I love my house, but Jesus H. Christ. And how about this? So I do that for about, oh, I don't know, seven hours, and sweat like I'd never have soaked head to toe.

Had diarrhea that morning. Get on the scale. I'm thinking, oh, I've got to be down five pounds. I lost a quarter of a pound. Explain that to me, somebody, please. It's a fucking tie. It's crooked. So that's what's going on. And now the official guys show up.

We demolished the whole kitchen. So just bare bones. Didn't find any money. Didn't find any rat shit either, which was, so we still got to find that smell. But, you know, so, yeah, the official guys showed up today. So, yeah, the official guy showed up today, and we're living like, no access to a kitchen sink, and ordering food in, because we have no stove. I'm living like a minority. What?

Anyhow, that's how my weekend went. It was kind of fun, though, taking out the frustration. Let's get on with this stupid show, shall we? Dun-dun-dun-a-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Oh, our boy Lee Priest. He sent this last week, and he's one of our biggest fans, and we love this guy. World-renowned bodybuilder

from Down Under. Terrific fellow. He was the best guy around. He's still around. What's his t-shirt say? I can't read it. Um, here you go. White privilege. Then the definition, a false ideology created to cultivate victimhood. Anyways, that's a lay priest and they sent an email with it. Actually, it says, uh, Hey Nick, there was some typos. It says dinner mentioned that Delta variant. We have, hey, Nick, there was some typos. It says dinner mentioned. That Delta variant. We have the Delta variant we have here in Australia, and they have put us in

another three weeks of lockdown, mandatory masks, even if you're vaccinated. And all the shops and shopping centers have barcodes with security, making sure you can scan in so the covered safe government app knows where the hell you are at all times, where you've been. Talk about a bunch of cunts, he says. And now they're saying if you're vaccinated, you could need a third shot due to the Delta variant. We can't call it the Indian variant because that is racist. And that's where that's coming from, India, by the way.

He goes, I go to bed every night and say a prayer that the fucking meteor comes down and wipes us all out. I get a feeling you'll still be standing for some reason, Lee. You look like something I got out of a fucking Schwarzenegger film that won't go away. Anyways, thanks so much. He's a fucking great guy. And he's so right. This Delta variant, go on, please. Here's your homework. Go on the CNN website. You talk about, it's like reading something Goebbels wrote. Every headline is the Delta variant, people in states that aren't getting vaccinated. We already have 20,000. I told you, and I've been telling you, they're not going to fucking let this go. Come the fall, they're going to say,

we have to lock down again. And then you think you saw riots? Then it'll be good people rioting. Not a riot. Hard work people. It is such goddamn nonsense. And they're going to keep us masked. such goddamn nonsense, and they're going to keep us masked. I saw an interview with some guy saying, literally said this, maybe intermittently forever. In other words, like when flu season comes around and shit. If you don't believe me, again, CNN, they love, love to spread fear. It's what they do. They love, love to spread fear. It's what they do. Guess I'm not going to that yet. That's on me.

But I'll show you a clip later on of Dr. Wen, Chinese lady. Yeah, let's take her advice. Her fucking cousin probably invented the virus. But before we get to that, this was terrific. I'm telling you now, I love UFC. I was in heaven. Watched all the early prelims, the prelims. Anyways, the big fight was, if you guys aren't familiar, Dustin Poirier and Conor McGregor.

Jesus Christ, it's Monday. They've already fought twice. Conor knocked him out the first time. The guy on the left, Poirier, knocked him out the second fight. This was a rubber match. Everybody was looking forward to it. And guess what? There's going to be a round four between Conor McGregor and Dustin Poirier after the third bout at UFC 264 Saturday night was cut short due to McGregor's grotesque leg injury. This is becoming a common thing. I already have a cure for it. I have to call Rogan. I don't want anybody stealing my idea.

So yeah, another grotesque leg injury. It was clear that there was still unfinished business between the two. It was McGregor's second loss to Poirier in 2021 after the Irishman scored a first round knockout in the first fight of their in 2014. That's a long time ago. This is not over. It's not over. McGregor shouted in the cage before he was stretched out and rushed to the hospital. He's sitting on the ground. Did I send that clip, Matt, of Rogan interviewing him? No. Oh, shit. Anyways, he's sitting on the ground. He was still yapping after his leg broke. Poirier also said the two are going to fight again, whether it's in the octagon or on the sidewalk. Well, given an update of McGregor, who is now one in three in his past

four MMA fights, UFC president Dana White said he felt the fourth fight between the longtime rivals only made sense. The fight, he said, didn't get finished. You can't have a fight finished that way, especially with all the money I can make. We'll see how this whole thing plays out. Who knows how long Conor is out. When Conor is healed and ready to go, we'll do the rematch, I guess. I love it. He's such a straightforward dude. Poirier will do his thing until Conor is ready. McGregor had dialed up the trash talk throughout the week leading up to the fight, and he just wouldn't close that clamor. But the things escalated when the fight ended via doctor stoppage, and Poirier was given the technical knockout, visibly frustrated with how the match ended.

McGregor sounded off on Poirier, even threatening to kill him. Let's show... I don't even know what clip this is. This one here. Yeah, this is 13 seconds in real time. Keep your eye on McGregor's left ankle slash shin. It's pretty gross, but we love that shit here. And back to his feet. Oh, goodness.

McGregor covers that trophy out of the round. One second to go in the round. Wow. Nobody knew at that point exactly what had happened because it all happened so quick. But we're going to, here's a good explanation by, well, I watched two doctors. This kid's a doctor. He looks more like he should be folding sweaters at the Gap, but what the fuck? Anyways, not this guy, but another doctor's theory was, and I buy it, McGregor landed like four or five kicks to the other guy's calf, real hard ones, maybe even six, early in the first round. And the doctor said what that does is cause micro fractures in the shin or whatever.

And he thinks that's when the initial damage was done. And then when you're in there with all the adrenaline, I don't know if you guys play sports, you're so hyped up. Playing football, I'd bend my fingers backwards and you just go click you know you don't you almost don't even feel it but this is something different but i'm just saying uh so the doctor thought that's what happened it was probably microfractures and then uh when he stepped on it the wrong way but uh let's listen to this uh kid who should be working at uh one potato too slight little tweak you can see the outer portion of his ankle kind of shift

outward. See, right there. And honestly, I think this is when the break actually first was initiated before he ultimately stepped on it and inverted the ankle, causing kind of that more complete injury. We can see then as he kind of comes through, that left foot comes up off the ground. And now as he goes to plant, he basically rolls his ankle. His ankle goes into a severe amount of inversion. It's probably because there was no stability because of what happened on that step just before. So now as he goes forward, that ankle rolls into inversion, typical mechanism of a common lateral ankle sprain like we see in sports all the time. But now there's no stability there.

You can see kind of right as he stepped, he wasn't able to maintain that stability, maintain that ankle positioning. The ankle rolls, and then all this torsional twisting load gets transferred up through his tibia, up into the fibula, making his leg much more severe. Really? That was Connor's wife. Holy moly. another gruesome and this guys do you understand the build-up for this the millions of dollars that was spent and places packed with like 20 000 people

and thank god they have 19 other fights beforehand there was some doozies um but anyways uh yeah i was all built up in the first round. That's it. I think they got to come up with a, because it's going to happen some more, right? It's going to happen. Your shin bone has no meat on it, by the way. And you got to come up with some type of pad, very thin, some type of shin pad, not like a hockey shin pad, but a rubber, something to give you a little protection on your shin bone. Otherwise, they're going to keep happening, in my opinion. But what I know, the last fight was my, I fought my cousin Karen when I was 18 and lost. Anyway, so anyways, Poirier says after the fight, karma's not a bitch, she's a mirror, Poirier told reporters after the

fight. There's no holes barred with trash talk, but murder is something you don't clown around with. There's no coming back from that. And this guy was saying he was going to murder me. He was telling me he was going to kill me tomorrow. I'm going to leave here in a coffin. You don't talk like that to people. I hope this guy gets home safely to his beautiful family, he says. Did I just say everything we're going to show?

No, you didn't say everything. All right, so this is him uh after the fight the rivalry is over do you feel like no we are gonna fight again whether it's in the octagon or on the sidewalk you don't say the stuff he said you know he's a bad my wife saw it as a rock i'm not worried about that that's noise he was saying that he was gonna kill me you don't say stuff like that that he was gonna murder me you don't say stuff like that, that he was going to murder me. You don't say stuff like that. You don't say stuff about people's wives either, but I know that's zero chance. But there is a chance somebody could die, and you don't say that.

You don't wish that on anybody, man. I like how, like a typical married guy, he remembers to mention his wife being offended first. And by the way, there was a picture online of his wife, Poirier's wife, right after the fight, giving Conor McGregor the finger while he was still sitting down injured. And then Conor starts yelling back to her in that heavy Irish brogue. So I couldn't understand it. I kept rewinding it. And then the next day it explained what he said right after fight online. It said,

your wife DM'd me. And I guess she was, she was trying to get in the middle of the verbal sparring. He goes, your wife DM me. He goes, hit me back, honey. Uh, something like that. We'll be at, we'll be at your after party tonight. Fucking, he was like Mr. T in Rocky III going, hey, pretty woman. Hey, woman. Hey, pretty woman. I bet you go to bed late at night thinking about a real man. Why don't I bring your pretty little cell phone to my place

and I'll show you a real man. You got a big mouth, eh? When UFC commentator Joe Rogan handed McGregor the mic, the Notorious said he would take Poirier outside before turning his attention to Poirier's wife, Jolie. This is what he said. Your wife is in my DMs, McGregor. Hey, baby, hit me back up on chat later on.

We'll be at the after party, the Wynn nightclub, baby. You're a crumb creep. Oh, God. Can I give you my take? He's the greatest marketer in the world. Even with a bone sticking out of his leg, he's setting up the next fight. But I got news for you.

Poirier's only going to get... McGregor's no spring chicken anymore. Poirier's... But you know what? You never know. Poirier's only going to get better. McGregor's no spring chicken anymore. Poirier's, uh... But you know what? You never know. McGregor's got that left hand. He could put anybody to sleep at any time.

So we got to have another. I want to see it on the sidewalk, personally. Or in the middle of the street with traffic. Anyways. Guess who else attended the big fight? That's how big a fight it was last night. The 45th president of the United States, in my opinion, one of the greatest, if not the greatest president as far as getting shit done in a shit storm or people lying and cheating

and trying to spy on him and everything else. Donald Trump, the crowd chant USA as the real president of the United States enters the arena, just reinforces that he won. I don't give a fuck what anybody says, okay? He wants a rematch, but Biden will be dead by then. But here's President Trump entering the arena. I am your voice. Whole place started chanting USA. I fucking... Who's the best guy around?

Oh, hell yeah. Most politicians, I don't care who it is. Except for Obama, of course. We couldn't boo him. He'd end up in jail. But how about that? Donald walking in there like he's Mick Jagger. Gotta love it.

He must have properties, right, in Vegas? Oh, yeah. I don't remember seeing his name. I know he does. But what a life, huh? Probably staying in this top floor. He's got the whole thing to himself. And who was running in and out of there?

You know, that's what I read in the dossier. Anyways, let's get on with it. This story was shocking to me. Why it's not all over the news. Maybe it's a good idea because you'll give nuts ideas, copycats. Get out of Denver, baby, go, go is the headline. A hotel maid is being hailed for her role in preventing what police fear could have been a Las Vegas-style shooting at the

up-and-coming MLB All-Star Game in Denver, a report said on Saturday. I can't even get a maid to get me a second roll of toilet paper. This broad's a superhero, stopping a mass killer. Anyways, this is a good story. This is her, uh... She's knocking on the door. That's room service. Anyways, the housekeeper tipped off cops.

And by the way, I don't know if she's Hispanic. I mean, what are the odds? The housekeeper tipped off cops after she found more than a dozen weapons and 1,000 rounds of ammunition at a hotel near Coors Field Friday, according to ABC Denver. Can you imagine? This is fucking, this is huge, isn't it? Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. No, Will Robinson. Danger. The alarming discovery was made inside a room on the eighth floor of the Maven Hotel, just two blocks from the Mile High Ballpark that's hosting the Midsummer Classic.

Thanks to you, Libs. Can you imagine? We could have pinned that on them if something happens. Anyways, that's going to happen Tuesday, I guess. Cops removed 16 long guns. That's 16. Body armor. Ammo from the room. A half-eaten club sandwich for $31, no, which had a balcony overlooking Denver's downtown, the outlet reported.

Three men and a woman were arrested and charged with weapons possessions in connection with a cachet. Three of the suspects were previous offenders. How creepy is this? And three of them also were charged with intent to distribute drugs. One suspect, a recent divorcee, oh boy, had posted, get this, a cryptic Facebook message saying he would go out in a big way. It's not really very cryptic anymore.

It might have been at one time. Anyways, can you imagine that? That's ongin, uh, that was on his Facebook. Jesus Christ. Bye-bye, dickhead. Hopefully. The investigation and arrest were the result of a tip from the public serving as an excellent example of the critical role the community plays in public safety, police said in a statement Saturday night. In 2017, you guys can't forget this, the worst, gunmen opened fire in Las Vegas. That was from the balcony of the Paradise Nevada Hotel during the music festival, killing 59 people, that fucking coward, and injuring hundreds more. It was the largest mass shooting in U.S. history.

So this maid should be on every talk show. Maybe she is. I don't watch Good Morning Fruit Cups and Face the Dog-Styling Nation. But think about that. I think the All-Star game's within a week. I ain't sure. All's I know is the Red Sox, best record in the American League,

at the halfway mark, they were picked to finish fourth or fifth in the division. I hope they're not doing any cheating. Did I tell you I pulled up? You can go on YouTube and put Astros cheating or whatever the fuck and watch the clip. You know, we talked about it on the show, right? They had a computer and then a guy would bang a trash can to tell the hitter what's to this day. It still makes me laugh.

You go from high tech using software to a guy hitting a trash can with a bat. But if you watch the clips the guys come up to the plate like the yankees uh i mean the astros come up to the plate the pitchers you know it is wind up you hear bang one or two it's so clear and then they show el tuve coming home after he hit a home run and he's pointing to his chest going because he was like wearing a wire or something why Why do I admire that? I shouldn't. And I'd be pissed if I was a Yankees fan and a Dodgers fan. And I really thought they should have taken the trophy away. But anyhow, it's what makes the world go round, cheating.

As somebody once said, I think it was Mother Teresa, if you're not cheating, you're not trying. as somebody once said, I think it was Mother Teresa, if you're not cheating, you're not trying. So, hey, God bless that maid. Seriously, I wonder how many live shooters there are. Why would you get there that early, though, and hide all your shit? And why wouldn't you put a do not disturb sign on the door? I don't know.

I'm sitting on 16 long rifles. I don't want to be disturbed as I'm polishing my fucking hollow points. Speaking of guns and murder, more murder and mayhem in Chicago by an ignorant, depraved inner city

person of colors. Persons of color. An arrest was made in the recent Humboldt Park ambush murders. This happened on June 21st, I believe. Caught on video where a man and woman, Puerto Rican, at a Puerto Rican day parade were dragged from their car, executed on the street. Chicago Police Superintendent David Brown said Saturday.

I didn't even know about this until I saw the fucking footage. Absolutely disgusting. Convicted felon and accused murderer Anthony Lorenzi, 34, sits in a California lockup after he was finally arrested in connection with last month's brazen slaying. So this guy, what a fucking, this was so horrible.

I'm black, y'all, and I'm black, y'all, and I'm blacker than black, and I'm black, y'all. We will go to great lengths to bring you to justice for these victims and their families, Brown said Saturday. Yasmin Perez, 25-year-old, that's the woman, and the father of her children, Giovanni Arzuaga, 24, were both gunned down during Chicago's Puerto Rican festivities in the Humboldt Park neighborhood. Lorenzi has been charged with first-degree murder for the shooting death of Arzuaga, but not Perez, the woman. Authorities revealed Saturday night that it now appears Perez

was unintentionally shot to death by her boyfriend during the frenzy that night. Either way, they caused it. It's more than likely the deceased individual that got executed did because they were in the front seat and they were the ones getting punched and kicked and pulled out of the vehicle. they were in the front seat and they were the ones getting punched and kicked and pulled out of the vehicle. So more than likely, said Brian Denehan, chief detective with the Chicago Police Department.

Just Can you imagine? Fucking not valuing life whatsoever. Who's an animal? Your mother's an animal, you son of a bitch! The handgun believed to have been used in Perez's shooting death was found under Ozuago's body, police said. So that's why they think it was his gun. Investigators said they still have no motive.

You don't have a motive? Really? It was a fender bender, by the way. I think that's going to come up later in the article. They had a fender bender with these black guys in an suv so that's you know that's worth taking somebody's life right fucking a depraved investigators said they still have no motive for the june 19th which happened as azuaga and perez who lived together with their two young children in suburban hanover park headed home from the festivities. They were

attacked in the 3200 block of West Division by a group of men following a minor traffic accident. A video of the attack was posted on social media. It happened extremely quickly, a minor traffic accident, and there's an immediate punching and kicking and pulling and trying to harm these people inside the vehicle, Denehan said. Then this execution style shots are fired into this individual's head. Lorenzi allegedly shot Azuaga several times, including once in the head. Let's, let's, we have a clip of it. It's fucking disgusting. See that? Guy in the fucking white.

Executes the guy. Poor wife's already dead. Scurries away like the rat that he is. All because, you know, there's a little fender bender. This individual in custody, Lorenzi, he's the one responsible for this death. He shoots the individual in the head several times while he's on his knees.

How the fuck? There's something wrong with the black man's mind! There's something wrong with his mind! Because mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Because you scraped my bumper. These blacks. Who knows where they're going to take the wrong way. The suspect is now awaiting extraction back to Illinois after being picked up Friday in the parking lot of an apartment complex in San Diego.

Brown announced Saturday during a press conference. He's charged with first-degree murder. Authorities said Lorenzi is a career criminal, naturally. So thank you to the judges who have him back on the street. Do you see how this is all intentional, folks? Do you see this is how they keep racial tension and us at each other's throats? Whether it's Puerto Rican, black, Dominican, this is what they do. Lorenzi's

a career criminal. He's been arrested nearly 30 times. What happened to the three strikes and you're out? I know they had that in California. You know what I mean? I told you, after like three arrests, you should do an automatic mandatory like four, three, four years. That might smarten you up. Arrested nearly 30 times, convicted of seven violent crimes before the fatal shooting. He was most recently in trouble for a botched carjacking, according to the police. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. Ay-yi-yi. Can you imagine?

They have two little kids. They go to a Puerto Rican Day parade. Always be armed. Always be armed. ABA. What would Jesus have done? He would have taken out a hand pistol. And shot the motherfucker.

Speak of the career criminals. Headline, unfunny rapist not welcome at the comedy club, the famous comedy cellar in New York City, where I fucking lived in that club. It's no joke. Bill Cosby isn't welcome at this legendary Big Apple comedy club. It's no joke. Bill Cosby isn't welcome at this legendary Big Apple comedy club. But you don't have opening?

Not for you, bitch. But why not? He learned Indian while he was in the prison. The owner of the comedy cell in Greenwich Village, which has hosted stars including Seinfeld, Robin Williams, Chris Rock, Nick DiPaolo, Colin Quinn, David Tell,

won't allow the disgraced comic to perform on the heels of his prison release, he told the Post on Sunday. Good for Gnome. All right, get up! Yeah! But I'm just here to tell some jokes. Pudding pop. Jerk off. The 83-year-old fallen funny man reportedly plans to do a stand-up tour. The fucking balls and the white nose on this guy.

Plans on doing a stand-up tour. I will guarantee you, I will guarantee you he will sell out arenas and you won't find a white face in the crowd. Probably a couple, libs. Anyways, he reportedly plans to do a stand-up tour now that his sexual assault conviction has been tossed and he was freed from prison last month. But club owner and my good friend who's been on this show before, I've interviewed him

on Zoom, Gnome Dwarven. God, he's turning into his dad. It's unbelievable. Do you understand that? He's on the stage at the Comedy Cell right there. That, I see that. It feels like, I see it. It's like a picture of the living room I grew up in

when I was a kid. I've just spent so much time on that stage. Bombing, getting in trouble, making freshman Asians at NYU cry because I was racist. It was so much fun. But Club Owner, Gnome Dwarven, oh, I was on stage once and I called, I was doing a bit and it ended with calling Hillary a cunt or something. And Seinfeld's in the doorway. I come off stage, he goes, brilliant, brilliant. I didn't know you were here. Jerry, if I knew you were here, I would have prepared some material. But club owner Noam Dwarman, who let Aziz Ansari

and Louis CK perform in 2018 after their respective sexual misconduct scandals, said he won't book Cosby in the beloved Brickline basement venue because seller audiences wouldn't support it. And that's fucking true. They won't even support me. I fucking grew to hate that place. I still love hanging out there if I ever go up. Dwarven explained that he is drawing the line on Cosby because the accusations, this is

so common sense, how we even have to discuss this is beyond me. The accusations against the former TV star were far worse than anything Aziz Ansari and Louis C.K. allegedly did. He couldn't be more right there. See the difference? Comparing Bill Cosby to these other guys is absurd, Dwarman said, adding that the other two comics were not charged with a crime. Dwarman, who got death threats after allowing Louis C.K. to perform, probably from some angry dykes, said, I didn't want to talk about this to begin with. I just think these comparisons are ridiculous. Anybody with a little bit of fucking, anybody who's even slightly fair would see it that way. A rep for Cosby, Andrew Wyatt, told TMZ that his client is unfazed by the showbiz snub.

I don't know who gives a fuck what you think. Exactly. Only 60 women came forward with the exact same story. So obviously he didn't do it. You have to be kidding me. Look at his lawyer. He looks like a fucking weatherman for NBC. The Pennsylvania State Supreme Court

overturned Cosby's sexual assault conviction on June 30th, saying a secret verbal agreement with then Montgomery County District Attorney Bruce Castor Jr. prevented the comic from ever being charged for allegedly drugging and molesting Andrea Constance in 2004.

Cosby was released from prison after serving more than two years of a three to ten year sentence. Why? You're a crumb creep. Oh, what is he? You're a crumb creep. You got that right. You're a crumb creep. You're a crumb creep. And you're not welcome here, batch. Never found them funny anyways. Then I go to the dentist. He's got the hook. I told you this many times when I was working for Chris Rock one day. The whole show went to see Cosby. And I didn't go.

I didn't want to go. I didn't really. I appreciate his technical, you know, and him telling a story and going off on a tangent. I appreciate all that, but I don't want to sit through two hours. Hey, Chris Rock, DePala, you fucking racist!

I love Rock. Anyways, let's move on to some more fake victims in our country. I'm giving you a trigger warning on this one because I honest to God had to go outside and hit the heavy bag for fucking half hour after I watched this clip that I think Bunny Galoa sent me headline is

Goo Gobbler and Glee Club very good Nick will convert your children by the it's a song by the san francisco men's gay choir and now guys i i'm so sick of saying this have plenty of gay friends i'm in goddamn showbiz never had a problem we don't and and most people feel like i do nobody gives a shit really you know you know they do perverted shit and bet really you should have seen what i was trying in college i'd be arrested nobody gives a fuck so they keep creating this false but here's the problem with this kid he's the most smug little arrogant even if he was heterosexual

doesn't matter his sexuality he's just this kid's just a smarmy little evil fuck who needs to be bitch slapped. Has nothing to do with him being gay. But watch the joy he takes in it. And boy, is the LGBT community feeling their oats under a Biden. Just watch his video and try not to kill your cat. We celebrate pride on the progress we've made over these past years. There's still work to be done. So to those of you out there who are still working against equal rights,

we have a message for you. Pause. First of all, who's working against you? You fucking... Set up another straw man with a giant cock. Who's trying to prevent gays from doing anything anymore? Nobody gives a shit. See the little smug...

Anybody already getting crazy? Or am I just... Nick, you're a homophobe. Now I just... I have that same shirt. It bugs me. Go ahead. You think we're sinful?

You fight against our rights. You say we all lead lives. You can't respect... Pause. you smug cocksucker fuck you go ahead but you're just frightened can't even think that will corrupt your kids if our agenda goes unchecked Unchecked Just this once you're correct What a smug little convert your children look at these evil Quietly and subtly and you will barely notice it

San Francisco Make him wear pleated pants, we don't care. Oh, he got mad there. We'll convert your children. Let me play piano. We'll make them tolerant and fair. At first I didn't get why he'd be so scared of us Is that a guy or a woman?

We don't turn our children into accepting, caring people, but I see now why you'd have a problem. Pause. He says, we don't see why you'd have a problem with us turning your kids into accepting, caring people but i see now why you'd have a problem pause he says we don't see why you'd have a problem with us turning your kids and accepting caring people implying that we're not straight people they really they've swallowed i don't mean that they're gonna say this they've swallowed so many of their own press clippings they actually believe that they're morally superior to turn your kids into caring you know tolerant people

because you raise fucking devils apparently it's not the we're not wrong it's it's the fucking world that's wrong you should all be sucking dick what's the matter with you people what's the matter with you never tell anybody outside the ymca where you're talking again go ahead let fucking little jerk off you snotty little bastard I'll never tell anybody outside the YMCA where you're talking again. Go ahead, let the fucking little jerk off. You snotty little bastard. Go ahead. Just like you worried, they'll change their group of friends.

You won't approve of where they go at night to protest. That was a woman. Now he has a beard. When they start finding things online that you've kept far from their sight. Like information. Guess what? You'll still be alright. We'll convert your children. Yes, we will.

Oh my God. Stop getting cocky. I getting cunty. I can't help it. That one on the right was a almost cute girl at one point. I'm telling you, that's transgender. I can pick this shit out for how, I don't know.

That beard was about a week old. And the poor thing can't sing. There's no future. Look at the evil one on the left, though. See, they're just pissed, folks. Why, Nick? I don't know. Glad I don't got any kids. They'll be in the fitting room with the Old Navy

trying to finger-pop my son Christopher. What? We'll convert your children! you snotty little bastard what a country of mama luke's let's move on ladies and gentlemen headline oh this is gonna sort of uh connect with what i was talking about earlier with the uh with the covid thing i don't even remember what the context of it was. But headline, when will you stop lying?

W-E-N. Must be the doctors. Oh, it is. CNN medical contributor Dr. Leanna Nguyen said Friday that life needs to be, get this, that life needs to be, get this, to be hard for Americans who have not received a coronavirus vaccine with twice weekly testing. So if you're not doing those two things, she thinks that life should be hard for us. OK, think about that. Stop getting cocky. I don't like this bra whatsoever.

OK, listen to what she says. And my advice is, this bra whatsoever. Okay. Um, listen to what she says. And, my advice is, eh, Doug, this is Dr. Wen. And I,

I, I implore you to go on the, uh, CNN website and read the headlines. It is, it is just the, the best example of spreading fear. So they get clicks because they're not making money with their TV shows.

I mean, this show is beating some of them in the fucking ratings, okay? And we're not even on TV. We're doing it, you know, internet style. Okay, Ms. Nguyen, tell us your feelings about people who haven't been vaccinated yet, you whore. Overcoming disinformation. And what we really need to do at this point is to make vaccination the easy choice it needs to be hard for people to remain unvaccinated right now it's

kind of the opposite it's fine i mean it's easy if you're unvaccinated you can do everything you want to do any yeah how evil that is of course it's cnn make life hard in In other words, you know, she's for passports, vaccine passports, and, you know, separating us at ball games, the unvaccinated. She's for all that shit. You know, getting stores involved. You can't come in unless you, you know. She's involved in that. And yet nobody's dying.

It's almost going away. And this, you know what? Go back to china where you're from probably korean i don't know go back to china and um work for the government that that created this intentionally because you seem like you're all in on that you i kill you i kill you right now kill me i'm right here kill me okay i come with two chopsticks i shove up your ass oh nick that's stereotypical come over here talk to me in the face oh don't like us and booty you could get that covid 22 uh go ahead play

the rest of uh my way but at some point these mandates by workplaces by schools i think it will be important to say hey you can opt out but if you want to opt out you have to sign these forms you have to get twice weekly testing basically we need to make getting vaccinated the easy choice. That is what it's going to take for us to actually... Look at all the netwitches nodding on CNN. Even they're not nodding. They're going, really? What are you, crazy? In other words, make your life miserable. If you don't take a vaccine that you don't even know what's in it, the FDA hasn't approved it, the fucking disease is going away anyways.

It was a myth to begin with. It was a seasonal flu that killed sick people and old people like all seasonal flus do. It's all about control. Go on, there's a website, Rockefeller Institute, and just put lockstep. Okay, and this shit was written years ago, and they're following the plan exactly.

Is there any more left to win? Good. Done, right? Nah, fuck her. When are you going to shut up? When the form, oh, oh, here we go. Here's a key to her thinking. When the former Planned Parenthood president,

because she's into killing babies because she's, you know, the Chinese. You give birth to a girl over there, they throw it right down the garbage disposal. Along with the five-day-old chicken and broccoli. Nick, enough of those stereotyping. She was president of Planned Parenthood. So now we have the Delta variant that is much more contagious. That's what she's saying.

Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. Because it's more contagious, it's going to be even harder for us to reach herd immunity. We're going to have to vaccinate an even higher proportion of people to get there. What happens then? If we end up having another variant developing that's even more contagious, that could cause more. Spread that. Preach.

Spread that fear, bitch. That could cause more disease. That could ev fear bitch that could cause more disease that could evade the protection of our immune system why don't you write a horror flick get it over with my god that's a sick question you're a sick fuck and i'm not that sick that i'm gonna answer exactly miss when all for it huh keeping those masks on, depersonalized people. And they say the dangerous part's the vaccine, not the virus. This has been done before, folks. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. That's a catchy tune.

We will pork your children. I'm paraphrasing. Finally tonight, I meet the press headline I got your mask right here captain a budget airline customer who refused to mask up was hit with a massive $10,500 fine $10,500 this is called making your life hard. See, this is what she's for. The unidentified flyer defied flight attendants who asked him seven times to wear his mask over

his mouth and nose on a February 27th Allegiant trip from Provo, Utah to Mesa, Arizona, according to the FAA. I'm all for this passenger. Good luck. Don't pay it either. The passenger also argued with workers and cornered a flight attendant after the plane landed to complain about the mask policy. The Fed said, 10,000? The man touched a woman during the confrontation,

which intimidated the flight attendant and made him cry, made they cry. Cry like a bitch. Can you imagine the FAA levied whopping fines of up to $21,500 on eight other passengers this week? Okay, folks? Nearly 2,500 passengers have refused to comply. Good. Make it $25 million to comply the in-flight mask mandate since January. I fucking love it. I'm staying right here. Apparently not.

If you are, it's going to cost you a real chunk of change. Let's do one more, shall we? Since it's kind of related. It also took place in the air. What have I been telling you on this show? Take buses. Yeah, but Nick, I'm going from New York to L.A.

I don't give a shit. It's by the time somebody bites a flight attendant's nose off or somebody finger pops a girl in the third row or whatever, some guy runs and tries to open the exit door, you're going to be delayed. Get off the flight. It's going to take you 48 hours to get to LA anyway. So get on a goddamn bus.

Enjoy the freaks on there. Because there'll be a higher class of clientele than there is on fucking planes now. The flying bitch. I actually fucked up the headline. I was thinking flying non and bewitched. I came out with a flying bitch. And apparently unhinged woman was duct taped to an airplane seat. This happened to me in high school twice.

Look at this. This is what it's come to, folks. She was duct taped to an airplane seat last week after she allegedly attacked the flight crew and tried to open the door. They should have let her open. It's fun. It gets stuffy in there. A little bit of breeze. She tried to open the door of the aircraft in mid-flight. You're a loser. No, she's a good kid. Oh, come on. She's a good kid.

Video posted on social media showed the gray-haired woman with silver duct tape over her mouth and her arms and body seemingly taped to the seat. Look at her. Watch out because I'm... Cocoa Pot! Cocoa Pot! Let's take a look at the video. Look at her. Let's take a look at the video. She's yelling you, you, you at the people as they're deplaning. Even with the tape on. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, people. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Watch out. What do you make it hard for people to fly, regardless of vaccinations? Why don't you check them? Give them a little, I don't know, test. Check their IQ. I don't know. She could be heard screaming, you, you, you. I guess she blew like seven guys. As passengers exited the American Airlines flight 1774 past her, flight attendants calmly nodded their goodbyes. The two-hour, listen to this, two-hour July 6 flight from Dallas,

Fort Worth to Charlotte, North Carolina. Sounds like one I might be involved in when I'm traveling. I had been delayed for at least three hours before it finally, can you imagine? It was already delayed three hours before it finally departed, making my point, take buses or buy a motorcycle. Departed at midnight, but about an hour into the trip, chaos broke out, said at LOL Airy, said in a subsequent video describing the hectic scene. Flight attendants began turning on the lights around 1.30 a.m., she said. And we see all flight attendants running up and down the aisles. That'll make you nervous. Frantically, kind of like whispering to each other, you know, going, what?

What do we do? What the hell's going on out here? The plane's crew began locking bathrooms, grabbing bags. Gee, couldn't you try to hide it? Locking bathrooms, that wouldn't make you nervous, would it? Grabbing bags from overhead bins. It wouldn't say what was happening. That's not good policy, my opinion.

It was just kind of like chaos and no one knows what's going on, she continued. Finally, the pilot spoke over the intercom. Please stay in your seats. It's Captain Bud White and we got a bitch. She's out of her fucking mind. We had to duct tape this crazy twat to her seats. On the way out, feel free to punch her on the side of the head when you're exiting. We'll be on the ground shortly. This is what the pilot said over the intercom. A bad situation in the plane right now. Yeah, why don't you make him more nervous?

According to the pilot. That's what he says. Then we're gradually starting to hear more and more screaming, and we're like, wait a minute. What the hell is going on? Just as the plane was about to land, a flight attendant who sat near them explained a woman with an apparent mental issue had an outburst and had the urge to get off the plane. And she was saying, I need to get off this plane.

And she went to the exits and started banging on the doors. You need to let me off this plane. Which reminds me of a very funny scene in one of my favorite movies, Midnight Run, with the late, great Charles Grodin. Just calm down. Just relax and calm down. What are you getting so excited about? It's not... I can't.

No, I can't. I can't. No, no, no. I can't. Just relax. Just relax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did I tell you?

Don't pull that shit on me. No, no, no, no. No, no, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. No, I can't. Just relax. Just relax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did I tell you? Don't pull that shit on me. No, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.

No. Get over there. I can't. These things go down. All right. These things go down. They go. It's too big.

It's too big. It can't go up. That's what she was doing. He duct taped her. All right. That's it for today, ladies and gentlemen. Good start to a week. I thought that was a kind of fun show.

Mix it up a little bit. Can't be all politics. It's all the same. We have fucking communist Marxists running the country, and nobody's pushing back. We'll get to more of that tomorrow. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com, where you can subscribe monthly and make daily contributions.

However, then we have nickdip.com. You can click on the tour date. I'm doing stand-up in August somewhere. And then, oh, you know where? Coho's Hall. Coho's Hall up in Albany, New York. I shot my special. The last one.

Was it the last one? No. It doesn't matter. Anyways, and don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to Cameo, click on my profile, tell me about the person a little bit, and give me something to work with.

Some people go, he's got a red hair and he likes sneakers. And I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do with that? And yeah, Cameo.com, and I will make a video on my phone for a minute, minute and a half, and we can roast the person, and we can be nice and say happy birthday. You guys think

it i will say it you're very welcome we'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time have a great day kids guitar solo Outro Music