The Nick DiPaolo Show - Shocking Developments in Hunter Case | Nick Di Paolo Show #1435

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Hunter's court circus, Mitch's moment, a naked gun and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

I'm a man Oh yeah, how you is? Keep your friends close, but your enemies close. I want to tell you something about these Jews. Anyway. But your enemy's close. I want to tell you something about these Jews. Anyway. Pophead Jenks, look what I got. Anyways, I didn't mean that. My mom made some dinner. Sunday.

How are you, folks? Welcome to the show. Final day of the week here. What else? That's it. See you. Take care. Bye.

Bye. Don't. Take care. Bye. Bye. Don't forget this weekend. I should get paid for promoting this shit. But UFC, please. There's no way. These guys already fought once. I don't even know who won. But Justin Gaethje, who's my favorite

out of the millions of UFC guys, Mexican-American, more American than Mexican. He's whiter than Dallas, but he's got enough mech to get him. You can't knock him out with a fucking monkey wrench. And same with this Dustin Poirier, this fucking good-looking kid from Louisiana who's just southern leather. He's fucking, and he's like a good guy.

He's sort of like the good guy when there's a good guy bad guy in the movie, but he's a motherfucker and I guess I I don't know how I Don't know who won the first fight. It's not like an idiot, but I think I want to say Gaethje I don't know but I'm just saying and even if the vats and you know There's always a chance of the main card going on the toilet Yeah, so going on the toilet. Yeah, so the undercard matchups

are great. And I have yet to be disappointed. You know, I order these things like pizza. And I'm never disappointed because even on the undercards

or the preliminary, you see something fucking really sick. And this one, though, I am so excited about this one. That's how old I am. Sure. Then bingo on Sunday. I'm just saying.

It's fucking great. Red Sox Braves last night. Have to bring it up, Dallas. Sorry. Sox have the best record in baseball this month in all of baseball, playing the best team in baseball. And they took two. Atlanta ran into a buzzsaw. That's all. You can look at the Braves lineup and they're fucking athletic. They're powerful. They're fast. They get good pitch. And they're going to be there in the end. I don't give a shit from the National League.

And the Sox, this is going to be Cora's best job ever since he's been managing, I think it's his sixth season, because they're missing three starting pitches. He's been bringing guys in from the bullpen for a couple innings each, just making the right moves at the right time. He's stuck with this Tristan Casas kid who wears black fingernail and toenail polish. I can't explain him. He's about 6'4", 240. He walks to his own beat. He's just, I't explain him. He's about 6'4", 240. He walks to his own beat. I fucking love him.

He, and they were expecting big things, and he was hitting like 180 the first month and a half. He has been on fire now. He's got 15 homers. He's a rookie, and hit one to the fur of this fucking place in Fenway, dead center last night. And this kid, Duran, who's a, anyways, I'm just saying. Any other division, they'd be up by 10 games. That's how good the fucking AL East is. But, yeah, Cora's been unbelievable. And what else?

Pizza crust. I think I finally got it. I spent an hour. My wife's over there looking at it. She went to those plantations. She's got a book out, and she took about three tours, and she noticed like three mistakes. So she comes home and researches them. Well, she's reading.

She's got fucking maps out. I go, what? Are you moving? I've never seen that. I didn't know she was such a bookworm when I married her. I thought she was a floozy whore. Like we all want. People can be both.

That's true. Honey, you know I'm busting your balls. There was nothing floozy about you. But I'm looking over her. I'm sitting there looking up pizza dough. How can I get to New York where you can fold it in half? And sure enough, man, the internet's unbelievable.

Whole different recipe, bread flour, fucking let it rise for 20 minutes, then in the fridge for like a day and a half or whatever. I already, I'm excited. I live an empty life. Good night. And I know I'm on my low-carb diet, but I'm trying to make a 16 inch. Like when you go to New York City, you know what I mean? You get that greasy thin slice.

Very hard to do that, but I think I got the right dough and I'll be selling this shit the way my career is going. I got a van. Dallas will drive it. We're going to go up and down Main Street. All right, let's get to the fucking horse shit. Hunter update, okay? I know we hit on this yesterday, but it was just breaking. Just a few more things has changed, so let me rip through it. Bear with me when I pretend to go to the news. Hunter update. Wednesday, first son, Hunter Biden's sweetheart plea deal, as you know, began to collapse, excuse me, like one of Pelosi's lungs, setting off a chain of events that ended in President Biden's 53-year-old son entering a plea of not guilty to tax and gun charges. So there goes the sweetheart deal.

At one point, Hunter's lawyer, Chris Clark, was he the guy with the bong? No, it's not him, threatened to tear this up. He said he threatened to tear this up right now if prosecutors didn't meet his conditions. Apparently, you know what he wanted? A bid for blanket immunity for Hunter. In other words, shit going forward, like the China stuff.

Can you fucking imagine? So this is where the judge said, what are you fucking, what are you thinking, man? And Blondie stepped in. That's why Trump's so valuable. Here come the bitch. Anyways, yeah, so she's like

U.S. District Judge Mary Ellen Noriega, who set a follow-up court date for August 25th, had been expected to quickly sign off on Hunter's sweetheart deal with the Justice Department. But instead, proceedings began to break down about 90 minutes into the three-hour hearing. A gasp emerged from reporters. Get the fuck out of here. They don't even gasp.

They don't even know what they're watching. They have to bring it back to the office and put a spin on it with their bosses. A gasp emerged. That was probably, you know who? Anybody farting, pick it. From the reporters and interested attorneys also gasped sitting in the gallery

after Noreika asked Assistant U.S. Attorney Leo Wise if there was an ongoing criminal investigation involving Hunter. Again, that guy, Wise, is for the DOJ, I think. Is that what I just said? As Delaware U.S. Attorney, David Wise has consistently said that there's an ongoing investigation.

Wise replied yes and added that if the First Sons defense team thought otherwise, then there's no deal. What we've got here is failure to communicate. Clark responded, and that's his lawyer, Hunter's lawyer, as far as I'm concerned, the plea agreement is null and void, leaving attendees stunned. Attendees. That sounds funny. And causing some journalists to throw up blood in their pants. No, to rush out of the courtroom to brief their colleagues.

It's not going our way. Somebody called fucking whoever at CNN. An attempt to resurrect the deal following a 20-minute break failed when Noriega said she needed time to analyze the terms of the revised bargain. The initial deal crumbled over two sticking points, whether Hunter could face additional future charges, such as for allegedly working as an unregistered foreign agent, which is what he was doing, and whether the two misdemeanor counts of failure to pay taxes could be decoupled from the felony charge of possessing a weapon

while addicted to a controlled substance in the first son's case, the crack cocaine case. Under the terms of the unusual agreement, Hunter would only receive two years probation on the gun charge rather than prison time. But Noriega repeatedly expressed skepticism of the first deal, asking at one point, have you ever seen a diversion agreement? That's when the fucking, I looked it up. The defendant's lawyer makes a deal with a prosecutor or something. Fuck it, Google it.

I had it last night when I went to sleep. Have you ever seen, yeah, you make another deal and it, anyways, boy, I sound stupid on that one. You ever see a diversion agreement that is so broad that it encompasses crimes in another case? Meaning a diversion deal would have, you know, it would have affected, they want, like I said, blanket immunity for the Chinese thing. That's not even what they're talking about here. That's what she meant by diversion agreement.

When the judge queried Wise about whether he knew of any precedent for such a deal, the prosecutor replied, no, your honor. If I were to reject the plea, what happens? Nor yet. The judge also asked to which Wise replied that the case would go to trial with possibility of additional charges yeah i want to hear that in the courtroom that's what this is all they thought they were going to get blanket immunity for like in the future ultimately both sides agree that the general parameters of the original deal would remain

why and that it would be specified that hunter would face no further legal exposure over his failure to pay taxes for you know five years and his drug use or illegal gun possession leaving open this is important but the possibility of future criminal counts over purported foreign lobbying, bribery, or other charges related to his dealings in countries such as Biden's son, Hunter Biden. Bad news. But to the old man's like, this fucking kid can't get anything right. So good for the judge. It's a first one I think they've cited for whatever.

Nice going. Hey, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about the passing of, if you guys are old enough to remember, a very troubled musician who left us yesterday. And I feel nothing. Also, I'll tell you what Matt Gaetz did to Mayorkas in a hearing yesterday, that if he did it on the streets, it would be a felony. But it was beautiful. He exposed the scum for what he is. That's exclusively on Mug Club,

so join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Anyways, here's one that made me laugh so hard I almost cucked myself.

That's a bitch, Mitch, is the headline. Did you guys see this yesterday? If you didn't, oh my, don't tell me you didn't have it. I didn't look up today if there was an update. Don't tell me that wasn't a mini-stroke. Senator Minority Leader Mitch McConnell

spooked reporters. That's racist. Here he is swallowing a worm. Look at this pelican face. Look at this. Why is his testicles under his chin? Anyways, leader Mitch McConnell spooked reporters Wednesday when he suddenly became silent and stone-faced during a press conference. Why am I making fun of this?

I'm about 10, 15 years away from this happening to me. I'll be sitting there watching the Sox and all of a sudden, only, he left the press conference only to return minutes later declaring I'm fine, which is another fucking lie. Added to the many that he's, you know what? This is the best thing that could happen to Republicans. I'm hoping they, he's a fucking fuck if you guys hate rhinos and shit Here's the two-facer right here when you say the Republicans are part of this

Looking at him great politician because he stayed in power all this time You can get him that much take a look at this video and boy it made me laugh He's been good bipartisan cooperation and a string of... Hello? Hello? Hello? Anybody there?

Hello? Hello? Hello? I knew you were going to love that one, Del. Somebody goes, are you good, Mitch? It was Senator, oh, Joni Ernst, Republican of Iowa, leaned in and asked to break the silence because it was awkward. Anything else you want to say or should we just go back to your coffin?

I mean, your office. Said GOP conference chairman, John Barrasso, also asked to which McConnell shook his head and shuffled back with an aid. Oh, my God. The Senate GOP leader returned toward the end of the weekly press conference on the National Defense Authorization Act. That'll make you sleep well at night, folks, and face questions about his abrupt exit.

CNN chief, congressional correspondent Manu Raju, do they hire any fucking white dudes other than Wolf Blitzer, that German Dracula? Manu Raju asked McConnell whether the brief freeze-up stemmed from an injury earlier this year when he fell off his bassinet. No, when he suffered a concussion. And McConnell said, I'm fine. Look at my chin. and McConnell said, I'm fine. Look at my chin.

McConnell aide later told reporters that the minority leader felt lightheaded and stepped away for a moment. No, no, no, no, no. Jesus Christ, how dumb do you think we are? When you get lightheaded, you don't stare off into space. The guy had a mini stroke and we're hoping a big one's coming.

Somebody get him a can of chicken fat. Anyways, but he returned to the podium to field questions the first one right to his legs he's sick this is the only guy when they play that that Democrat Republican baseball game you can't throw chin music at him. Rawr! Which has, everyone observed was sharp. So they said when he came back, he was sharp. But let me tell you something. I'm not a doctor, but you don't have to be. That guy had something.

A little electrical storm. But did that video and you guys who have watched my show for a couple years now, oh, these teeth are dingy. Did that remind you of one of my favorite videos? I was so excited when I read the story because it gives me a reason to play this. Chuck, this is my favorite clip. The market, economists, is it has to be liquidated.

We have to get rid of that. That's a burden. We have to get rid of this. We can't buy it. We can't buy it. We can't buy it. No, no, no, no. You know you're a fucking

bumbling, stuttering little fuck. You know that? Oh, the face on this guy. Oh my God, he's going to die on my show. The burden of the account. All right, all right, all right, all right. And again, I'm joking about this but I'm 61 I'm acting like that oh that's 30 40 years from now it's going to happen the next time I sit on the toilet and push I think that's how my Grammy went out like Elvis without the fanfare

you don't say Nick like Elvis, without the fanfare. You don't say, Nick. All right, let's move. How funny was that, though? Mitch, you better have a neurological workup. The guy goes, this is what happens when you're born without a chin. Around 70, you start to freeze up. Naked gunplay.

Traffic was backed up. We could have called this West Coast stupid either way. Traffic was backed up on the Bay Bridge, which I used to go over many times when I was out there with that competition for six weeks. It was so beautiful back then. Got it. Back then. Traffic was backed up on the Bay Bridge going eastbound Tuesday afternoon when a female driver got out of her car naked, black woman, of course, and fired a, that's not fair, Nick. Yeah, I don't give a fuck, and fired a gun into the air, according to the California Highway Patrol. There she is.

Looks like Marshawn Lynch from behind. like Marshawn Lynch from behind. I mean, unreal. Even for California. Look where she is, in the most dangerous lane. Oh, fucking A. According to the California Highway Police, there was a report of reckless driver, how about dresser, on eastbound Interstate 80 around 440 p.m. The caller also told 911 dispatchers the driver appeared to have a gun and a clet. Cut. Who said what? The CHP said the driver then stopped on the bridge, got out of her car while wielding a knife because she wasn't crazy enough as it was. Let's bring weapons into it. Sure you see my shrub and yelled at other drivers. She got back into the car but soon stopped because she realized she had to pay the toll. No, she stopped near a toll booth. This time the driver

allegedly exits the car naked and carrying a gun. What is she going to do the next time she goes back? Is she going to come out with a cannon? She then began firing shots into the air because this is what they do in California. Watch out because I'm... Anyways, and she started shooting at other vehicles. Let's take a look at this touchdown run in slow motion. Got out and was holding a knife and started yelling at other drivers. She got back into the car, but officers say she stopped again near the toll plaza,

got out naked and this time was carrying a gun. They say she started firing shots at other cars and up into the air. She was arrested and left the bridge in an ambulance. Why? She's just having a fun day. It's California. Newsom will give her, not only Newsom, she's not even going to get charged. Newsom will give her an apartment and make you pay for it. You know what I'm saying? Anyways, law enforcement arrested the bitch, the woman near the interstate 880 transition. And eastbound interstate 80 lanes along with 880 transition on the Bay Bridge were temporarily shut down. Well, thank you, Aisha.

That ain't no Karen. Tell you that much. That's Aisha. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to NickDip.com. I can't make it any easier for you. And join to get my full show, Steven Crowder's full show,

and a whole lot more. Because big things are coming. We'll be right back. guitar solo.