The Nick DiPaolo Show - SNL Shame #228
Episode Date: September 17, 2019SNL shoots down Shane. Grey Lady's Kavanaugh claims don't hold up. New anti-Semitic verbs has NJ in frenzy.  ...
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🎵 Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Welcome, Patreon members.
It's Tuesday in Georgia.
Don't know what it is where you are.
How you doing, everybody?
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Coming to you live,
Patreon members.
And we love you for it,
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Fuck it!
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and we'll do it live!
I want all of you
to enjoy your cake.
Distractions.
Enjoy.
Distractions.
Why is this being done now during
the show, fellas? Huh? Am I sitting in the wrong spot?
We were trying to keep it subtle. Yeah, real fucking subtle.
Quit dressing like a 12-year-old black boy when you come in here. Fucking hat on
straight. Anyhow,
what's the big news? A lot of these stories today,
things we touched on yesterday, and
we're sort of, you know,
the stories have advanced on their own,
and we want to touch on it.
Starting with SNL,
and we talked about Shane
Gillis, comic from Long
Island, who I, you know what's funny?
I reached out to him on Twitter last
night and I said, don't know your comedy. You don't know who you are, but that's not the point.
You know, I said, fuck NBC and SNL and that sinking ship. You're going to be just fine.
And he DMs me back on Twitter. He goes, I opened for you at McGuby's in 2015.
And I'm like, apologies, man.
I've done a million gigs.
I don't remember, you know, all of you guys.
So we reach out to him.
I'll have Jason reach out.
Hey, dude, are you going to fucking sit down?
What?
Oh, God, leave him out there.
This is what I'm talking about.
Folks, hold on.
I'm going to scold Rich Wood as he comes in.
Dick Wood. I really can't. He has another to scold Rich Wood as he comes in. Dick Wood.
I really can't.
He has another job.
He's like a bad comic.
He has a day job.
What's he carrying him in?
Fucking Jesus.
Let's get to the story.
Anyways, I want you to keep this in mind.
This is, hey, Rich, new rule.
If you're not here, bye.
Seriously, this goes to everybody. Before the show starts, you don't get it. Don't give me a cunty look.
It's just distracting with your $1,000 necktie and your $4,000 shirts. How do you do it? Bluffton Rich where are you
what happened I heard traffic
I didn't even see anything like I got there and there was like a guy changing a tire
and it stopped both lanes forever
anyways back to the show
in Savannah that was probably a wagon wheel he was changing
this story is from yahoo news why is that important because when i get to the end of it
i'm going to point out once again give you guys a lesson in fucking left-wing bias put up the uh
chinese photo just for flavor there you go that's that's That's Shane Gillis on stage. No.
That's an actual.
That actually existed.
Wipe that sneer off his face.
Apparently we.
Yeah, I don't know when that was written.
I don't think that guy's supposed to be Japanese, Chinese.
But listen, here's the update on this news, okay?
After talking with Shane Gillis, we have decided that he will not be joining SNL,
an SNL spokesman, on behalf of Lorne Michaels.
We have a picture of Lorne Michaels auditioning a new cast member.
There's Lorne against the wall.
He said in a statement on CNN, We want SNL to have a variety of voices and points of view within the wall. He said in a statement on CNN, we want SNL to have a variety of voices and points
of view within the show. And we hired Shane on the strength of his talent as a comedian
in his impressive audition for SNL. We were not aware of his prior remarks that have surfaced
over the past few days. The language he used is offensive, hurtful, and unacceptable. We
are sorry that we did not see these clips earlier and that our vetting process was not up to our standard.
Fucking hypocrite.
Is that right, Lorne?
How about Alec Baldwin calling a black photographer a coon and a crackhead?
Even though he denied it.
But everybody, you remember that incident?
He's been on the show many times since.
How about Tracy Morgan saying if his baby was born gay, his son, he would kill it?
He has hosted SNL since.
Does anybody see a double standard here?
Shane Gillis was an easy target for Lorne Michaels and the social justice warriors
and NBC and all these other assholes because he's a straight white Irish guy, probably Catholic.
So it was a no fucking brainer.
Because that's who gets, you talk about cancer culture, that's who gets canceled.
Okay?
So they're being fucking totally disingenuous.
Following news of his ouster, Gillis wrote on Twitter,
I'm a comedian who was funny enough to
get snl they can't take that away from me yeah you know what my sister's funny enough i'm defending
him by the way shane i'm just saying the show's so bad is my point that rich wood could fucking
host it next week he added of course i wanted an opportunity to prove myself at snl but i understand
it would be too much of a distraction.
I respect the decision they made.
I am honestly grateful for the opportunity.
I was always a mad TV guy.
That's how I know he's a comic.
He gives them a nice zing in the ass right before he gets off.
I was always a mad TV guy.
The NBC sketch show had announced Gillis higher last week,
along with the additions of new series regulars.
Chloe Fineman. Boy, I bet you she's hilarious.
And Bowen Yang,
the only full-time cast member of East Asian descent next season.
That's important.
This is how we do things now.
It's not who's the funniest, thanks to the woke left.
It's not who's just the fucking most talented.
It's what your fucking gender and skin color are. That's
what the Democrat Party, that's the marching orders. They're all one thing, folks. SNL,
NBC, the Democrat Party, they're all one fucking thing, okay? Imposing their point of view
of the world on you. And they're getting help from Google and everybody else. Okay? And poor guys like Shane Gillis are victims of it.
Straight white males, by the way.
When I read the end here, you'll see how Yahoo puts its, you know, spin on it.
News broke that afternoon of Gillis' history of making defamatory comments about Chinese.
He's got a history of it.
He said it on a couple of podcasts.
Fuck you and everything you hold near and dear to your heart Saturday Night Live.
A history of defamatory.
He's left a trail of dead Chinese gays in his backyard.
During episodes of him and his fellow comedian Matt McCusker's Matt and Shane's Secret Party.
Many took him up on his offer
when he said, you know, I'll apologize to anybody
who found this offensive.
Daniel Chun.
He's a television creator. All I
need to know is Daniel Chun
is Asian and he works in television
to know he's PC and he
probably lives in LA. And of course
he says, Chun
writes back,
I was offended, Shane.
Looking forward to your offer getting revoked, dude.
Wow, is what he said.
I suck cock and I love it.
Yummy, yummy, yummy.
I couldn't find that clip in an Asian accent.
In a tweet Monday afternoon,
Yang wrote,
oh, you know,
the presidential candidate
is going to meet with him, right?
Isn't that correct?
Andrew Yang.
I'm confusing my Asians in the story.
Daniel Chun, Yang.
Jesus Christ, MSG.
In a tweet Monday afternoon, Yang, that's the guy who's running for president. The guy that doesn't wear a necktie, who's going to give everybody a thousand bucks to
get a vote. He wrote that Gillis had reached out to him and the two planned to meet.
Gillis is just the latest example of a comedian. Here comes the Yahoo slant. I took this from Yahoo
News intentionally because it's the most biased horseshit and it pops up on everybody's phone. Another part of the plan, the propaganda. Fucking, Gillis is just the latest example of a comedian's past comments and actions gaining new attention in the online world. Okay, really? Here's some of the examples they give.
Okay, really?
Here's some of the examples they give.
Trevor Noah saw a backlash to some of his old tweets,
which were deemed offensive toward women and Jews when he took over The Daily Show in 2015.
Ooh, did he?
He saw a backlash.
He got a couple angry emails, and we heard about that for what, 10 hours?
He still has his show.
Did he get canned? Did they even think about canning him?
No, because he's a black fella.
Kevin Hart stepped down from hosting this year's Oscars
after his past homophobic tweets, sir.
He chose to step down.
They left the door open for him.
They said, if you apologize,
and luckily he had the balls not to,
but they left the door open to him.
They didn't fucking...
Do you see this as fake examples
they didn't say you're done get out no this is a double fucking standard and i want you to
understand that because i've been screaming this at the top of my lungs for 10 years now
even the interview during the daily caller and i liked it they did a great job they don't put
that fucking that was my main point or maybe they they did. I read it very fast. I was very nervous.
Here's another example.
Sarah Silverman recently revealed she was fired from a movie
after producers found a sketch
of her in blackface
on Comedy Central.
A sketch she says
she no longer supports.
They have to put that in there too.
Did Sarah Silverman's career get hurt?
Since then? Has she been blackballed or ostracized in public? No. Jewish girl.
Just being a girl is enough. I mean, woman, chick, broad, is enough. But do you see the examples I give? Trevor Noah got some pushback. Ooh. Kevin Hart, yeah, Kevin Hart chose not
to do it because he's sick of this horse whole shit Sarah Silverman's career wasn't hurt when I owed it
Alec Baldwin has used racial slurs
Pushed female fucking reporters
So you're full of shit on the left
You always have been
And I tweeted Shane Gillis saying, you're going to be fine
I should have gave you my tweet
It said, keep your chin up And and I put, no pun intended. Chin, Chinese. Got to explain it to my fucking work staff
here. Anyways, so it's all bullshit, and people are getting a little tired of it. That's why
I want to thank, once again, Jim Gaffigan and Brian Regan. When my special came out,
Brett the Fresh Air on YouTube, and it's climbing with came out, Breath of Fresh Air, on YouTube.
And it's climbing with a bullet,
as they say in the radio world.
I want to thank them for coming out.
Where is my clock, guys?
Fucking look at this kid.
He's right out of an MTV sketch.
Look at him.
D, come over here.
My fans are going to tell me you've got to be nuts.
Look at this kid D, come over here. My fans are going to tell me you've got to be nuts.
Look at this kid.
What the fuck?
Does that say fucking Georgia or what, folks?
Graduated first in his class.
Second.
Anyhow, that's all I have to say on that. The point being, don't pretend that Kevin Hart or Trevor Noah or any other black, gay, female comic
are held to the same standards a Shane Gillis is.
Do we have that straight, ladies and gentlemen?
God damn.
You know you want crazy motherfucking watchmen.
Yes, that's why I can't get a special on Comedy Central.
Let's get to the politics.
It's all, it's all.
How about we covered the story yesterday that, right, there's two broads, and I don't mean broad.
By the way, gay women like the term broads.
Even Jason's laughing.
I'd known a few lesbians.
I dated a few.
I turned them into lesbians.
They don't mind the term broad.
This is what Judy Gold told me and a couple other gays.
It's like a sign.
It's strong, strong, broad.
But, again, we have a whole new wave
of cunty new feminists who
oh, that's what they used to say in the 50s.
Yeah, that's exactly right. Can I get more mayo
on that BLT, you fucking rat
bastard?
I'm all
over the place. Anyways, we
talked about, they said they
have a new, a big allegation, right?
About Brett Kavanaugh.
They want to impeach him because this woman came out saying that, you know, somebody pushed his penis into her hand.
And it was reviewed by the NFL.
They said she had one.
He had one nut on the line and went out of bounds.
Anyways.
The New York Times has since since yesterday corrected it okay and uh the 2020
democrats who are running for president they they're even sticking to their guns after the
correction they make me very angry i grabbed this microphone i beat your brains out with it because
that's what you deserve that's what deserves. The Democrats running for president who quickly called for Supreme Court
Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh's impeachment over the weekend
aren't backing down despite the New York Times issuing a major revision
to its blockbuster story that ignited the demands in the first place.
For the most part, those candidates are not even acknowledging the story update.
They're just fucking children.
Many of the major 2020 Democratic candidates for president over the weekend released statements calling for Congress to impeach Kavanaugh,
citing the Times reporting of an uncorroborated and disputed college-era allegation of sexual misconduct as a reason to impeach.
But late Sunday, the paper, that's right, the New York Times, revised its
portrayed blockbuster story to include this little fact. This is what they skipped over, this little
detail, that several friends of the alleged victim said she told them she did not recall the reported
sexual assault in question. They left that out when pumping up this book that these two broads wrote.
When pumping up this book that these two broads wrote.
Oh, my God.
But that didn't prompt Democrats to revise or walk back their calls.
In one case, billionaire environmentalist Tom Steyer called for impeachment proceedings even after the Times updated the story.
This is what this twat had to say. If the only way to get the truth is to launch an impeachment process
for Justice Kavanaugh,
I support starting that process
immediately, Steyer said
on Monday.
And I say this to him.
Prove that you wealthy college boys
don't have the education enough
to admit when you're wrong.
That was Quinter.
Chief. Chief.
Mayor.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Fox News reached out to the Democrats who called for impeachment over the weekend
and asked the douchebag candidates if they'd change their position
from being bent over a table and fucked in the ass by NBC, and they said,
in light of the newspaper's editor's note, none have responded yet.
You know why? Because they're little, cowardly, lying cocksuckers
who will do anything for power.
Right here you see a picture of Kavanaugh go, sniff my middle finger.
Sniff it. I dare you, Kamala.
Kamala Harris, who said over the weekend that Kavanaugh, he must be impeached, did not back down in a new tweet Monday because she's a black broad who can say anything she wants.
The reality of Kavanaugh's confirmation process is that it lacked any integrity.
There has never been a meaningful investigation into these allegations.
We need the truth, she said.
You can't handle the truth!
The Times piece by Robin Pogrebin and Kate Kelly,
adapted from their forthcoming book,
asserted that Kavanaugh classmate, Clinton-connected,
non-profit CEO Max Steyer,
saw Mr. Kavanaugh with his pants down
at a different drunken dorm party
where friends
pushed his penis into the hand of a female student.
The Times did not mention Steyer's work as a Clinton defense attorney or his legal battles
with Kavanaugh during the Whitewater investigation.
Another little fucking tidbit that might have been important to the story.
The New York Times, people still, the paper of record,
broken fucking record, lying, motherless, goo goblers,
each and every one.
Why am I dressed like a meat in the Gambino's for lunch?
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
About this, uh...
About this Shane Gillis thing.
Chink.
Jew chink.
I'm gonna make the business
for the chinks and the Jews.
Use this type of language all the time.
Give it to Clemenzi.
I'll take care of it.
He was fired, huh?
Oh, maybe, uh,
Lord Michaels has a horse in the Hamptons, huh?
Wake up with a gay 12-year-old boy's head in his belly.
I lost my space
Anyways
listen to the
however the Times article
also initially
did not mention that
Pope Graham and Kelly's book
found that the female student
in question
did not recall
the fucking
allegation
can you fucking imagine
problem
you're the fucking problem
you fucking doctor
why onking jam rag
onking spunk bubble I'm telling you H you keep looking at me I'm gonna put you're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you.
Not this time.
a forthcoming book did not include one element of the book's account regarding an assertion by a Yale classmate that friends of Brett Kavanaugh pushed his penis into the hand of
a female student at a drunken dorm party.
The book reports that the female student declined to be interviewed, and friends say that she
does not recall the incident.
That information has been added to the article.
Can you imagine?
Can you fucking imagine?
I mean, they are just, they'll do anything.
And again, they're trying to undermine, this is a lot of people's theories,
you know, Kavanaugh, when he sits, if an abortion case comes up,
it's going to undermine his opinion because, you know,
he stuck his dick in girls' hands that weren't waiting for it.
How do you do that, by the way?
I need more details.
Was it hard?
How many hands pushed it into the other hand?
Was the girl like this, like a homeless person waiting for some cock?
I mean, did the balls touch your lifeline?
Did she giggle and give it a tug?
Seriously, help me out here. I need something to jerk off to. What? Did she giggle and give it a tug? Seriously.
Help me out here.
I need something to jerk off to.
What?
Still, the early reporting ignited an avalanche of impeachment calls.
Oh, former HUD Secretary Julian Castro, you know, the gay Mexican guy,
whatever he is, plucks his eyebrows and waxes them.
It's more clear than ever that Brett Kavanaugh lied under oath.
He should be impeached, and Congress should review the failure of the Department of Justice to properly investigate that.
That's what he said, the big girl, and I've had it with him.
He's a fag.
We don't know that, Tony.
We don't know that.
Senator Massachusetts titless wonder, olive oil elizabeth warren she said last year the kavanaugh nomination was rammed through the they keep saying rammed through the senate
the fucking was the thing was on tv like roots it was a mini-series you fucking lying motherless
fucks fuck you there was never a more intensive vetting of a fucking guy for the Supreme Court
ever. So ram this down your throat, you jizzbags. Fucking A.
Why did he do that? Well, I don't know. I'm just trying to fucking...
Confirmation, she says, is not exoneration.
And these newest revelations are disturbing.
Like the man who appointed him.
Kavanaugh should be impeached.
That's what the titless wonder had to say.
You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt.
Are you that sneaky cunt?
She's cute.
Said and true, but I need to tell you, you're a motherfucking cunt.
You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Motherfucking cunt. Not cute. Everybody knows from the head to the toes. All righty.
Right here, right here on our stage, a great friend of mine from the Cambridge area.
She's got a D minus cup.
Cambridge area. She's got a D minus cup. I wish she was Indian. That means her liver would give out. Fucking Mama Luke. Look, I'm out of breath. Let's get a cigarette. I coughed
up a clam again last night. It would have taken two cans of breadcrumbs to get this thing.
Deke almost fucking dry heaved.
Anyways, can you imagine that?
Even after correcting the article in the Times, the fucking dumb candidates.
And you're going to vote for them, people?
You're still going to?
Because you don't care what's good for the country.
You just want to be right right you want your team to win
hate to be such a partisan but right now the left is right here
right here in the right front of my eye from the san francisco area
did you ever hear that story about uh i think i've told this before, but it's one of my favorites.
Jackie Mason was on the Ed Sullivan show, and he gave the finger to the, do you guys remember this?
He gave the finger to Ed Sullivan, supposedly.
He says he didn't, and whatever.
John Beiner was the other guest on the show.
John Beiner's a great impressionist back then.
And he was outside the dressing room after the show.
He heard Ed Sullivan went into Jackie Mason's dressing room and was chewing him out.
John Bonham was listening.
And he says, he goes, yeah, I was outside.
And I go, you Jew cocksucker.
You little kike.
You'll never work in this business again, you cocksucker.
You Jew mother.
again, you cocksucker.
You Jew mother.
Speaking of Jews,
here's a segue you don't hear on the fucking local
eyewitness news.
This just in, Tom.
Two Trenton officials
say Jew her down
just a normal phrase.
Hates Jews. Hates Jews.
Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you.
That was the argument they were having at Trenton.
Lines are being drawn over city councilwoman using the phase, it says, not phrase, the phase.
This is considered journalism in 2019.
The phrase Jew her down with two of her peers on the council saying it's just a normal phrase.
So right there I'm going, why is this?
The article is going to continue.
The headline says that, you know, it's just a normal phrase.
And I'm going, they're actually having a debate.
You know me, I'm all for free're actually having a debate. You know me.
I'm all for free speech.
I don't believe words here.
And anybody, you're just a bunch of, should be able to say that and worse, in my opinion.
But in this day and age of political correctness, a politician say, I can see why people would take offense to it, right?
So I'm reading the article going, why is there a debate going on?
Because I know, like the point I made in the last story, if it was a white guy, he'd be gone booted.
Sure enough, I get here today, Jason pulls up the woman.
That's who said it.
Once again, backing my theory that when you're a female or a black or whatever, a black female, you don't automatically get canned.
She hasn't got canned yet.
Imagine the discussion whether this...
Do you get my point? If that was
a white broad, she would have been canned. Do you get it?
Unless she was Jewish.
But there she is. That's
Esther Roll from Good Times.
No, I'm sorry.
It's Weezy Jefferson. I'm sorry.
Lines are being drawn over City College i'm using the face of the but they found a picture she has i think she might be anti-semitic here's a picture she had in her office
that's some reason david tells headshot
he's a friend of mine and he would love that that's a joke um listen this. I'm sad for her that they were able
to wait her. This is what she said. This is what she got in trouble for. Picture this.
This is a councilwoman saying this. I'm sad for her that they were able to wait her out
and Jew her down for twenty two thousand worth of pins in her knee that that can never, ever
be repaired. I am so sad for her as a Trenton resident. The Globe
reported, her name's McBride,
cited
a recording of the meeting.
She actually
said that, and again, there's a discussion
whether she should be fired or not.
Which in a perfect world, she
shouldn't, I'm saying, but again,
we're not in a perfect world. We're an anti-
white fucking when it comes to PC world.
Senator Bob Menendez on Monday was the latest to criticize McBride and called her use of
the term as offensive during a press conference. He says, these are the tropes that get used
against the Jewish community that create the insipiency of anti-Semitic remarks, he said.
community that create the insipiency of anti-Semitic remarks, he said.
They just have no place, and I don't expect any public official to make such a type of comment.
But then, you know, they have him on the mic saying this.
It seems foolish to have all this money lying around.
Oh, you'd rather have it down at the bank where the Jewish guys can leer at it?
So we can rule him out.
Mayor Reid Gushara told Jersey 105 he asked McBride to apologize as comments such as that have no place in public discourse.
See, she gets a chance to apologize please pick up on my then nobody
else would i'm telling you hates jews hates jews kashore said that mcbride has issued an apology
to the attorney involved in the executive session but mcbride also had her defenders on the council
do do we know what robin vaughn looks? She's black as well. Is she really?
There you go.
There you go, folks.
I could have told you this without even fellow council member Robin Vaughn in a Facebook comment.
And the Trentonian reference showing a screenshot said she hadn't heard the comment but didn't consider it advice against Jews.
Here's where black people can't be objective when it comes to shit like this.
And I give them credit. They stick
together like this, like the Jews do.
Only people who don't
stick together like this in these beefs, white people.
Go ahead, Rich. Say something
stupid. I mean, go ahead. We can't even
say black people because it says
there's black in it. We can't say African-American
because they're Americans.
We can't say color, definitely, because it's not the
1950s. But they can say Jew instead can't say color, definitely, because it's not the 1950s.
But they can say Jew instead of Jewish.
First of all, 90% of your premise is correct.
But who says you can't say blacks, Rich?
Come on.
There are arguments out there that you can't even say blacks anymore. Okay, three people.
98% of black people are fine with the word blacks.
So what would you call them if you can't say colored black? Don't say it. I don't want to get canned on my own show.
I say colored folk. And when they get mad, I go, don't you call yourself people of color?
Well, how is colored wrong? It's semantics. It's semantic bullying. They're having their way with us.
I can't wait to get off the planet.
Anybody?
Uber?
Please?
This show is tremendous.
There's a lot of stuff I like in here.
But as far as Rich Wood goes,
hates Jews.
Hates Jews.
But Robin Vaughn, another black woman stuck with her sister.
We really need to get a more acute meaning and understanding of anti-Semitic.
You don't understand the term anti-Semitic?
Maybe you shouldn't be in politics.
Holy shit.
She looks like a power forward for the Rockets.
What the hell is that?
You have a bird's nest on you.
Kind of pretty, but Jesus, you got the teeth of Aziz Ansari.
She says, I believe her comment, Jude Don, was more in reference.
Listen to her explanation. Now, again, if it was a Jew down, was more in reference to, listen to her explanation.
Now, again, if it was a white woman, a Gentile, whatever,
given this explanation of what Jew down me,
she says, was more in reference to negotiating, not I hate Jews.
Inappropriate in today's PC culture, absolutely,
but to Jew someone down is a verb.
Like monkeying around.
And is not anti-anything or indicative of hating Jewish people, Vaughn wrote.
Can you fucking imagine that she hasn't been canned yet?
I'm just pointing out the double standard.
Councilman George Moscow, what color is he, Jason?
councilman george moscow what color is he jason he's heard the term many times and called it a statement of speech for what is the statement
of speech jason you're a writer it's redundant that's what that is exactly right oh my god
oh my god he said he he did not hear mcbride make the comment expect and expected her to apologize
he says you know it's like a car dealer let's think here's his example if he's not hear McBride make the comment and expected her to apologize. He says, you know, it's like a car
dealer. Here's his example.
If he's not black, I'm green.
It's like a car dealer.
They wanted five grand and you drew them down
to four thousand. I think he might have watched
my special. Huh?
Let's show the
clip of my special right now. Hold on.
Let me set it up.
I talk about the left
telling,
when you're a right-winger, you lean right in your
pocket and you use, you know,
globalist,
they tell you it's code for...
If you lean right in your politics,
people on the left say, when you use
the word globalist, that's code for Jew.
Now they're
telling me what my words fucking mean.
Although they might have a point.
I was trying to sell my car the other day.
This guy was really globaling me down.
You fat fuck.
I told them no camera shots from up.
Jesus Christ, it's the only one they used.
I fucking starved two weeks to do that special.
And you know what happens?
You get dehydrated.
You drink a bottle of water before the special.
You know what happens?
Your face retains it.
I read a whole article fucking 20 years ago.
Why are you shaking your head?
That's exactly what happens.
When you're dehydrated, you drink something.
It fucking, especially guys like me.
What the fuck?
Am I really that heavy?
Camera adds 10 pounds. Yes, it does.
Not 100 pounds, which I have there.
Add it to my
cock hole.
Anyways, who else wants to weigh in? Oh, another
black fella. Now I see
why, well, I should have put it together. It's Trenton.
Councilman at large,
Jarrell Blakely, in a
statement called on both Muscal and McBride to resign.
Here's a picture of him.
Look at that shit-eating grin.
You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?
Look at that smile.
They should put a flag behind him like it's his uh middle school picture at sears she said you down i say we fire that motherfucker of course he's against it because
you know he's breaking my theory he's not sticking with the two black sisters
but uh he believes in censorship of course course. Councilman Muscow's, this is his quote, unrepentant, unapologetically vile anti-Semitic rhetoric has no place in American political discourse. His comments rely on dangerous anti-Semitic tropes of Jews as parsimonious and swindlers.
parsimonious, and swindlers.
With anti-Semitic attacks and hate crimes on the rise.
Listen to this shit.
Listen to this shit.
I cannot stand silent on the issue.
His comments have brought embarrassment and shame to the Trenton City Council and his constituents.
His vicious anti-Semitism has...
Listen to this fucking hyperbole.
Why don't you fucking go back to Wendy's
and make somebody
a nice classic?
His vicious anti-Semitism
has no place
and God knows
what other statements
of speech he finds appropriate
for the public square.
You're a wormy cocksucker.
You know that?
I am not.
I'm just doing my job
as a journalist.
Bringing it hard, yo.
By the way, folks, if you want to see me live, which you really should.
I'm like the Rolling Stones.
I'm in my late 70s, and I beat her out nicely.
Go to nickdip.com.
Coming up Thursday, September 26th, I'm going to be at Wise Guys Comedy Club, Salt Lake City.
First time ever.
Very excited about that.
Then the next night, the 27th of September, and the next night after that, the 28th, up at the Comedy Works in Las Vegas, Nevada.
That's the grand opening.
My buddy Jimmy Florentine is there this week and doing the soft opening.
That's how my manager explained it to me after I yelled at him.
Thursday, October 10th, Levity Live, Nyack, New York.
Friday, October 11th.
Where are the new dates, Jason?
Do you write anything down?
I haven't gotten anything in yet.
Get the...
Don't...
I want you to be proactive.
Get on the goddamn phone.
All right, fine.
Yeah.
Don't get fucking cute with me.
All right, fine. You don't have a fucking cute with me. All right, fine.
You don't have a choice, I'm telling you.
I'll fucking replace you tomorrow with the guy next to you.
Look at him, he's well capable of doing it.
All right, let me take that back.
Friday, October 11th, the Strand Theater, Seymour, Connecticut.
Friday, November 15th, the Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York.
Saturday, November 16th, the Comedy Works, Saratoga Springs, New York.
New Year's Eve, Tarrytown Music Hall in Tarrytown, New York.
Friday, January 24th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut.
That's 2020, by the way.
Saturday, the, I don't want to read these anymore.
The 15th, the Kelsey Theater in fucking Florida.
I know there's new ones on there.
I've been reading this fucking thing for fucking two months.
Wonder why I'm selling my house
and living in a lean-to under the fucking...
Can you tell the coke is kicking in?
I like the black and white look.
Rich just gives me...
Look how you're dressed.
What is that, an AIDS test?
You just... Like he's the... He's got the fucking, got a pair of chinos on, like he's a Subaru dealership member.
Let me tell you about Rich Wood.
He's the guy in American Psycho.
He buys nothing but, I tried to make coffee at his apartment.
An MIT scientist started crying, trying to help me. It's called a Jura. It's called a what?
Jura. It's called the Jura? You're a jerk. That's how he thinks he's going to get laid,
like some drunken, dumb cunt he drags home is going to go, is that a Jura? She wouldn't know that.
drags home is going to go, is that a Jera?
She wouldn't know that.
She wouldn't know that from a, what's the one everybody uses? The Craig,
what is it? Keurig. Yeah, the Keurig.
Is that a Jera? Let me suck
your cock now. Those are fresh beans.
That actually happened. No, yeah,
it did. A guy named Dave. I saw him leaving.
And that wasn't cream
on his upper lip, you fucking
bitch.
Best show on the Internet.
Let's get to some fucking...
City Commissioner, replace male statues in Central Park with women.
This is coming out of fucking New York.
Does that surprise you?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
A member of the commission that oversees art and architecture on city property suggested Monday that instead of simply adding statues of historical female figures to Central Park, the panel yank out some of the male ones first.
What happens if you move in a male statue and his dick actually goes into the hand of a female statue?
You fucking hang, hang, hang, hang, hang, hang.
There are what, five or six male statues?
Here's where we are.
In cities like New York run by people like de Blasio.
We're counting the number of male versus female statues.
Here's where we are.
Meanwhile, Iran is building drones that are going to draw bags of ricin on each and every one of us.
We'll be in the park trying to
remove a statue of some guy and we'll get...
Have a bag. Is that pigeon shit?
No, it's ricin. Look at the drone.
Fucking three feet away from your head with a
picture of fucking Bin Laden on it.
Ah...
There are five...
We're counting the fucking statues.
Replaced by individual statues of each of these women, said Hank Willis Thomas,
a painter who serves on the Public Design Commission at a hearing at City Hall.
Let me guess what color he is.
Do we have a picture of him?
Oh, there he goes.
There he is.
I suck cock, and I love it.
Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.
I don't know that, but I'm making a guess.
Thomas appeared to be specifically fingering...
Ooh, statues.
Apparently there are more girl statues in there.
Including that of Scottish poet Robert Burns.
Let's go after the whitest Scottish poet.
Let's make a real example.
You fucking racist.
In the park's literary row,
and the one of Christopher Columbus in the park,
near the famed second one of the Explorer and Columbus Circle for removal.
He wants to remove the second.
There was two of them.
I didn't even realize that.
I remember peeing on one of them when I was drunk in New York.
Who said that?
Who the fuck said that?
Who's the slimy little communist shit-twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?
Hank Willis Thomas.
But Mayor de Blasio, who created monumental hoopla when he opened the door to possibly removing what some groups deemed offensive statues by creating an advisory panel, he refused to back the notion.
It's even too ridiculous for him. De Blasio fueled the controversy over potentially removing statues such as those of Columbus by creating an advisory panel.
You just said that in the other paragraph, you fuck.
Moments throughout the five, ba-ba-ba-ba, fucking ba-ba-ba.
What do I have to say to fucking de Blasio?
Me fuck you in your bone spurs.
In the end, his panel suggested just one statue be removed,
that of 19th century Dr. J. Marion Sims,
who experimented on enslaved black women from Central Park.
Oh, I read that wrong.
I thought he was doing experiments on fucking slave women in Central Park
back then before Central Park existed.
His advisory panel also said descriptions accompanying other questionable figures
be tinkered with to note both sides of this story.
So the little plaques, you can spend fucking 20 minutes reading those going,
but she did this even though she was a slave and she contributed this way,
whereas this white guy was taking a dump on her head
when she's trying to invent the peanut sifter.
Oh, fuck me in the ass and call it a love story.
Then there was a movement to increase the presence of the female statues and two names
of women's rights pioneers, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony were pitched.
Central Park currently has 23 statues, all male.
That is just sexist and must, what does it matter?
You know the beauty of it, whether it's a male statue, a female statue, a black guy, a white,
you know what the beauty of it is?
They're all going to be covered in pigeon shit.
Not going to matter.
They're all going to look white.
Even the black guys. They're going to have. They're all going to look white. Even the black guys.
They're going to have white face
from oily pigeons,
flying rats,
eating garbage in the Bronx
and then flying over
and dropping a huge turd
on Susan B. Anthony's face.
It'll look like a fucking compilation
of cum shots.
Having so much fun today.
Then there was a movement to but the proposed double female
statue met resistance. Listen to this.
They're reading each other.
So, you know, they want to do a double
female statue, but that meant resistance for not including
a woman of color
so spray paint gold on the mother
so there were calls for abolitionists
a sojourner truth to be added
you all know about sojourner truth
sounds like a wide receiver for the jets
she was an abolitionist she was a woman of color you know what I'm saying journal of truth. Sounds like a wide receiver for the Jets.
She was an abolitionist.
She was a woman of color.
You know what I'm saying?
That's what she was.
And I'm all for it.
A. She was a hooah.
B. She was a hooah.
That's not true. She was an abolitionist.
That was
somebody else speaking.
What's the matter, guys?
All blushing?
Go ahead, Rich.
Let it fly, you big dope.
When Martin Luther King Jr. was at those rape parties, how come his statues aren't taken down yet?
Yeah, I made that point on the fucking—
I know you made that point.
That's why I'm just reminding you.
Well, don't—I like something fresh out of your mouth.
When Martin Luther King Jr. was at his dirty parties,
how come they didn't take down his thing?
Well, again, I came up with that.
If I didn't call you on it,
you would have been trying to take credit for that.
I have a Twitter.
You don't have a Twitter?
What does that mean?
Nobody has a Twitter. We have a Twitter account. Well, you tweet with a Twitter. Tweet have a Twitter. You don't have a Twitter? What does that mean? Nobody has a Twitter.
We have a Twitter account.
Well, you tweet with a Twitter.
Tweet with a Twitter.
Yeah, she can get them at Walmart.
They're right in the Twitter section.
Next to the Instagram puzzles.
Why don't you return that fucking tie to Target, you cheesy dick?
It's a Snapchat tie.
Yes, you're a Snapchat tie.
I don't even... That was so stupid,
I'm laughing at it.
This might be the best show of the fucking year, ladies and gentlemen.
Anyways, as far as the
statues, fuck you.
Whoever wants to take down
the Christopher Columbus statue.
De Blasio opened this can of worms.
You can add women, but you're just gonna
add women, you know, just going to add women.
You know, fame it.
Put up a Pam Anderson statue.
Stacia Czernicki, she was a great female Polish bowler.
Put that statue up.
Here's why I want them.
Here's why I want.
Here's the brilliant take on this.
Jot it down.
Here's why I want more people of color statues, more female statues.
You know why?
So we have something to rip down, too, when we're angry.
Right now we couldn't, right?
You go into Central Park, they're all male, they're all fucking, you know.
But the first time I see somebody getting beaten by 12 black guys outside of the fucking Minneapolis stadium,
I'm going to go tear down, what's her name, Sojourner?
That would be Sojourner Truth.
Sojourner Truth.
Again, she had 11 catches for 121 yards against the Bears.
Speaking of women, ladies and gentlemen,
a woman with a post-traumatic stress disorder
fights Missouri City Law to keep her three emotional support monkeys.
She needs them.
Monkeys, you know, they support her emotionally.
You know, it's all about feelings and touchiness, and I say...
You know what? I wet my ass with your feelings.
A Missouri woman and her doctor say her three emotional support monkeys are vital to her mental well-being,
but her neighbors worry the primates are dangerous.
Texan McBride, T-Han, can you just fucking...
How about Sally Jones, you whore?
That's her name?
Texan McBride Tehan? I hope the
monkeys tear her eyes out.
She lives in wherever.
Shitville, USA.
Creep,
co-worm, whatever. With three monkeys
which are all registered as emotional
support animals to help with their post
traumatic stress. Here's an idea.
Get rid of the fucking chimps and find a husband.
Get a few drinks and you get on a local bar,
you might get a prick stuck in you.
Then you can use some guy as your emotional tampon.
As the once great Sam Kinison said,
that might be my favorite poetry ever.
She says they are not dangerous animals as she tried to speak through a breathing hole in her neck.
They are trained.
They assist me.
I have PTSD because of something that happened to me, a very bad thing that happened to me a long time ago.
I'm guessing you were attacked by some monkeys.
It happened to me a long time ago.
I'm guessing you were attacked by some monkeys.
McBride Tehan says she lived and trained with monkeys for 20 years,
and it wasn't until she moved to Creve Coeur a month ago that a neighbor complained.
That neighbor who saw one of the monkeys outside was worried about it attacking and called the city. Can I put my two cents in right here?
I'm with the neighbor.
I am scared shit of these monkeys.
They brought one on the set when I did Louie.
The scene was supposed to be me reacting to the monkey being scared because I really am scared.
After I saw what happened to that lady's face.
And that was the best joke I ever wrote.
I'll tell you guys after.
I was scared shit.
I'm still scared shit of what they can do to you.
And they brought one on the set at Louis,
and that was supposed to be the scene we're playing poker,
and somebody shows up with a monkey, and I freak out.
And the guy who we had a professional trainer that worked with a monkey,
and he says right before we shoot the scene,
well, if it gets a little chaotic, he might, like, get angry.
And literally, like, the better I acted scared,
the more the thing would have a chance to attack me.
That's when Louie stepped in and went, okay.
Going to lose my nose and lips to do a Louie episode?
Cut to me being interviewed.
I don't know.
They said the thing was fine.
I don't know.
How are you saying it?
Fucking thing jumped off the table.
Here's the story of the news.
Fuck it.
Let's play it.
All right, so this woman says she has trained monkeys for 20 years
and that they've always lived with her, even at her current Kreef Corps home.
She says it wasn't until about a month ago, after she'd already moved there,
that a neighbor noticed one of her monkeys outside and called the city.
I noticed your monkey outside.
She's a bonnet macaque, and she's eight.
Kaliana is one of three monkeys living in Texan McBride Tehan's Creve Coeur home.
You okay?
Got something in your eye?
Yes, I do.
All are registered as emotional support animals to help with her PTSD.
It's a wild animal.
They belong in zoos, you know, or in their natural habitat.
Jim Henshaw lives next door.
His neighbors are so upset about the monkeys, worried they might attack,
they brought it up at this
city council meeting.
See the teeth on that fucker?
You see the chompers?
Like Beto O'Rourke.
See those little
they look so cute and innocent. You see the
teeth on that fucker? Who did we
have in this show, Jason?
We were looking at pictures of a paw.
Somebody had eye teeth like that.
Rich, you remember?
No?
All right, go ahead.
Or Texan defended her animals.
They are not dangerous animals.
They are trained.
They assist me.
I have PTSD because of something that happened to me, a very bad thing that happened to me a long time ago.
According to the city of Creepore, non-human primates are considered inherently dangerous animals,
along with lions, alligators, and pythons.
Get that thing away from me.
So none are allowed in residential areas.
That's why the city cited Texan.
According to this note, Texan's doctor says,
I have prescribed Ms. McBride-Tehan to keep one or more primates to serve as emotional support animals.
It is my professional opinion that the presence of these animals is a necessary treatment for the mental health of Ms. McBride-Tehan.
Yeah, you don't live next to the bride.
I believe in the rule of law.
I do too.
If they're considered a dangerous animal.
That's a neck I'm going to have in three weeks.
Nasty hepatitis. they shouldn't be here texan says her monkeys would never hurt any oh yeah monkeys would never hurt anybody let's show a picture of her neighbor
who went to pet one fucking lady right here petted like there you go yeah it wouldn't hurt anybody
fucking jesus fucking christ that's the picture that scared the shit out of me There you go. Yeah, it wouldn't hurt anybody. Fucking. Jesus fucking Christ.
That's the picture that scared the shit out of me.
Delicious.
Delicious.
Thank you.
Me fuck you and your bone spurs.
That's what a little monkey did.
They look so cute and innocent.
I know the one that attacked his leg.
He's a little bit bigger and shit. And I don't know. That looks so cute and innocent. I know the one that attacked his leg was a little bit bigger and shit.
And, uh,
I don't know. That looks like it stings.
That scared the
living shit out of me.
Imagine somebody
met her on fucking Tinder.
That was her profile pic.
I like long walks in the woods and stitches.
What's with the towel?
What is that?
All right, get it down.
It's making me craving a sloppy joe.
Son of a whore!
Ay, ay, ay.
I'm with the neighbor on that one.
Those things look so cute, the baby faces, those soft eyes.
And then when they show the teeth of a great white shark.
Anybody?
Scared of the monkey?
Would you pet that thing, Rich?
I would be more scared of the sugar gliders that you talk about all the time.
Why is that, Rich? Because they could leap.
Yeah, they could leap. They weigh two ounces. I could kill them with a tennis racket.
They're like little bats. I know what they are, you dink. I could kill it with a tennis racket.
One swipe. See the difference?
They don't hurt it. They love to be petted, the little fucking things.
Let's move on.
My point against that's an emotional.
How about this?
That emotional support monkey, right?
It makes me nervous.
Do my feelings count anymore?
It makes me uncomfortable like a black college student on a campus.
I'm uncomfortable when you bring on your emotional support monkey.
Now what's going to happen is I'm going to
have to top your animal that's making
with mine.
So now I have to bring on whatever kills those monkeys.
Now I, you know, now I'm
boarding a Delta flight with
two mongooses and a fucking
elk.
I don't know.
Look at the choppers.
Let me try this joke again.
I think you get a gorilla.
Yeah, I know.
Thanks, Rich.
Jesus Christ.
Take it down.
I don't even have a joke for it.
I remember a girl who blew me with teeth like that in college.
71 stitches to put the head of it back on.
Let's get on to my favorite receiver and asshole.
Antonio Brown is in trouble again.
What did I miss?
What happened?
Pittsburgh doctor claims Antonio Brown repeatedly farted in his face
and owes him 11-5. Is Antonio
Brown just a walking black
stereotype?
Just a great
athlete, fucking negative body fat.
He's up for fucking being charged, you know,
alleged rape, farting in
white doctor's faces.
A
Monroeville's doctor, Dr. Vic's Dr. Vic Prisk has filed a lawsuit in Pennsylvania claiming that Brown owes him
$11,500 in unpaid fees.
Well, that's unusual.
Not only that, according to the New York Post, Dr. Prisk claims Brown repeatedly farted in
his face and laughed about it during a consultation where he showed up three hours late.
So, again, I don't mean to draw conclusions.
He's three hours late.
He's got negative body fat.
He's a zillionaire.
He's alleged rape, rapist, and he's farting in doctors' faces.
Loves bling.
But I'm not going to draw any conclusions.
I'm not going to connect the dots and say that describes about every wide receiver I've seen in the last hundred years.
Dr. Priss said he was wary of signing Brown.
Why would you sign him?
What are you, a GM?
You're a doctor, you jerk-off.
What kind of doctor is this?
Antonio Brown was picked in the third round of Dr. Prisca's draft.
He traded up a too-fat woman he's going to do gynecological work on.
He said he was wary of signing Brown because of his flighty reputation for not paying bills.
But, again, if he refused to, he'd be called a racist and drummed out of the business.
But TMZ has video of the doc's appointment.
Watch this.
This fucking Antonio Brown is out of his mind.
Let's see here.
My bad, though.
Shit, he's fucking dead. I didn't even get that one.
You're so mean there.
It's pretty freaking low.
Those are bodybuilders.
This is pretty freaking low.
I gotta stay away.
Damn.
I had a lot of fiber, bro.
There was two farts.
What happened on the first one?
The first one happens really fast.
Was it on there?
Yeah, I'll play it again.
Go ahead.
Jason's like, I came here, I went to college, and I'm going.
Let me play the fart clip a second time.
I had a cigarette.
I'm on my bed, though. All right. I didn't see you. I'm a bad dog.
All right.
All right.
I thought somebody moved a chair in the office.
That was a fucking fart.
It sounded like a...
Who sat on the duck?
I'll tell you.
I don't want to hear it, Rich.
You're fucking unfunny.
Here, it's for you.
Oh, God.
What a jerk, huh?
The doctor said it just seemed...
By the way, he has 3% body fat.
Again, and I don't even know that he's juicing.
There's some guys that, you know...
Again, not to be racist,
but the guy's living on cherry Coke and Dorito chips
and Popeye's chicken chicken and he's shredded.
I keep forgetting Deke's coming here from his fucking night job as a watchman at the zoo.
Anyways, he says it seemed childish to me.
I'm a doctor and this man's frotting in my face.
Prisk runs Prisk Orthopedics and Wellness
in Monroeville. He filed
this is him. This is the doctor.
That's him on the right.
So this guy juices. I want
to meet this fucking doctor.
I'm ready to start juicing again.
I say again, I never
juice. I mean, I
used to juice. I put a carrot in there.
Magic bullet.
That's not the same.
But that's the doctor.
Anyways.
But as you guys know, there's more problems.
Sports Illustrated report details the story of an anonymous woman who claimed she was hired by Brown to paint a mural of him in his Pittsburgh home.
This is another accusation.
According to the report, Brown flirted with her
and made her uncomfortable before the atmosphere curdled.
The woman told Sports Illustrated that she was kneeling and painting
when she turned to find Brown standing behind her butt naked,
holding a small hand towel over his genitals.
And so that's another woman coming forward.
Christy,
get down on your knees so
Sabrina can see your asshole.
That was
Antonio Brown's voice.
Finally
tonight, let's end it with one more.
Oh my God, it's 12.02.
Real quickly, because we did
this story yesterday about the attacks on the oil fields in Saudi Arabia.
And my take is, fuck the Saudis.
I wish we would let go of their hand.
Since we have all this energy now with the number one world exporter of energy, and we frack, and that's all I've been hearing, we really don't need the Middle East, blah, blah, blah.
If that's true, please, can we let go of the people
that attacked us on 9-11?
Quit pretending we're friends,
you know,
in a country where they stone women
if they show two inches of ankle and shit.
I really don't think
we need them.
But what's creepy about,
first of all,
Telsey Gabbard came out
and strips Trump on Iran threats.
She says, the latest round of Trump tweets threatening military action in response to attacks on Saudi Arabia
prompted a fire response from the Democratic presidential contender.
Replying directly to Trump on Twitter, Tulsi Gabbard slammed the president for, in her view,
seeking marching orders with regard to a potential strike against
Iran following the attack on the Saudi oil plant.
Trump, this is what she put in her tweet, quote, Trump awaits instructions from Saudi
masters.
Having our country act as Saudi Arabia's bitch is not America first.
I fucking love this girl.
Gabbard's tweet came in response to Trump saying that the U.S. is locked and loaded to respond to the attack against the Saudis.
So apparently we know who did it.
And it wasn't the Hutus or the Houthis or the hoodie and the blowfish.
Whoever the fuck.
Evidence indicates Iranian arms used in Saudi attack.
That's what it says, uh, here.
Al-Ahmad! Al-Ahmad!
The Saudi-led military coalition bad on Yemen's Houthi movement
said a minor attack on Saudi Arabian oil plants was carried out with Iranian weapons,
was not launched from Yemen, according to preliminary findings.
Coalition spokesman Colonel Turk al-Maliki
said that an investigation into Sadeh's strikes, which had been claimed by the Iran-aligned
Houthi group, was still ongoing to determine the launch location. The preliminary results
show that the weapons are Iranian, and we are currently working to determine the location. The terrorist attack did not originate from Yemen, as the Houthi militia claimed.
Iran is dismissed as unacceptable.
U.S. accusations that Tehran was responsible for the assault on Saudi facilities
that cut almost half of the kingdom's production in half, blah, blah, blah,
said these fucking people who live in the...
Durka, Durka. Muhammad Jihad.
Haka Sherpa Sherpa.
A bacala.
But what's creepy
about this, guys?
It says
drone attack. It was fucking
drones. And this should creep all of us out
because this is the next wave
coming at us. Fucking
drones.
Yes. There'll be drains flying overhead dropping clogs wave coming at us. Fucking drain, drones, trains.
Yes, there'll be drains flying overhead,
dropping clogs of hair on us.
Soap scum.
For many of the national security teams that...
I want that throughout the story.
I like that.
Where is it?
For many of the national security teams that monitor threats on the U.S., the apparent drone strike Saturday on the heart of Saudi Arabia's oil production
was the realization of their worst fears.
Houthi rebels battling Saudi Arabia and Yemen took responsibility for the attack
and said they used drones.
Though U.S. officials have said that Iran was behind the attack and that at least some cruise missiles may have been used,
the attack underscored fears raised by U.S. security officials and experts in terrorism
about the rapid evolution of technologies that could have allowed inexpensive devices to pierce Saudi defenses
in a way that a traditional air force could not.
Flying long distances to drop potent bombs that apparently set vast portions of the Saudi petroleum infrastructure ablaze.
This is where it's getting creepy, okay?
The risk is hardly new, though, for law enforcement and Homeland Security officials. FBI Director Chris Wray in October warned a Senate committee that civilian drones pose a steadily escalating threat.
The devices are likely to be used by terrorists, criminal groups, or drug cartels to carry out attacks in the United States.
Which is, that's true, man.
Danger, Will Robinson.
Danger, no Will Robinson.
That's true, man.
It's creepy. Danger, Will Robinson.
Danger, no Will Robinson.
Dozens of incidents in the recent years have hinted at the risk from the mysterious drone flying at London's Gatwick Airport in December
that disrupted operations for days to recent assassination attempts using drones in Yemen and Venezuela.
Anyways, blah, blah, blah.
The point being, the military has more options to combat drones,
Anyways, blah, blah, blah.
The point being, the military has more options to combat drones,
but some technologies such as jamming radio signals or firing weapons aren't permitted in civilian environments.
This is creepy, man.
You order a pizza, and the pizza places, aren't they starting to use drones?
Delivery places, right?
They talked about it, yeah.
They talk about it, but Amazon has actually used drones to deliver shit.
So you're waiting for that fucking Barker lounger you ordered from Amazon.
And you open the door and there's a fucking drone and it shoots a bag of ricin down your throat.
And that could give you diarrhea for weeks.
But seriously, this is concerning.
You know what I mean?
I read a story a year ago.
A guy
fucking rigged it so he had a gun.
Remember? Jason, you remember the story? I think we were
at my house. He like flew
it to his ex-wife's house.
Ding dong. She
opens it and there's a fucking.38.
Like a little red duck.
Go ahead, Rich.
Yet vaping is the problem.
Yet vaping is the problem. Yet vaping is the problem.
Yeah.
What am I supposed to do with that?
You're the comedian.
I figured I was just saying the world...
Now he's trying to turn it on me.
I'm the comedian.
Exactly my point.
And only you could say something so stupid
that a guy like me who is quick as anybody on his feet
what about vaping
we're talking about drones you cheese eater
drones can get hacked
what can get hacked
drones can get hacked that's another big problem
oh my god
fucking show is going so well
what am I doing?
I'm cutting a double album today?
Fuck That's how much I don't want to work out
Fucking doing
I've had enough
Yes, vaping is the problem
What if the fucking
What if the e-cigarettes get hacked, huh?
That's the next thing
The Chinese selling us those vapes
And you suck it in
And get a nice fucking lung
full of General Tso's chicken.
Then you get a virus.
You're a fucking virus, okay?
It's called cum stains.
All right.
That is it, ladies and gentlemen.
What a show.
I did an hour of fucking 10 minutes
for you people.
Unbelievable.
We thank you, Patreon.
Spread the word
will you please
I want to see
more subscriptions
I want people
signing up
please
working like
springsteen
for these
fuckers
right here
a great friend
of mine
from the
Gambino family
after today my life won't be worth a nickel from the Gambino family.
After today,
my life won't be worth a nickel.
Said Frankie Five Angels.
He went home,
laid in a tub,
and he cut his wrist.
Please.
Please welcome Clemenza and the Clemenza dancers.
That is it.
Thank you guys so much.
Patreon, we love you.
Remember, you think it, I'll say you're very welcome. don't forget cameo.com hit me up on there i'll send you a personal
video message destroying your enemies just like a drone all right see you tomorrow bye guitar solo Outro Music