The Nick DiPaolo Show - Someone saved my dog tonight

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

Today: Gang-raped by 8 men, Spicer accused of dropping N-bomb years ago, average American fliers secretly surveilled by feds, New York Times publisher blames Trump for potential violence, and female comic cries foul on sexist male comedians.      

🎵 No! Ho ho, Richie Castellano. How are you, folks? Well, that song went away in a hurry, fellas. What the fuck? You can play it a little under me. Yeah, let it trail off.

Brian, what the fuck? Lay off the weed, will you? This kid's got a heroin problem like you've always yes alright we fade it out now there you go it's got no spatial abilities Hawaii welcome to the show I'm your host

Kevin Barnett 888-599-6425 888-599-6425 888-599-6425. 888-599-6425. That spells Nick, by the way. How you doing, folks? A shitty Monday. Never met a Monday I liked. And, boy, does it come around fast.

Even when you're doing nothing. Sitting around the house miserable. Tour dates. Real quick. Let me bang these out. Saturday, September 1st 1st couple new ones uh the fat black pussycat which is where i i was saturday night and tremendous in new york city nothing like being a comic on a saturday night doing a full hour set in the village which is filled with

hippies and douchebags and 50 year old guys with book bags on skateboards people that i fucking despise and uh guy gives me a finger on his skateboard i'm gonna infinity pretty sure i could win that fight i could have but so sat that's saturday september 1st then saturday september 8th the fat black pussycat also friday september 14th and saturday september 15th the arlington draft house arlington, Virginia. Friday, September 21st, the Orpheum Theater, Flagstaff, Arizona. And then Saturday, September 29th, back at the Fat Black Pussycat in New York City. Thank you, people who came out on Saturday night. It's a small room, but it still feels good when there's not an empty seat.

Okay, sure, it held 12. No, but people came. I met a couple after the show. They were from Chicago and drove from Chicago. They said they've been watching me forever, which, you know, when they say that, I want to kiss them and choke them at the same time. They looked older than me, and they're like, we're watching you forever. You and Fred Gwynn from The Munsters, our favorite showbiz characters.

But their son is a fan of mine who's in his late 20s and he told them that look Nick DiPaolo's performing in the city while you're there got him tickets I love to hear shit like that like every comic does and it's a great little intimate room they let me smoke

in there believe it or not I'm sure somebody will get wind of that at the top of the food chain. But everybody behaved. No whiny bitches. Pretty much everybody there knowing who they're going to see. It's a good feeling, folks. That's all I'm saying to you. So, you know, what else happened over the weekend?

A lot of shit. This show has kind of an animal theme to it. But before I get to that, the Jim Jefferies show, which is on Comedy Central, you know, he's from England. Semi-fucking-funny. You know, hates America. He's a fucking

another lib. That's why he has a show on Comedy Central. It's really how... Diversity's not that important, is it, Comedy Central, when it comes to ideology and who your comics are. But they contacted me last week wanting to have me as a guest on the show. And no, fucking no. I tried that a couple years ago.

Larry Wilmore, remember that very black, not very black, I should say, semi-black, bland guy who had cancer of the funny bone. And I went on the show, seemed like a nice guy. I knew a few people that worked there. And they fucking ambushed me. You know, they wanted a conservative on the show. A dissenting point of view and surrounded with a panel of leftist fucks. And so, yeah, no, I'm not going to.

Get this. And they don't want to pay me to do the show. They're going to put me up, pay for the hotel and the flight. That's Comedy Central. I'm not blaming Jim Jeffries' show. That's Comedy Central. Yeah, I've been in the business 30 fucking years. You're not going to pay me to fly out to fucking L.A.

and help out your show. Why would I do that? Why would I help Jim Jeffries' show? Because they needed a conservative punching bag. Why the fuck would I do that? And would I help Jim Jeffrey show? Because they needed like a conservative punching bag. Why the fuck would I do that? And you're not willing to pay me. Lick my salty European bag sack. Fellas, how are you?

This is the twinks. You know, Ryan looks like a young Marv Albert. And Jason looks like Marv Albert's brother. What did you do this weekend, kids? I had my anniversary with my girlfriend. Really? What's it been,

a week and a half? A year. A year? Good for you. Not bad. Where'd you take her? Fuddruckers? Finger popper

behind a dumpster? Where the fuck did we go? Must have been memorable. I went to a place called Ramen-esque up in Port We went to a place called Romanesque up in Portchester. Oh, Romanesque up in Portchester. Have you had the Clams Casino there? Oh, they'll melt in your mother's ass. How was it, good?

Yeah, it was actually really good. Really good stuff. Filling. Filling for the money. How about the night in general? Oh, it was fantastic, yeah. Yeah? What do you get a girl for a one-year i get her an appetizer romanesque i go to the fingering potatoes and the fucking

brazino which is really trout by the way i had a fish incident i'll get to the animal stuff in a few seconds but 888-599-6425. I don't know how somebody's on the phone already because I haven't started talking about anything yet. But Barbara, hold on there. We always enjoy a female on the show.

We don't get many of those, you know, living in this fucking anti-male world that was created by Patton Oswalt and fucking Pete Holmes. Patton Oswalt is actually a very funny,

very funny, smart comedian, but just, I read his tweets and I want to fucking shit blood. How do you promote on the internet? I got to get out there. What, I got to cut little funny clips and shit, do other people's podcasts? I don't know.

This is a free show, by the way. This goes out streaming. We're working on Facebook. You know, Zuckerberg, you think after the fucking gut punch he took from Wall Street, he'd be a little more cordial to people like me. But, you know, we have to get 19 codes to get on Facebook Live. And we have somebody in there working on it, a kid from Puerto Rico. The code's like reset every day after I set them.

Well, don't give away, you know, don't give anything over the air that fucking Zuckerberg will go, did you hear that? Yes, they, you know, they probably know my show and know my politics. And they're fucking, I know that sounds like paranoia.

A bit of it is. Anyways, let me take Barbara real quick. Before I get into the stories, Barbara from North Carolina. Always good to have a nice lady on the show from North Carolina. Barbara, how are you? Welcome to the show. Thank you so much, Nick. Great to talk to you.

Great to talk to you. What are you weighing? How tall are you? Are you there? Yes, I'm here. Not telling and not telling. talk to you great to talk to you what are you weighing how tall are you are you there yes i'm here not telling and not telling barbara there's a there's let me let me explain something barbara listen barbara listen there's a little delay because you're on a cell phone probably and it has to it has to go through software and blah blah blah so there's a little bit of delay so

just keep that in mind go Go ahead. I'm sorry. No worries. So your first comedy special forced me to lie to my firefighter father. What special was that now? It was a long time ago, Comedy Central, I think, half-hour special. Okay. And you did a segment in the middle of the special, and I thought it was great, the whole special. And I wanted to share it with my father, but in the middle of the special, there was a segment about black dildos. Yes.

And my father, I would send him VHS tapes with comedy stuff, and he would take it to the firehouse in Flint, Michigan to show it to his coworkers. Okay, this is getting good. Go ahead. And I could not have him say, oh, who sent you this special, John? And my dad say, my daughter sent it to me from New York. So I pretended there was something wrong with my VCR. Oh my God. Edited out the middle of your special, sent him the rest of it. He loved it for four years. Every time I talked to him, can you rerecord that special? I missed part of it. Please, please,

please give me the rest of that special. And I just had to keep telling him, oh gee, dad, they didn't rerun it. I don't know what happened know what happened sorry but but he loved the rest of it but i just couldn't i couldn't send him the middle part you cut out the black dildo bit yes i did yes i did yeah but i couldn't send it to my dad yeah but so what you weren't you dating uh george foreman at the time Were you dating George Foreman at the time? No. I knew my dad would love this whole special, but I just couldn't have the other guys in the firehouse ragging on him all the time.

Oh, well, that's actually a funny story. And I still pull that Black Dildo special bit out because I get more compliments from comedians, from, from guys that are way more famous than me to some of my contemporaries. They say that is the most well-written black dildo bit they've ever heard. So I actually did it this weekend. Uh,

when I, when I get lazy on stage, I want to fill in a gap. I don't have new stuff. I'll drop that one in, which I've been doing too much lately, actually. But Hey,

Barbara, thank you. That was a great call. And tell your dad, I dad I said hello and all the people at the firehouse who think you love black cock dad's dead but other than that everything's great I'm sorry I'll talk to you soon bye but he loved you oh my, God. What an interesting start to the show, huh? Folks, isn't it terrific? Have we got Facebook working or are we still working on it? I mean, people count on this shit.

How the fuck am I getting famous if we can't stream to Facebook Live? Eh, whatever. Who cares? YouTube, whatever. It's free let me uh let's uh let's talk about my dog uh interesting weekend you guys can leave hey guys you can leave it on me close you know a wide shot every once in a while but you know there you go um they're like but christ's sake you were asking us to do it more

often i got you know i have a dog i bought my wife a yorkshire terrier about 14 years ago the thing is like bill cosby now it's legally blind and fucking it rapes other dogs after drugs no uh but um a little yorkshire terrier There it is. That's Bianca. Look at that little thing. 14. She has no idea what she's looking at. But sweet little thing. Anyways.

So anyways, Friday I cooked at our house. And I made some arancini, which involves frying in oil. Long story short, I get up Saturday. The pot, the pot of oil is on the kitchen stove. You don't dump it down the drain. I like to dump it in the woods, you know, clog the arteries of a couple deer that are leaving ticks on my balls. And so I go outside. I open my back door of my house.

I push the button that makes the door stay open because I need two hands to get out with a pot of oil. I go out into the woods. I dump it. As I'm dumping dumping it I started getting these shit pains these vicious diarrhea pains so I run back in the house right into the bed put the pot on the tip run into the bathroom shut the door I'm in there for anywhere from 15 to an hour and a half and uh I come out like 15 minutes later and I see that the door is still open. So I shut the door.

You can take her down now. No, leave her up. She's a fucking movie star. So I shut the door and I go back to what I was doing, looking at my iPad, whatever. And after about 20 minutes, so now it's been about an hour, I start calling for Bianca. She's nowhere in the house. I run outside in a panic around my property twice. Nowhere in the house. I run outside in a panic around my property twice. Nowhere.

I run down this dirt road that goes behind my tool shed, leads out to the Taconic Highway because she likes to wander out there recently. She smells deer and rat shit. I don't know. I run out there. The highway is right behind my house in the woods. I literally run out there. I'm like this going.

I'm going to see her splattered all over the fucking highway. And turns out she's not there. I go back in the house. Now my phone is blinking. It's my sister-in-law. She goes, the, what is it, SPCA? Call. They say they have your dog.

The, what is it, SPCA called. They say they have your dog. And the lady on the phone goes, yeah, we have your dog. It was on the Taconic Highway, and there were cars swerving around it. And then, you know, and, well, it sounded like this. Come on, God damn it. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. So I, so, so she, but in an accusatory tone, she says it was in the highway. What happened? And I said, I don't know what happened. Is the dog alive, injured, hurt? She goes, I don't know.

I'm at the front desk. I said, well, you could, you walk down the hallway and find out if my dog is still she goes no i'm the only one out here and we know who works at the what is it the fucking cspca whatever what is it fellas spca aspca no it's not the aspca no which one. It's the S... I have it fucking... I have it. I have it here. SPCA. I know CA is Cruelty to Animals. Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Look, I appreciate what they do. But I said, you can't tell me whether the dog is alive or not. She goes, no, I'm the only... I'm at the front desk. I go, okay, I'll be there in two seconds. First, I don't like the accusatory, what happened. What happened? What happened? It got away from me

while I was putting cigarettes out on its asshole. You fuck stain. What do you mean what happened? So it's only about an eight minute drive where they are located from me. So now I have to

fucking drive down there wondering if my dog is alive or not. And if it isn't, I'm not going to be alive at the end because I gave it to my fucking wife and I do love this dog. I get down there wondering if my dog is alive or not. And if it isn't, I'm not going to be alive at the end because I gave it to my fucking wife. And I do love this dog. I get down there.

There's a kid coming out the door, and he's all tattooed up. Young kid. He's in a pickup truck. He's coming out the door as I go in. I go in. I go, where's my dog? Well, who are you? I said, I have the Yorkshire Terrier.

Oh, yeah, we have it here. And by the way, they go, that's the guy that saved it. So I run back outside. I still don't know if my dog's alive or not, but I want to thank this guy for scraping it up or picking it up.

So I run out, young kid, tattooed up, you know, pick up. I go, dude, thank you so much. I don't have any cash on me. I have my money club with just credit cards in it. He goes, don't fucking worry about that.

Go find out about your dog. Guy's name was Anthony. Anthony, thank you so much. You're probably not going to see this, but thank you for saving my dog. I go back in there. I go, could you tell me if my fucking dog is a liar? I said, I don't appreciate you making me wait. I go, how is that humane, making me drive over here wondering if my dog is a...

Calm down, sir. I'm not going to fucking calm down. Of course, you can picture the women that work at the fucking SPCA. They look like me with fucking glasses. Same haircut, I shouldn't say. But I said, you know, I said, you couldn't go down that hall. I'm still arguing. I don't know if the dog's hurt or not.

I said, you couldn't walk 30 fucking seconds. She goes to me. Then she goes, do you want me to give your dog back to you or not i go now you're fucking threatening me asian woman comes around from the counter to calm me down am i wrong here what the fuck you're all about being humane now it's been what four minutes i don't know if my dog is injured or not the asian lady young asian girl thank christ goes down the hallway, brings the dog out. But, you know, telling me to fucking calm down. Jesus Christ.

And again, I'm not casting aspersions, but gay women have a lot of problems with the world in general and with fucking me. I don't know why I look like a gay woman from Sicily, do I not? Same haircut, nice skin. I get along with gay women look like a gay woman from Sicily. Do I not? Same haircut, nice skin. I get along with gay women pretty well. Just not the ones that were, I don't even know

she was fucking gay. I'm just guessing. Just put it that way. She looked like she could have, you know, played shortstop for the Red Sox for 10 years. Anyways,

but this fucking attitude. First of all, on the phone, what happened? None of your fucking business. Is my dog alive or not? They bring the dog out. And the woman who, you know, she's, I'm the one who talked in the phone.

She's new there. She's trying to figure out the computer system. I'm holding her. And the Asian woman who saw that I was a little upset said, you know, you can go. They were trying to teach her the fucking computer, whatever. They also said, you better, you have to have a license and a proof of rabies certificate. And I'm like, I've had rabies for like three years now. What proof?

I'll show up, look like I dunked my face in Cool Whip. I'll fucking show up like Cujo. They didn't even check the certificate, my dog. Anyways, long story short, dog was on the Taconic Highway, and there were cars swerving around trying not to kill it. And you talk about fucking panic, but I did not like the way that was handled. You couldn't tell me if my dog was fucking hit by a car or not? Seriously, that's some passive aggressive shit.

It really is. That's her control over me for five minutes. I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to leave you guessing until you get here. And the minute you drop the F-bomb, whether you're on the phone with Verizon or whatever, then they have the moral fucking high ground on you. But she said to me,

do you want your dog back or not? I would have fucking climbed over that counter. And it's not that I'm a, I'm not a fucking lovey-dovey ASPCA, you know. I fucking love this dog. I don't have a fucking kid. I don't love it like a kid. Even though we don't have kids, I still know it's a fucking dog.

I'll boot it in the ass if it shits on the rug, okay? It's a thing I hate about the dog. I take it outside the shit. It sniffs 12 acres of land for an hour and a half. Does nothing. Comes back into my living room. Ten seconds later, my area rug looks like a German porn star's chest. I've had enough of this stuff.

I just don't like the way they handled it. And they knew I was in the right. When I said, you couldn't fucking tell me. Nobody could run down that hallway and tell me if the dog was... Now, come on. But I appreciate what they do. And God bless you, Anthony. I didn't get your last name.

You had, I think, a black pickup, tattoos all all over you he looked like he was in his 20s I mean uh that's a good guy that's a good person doing the right thing I if I saw a dog in the middle of the highway you know I would have swerved around it gave it the finger fucking that's why I appreciate what these people do. But, uh... God damn it, they fucking piss me off. You know, I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you. Now get the fuck out of here. Forgot to bring my salt with my napkin. A little trick the alcoholic told me so the coaster doesn't stick to the... Anyways, to continue with our animal theme

before I get to Trump and the New York Times and all the other horseshit, same fucking stories, different day. I have a pond at my house, and the pond has a bridge that you can walk across at the front of the pond, and it's like a 12-foot drop-off. There's an opening under the bridge,

and the waterfall's down like a little 10-foot waterfall. Anyways, when we came to this house, there was some carp in the pond. I guess it's illegal to have carp in New York State, naturally, because, you know, it eats the algae in your pond, makes life easier, and God forbid, here in Westchester fucking county.

Anyways, I'm cutting the grass. I sound like a real fucking suburban chooch, don't I? My dog got away. I'm cutting the grass and then I borrowed my fucking life partner's hammer. So I'm cutting the grass. My wife comes running out of the house all panicked and she goes, what's the matter?

She goes, the carp is this big. It's over two feet, and it's this thick. It's got a neck on it. There you go. It's bigger than that fucking carp that that guy's holding here. It's got a neck on it like fucking Michelle Obama. I swear to God. And big fucking carp.

And what they do, they eat algae and all the shit. Because when you have a pond, the fucking green shit grows on it and whatnot. They're great. They eat all that horse shit. Anyways, my wife sees the carp downstream. Once the waterfall goes into the brook, it goes under my street out front

and into the woods. So my wife sees something flapping on the other side of our street in the woods. It's the freaking carp. So she pulls me off the fucking lawnmower. I go running down there. I go in there with my Timberlands.

You're from New York. You gotta wear Timberlands. Exactly. That's one thing the brothers fucking had right on the money. They wear Timberlands like dress shoes, and so do I. I fucking love that. I go into the fucking water. I'm shin deep. And the thing is in maybe six inches of water. I don't know how it's surviving.

And it's thrashing around. I sneak up behind it, try to grab it. The thing almost cut my forearm with its tail. And the thing's all beat up. I don't know how long it's been there. So we found this like little trash barrel with wheels on it and a handle for like i don't know what you call it i i dragged it down into the fucking brook and i put it in front of the carp and the water took him right into it and i was able to wheel him out it was fucking heavy thing has to be 15 pounds i'm'm not shitting you. At least.

And so I bring it back up and, you know, wheel it over to the pond. And you can take it down now. That's starting to irritate me. I want to punch that fish in the face. And I dumped the carp back into the pond. So let's keep score. I almost killed our fucking dog by leaving the door open but

I came back and made up for it by saving this carp right dump the carp later on I went to get gas fucking ran over a squirrel I mean no question about it. You know, you ever hit one and they're stunned?

No. No. As Richie Aprile says, this thing's a shopping cart from here on out. It was flatter than a fucking, a Eucharist. I mean, I just mashed this poor prick. Cut back under me.

I tried to, I tried to go so it went under my car and he, you know, he ran for daylight like OJ in his prime and I mashed him into fucking squirrel stew. So let's keep track. I almost killed our

dog. I saved the carp and I mashed a squirrel. Interesting weekend. All in a day's work for Nick DiPaolo. All in a day's work for Nick DiPaolo. All in a day's work for Nick goddamn DiPaolo. But boy, that lady fried my eggs at the fucking... What happened?

I threw it in front of a bus and somehow the bus went around it, lady. What happened to you that you fucking have the same haircut as me? Fucking chip on your shoulder bigger than mine oh one more story on the animal theme pregnant goat

dies after being allegedly gang raped by eight men in India can I make that shit up can I make that shit up I don't know nothing about that. Yeah, you do.

How did I work a godfather? I actually hit, I got Frankie five angels in a gang rape with fucking eight Indian guys. Oh, you hear the cigarette smoke? Police have booked eight men in a village in Haranya Muat District. I have a summer home there.

For raping a goat Wednesday night. The seven-year-old goat was pregnant. I guess that's why they were attracted to it. The tits were full. What the fuck's going on in India? Seriously, you read rape stories every day. And I'm not talking just bestiality. Goat was seven-year-old pregnant and died a day after the assault.

Police said the accused are locals and alleged history sheeters. That means they have a rap sheet. I'm guessing three of them were beaten up by villagers in Marota Village, about 73 kilometers south of, we don't give a fuck. After the owner of the goat caught them in the fucking act. A little defense to the guys. I mean, you see the way this goat was dressed. I think she's asking for it.

I mean, look at that. Look at those sexy pajamas. Could you really? No, I'm kidding. Don't get all fucking upset, you jerk-offs. It's a fucking joke, but pretty sexy. Police have registered a case under section 377 of the indian by the way india another shithole have you ever seen pictures of india and and said yeah i want to go there i haven't it's always people living on top there's

billions of them living on top of each other they have these shitty little like you guys are in this is that's like a fucking that's like a nice house in india with 19 phone wires running through it the 377 code prohibits carnal intercourse against the order of nature with man notice it says man that's what pigs men are i mean we have to have laws to say no you can't fuck your goats or your neighbor's goats thy shall not covet thy neighbor's goat wait a minute it says against the order of nature with man woman or animal oh how'd you like to be thrown into that mix ladies that's kind of sexist anyways under the animal cruelty act our team is investigating the case and has recorded the statement of the goat's owner,

who allegedly caught the three accused in the act. The owner, Eslup Khan, he picked me up in an Uber a couple days ago. Guy gets around. Said his goat went missing from its shed located next to his house Wednesday night, after which he and other villagers started looking for it. It was around 11 p.m. when I heard some noise and went out.

Hmm. It was around 11 p.m when i heard some noise and went out it was around uh yeah the gate of the shed was open i panicked and i raised an alarm as four of my goats have been stolen in the past and this was what am i reading something out of the bible uh was the only one left while we were looking around we found three men sexually assaulting my goat said 27 year old khan a truck driver jesus christ that takes horny to a new level can we get these guys some hobbies over there fucking somebody give us the owner what's that that's the owner up there with the paper there's the owner with the paper i didn't ask for that again but you know breaching my breaching my rule ryan you don't put anything up there unless i fucking clear it but sorry go ahead put it back up there actually good

there you go look at that that's the papers saying my goat was they didn't just fuck they didn't just rape it they had to fucking brutalize it and according to i mean okay sorry trump was right anyways they were inebriated the guys and can somebody teach them how to play scrabble a fucking twister or maybe a monopoly jesus christ a lot of time on your hands over there and most of the rape stories i've heard in the last year and gang rapes of women in india on buses and shit what's it in the curry what the fuck is going on over there nick that's uh that's racist yeah i know yeah whatever no they're ignorant that's ignorant yeah no it's not actually fucking a goat is ignorant i just want to let you know so let's not I don't want to hear how all cultures are equal Nick there's

plenty of Americans that fuck their pets too I know I know but I've never read a pregnant one I'm just saying and but there is a big rape problem in India and it was actually relief to hear that was an animal watch Watch, again, people at the P-S-C-A-C-P-A-Y-U-L-G-B-T place where I

picked up my dog wouldn't be happy. Wait a minute. Something about, okay. Let's go to, let's, line two.

Dog Story Jay. Dog Story and doctor with medical advice. Yay, Jay, what's going on in Brooklyn? Nick. What's happening? Nick, how are you doing? Good. Good to talk to you.

Long time fan. I saw you at the village last week. You killed it. Thank you, sir. the village last week. You killed it. Thank you, sir. So your story about India being a shithole is not incorrect at all.

I'm actually of Indian heritage. My grandfather escaped that shithole like 40, 50 years ago now. Brought my family here. Very thankful for that. And you live in Brooklyn, which is not much of a fucking upgrade. Brooklyn is just as big of a shithole

as New Delhi. Some parts of Brooklyn. Some are very nice. I don't know. Nick, I think it's what the fuck is in the water up there in the Taconic State Parkway area. It just all flows down and it's all just like liberal tears.

I don't know. Something in the city. Every government worker everyone who just has a huge fucking chip on their shoulder i don't know what the problem i i do know what the problem is most government workers fucking lean left in their horseshit politics and and they thought they're gonna you know when they were young they signed up for a fucking uh what do you call a job you know with benefits and not much pay and um you know they took the civil service test and whatever and uh they thought oh this will be great i can retire at 40 with a nice fat pension and but in the meantime yeah you know it takes me 12 permits if i want to plant a tree in my yard and and um and yeah and they work at the DMV, and they find out it's fucking nasty dealing with the public every day, and they're nasty. But yeah, the minute I walked in there, I'm grateful what these people do, that they save dogs and shit.

I really am. But this woman, I mean, just over the phone going to me, what happened, in an accusatory tone. I wanted to drive down there and throw her in front of the taconic what would happen if you saw hillary clinton on the taconic in her blue moo moo i don't think i would swerve if she was on foot you mean yeah i'd probably mistake her she's a little demented right she runs off like a dog i'd probably mistake her for an 18 wheeler and fucking go around her and then realize it was her and back up and fucking flatten her like i did that squirrel all right all right jay but anyway nick i have medical advice for you okay real quick you got to take my medical advice all right good you started smoking at 50

years old. I think this is a brilliant idea. Yeah. I'm not even going to give you a hard time for that. We stopped screening for this bullshit once people get old anyway. They say you have to have quit like 15 years before for even us to screen you. So just go for it. By the time you have cancer, you're going to be a fucking gomer.

Well, that's my bid. Great point. At least you're honest about it. That's right. Thank you, Jay. It's a great point. They stopped screening for this shit. Like after, you know, 50.

I'm 56. I really don't care. I'm from good genes, man. I mean, you know, whatever. I do care when I work out and, you know, like I'm going up the stairs today to take a dump and I'm wheezing like I'm in my late hundreds. That's kind of...

I'm looking at one of those acorn stair lifts, motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? But he makes a good point. I'm timing it. I'll take another call before I get the next story. Staten Island. Who is it? Ron in Staten Island.

Something about the Jim Jefferies thing. Hey, Ron, what's happening? Hey. Hey, Nick. How you doing, buddy? What's happening, Ron? Hey, about 20 years ago, I bumped into you at the Newark Airport. And I just want to mention that you were so gracious.

I walked up to you. You know, I'm a stranger. And you were the nicest guy. You gave me your autograph. God bless you. Who's better than you? A lot of people. That's my wife. Well, if you're going to go,

I recommend you go on the Jim Jefferies show and instead of you being a punch bag, fucking make him be the punch bag. I will pay you. I'm not a rich man. I'll give you about $10, $12. If you punch him in his fucking face, please. punch a bag i will pay you i'm not a i'm not a rich man i'll give you about 10 12 dollars if you punch him in his fucking face please 10 12 dollars that's uh that's eight dollars more than they were offering me comedy center but no i i i don't this i i don't dislike uh jim jeffries i

mean you know but but if he didn't have an english accent he'd probably be just another comedian but um you know he's funny he He's got his HBO specials. There's some funny shit in there. And this is politics. I'm not going to fall for that again. I fell for it a few years ago on the Larry Wilmore show. And, you know, they sort of crucified me on there. And I'm not going to fall, especially for no pay.

If I'm going to go out there and risk, you know, if I'm going to risk whatever, being the punch about whatever, even if I punch back. This is how it were at run. It's easy for you to say that. But see, you're not at the live taping where the audience is all Jim Jeffrey fan. That's why Bill Maher, I would never go on his show. Not that he would ask me. I mean, even if you say something funny, they're going to sit on their fucking hands, you know? And I learned that the hard way, but,

but I, but Jim Jeffrey's a good guy. I met him up in Montreal and shit, but I'm, I'm just, you know, I'm, I'm,

I've been around the block. I'm a little wiser, so I'm not going to fall for that horse shit. You know what I'm saying? So a little bit, appreciate the call, Ron. I got to move,

move along here. Big news day. Um, how about, uh, I got to move along here. Big news day. How about the Sean Spicer? You remember him? You remember him, right? Former White House press secretary. Well, he's been accused of using a racial slur to a black student. What else?

While in high school and his lawyer saying it's false uh attorney michael bow said in emails to the ap on saturday night and sunday that the allegations is false and defamatory it emerged when a man confronted spicer at a book signing in rhode island on this past friday an encounter that local newspapers uh captured uh on video Let's take a look. Remember? Yeah. You don't remember you tried to fight me? You don't remember that St. Hugh's?

Yeah. Well, yeah. No, but you called me a nigger first, right? Remember? A nigger is what he said. You called me a nigger first, Sean. Whoa. And St. Peter Healy?

Healy's my boy. Right? Get him out. Send him out of here. He should be arrested immediately's my boy. Right? Get him out. Get him out of here. He should be arrested immediately. What are you talking about? I was born in New York. All right. All right.

All right. I gave you time codes. Follow up. Did I not? That was four seconds before your time code. Bullshit. It's at 36. You said 40.

Okay. My apologies. Ryan's fucking getting fed up with me already i don't blame him uh but uh so what if he called you the fucking n-word 15 years ago maybe you had it coming asshole which i don't think he did but is that surprising a white kid at a prep school if he got into an argument with a black? I mean, what is this, the new hashtag Me Too? We're going to go back now and fucking going to have people going, you called me the N-word 18 years ago at Walmart in the fucking. Seriously, is that the fucking world we're living in? Are you shitting me?

And how about all the old white people? That's Rhode Island. And they were there to see Spicer, which means they lean right in their politics and the guy somebody go some lady goes he should be arrested immediately the black guy why the black guy said nigger he was pointing out what sean spicer might have said to him but did you see all the confusion the white people they you know rhode island again that was a spicer book signing so they they were obviously Republicans. But Rhode Island's a fucking liberal shithole. Like, you know, it's like a boil on the ass of Massachusetts. And there was a lot of confusion there.

A bunch of old white people going, well, he's black, but he said the, but the, hmm, heh, heh. But is that what we're going to do now? We're going to start going into people's past, not for sexual sexual uh improprieties but for uh language i swear that's where it's fucking headed oh my god i can't wait to get off this fucking ride i uh i use the n-word in high school. And I'll tell you the story. And we were playing a team called Lynn Classical in front of like 12,000 people. We were both undefeated, and they were loaded.

And I'm one of the captains. I'm out there with my other two captains. And they had two white guys that were 6'4 250 looked like jack lamb but they were missing their teeth they were twins and they're they're a little black guy running back eddie something he was unbelievably good all-american but he goes to me this is during the coin toss he goes he goes hey two five you ain't been hit yet motherfucker and he spits on my fucking cleat so first play of the game they have the ball they run a screen pass to him and me and my buddy fucking land you know croaked them good landed on top of them and we both dropped the n-bomb

in unison and he what did he do he laughed because it's all in the heat of the fucking you know i'm not proud of that, but he spit on me. But that's, you know, but it came out in unison, me and my buddy. And what he and Eddie fucking was his last name. Doesn't matter. He was a tremendous running back. He just fucking laughed because he knew we were in the heat of battle and that he spit on my cleats during the coin toss. Shit happens. Suppose I'll be hearing from his lawyer the next fucking two weeks.

Anyways. Shit happens. Suppose I'll be hearing from his lawyer in the next fucking two weeks. Anyways, so yeah, Spicer, you know, get that fat chubby guy and you call me the N-word, you know, 20 years ago. Jesus, who sent you fucking out there? There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Ryan, it's almost over.

Sorry to keep you up. Jesus Christ, these millennials. You must have had a good time at that anniversary. Yeah, I'm still exhausted. Three days later. Did you get a little hurt after? Nah. Yeah, bullshit.

I could smell it on you when you came in the house. Let's get a name for the caller on the second line. Or I'm not going to take it. I'm sure he to take it. I'm sure he'll make a nice one up. But next story. Next story, please. This one should send a shiver up your assholes.

This is just some of the information the federal air marshals collect on thousands of regular U.S. citizens under a secret domestic surveillance program. It's called Welcome to the Quiet Sk quiet skies they're calling it okay so you would think that's where they would be profiling but you're wrong federal air marshals have begun following ordinary u.s citizens ordinary u.s citizens i repeat not suspected of a crime or any terrorist watch list and collecting extensive information about their movements and behavior under a new domestic surveillance program that has drawn criticism from within the agency the previously undisclosed program called quiet skies specifically targets travelers who in quotes are not under investigation by any agency and are not in the terrorist screening

database. Does that sound fucking fair to you people? Yeah, here's this fucking woman to give you an example. There you go. That's an actual tweet I did about a year ago when I flew out to LA. That's what I was seeing. Meanwhile, the guy that, you know,

the guy that was behind me in the line looked like fucking Ali Baba. Fucking on a camel. He had a belt with nine sticks of fucking... He went right through. Look at this. That's who they're screening. Right there.

She looks like a threat? Exactly. Yeah, whatever. Tits of missiles? You can't even say that anymore. I mean, look at... Who are they screening there? It looks like Alex Trebek. Have you seen him lately? I'm telling you. But and I tweeted, I said, PC madness gone crazy or some shit like that. And you know what? Everybody agree with it. Everybody, you know. And you know what? Everybody agree with it. Everybody, you know. So so this is this is you should be scared of this shit.

You know, after after 9-11, everybody's remember they were all over George W. Bush, the Patriot Act and civil liberties are being eroded in the name of security, blah, blah, fucking blah. But now you're just monitoring average assholes like me. But listen to this. Some air marshals in interviews and internal communications shared with the Globe, that's the paper, say the program has them tasked with shadowing travelers who appear to pose no real threat.

A businesswoman who happened to have traveled through a Mideast hotspot in one case, a Southwest Airlines flight attendant, and another, a fellow federal law enforcement officer was actually surveilled. And they say it's time consuming, costly assignment. They say, which saps their ability to do more vital law enforcement work.

I mean, if we're looking at everybody now, but here's my only, I'm going to play devil's advocate a little bit. I don't like, you know, it seems like government overreach. But, but, here's the big but. Maybe they know something that we don't. They don't tell you every time they thwart a terrorist attack. They don't tell you. We don't know how many threats

have come against these airlines or what, you know, what they're basing this on, why they came up with this program. But nonetheless, you know, it's getting a little creepy. Listen to this.

Already under quiet skies, thousands of unsuspecting Americans have been subjected to targeted airport and in-flight surveillance. In-flight surveillance carried out by small teams of armed undercover air marshals. Government documents show. The teams document whether passengers fidget.

Listen to this. Whether passengers fidget, use a computer, have a jump in their Adam's apple. How many times have they pulled Rachel Ray off a plane? You know you want crazy motherfucking walk, man. That's what I call the Adam's apple. Can you imagine Fidget use a computer? This is shit everybody does when they get on a fucking plane. The Adam's apple.

Or use a cold penetrating stare, among other behaviors. This is what the cold penetrating. That's the first thing I do when I get into a terminal. I have a cold penetrating stare. I'm like this, which one of these motherfuckers is going to be sitting next to me playing their music too loud and farting. Does this scare you people? No? Again, I'd like to know. Here's the list of some of the behaviors.

Let's put up the picture of the guy that they should be profiling and not me and the average asshole. Let's, you know, when you see this guy, you should get nervous. And I'm not talking about me my guys will pull that up apparently there you go him I'm following to his house I'm asking for a stool sample at the fucking baggage carousel and if he says why well I don't like your hat and

your fucking beard right there you're a suspect in your killer eyes by the way i have those eyes thing is that guy could be innocent i lived in astoria i doubt it i think i pulled him off the web from a terrorist watch list but that's who you should be fucking following around that looks like a penetrating stare i don't know if he's fidgeting. You know what I mean? Maybe he's clicking his sandals every three seconds. Look at that guy.

He looks like David Price for the Red Sox. How does that beard get anybody laid? Well, you don't get laid over there, wherever you're from. But I'm just saying. Borat, I'm fucking on you, man. I would be following this guy's ass home. Don't be trailing an old lady in her late 80s with saggy tits and white hair. Looks like Ted fucking Baxter.

You know what they do in Israel and in England? I had to fly a couple weeks after 9-11. I had to go to England. And my late great friend Patrice O'Neill pussied out. He was supposed to come with me. And they have guys, old white guys with clipboards just observing you, which is the way it should be done. They observe your behavior, not your skin color, not your culture.

They, you know, and I guess that's what they're trying to do here. But, I mean, are you going to look to see if this guy's fidgeting or are you going to see if he has a fuse sticking out of his Nikes? I mean, come on. Go ahead, very white kid. Ryan? That's my company training stare. Who are you going to follow?

Go ahead, do that again, Ryan. This guy or this kid? You hear that smoker's cough? Oh my God. I'm starting to sound like my buddy already. Here's the behavior checklist. Subject was abnormally aware of surroundings. That's the first thing.

If you're abnormally aware of your surroundings, isn't that called being vigilant? Isn't that a great... Isn't that called being vigilant? If you see something, say something. Isn't that being aware of your surroundings? So why should that be fucking tip you off as to being a possible troublemaker? check of subjects appearance was different from information provided my license actually my license hurts me when i go to airports because i took a picture and i i look like fucking i look like uh the missing terrorist from the 9-11 attack i have dark i i didn't shave that day i have black eyes when i hand it to him it's almost, a frisk me instead of clearing me.

Subject's appearance was different from information provided. Well, in your passport, you have on a rainbow wig. And now you have a chinstrap beard and a subject slept during the flight. I'm a threat. I'm asleep. Of course. How was that? How was that a tip off that you might be a problem, that you're sleeping on the flight?

That seems like somebody who might have worked hard that day or doesn't give a fuck. We don't know what he's dreaming about. All right, Ryan. Pipe down. That was Jason's. I just said it for him. He was afraid. Wow. This is great. We have a guy telling bad jokes, and I translated it. Send him through.

Wow, this is great. We have a guy telling bad jokes and a translator to send them through. Fucking love the twinks. We love you. You should. Subject slept during the flight. How does that make you fucking... Somebody help me out there, please.

You know what happens you fall asleep on a flight today. You wake up and somebody's finger popping you. Some construction worker from fucking Jersey has got his thumb up your ass. You know what happens? You fall asleep on a flight today. You wake up and somebody's finger popping you. Some construction worker from fucking Jersey's got his thumb up your ass. General observations, whatever. Then it says for domestic arrivals only. If possible, this is for domestic only. If possible, provide identifiers such as license plate vehicle description of pickup vehicle in the pickup area.

On a serious note, isn't this getting a little creepy? Again, unless they know something that we fucking don't. But the whole TSA thing is a bunch of kabuki theater. Okay, enough of him. He's creeping me out. What do you guys have, your own show going in there? That guy you should profile. You really should.

I know that sounds fucking silly. 888-599-6425. But they're going to follow you out and get your license plate and shit. It gets better, folks. It actually gets better. It gets better, folks. It actually gets better. The full list of criteria for quiet sky screening was unavailable to the globe and is a mystery even to the air marshals who failed surveillance requests

the program generates. TSA declined to comment. So some of the people, the federal marshals that are involved in this program, don't even know all the fucking rules, you know? I don't know nothing about that. When someone on the Quiet Skies list is selected for surveillance, a team of air marshals is placed on the person's next flight. What the fuck? Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane

uh yeah they they put air marshals on the next flight the person's next flight the team isn't that funny i would love that they were following me because on the right days i can look very fucking very terroristic like wouldn't that be funny and they take a whole team of air marshals and put them on my next flight

as I'm connecting to fucking Appleton, Wisconsin to do Skyline Comedy Club and after the show the guys are in the meet and greet, and they fucking tackle me. The team receives a file

containing a photo and basic information, such as date and place of birth, about the target, according to agency documents. The team tracks citizens on domestic flights to or from dozens of cities,

big and small, such as Boston, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Washington, D.C., Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. You know, the terrorists like to get in a good round of fucking golf before they blow something up. We found them with four a ton of C4 powder and two nine irons. C4 powder and a 2-9 irons. Taking notes on whether travelers use a phone, go to the bathroom, chat with others, or change clothes.

Let me see. Last time I flew, I used a phone. I went to the bathroom. Oh, I should have pulled up that picture of that guy that pissed in the back. Do you see the guy in the picture? It was one of my tweets. He's pissing. It's a bald white guy sitting there pissing into the back of the seat in front of him.

It's all right. Don't worry about it. If I was prepared, I would have pulled that up. But don't we all do this shit? Travelers using a phone, going to the bathroom, chatting with others, or changing clothes. Well, there is that one time I went in the men's room, the bathroom on the plane, and came out in a, you know...

Yeah, what do you call it? A turmeric hijab? A hijab, a turban, a dashiki. I had all those on, so I can understand why they followed me out to my pickup truck, which was loaded with fertilizer and fucking gasoline. But, I mean, those are common behaviors, are they not? There seems to be, it's a wide net they're using here.

Since the initiative launched in March, dozens of air marshals have raised concerns about the Quiet Skies program, and senior officials and colleagues sought legal counsel, expressed misgivings about the surveillance program, according to interviews and documents by The Globe. What we are doing in quiet skies is troubling and raising some serious questions as to the validity and legality of what we are doing and how we are doing it, one air marshal wrote in a text message to his colleagues.

And then he was found dead in the ladies room at newark airport no i'm kidding but uh even the air marshals are questioning what they're doing that should send the shiver up your dirty spines unless you love big government and government fucking overreach and uh i appreciate the you know but um come on i mean you use your phone and you fidget and you take a nap all shit that i mean so they're looking at everybody basically what am i supposed to do get on there not use my phone not fidget what jace you can't even stare forward blankly and do nothing no exactly if you exactly when i get nervous i think somebody's watching me i give one of these what what if what if they're trying to find out if you're not doing normal human behaviors what if they're trying to see if you're like some kind

of alien so you're saying that they're ruling out by looking at people who are doing your normal behaviors. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, and they're trying to see if you're a non-human. But that's not what it says. These are the behaviors they're looking for. They're lying to us. Non-human.

Look, I had a blow-up doll when I worked at a punchline in San Francisco on the way home, but it was all folded up. Anyways, that's a little creepy, and it makes all that whining about the Patriot Act and all the shit that went on after 9-11 look a little silly. You're not even on a watch list and they're watching you? Come on, fucking, very Orwellian in my opinion. Anyways, I don't fly anymore. That's why I do gigs fucking 30 miles from my house at the best. at the best. Let's go to Fernie, and he's in Tucson.

I believe it's Arizona. Fernie, how are you? Good, man. What's up? How are you? Pretty good. What's happening? Nice.

Isn't TSA full of... Can you swear on here? Can you say... You can say, this is the internet, motherfucker. You can say whatever you want. Fuck yeah. Isn't TSA full of a bunch of mongoloid idiots

that are like... In Spanish, say mongolito or some shit. Yeah, mongolitos. Full of mongolitos. Full of past wits. Full of puntos and mongolitos. Full of mangalitos. And pathways. Full of puntos and mangalitos. And pathways.

And God forbid these Muslims learn something that teaches them to rape little girls and animals and shit. Slow down, Franny. Not all. Not all. Not all. Listen. No, it's not the people that work. You know, this is a federal program.

Those are the ones you blame. You don't blame the useful idiots that, you you know make you take your shoes off and shit those people they couldn't even work they get fired from wendy's and i went to work for the tsa um so yeah but but and that that's all kabuki theater that's all aesthetics to make you feel safer we all every time they test the tsa every time they do tests they they fail 96%. The last one, they slipped like 10 guns through. The government did tests to see if the TSA was working. Literally a 95% fail rate. So don't, I mean, that's all for looks to make you feel comfortable.

But this shit is coming from the higher ups. This is like the air marshals and guys that were in the military. And if they're getting creeped out by it, I mean, there's definitely a civil rights issue here. You know, and I know there's people who say, hey, if you're not doing anything wrong,

what do you give a fuck? I don't want to be fucking followed. You know what I mean? What if I'm hitting on some fat chick next to me and the wife gets wind of it?

No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. And the CIA's not going to tell them. What's that? The CIA's not going to tell them. What's that? The CIA is not going to tell them who they are to blow stuff up either. No, no. They're going to be like, oh, it was this other guy.

No, exactly right. Go after everyone. You can't be staring at all of us. Right. You know? We had the, so I'm Mexican, but I'm white. Right. And I'm light-skinned,

so I got that privilege. But when the SB, you know they had the SB. You think having white skin's a privilege today? You're fucking high, bro. No. No. I wish.

Yeah, I'm still coming down from last night. Right. But, yeah, if you have the windows rolled up it's no one cares yeah the only thing that you the only benefit you get from being white is that people like see you a little bit clearer at night but anyways we had the sb go ahead we had the sb 1070 thing out here where they're like oh we're gonna pull people over if they look like, and then we're going to ask for documentation.

And yeah, it's kind of messed up, but at the same time, it's like, there's like 30 million illegal people living here or whatever. Yeah, and they weren't pulling, look, I know what you're talking about. They weren't pulling people over based on their looks. If there was a driving infraction or whatever that gave them the right i think this is the law you're talking about to ask you if you're a citizen or not and whatever the fuck and everybody was yelling this is like nazi germany and i was like nazi and i said no it isn't i don't remember the jews climbing over a fence to go into germany which was another joke that

has me doing a show in my basement all right but uh hey fernie good call buddy i gotta i gotta yell that you get yelled at for what? Two more things if I can. No, one more thing. One more thing. I get a lot of calls. Go ahead. Okay.

Real quick. I got yelled at for doing stand-up. Like, the owner of the place that I was at, he was like, you got to think about the Hillary audience and all these Hillary voters and stuff. He said that? And I was like, man, he said that to me, man. And it worries, I'm only like 29. Fucking smash his fucking face in.

I'm a first generation American. My parents are second generation. Okay. And it's crazy the lack of like integrity people have for this country and let alone this world that is. No, you're right. Don't want to, you know,

get along or like, no, you don't. I don't know. No, it's a, I love what you do. Thanks for any.

Thanks for the call. No, he's right. But don't give me this white skin privilege. Fucking, uh, keep that myth alive anyways uh let me do one more and i'll save the other two for tomorrow

um new york times publisher complains to trump about potential violence um against journalists because of what Trump says on TV. Of course, he ignores over 500 violent attacks on Trump supporters. There have been over 538 violent attacks against Trump supporters since 2016 election season. And they're all documented, folks. But Salzberger, A.G. Salzberger, he's like the New York Times publisher. He's a real mummalook. Him and Trump were going at it over the weekend.

President Donald Trump and the publisher of the New York Times, Salzberger, engaged in a fierce public clash Sunday over Trump's threats against journalism after Salzberger said the president misrepresented a private meeting and Trump accused the Times and other papers of putting lives at risk with irresponsible reporting. Trump said on Twitter that he and Salzberger had discussed the vast amounts of fake news being put out by the media and how that fake news has morphed into the phrase enemy of the people. Sad. That was Trump's tweet. In a five paragraph statement issued two hours after the tweet, Salzberger said he had accepted Trump's invitation for the July 20th meeting,

mainly to raise his concerns about the president's deeply troubling anti-press rhetoric. Well, go fuck yourself, Salz fuck you fuck you fuck you this is a paper that revealed military secrets what the military was planning they've actually put shit in the paper put people's lives at risk not to mention calling Trump a fucking Nazi around the clock

and calling him a liar doing everything they can since he became president to take him down. And he's upset because Trump is pushing back. And this isn't going on since Trump became the president. This fucking left wing media has been going off for 30, 40 years. And every Republican president takes it in the ass. And this guy, oh, Trump's putting journalists in. I'm glad you're getting your fucking lives threatened. You you're the most corrupt you have a lower rating than the Congress

as far as popularity goes how can you get any worse than that you're 95% of your lying motherfuckers and Trump's the first one to have any balls to call you out on it especially the New York Times CNN you CNN you're fucking embarrassing MSNB embarrassing you're out on it especially the new york time cnn you cnn you're fucking embarrassing msnb embarrassing you're still talking about stormy fucking daniels when trump was over in north korea fucking embarrassing you have given this guy zero credit crushed fucking isis the economy's booming unemployment at record fucking lows and and and you don't mention any of that pointing out that oh he fucking Don jr. met with a Russian good luck with that fuck you have to be dog style of me I hope people fucking threaten you I said it on my radio show I don't mean real violence I

like I said you see somebody at CNN you super soaker full of cat piss or you know uh cool whip pie with some fucking I don't't know, hot sauce in it. Fellas, what do you use to blind your enemies? But what a fucking, what a bunch of shit. I told the president directly that I thought that his language was not just divisive, but increasingly dangerous. Oh, did you? How about the horse shit you've been pumping out for the last 50 years?

Paper of record. How about you're fucking fucking you're putting soldiers in danger actually putting military secrets and you look back you can fucking google it just fucking horseshit some lady that worked at the times came out and said yeah we have to change our ways remember about a year and a half ago after trump got elected and they were talking about how they got it so wrong, the election. She was like the editor or some higher up. I don't even remember her fucking name coming out saying, yeah, we have to reassess what we do.

So give me a fucking break. I told the president directly that I thought that his language is not just divisive, increasingly dangerous. I told him that although the phrase fake news is untrue, the fuck is it untrue how is it untrue Brian Ross at ABC get fucking fired but remember for presenting false news about the economy and the and what Trump was going to do and stocks tanked remember he get fucking canned for that CNN Donna Brazil

had the questions before the hillary bernie debate how the where do you get your fucking nutsack honest to god anyways i warn that this inflammatory language is contributing to a rise in threats against journalists and will lead to violence like all the shit on the mainstream media, not just the newspapers, ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, like all that hasn't led to fucking 538 Trump supporters getting your face bashed in if you wear a Trump hat or a t-shirt. Give me a fucking break.

Are you really that much of a bubble or is that just willful ignorance? I don't know. But I'm glad Trump, I'm glad Trump calls him out. He should do it more anybody with me fucking Salzburg liar liar whore liar whore you know 530 acts of uh media-approved violence and harassment against Trump supporters and by the way I've been a

victim of it okay I'll give you an update on that, too. I find the lawyer, a Russian woman who seems to take, you know, the First Amendment and freedom of speech very seriously. Guess she probably grew up in Russia. She was referred to me by this other guy, Mr. Funk. And I talked to her today. And if you people wondering what's going on with my assault case, I'm not letting that go again because I couldn't hit back because she was a girl, even though they can do anything we can do. I'm going to. I swear to God, these two nerds love the fact that somebody like me, they probably look at me as a bully. They love the that's makeup. No, look at that. It's like I fell in an inkwell. it's like a felon in inkwell anyways i'm putting this uh russian woman on it this lawyer here in westchester and um i'm not gonna stop i'm a fucking pitbull and we're gonna hold her responsible otherwise it's gonna be mayhem out there you know if the right started acting one-eighth as douchey as the left the far left these people that you know are fucking taking a a pickaxe to trump's star on the hollywood walk of fame and shit if the fucking right starts acting that would be that are fucking taking a pickaxe to Trump's star

on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. If the fucking right starts acting that way, it'll be full-blown civil. Did you see any of the clips of the brawls? There was another brawl on Hollywood Boulevard because of Trump's star. It is a civil war right now.

But the right's not fighting back right now. By the way, we have all the guns. So be careful what you wish for. Just remember that. That's enough for today. Would you agree? Sure, kids. Tomorrow is what? Tuesday?

Tomorrow's Tuesday. I don't know what. I'll get up and do my research. Fellas, anything left to say? Would you like to add anything before I wrap this one up? I think we're good back here. Yeah, you sound it. You're bringing that energy, I'll tell you.

Yeah. It's like a couple, it's like I'm at a nursery looking at a couple of premature babies through the glass. Goo goo ga ga, motherfucker. Oh boy, fucking Ryan's all cocky he got some sneaky finger at Fuddruckers

alright that is it I have nothing else remember you guys think it and I'll say it you're welcome and we'll see you guys

tomorrow at the same time yeah well that would be the premium show so if you guys are Patreon members if you haven't signed up cause you haven't signed up because

you won't get tomorrow's show this one was for free this one's on me that's the type of guy i am because i love you you don't believe me listen to my friend lee i love you for helping me to construct of my life not a tavern where's all those fights that should be up there? I love you because you have done so much. Diversity. To make me happy. Melting pot. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign.

You have done it by just being yourself. Look at this, an experiment that's not working. Perhaps, after all, that is what love means. And that is why I love you. Good day, everybody.