The Nick DiPaolo Show - Texas Has Enough | Nick Di Paolo Show #1522

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden seeing dead people, Texas shutting down UT's DEI and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Hey, hey, welcome everybody on a Wednesday. How you is? How you was? And what it was? Great to be with you. Having a great time in Texas right now. That's right. It's the ghost of Nick with you today. Good to see you. Hey, big episode, second half of the show.

We got Nick's, another episode of nick's bitching kitchen with a killer this one you really want to write down or whatever or record uh it's a delicious recipe i stole so and that's why we saved it for a whole year for the super bowl that's right it's a chili made with brisket and holy fucking moly is it worth And once again, with stuff like that, you cook it a day or two earlier and then serve it. And you don't think it makes a difference. Holy shit, does it make a difference. It's frigging crazy. You know?

It's like women, they get, no, that's not right. Patrice O'Neill. Pussy ain't like wine. It don't get better when it ages. It ages like bread. Again, white guy says that he's a fucking misogynist. He says that he's a genius. What a quote, and what a genius he was. Still miss that fella. Real quick, Dallas and his pregnant wife were walking through a beautiful park here in Savannah, and they came upon this poster, of course, attached to a telephone pole. As you can see, it's two girls who have never seen a dick, as usual, and they seem to migrate to the left when that happens. Look at fucking Shemp Howard there with the black hair. Oh my God.

And the other one, I don't even know how to describe that. Who was the Steelers defensive back with the Hawaiian guy? He's in the Head and Shoulders commercials now. To a lower, whatever the fuck his name. Anyways, it says, vote 2024 Socialists. This is Claudia de la Cruz for president. For president? What the fuck does that even mean?

For president of what? Of what? Yeah, they just, I guess, launched their campaign January 31st. Well, this is how I feel about her campaign. Vote for Summer. Yeah, right, I'm not voting for her. It says, and I'll read it to you, seize the top 100,

seize the top 100 corporations to meet the needs of all people and save the planet. First of all, you blame corporations for destroying the planet. So you're going to seize it and do what with it? And let me ask you a question. You girls own cars.

Who made those cars? Corporations. Who made the posters? Who did make the posters? Kinkos? Yeah. Looks like a four-year-old. Should have done a hand turkey.

Why did I say that, Dallas? Watching an episode of The Sopranos the other night. Uncle Junior's in the nursing home. And the woman goes, they're doing like arts and crafts. The woman goes, well, you can make a hand turkey. Uncle Junior,

without even looking at it, goes, for Christmas, you fucking idiot. Best show in the history of the planet. Anyways, I digress. Seize the, yeah, corporations and save the planet. Democracy and equality for the working class, not a dictatorship of the rich. Fucking insane.

Here's the big headline. End capitalism before it ends us. When you say end you, what? fucking insane. Here's the big headline. End capitalism before it ends us. When you say end you, what? As an ugly lesbian? What are you talking about? First of all, last time I checked, we're the only superpower left on the planet.

China's moving up, but... I don't know. Just saw a headline this morning that said that their economy is actually moving backwards now. Yes, that's true. That's true. But all they have to do is make a slinky factory. End the U.S. Empire. End the U.S. Empire.

Peace, not war with China and Russia. I would fucking kick these girls right in their big testicles if I saw these mustachio pigs. Anyways, if you see these girls around town, punch them right in the side of the head as hard as you can. Fuck you.

Okay? I don't like you. I totally smushed. Anyways, let's get to a story before we get to the kitchen. A couple of stories, actually. I see dead people. Who said that? Excuse me, Joe Biden.

President Joe Biden on Sunday appeared to confuse French President Emmanuel Macron with his late predecessor, Francois Mitterrand, who died in 1996. Uh-oh, retard alert. What a fucking retard alert. Has this guy proven beyond a doubt that he should be in a nursing home and not even competent enough to? The historical stumble, yeah, real historical, about as historical as the sun coming up, came during a campaign speech in Las Vegas, where Joe was caught shitting behind the wheel of fortune machine,

where the octogenarian was recounting meeting leaders of the G7 countries in 2021 in Cornwall, England. During the address to supporters, Biden mentioned speaking to the two-term 1981 to 95 French leader, confusing him for Macron. It was in the south of England, and I sat down and I said, America is back. And Mitterrand from Germany, I mean from France, he said, looked at me and said, you know what? Why? How long you back for? And I looked at him and the Chancellor of Germany said, what would you say, Mr. President, if you picked up the paper tomorrow in the London Times and the London Times said,

a thousand people break through the House of Commons, break down the doors, two Barbies are killed to stop the election of a prime minister. What would you say? Who's asking that to who? First of all, if you're alluding to January 6th, no cops were killed. One guy died of a heart attack. Later. I never thought about it from that perspective.

What would we say if that happened in another democracy around the world, he continued. Not even a good analogy. He just spoke. He just spoke. The White House later posted the remarks which had the name Mitterrand excised and replaced with Macron. Mitterrand, who was France's president from 81 to 95, died in 96 at the age of 79. He died on a unicycle trying to jump a bus. That was fucking surprising. Well, you know, all those Frenchies, they all look the same.

They do. They all taste the same, too. Like frog legs. I like frog legs, by the way. Especially when they're spread wide open. Not the girls. France, they don't douche over there. They don't believe in that stuff.

Ask Biden. All right. But can you imagine he's talking to dead people like the kid in the movie? Talking to dead people. That's your president, folks. Every time he appears on TV in front of the world. Well, that's why they're not letting him on the Super Bowl. Yes, as you know, presidents for the last, I don't know how many Super Bowls,

get a real softball interview. It's three minutes long usually. Joe says he's not doing it. Maybe he'll get enough blowback where he does, whatever. You can do it from your wheelchair, asshole. You know what I mean? You don't have to fly to the Super Bowl. Trump would be there.

Trump would insist on being on the coin toss. Grabbing the mic from the ref. I got five times and a niners. Who do you have? I don't know the line. Let me guess. Oh, don't tell me. I'm just going to guess.

I would think the Chiefs would be minus three and a half. Do you know what it is, Dylan? It's got San Francisco minus one and a half. Oh, they think it's going to be closer than I do. All right. Not bad. So who do I got? I don't know yet.

I'll tell you after the show. Because when I hit that big pot, I don't want to come into the house. Anyways, let's move on. Speaking of a football state, Texas has had enough is the headline. A black University of Texas. That's Austin, University of Texas. Keep that in mind Oh before I go on

In the second half of the show I'll be doing the bitchin' kitchen With a killer Brisket chili recipe For the Super Bowl So stay tuned for that That's exclusively on Mug Club So go to nickdip.com

And sign up now Hey boys and girls Head over to nickdip.com To get exclusive now. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. A black University of Texas at Austin sophomore, did I say black to her? Yeah. Look at me. I don't want to miss that part.

Said her classmates were disappointed, her other black classmates, to find, maybe it was whites too, to find out that there won't be a black graduation sponsored by KFC this year. What? No, the university won't sponsor just a black graduation. Erin McCormick, who's whiter than I am, seen here. Look at, she's got a white girl's name. Eric McCormick told Fox News Digital. So she's upset we can't have just like a segregated

black graduation. Oh, boy, you cutie pie for a, you know, an Aisha. The universe. Well, put the university sent an email last month saying that they will cease funding cultural graduation ceremonies for minority populations such as blacks, Latinos, and Asians in light of the state's ban, this is new too, on diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts. That's DEI efforts in the state. God bless Texas. See, that doesn't sit well at a university anywhere in the country, never mind in Austin. Austin is left wing as they come. McCormick added that she loved hostess yodels. No. Added that minority students graduating from college is a big accomplishment in the grand scheme of things, given the history of the United States. So once once again somebody who's on a

progressive campus in a progressive city is thinking backwards once again living talking like it's 1958 who has all the freedoms and advantages that you know we have modern day well it shows how deep they have brainwashed these kids she doesn't even fucking realize how good she's got it in And again, if white, again, you're agreeing with people your grandparents fucking hated, Bull Connor and the fucking rest, George Wallace. Now you're the segregationists. You don't see that? You're going to have a tough, tough, a tough job being a barista the rest of your life. So in other words, in the rest of your life.

So in other words, in the history of the United States, being so racist. And again, the word there, key word, is history. She added that the cultural graduations are not sending a message that they are better than white people graduating. Oh, we know that. Please, please, my.

It's kind of bummy. So I guess she's an English minor. It's kind of bummy. So I guess she's an English minor. It's kind of bummy. I don't remember that one on the SATs. Bummy is to tits. It's kind of bummy that they closed it because I feel like black graduation. It really celebrates the achievement. Yes, it does celebrate the achievement of this country overcoming something you're still whining about. That's what it celebrates. But you don't see that because your dyke professor with a crew cut and a sideburns, you know, Betty, what's her name, has brainwashed you to hate this place. Just because given the history of Texas and UT alone, Latinos are not always welcome here, not wanted to graduate from here.

Lies. I lived in Austin for eight years. And what are you saying? I am saying that she's a fuck full of shit because there's plenty of Latinos there. Goddamn right. They did the brickwork on the gym. What's his name that does the clips?

Send this to him. Do you send it to him or he picks them? Oh, fuck. I need you to do that. She added, so having black graduation is kind of a celebration of the history and of everything that the black community in Austin, especially UT Austin, has gone through.

She sounds like there was a fucking, you know, a Kent State shooting there. And then also, oh, wait a minute. What am I saying? There was a shooting. The tower shooting. Yeah. A long time ago.

Yeah. And nobody black was shot, I don't think. And then also UT, while being diverse, is not very diverse in the black student population. What does that even mean? What does that mean? Black population would be black people. It's not supposed to be diverse. What are you talking about?

That's like when the blackcus isn't diverse enough. So black graduation is a way for all of us to kind of, excuse me, find our own little niche community. I'm stupid, y'all. I'm cute, but I'm stupid, y'all. I'm stupid. Once again, they work community into it, as in communism. Niche community. She doesn't even get it. We all have our own little niche communities.

We're not a United States. Somebody help the bitch. The university's decision came after the campus multicultural engagement center, MEC, was closed in compliance with the state law. God bless Texas again. The closure of the multiculturalicultural Engagement Center impacted black graduation, Latinx graduation, and graduation. Graduation ceremony. That's a good one. That's so adorable. Yeah, but can't they still graduate? I don't know, and I don't give a fuck. Okay? I start paying attention, three sentences in, this fucking whore.

All right, you mommaly, mommalooks, mommalocks. What am I doing? Teasing? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, have I done that yet? No. Stick around because this is a good one coming up.

This is a great recipe. Second half of the show, Bitchin' Kitchen with one of my best recipes. Everyone else, you go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show. Also, the great Steven Crowder's full show. The great Alex Jones on Fridays. Brian Callen. The Hodge twins. The undercover team.

It's the best money you'll spend on the internet. And it's all backed up. Crowder backs everything up with facts. Everything. And it's funny. And when I'm on there, it's really fucking funny. So I'll be on there again today. I'm right now, I'm talking.

And you guys don't know I'm in there. Anyways, while you're at my website, nickdip.com, check the tour button. May 11th, I'll be at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. Please buy tickets. It is a huge venue, and I would appreciate it. You'll make my year if you do that, folks. I'll stay in comedy another four weeks if that place is filled. build. And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started, I go to town

Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else, I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get in trouble like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else

See ya, see ya, what are ya? I'm not like everybody else Baby