The Nick DiPaolo Show - The Cancer Has Cancer | Nick Di Paolo Show #1201

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

Putin's gots cancer? Biden's barrel of blunders. Mayorkas gaslights. Couch potato.

🎵 Oh yeah, oh yeah. How are you folks? Welcome to the Dirty Show. Oh, it's filthy Monday again. Jesus, when isn't it Monday, huh? I mean, this is how I know I'm getting lazy. I only work four days a week, and it's not enough weekend for me. Jesus Christ, the less you do, the more it flies by. Honest to God. Get up and live, Nick. Eh, I don't fucking give a... I like those people that, uh, I always laugh when I hear a story about people, you know, the ones that jump out of helicopters with skis on to ski down something. They die in an avalanche, and I sit there belly laughing, eating a box of Triscuits on the couch, scratching my nuts.

And I go, there's why. I have fun. He dead. Yeah, but he lived to... No, he didn't. He's 23. I'm 60. I'm still getting laid once every two years.

Fuck you. Alrighty, then. Nice write-up for Joe List, my buddy, and what was the, it's one of the websites that cover show business. That movie we shot up

in upstate New York this past summer. I think that'll be coming out. It'll start, I don't know, June, July. They're already promoting it, so I don't know

when the premiere is, but nice write-up on him, and I'm proud because I picked him out of the pile in Boston. It was just a drunk opening act, but I saw something in him. What was that? A giant cock. I said, that guy's for me. Good night, everybody. What?

Oh, yeah. It's the Wacky morning zoo show with ted and bubba anyhow uh what else over the weekend uh fucking red socks as soon as i mentioned their bullpen on this show they haven't held the lead for a fucking week and a half. Oh, they lost two to the Orioles. They haven't started hitting yet, but it's fucking, the minute I said it, the minute I brought it up here. Oh, my aching stem. They've lost like three games in the ninth, one in extra innings. Anyways, do I look fat? I should. Ate like, ate like, you know, I was on this, my 600 pound life. Oh yeah, that face is huge right now. Gonna knock it off. Anyways, what did I do? Let's put up Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. I'm cooking like a bitch these days, I'll tell you, but

look at that, folks. That's right out of my pizza oven. Homemade crust. That's prosciutto with arugula. It's actually a Wolfgang Puck recipe that I've been making for years. The wife loves it. And so does the retarded kid we adopted in the cellar. Yeah, absolutely. I got him tied to a radiator. We throw him some crust.

That is so, look at that, baby. Look at that crust. From scratch, folks. What else did I make? Shepherd's pie yesterday. Yeah, that's not too fattening. Are you dog styling me? You look at that shit you put on nine pounds.

Holy moly. The English, you know, they're known for shit food. But that one they got right. That's the last one they got right. The English, you know, they're known for shit food, but that one they got right. That's the last one they got right, the first one. A lot of Irish people make that now too, but it was confirmed by Dallas, who's been all over the world. I consider him a worldly guy. I was arguing with my wife. I said it was English, and I think it was, right? And the, you know, the drunk says, fucking hamburger potatoes! And I usually don't do desserts,

but that's a banana fucking crumb cake that'll make you harder than a fucking dude. That's as good as it looks. Four ripe bananas in there. It tastes more like banana than banana. You see the glasses over there? Those, my wife slapped them off my face after I had my 11th piece. Look, that's that. So I did that,

worked out, went to, picked up some shit at Lowe's with the wife. That's considered a fucking marriage weekend is what that is. But not a plant. Dude, Dallas, when we were at fucking pulling out of Lowe's, I said that to my wife.

As we're pulling out, motherfucker, I bet you there's 19 plants in there. That's so funny, and I still forget. Maybe I don't want it secretly. I don't know. Maybe we should just put one of the mannequins there. Bare chested. All right, let's get on to the show. That was my weekend.

Sorry to bore you folks. And American Idol was so fucking gay, I can't even talk about it. It was a Disney fucking, they made them sing Disney shit. And half the songs are grooming your children to be trans. What's going on in Russia?

We don't hear much, do we? About, see how that went to the back burner? Are people still being killed and shit how does that how does that get pushed out of the news or maybe i'm just not paying attention anyways putin kaput russian president vladimir putin set to undergo cancer surgery and temporarily hand over power to a hardline former federal police chief, according to a new report. Putin will transfer control of Russia's government to Nikolai Petrushev, head of the Russian Federal Police Security Council. Oh, I'm sure he's clean.

Look, it looks like Bill O'Reilly having chemo. Police Security Council, while he is incapacitated during and after the procedure, according to a video from the mysterious Telegram channel, General SVR on Saturday. Great. They've got a lineup. They've got full house. The channel, which is purportedly run by former Russian Foreign Intelligence Service Lieutenant General, known by the pseudonym Viktor Mikhailovich, reported that Putin has been told by doctors he must undergo an operation. We have the doctor talking to him. Comrade, here is something that might be of interest to you. You have a pilep in your ass.

The conversation between your helicopter pilot and your on-gun colleges. We have found tumors in your ass. Colorful tumors. The anticipated surgery and recovery are expected to incapacitate Putin for a short time. He's day-to-day with a hamstring, too, according to the unconfirmed report. Putin is unlikely to agree to hand over power for a longer period of time, the narrator of the video states,

adding that the control of the country will likely be in Petrushev's hands for no more than two to three days. Let's hope there's complications. They say this guy's worse than Putin, though. I will say that this is the worst option. The guy who wrote this, the narrator adds, Petrushev is an

outright villain. Is this guy right? Is he writing this in Russian and putting it on? He must have a death sentence. I don't know. Holy shit. Petrushev is an outright villain. He's no better than Vladimir Putin. Move over. I mean, moreover, he is a more cunning and I would say more insidious person than Vladimir Putin.

If he comes to power, Russians' problems will only multiply. Not a nice fellow. You're a real crumbum. The insider claimed that Putin's cancer is progressing. The insider claimed that Putin's cancer is progressing. But darkly quipped that he doesn't want to give viewers false hope. See, that's a guy making a joke about Putin dying. This guy, I hope the fuck he's doing that from a basement in New Jersey.

Sheep as crow. Putin, 70, whose sickly appearance and uncharacteristically fidgety behavior in public have recently raised questions about his health. It has been rumored to suffer from cancer and a host of other serious maladies, including Parkinson's disease. General SVR has been reporting on Putin's supposed ongoing oncology diagnosis since at least November 2020, claiming that the Russian dictator suffers from bowel cancer, the poor prick. Pass remote control and toilet paper. Another Russian investigative news outlet, Prach, paper. Another Russian investigative news outlet, Prach,

claimed last month that Putin had been visited dozens of times by a top thyroid cancer surgeon at his Black Sea residence. Oh my god, this does not sound good for pootie poo poo. Bye bye, dickhead. Aye, aye, aye.

Let's keep him away from the button while he's high on fucking painkillers and morphine. Wouldn't that be nice, though? But then you got that jerk off taking over. But I don't know. Be nice, huh? We can all dream.

Let's get to the leader of this country, if we had one. Biden's barrel of blunders. Boy, wait till you see this one, folks. How the 25th Amendment hasn't been invoked at least a year ago. It's a week into this presidency, he's beyond me. Gaff-prone President Biden has raised concerns after his latest, that's saying something, embarrassing blunder, which saw him repeatedly stumble over the word kleptocracy during a Thursday speech asking the United States.

Who's this? You motherfuckers, I'm busy. Hey, mom. Hello. Kiss my ass. Love you. Love you. Dallas, I love you too.

Speech asking the U.S. Congress for an additional $33 billion. That would make me stutter if I was asking for more money. But, guys, we've showed a ton of these gaffes and shit and how he really isn't fit. If this one doesn't clarify it to anybody who had any doubts, which I don't think there's anybody left, but check this out. We're going to accommodate them. We're going to seize their yachts, their luxury homes, and all their ill-begotten gains. We're going to accommodate them. We're going to accommodate them.

That was mistake number one. Kleptocracy. Kleptocracy. The guys who are the kleptocracies. But these are bad guys. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck. You know that? What we've got here is failure to communicate.

Biden, 79 or 179, was talking, trying to talk, we need a translator, does anybody know retard? Was talking about his administration's plans to seize Russian assets when he ran into some linguistic trouble. That's putting it lightly. When he sounded like he was blowing somebody is moments earlier biden also mistakenly said that the united states will accommodate the russian oligarchs accommodate and make sure we take care take care of their ill-begotten gains he said Come on, wacky bubba. Okay, I mean, honestly, this guy's a fucking foot from the button. You know why he said that?

Because he's part of a kleptocracy. Getting nervous. You should be able to say that in your sleep, you summer beach. Oh, it's embarrassing. Oh, the poor prick. And it really is. Joe Biden, you ought to be ashamed of yourself watching your husband being hung out the drive. Do you hear? Let me throw

this in as a footnote to the Biden family. Her biography came out or autobiography. I don't want to look the fuck in. You know how many people bought it? 250. 250 people. Not 1,000. Not 1,000. Not 2,500. 250.

You figure 200 of those people are Bidens in her family. Yeah, well, she's not interesting. Neither is he. She's dumb. Fucking Tucker Carlson was reading her theses in college. Sounds like I fucking wrote it. Oh, my God. fucking Tucker Carlson was reading her theses in college sounds like I fucking wrote it oh my god enough in the official transcript of Biden's remarks that was later posted on the White House website the word accommodate was stricken out to indicate that Biden actually meant to say hold accountable

same thing accommodate hold accountable when I used to drive drunk and I almost burned the house down making alias pizza pizza, my father, you know, accommodated me to bed. A fucking backhand into the face. None of this escaped the attention of Biden's detractors on social media, which should be all the country. America deserves better, Executive Director of Advocacy Group America Matters, Jim Hansen tweeted. Oh, the Muppets.

I know that was Hansen. Vernon Jones, isn't that the old black dude that hung out with Bill Clinton, who was running for Congress? Apparently not. He can't be running for Congress. In Georgia, urged First Lady Jill Biden to get involved. Exactly. This guy hit it right on the nose. At Dr. Biden, this has to end. Stop allowing your husband to be abused for the love of your family and country. Put his health first. Take President Biden home before it's too late, she tweeted, concerned about the leader's cognitive health.

What do you mean? And how come he hasn't had to take that test that Trump had to take? You know, remember? TV, refrigerator, tampon, yummy snatch. Ah, oh my God. I just went past that next headline. What is it? Something busted.

Biden's balls busted. Part two of Joey Biden. He got his balls busted a little bit. As you know, the press correspondence dinner was this week. It hasn't happened in like three years. And Trevor Noah, and again, folks, I'll show you just a clip or two, but I watched the whole thing last night. It's like a 30-minute.

And you know what? He did a decent job. He went after both sides. He tried to. But I want you guys, as my fans, to see when we talk about political correctness ruining this country the last 30 years, it emanates from D.C. This has always been my thing because it's literally politics, political correctness, how you would speak if you made your living. These jerk offs, especially the press, take themselves so fucking serious. Anytime, and I'm not going to, I'm only showing you a couple jokes, but you can go home.

Anytime he threw a jab at the press, which is what he's supposed to do when you're hosting that, they would get dead silent like children. Oh, that's not funny. Even if it was a good joke. And even when he had, even when he went after Republicans and he said something kind of mean, even when he went after Republicans and he said something kind of mean, they would back off. There were plenty of spots where he was getting nothing, and I felt, I mean, he did fine,

but I'm just saying, those people are the problem. They take themselves so fucking serious and the generation before them, and they're the ones, the media, who have got us into this PC cycle. And if you watch it, you can see how it happened. They're the most stuffed shirt assholes.

Even when he zung by them with some good ones, they're like, oh. I mean, just fucking, ugh. And, you know, like I said, it's a tough job, but let's show a clip of, I've met the guy. I, again, Trevor Noah's a nice guy. I don't even know if he believes what he believes. Getting nice paycheck from Comedy Central.

I met him at the comedy cell when he first came to town and he's a decent guy, but here we go. You know, sir, can I just say- It's not funny. I think everyone will agree that it's actually nice to once again have a president who's not afraid to come to the White House Correspondents' Dinner and hear jokes about himself- Pause. Now, I'll tell you why that's a stupid line, and obviously somebody wrote it for

him. Yeah, Joe had the balls to come to a dinner and hear jokes about himself because he's in a room with, I don't know, 2,000 press people who protect him around the clock 24-7. That takes a lot of balls as opposed, can you imagine if Trump went there? And that's not why he didn't go anyways, but can you blame him? But you see how they do it? Like it's the same thing. They don't touch on why Trump might not have gone. These are his best friends. They put him in the White House, you can argue. Anyhow, back to the show.

I'll be honest. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. If you didn't come, I totally would have understood. Yeah. Yeah, because these people have been so hard on you, which I don't get. I really don't. You know, I think ever since you've come into office, things are really looking up. You know, gas is up. Rent is up. Food is up, food is up, everything.

No, it really has been a tough first year for you, Mr. President. And surely you must be a little worried about 2024. You know, there's a lot of passion on the Republican side. There really is. You know, it's going to be an interesting time. And as you all know, President Biden's lack of a filter does get him into hot water sometimes. You know, last month he caused a huge international incident saying that Vladimir Putin should be removed from power. It was very, very upsetting to Russia.

Yeah, until someone explained to them that none of the stuff Biden wants actually gets done. Great job. But despite some hiccups, President Biden has led the country through some really dark times since he took office. The COVID pandemic, the war in Ukraine, the launch of CNN Plus. And don't forget, don't forget, don't forget, he's also had some major legislative successes. You know, in his first year in office, I might add, you know, he got a bipartisan infrastructure bill passed that would do everything from fixing America's roads and bridges to modernizing school buses, which Matt Gaetz's girlfriend is very excited about. Don't boo love.

Not to mention, no president in my memory has given more marginalized groups opportunities. And I'm talking about women, the LGBTQ community, the Taliban, the list goes on and on. All right. And that's what he was doing well. And then, like I said, he took shots at the press other than CNN. And you fucking,

anything that was a little mean and personal, he'd get dead silence on. So, God, I'd like to do that. You want to see dead silence? Put me in that room. I would fucking

leap over the goddamn podium, grab Brian Stelter by his third chin, fucking choke him out. So anyways, I thought he did terrific. You Hillary? I see Hillary liked it. I don't know, but I've been told. Let's stay on the Biden administration and people who really hate this country.

And nobody is a bigger liar and half a fag. I say that lovingly, folks, you know. I'm dressed like a half a fag. You know what that means? I have a skirt on below. Alejandro the Maggot Mayocas. Gaslighting again. There he is, waiting for a load to land on his fucking chops.

Secretary of Homeland Security, Alejandro. Alejandro! I suck cock. Mayorkas. And I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. I'll never get old to me. said Sunday on CNN's State of the Union that the Disinformation Governance Board would not infringe on free speech

or monitor Americans. I wonder if he gave that to the person interviewing him on CNN. Oh, it was CNN. And I wonder, gee, you think they gave her a list of questions? That's a hard-hitting one, isn't it? Isn't it?

Like, he's going to go, yeah, we do monitor. Go ahead. This, what exactly will this disinformation governance board do? Will it monitor American citizens? Dan, I'm very pleased to do so. It's clear, I mean, those criticisms are precisely the opposite of what this small working group within the Department of Homeland Security will do. And I think we probably could have done a better job of communicating what it does and does not do. Because it's always, do you notice this? It's always when they put something in

policy out there that America doesn't like, that's always the messaging. You guys weren't smart enough to understand what we were saying. They've done that 20 times in the last month. It's always, our messaging was wrong. No, we understand exactly what you're doing, you fucking Orwellian cocksucker. Nick, clean it up. I can't. I like to swear.

You need to shut the fuck up. Go ahead. The fact is that disinformation that creates a threat to the security of the homeland is our responsibility to address. And this department has been addressing it for years, throughout the years of the prior administration and an ongoing basis. Disinformation from Russia, China, Iran. We know the problems but it's still not clear to me how this governance board will act. What will it do? So what it does is it works to ensure that the way in which we address threats, the connectivity between threats and acts of violence are addressed without infringing on free speech,

protecting civil rights and civil liberties, the right of privacy. And the board, this working group, internal working group, will draw from best practices and communicate those. Shut up. Shut up. And he still didn't answer the question. Oh, he answered it. He fucking answered it with exactly the opposite of what it's going to do. Without

infringing on civil rights. It's exactly what it's going to do. That's what they do. They're such bold-faced, cocksucking liars. They tell you exactly the opposite of what's really going to happen. Gee, and that was a hard hit. Are you going to monitor? Yeah, we might monitor.

Are you fucking kidding me? Why do you decide what misinformation is? And we all know what the definition of it is, anything that the Biden administration disagrees with. How much was left? Did he talk anymore? Go ahead. Fuck it. How much was left? Did he talk anymore? Go ahead. Best practices to the operators because the board does not have operational authority.

Will American citizens be monitored? No. Oh, my God. Take that. No. I'd be pleased to. Do you know when politicians say that when they know they have their lying talking points in order and they're ready to go? I'd be pleased to. Do you know when politicians say that? When they know they have their lying talking points in order and they're ready to go?

I'd be pleased to. That's a ministry of truth, folks. Again, read 1984. That's all that is. And it goes one way. Anything that leans right is fucking considered misinformation. They've already done it on Facebook, Twitter. I mean, we've been talking about it for years.

Misinformate. They've already done it on Facebook, Twitter. I mean, we've been talking about it for years. And then the earlier one, last week we told him, and he said it's going to protect elections, remember? Like the Republicans are the ones who fucking stole the last one. Mayorkas, I hope you don't feel good. Yes? Dallas?

Oh, I thought you were saying something. I saw your head go down. What are you doing? Crossword? Sudoku. That's what it looked like. I'm working you into the show, man. Very good. I'm working you into the show, man. Very good. Headline, Billy Marr, our boy Billy Marr, awakening continues.

Comedian Bill Marr is all for Elon Musk's purchase of Twitter, saying the company needs a new sheriff after it failed to follow the First Amendment. after it failed to follow the First Amendment. And again, Bill Maher, once again, I like how he's finally woke. I actually tweeted that when I saw this clip. I just tweeted the headline, Bill Maher or something, a blast Twitter, and I said, this is the true meaning of woke.

He's finally woken up. But see, he helped create this environment we're in. So did every other lefty that's seeing uh starting to see clearly now you know um even even like joe rogan was way he's finally waking up to the i was on a show what three years ago yelling about nbc and msnbc and he was telling me how much trump fucking lies and shit but But now he smells the fucking, you know? How am I just sitting here? I'm not a trillionaire.

Well, because you look fucking bloated. All right. Here's Bill Maher talking about what Twitter has been doing wrong recently. You have. You failed when you threw the New York Post off of Twitter for talking about Hunter Biden's emails. You're a year late, Bill.

And it turned out that was a real story. Right. You failed. Pause. Pause. You failed to talk about it on your show when it happened and said, look, maybe the conservatives are right. You don't have to be conservative. You have to lean a cunt hair right.

Maybe you failed too, Bill. I'm glad you failed too, Bill. I'm glad you're coming around again, but you ignored it too because you read the news every day like everybody else, and so does your staff. And you looked at it and you didn't touch it.

And you could because you got a good audience you had for a long time. So that backs my argument that you've helped create this fucking illusion. Go ahead. I'm glad.

You said we couldn't read about whether COVID had come from a lab. Yeah. Where were you? You failed. Did you read about this Babylon B? Do you know what the Babylon B is? I didn't know this.

No. It's like the Christian version of the onion. Why? Why? Because everyone needs that. Pause. Pause. Pause. Jerkoff Velshi there.

He's from MSNBC. Elitist cocksucker. He's a big asshole that he looks. Do you hear him? Christian whatever, parody or whatever they said, right? Satire. Like we need more of that. He right there is everything that's wrong with the problem.

Look at him. Smiling, shit-eating grin because he's so much smarter the same with jerk off senator allen a democrat on the right over there um look at him just smug yeah we need more christian blah blah blah blah fucking at least bill maher's coming around. I know it's way too late, but when he jumped on that, yeah, like we need more of that. You know, because Christians are the worst people in the world, and anybody from the right,

you know, miss him, go ahead. Some people do. I thought that was Fox News. They're not all you and me, okay? Pause. It says you're trusted. Pause. You hear what he said to him?

He goes, some people do need more of that because they're not all you and me. He gets it. Belch, you don't get it. They wouldn't hire him at NBC. Go ahead. It's sourced for Christian news and satire. I didn't know it was such a thing as Christian satire. I thought the religion itself was satire.

That's me. I'm not everybody. Okay? I'm not everybody. Have a little humility. Can you imagine a Christian guy on TV saying that about the Jewish faith? Or Islam. Well, yeah, I know, but I'm talking... That goes without fucking saying, Islam. But, you know, if a Christian said that, he'd have the Anti-Deaf Mission League at his house tonight. He'd be fucking canned.

You know? But he gets to say it because he's on HBO, whatever the fuck. Again, I'm happy he's coming around. But I have this theory about people who smoke weed. They're always years behind the times. They really are. I don't care if they're comedians. They're a little behind the times. They really are. I don't care if they're comedians. They're a little behind the times.

Finally, he's waking up. I almost think he might be watching Gutfeld and going, why is this kid getting numbers? Oh. You know how rich Bill Maher is, by the way? He owns part of the fucking New York Mets. He's had a pretty good career. Go ahead. Look at this.

They got flagged for they posted a funny video. This is funny to them. Okay. Sensitive content, Twitter said. In the video, they were making fun of Twitter for being too sensitive. This is so through the looking glass. Here's what happens in the video. This woman who, going into the Twitter building, this is, you know, parody.

This is what people do on television and have done forever. Okay, she's complaining to HR about how sensitive Twitter is. And the guy shows her an inkblot and she keeps seeing Hitler in all the inkblots. Okay, then she runs screaming out of the building. They're actually laughing. Because she's...

This is sat... This is well within what satire has always been. Listen to that. And the fact that they flagged this for being insensitive shows their complete lack of self-awareness about what their own problem is. If that's where the line is, you have failed, Twitter. You do need a new show.

Thank you, Billy. And the crowd applauds. So we're actually making inroads finally. It had to get to this point. This fucking crazy. He's defending the Babylon Bee. You know? And he's fucking right.

A little late, but better late than ever. Than never, I should say. Did I say ever? I have another scotch. It's refreshing. So anyways, joined by MSNBC's Ali Velshi, that was a jerk-off, and former Senator Doug Jones, a Democrat, Alabama, so you know he's retarded. How can you be a Democrat? Why don't you be a Republican in New York?

Anyways, Ma railed against the censorship on Twitter, which was recently purchased by Musk for 44 mil, with his purported goal to privatize the company and restore free speech. God, what a threat. Twitter also blocked users from sharing the link to the Post article. Remember, indicator Hunter Biden's introduced President Biden to the Ukrainian businessman,

calling the link potentially harmful is what Twitter called it. Potentially harmful. Fuck your mother! Facebook also said it would limit the spread of the post story on its own platform. How'd we even... Let me ask you a question. How the fuck... If they didn't do that, and you want me to believe Biden got 81 million

bucks. The biggest media platforms had to lie, put zillions of dollars for him to win. And you want me to believe 81 million people. In November 2020, former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey said Twitter made a mistake. There he is. By barring users from sharing the post revelatory report about Hunter Biden's emails. We recognize it is a mistake. It is a mistake that we made both in terms of intention of the policy and also the enforcement action of not allowing people to share it publicly or privately, Dorsey said, during a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in which Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was grilled by lawmakers over the company's

influence and perceived anti-conservative bias. During a House Energy and Commerce Committee hearing on misinformation in social media in March of 2021, Dorsey said the post-blackout was a process error. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. The balls, huh? It was literally just a process, Harry, he said. This was not against them in any particular way. Dorsey told Congress, you do this. This is fun. The balls on these people. Even Billy Mars coming around.

That's how bad it's gotten, folks. And will it ever get to a point, though, where we can make... Is our hard drive permanently damaged? That's my question. Will I ever be able to do fucking Muslim jokes and fucking Jew jokes and Guinea jokes and black jokes? Not even jokes, just references, Like we did on Tough Crowd, the show that this world needs right now. It was brutally fucking honest. Everybody was fine after the show. I always told you, comedy's a release valve.

Silence is when it builds up, when you just fucking look at each other with hate and have all this distrust. You get together and start busting each other's butt. Next thing you know, you're sharing a beer. Honest to God. Yeah, that's the way it was in the Army. Yeah, right, Dallas? All that pressure builds

up. You got to vent. You got to let go. Good leaders would let people do that, and everything was better for it. That's right. You get to know each other when you're living next to each other and whatever. You're like, oh, he is sort of like me. Or it's like, why does that guy have a vagina in the shower? I don't know. That's the new woke military.

Anyhow, final story today. That went by fast. Couch potato. God, this one made me sad. Holy moly. A Louisiana couple whose daughter was found dead, covered in human waste, and melted into their couch. She literally melted into their couch, is facing a possible murder charge, leaving those around them in shock, a report said. Sheila and Clay Fletcher, seen here, are under scrutiny after shocking new details emerged about the January 3rd death of their 36-year-old daughter,

Lacey Ellen Fletcher, who was found, this may be a gag, on a ratty couch, covered in urine and feces, that's like me at the end of the weekend after watching UFC, and weighing less than 100 pounds. That is just... Don't say a fucking word to me I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head God help me

Look at that's where she was sitting up folks Dead for who knows how long And look at this couple here This reminds me of that show I'm watching Evil Lives Here Cause it is it's everyday people you don't know what's going on That's the premise you don't know what's going on in the house next door to you Or down the block

They look you know like Dallas said You'd expect to be a couple of hillbillies You don't know what's going on. That's the premise. You don't know what's going on in the house next door to you or down the block. They look, you know, like Dallas said, you'd expect to be a couple of hillbillies from West Virginia or poor people in the city, whatever. Clay resigned from the Baton Rouge Civil War roundtable in the wake. What the fuck is that? Is that like Dungeons and Dragons on Friday night? In the wake of the disturbing news, while Sheila, the douchebag wife, a former town alderman, oh, she's in DePaul, is reportedly on leave from a job as an assistant to Zachary City prosecutor. Shocked because it doesn't match any of my experience of him, roundtable member John Potts told Be Proud of Clay, whatever the fuck that is.

He's completely different than what you would expect someone like that to be. Yeah, I would hope so. Look at this guy. It's like Joe Manchin's ghost. The TV station reported that many friends didn't know the Fletchers even had a daughter. So they kept this poor thing. Potts told the station that, look at beautiful young lady. 36.

How do you go 36 years and nobody knows? No, exactly. Same way I did not mention my wife. Listen. That is not even funny, folks. Potts told the station that he only heard Clay mention Lacey when she died. The details are horrific.

There is no doubt about that. And I can't conceive of how something like it could even happen, Potts told the station. Police responded to a 911 call from Sheila on January 18th, and responding emergency workers were greeted by an imposing stench and gruesome sight. Lacey, who reportedly suffered from a rare neurological disorder, that means your spinal cord, probably paralyzed, was found sitting up on a couch that had been worn through with excrement. The daughter had ulcers on her bottom and was infected with COVID-19,

District Attorney Sam DeLulia alleged. The DA is planning to present a second-degree murder charge for the parents to a grand jury on Monday. What's the world coming to? What the fuck? My heart breaks for that girl. What did they do, Just like ignore her?

Where is that room? It's obviously like one company can't walk by. What do you do? Spray Glade? When you have company all the time? I don't want them to smell a dead daughter in the other room. You fucking evil people.

Evil, evil, evil. Evil lives there. Are you sure you're not getting paid by them? I really should be, huh? What else do I plug a lot on this show? Red Sox bullpen. I'll keep that quiet for a while. I can't believe. It's like when I watched the Bruins a couple years ago, I said to my wife, this was like three years ago, Kevin Miller might be one of my favorite Bruins of all time. He was a maniac defenseman that would flatten people. He was just angry all the time, his hair's hanging in his face.

I never saw him lose a fight, just a fucking madman. I go, he might be my favorite Bruin. That night he fucks up his knee. Never saw him again. He tried to come back last year. Had to retire. That's why I'm making fun of Joy Behar tonight. That is it. We love you guys for tuning in once again.

Don't forget to sign up monthly, please, at thecomicsgym.com or patreon.com. Please do this. Will you please? Go to nickdip.com if you want to click on the tour button. I will be at Governor's, one of my favorite old clubs. I don't do many clubs anymore, but I was going up to do peak skill,

and you might as well throw one in. Pick up 11.50. You might as well throw one in. Pick up 1150. Levittown, Governors, this Friday night. Following night, Paramount Theater in Peekskill, New York. Hope to see you there. And don't forget Cameo.com.

If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, go to Cameo.com. Tell me about them. I'll make a minute and a half, two-minute video giving them real zingers. That's it. You guys think it. I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see a minute and a half, two minute video giving them rails and zingers. That's it. You guys think it. I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music