The Nick DiPaolo Show - The Premier of The Nick Di Paolo Show!

Episode Date: July 11, 2018

The premier of the new live streaming The Nick Di Paolo Show. I want you all to enjoy your cake....so.....enjoy!!!!

Thank you. Oh, yeah. Welcome, folks. That high note is a sign. I am back. How are you? Good to be with you. The Nick DiPaolo podcast. The number, if you want to call, and we're going to treat this just like the Sirius Radio show, 888-599-NICK.

888-599-6425, 888-599-6425. If you want to chime in. And great to be back. It seems like it's taken forever. I know a lot of people busting my balls on Twitter and social media. What's taking so long? Blah, blah, blah. But, you know, I wanted to do it right.

Because if I threw some shit up there, you'd be the first ones to jump down my throat. Because that's social media. And it's the world we live in. But it took a while, a lot of money. I've borrowed over $200,000. I'm in the hole. But I want to give some thank yous before I forget the people that made this possible. I'm talking about, first of all, Will Wilkerson and the people at ConnectPal. By the way, the ConnectPal show is done, folks. People have been asking me on there.

That's done. But I want to thank Will Wilkerson and ConnectPal. That was my first podcast that led to the Sirius Radio show. I can't thank them enough. They're more than gracious. And even when I left, if I was them, I'd be like, well, fuck you. Now you're leaving us in the dust. Well, that's life. It sucks. But Will Wilkerson and all the subscribers at ConnectPal.

Michael Baker, my web guy, Michael Baker Digital. So he did the live opening. Sell for Tucci. Color my world. They built the sound booth. This guy was unbelievable him and 12 uh guatemalans showed up and they were here 10 minutes and built out this used to be a kitchen down here they they built the sound booth this guy does unbelievable work color my world is his

company he did derek jeter's house and howard stern's apartment jason manello did the logo design the podcast artwork and can we get a wide shot guys behind me let's go to the uh the wide shot i want to show the mural that's uh that's john mcgraw photography i found that online and uh that's a shot of a a place in boston and uh at john mcgraw photography he provided us with that to be a fan, so I got a break there financially. And Glenn Baback, which is at Pinpoint. He made the murals, logos, hats, T-shirts. Matt Nichols, soundproofing engineer.

My buddy Rob Sprantz at Riotcast and Bobby Kelly. They're always there when I have a question. And so I got to thank them, too. Robin and Susan Kraft at Creative Flooring provided the rug, which has already been stained. I can't tell you how and why. And, of course, the theme music was done by none other than Richie Castellano of Blue Waste Occult fame. And Richie is unbelievably talented. So J. Romanello is the one we have to thank the most.

This is the tech guy right there. There he is. That looks like a shot of a cancer ward in the waiting room at Sloan Kettering. But that's Jay. That's Jay. His company is ITYS. I told you so, Productions. He started at ESPN when they were using candlelight and shit.

He covers NASCAR, hockey. He doesn't take a day off. interactions he started at espn when they were using candlelight and and shit he covers nascar hockey he doesn't take a day off he saw me on anthony comia show and uh this was months ago and i said hey i need a tech guy if i'm gonna do this i was dumb enough to answer the phone yes he answered the phone because he's up and he has a coke problem he's up all night and um so yeah that's how we found him we answered an email and he's been and he has a coke problem. He's up all night. And so, yeah, that's how we found him. We answered an email, and he's been a godsend. He comes here for the last month at least three times a week, 10, 12 hours a day.

Right, Jay? And I've been laughing every minute I've been here. Let's not fucking lie. This house is doom and gloom. Let's be honest. I'm going to throw in my one joke and go away. Now I work with vaginas and assholes. Goodbye.

That's, all right if i know you had that type of uh he does he edits he's been doing a thing a medical thing where he edits uh vagina operations at home he has to edit the the photography he's up to his he's up to his elbows and pussy he has a rubber thing with no legs he showed showed me. Looked like a girl from Afghanistan. What? There's the first insult. But I think the Patreon feed right now, this is the first show. There's going to be some bugs, folks.

So the Patreon feed and the NickDip.com feed, we're working on that right now. We had it right before the show started, so we're working on that. But we'll be with you soon. So just be patient. And I want to thank the Connect Pal subscribers real quick. These guys kept contributing after the Connect Pal show and off the air, the podcast. Jonathan Keller, Buddy Galore, Robert Schluetter, Dennis Paul, Daniel Pamentuin, Joseph Valtry. Nicktip.com is up, I was just told.

So one down, one to go. Douglas Edwards, Joseph Crisberg, Keith Anderson, Jennifer Bella, Sean Murphy, Nicholas Simone, Jose Blasek. That's right, I have plenty of Hispanic-slash-Jewish fans. Julie Corwin, Edward Bullock, James Shearer, Tyler Blickenstaff, Dino Cantillo, Jeff Cook, and Jeffrey Kalman. They kept sending money after the show and off the air. That's how much they liked it. And it helped

pay for a lot of this shit. It paid for that ashtray and this coffee mug. I want to thank you guys very, very much. Did I forget anything? God, I hate being polite. Nobody wants to fucking hear this. 888-599- Nick is the phone number. Finally, shout-outs to the people.

We have over 400 subscriptions before I even went on the air today. And, you know, you can join the Fredo package for $7, the Sonny for $15, and the Michael Corleone package for $30. And you get a shout-out if you join the Michael tier. So I want to thank these people. They went big with the $30 package. Doc Grime, Louis Giorgetta, Rob Nugent, Sean O'Toole, Sean Post, David Cabal, Kevin B. O'Neill, Brian Sterry, David Villalta, Jacob Perez, Tom Larry Tankerman, Kenny Cummings, Thomas Martin, Brendan Reese, Joseph Rodriguez, Richie Calacao, Mark Pinizza, Grant Riley, Michael Corbin, E.J. Nacy, Tom Bush jose blasek william wilkin kaufman jamie

wingfield scott goss ron castellanos mark rolf chris hawkins kevin mccardle again these are all 30 donations david rodenborn matt mersing carl just plain carl and ron ebbel thank you for uh signing up they went with the michael corleone package where you get all kinds of stuff. Yes. So Nick tip.com is up, right? Beautiful. This is me right after I got fired from a serious radio.

We'll do it live. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I can go. I'll write it and we'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I'll write it and we'll do it live. Fucking thing sucks. And then I got into it with my agent. Get this through your head, you.

Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. I'll tell you, it got ugly for a while there. But here we are. And, wow, the calls are building up already i wanted to get into the serious firing because people still ask me about that online and um i wanted to get into obviously it's been interesting couple weeks for me a couple months i should say you all heard about the getting sucker punched by a girl in birkenstocks at a comedy club after the show well i was in midstream conversation with her old man.

And I think I was set up, honestly. But, yeah. Well, there you go. She got me. That almost looks fake, doesn't it? It almost looks fake. Apparently, she was wearing a P. Diddy ring or something and she caught me flush.

That thing was closing up within seconds. I'll get to that in a few minutes. It still fucking hurts. I still have headaches. And you people are asking me, was she, yeah, she was arrested, but they took her to a psychiatric hospital because that's what left-wing fucking loons, they get a break no matter what. Now, if I did that back to her, like a lot of people's suggestion online, which thank God I'm 56 and I know better, but I would have been in jail for three weeks by now.

She's out drinking soy milk and buying shitty sandals. I'm telling you, it's the climate of the country. Anyways, let's go to PJ on line one. PJ, what's going on? PJ, line one. What's happening? Hey, what's going on, brother? First of all, it is a goddamn travesty what Sirius did to you, man.

Well, you know, I'm not going to shit on Sirius. I was angry and disappointed, yes. Fair enough. But I don't want to burn bridges because I still get royalties from them, and they play my stuff, and I need the cash, let's be honest. Oh, oh. But, you know. I did not know that.

Sorry. No, I know. You're good people. But look. Yeah, I was just telling you guys. It came down to politics. You know I can hear you guys right in there. It came down to politics.

Look, I'm going to explain it right now what happened. My contract was going to be up in like three weeks, two or three weeks. I tweeted something that wasn't that controversial. They say they fired me because of the – ostensibly I was fired because of the tweet. But I don't think it was that offensive because Twitter didn't even reprimand me. So, but either way, it was my politics, I think. They just, they were probably not going to renew the show anyways, and they used that as an excuse to tweet. But either way, it's because I lean right in my politics.

That's my opinion on it. What's that? I'm amazed you're on there as long as you were. I mean, your show was like insane compared to anything I've heard on TV, radio, anything. Well, I guess, but it's satellite fucking radio. It's satellite radio. And it was popular.

The show was popular. And I know that wasn't a problem because there's five shows that were on Faction Talk. I had leapfrogged two of them, and I had only been there four months. And that was told to me by management. So the show was popular. Somebody summed it up perfectly. One of my fans on Facebook, he did an imitation of the meeting, and he pretended it was a serious management meeting.

And he said, is the show good? Yes. Do the people like it? Absolutely. Does it align with my politics and my friend's politics? No. Okay, it's got to go.

Which I thought was pretty accurate. But hey, you're the first caller, PJ, so we appreciate you chiming in. It's a real privilege. But I wanted to get to, speaking of politics, is over the past two weeks I've been hearing more and more talk about this Civil War II. And people are taking it more seriously. But I want to hear your thoughts on it because I'm not sure who the fuck to fight. It's very easy.

You fuck anybody wearing a ski mask and is holding a Molotov cocktail and doesn't have the balls to show their face. But I was talking about Civil War a year ago, because that's the climate. The left has lost their fucking minds, and when Trump got elected, they went even crazier. So, look, I've been victim of it.

I get popped in the face. It's getting physical. So guns and knives can't be far behind. So, you know. Yeah, I tried doing that. I wound up beating the shit out of Elmo in Times Square. A lot of people have. Thanks for the call, PJ.

I appreciate it. You broke our cherry. Congratulations on your new show. I appreciate it. Thanks, buddy. 888-599-NICK is the phone number. And, yeah, I mean, come on. It's getting really ugly out there.

But, again, as far as the firing, it's serious. I think a lot of people, Joe Rogan texted me, like, the next day and said it was a blessing in disguise, dude. And he says, look, you're not meant to work for anybody. Any comedian worth their weight in salt shouldn't have a boss, which is kind of true. But I look at it as the radio show is one year of advertising for this. So that's how I'm looking at it. But, yeah, here's what happened because people are still asking me I

I came off stage I went in the green room at levity live it's in the palisades mall and and it was like a sunday night father's day night and uh I come out the green room and they're filing people out to the door to the left of the stage which is I think is unusual so I impromptu started shaking hands and taking pictures and I don't always do that for reasons like this. So I shake a few hands. This guy approaches me and says, can I get a picture with you? He stands to my right. And I'm shaking hands with him.

He goes, yeah, I love this show. But my daughter wanted to punch you in the face. He didn't even get the word face out. And I get cracked as I'm looking at him from my left. I didn't even know uh she was standing there and uh I was like getting a little bit of shock when you get hit like that but I was still my instincts were to look right at him seconds after she hit me I looked at him I go do you just fucking set me up do which I really believe is the case I think he used his daughter, weaponized his daughter. Anyways, but I went on a few radio shows and talked about that,

and people kept, they had a tendency to, you know, they were equivocating. They kept saying, well, you know, this happens on both sides. And I said to that, that's bullshit. Show me one example. It might have happened, and I haven't read about it, but show me an example where a straight white male came out of a comedy club audience and sucker punched a black comic a female comic a gay comic a muslim comic i don't think it's happened so um this is where we are and and and no i'm not going to hit her back that would be true gender equality which is what they claim

they fucking want if we had that i could have popped her in the face and people would have said she had it coming but that's not how the world works today so rogan texts me he goes he goes dude i don't know how i don't know how you held your temper i would have leg whipped her which made me laugh for five minutes i'm picturing rogan he's got like a 12 degree black belt and everything kicking this girl in the leg but um you can't do that and if i did that i'd be in jail and then i didn't hear from the assistant district attorney for like i don't know 12 days and i finally got on the phone with her and guess what folks they're just going to try to blow this off i'm not a litigious guy like i said the only thing i hate more than lawyers are you know hardcore feminists.

So, but I'm going to try to make an example of her. I'm not going to take this fucking lying down. But now I can't find an injury attorney. You know, if there's not, if you're not comatose or have a broken neck, they want nothing to do with it. It really is an ugly fucking world. It really is. Let's go to Mark, our buddy in San Diego. Mark on line two.

Mark, what's going on? Nick, I'll tell you what. I'm looking at you on the Nick Dipp video feed. You're looking sharp. Thanks for dressing up unlike most of these slobs in their podcast rolling out in their pajamas and stuff. I'll tell you what, man. Boy, you should have right crossed her dad because man that girl i'd love to see what team she plays for because she's

got a she's packing a punch bro but nick yeah well look and you know it's funny mark and i know this was going to happen i i said this uh minutes after that i go you know what's going to happen this is going to be on social media, and people are going to turn it. You get beat up by a girl? Sure enough, the fucking morons out there. And I'm like, I said, no, it's not like she outpointed me in a 10-round match. You know? I mean, a five-year-old girl will give you a black eye if she has a free shot at your eye.

No, but her pops deserve the dry golds just for raising a beast like that. Well, you know, she does have problems, and I'm not making excuses for her, but, you know, he, in my opinion, he was definitely complicit. It went down like clockwork. Soon as

he said she wants to punch you in the face, I get punched in the face. I know I'm a paranoid guinea and uh but uh i look right at him like i said i was seeing stars and i said did you fucking set me up and uh and then i told the staff to call the cops so i i hate lawyers and all that shit but you gotta somebody's gonna you're gonna do something we're not gonna i'm not gonna live in a world where i can't hit back and I can't take it to the courts. Then what?

Right, Mark, in San Diego? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I feel you, Nick, but I'm not scared of the Cubs, so I would have gone about it a different way. But, hey, Nick, let me ask you this. Wait a minute. Are you Latino? We've been over this.

Yeah, I'm the beater with the big wiener dog you know i didn't hear that let's not turn this into a dick joke hey nick yeah two years out in a state that you know is locked up for the thick angled dog face they're already out here looking for the uninformed voters do you think the middle of the country is going to get the same treatment and is it a threat to trump in 2020 what do you mean get the same treatment by who no out here they're already getting all in the hood in the body oh they're trying to sign people up to vote register to vote of course because it's going to be so important it's like that kelfer is locked up for the think angle dog face is this going to spread and is it a threat to trump in 2020 is my question i don't think the thick ankle dog face uh for people who aren't familiar with the show that

would be hillary i don't think uh she has the stamina i mean she almost she almost died last year right but the temperature got above 80 she you know she had a shit stain in her pantsuit Stamina. I mean, she almost died last year, right? The temperature got above 80. She had a shit stain in her pantsuit getting on the plane. I don't think she's healthy enough to run again. And I don't think the Democrat Party, it's already moved too far left. They don't want her. The millennials don't like her.

The millennial girls hate her because they're like, that's not a feminist. She fucking blew Bill Clinton, and he carried her the rest of the way. So I don't think she will be the nominee. But, you know, they're going so far left, yeah, and they're trying to sign everybody up, and they're getting away with it. So, I mean, to answer your question, yeah, I'm sure they'll try that, but I don't think it's going to fly in Ohio and Wisconsin. I could be wrong. I don't know.

Hey, Mark, good hearing from you, buddy. Appreciate the support. All right, Nick, you, Mark, good hearing from you, buddy. Appreciate the support. All right, Nick. You're looking sharp on the video feed, baby. Thanks, man. We'll talk to you. Yeah. I don't know. Bill and Hillary were on a plane today. They're flying commercial.

So apparently, they've lost their juice. They were like on a Delta flight. And the thick-ankled dog face and the molester right next to her. And guess what? I didn't see any right-wingers getting in their face and fucking threatening them. And doing all the shit that's been done to Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Getting screamed out of a restaurant.

And, you know, I guess Steve Bannon was in a bookstore this weekend in D.C. Some lady called him a piece of garbage or whatever. And women can do that because, you know, it's not going to get physical. And if it does, the guy's going to jail. And then you had that woman approach Pruitt with her baby. They always have the baby, you know, in the hand and approach Pruitt at a restaurant. And apparently that one worked because he resigned a few days later. So, I mean, if this is what it comes to, it's what it comes to.

And yes, you have a right to protest and shit, but you don't show up at people's homes and scare the shit out of the families. You know, I mean, it's fucking, as soon as the right starts doing that shit, and I'm sure there's been a little bit of it, but then the gloves will be off. But we tend to be more decent old, crusty white people. Not young people full of piss and vinegar. 888-599-NICK

is the phone number. Let's go to Mark on line 3. Mark from Bridgewater. Mark, what's happening? Mark, you there? Nick, can you hear me i hear you clear bro i'm here man can you hear me yeah all right uh first of all great to have you back thank you missed you um i'm the guy i called you when you were on another you know let's just say platform yeah um And I work for a company in South Boston that makes detection technology. Oh, yes.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Our firefighters, our emergency responders. Right. And are you familiar with Occupy Wall Street? Yes. I stepped in some human feces when I was going to the bank down there. Yeah.

Well, that's what they go in. Yeah. It looks like San Francisco. My colleagues are at a – well, that's pretty much it. But one of my colleagues is at a conference in New York City this week for the Department of Homeland Security, and a tweet came out from Occupy Wall Street that said, and I quote, Did you know that my company – i won't say the name uh works

with at dhs i'm quoting to hyper militar militarize the police across the usa and kidnap children via ice.gov so apparently my company which is trying to protect people from WMDs and fentanyl, is kidnapping people. What the fuck? Now, where was that? Is this how far the left is? What's that? Where was that publicized? That was what?

You read that online somewhere? That was a tweet from Occupy Wall Street. They were tweeting out, say, hey, go buy these companies because they're trying to militarize. And look, we're just trying to protect. You're the enemy. Yeah, you're the first response. We're the enemy. Anything that's law and order, anything that made this country work in the first place, they're against.

Yeah, abolish fucking ICE. Keep running on that platform. I mean, Trump must have a hard on him. I know. I will say this. for him. I mean, Trump must have a hard on him. I know. I will say this. I will say this. A friend of mine who will go unnamed

quoted to them, fuck you, I hope you die of a fentanyl overdose that comes across the border from Mexico. Well, that's a little rough. I don't like that type of language. My goodness. Well, you know, not me, not me. I'm kidding. I'm fucking kidding, Mark.

Hey, Nick, great to have you back on board. I'm kidding. I'm fucking kidding, Mark. Hey. I liked your friend. Great to have you back on board. I hope you keep. By the way, I signed up. I'm a Michael. You're a good thing. Okay. That's a great thing.

I'm a Michael. That means you're going to get a shout out. You're going to get a hat or a shirt for free and 20% off merchandise, I do believe. Well, I tell you what. I'm going to go so I can smoke a cigarette before my wife gets home. So I'll hang up and listen to the rest of the show online. Thanks. Good hearing from you, brother. All right.

Bye-bye. He's got to hide from his wife when he smokes a goddamn cigarette. I smoke. By the way, I'm up to about a pack a day. After I left Sirius and family issues and shit i started smoking i was always a casual maybe one or two at the most when i had a few drinks of me i just kicked it up to an actual like a pack a day i gotta be honest with you i'm fucking loving it people are i tell people that they go what are you doing at this stage your life you're 56

and i said well why would you start smoking in your 20s and teens when you're going to have ass cancer in your 30s and 40s? I figure I'll be diagnosed with cancer about 20 years from now, and then who gives a fuck then? I'm timing it perfectly. If I'm 78 in a diaper, doctor, because you know what? You get cancer? Thank Christ.

I'm still doing P90. This is when I knew I was a full-time smoker. I was doing yoga with a cigarette in my mouth I burnt the rug. I was doing like downward facing dog. It was like six burn holes in her. It's a true story If you believe that eight eight eight five nine nine six four two five is the phone number but Yeah, so I you know I've been reading about you know like the things that are happening to these people that work for Trump when they go out in public and shit.

And then I tasted some of it myself. So it's very, very real to me. I just wish I was in my 20s and 30s. I think I might join a militia. How's that for a career move? Let's go to John in Buffalo. Johnny boy. What's going on, John?

How you doing, Nick? It's good to have you back. Good to be back, John. Loved your show before. Now what do you get, about six inches of snow this morning up there? It's 80 degrees. Come on. 80 degrees.

Holy shit. Yeah, it's been a really hot couple of weeks. All right, enough of the chit-chat. Why are you calling, John? I'm hoping you're going to get Joe List on eventually because I love that guy. I saw a couple of his videos after you had him on your old show. Oh, Joe will definitely be here. He's really good.

Yeah, he'll be. Well, I learned everything he fucking knows from me, so how can he be good? That's a joke. Of course he'll be here because he's been to the house. Hey, if it asks you a question, you want me to answer it to you. What are you, hang gliding right now? What the fuck? No, no, my phone went a little goofy.

Hey, the other thing is I hope you brought your clips with you. I want to hear Hyman Ross tell them they can eat the cake. Small a piece. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. That one? Yeah. Small a piece.

Small a piece. Hey, John, you have the energy of a cancer patient. You all right? No, this phone's screwed up. I'll talk to you soon. All right. Thanks, John. Take it easy. Ah, he used to call the radio show all the time. You might

want to check on him. He's got a, uh, I'm not going to check. I'm hoping he's gone. He's gone. There's nothing we can do about it. He's gone. What do you mean? He's gone. He really brought the he called all the time on the serious show. So, what the hell else? The big story, I guess,

Trump already has made his decision about the Supreme Court justice. He just hasn't told anybody. He's holding it till 9 o'clock tonight, treating it like the bachelor. Who do you guys, who do you think? I kind of want the broad. She's kind of cute.

I don't go by left-right. I go by cute-ugly. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, she looks like a cadaver in a gown. Excuse me. And she's got to go. I think his Amy Barrett would balance that ugliness off, and so do my yore. It looks like a tackle for the Eagles. But I think that Hardeman guy has the edge because he works with Trump's sister

on some lower circuit court in Philadelphia. So I would think Trump, you know how he is with family and loyalty, I would think he would have the inside track. But they keep bringing up Roe versus Wade.ade don't worry you're gonna kill all the babies you want relax will you i've been hearing that since high school and by the way i'm not a i'm not a pro-life guy so this few people think i'm a real right winger uh i think i'd be a hypocrite if i was uh pro-life because when i was young and messing around a lot i was glad there were planned parenthoods i gotta be honest with. That's a horrible thing to say, but I'm just saying, you know,

55 million babies since Roe versus Wade. You're not supposed to use it as a, you know, it's like using it instead of a rubber. But I don't care either way. But they're all supposedly real conservative. And you got that guy Kavanaugh who's got the most experience. And Mitch McConnell doesn't want him to be the pick because it would take forever to go over all the cases, all the precedents,

because the guy made a thousand rulings and stuff. So Mitch would take too long, and we go we go with the rod and so but my money's on hardeman and the other guy ketheridge i guess uh hit it off real well with trump so all you gotta do right is go and go mr trump i love your hair that fucking tie is tremendous i think you're the greatest thing that ever walked the earth and he's gonna he's gonna give you the job You gotta play up to him. I like him as a president. But yeah, he's got a shitty personality, but uh So do I? Yes, I see that guys. It's not my first day. Don't radio. I can see that the lines are full I'm gonna fucking talk and then I'll go to the phones. Okay

Did my wife tell you say? Excuse me, we've already fl flinging feces at each other. It's only the first day. I don't know who built this mouse, but I want to cave their head in. It doesn't. There's no. I love there's no. Anyways, let's go to Dale in New Jersey.

Dale looks familiar from the series show. Dale, what's going on? Nick, welcome back. They replaced you with some comedy gold over there at Sears, let me tell you. Who replaced me? Some guy with an accent who has some bipolar actress on all the time. I don't know. Oh, that was Craig Ferguson, I think.

Yeah, it's Ferguson and another guy who seems to be into MMA. But, yeah, it was good. Now, Ferguson's gone, and that guy's in your time slot. It was great. Good money well spent on Sirius. Yeah. Well, hey, I said to look. Hold on.

Hold on. I just want to comment. The guy that helped me get the job over there, he worked for Comedy Central. I've known him for a long time. And I said to him, hey, it's your fucking loss. And you know what he said? Yeah, I know you're right. So they've been graceful.

The guys I know, there's a few guys I like, they didn't make the final call. But either way, it was because of my politics, and that's wrong, goddammit. Go ahead, Dale. But anyway, how about this? You got Trump. You think they officially left, lost their minds.

I mean, Trump's in Korea. I think there's literally people who wanted to commit suicide and um so they double down on this immigration which is like everything else happens with trump when you think oh they have something you really notice that whole border thing it's kind of dying down not really a big deal as it was two weeks ago now they only have left is attack the republicans when you see them in public it's like they've literally lost their fucking minds. Well, you made a great point because a couple weeks ago, the last few weeks,

was all that separating children from their families. That's what Trump is for. That was going crazy for, what, two, three weeks we kept seeing. And by the way, separating parents, kids from their parents, if you don't want to separate, break up families, don't put your kids on the top of a fucking train in Nicaragua and say, see you in America in a couple months. I mean, that's where it starts. But you know what? You make a great point, Dale, because that went on for months on the news.

And then it died down. And Trump gained 10 points among Hispanics after all that shit they threw at him and all that footage on the mainstream media of kids crying and that fake cover of Time magazine, Trump towering over that little girl. I got to hand it to the left. They make me belly laugh. But Trump's numbers went up 10 points with Hispanics after all that. So what else are they going to throw at him? Nah, they're fucked. He's doing everything.

I wanted him as a president and more, and thank God that we got you because Kumi was alone out there for a couple of months. Anthony can handle himself. Believe me, he's a one-man wrecking crew. And go ahead. And just a real quick thing. The last time you were on the Kumia show, the funniest thing I ever heard on TV

is when they talk at Starbucks and the quote of, tell Melanie to go fuck herself. I could replay that 10 times in a row. Oh, Melanie was the, yeah, she's the one that wrote the whole, we have to be diverse. And it was a little cute.

What was the cute rhyme she had? Do you remember? She had a rhyme in there. No, no, no. It was something about being color brave. And you're like, I'll give you a fucking color brave. Genius. Yeah.

Instead of being color blind, be color brave. And I said, hey, Melanie, go fuck yourself. Which I know isn't the most intelligent response. But that's what that type of horseshit deserves. It's tugging on the heartstrings. And by the way, Starbucks closed, what, 150 stores since that? I'm telling you, they're confused. Hey, Dale, good to hear from you, buddy.

You too, brother. Welcome back. Thank you, man. Appreciate it. Don't be colorblind. Be colorbrave, she said from an all-white neighborhood, probably in the suburbs of San Francisco. I didn't mention our two tech guys.

I mentioned Jay, who set all this up. And I think actually him and my wife played around. He was here so much. But we got Ryan and we have Jason. Two guys right out of Central Casting. If you want tech guys, you add the weights up together, they're about 212. Together. 106 grams apiece.

After lunch. After lunch. That's right, Jake. Right before it's about a buck and a quarter apiece. They are. That's what I said before they got here. Anyways, Jason shows up for us. We found him on some porn chat room.

He's trying to pick up a Filipino girl tied to a radiator. He is a Filipino girl. So he shows up. Jason shows up. And we're showing him the works and stuff. And he was here 10 minutes early, like a smart white kid would be.

And he's here about an hour. So I say to him, I go, don't you have somebody, a friend your age, that knows all this shit too? And he goes, yeah, actually I do. He picks up his phone, calls his buddy. His buddy Ryan shows up an hour later, who, again, they were roommates in college and shit,

so they have a chemistry. Look at them. I mean, they're threatening. They provide security here at the house too. But they show up. Of course they take this shit to, like, a duck to water because they've been playing with this stuff since they were six. And we were getting nervous, I'll be honest with you.

We were getting nervous, and they just flew in like nerd angels. They had a mouse in one hand, a MacBook Pro in the other, and they just landed here and uh it's it's that that was like a home run that day and uh yes uh jay yeah something she's showing off the uh jay's looking good looking young man here jay's looking jesus let me tell you how creepy that was first of all You're in a glass booth with them And you look like Sandusky Okay

You're trapped with two teenage boys You missed a big one though What? The glue in this operation Who? The Energizer bunny you call your wife Yes Absolutely

But she doesn't want to be part of the show She's right back there waving at you Right What's she doing on her knees anyways what what kind of by the way patreon is working now let's give them a thumbs up they're they're only where i get paid so um that air conditioner i don't know if it's on or i had two cups of coffee can you tell before i came on the air and uh the phones are fucking lit up this is like being serious i gotta put these on i'm like mike francesa yeah a dog uh the uh or the uh the no no i know the uh yankees

i'm telling you let's go to uh let's go to ballss in Elwood City. That sounds fake. Hey, Balls. Balls. Hey, Nick. How you doing, buddy? What up, brother man? Hey, Nick.

Oh, not much, Mick. First off, I want to say congratulations on your new show. I've always been a fan of your work, man. I think you're a funny motherfucker. I've always loved you. You know, coming from a guy named Balls, I'll tell you, I'll take that one. I just wanted to ask you real quick. Have you ever suffered any sort of sexual injuries?

What do you mean, recently? I mean, ever. I mean, ever. I mean, I ripped my pee hole once. I jerked off so much. But I wondered if you had any similar stories. I'm glad we're staying with the topics. That's good. We go from abolishing ice to abolishing the head of my cock.

No, I can't. Well, once I was riding a bike with no seat on it, and I just had a swimsuit on, and I hit a pothole, but that's it. That's all I can remember, Balls. What happened? Seriously? Oh, you mean, no. When I was younger, I masturbated frequently,

and it was one of those things where it got dry, and then it got to the end, but I was almost done. So I tried to finish, and then when I finished, I ended up ripping my peel. It was like when you put a hot dog in the microwave too long and it just kind of split right down the top, you know what I mean? Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert.

Thank you for the call, Balls. I appreciate that. Always use lube or olive oil. I like corn oil, actually. But take care of yourselves, all right? You scare me. What the fuck? Was he even listening to the show?

Talking about the next Supreme Court justice. You know, I ripped my pee hole open. He calls himself balls and then he talks about his pee hole. It's confusing. He's got hands of stone. Manos de Piedra whatever whatever the

term is should get mark in san diego 888-599-6425 is the uh phone number this is a call-driven show folks if you're not familiar with it we'll have guests from time to time but this is a place for guys like us who uh you know are not welcome at comedy clubs anymore no not uh you know mainstream show business shuns us or whatever but uh this is a call-a-driven show giving voices to uh the people who don't get spoken for in the mainstream media that often and uh that's why it's like uh i always describe the show like this it's like you're at a bar with your friends talking politics and there's one guy that reads a few more papers than the others that would be me I'm not gonna tell you which papers let's go to our buddy bill in North Carolina Billy boy what's going on

how you doing bill bring that energy yes energy. Can you hear me? Yes, I can. Yeah, I'm doing okay. All right. So the YouTube streams, are they going to only be on Mondays? The free shows are on Mondays and Wednesdays. Yeah. And they'll be on YouTube. They'll be on YouTube. How do you think YouTube's going to feel about this?

I don't give a fuck. No, I don't know. I mean, they're very left-wing. Yeah, well, who isn't? You No, I don't know. Yeah, well, who isn't? I'll have to get my own server. I'm building my own server in the garage. I'll go to Anthony Comey and... No, it's a good question. I've toned things down.

I haven't been on the air for an hour yet. Don't worry. I'm just getting warmed up Yeah I want to see you angry I want to see you get mad There's going to be so much time for that Bill I'll tell you I'll be losing my stack

But like you just said It's good to see you back You want me to pull one of these? We'll do it live We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live!

I'll write it and we'll do it live! That'll be me, I'd say, by Thursday. Fucking thing sucks! That's me yelling at my computer. I love you, man. I've been watching you since your first Redskins podcast over on Ridecast. Redskins podcast? What are you talking about?

Redskins podcast? Yeah, no, that's what you named it, the Redskins. It was like your first episode. Oh, the first episode. Wow. That's a long time ago. Yeah. Yes.

Holy moly. I mean, that was like in 2000. Well, you know what? Yeah, I got to listen to you every day, man. I appreciate it, Billy, so keep calling. And you got my support. Take care. Take care, Bill.

Love North Carolina. Love it. So, I don't know. Do I even bother with the stories? Kellyanne Conway getting yelled at. Everybody that works for Trump takes a beating when they leave the house. It's unbelievable. I should have brought this up when Mark from San Diego called.

This was on the morning of July 6th, the U.S. Department of Labor's Bureau of Labor Statistics announced that Hispanic unemployment in the U.S. had reached its lowest level, 4.6%, in the 45 years since the agency kept records. Also, black unemployment at record lows. Women unemployment at, like, 60-year low and stuff. But the Hispanic thing is important because Telemundo and Univision, they didn't bring it up.

They didn't bring it up at all on their newscast. Guess who? They're sister stations with NBC, so that shouldn't fucking surprise you. Also, along with their lesser-known rivals, Azteca America and Estrella TV, they all kept silent about the record low and its significance for the country's Latino population. and its significance for the country's Latino population. And specifically during the milestone month of June 2018, a net 164,000 Hispanics entered the U.S. workforce.

Showed up in four cars. Hello, folks. I can hear the liberal jerk-offs going, that's such a, that's racist, that's been done before. I know and I'm going to do it again as long as it bothers you. When it stops bothering you, I'll stop saying shit like that. But the point is,

Univision and Telemundo didn't mention it in their broadcast. Why? Because they don't want Hispanics voting for Trump in 2020. And, like Colin Quincy,

Trump could have played it better with the Hispanics because they are. I love the Latinos because they are like the Italians at the turn of the century. They're hardworking, religious people. And you've got to get them on. You said they're family oriented. And every time you see a list of people dying, in afghanistan and iraq there's a ton of hispanic names in there so um you gotta lock them up they're good hard-working people okay not all of them some of them are rapists but there's rapists in every race that's trump said that while he was running and still, still won. What does that tell you, Hillary, you thick-ankled dog face? He's still won talking that type of stuff.

Motherless fucks. I hate these glasses. I'd rather cancer than fucking my eyes go in bed. This is, I'm sure that's coming. I am jonesing for a cigarette right now like you wouldn't believe. Eventually, I can smoke in here because this is my studio. I'll trash it. Let's go to the phones again.

I mean, you know. And this mouse, whoever designed this, they'll be decapitated after this. Ben in England. Ben in England. It doesn't say New England. It says England. Ben, how are you? Hi. Oh! My favorite part of the show.

How the fuck you doing? I guess you're from what, Abruzzi in the UK? What's up, Ben? Hey, look, it's a fucking good day. You see, we're on a fucking television screen. It goes for a celebration. You sound like Tony Soprano on speed.

All right. Yeah, I guess I'm talking. How you doing, Nick? Greetings from Great Britain. I just wanted to say congratulations on your new show. Yeah, your president there, the big man himself, is coming over our shores.

You might like to look this one up. The lefties over here have decided to get their own back in protesting. They've crowdfunded about $25,000 to create this big inflatable orange Donald Trump in a baby's diaper and shit. That's a big gesture.

$25,000 is spunked on this fucking floor. Ben, is that the blimp that your mayor said is okay to fly while he's there? Is that what you're talking about? Yes. Yeah. Yes, that's what we're talking about. I mean, that i'm trying to stick the finger up at trump do you really think donald trump is gonna go oh my god i can't believe these

guys have made a big inflatable balloon that's gonna stop me from fucking my super model wife when i go back to my house that's made of solid gold does he really give a shit really ben you got some good range. You went from Tony Soprano to Donald Trump. Yeah, your mayor, what's his name, Khan? Yeah, Sadiq Khan, which is actually Muslim for sad cunt. I love it. This is our first call from overseas, and it might be my favorite call of the day. Yeah, so they're going to fly this blimp.

And, you know, that's not going to bother Trump. First of all, he's going to love it. The fact that there's a blimp shaped like him and it looks like him. Is that it? We're looking at it right now on screen. Yeah. Oh, my. Yeah, that's it.

It looks like Kirsten Gillibrand, the broad running for senator in New York. That looks like an angry lesbian is what that looks like. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Yeah. It looks like something a homosexual might place inside of his anus. Oh, for the love of Pete, Ben, you were doing so well. It sounds like a good plug, don't you think? So a lot of goings on in your country.

I guess Boris Johnson just quit right after David Davis, the secretary of Brexit. So Miss May is in trouble over there. Isn't she that fucking idiot? Yeah. Well, the thing is, though, Nicky, what you've got to realize is, like, Theresa May never wanted Brexit. She went in after David Cameron stood down. And this is a— she's not a conservative. This is a feminist who went to school with Angela Merkel, who wears Frida Kahlo bracelets and those shirts.

This is what a feminist looks like. She's been dragging her fucking knees over Brexit for ages. And hopefully now that some of the cabinet beneath her are standing out, we'll get someone else in who can actually push it through and make good of this fucking situation. I'm laughing. We've got a British accent.

We've got a Tony Soprano. He's doing a Trump. You're all world, man. We're going to have to make you a regular part of the show, Ben. Yeah, so I like that Boris Johnson. He looks like the Italian version of Trump. I mean, the English version. Yeah, he's kind of like that and he's I mean he's not

as um Trump has that sort of working class grit in him even though he was raised obviously pretty rich but uh Boris Johnson he's kind of bumbling and he he does speak a bit off the cuff the guy I really like though is this guy called Jacob Lees-Mogg who looks he looks like he's from the Tinker Soldier Spy or something but uh the guy speaks a lot of sense and he's one of the only small government free marketeers in fucking british politics so if i'm gonna bet a him a bit of nigel farage then fucking two thumbs up from me i love farage he looks like a puppet one of them but uh he's i love what he has to say all the time and um yeah good luck with that i hope i hope you make a clean break from the EU because I know that was the issue,

but I don't want to get into the weeds here on the first show. But call back, Ben. That was terrific. Well, God bless you, Nicky. I love you. Same here, brother. Thanks. How about it?

Ben. Ben from England. I thought it was Joe Matariz. I got to be honest. Joe Matariz does the killer Tony Soprano, and he can do Trump. And we'll have Joey. He lives up in the area somewhere, so we'll have him on from time to time, I'm sure. He's doing something with Dr. Keith Abloh, by the way, a psychologist who I see on national TV all the time.

So good luck, Joey. 888-599-nick is the uh is the phone number so yeah i was talking about the uh the record low hispanic unemployment and then uh tell them when they're in the bag too is there anybody in the media that's not in the fucking bag anybody other than the obvious what do you mean by that by the way uh i like to watch now i watched that one america news have you have you seen the uh anchor women on there they make the girls on fox look like a leper colony of course i exaggerate but uh both channels it's like a beauty pageant it's it's crazy um but so you got fox knows uh one america knows news max that's about it as far as television goes and then the rest of it abc nbc cbs cnn msnbc new york times la times

fucking time magazine it's just all it's the same left-wing horse shit. And they're going to get their asses handed to them come the midterms, I think. Unless, you know, you're for abolishing law and order. Have you seen pictures from San Francisco lately? Hey, pull up that picture of the abolish ICE thing. I think we had a picture. I was expecting it to be aish Ice thing. I think we had a picture. I was expecting to be a nice organized thing. When you guys, anytime you're ready.

Alright, great. Let's go to Rob in Knoxville. Rob, what's happening? Hi, Rob. This is the tech support. Hey! I got my Hi, Rob. This is the tech support. What's that? I got my dick stuck in my laptop.

Is this the tech support phone number? Yeah. Okay. Rob, can you take yourself off speakerphone? I'm just kidding. Take yourself off speakerphone, will you? Oh, sorry. Jesus Christ.

Can you hear me better now? Oh, that's better. Now you just sound like you're under two feet of water. There you go. That's better. Oh, that's better. Now you just sound like you're under two feet of water. There you go. That's better. Yeah, by the way, you have the nicest cold screener in the world, Nick. Yes, we only hire the best here. He's a really nice guy.

Yeah, I noticed, man. I wanted to ask you about your appearance on this podcast. It was called The Hole. It was like a month ago. Do you remember? What was the name of the podcast? I think it was The Hole, right? H-O-L-E.

It was with, like, I think Dave Attell was on there and, like, a bunch of other people. Oh, yes, yes. That's Rob Sprantz's podcast. Yes. Right. Right, man. And obviously you're great on it, and I've been a fan for a long time. Yes. political, and, you know, Hollywood moves ever to the left, you know, and after the shoot that happened with you at Sirius,

like, you seem to still interact with a lot of comedians, and you look like you do well in terms of, like, you know, your friendship with them, but I noticed little, like, quips that they make at you, right? Like, I remember when you were on the whole podcast, which was

what I was referring to, you know, you were, you know, cracking remember when you were on the whole podcast, which was what I was referring to, you know, you were cracking some jokes about left-wingers and that some guy on there said, you know, you were saying that, you know, the problem is on the left right now. Can you name anything on the right? And I think some guy, you know, had a smart-ass remark saying like, oh, you know, the right is too busy getting nailed for sexual assault or something, right? Or, like, sexual harassment. Right. And it looked like a really easy comeback for you, because I know, obviously, you're aware of the litany of the allegations

against every left-wing feminist. Of course. Right? Right. So it's just, I remember you let it kind of pass by at the moment, and I actually commented on that podcast. I got a bunch of likes saying, you know, like, I love how the guy said, you know, the light is too busy, you know, getting, you know. So let me get this.

So the purpose of your call was to point out I missed a joke on a podcast that 10 people heard. What? On a podcast that 10 people heard? No, no, no. The purpose is sometimes you're very quick. You're very quick-witted, right? Well, yes, but... My question is, you have to curb your jokes sometimes in order to not find feathers of people that you know are good friends. No, no, no. You know what I mean? No, no, never.

Fucking never. No? No, no, never. Fucking never. No? No. If I miss one, like, if I, you know, if I miss one, it's not intentional. If I see an opening,

I'll drive a truck through it. That's what comics do. I mean, the very DNA of a comedian is to say something that... That's what you do. Well, that's what I do, yeah. I just, maybe I was asleep at the switch on that one.

Whatever, I wasn't paying attention. I could have been staring at Rob Sprance. He's a very handsome guy, you know. I wasn't paying attention. I could have been staring at Rob Sprantz. He's a very handsome guy. You know, I don't know. Yeah, man. All right. Is there any appearances you might make on Sirius, by the way, in the future on Jim and Sam? Or is it like an Anthony Cumia deal where you can't go back?

Right now, there's probably a probationary period. But I'm still on good terms over there. I called into Bennington a few weeks ago. I did that. I didn't ask anybody. Right, I heard that, man. That was awesome. Yeah, so I called in, and I asked Jimmy Norton last night if I could call in,

and they had to check it with some of the higher-ups, I guess. But I had already called into Bennington. But eventually, like I said, I'm not on hateful terms. I'm pissed at what they did, but I'm not going to badmouth them. Hey, thanks for the call. I appreciate it, Rob. Good hearing from you, buddy. Yeah, buddy.

Thank you. Take it easy. Alrighty then. More coffee, please. Jason? Let me ask you a question in the booth. Is everything streaming to where it's supposed to stream to jay um i believe so is it really i believe so how far into the show you might not know this did it before we kicked into patreon it might have been

like five minutes that's it so for the first show pretty good not bad not bad at all we're gonna treat patreon good because they're they're they're a place where artists go to make money god forbid here in the people's republic of america and uh yeah we had over let me get this folks we had over 400 subscriptions before i came on the air for this first show and it's got nothing to do with me you know that tells you we people need a place to to go and talk like this and be you know not everybody obviously but um that was very encouraging i gotta be honest with you because when we first started june 28th i think i opened a patreon account and i remember saying to my wife do you think i'll get like 100 subs before the first show and we had no idea so um it's it's a good

thing and go to nickdip.com by the way that's where the landing place of the show is and you can you can listen to the audio we're streaming the audio live on Mixler you'll see a player for that and then there's a YouTube player if you want to watch like you are now so it's uh it's pretty cool stuff I'll tell you and thank God. Jay, how do you say his last name? I've been in your house for a month. It's Romanello. Romanello. I always want to say Morinello.

But Jay, Romanello. Let's go to Peter in Austin, Texas. Pete, how are you? Hey, Nick, what's you? Hey, Nick. What's going on? Not much. What's going on with you, Pete, in the great state of Texas, which I love? It's almost like it's America still in Texas.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no doubt. That's kind of the reason why I moved from uh from old math about five years ago best decision of my life uh but anyway yeah you know i'm i'm such a huge fan i'm glad to see you're you're still alive and kicking on this new format and uh you know i was i was fucking pissed as hell when i heard about that feminist cunt or whoever she was uh knocked you right in the face and uh so i wanted to say you know you need you know, you need to do some, you need to bring your tour down here to the great state of Texas, you know.

Fat chance of that happening. No, no, no, no. Absolutely. Look, I used to play Addison, Texas, right outside of Dallas, the Improv, a couple times a year, and it would be packed out. So you're absolutely right. But I don't want to go down there until, you know, until I times a year, and it would be packed out. So you're absolutely right, but I don't want to go down there until, you know, until I know the venue is going to be fairly full. So that's what this is going to do, hopefully. But Texas, you know, I played Houston

for years, and like I said, Addison, Texas, and San Antonio. I used to play this place in the mall in San Antonio, right on the Riverwalk. It would be 103 degrees like on a Tuesday. I almost thought I was going to quit comedy then, and that was 15 years ago. It was just so lonely. I'm sitting in a place called Dick's being yelled at by a waiter at 2 in the afternoon. Then I used to watch kids shoplift at that mall in San Antonio. Every time I went there, there'd be kids running away with something. One of my favorite gigs. How long ago was that oh christ the early 1700s

but it was after it was after chlamydia i mean now you know i remember getting chlamydia all right from a girl that worked at the footlocker well now especially because like i'm not the only mass trans transplant down here yeah especially in austin there's tons of people down here we have a patri mass transplant down here. Yeah. Especially in Austin. There's tons of people down here. We have a Patriots bar down here where it's basically you go in there and you feel like you're in fucking Southie again, basically. And so I think you'd have a pretty good audience here, too. Just whenever I go look at your tour, I'm always pissed because, like, I only see dates for, like, New York and Mass. No, I know, Pete. Damn.

No, Pete, you make a legitimate point, man. For the last few years, I haven't done... Look, I've been doing this 30 fucking years, okay? And I'm tired of airports. I'm tired of fucking hotels. I'm tired of, you know... It's just fucking... Patrice O'Neill, the late, great Patrice,

he... I remember I go, Patrice, I said to Patrice, you never do the road. And he goes, he looks at me with those big eyes. He goes, I'm lonely, Nick. I'm fucking lonely at home.

I ain't going to go on a motherfucking road. And you know what? I felt the same way. It was fun when you're single and chasing diseased waitresses and shit. And you find a co-check girl with a limp and a fucking slight hair lip that nobody you know but uh those days are over so but i look but but if this show does what i think it's gonna do i i'll be i'll be to texas with bells on man so so i i hope to see you oh yeah and and tell tell tell anthony to get his ass down here too there's tons of plenty of guns for him to have a good time with as well.

Well, what's he going to do, go to Texas to shoot guns? He can do that in Long Island right on the highway. Yeah, well, yeah. All right, Pete, take it easy. He makes a legitimate point. I'll be honest, folks. I fucking hate the road. I hated it when I liked it.

folks i i i i fucking hate the road i hated it when i liked it but um you know you know what cures that nice full houses but i just did this nick is right tour this uh this spring me and andy fiori my old producer uh at serious we did uh you know uh was it um all of march april in the first two weeks of may every weekend and that's after doing four nights of radio so it was all of March, April, and the first two weeks of May every weekend. And that's after doing four nights of radio. So it was six nights a week. So I took a little time off. But like I said, if you find the right venues, I want to get out of the clubs. We did nothing but theaters on that tour.

And that's the way it has to be. One show, people paying decent money to see you. It makes such a difference. And that's not the poopoo on comedy clubs by the way i'm going to be at the fat black pussycat later on this month the 25th and the 28th we'll put the the dates are up at nickdip.com or wherever but uh uh that's the here in the city and uh in the fall i'm going to be in the phoenix and flagstaff area so i'm going to get out there again i need the dough folks i'm not going to fucking lie to you.

This tie, 11 bucks at Target. The shirt, half that. It's a true story. Oh, this fucking mouse. Oh, help me. I just moved a cunt hair and the thing is flying all over. Let's go to Nick in Detroit.

You can probably hear some gunfire in the background. Nick, how are you? Nicky boy! Oh, easy, Tiger, easy. Jesus Christ, my good... Nicky, you let the... I miss you, buddy. You let the... I miss you, buddy. You let the globalists get you, pal.

I let the globalists what? You let the globalists get you. Yes, I did. Well, look, it was unbelievable. What are you talking about, the incident? I'm talking about the firing and the incident. They got your number, Nicky They're coming after you

You know what, Nick? You make a great point Let me tell you something If you don't get canned from a radio show That means you're not talking about anything That's how I'm trying to justify my firing But you make a good point And then I get sucker punched

By a girl in Birkenstocks right out of, right, she could have been the poster girl for Occupy Wall Street and her and her dabbered cojotes. I'm going to keep pursuing that, Nick. So we got to make an example of some of these psychos. I wish I was 25 again. I might have gotten. You know what, Nick?

Go ahead. In any other situation, I would feel like it's wrong to press charges or anything like that. But you know what? Fuck that bitch. You're 100% right to go after her. Screw her. Yeah.

I think she's fucking, she's just another spoiled leftist who thinks she can do and say whatever the fuck she wants when it conflicts her ideology. So fuck her. Yeah, it's not even, they don't even have to be political. It's in their DNA. She's 20 years old or whatever, but it's in their DNA. I remember right after she hit me, I go, why did you do that? She goes, because you're mean. That's how she justified it.

Hey, did we lose a picture? Something? On YouTube or whatever? Maybe. I'm back. I'm good. So how are you doing, Nick, in Detroit? What's going on?

I'm doing good, Nicky, man. I'm just calling to tell you I'm a patron. I'm checking in with you. I'm glad the voice of reason is back. Us patriots out here have lost the voice of reason, and I'm glad you're back. Like I said, I'm glad I have an outlet to express myself. You know, I'm taking a beating in these freaking comedy clubs. Oh, how's that?

I miss you, and I love you. Same here, man. How's that going, the comedy, real quickly. How's it going for you? It's it's going, Nicky, you know, like I said, I don't think it's tough. You know, I don't think a political fan, but I like I am especially out here, Ann Arbor, Detroit. It's a lot of lefties. Even my political opinion or my opinion period leans right. They're not too accepting of it. I get laughs. Don't get me wrong.

I don't know. I appreciate it. I will, buddy. I appreciate it. I'm glad you're back, buddy. Talk to you later. Thanks. All right, bye. That's Nick inroit who is a regular caller on the serious show and um i want to say muslim unless i'm confusing him with a maybe i'm

just saying that because it's detroit i forget but uh a regular call it and he just tried to and he's like a righty and he's just try to start doing stand-up right when i went off the air so he was telling me about some of the horror shows, even at open mics. But I heard it from a lot of young comics, both male and female. I mean, like open micers who they go to these, they call it bringer nights, and they say they're just so tired because all it is is young comics shitting on Trump and dick jokes. I've heard that from like 10 different young comics in the last year.

And people are tired. How about Seth Meyers' show? I think he does. I think Seth Meyers feels responsible for Trump being elected because he was the host of that press dinner, the night Obama. Remember they skewed Trump was in the audience? And Seth Meyers was the host. And I think that's what a lot of people say.

That's what stuck in Trump's craw. And he's like, I'm going to. I'm going to fucking do something about this. So Seth Mize show the first 20 minutes are just just shitting on Trump for 20 fucking minutes every night. It's like somebody at NBC made him the point man. It's relentless. It's just so tiring. I thought I liked him.

Hey, we got a big name on the line, folks. It's the legend. He's at the Fat Black Pussycat probably tomorrow night and Wednesday if you're in New York City. And you want to see him master at his craft. Watch him. This guy's so prolific. He has a new 20 minutes every four days. It makes all of us sick.

But the legend, my close friend, Mr. Colin Quinn, is on the line. Quinny Boyd. Hey. What's going on? I like that you saidd. Hey. Let's go. I like that you said that guy Nick, he leans right and he's a Muslim. Yeah, I can imagine his act. He's like, hey, what about these female drivers?

No, seriously. What about these female drivers? We're going to stand for that. What about these what drivers? Female drivers. Somebody's doing a female driver joke. He's got eight. He's like, no, I'm serious. What are we going to do about these female drivers somebody's doing your female driver joke he's got eight like no i'm serious

what are we gonna do he's got eight he's got eight minutes on uh clitoris mutilation that'll knock the socks off you yeah yeah he's got 11 minutes on the new mosque in dearborn he's like now listen i took this i took the woman's door. I don't care. I had to pee. By the way, he's got a hook on his hand. Does he really? No. But remember Roger Rittenhouse? Do you remember Roger Rittenhouse, Colin?

Yes. Roger Rittenhouse. He's the greatest opening joke of all time. He literally has a prosthetic hook. Not a fake hand, a hook like a pirate. And he would come out and he would go, his first joke would be, petting zoo my ass. And of course that just blows him wide open.

The greatest. Oh my God. The greatest joke. He had some of the, I did a nasty show with him. He had some of the sickest shit ever. Where are you? In the street.

Every time I call, Quininty is never in my... I'm on Fulton and Gold. Okay, you don't have to get that specific. I'm not going to meet you later. But Fulton and Gold? That's near your... I forget the local fans would want to know about it. That's near your apartment.

What are you doing on the street? It's on the other side of City Hall? It's on the other side of City Hall. It's on the other side of City Hall with the great Mayor de Blasio. It's probably right there. Mayor de Blasio, huh? How about that? The great Bill de Blasio. Louie loves him.

Let me ask you a question. You're a New Yorker, a native New Yorker. How about that Alexandria Cortez, that Democratic Socialist broad that beat Joe Crowley? And the left is holding her up. She's like a kingmaker now. She's about 14 years old. Right, right, right. Exactly. Where do you think that's going?

Yeah. Right, right. So. Exactly. Where do you think that's going? Yeah. I think it's going to, I mean, you know, where you'll have like, they'll probably just try to promote it. I mean, that's the thing. The scary thing is whenever it's a female like that, you know they have none of those sex scandals the way guys do.

You can actually see them going all the way to the top. You know what I mean? Whenever it's a guy, you're like, oh, he'll get taken down. You know what I mean? That's actually a great point. You know? That used to be true. You know, that used to be true.

Unless she taught, you know, taught like high school in Florida, she might have molested one of her 14-year-old male students. Yeah, I think it's more of a... I mean, everybody's like, oh, Florida's sick, but it's a tribute to the looks of the kids in Florida. They're all very good-looking because, you know, a tan gives you, like, you know, just gives you a glow. But it's the teachers who are good-looking.

I mean, I would have never want to have been fucking blown by any of my teachers, except for Mr. French. He had a nice physique. No, I never had a sexual fantasy about any of my teachers. They were all very scraggly. How about the ones in Florida? They all had loose skin, and they were only 20 back in those days.

Yeah, the one in Florida is gorgeous. I mean, their mug shots look like head shots. They look like glamour shots. You head shots. They look like, you know, glamour shots. You know? And you're like, really? This 14-year-old got fucking banged by this chick? Can somebody tell me where the problem is? Oh, that kid's life will never be the same.

Yeah, you got that right. He won't be able to go to the mall without signing 400 autographs next Friday night. Exactly. You're right. They have the best mug shots. I'd like to hire the hair and makeup person from, you know, Rayford, from the Dade County

correctional facility. We're doing a Netflix special. It's the same people that did Shannon Bream's hair at Fox. All right, Quinny. This is why Colin Quinn's the best. He's got much more important shit to do, but he calls in because he knew it was my first show,

and this is why he is. I wish you good luck in your endeavor, seeing as how it doesn't interfere with my business. Yes. I mean, it makes no difference what a man does for a living. Here you go. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy.

Alright, Quinny. Listen, I want to make it official. I put in at the Underground for not this week, but the following Tuesday and Wednesday at the Underground. So I will come down and watch some of your impressions. Yeah, come on. I'm opening.

I'm doing Boris Johnson. And I close with a Michelle Wolfe impression. All right, Colin. I got to wrap it impression. All right, Colin. I got to wrap it up. All right. Thank you. I'll see you later. All right.

Bye. Who's better than that guy? Who? Who? Nobody. I'm going to take a couple more. We're going to wrap this up because I don't want to give you guys the impression that I'm going to do two hours a night because, I mean, that might happen sometime. But I still am a working comic.

And, you know, I don't know that 6 p.m. will be the permanent. It will be for a little while, but I don't know if it's going to be the permanent thing because I live over an hour out of the city. And I want to go in and get back. I've got to get myself back into stand-up. I've got to get my chops back. And, you know what I'm saying? So let's take a couple more before we wrap it up.

And again, thank you all who subscribed at Patreon.com and went to NickDip.com tonight and called in. It's been a huge success, folks. Tremendous. And by the way, Trump just picked Judy Scheindler. We just have that in? Judy Scheindler? Jason Soyoung that in? Judy Scheindler? Jason So Young and Ryan, they're looking around.

They didn't know that was Judge Judy I was talking about. They're like, did he really make the fucking pick? Let's go to our buddy Jordan in Canada. It's an international show, folks. England, Canada, Brooklyn. Jordan, how are you? Hey, yes. Hi there. My name's Jordan Peterson. I'm the professor of Canada. I like Jordan Peterson.

I just wanted to call and, yeah, I wanted to add some celebrity to your show. You know, since you're getting punched by these liberal whores and uh persecuted and yes in your job because it's queen yes i mean this is it's it's compelled speech it's what kind of speech it's compelled speech you know they say, you can't call them trannies, but, like, the preferred word is dumpster fire. That's what I call them. Alright, thanks for the call, Jordan. Good to hear

from Canada. Yuck. Fucking guy made me sick to my stomach, didn't he? Bye-bye, dickhead. Alright, couple more, and then I'll go upstairs and make a pot roast. Let's go to Brendan, currently on line one. Brendan, what's going on?

Real quick. What's up, buddy? How are you? Pretty good. I've been holding a piss for about 45 minutes. What's up? All right, I'm going to be quick, pal. Welcome back.

I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. Glad you're back. Are you calling Whistler? I just going to be quick, pal. Welcome back. I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. Glad you're back. Are you calling out Worcester? I just wanted to say two things. I'm in Worcester now, yeah. Okay. Two quick things. Your first day back and also the Supreme Court nominee release day, it's got to be a sign, right? It's a great day. That's what somebody else said. I think you're right.

You know? It's got to be. It's got to be. And the second thing is, real quick, I don't know if you saw Mr. Trump's tweet last night, but he tweeted out a video, which was a compilation of all the Democrats losing their minds on election night. It's like a four-minute video, and if you didn't see it, it's great. Yeah, somebody tweeted it to me. I haven't looked at it yet.

Oh, it's a riot. He is relentless, and I love it. Can you imagine they were trying to talk him out of not using Twitter, even some of his people in his own administration? Do you understand when he can't go through the mainstream media because they've been trying to get rid of him since he showed up, since he got nominated. So, I mean, he has used Twitter. He's made, I can't imagine reading the history books 50, 100 years from now.

He's the tweet president or whatever. But he has used that so effectively. And it's the only way he can get his message out there unfiltered. It's a perfect tool. It really is, and he uses it perfectly, and he's relentless to people. Oh, he could tone it down. Fuck that. We've been biting our tongues for 40 years.

Let it fly every chance you get, Mr. President. That's what I say. How about them Red Sox, Brendan? I love every second of it. Five in a row, pal. Yeah, baby. All right. I'll talk to you again.

Keep calling. Good to hear from you. Last call of the day, folks, before I got to go. Let's go to Zach in Pittsburgh, a regular, again, another regular guy on the Sirius radio show and a comedian, I believe. Zach from Pittsburgh. What's up, buddy? Good to talk to you again there, Nick.

And like I said, you know, I'm right here with you. You know, screw Sirius XM, screw councilmen there in Boston and third trip to the buffet feminists and those fat bitches. Screw them all there, man. I'm with you. And I just signed up on Patreon. Oh, you know what, Zach? I love it up on Patreon. Oh, you know what, Zach? I love it. Go ahead.

Real quick to Balls, my friend Mike. He's a regular caller on the Stern Show. He's a good dude. You'll get a kick out of this. I actually booked him on a show, a stand-up show, because I got him a free pizza, free beer, and 20 bucks to recite one of his lines when Amy Schumer actually called in. This is actually really funny.

He told Amy Schumer he'd like to use her panties as a coffee filter. Well, that sounds kind of different. Yes, not bad. But, boy, he stunk it up today when he called in. I'll tell you that much. I'm thinking that's like a bit. I mean, he records all his calls and puts them on social media, so I could kind of tell he was doing a bit.

All right, Zach. If someone that's actually. Go ahead. All right. I'd have a go on that. All right, Zach. Talk to you. Well, if someone has actually been attacked.

Okay, I'll talk to you later. All right. Are we going to keep doing this? Bye. Jesus Christ. Wasn't a career decision. You can either hang up or you don't have to. Well, folks, I'll tell you.

I think we've covered. I didn't get to any of the stories, but we talked about my face and the firing gets serious. And hold your breath tonight. I think it's Hardeman only because, again, he's going to be the pick because he works with Trump's sister. That's got to mean something or Kethridge. One of those two, the broads out, unfortunately,

uh, that is it. What am I forgetting? Anything? We'd be back here, uh, tomorrow night, the same time.

And, uh, right through Thursday. All right. Rinse those filthy asses. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye, everybody. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.. you