The Nick DiPaolo Show - Tree-Mendous Amount of Spending | Nick Di Paolo Show #601
Episode Date: September 28, 2021Biden/Dems $3.5T spending spree. Massachusetts State Police - Mass Exodus over COVID mandates. No more eating dogs in S. Korea. Mormon "soaking" goes viral. Broadway's "Slave Play" for black's only....
Transcript
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Thanks for watching. Whether on social media or in our schools, on television, or from the White House,
now more than ever our freedoms, especially freedom of speech, are being suppressed, and that's putting it mildly.
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nickdip.com and click on the contribute button at the top. Thank you guys so much. Let's keep
this freedom fight going. Thank you. Oh yeah, it's that time again.
Good afternoon, evening, morning, whenever you're listening.
How are you folks?
Welcome to the big show.
State of Georgia on a Tuesday.
On a Tuesday.
Fucking football pool.
Last night I'm sitting there.
I got 10 with the Monday night game to go.
I had the Dallas Cowboys all week.
I had them all fucking week, laying three and a half at home.
Not that I'm losing money here.
My niece Jenna won the fucking thing a couple years ago.
But, you know.
Had Dallas all week.
Then I started reading a few articles about an hour before the game.
You know.
And then I pressed.
You guys aren't even in the.
But you hit the fucking eagle helmet.
There's an eagle helmet and a fucking cowboy's helmet.
Yeah.
On the pool.
I hit the eagle's helmet.
But then it pulls up eagle statistics or whatever the shit.
I did that.
And I don't know if I got distracted by somebody or something.
Then I hit saved.
I didn't want the Eagles.
Last night I'm watching the game thinking I got the Cowboys.
I'm rubbing it in my wife's face.
I got 11 right out of 16.
I go to bed like three hours after I go upstairs.
I look at my phone and it says I have eagles.
Anyways, just little things like that.
I know it's really a white person's problem, but I'm just saying.
Little shit like that.
You get enough little problems.
This is my theory in life.
It turns into fucking cancer.
My father said this once and it really pissed me off.
He called my house, and he goes, how you doing?
I go, my neighbor just knocked over my lamppost for the second time in six months, which was true.
And he goes, hey, it's not cancer.
Yeah, that's the point I was trying to make.
What the fuck does that mean?
Is somebody getting diagnosed, a doctor, doctor because I got bad news for you? Stage four lung cancer. Good news is
nobody knocked over your lamppost. You fuck stain. The joke went something like
that. Let's get to it. I'm tired of life. Can you tell? Hey in the N-word tonight, the dumbest state in the union,
led by Gordon Gekko of governors, Gavin Newsom, just made election fraud legal and permanent in
the golden shitshow estate. On Monday, he signed Assembly Bill 37, which is coincidentally the
total number of votes that Biden got last November,
I think, which makes universal vote-by-mail the law of the land in California. That means a mail-in
ballot has to be mailed to every registered voter in the state of California, which is 40 million
people, whatever, I don't know. And if you think it's only registered voters who will get those,
you're higher than Snoop hanging out with Cat
Williams in a Long Beach weed dispensary for three days. Everybody knows mail-in voting is
as susceptible to fraud as an old person to COVID. You know, an old person who has type 12 diabetes
likes to lick airplane bathroom doorknobs. This was the very reason Democrats insisted on it and used COVID as a pretext to steal the last election.
Shapeshifters like Newsom disregard all the evidence that mail-in elections are
rife with fraud, while also ignoring the many national polls, that include you, California,
that say Americans are for toughening voter laws, not watering them down.
that say Americans are for toughening voter laws, not watering them down.
What he refers to, Newsom, I mean, as undemocratic, suppressive voting laws, like requiring photo ID because he believes blacks aren't bright enough to get a photo ID.
That's right. He's racist like most liberals.
Those laws that toughen, make it more difficult,
Those laws that toughen, make it more difficult, are just what the country needs to stop the highway robbery that took place last November and gave us the dirtiest, weakest, most compromised president in the history of this country.
But hey, Californians, you didn't want the guy who gave you the highest crime rate in years, the worst schools in the country, rolling blackouts, wildfires, skyrocketing taxes.
You didn't want him to be recalled because the alternative was a qualified black man.
And we all know deep down,
that scares the living shit out of you
diversity-loving equity nuts.
So enjoy.
And that's the N-word for tonight.
Mm-hmm.
It's a Fucking awkward ending.
I don't want to be here.
Fucking ate something
two nights ago.
It's been hanging in my stomach
like a dead fetus.
Couldn't even dislodge it
with a fucking,
I don't know, two cups of...
What do you call it?
Insured?
Not insured.
No, two cups of fucking...
What do you call it?
Metamucil.
I'm off today.
Let's get right to shithead Biden and Pelosi.
When's Pelosi?
Seriously, 80-year-old twat.
When is she going away?
We can't pay somebody to, like, push her down the steps at the Capitol or some shit.
She'll break into, you know, dust.
Anyways, and Joe Biden.
You really want me to believe people bought him.
Anyways, and Joe Biden, you really want me to believe people bought him.
Biden and the Dems' $3.5 trillion spending spree includes money for the tree equity.
Tree equity and bias training.
Or is it bias training, tree equity bias training?
I don't know.
You know, I'm sure redwoods get picked on by white maples,
whatever the fuck. The way it's worded in the article, it looks like tree equity bias, but that's two different things, right? Please tell me. A $3.5 trillion spending
bill being pushed by President Biden and congressional Democrat
leadership includes a $3 billion tree equity outlay for planting saplings and $25 million
on anti-discrimination and bias training in the healthcare industry.
Can I ask you a fucking, first of all, with the trees, do you know this country has literally
50 times more trees it did than when frickin' Columbus came over here?
I'm not shitting you.
You can look it up at nickdip.com.
I just made it up.
No, it's actually true.
There's more trees now because we, you know, we take care, we did take care of the country.
As far as discrimination and bias training in the healthcare industry,
I don't even hear black people for the last 40 years complaining about that,
maybe here and there.
But have you heard, wouldn't they be picketing every day
about we're not getting treated fairly as patients?
What, are they just making shit up now?
Really?
So a black person comes into the waiting room, and what,
they have to sit in the back chairs behind?
What the fuck, you're making this shit up. Is it really?
What they're saying is, well, they can't afford health.
You know, there's a million ways to label it as racism or discrimination.
Discrimination and bias training in the healthcare industry.
So what are you going to do?
You're going to sit a bunch of doctors down at a hotel convention room and go,
listen, when the colored folk come in, you give them lollipops too.
Have some ebony magazines on the table.
Make them feel at home.
Fuck this.
Anyways, as well as nearly $79 billion for the Internal Revenue Service
to step up its enforcement of tax laws.
Oh, you're fucking crazy.
They are fucking crazy.
$79 billion.
Oh, we see the priority now, huh? $79
billion. They're going to be up your ass, especially
if you're a small business owner. Up your
ass.
Me too. Those are just
three of the eye-popping provisions in the spending
bill, the final text of which
was released Saturday, which is
set to be debated and voted on by
the House later this week.
I'm heard there's a bunch of moderate Democrats
who are going to fuck it all up for Biden.
So how far off the reservation is Biden and Pelosi with this shit?
Can I ask you a question?
Why do we let a woman be in charge of spending?
I don't know if I said this yesterday
or if I said it on stage last week.
Has your wife ever come home from the mall empty-handed?
Or been on Amazon for two hours when I didn't buy anything? The fuck? Well, the measure has made headlines over its authorization of huge
new spending on a broad array of social issues pushed by the left, including social safety net
programs and components of the Green New Deal.
Oh, my God.
A close look at the bill reveals less discussed measures likely to stir similar controversies.
The $3 billion earmarked by the House Agriculture Committee would be doled out to state, local, or tribal,
you know, the three Indians, tribal governments for tree planting
and related activities to increase community tree canopy
and associated societal and climate co-benefit.
What is all this fucking horseshit,
you hippie cocksuckers?
What are you talking about?
I live on a street that has,
I live on the most beautiful street in America
if you're talking about tree canopies.
It's those live oaks.
You've seen them down in Savannah
and they hang down.
It makes a natural canopy.
Big fucking deal.
It's overrated.
Aye, aye, aye.
What they want to do is plant trees
in the inner city, you know,
so that the next rally, BMI, a fucking Black Lives Matter,
has something to pull out of the ground and beat cops with.
With a priority for projects that increase tree equity.
Oh, my God.
I despise it with every fiber of my being.
According to the conservation nonprofit American Forest,
tree equity refers to the idea that there should be
enough trees in specific neighborhoods, or boy, I can make a racist joke, or municipalities for
everyone to experience the health, economic, climate, and benefits that trees provide.
Really? Is that why people are getting rich and they're healthy? They've got a fucking
maple in their front? What the? See, there's things called
suburbs and there's things called rural areas and there's things called cities. A tree doesn't want
to live in New York and be pissed on by a homeless guy. I've seen him try to grow shit in New York.
I've seen it. Only city you can walk by, see a little tree with a fucking heroin needle stuck in it.
Trees are more than scenery for our cities, American jerk-off Forrest says on its website.
They are critical infrastructure that every person in every neighborhood deserves.
Suck a bag of dicks.
Deserves.
Then fucking move out of the city.
Get a job.
Schmuck.
A basic right that we must secure.
This is on the Democrats' mind.
The country's coming apart at the seams. We have half of Haiti moving in.
Fucking 100,000 Afghani refugees just spread out all over the place,
not being tested for COVID.
China's licking their chops, just waiting to jump.
And this is what you're worried about.
A Dominican family has a fucking tree in front of their four-decker.
The bill also sets aside at least $7.5
billion for the creation of a
New Deal-style Civilian
Climate Corps. That's what we need, huh?
More fucking committees
and across multiple agencies,
including the National Park Service, Bureau of
Land Management, and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.
The Civilian Climate Corps is tasked in the bill with carrying out vague conservation projects on public land.
I love it. They have the word vague right in there. They don't even know what they do.
They have no idea. I don't know. Maybe they'll pick up litter and shit, sweep, rake leaves in the fall.
We don't know yet.
The green spending increase
when it comes to electric vehicles.
Oh, the United States Postal Service alone
will get $7 billion
to purchase electric delivery vehicles.
That's it.
Give them slower trucks.
Give them trucks with lawnmower engines.
Now when your package is four days late, they go, I forgot to fucking charge it.
And related infrastructure.
Well, another $5 billion will go towards electric cars for the rest of the federal government.
By the way, I'm not against electric cars.
If you can make them as fast as, you know what I'm saying?
I have no problem with that.
Nobody likes that fucking bus shooting blue smoke or whatever.
I don't have a problem with it, but it's not ready for primetime yet.
I've seen a few of them.
I've actually passed a couple of Priuses on a hill.
They were rolling backwards because somebody tried to use the cigarette lighter in their car.
Anyways, including non-tactical vehicles of the Department of Defense. I don't even know what the fuck that non-tactical vehicles vehicles of the department of defense i don't
even know what the fuck that non-tactical veals so what they're gonna replace the jeeps with
with what vespa scooters what the fuck i don't like that idea one of the biggest outlays uh
in spending proposal is for the irs which will get $78.9 billion. Does that tell you what their
priorities are over the next 10 years for strengthening tax enforcement activities?
Let me just, I don't know, translate that for you. They'll be breathing down your neck going over
anything and all that because you know they have access to us now with the digital. You know they
can look up your fucking wife's skirt to find a canceled check.
Why it would be there, I have no idea.
For strengthening tax enforcement activities and increasing voluntary compliance.
Voluntary compliance.
A lot of people, hey, waving, hey, I want to be audited.
Expanding audits and other enforcement activities. The bill text notes that no use of these funds is intended to increase taxes
on any taxpayer with taxable income below $400,000,
which, by the way, who pointed out?
Oh, my God, my memory.
Comedian friend of mine.
$400,000 is exactly what the president gets paid.
Comedian friend of mine.
$400,000 is exactly what the president gets paid.
Through critics, though critics have won that the increased enforcement will fall disproportionately on small businesses, exactly, rather than large corporations, it's meant to affect.
The Dems are always, when Republicans are in charge, it's big corporations.
You're fucking sucking their dick.
You're not fucking whacking them.
They're not paying their fair shit, which is all shit, by the way.
Most of it is shit.
Now that they're in charge, look what they've done to small business. The whole COVID thing.
Do you guys understand we're in the middle of a transformation?
They're saying, fuck you.
We're going whatever, socialist.
Ugh. Give me the money, you understand we're going whatever, socialist. Ugh.
Give me the money, you understand me?
Give me the fucking money, you hear me?
You hear me?
I got to come here and bust my body.
Give me the fucking money.
In addition, the bill calls for the Treasury handout of $25 million to nonprofit groups
to develop, disseminate, review, research, and evaluate training for health professionals
and all staff
who interact with patients to reduce discrimination. Let me just translate that. For white people in
healthcare, they're going to tell you how you're just fucking racist. It's just like
critical race theory only for adults who work in the healthcare. They're going to tell you how
biased it's been against people of color. Meanwhile, anybody in this country, you could be in here for five minutes.
If something happens to you and you go to an emergency room,
they have to serve you, whether you're legal, illegal.
So I don't want to fucking hear it, please.
Have you been to an emergency room lately?
Aye, aye, aye.
If you can find three people who speak English,
I'll blow you right in front of this camera.
That goes just for the fellas, obviously.
Although who knows today.
Anyways, with a focus on maternal health care, naturally.
So what is...
Again, that's just pointing to white males as being evil because it mentions for maternal, meaning women,
and it mentions discrimination, meaning black and brown people.
So once again, what they omit is,
you just deductive reasoning tells you they're talking about us.
The proposal also, because there's so many racist doctors out there.
What a bunch of fucking shit.
You Democrats, may your kids die in a house fire tonight.
The proposal also allocates more than $1 trillion in programs for older Americans,
including $15 million for technical assistance centers or national resource centers
that would focus on older individuals who are underserved due to their sexual orientation or gender identity.
Fucking queers!
What are they talking about?
What's that got to do with...
Is there some he-she living in the fucking woods of Kentucky that can't get the internet
one?
Finally, the measure allocates $2.8 million to the United States
Citizenship and Immigration Services, that's USCIS, to efficiently adjudicate applications
and to reduce case processing backlogs. Democrats had hoped to include a pathway for millions of
immigrants to become U.S. citizens in the final version of the plan, but their dreams were dashed
earlier this month by the Senate parliamentarian, who I didn't even know existed that role until this happened.
Anybody else? Are we making this shit up on the fly? At least she ruled in our favor,
who ruled that the policy impact of the proposal was outweighed by the budget impact. So I think
she got something right. What we've got here is failure to communicate.
When I grow up, I want to be a parliamentarian,
a Presbyterian parliamentarian. This is an interesting story that sort of hits home for me
because as you know, I always quote my buddy Greg who's a who's a who was a cop down
in Miami for 35 years now a lawyer his dad and his brother were state troopers in Massachusetts
his old man got the highest score on the mental test like this is a long time ago in the 50s or
whatever the fuck and yeah so they so they have a big connection.
And anyways, dozens of Massachusetts State Police Troopers.
By the way, I always throw their name out when I get pulled over and they're like,
he's gone, man.
That was a long time ago.
Why am I doing a Southern accent in Boston?
I don't know.
Dozens of Massachusetts State Police Troopers
resigning over COVID vaccine mandate union says,
good for you, good for you.
Again, everything is designed
to break this country apart.
Whether it's nurses quitting, teachers,
this, don't you guys see
it's all planned?
Please wake up and smell the fucking
iced tea. The State Police Association
of Massachusetts, spam.
Spam. You know what that is?
Old people's tumors.
They go to hospital dumpsters
and they get tumors and livers and shit
and they put them in a can.
Spam said dozens of
troopers have submitted their resignation
papers as a result of the state's
COVID vaccine mandate. Yeah, you just told
us that in a paragraph before.
Your sister's box. Who writes this shit?
So the cops are saying,
you know what?
Fuck you.
Take this job and shove it.
I ain't working here no more.
A woman done left
and took all the reason
I was working for.
Ding-a-ding-a-dong.
The state is requiring all executive department employees to show proof of vaccination by October 17th or risk losing their jobs.
Heil Hill!
They call Trump Hitler and a Nazi.
About 20% of state police employees are not vaccinated, according to the union's attorney.
employees are not vaccinated, according to the union's attorney. A source told WBZ-TV on Monday that only one state trooper has told human resources that they would resign. This is the
cops version. Excuse me, this is the government's version. Only one cop would resign because of the
vaccine mandate. The source also said there are others who spoke with human resources to evaluate what their pensions would be if they choose to retire.
I think we know.
So you got to bring, you know, lawyers and shit into this.
And judges.
Hear ye.
Hear ye.
The court's in session.
The court's in session now.
Here come the judge.
Here come the judge. Last week, a judge, probably a liberal broad who went to fucking Yale or a nitwit guy who went to Harvard, who loves government up the ass.
Last week, a judge denied a request from the state police union to put a hold on Governor fucking fake Charlie Baker's vaccine mandate for troopers.
I am so embarrassed by the state of Massachusetts.
I can't even begin to tell
you. I never thought my home state would be a place where I don't want to do comedy. I don't
know if it's allowed there. So there's the governor. I think he pretends to be Republican. I might be
wrong about that. But he's the one who puts the mandate down for the troopers. The union released
the statement following the judge's decision. This is the union speaking for the cops. Throughout COVID, we have been on the front
lines protecting the citizens of Massachusetts and beyond. Simply put, all we are asking for
are the same basic accommodations that countless other departments have provided to their first
responders and to treat a COVID-related illness as a line of duty injury. To date, dozens of troopers have already submitted their resignation paperwork,
some of whom plan to return to other departments offering reasonable alternatives,
such as mask wearing and regular testing.
You see how they are?
Enough to give them an inch.
The state police are already critically short-staffed and acknowledge this
by the unprecedented moves
which took troopers
from special units
that investigate, you know,
little things like homicides,
terrorism, computer crimes,
arson, gangs, narcotics,
human trafficking,
little shit, you know,
and return them
to uniform patrol
because they need the cops.
And now they're passing this thing.
You, oh, my sisters, on patrol because they need the cops. And now they're passing this thing. My sisters.
You fucking people.
You have no
idea how to defend a nation.
Good for you cops.
Stand up for your rights, man.
When all the shit goes down,
hopefully we'll have some state troopers on our side.
Bring your equipment home, will you?
Before you turn in your badge.
So next time I get pulled over the Mass Pike.
Oh, I can't.
I don't know.
The state police headquarters is right on the Mass Pike.
I know right where it is, and I'm coming over there with a sign.
I'm defending you people.
Let me finish that.
Charlie Baker, yeah, good fucking, what is he, the governor?
What a piece of fucking blah, blah, blah.
The union, hey, look it up.
Is he Republican or Democrat?
The union, which represents 1,800 members,
argued that the state needed to bargain with workers
before implementing the mandate, which makes sense.
Union President Sergeant Michael Chervin
said some of the troopers he represents
may be recruited away from Massachusetts State Police
if the mandate does not include some accommodations.
They have opportunities to
return to the municipal departments they came from. There are opportunities outside of Massachusetts.
New Hampshire and New Jersey State Police Associations have already reached out to these
guys, Chairman said. So good. Bye-bye. Good for the cops. Stand up for yourselves. State police
are already facing a staffing shortage for several reasons,
according to BZTV security analyst Ed Davis. COVID is certainly one of them. There's also
the situation that occurred across the country after the George Floyd murder. Police are
rethinking whether they want to stay in the business because somehow the George Floyd thing
somehow the George Floyd thing gave, you know,
the feds and everybody else
just put so much liability on the cops.
It's the cops' fault somehow
that a guy on drugs
in the middle of the fucking day,
now cops are personally liable.
We talk about the laws
that are passing in New York.
If you look at somebody wrong,
you're going to lose your house.
Why would you want to do that?
And they get paid shit, by the way.
He's a Republican.
And if you believe that, Republican.
That's a Massachusetts version of a Republican.
It's like Bloomberg being a Republican.
Actually, he wasn't that bad.
Baker told reporters Monday that he has no intention to budge on the mandate.
Well, that's good.
Open-minded.
And he has just shitting on the people who keep us safe.
That's all.
And he has faith that the compliance will be high.
Okay.
You're a real crumbum.
Republican, my ass.
Big government Republican.
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it's all good stuff. Boy, I'm hungry. Let's talk about dogs and who eats them.
What kind of segue was that? This will make some of you people happy. It does me too. I'm a big fan of dogs, but I got to be honest with you, I've never had a chihuahua with garlic and lemon,
not that I know of.
I did eat food at a Korean restaurant in New York City, and I went to burp, and I went,
South Korea's president raises ban on eating dog meat.
I think that's a good thing.
Hasn't the time come, he said.
He said it like this. Get back here, Timmy.
South Korea's President Moon Jae-in raised banning the eating of dogs in the country on Monday, his office said.
A traditional practice that is becoming an international embarrassment.
The meat has long been a part of South Korean cuisine.
Have you had German shepherd braised?
Delicious.
Oh, delicious.
Thank you.
With about one million dogs believed to be eaten annually,
but consumption has declined as more people embrace dogs as companions rather than lives.
It's true, you have a personal relationship.
You don't want to eat your grandmother, do you?
Unless you're from Alabama.
Listen.
What?
Look at these dogs.
They're missing their heads.
But I got to tell you, that looks like a nice crispy skin.
That looks like a crust on Italian bread.
How about the little girl in the lady's lap there?
She's not scarred for life looking down the neck hole with three pit bulls.
How fucking creepy.
The practice is now something of a taboo among younger generations,
and pressure from animal rights activists has also been mounting to stop these people from eating dog food.
Dog food?
I don't show you dog food! people from eating dogs. Hasn't the time come to prudently consider prohibiting dog meat
consumption, Moon told Prime Minister Kim Bok-hyum during a weekly meeting, according to the
presidential spokesman. And they asked the dogs and the dogs said, yes, they agree.
That's a dog being rubbed down with olive oil and red crushed pepper.
South Korea's pet industry is on the rise.
That's actually good.
You give these people, let's, although, there's a lot, all these shelters over here.
What's worse?
Can I ask you?
I'm posing.
I'm trying to be open-minded here not so american
centric we got all these shelters with dogs that are going to put to sleep after there a month or
whatever would that be or you feed the hungry with it am i making a parent here maybe not
you know how many we kill at the shelter you guys know every day
at the shelter?
Do you guys know?
Every day?
I do,
because I lost my wife's dog when I lived in L.A.
while she was gone.
It got away.
I went to every shelter
in the greater L.A. area.
Oh, my God.
I was driving around for days,
shitting my pants.
It turns out
some little black girl
picked the dog up
and brought it home with her.
Like, you know,
a mile from our house.
My wife put an ad in the paper when she got home.
Sure enough, somebody answered it.
My wife goes over.
The dog's gone a week.
I thought I was finished.
She had the dog for like 14 years when I met her.
My wife goes over to get the dog at this lady's house.
She called her house.
Fucking dog is sitting on the couch with two other dogs.
Could have given a fuck.
Looked at my wife like, what are you doing?
I'm fine.
Anyways, the industry on the right with a growing number of people living with dogs at home,
so they don't want to chow on them.
The president among them.
Moon is a known dog lover and has several canines at the presidential compound,
including a mutt he rescued after taking office.
And there it is.
This is his old dog.
He put that between
two pieces of rye with some goldens and. Anyways. Ever soak your dog legs in tea?
You guys know what teabagging is, right? Sure you do. Come on, fellas.
Male Audience Member 3 in audience. You guys know what teabagging is, right? Sure you do. Come on, fellas.
What's that?
You're in the army.
That's right, Dale.
This isn't the army.
We invented it.
Anyways, the Mormons have a version of it, but it's way different than what you're thinking.
The question in this article, what is soaking? The Mormon Teen Sex Act going viral.
A new viral video reveals what Mormon teens are doing
to get around the no sex rule.
It's penetration without thrusting,
an act known as soaking,
which I've been doing with my wife since at least the last 20 years.
Is that what I've been doing?
I've been soaking in it like Paul Mulliv?
Marinating my cock like a New York strip. I didn't know you're supposed to thrust. I just lay on top of her like
a, like we're Amish and go, known as soaking. And it's hashtag has some 25.5 million tags on TikTok
to date. What's the matter? The Mormons, they can have a bunch of wives, right?
And they're all just soaking?
What a fucking waste.
Waste of a bunch of pussy.
You gotta...
Sounds like a train leaving the station.
In an old movie.
What's more, in order for the couple to further benefit from soaking,
a friend, listen to this, folks, a friend helps them out by bouncing on the bed.
Again, that's what I'm saying.
I would get, you get your wife, right?
You can say, you can be the bouncy, and you get her friend with big tits.
She can bounce.
They're having threesomes,
and they're worrying about penetration?
Anyways, a friend bounces on the bed next to them
to get things moving,
or what are they, fucking paralyzed from the neck down?
What?
There's a video?
Go ahead, roll it.
When your bestie is called to soap in a BYU dorm,
and you have to jump hump for her.
I like her.
I'd have her bounce,
bounce off the bridge of my nose.
What?
Can you imagine?
You just lay on top of a girl and another girl does it.
She might as well join in the party. What do you do for a living? I'm a fluffer and a bouncer.
A bouncer? You mean at a bar? No. I jump on people's beds who don't know how to fuck.
I lived with Stephen Hawking and his wife for like 25 years. When I returned from my Mormon
mission and moved to Provo, Utah, I heard rumors about soaking, which is when a male places his
penis in a hefty bag with garlic, olive oil, and thyme for about an hour, and then his wife sucks
it. His penis in a woman's vagina, and that is no moving no thrusting no orgasms what is the point
no choking no punching 36 year old gary canauer who lives in oregon told the post i talked to a
few friends who had soaked i gotta fucking write a bit i hear that that Mormons still do this. Do they really? What the hell's going on out here?
I never practiced soaking.
I was the sinner who actually finished the job, he said.
Other former members of the church, which compromises 2% of the U.S. population.
Wow, I didn't know there was that many.
Confirm that it's trending, even if it's forbidden.
Oh, my God.
It's just so ridiculous.
It really is.
That's what I'm going to tell my wife.
And she's going, boy, you're like a dead fuck. I'm soaking.
She's like,
I'm not.
I'm drier
than a box of Triscuits.
Hey, guys. A little tour
information. I got a new tour date. Hey, guys. A little tour information.
I got a new tour date.
Hey, guys.
I've got a new tour date to add back in Florida in just about a month from now, Tommy wrote. I'm going to be doing four shows at the Vizziani Comedy Theater in Port Charlotte, Florida on October 28th, 29th, and 30th.
I had a great time, as you know, in Florida last week, and I'm looking forward to these shows too.
If you live in Port Charlotte, Venice, or Naples, where I have my brother and a bunch of people,
or Fort Myers, make plans to come out.
Or stay home and soak with your wife.
Also, I'm back at the Plaza Hotel and Casino in Vegas,
November 12th and 13th.
Just added dates early next year
in upstate New York, New Jersey, and Long Island,
so I'll be getting up there too, folks.
Get tickets to all my shows at nickdip.com
and click on the tour button.
I would appreciate it, and I will see you after the shows.
Finally tonight, I meet the press
in our, uh, roll on. There are white niggers. I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time.
In our RTR segment tonight, Reverse the Race is Broadway's slave, holding performances for black identifying audiences only.
I hate this country.
Discrimination is legal when black people do.
These blacks.
Who knows where they're going to take the wrong way.
Do you see how these lib fucks, and I don't even blame black.
It's white progressives who came up with this shit.
Black people just doing what you do when white blue-eyed devils give you ideas like this.
Black audiences, just black audiences.
But it says that identify as black.
You see how they get around it?
Because if they said just black, that they could get in trouble.
But if you identify, now you people who live within a mile of that, you should all go.
All you white people should go there.
We're fake Afros.
Yell shit out there on the, act black. Say you're identifying as, fill
it with white people acting black. That's how they get around it, I'm guessing, legally.
Can you fucking imagine in this day and age, if you, we're doing an all white show, why
doesn't somebody do it? I want to see whites only. That's what black people want, apparently.
Not all black people, but that's what progressives want.
And you people who hated Trump so much, Harvard, Yale, how many times do I have to bring this up?
They have separate graduations now.
There's separate dorm rooms on campus for black and whites.
Okay, why don't you just look me in the eye and tell me George Wallace was wrong?
Because you're agreeing with them.
You're doing exactly what he did.
Do you understand?
All those people, all those Klansmen, white supremacists who hate so much,
you're emulating them.
Congratulations.
Let's do it.
I'm serious.
Let's try it.
Let the Asians have their theater and movies.
Let's fucking try it. It's not have their theater and movies. Let's fucking try it.
It's not working this way, apparently, for some people.
Slave play, that's a good name. That's what me and my wife call sex sometimes.
Slave play. You whip me in the ass, and then I'll pick the cotton, meaning I'll pull her underwear off.
Slave play was nominated for 12 Tony Awards, but struck out during Sunday's ceremony,
taking home no awards. That is some racist shit, yo. Of course, Snoop Dogg was mad about it on the
internet. Taking home no awards despite being hotly tipped to dominate Broadway's biggest night.
So it has to be racism, right?
But anyways, the play will return to Broadway starting November 23rd
and run through January 23rd at the August Wilson Theater.
As you know, August was a transgender midget Puerto Rican
with a clubbed foot, a hair lip from Calcutta, and three tits on his back.
The August Wilson Theater, after which it will transfer to Los Angeles, Mark Taper Forum.
In their announcement, producers said they are also bringing back black-only audiences,
bring your earplugs, in what they are calling a
blackout performances we should do it or be a whiteout which makes more sense is
that old joke is a blackout in Cleveland yeah I'll get him he's gonna steal him
remember that one folks zing zanger who's with me? These will be invitation-only performances to
an all-black identifying audience so they can experience and discuss the play.
I'm really curious if you go up there and say, well, I identify as black, right?
They have to honor you, I guess depending what state. I don't know. I don't give a
fuck. I'm moving. Robert O'Hara, the play's director, an idiot moron. There he is, apparently expecting an assassination attempt with that collar up.
Anyways, the director explained to the New York Times in 2019,
we as black people just hate the crackers.
No, we as black people have always had to find a space inside whiteness.
Oh, do you see how much they hate us,
folks? Do you see how
much they hate us? Inside
white. Oh, boy, you.
You had to find a space inside
white? Is that a
euphemism for fucking white girls?
What are you talking about?
You're a minority in a predominantly white country.
Get over it.
It's like me moving to Africa going,
what the fuck?
What's with all the black dudes?
Jesus Christ, if you're so unhappy,
get the fuck out of here.
He said that viewing a performance
among an all-black audience
sort of allows you to put off
some of the trauma that you carry around every day in the world.
Just having to live inside a black body and certainly a black queer body.
Are we supposed to relate to that?
There's something wrong with the black man's mind.
There's something wrong with his mind.
Harris, the playwright, told American Theater Magazine
all black audience responded differently to the play.
What they do.
Were there any shootings at the grand opening?
Maybe yelling at the screen when there was a guy in a closet.
Look at this poor white prick. Greg Kinnear's really fallen. Playing with Oprah's niece in a shit play.
Thank you, Reeds. One-time contributions. Kyle Anderson of Utah. Sean Powell of Florida. Larry
Ramey of Ohio. Kit Fortney of Michigan, James Sheehan, Massachusetts,
Paul Sagnella, Connecticut,
new monthly supporters,
Vincent Aguadarado of Colorado,
and David Mays of Indiana,
and Stu McGillicuddy and Joe Biden of Delaware.
That's it.
Don't forget Cameo.com.
If you want me to roast a friend or a relative,
go to Cameo.com, click on the button,
tell me about the person.
I'll make a video and send it straight to that person roasting them.
It's a lot of fun.
That is it.
You guys think and I will say it.
You are very welcome.
We will see you back here tomorrow at the same time.
Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music