The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Back To Butler | Nick Di Paolo Show #1633

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Trump back to Butler, Kamala's teleprompter, an upsetting weekend and much more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! SEE NICK LIVE: 11/9/24 – Bridge View Center Theater – Ottumwa, IA TIX:  https://www.nickdip.com/tour  For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

Music playing Balls on this prick. Hey! What's the matter with them? That's right, they're shrinking. How are you folks? It's Monday again when isn't it huh I gotta tell you I laid on my couch so much I'm embarrassed can't help it sports freak can't help it too old to play him so I watch him oh my

goodness oh my goodness playoff baseball is it's as good as anything man except NHL hockey. But I mean college football, we'll get to that. We're actually going to do a segment on it. It was so crazy this weekend. And yes, NFL, college football, playoff baseball, NHL starts this week I think. I know the Bruins kick off at Florida defending champions and anyhow I digress. Yeah not to mention UFC by the way. UFC they were in Salt Lake City and I gotta be honest

the fights weren't that good. They were the crowd was booing. They get impatient some crowds but the crowd was booing at like four of, some crowds, but the crowd was booing at like four of them. There was a lot of up against the fence, nothing. But the last one was worth, the big one was worth it. My where round round tree. Was that his name? Please tell me that was right. Round tree. Get beat by Pereira and a they were bashing the crap out of each other but Pereira's a bad man anyways let's get to it you guys don't like this type type of stuff let's get to some golf news how about me turning this on remembering that once? As you know, as you may not know, before

I get to that real quick update on, you know, Florida just got, you know, North Carolina destroyed like I've never seen. Scary. And Florida got hit real hard, right? There's another one on its way. It's, gonna be there on Wednesday called Milton. It just went from a two to a four, category four, heading towards the Tampa area. I just, you know, there's a theory out there that the government can now, and I don't wanna seem nuts,

but every time I laugh at Alex Jones, he seems to throw up my face months later. Not just Alex Jones, there's people over the internet saying that government can create manipulate the weather and it's you know I don't want to believe that or not either way the timing I guess it's hurricane season I don't know but buckle up people in Florida it's in the Gulf it's on the west side and it's heading east. Can you imagine after all that? My God.

And but nobody could hit like North Carolina. That stuff is heartbreaking. And we're going to talk about FEMA is getting in the way like most government agencies do. But before we do that, let's get to back to Butler. After a shocking assassination attempt that brought the specter of political violence to an already tense White House campaign, 2024 Republican presidential nominee, and former president, when he mentioned that, Donald Trump returned to the crime scene Saturday to deliver a defiant speech declaring,

and I quote, I will never yield, not even in the face of death itself. Hey, where's my Diet Coke? I'll kill somebody. No. His remarks represented yet another dramatic moment in a toss-up. death itself hey where's my diet coke I'll kill somebody no his remarks represented yet another dramatic moment in a toss-up it is not a toss-up race it isn't it isn't it it don't believe that shit that doesn't mean she can't win because they're gonna steal it anyways I'll say it again they try to kill him twice but don't believe these poll numbers. I was listening to Tucker Carlson

and who's brilliant by the way he's on the road you know he does these live things. I listened to him for 45 minutes I haven't listened to all of it. The most eloquent guy I've ever heard in my life but internal polling and like he said internal polling has no incentive those are the ones you can believe because they don't get out to the public. Internal polling on both sides, by the way, Dem and Republican have Trump up. And the ones that you read in public, those are always weighted towards Democrats. In other words, they ask more Democrats for their opinions. I don't know why that is, but that's how it all.

It's like everything else. It's crooked. Anyways, they say another dramatic moment in a toss-up race, which they want you to believe and it scares me they're going out of the way to make you believe that tells me they're up to something anyways it has American voters on edge anyways mr. Trump went back to where he was shot I don't know who came up with this opening for him but it's it's brilliant let's take a look at what he said. Sounds like me in Salt Lake City after my last joke.

Stand in ovation. The whole club. Not a couple. Did I tell you that, Della? Lee, thank you very much really. And thank you a very big thank you to Pennsylvania. We love Pennsylvania and as I was saying. Oh my god, whoever wrote that should be blown.

Maybe it's a girl. I'll blow it. What? I am your voice. How beautiful is that can you imagine I just said to Dallas can you imagine how he turned that way and got caught one in the forehead can you imagine I'm joking obviously I'd fucking he's my boy I'm just saying that would have been that's right out of that'll be too much

yeah anyways and he went on to say this with some music by the way exactly 12 weeks ago this evening on this very ground a cold-blooded assassin aimed to silence me and to silence the greatest movement, MAGA, in the history of our country. MAGA. Speaking of great movements, you see what I love. We love MAGA. We love MAGA. For 16 harrowing seconds during the gunfire, time stopped as this vicious monster unleashed pure evil from his sniper's perch not so far away. But by the hand of providence and the grace of God that villain did not succeed in his goal Yes, sir He goes back there right he's got Elon Musk with them

There he is anybody who's smart JD Vance bigger crowd this time so sticking up your ass The left has to be shitting their pants again Maybe they're not because they've already got a plan to steal it. Yeah, Kyle was getting updates There was a two mile long wait to try to get into the rally. No, no, that was my show You're confusing it Took two mile long wait to get in to get into Butler how about the people that sat behind by the way that's bulletproof glass thank you Democrats we had nothing to do with it suck a bag of dicks you trying to pin this on Iran

and everybody knows it's you it was you those who want to stop us have slandered me he said impeach me indicted, tried to throw me off the ballot. And who knows, maybe try to kill me, Trump said Saturday. We loved killing. Noting that election day is now only a month away, less than that. Can you believe it? Trump attacked, listen to this, again I got this out I think USA Today, just to show you how the jerk-offs report it. Trump attacked migrants. No, what

he did was speak the truth about illegal immigrants. See that language? That language has subtly – it's subtle, but it's been used for 30, 40 years now. It has brainwashed a lot of people. Attacked migrants? First of all, he didn't attack anybody, and they're not migrants. They're illegal, so fuck off. And pledged mass deportations, hammered the Biden administration's hurricane response, lauded running mate JD Vance's debate performance. Oh, I don't, anything wrong with any of this? Protested the many investigations of his conduct, bragged, you guys can't help yourself who write this shit, bragged about what he said are good poll numbers, again, just stating

facts and criticized what he called the very corrupt political establishment those are in quotes how can you argue with any of that it's so clear I don't know what's gonna happen regardless of how it ends or whatever but the Dems you know all they'll be chaos which will come from who then like when he won last time on inauguration day they burned a limousine and they were caused in all kinds of shit that's chaos they bring it i've been saying that for four years you like children you people that vote the other way. You vote for the left. You don't care.

You don't care about this country. You just want your team to win. Our team good, their team bad. And that's where it stops. You don't give a fuck. You're stupid. There, I said it. Papa Murphy's has a great deal on summer selects.

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Mom, Jess and Marcy are staying over. Or an impromptu sleepover. You can keep it easy, breezy and budget friendly with Papa Murphy's Summer Selects. Large thin crust pizzas for only $10.99. Papa Murphy's. Change the way you pizza. Oh, let's move on. I, I, I, I, I, go ahead. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. What would you like on it, Bubba? Uh, make me a goddamn sandwich, uh sandwich segment tonight. Vice President Kamala Harris appeared to have no idea what to say when her teleprompter seemingly stopped working. She made Biden look like he was a star from Second City Improv in Chicago, seemingly stopped working near the beginning of her speech at a

Michigan campaign rally with the video going viral on social media. They can't even do the teleprompter right. They can't run a teleprompter. And by God, she needs it. Political strategist Greg Price said the vice president turned into a floundering mess until the teleprompter came back on. Boy, you must be a detective, Greg. I couldn't have picked that up. I know what it's like. I've been, I've read off teleprompters that have paused,

but see, I'm a comedian. Like when I was doing a show down in Florida for a bunch of, that's the one where I backed into the cop car. I forget the name of it. The Rooney family owns it. God, my memory's so bad. Anyways, the Veroni's that own the Steelers, it was great. Anyways, the first time I played there, the sound went out. Five minutes into my act. So what did I do? I know that's everything didn't tell a problem, but I fucking put down the microphone and I winged it. I worked the audience until the sound came back on. But you can literally, as this guy says, tell the moment the teleprompter goes off, he says, laughing my fucking ass off. She did she did what they tell you to do in acting class when you forget a line. So you just repeat what the act the last actor said to you until you can think of it.

think of it. It's sort of a Meisner technique but this proves how dumb she is. No ability to talk on her feet. Does that translate into you know being able to be flexible on the fly and get shit done? No it doesn't. So what's stupid here? Remember his number 32. Whose number? Today we got 32 days until the election. Why is that funny? Are you high? the election. Why is that funny? Are you high? Look it's out now. It goes down. Look at her. So 32 days. 32 days. Keep saying it. and this is gonna be a very tight race until the very end unlike your snack is gonna be a very tight race until the very end we are the underdog and we know we have some hard work ahead. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? Is Joe Pesci the best of? Did you see that ability not to improv?

How many more things can they do wrong to prove, to prove that this should be, she should get zero electoral votes zero popular votes we know that won't happen because there's so many stupid people a lot of my friends in show business that surprised me but again they just want to win doesn't matter she's retarded almost as retarded as the guy if you look to the right hand corner down below Humpty Dumpty. Look at it, somebody's holding up a cheeseburger. He's dreaming of a McRib sandwich.

Look at him. Fucking fat fuck you. Anyways, how much more can she demonstrate that she's not qualified? One of the things you have to do to be a leader is to be able to change on the fly, be flexible. They said there was a little bit of poopoo in her pants after. Just a little couple rabbit nuggets. What does it matter of me? Nothing. Nothing at all. All right, let's

lighten it up. That was a little bit of politics. We have to talk about college football. I think, look, most you guys are conservative or lean right. So, and you said, you say in the emails that you like this shit. An upsetting weekend. Vanderbilt, that's right, Vanderbilt, stunning upset of number one Alabama I'll say that again Vanderbilt beat number one Alabama led to craze fans marching the goalpost through the streets of Nashville was just another app or appetizer appetizer we from Boston it was an appetizer I had the clams I had the clams. I had the pasta. And two vodka tonics and I got my car and drowned a bitch.

There is Vanderbilt, folks, I don't know if you know the significance of this. That was their first win against a top five team ever in 60 something years or the history of the whatever. that's how big it was and fun fact a buddy told me who's an Alabama fan because he lives in Alabama this I think that's might be the quarterback right there I don't know the quarterback for Vanderbilt has been a three touchdown underdog three times in his life I don't know if they're all in college or what but he's won all three of them that is friggin crazy so

they were speaking of crazy they went nuts after the game like you're supposed to the hyperbole is done now we can finally play the game I had to get that in there. So the fans went nuts, tore down the goalposts and took them for a ride later that night down Broadway or wherever. Excuse me. I remember staying right next to Vanderbilt. I was doing a Nashville comedy club, one of the clubs there. Beautiful school.

Let's take a look shall we absolute pandemonium in Nashville afterwards look at this students tore down the goalpost and then those goalposts went for a ride they paraded them down Broadway and they eventually ended up in the Cumberland River Nashville Fire Department had to go in and fish them out later. Oh my goodness they didn't sleep all night you know that. That's f***ing beautiful. Four teams listen to this wasn't just Alabama who sh** the bed four teams ranked in the uh top 11 in the latest poll were upset by unranked teams. That's what's amazing.

11 in the latest poll were upset by unranked teams. That's what's amazing Saturday the first team that happened on a single day the first time that's happened on a single day since the topsy-turvy 2007 season that ended with LSU becoming the only to loss Champion in the BCS or college football playoff era they had the bill got it started by knocking off the Crimson Tide 40-35 Tennessee lost to Arkansas Tennessee was ranked they weren't Washington beat Michigan uh is that Michigan second loss didn't they lose another first one uh Minnesota beat USC who's number 11 Texas AM smacked the living shit out of Mizzou M Mizzou was sixth, ranked sixth.

Texas A&M was like 25th, or in the 20s. Kicked the shit out of them, I mean. This marked the first time, listen to this, two SEC teams ranked in the top five lost to unranked conference opponents on the same day. And it was the first time since September 29 of 2007 that four teams ranked in the top 11 lost to unranked teams on the same day. So yeah, stand corrected.

Michigan does now have two losses. Their first loss was to Texas. That's right. Texas fucking beat them silly. Texas right now. But something tells me Ohio State. Ohio State, they say they have a $ million dollar roster because of the NIL shit I saw a commercial during one of the games for a

like a fucking obscure defensive back but he was doing it was a local commercial for whatever team I was watching it's crazy I don't know if it's good or bad but whatever the culmination of losses sent a major ripple throughout the national rankings, particularly in the AP poll top 25 following week six. It's week six already. Oh my God. Where previously top ranked Alabama fell to number seven, while the volunteers of Tennessee slipped to eight and Mizzou tumbled from six

to 21. Hope you didn't break your neck on that fall. Texas Longhorns assumed the top spot in the poll. I like to see them in Ohio State Bank heads. Moving up one slot to match its position in the US LBM coaches poll. So what a weekend there. My my go to. LBM coaches poll so what a weekend there my my god how do I sum up a rivalry between Michigan and Ohio State well it's about not liking somebody since

about a 1939 Keith Jackson used to say the poet and this weekend we've got Texas and Oklahoma oh River rivalry Red River rivalry oh that's what we used to call it my wife had her heavy day. Oh it gets better though. Ohio State, Oregon both undefeated. Yes Saturday night at 730. I memorized that commercial. Two versus three. Oh my god. Then we got Ole Miss and LSU. Oh This is this is football porn folks. Hey for those you guys Watching this show right now on mug clubs stick around for the second half of this show the rest you you got to go go Bye. Bye Unless you go to Nick dip comm and sign up

From Mug Club and then you'll get this entire show, Stephen Crowder's whole show, Alex Jones is on the network, Brian Callan very funny show all kinds of stuff not to mention that of undercover team that's broken two national stories and according to my boss sitting on a couple more so all that it's worth it so you go to Nick Dipto. While you're there, click on the tour button up there. You'll see that. November 9th, Bridgeview Center Theatre, Ottamwa, Iowa. Ottamwa, Iowa, Bridgeview Center Theatre, November 9th. Be there or be queer. It's going to be be great I can't wait to go there I just

spent a lot of money on a social media company yeah if it doesn't work I'm gonna you made that sound like you bought a social media I did pretty good deal 12 12-5 400 employees in India oh excuse me anyways also if you stick around second half of the show I'll tell you why FEMA is the most hated government agency right now and why video games are a plus for your kids at least I think so all right all right. Good night everybody. Oh, yeah Thanks for watching!