The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump: "Joe's The Threat" | Nick Di Paolo Show #1505

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the Liar in Chief, steadfast Stefanik and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Now we're talking. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome on a Monday from the great state of Georgia. Absolutely tremendous weekend, everybody. Hi, D. We're up there. If you're in the Northeast, you got hit with some shit. I enjoyed it. I was talking to my mother on the phone. She's crying about the sleet, and I'm in no shirt on the front porch drinking a Heineken. Because it was 75 degrees on Saturday. It was?

Yep. I'm kidding. I didn't leave the house. 75 degrees on Saturday. It was? Yep. I'm kidding. I didn't leave the house. I didn't realize it got, it did get, you're right, it got muggy.

Even this morning, I'm out there with my coffee, no shit, and he's like, what are you, fucking nuts? Because it was in the 50s? I go, this is why we came here. It's not 11. It's in the 50s. And my nipples. Wow. Woofa.

Anyways. And my nipples. Wow. Woofa. Anyways, quick review of the weekend. Went to the, one of my Christmas presents from the great wife was the Ghost Pirates. It's a minor league hockey affiliate. They're an affiliate of the Las Vegas Knights, the Stanley Cup champions. Savannah Ghost Pirates. Went to the game. 11-minute ride from my house to the brand new arena. 11 minutes. Pull up. I valet the motherfucker like I'm Elvis going into the MGM Grand. Valet it. My wife got, I think they're called like club seats. It's a section that's just for about, you know,

just like one section of the whole, holds about 9,000 people. Picture one section that was fenced off for us. You know what I mean? So you could walk down to your seat and anytime you want, we had two concessions. And they're selling like steak. I see people eating steak., we had two concession seats. And they're selling, like, steak. I see people eating steak.

So we had two concession things and two bars. I mean, I've never been. It's like they designed this for me. It's Savannah. We like to drink. Dude. Yes. Everybody.

You know, Boston likes to drink. The point is, you don't have to wait for a drink in Savannah. You can walk around. It's for adults. I was so fucking excited. Good hockey game. Ghost Pirates were leading the whole time, but Jacksonville, I'm sure you guys care about the Icemen. I guess Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters. Oh. Actually, it was Retro Night. So everything was video game. Beep, beep, beep. You know, Pac-Man. Even the uniforms had that squiggly.

Yeah. You know how the font was squiggly back in the 80s? Both teams had it. Marketing. Fucking geniuses. Of course, they fucking won't let you think for a second. They're selling you something. The minute the whistle blows, it's overbearing.

That's why we went to one game and we haven't gone back since. Not because of the game. It's because of all of that. Well, son, do what I do. Bring the headphones and listen to the play-by-play. No. No, yeah, they overpower you. But that's true if you go to a goddamn NHL game and you've got to listen to fuck. Oh, here's the other thing. They're blaring rap before the game. Hip hop.

Can we stop? I don't give a, how many times am I going to say, I don't give a fuck if you think I'm racist. It's the fucking stadiums, 99 point white people, except for the black people working there who are very nice. And who's that hip hop for? Well, young white kid. No, they don't. Not the ones that like hockey. No, they don't. I know. I was dating a 12 year old girl. She hated fucking ZZ. ZZ Top? No, Jay-Z. Wow, shut up, Nick. Okay, I will right now. Blaring that fucking shit. Enough already. Just jamming that culture down your throat. Anyways, they lost in overtime, first-minute overtime, and they were leading the whole game.

Our goalie played out of his mind. Jacksonville was probably a better team. Anyway, it doesn't matter. But here's the best part. Game ends. We don't even, we're new to the building, so we don't know if we're supposed to get on this elevator, take these stairs.

You know, we get lost for like 30 seconds. Still get out the door, walk to valet, ding, ding, ding. I'm in my house. I would say, and I'm not cheating you, 12 minutes after that guy scored that goal. I'm on my couch. When we went to the game, we ended up walking just because it's in walking distance. It's literally that close. Stop in me, will you?

Bastard. That's right. You can walk to that motherfucker. Unbelievable. That's what I'm saying. I thought I had it. Yeah. So I just love Savannah.

It is. I was like this when I was 18, folks. It was always about, I don't want to wait in line for anything. That's for my dad, you know. We'd go to Dairy Queen. I've said this many times on the show. There'd be two people in line.

He'd go, we're not going in. We'd be crying in the car. We're not fucking waiting for that. I'll melt yours in a microwave. All right, Dad. Anyways, and the other sports thing tonight, guys, Michigan 14-0 versus Washington 14-0. That's Washington State.

One versus two, right? That's how it came down, played out beautifully. If you missed that, you're gay, you're a choreographer, you're a fucking male figure skater, you're a trans gobble-gobble-gobble. Anyhow, and a bunch of firings in the NFL today that I know of. Ron Rivera gone from the commanders,

which is understandable. They suck dick this year. Art Smith from the Commanders, which is understandable. They sucked dick this year. Art Smith from the Falcons guy is gone. They had already got rid of Jake, you know, who the Reddies had already canned the coach during the year. Frank Wright got canned during the year. There's a couple more. The Giants already got rid of their offensive line coach

and a bunch of other people. Belichick, there's buzz in the air about where he might be. Anyways, enough of that. Sorry to be a guy. Let's go to another guy who's a lying sack of shit. Liar-in-chief Joe Biden. President Biden kicked off his bid for re-election, which is fucking hilarious because he never won in the first place. The more I read about it. Kicked off his bid for re-election, which is fucking hilarious because he never won in the first place. The more I read about it. Kicked off his bid for re-election Friday night deriding former President Donald Trump as a loser. That's quote unquote. And calling his bid for a political comeback something out of a bad fairy tale. Look at him.

He's calling somebody a fairy with his mouth like that. Friday prompting his predecessor to fire back, that would be Trump, that the 80-year-old is a true threat to, he's the true threat to democracy. You are correct, sir. Speaking near Washington's 1777-1778 winter encampment at Valley Forge outside Philly, Biden shit his pants and didn't know what to do with the steaming pile. forge outside Philly. Biden shit his pants and didn't know what to do with the steaming pile. He went scorched earth on both likely Republican nominee and his allies in Congress, claiming that the latter group abandoned democracy after we nearly lost America during the Capitol riot. How do they say this shit? How do they say this fucking shit with a straight face. Nearly lost America? Nobody was charged with insurrection.

And if you people, not you, my fans, you jerk-offs, believe this, you're part of the problem. Here's asshole talking. I hope he dies tonight. Let's be clear. Fuck off, you. Fuck you.

Trump exhausted every legal avenue available. Pause. Lie number one. He did not. The fucking judges refused to look at it. Remember in Pennsylvania and everywhere else, they wouldn't even look at it. They didn't look at it and go, no, he's wrong.

They wouldn't even look at it. And again, it all happened because of the COVID hoax. So everybody changed their way to vote, to mail in. And you can't do that unless legislation sign off on it. Pennsylvania did none of that. That's in the car. Anyways, you guys all motherfuckers. I love dickhead talk.

Cocaine. Everyone. Fuck you. But the legal path. Suck it. Just took Trump back to the truth. Did it? That you're an asshole?

That I had won the election and he was a loser. Oh! Throw him a sardine. All right, that's it. I can't take anymore of this fuck stain. Backed by a cheering audience of brain-dead seals, Biden torrented Trump repeatedly during the roughly half-hour

dogshit speech, accusing his predecessor of intentionally using the violence of the Capitol riot as a tactic. Again, we also know that FBI guys were involved. And remember, they did a whole special on it every night for a couple of weeks, and nobody watched it because it's all bullshit, as a tactic to remain in power. And even likening his rival, not for the first time, you know, to Nazi dictator Hitler. Boy, you fucking haven't said that enough, have you?

Trump's assault on democracy isn't just part of his past. It's what he's promising for the future. He's being straightforward. He's not hiding the ball, Biden said. You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that? Yeah. This is cunts. Take it easy.

His first rally for the 2024 campaign opened with a choir. This, he's talking about Trump's rally. January 6th, insurrectionists, I, I, I love this, singing from a prison on a cell phone while images of the January 6th play date playing on the big screen behind him at his rally. Can you believe that, Joe says? This was like something out of a fairy tale, a bad fairy tale. I couldn't even. Go ahead. This guy's the best. Please rise and place your hand over your heart. This is the guy's in prison ha Hailing January 6th rioters. That's right.

He opened with images showing the mob being pushed back by law enforcement and a recording of jailed rioters singing, get this, the national anthem. An announcer called them the J6 choir. The Jan 6th. An announcer called them the J6 Choir. The Jan 6. Ah, I love it. I love it.

Boy, he leaned into that one. Hey, in the second half of the show, folks, I'm going to be, what am I going to do? I'm going to show you some pictures, some AI pictures of me that somebody did as a, me as a transgender fellow at a pride parade. And I'll show you a little what AI is about. And he didn't go overboard with it. It's a guy that used to do my website. And what else? Oh, I'll show you what happened on an Alaska Airlines flight. They'll have you shivering and shaking and shitting your pants and always sitting on the aisle. Fuck it. Did you see that? Exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's

nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. That's all Biden has, by the way. You understand? He can't point to his record of the economy and all that other shit. That's all he's got. Trump's a bad guy. He's Hitler. That's all you got on the left because you've been a disaster. Your president has been a disaster right from the time he stole the fucking election to right now. The border, fuck, what are we getting, eight million new people? now. The border, fuck, what are we getting, 8 million new people? Oh, that's a fear of the unknown, Nick. Okay, yeah. They're a fucking enigma, these people coming over. Most of them young males with tattoos on their neck. Yeah, real fucking puzzle. I'm real scared. Let's move on, shall we? You know who I like every time I see her more and more? Stefanik, House, you know,

Elise Stefanik, House Republican, conference chairwoman. Anybody else? Everybody have a chair? Contended. Anyway, she's contended. She's the one who made Claudine Gay look like an asshole. Remember at the hearings and shit? She's an up-and-comer. Slap her on. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Slap her on the ticket. Huh? Yeah, a nice white woman is the vice president. Can we do that? Is that allowed? She only checks one box. I'll check her box. I gave Gutfeld the line. He checks more boxes. We're talking about some black gager. Checks more boxes than an unlicensed gynecologist. If I'm not a genius, his sister is me. No, she's retarded.

Chairman Elise Stefano contended that President Biden and Democrats pose a threat to democracy, which is the real truth, over efforts to jettison Donald Trump from the 2024 ballots. Here she is on one of those Sunday morning shows that's run literally, probably, well, I should say literally. I'm going to go with literally because I think it is part of the fucking White House. They have the studio across the street. Meet the press. This broad, you see a guy tickling Biden's balls with her tongue. She has to run over and do this. I used to watch this shit until Ann Coulter goes, you still watch those fucking shows?

It's Sunday morning. I'm up. I got a coke problem. Let's listen to Stefanik straighten this left-wing batch out. I've been clear, Kristen. If you go back and play the full speech I gave on the House floor, I condemn the violence just like I condemn the violence of the blm riots but i also importantly stood for election integrity and security of our elections which if we don't have that we do not have a democracy so the real threat she's not even you see that keep your eye on the host this is how i teach you how to watch tv she's not even listening to her she's already got her second question she's not even listening to her she's already better second question I've been listening to her good

at to our democracy is these baseless witch hunt investigations and lawsuits against President Trump whether it's tish James whether we see in the DC Circuit Court and that is undemocratic and it's shredding our constitution you know who agrees me Kristen the American people. Who are they? Keep an eye on her. Throw her on the ticket. Either that or the deputy governor of North Carolina, Mr. Robinson. Boy, fucking like him a lot. Moderator Kristen Welker actually shit blood when she heard this and had to take a break. Later, she asked Stefanik Pointblank, would you vote to certify and will you vote to certify the results of the 2024 election no matter what they show?

That's a sick question. You're a sick fucker. I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer. That's why I like her. That was her. What a voice. Can you imagine asking that? I don't know.

Let's go back. Let's go back to 20-whatever-the-fuck-it-was when Hillary, 2016. Did you ever ask her that? Maybe you did. I don't know. But did she agree to how the election ended? Or did she keep fucking, and you, keep whining about he was a Russian,

Russian disinformation, he was an was a Russian, Russian disinformation. He was an agent of Russia. It was stolen. All the way back to 2000, Gore and Bush. Gore and Bush, but we won that one. I don't bring that one up. We will see if this is a legal and valid election. That's what Stefanik is saying, because the last one wasn't.

What we're seeing so far is the Democrats are so fucking desperate. They're trying to remove President Trump from the ballot that is the suppression of the American people. So while they're going, he's a threat to democracy. We're not going to let the people decide who's the president. It's that ironic. Stefanik, once a left winger for the Staten Island Hogs, was one of 147 Republicans in Congress who voted against certifying results of the 2020 election, excuse me, on January 6th, God bless her, 2021. She cited objections to Pennsylvania because of unconstitutional overreach alluding to gripes about it. See how the, you can Dallas pixelate, you hear the language alluding to gripes.

They were just gripes. No, the fact, Pennsylvania changed their state constitution as far as voting goes because of the so-called COVID epidemic and never had their legislature sign off on it, which is, again, it's right in the Constitution. Alluding to gripes about how the Keystone State Supreme Court and Secretary of State reworked election policy to roll back signature matching requirements without legislation. Stefanik later echoed Trump's rhetoric,

calling some of the hundreds of men and women who have been prosecuted for storming the Capitol hostages. I fucking love that, you know, she, I can't, I don't even want to know what the woman interviewing, what her comeback was. You see how they, will you guarantee right now that you'll agree? No. After what you did in the, that should have been the answer. After you stole the last one, go fuck yourself. Nick, you can't say that. You're right.

You know why? Because I'm a big fan of the tratties, and I should have a cleaner mouth. Not really a story here, but funny as hell. See this? Dallas comes in with this. That's right. He owed me $2 for parking. He got this in the mail from the Annenberg Public Policy Center, University of Pennsylvania,

the aforementioned state that is as crooked as any of them. Thank you for, let me do this, look more presidential. I'll give you a little Walter Cronkite. I'll give you a little Brett Hume. Wow, what I'm saying. I'll give you a little Brett Hume. Wow, what I'm saying. Hey, what happened? I don't see Brett Hume anymore on anything.

I wonder what happened. Google that. Maybe touch somebody. Thank you. These are as dirty as my sister's ass. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Your home has been randomly chosen to join the Annenberg Democracy Study Panel. This study is being conducted by the University of Pennsylvania. That was, again, randomly picked by the University of Pennsylvania's Annenberg Public Policy Center. Yuck. This is an academic

survey research project and is not affiliated with any political candidate party or organization. Yeah, it is. You work at the University of Pennsylvania. We already know what they're all about. Hamas-loving cocksuckers. If you had any dignity yourself, you'd take your company away from that. This is an invitation-only panel made up of Puerto Ricans and retarded kids. What? Made up of U.S. citizens who will share their opinions about important issues affecting the nation, including the upcoming 2024 presidential election. We appreciate your time, so we've enclosed $2. Wow, that's not much appreciation.

Two bucks. Once you confirm your eligibility, are selected, and agree to join the panel, we'll send you another $15 as a thank you. And some number two pencils. I think it's the money they collected after firing their president. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's how many people were behind that fucking. Anyways, that goes to Dallas and his expecting wife, by the way.

I don't think he mentioned that. So I would do it, get the extra 15, and take me to Burger King. What a fucking, what a, what a, what a, I'm going to tell it that I didn't get nothing. We don't get shit like that. You know why? They've seen me. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club right now, stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else, everyone else,

that's four cups of coffee, I can't. Everyone else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, the great Steven Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. And while you're at nickdip.com, click on the tour button, and you'll see one date there,

because I chose to take the goddamn year off, and Tommy brings me anyways it's got me working like James Brown this year anyways May 11th count Basie Theatre Red Bank New Jersey please come it's a huge venue I want to fill it not be embarrassed May 11th count Basie Theatre Red Bank New Jersey it's Mother's Day weekend. Bring that whore. I'll let her have it right between the eyes. Or the legs. Your choice. guitar solo Outro Music