The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Trolls the Two-Faced #199

Episode Date: July 15, 2019

Hollywood unveils black female James Bond. Freshmen Dems falter in Trump fight. Rapinoe asserts her arrogance.  

🎵 Oh, yeah. Welcome to the show, everybody. How are you? It's a filthy Monday here in Georgia. How you doing? How was your weekend? Miserable like mine? I hope so.

Filled with grief and despair. Jason, how was your weekend miserable like mine i hope so filled with grief and despair jason how was your weekend in boston not doing your job you punk it was all right good to see him getting through to him anyways you got a flat tire what happened real quick yeah so we were driving from albany to Boston. It's already too long. Get to the fucking point. The end. Okay, Edith. So then we were about to get on I-90, and the tire gauge pops up.

It says 24 PSI, so we pull over to check, and the tread is almost attached entirely from the tire wall. And you were going to Fenway. Yeah, we were headed to Fenway. You saw one of the worst games of the year, unfortunately. But you liked Fenway. Never been there're headed to Fenway. You saw one of the worst games of the year, unfortunately. But you liked Fenway. Never been there, right? Yeah, it was beautiful. I got that same childhood feeling when you first see the ballpark and you walk out to the field.

It's awesome. And your uncle touches you behind the paint stand. All right. How are you? Oh, bug! That was Hillary's fucking empty head. Anyways, coming to you live. We'll do it live. 12 cups of to you live. We'll do it live.

12 cups of coffee in me. We'll do it live. A little edgy. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. Run through a motherfucker face. That's our next congressman from Detroit. What's going on in the world, ladies and gentlemen? Oh, my favorite angry lesbian,

fucking the young Dennis Larry, the young David Bowie, the fucking... Once again, my show's ahead of the curve. Now, the whole world agrees this broad's just a vile twat. I was saying it, I don't know, two years ago when I saw her for the first time. Nothing to do with her sexuality either. She's just a hateful bitch who sees herself as a victim. Who am I talking about? That's right. No. United States woman soccer star Megan Rapinoe.

God, is she Italian? Fucking disgrace. Was widely criticized over the weekend after a viral clip, I should say a vile clip, showed her autographing a soccer ball for a young fan. He looked like a migrant from Ecuador. Show him the respect he deserves, you whore. Yet somehow managing to never make eye contact with a boy.

Video of the incident which happened at the Espy's last week. Let's get rid of that show, too. That's just another left-wing propaganda Disney piece of shit. Showed a young boy walk up to Rapinoe with a small small soccer ball he hands the ball to her and she autographs the video of her being such a sweetheart yeah look that way look down look that way there you go nice going you know what you're a bigot and a racist you hate straight men you hate straight people you know what that was about she hates fucking he's a little boy has no respect whatsoever whether it's a 55 year old man or a 12 year old boy that's what it's about she hates men and please don't tell me that's her girlfriend to the right am going to have to dye my hair purple to get that?

Jesus H. It's like, is that AOC next to her? Pay good money to see those two tied up. She's just a hateful witch, okay? Or as my friend Pauly Walnuts puts it, she's a malignant cunt. Bing! Look at that, huh?

Does that get you hard, fellas? Huh? Is your dick as hard as a whale's tooth? Look at that, huh? Does that get you hard, fellas? Huh? Is your dick as hard as a whale's tooth? Look at that. It's the face she makes when she's taking a dump or she's being violated with a toy. Oh, this show isn't fucking skyrocketing. Actually, it is. We picked up a ton of YouTube followers because of my delicate nuanced broadcast. Sunday morning, the clip, first of all, it amassed 10 million views and generated widespread outrage. I'm glad you guys came around.

It took you a year and a half. But do you know how much, do you know how hateful and unlikable you have to be to be a lesbian soccer star on a team that just won the world cup in 2019 in america and people to hate you do you know how fucking vile you have to be a little more vile than me she wins rapinoe that's what i call her uh some people had some good uh david dunn a former professional soccer player said the one kid in america who doesn't think that the game sucks david dunn gets it because the game does suck especially when it's played by chicks or men it's fucking horrible it's fun to play it's a good sport again people from third world shitholes like talib and uh fucking I'm confusing my hateful congresswoman Ilan Omar uh but again I'm not a fan of soccer but David Dunn says the one kid in America who doesn't think the game sucks

god bless it she acts like a stereotypical movie star no she acts like a stereotypical dyke just angry hateful and is repelled by anything that's male, whether it's 12 or 65. Did I make that point? A stereotypical movie star in the 80s in front of him. He said him. Did he mean that? This guy's on fire. He'll be getting in trouble.

She's vile. That was disgusting. There's people more famous than she will ever be who don't behave like that. Who is she? I don't know her full name and not many will. She's the USA player who won the World Cup, another critic said. Oh, she won the World Cup herself? Did she? She's going to be, trust me, you're not going to know who she is. Her 15 minutes was up a year ago.

You're not going to know who she is in six months. Just a professional victim is what she is. She's vile physically, emotionally, spiritually. She's just a cup of, you know, she's just a walking advocate for everything that I fucking can't stand. Put her up there again. I just want to get more angry. Is that not AOC next to her? Huh?

I'm telling you. That's fucking AOC. And Tony Soprano's ghost is up to the right of her, scratching his eyes. Man, I fucking thought I liked the fucking thing. Look at her. Look at her looking away. Oh. I wish that kid just wound up and drilled her in the face with that ball.

I would let him in, even if he was illegal or not. I'd have him living in my living room, making him fucking tacos around the clock. Kids, stop following this sport. It's for 12-year-old white girls in rich suburbs, okay? Not angry men like her. Look, she's got half her tit hanging out. Again, if you want to bang a young Dennis Leary, you can yum yum. Jesus H. Christ. Fucking anger me. What the hell's going on out here?

You tell me. Well, the agenda, whether it's her or, again, we know what the feeling, the atmosphere is. Let's get the old white guys out of the way. That is the feeling in this country has been for the last 40 years. They can't get rid of us fast enough. And here's another story proving that. Boy, did this make my pee-pee inverted. LaShonna Lynch.

Uh-oh, black woman named Lynch. Can I say it without getting in trouble? She's a black woman what is she doing she's taking over as james bond and the and whoever wrote this says it's about damn time yeah go home and throw your handlebar mustache sally son of a whore exactly my thoughts exactly yeah she. Yeah, she's going to be the new James Bond. A black woman who looks like a point guard from St. John's. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Yeah, sorry. This development will almost certainly divide diehard Bond fans who are notoriously protective about this series, which has spanned 60 years and featured six white male actors in the black tux. Because that's what the role called for doesn't call for her and describing her as beautiful i saw three black girls today 12 times better looking than her she's beautiful she could be a fucking strong safety for the eagles not the band the football team bands don't have strong safety

what next we're gonna have nathan lane playing shaft football team. Bands don't have strong safeties. What next? We're going to have Nathan Lane playing Shaft. Nothing? Time to get quiet on the best line of the show? You fucking titless wonders. Lashana Lynch. I'm so Italian, I thought it said Lasagna Lynch when I first read the book. I'm not kidding you.

This development will almost certainly divide diehard Bond fans who are notoriously protective of all we have. I think I already said that. According to the Daily Mail, there's a pivotal scene at the start of the film where M says, come in 007. And she walk in walks Lashina, who is black, beautiful and a woman. If that's your idea of beautiful. Those are four white guys in the front row watching the trailer. Excuse me. With Lynch, there'll be a relatively blank slate. Mainstream audiences know her best from her supporting turn as Carol Danvers.

Do you know I'm from Danvers? That's my hometown. There's a character with a never seen my hometown used for anything other than me being beat by my parents. Listen. As Carol Danvers, sidekick, pseudo love interest, and this year's blockbuster, Captain Marvel. Oh, she must know how to act. She was in a

fucking action hero film. That's where you see the best acting in Spider-Man and fucking... I never watched that shit. I never followed Marvel comics because as a young boy, I was a very weird kid. I liked little girls and sports. Yes, stupid one. I actually like the Marvel movies,

and Captain Marvel was the worst one by far. Was she in it? Do you remember what she did? No, I didn't see it because it was awful. Oh, you didn't even go see it? Yeah, and I love those movies. I know you do. I can tell by your hat and your dumb T-shirt. You're the one to blame.

Look at these credits. I can see why she got a coveted role she has also previously appeared on television in several mostly short-lived shows like crims who hasn't seen crims the fuck is crims how about crumbs bitch and still star-crossed my favorite one It's about a bitter comedian who had a show in Georgia. According to the Daily Mail, this dramatic turn for Bond was inspired by writer-actress, oh, here's who we have to blame, Phoebe Waller-Bridge. You know she's a bitch.

She kept her maiden name. Anyway, well, that's not nice to say. A Fleabag fan. I wonder if they're talking about her personal life or is that a film she did who was reportedly brought in by craig to punch up the script so that's who craig brought her in then he's to blame god damn it i i had a there it is oh fucking bitch timing is everything what did i skip a story? Huh?

Guys, are you sure? Did you give it back to me in the wrong order? No? Because it says here, it should be saying, your mother sucks big elephant dicks. That's how it is on my thing. Anyways, so Craig actually had a hand in this. This is a Bond for the modern era. You know, anybody who's not straight, white, and male,

who will appeal to a younger generation. She might be straight. I don't know. While sticking to true what we all expect in Bond film. There are spectacular chase sequences and fights, and Bond is still Bond. No, no, no, he isn't. No.

Bond is now a power forward for the Pistons. Try to say forward. That would have been funny if I said it in English. Still Bond having to learn to deal with the world of hashtag Me Too. That's the thing. That's why guys like me when I was a teenager, it was Roger Moore

and Live and Let Die. And I fell in love with this series. And, you know, but it was about him getting really hot broads while he was doing his thing. Now what do I get to watch? This is being created in a hashtag Me Too environment. But I'm sure Bond is the exact same. I hope she's hitting on Hot Pussy. Megan Rapinoe.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's Hot Pussy, Rich. That's a good point. Have him x-rayed for cancer of the funny bone when the show's over. Anyways, you know what it's about? It's about getting the younger generation because apparently the younger generation can't handle a white male doing anything successfully you want to see james

bond look to the white house i don't know what that meant uh still the news is guaranteed to cause controversy for every fan who says it's about time there'll be purists who whine about continuity or worse political correctness run amok exactly that's all it is there'd be no whining if we took Shaft and did a remake with fucking Don Knotts his son there'd be no whining would there a remake, huh? With fucking Don Knotts, his son?

There'd be no whining, would there, if we started handing fucking what were traditionally black roles? But there weren't any. Yeah, there were a couple. Name some black films. What's a Tarantino? Jackie Brown? Right? Go ahead, Rich. I was going to say Boys in the Hood. Boys in the Hood. Good reference. 31 years ago. But yes, replace Boys in the hood boys in hood good reference 31 years ago but yes

replace boys in the hood with exactly with a fucking couple girls from jeffrey epstein's kitchen uh in fact whoever wrote this is just a hateful liz uh or gay guy in fact it's probably on a matter of time until President Trump weighs in. After all, there's no pop culture squabble too petty for him to weigh into. Oh, so you admit this is petty. It means nothing. Okay. I would love for him to weigh in.

Go back to your shithole. Bond was from England, the mother white country. England, the mother white country. You've turned her into a soccer player from Brazil. Prior to becoming president, he decried the all-female reboot of Ghostbusters. You know who else decried it? The fucking public. Okay?

It stunk to high heavens nobody saw it leslie jones when i think a great actress is sure she can feel bill murray shoes let's let's lower the standards out of fairness and everything in this country again i'll remind you people black population makes up 13 percent i wish there's got to be some black people out there who like the white james bond people, black population makes up 13%. I wish... There's got to be some black people out there who like the white James Bond. There's got to be one or two out of the 30 million. Maybe not. You know who? Probably

Greg Gumbel. He's a very white black guy. Yeah, so people should as well as a potential harrison ford being replaced as indiana jones with a new actor trump didn't like that and a lot of people didn't like that either so quit pointing to trump like all that you fucking people you so you make you are correct sir uh so yeah so uh lashana lynch congratulations for ruining what was a tremendous run. Yes, sir. I just checked. They actually only make up 3% of England's population.

So it's even less over there. Yeah. And that's where his character is sort of, right? Yeah. 3%. 3%. Very loud 3%. Anyways.

I can't. You're watching everything be dismantled, whether you're tearing down a painting over George Washington murals, blowing up statues of whoever, Jefferson, or you're just watching what the Nazis did and what ISIS does. You erase the past of the... You erase the fucking history of whoever you hate and trying to conquer. And you're watching the Western civilization being dismantled.

Let's do a Cosby remake, but let's take all the Brady Bunch people. Well, they're all dead now. Between AIDS and bad career moves. Stick up Florence Henderson. Let her play Esther Rolle in good times. Let's stay on the race thing, because Beto O'Rourke just found out him and his wife are descendants of slave owners.

Oh, no! Do we have video? We don't have video of them saying that. O'Rourke said his paternal great-great-great-grandfather, oh, my God, that's so recent, this story, owned two slaves, Rose and Eliza, in the 1850s, and someone who could be his maternal great-great-great-grandfather owned slaves in the 1860s. Documents also show O'Rourke's wife has an ancestor who owned slaves and another who was a member of the Confederate Army.

So let's take them out and shoot them. There he is. I'm trying to prove he's not a fighter. Look at him. He's giving the Heil Hitler. Sprach und sie sausen, der Riss rauser. What a dick. I believe.

Ugh. His energy. You ever see him bouncing around when he talks? He's like a. This guy. You talk about a pandering self. I don't know what he's. He says he's Mexican too, right?

Didn't he say he was part Mexican? Anybody work on this show, follow the fucking news other than me. Think of something about being Cuban. Was it Cuban? Okay, so Cubans owned slaves. Shut off your mic, please.

There you go. No, I was picking up fucking whatever. Wasn't off cheese head Jesus fuck I just made that up I was hearing all the fucking background noise Can you tell I'm a little edgy today? I haven't taken a good dump in two

I was at Rich's place, I made two pizzas I'm not gonna fucking move my bowels till Fucking late December Pizza was worth it Great comment. Fucking really helps the show. Fucking suck ass. Great pizza boss.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Anyways, listen. This is Beto O'Rourke's quote, self-hating white puss. I benefit from a system that my ancestors built to favor themselves at the expense of others. Then move the fuck out of the country and take Ilhan Omar with you

if your conscience is bothering you so much about something that happened a couple hundred years ago and take Tlaib with you and whoever else. I'll get to them in a few seconds. That only increases the urgency, I feel, to help change this country so that it works for those who have been locked out or locked up in the system, he wrote. And I wrote back to him. You listening?

Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. We found that out on Ancestry.com, Beto. Ancestry.com beta. The disclosure comes after the Guardian contacted O'Rourke, the self-hating white Cuban jerk-off, about his family's ties to slaveholders. O'Rourke told, by the way, his real name's like what? Robert O'Rourke fucking, what is it? Robert Francis, I believe. Yeah, Robert Francis O'Rourke. So that proves he owned slaves.

O'Rourke told the news outlet that he and his wife had not previously known that part of their families until it was pointed out by an angry black guy at a 7-Eleven O'Rourke said he continues to support reparations oh do ya? nice knowing ya for the descendants of slaves which has gained popularity among Democrats running for president even though they hadn't brought it up in years but it is election time, Time to suck some black toes. We all need to know our own story as it relates to the national story. Here's my own story, Beto, and a lot of most of the people that live here. Our immigrants came over,

our parents, grandparents came over from Europe or whatever and had nothing to do with it. How about that? How about the Irish? They were enslaved and were treated like shit. Are they getting reparations? Give them a couple bottles of Jameson and some tea. We all need to know our story as it relates to the national story, much as I am learning about mine. It is only then, I believe, that we can take the necessary steps to repair the damage done and stop visiting this injustice on the generations that follow us. Oh my God, help me. I'm a fucking idiot. You're the one revisiting it, you and the Democrats. There's plenty of educated black people who want nothing to do with reparations because it's

patronizing and they're doing just fine does tiger woods get a cut huh who's gonna bring that out to him on a 70 000 foot yacht while he's being blown by three ihop waitresses who's dropping off that bag of cash i'm sure he needs it look at this fucking dolt i don't know who i hate more. I'd hang out with fucking Megan Rapinoe before I'd hang out with this... Seriously. At least she doesn't try to hide her fucking hatefulness. This phony, cheese-eating...

fuckstain. But I can't wait to get tickets for that new fucking James Bond movie. Octopussy, can we say that? Huh? Or is that a hashtag me too? What's it going to be called now? Octodick?

The man with eight dicks? Speaking of eight dicks, I've got a lady getting her face sucked off by an octopus coming up soon. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to come see me live, and you really should, because that's when I really get angry. A couple of drinks, and I'm in the middle of nowhere telling jokes. I really want to lash out at people when I do. Here are my dates. You can get them at nickdip.com. Saturday, August 10th

at Newtown Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, August 16th and 17th, I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club in Philly if I don't get mugged on the way there by a flash mob heading to a fucking bodega. Thursday, October 10th, Levity Live, Nyack, New York, where I was sucker punched by a girl in Birkenstocks. Friday, November 15th, the Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York. Saturday, November 16th, the Comedy Works, Saratoga Springs, New York. New Year's Eve, I'll be back at the beautiful Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. Saturday, November 16th, The Comedy Works, Saratoga Springs, New York. New Year's Eve,

I'll be back at the beautiful Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. Friday, January 24th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. That's of 2020. Saturday, February 15th, 2020,

Kelsey Theater, Lake Park, Florida. Go to nickdip.com and we'll be adding more dates. And folks, Cameo, it slows down in the summer, but I'm getting a little upset here because I love being mean in little videos and sending them out to people. Go to Cameo.com.

If you want me to eviscerate a friend, an enemy of yours, or say happy birthday to your mom or tell your stepdad to quit touching you, I will fucking be glad to do it in a little video. Go to Cameo.com. Click on the Nick DiPaolo profile. Fill out the information. You can tell me what to say. I'll spice it up. As you see, I have that talent.

Ooh, Coke. What do we got here? Let's get to the big news. Huh? My boy Trump. I think the name of this episode is Trump trolling the Two-Faced or something like that. Two-Faced by two. I mean the squad.

You know who the squad is, right? AOC, Ilhan Omar, Tlaib, and the, who's the other? Fellas? Huh? What? I think that's it, right? No, it's not. It's stupid.

Yeah, there's one more. Okay. I can't remember. That's on me. So listen to Trump. Can we put up his tweets? He's trolling. He's playing these bitches like a violin. So interesting to see progressive, in quotes, Democrat congresswoman who originally came from countries.

By the way, out of the four, only one came from another country. I'm not even so sure he didn't do that intentionally just to get people riled. Even if he didn't, I'd love it. Do you understand what the rest of the world's upset about is why i love him and everybody else who voted for loves him uh he says uh who originally came from countries whose governments are complete and total catastrophe actually true unless you fucking want to call uh where did omar come? Somalia. No, it's a beautiful place. They're still shitting in coffee cans over there.

They still have pirate problems. We figured that out in the 18th century. Yeah, they still have pirate problems, exactly. That's a movie you'd go to see if Johnny Depp was in it. Right after you saw fucking Spider-Man, you big dick. I'm really lashing out today. I don't feel good about myself.

Who originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe, the worst, most corrupt, inept anywhere in the world, if they even have a function of government at all. Now loudly, but he's so right there. You are correct, sir. He says, now loudly and viciously telling the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful nation on earth. Again, when Trump tweets or talks, he's like me when I had to do an essay

in seventh grade. And you just fucking fill in with bullshit and filler. Tell us about the Civil War. Well, it's like all other wars. It involved guns and bayonets, and there were some people that got hurt. Anyway, and viciously telling the people of the United States the greatest and most powerful nation on earth how our government is to be run. And he's right on. I don't give a fuck. I don't care if your little feelings are hurt. Why don't they go back?

This is where people went nuts because, you know, the old phrase, the racist, go back to Africa. We've been hanging on that one. You know, I get in a fight with a wife and go, go back to the kitchen. And she goes, go back to the bedroom where you fucking might learn something. Oh! So why don't they go back and help fix the totally broken and

crime-infested places from which they came, then come back and show us. So people are going, he's just telling women of color to go back to their own country. And again, only ones from not... I wonder if he started yelling at his people, how'd you let me put that out? He's just telling women of color to go back to their own country. And again, only once from not from. I wonder if he started yelling at his people.

How'd you let me put that out? Well, you're on the toilet at three in the morning texting this shit. How the fuck are we going to stop you? Trying to get rid of those three fucking Burger King meals you had at 2 a.m. But how do I feel about it greatest president ever bar none I hope this show is riling the shit out of you people well you people actually who are watching think like me

then go back and show us how it's done these places need your help badly you can't leave fast enough I'm sure that Nancy Pelosi would be very happy to quickly work out free travel arrangements. This is what, what, did she know William Shatner? Fucking, uh,

this is, this is what he's doing. He's, you know there's a rift between Pelosi, right, and the young four douchebags who actually called her racist. So he's playing on that rift. He's throwing gas on the fire. And they, and he sits home. He's throwing gas on the fire. And he sits home. He's just like a violin.

And you guys take the bait every time because you're so ignorant and wrapped up in identity politics, and he knows that's where you breathe. I'm sorry. This was a reply from just somebody following up on the tweets, and I'm including it because it was exactly what I thought. Put up the – this is just some Sabrina Schneibel. because it was exactly what I thought. Put up the, this is just some Sabrina Schneibel.

Oh my God, Ilan Omar would hate this Jewish broad. She said, I'm sorry, but I must be missing the racism in the post. He's telling them to stop trying to run our government like the country of origin was ran because it sucks. Correct. That will be the reason why themselves. Jesus, she needs a little help with her grammar. That would be the reason why themselves. Jesus, she needs a little help with her grammar. That would be the reason why themselves fled. I'm missing the problem.

So am I, Sabrina. Give me a call. I'll take you out for coffee. Then, of course. Ah, my shoulder. Then, of course, you know who had to weigh in? The fucking 29-year-old broad who was making martinis in Westchester County, New York, about eight minutes ago.

Now she's a representative. I have hash in here this morning. Think that's why I'm being so... AOC unloads on Trump after he tells progressive congresswoman to go back to home country. Mr. President, said the little witch, the country I come from and the country we all swear to is the United States Ocasio-Cortez road. That's just funny in itself. She's gone, the United States, then it's Ocasio slash Cortez slash spicy food slash wetback. But given how you've destroyed our border with inhumane camps, listen, you dumb slit.

Your party just destroyed the border. OK, they're not even arguing that point. He was about to give amnesty to fucking DACA kids, if you don't remember. point he was about to give amnesty to fucking daca kids if you don't remember okay it's loopholes that the democratic house doesn't want to close you know rules like if you put your foot on american soil and you're holding a fucking doll or a baby that's been passed around uh you can come in so number one you created the crisis you right. It was a manufactured crisis created by your party. God, she has to be smarter than this. But given how you've destroyed our border with inhumane camps, all out of benefit to you and the core who profit off them,

you are absolutely right about the corruption laid at your feet. And I say to you, young lady, I say to you, please. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. A nice big one. She's blaming Trump for this. Can you fucking imagine? Okay, Obama was putting people in cages

and separating families. Okay, so stop with your fucking disingenuous or just plain ignorance. One or the other. You're not qualified. Ocasio-Cortez continued, you are angry because you don't believe in America where I represent New York 14.

We're the good people of Minnesota elected Ilhan. You're making Trump's point for him. With people of Minnesota voting great people like Ilhan Omar and fucking Al Franken where

Rashid Tlaib fights for Michigan families who look like her and cook goat's head for breakfast where Ayanna Pressley champions little girls in Boston and who's decriminalizing shoplifting. You mean shit like that?

Fuck off. You are angry because you can't conceive of an America that includes us. Jesus Christ, you're in Congress. You're included. You dumb witch. I cleaned it up for the kids. Can you imagine? You rely on a frightened America for your plunder.

Who's doing all the fear mongering? The Republicans or you? And you said it was a manufactured crisis six months ago. You said Trump was manufacturing it. But I didn't hear you say that once the Caribbean started showing up. And let me just say this to you people who are believing about the detention centers being filthy and shit. It's like if a thousand people rang your fucking doorbell at nine o'clock this morning and said, we want in. And you fucking squeezed them into your little house.

Then they're complaining that there's no food and the toilets are dirty. That's the best metaphor I can. We have no obligation to take care of the rest of the world. They're doing the best metaphor I can, we have no obligation to take care of the rest of the world, they're doing the best they can, and every time you open your fucking goo-gobbling fucking gullets and shit on the people that work at the border, it just shows how anti-American you are, people who are putting their lives on the line, and they're trying to stop the sex trafficking and the child shit that goes on because of policies that you okay. This is why Trump's going to walk through the door in 2020, I hope. I hope, again, if the mainstream media didn't help propagate this horse shit,

but because Google's involved and they're going to censor guys like me and people much more high profile than me with my point of view, you guys will always have a shot it's so funny to see deke with his stupid uh weed selling hat that a 14 year old black kid would be wearing whispering to jay like he's a lawyer he'll be the new he'll be the new James Bond villain. Jesus, you're relentless, huh? Even after you prove you're unfunny, you just keep, I'm not going to give you that much. Persistent. Unbelievable.

Oh, I just, I can't listen to any more. Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Will you shut up? Shut up! Shut up? Ilhan Omar, the first Somali native proving that we're racist, elected to Congress, and one of its first Muslim women, was born in Somalia, but spent much of her child in a Kenyan refugee camp as the Civil War tore apart her shithole home. And it's why she's here. And

we accept her with open arms. And now she's in Congress, one of the most powerful women. Yet she still pisses all over the country that accepted her. Rashid Tlaib, one of the most hateful. She's from Michigan. Okay? The first Palestinian American, that was a nice going Michigan woman in Congress, was born in Detroit.

Aniana Presley, the first black woman elected to the House of Massachusetts, was born in Cincinnati and should go back there and legalize shoplifting there. But you know what? The rub of it all is, Mr. President, Ocasio-Cortez concluded, on top of not accepting an America that elected us, you cannot accept that we don't fear you either. You can't accept that we will call your bluff and offer a positive vision for this country. And that's what makes you see. You fucking whore. Problem? You're the fucking problem.

You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. Jason, you put one more picture up that I said not to put up,

I'm going to come over there and punch you right in your little white head. Do you have a problem with authority? Seriously. No. I told you I didn't need that, right? Did I not? You did.

So why'd you put it up? I thought it fit. So you just ignored what your boss told you. We're going to have a talk after the show. No, go ahead. Talk into the mic. No, I got nothing else. Yeah, exactly.

So you just overruled what I told you. My show, I said, I don't need that picture. And you just said, fuck it. I'm putting it up anyway. I guess. There you go. You got a problem. Dora, get Dora on the line.

She will tan your little pimpled bottom, goddammit. I text him this week. It doesn't even answer me back. He goes, I was traveling. No, you don't have a... Your phone wasn't with you before you got on the plane or after? You fucking... God, help me. Our father, who art in heaven, Before you got on the plane or after? You fucking...

God, help me. Our father, who art in heaven. Omar accused Trump of stoking white nationalism and added, as members of Congress, the only country we swear an oath to is the United States, which is why we are fighting to protect it from the worst, most corrupt and inept president we have ever seen. Presley wrote, this is what racism looks like. We, this is a black woman because they have a history of ruling and being great in government, or brown women, whatever.

We are what democracy looks like. And we're not going anywhere except back to D.C. to fight for the families you marginalize and vilify every day. You mean the ones that, you mean the black ones who have lowest unemployment ever? The Mexican and brown ones who have lowest unemployment ever? The females in this country who have the lowest unemployment ever? Are those are those the ones he's marginalizing? Your dog shit PC identity politics do not match the figures.

And you're the party of science. We have empirical evidence the economy is hotter than ever. And you're just spewing your horse shit. And may you all die in a house fire tonight. Pelosi specifically told the New York Times last week that Ocasio-Cortez, Omar Presley, and Chalib have their public whatever in their Twitter world, but they didn't have any following. They are four people, and that's how many votes they got. That's what Pelosi, who actually had a moment of clarity, God bless her.

Nah, she was right on there. Don't call her that. She's a real sweetheart. Matt Walking, the deputy director of communications for Trump's 2020 election campaign, insisted the president was being misinterpreted. He says, anyone who says the president told members of Congress to go back to where they came from is lying.

No, they're not. He had some of this right. But he said he told them, this is where we start splitting hairs. He told them, then come back and show us how it's done. So he told them to come back. He told them to get out and then come back. He did. If you want to get literal.

Anyways, let's show some history of these broads, the squad, and why Trump might have a chip on his shoulder when it comes to them. But again, what he's doing is throwing gas on the fire and splitting the Democrats even further. Let's take a look at Omar, who likes to joke. She doesn't take, like, you know, the Taliban or Hamas seriously. Let's show her, you know, talking about a class she took. And you've seen this.

But this is why Trump doesn't like these. When I was in college, I took a terrorism class. Every time the protesters. First of all, thanks for you know thanks for letting people that you represent know that you know, why don't you try assimilating?

Take off the beekeeper outfit or I mean, this could be a clip from Ben Herr. As a woman in the Old Testament said. Go ahead. He said okay that he sort of like his shoulders went up and you know As a woman of the Old Testament said. Go ahead. Said Al-Qaeda. He sort of, like, his shoulders went up and, you know, Al-Qaeda.

He's talking about your parents. You don't say America with an intensity. You don't say England with an intensity. You know, you don't say. How about Kenya? Somalia? Somalia. Just an anti-American piece of

Poopoo Don't need her And then so this is why Trump probably doesn't care for the And a lot of other people don't care for him And then we have who else Talib J When your son looks at you and says mama look you won Bullies don't win

And I said baby they don't Because we're going to go in there. We're going to impeach the motherfucker. That was her first. That was her first words after she won her race. We're going to impeach the motherfucker in front of her young son, by the way. And you want us to respect them and shit. Kiss my fucking white European ass. We're going to impeach the motherfucker. Well, I wrote a little song and it goes something like this. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, a big fat sneaky cunt.

She's cunt. Said and true, but in Italy, you're a motherfucking cunt. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, a motherfucking cunt. Cunt. Everybody knows from the head to the toes, you're a big fatucking cunt. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, motherfucking cunt. Everybody knows from the head to the toes, you're a big, fat, stinking cunt. We're going to impeach the motherfucker. First words out of her mouth after she wins her race that night. Huh?

Good to see you're all on the same page. Ocasio-Cortez and House members testified about border facilities this weekend. And, of course, you know, they were appalled. Mike Pence went down there. Mike Pence, I'm not a fan. I'm sure he's a straight-laced guy and shit, but I'm sorry. He looks like, if you're going to cast a movie and cast a guy as the president of the United States, he looks like a guy doing an impression of the president with his perfectly combed white hair. But anyways, let's take a look at Ocasio-Cortez and other House members

and their take on what's going on at the border, and I will comment on these empty-headed broads. Go ahead. Much has been made about the fact that we have said that this is a manufactured crisis. And in many ways, it is manufactured and that it is wholly unnecessary. Pause. Yes, it is. And she's right about that. Your party won't close the loopholes. You keep turning on the magnet to draw these people to this country. And they're showing up in droves. And then you're yelling at the Border Patrol.

The detention centers aren't perfect. It's your part. You're manufacturing it. Look at Tlaib with that horse face next to her. Jesus, have you ever seen more ugly broads in one picture in your life? The best looking woman in there is the one in the back on the left, Shep Howard. Look at the guy on the right, the old crusty wag. He said, how the fuck did I get stuck in this horse stable?

Somebody throw these broads a sugar cube. Not only ugly, but dumb. She's kind of cute. Go ahead, Ocasio. It is unnecessary to separate children from their families. He's saying children. It is unnecessary to have a policy. You know who else did that? Your fucking hero, Barack Obama. Were you yelling about it then? And I can tell I'm not a gay fella, but that outfit's at least $700. Go ahead. To detain innocent women and families that have

harmed no person and are legally seeking asylum in the United States. They're not legally seeking asylum. Some of them are. Most of them are not. Okay? I know you believe that people sneaking over should be decriminalized, but you're wrong on about three. Three. Who's that guy on the right?

He's pissed off. on about three three who's that guy on the right he's pissed off he looks like that's the face of every guy that goes to a ball game and he's sitting behind the guy with a big foam cowboy hat god fucking damn it i'm looking at talib's back go ahead let the empty-headed woman finish states of america this is a manufactured crisis because cruelty because the cruelty is manufactured. This is a manufactured crisis. The cruelty is made. Yes, we have a cruelty factory right on the El Paso. We outsource it to fucking Mexicans and they produce little units of cruelty by the thousands. They get no bathroom breaks and we feed them nothing but fucking good cheese. by the thousands.

They get no bathroom breaks and we feed them nothing but fucking Gouda cheese. Shut your fucking pie hole. Look it, he's ready to snap her neck. That guy somehow got the wrong seat. He's getting more angry with each fucking... And look at the girl on the left

with that fucking hair. Oh my God. Nick, you're being sexist. You're shaming people. Yeah. As long as I put on TV, you can hear her bad mouthing old white guys like me and talk about it with impunity. I'm going to come back at you. I'm like Trump. I can get very petty. Go ahead. Because there is no need for us to do this. There's no need for us to overcrowd and to detain and under resource. There's no need for us to overcrowd and to detain and under-resource.

There is no need for us to arrest innocent people and treat them no differently than criminals when they are pursuing their basic human rights. To truly bring power... All she says is we want open borders. This should be... No, that's all she's saying. I, you know, Trump must have a fucking heart on. That mushroom cap must be blooming. To just be fucking, listening to these broads, I mean, oh my god.

What happened to this broad's nose? She run into a fucking brick wall on a unicycle? She's got the backup singers from fucking Beyonce next to her. Go ahead. To see what is at stake, you have to bring people in the room who can't be here. So I'm asking for Jacqueline, who was age 7.

From Guatemala, who died from sepsis while in our care. And that's our fault, you idiot. Because his parents fucking dragged him thousands of miles on a dangerous journey. Now it's our fault because he died in our care. Did you notice the word care? They wouldn't even let him in in Mexico or other countries. Fucking, oh. You can't make this up.

Go ahead. She's the same age as my son when I heard about it. She's trying to cry, but she can't because she's a phony. Mr. Speaker, we do have a crisis at our border. Try pulling a nose hair out. And it's one of morality. As we have seen this current strategy unfold, intentional and cruelly created by the Trump administration

does that. Oh, you fucking filthy whore. I'm sending a hate-filled message that those seeking refuge are not welcome in America and are America. And that the rule of law... That's enough. I can't listen anymore. You're a liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, and you know it.

I can't listen anymore. These are people that represent our country. I still laughed at Trump's and go back to your. And only one of them is for another. Oh, my God, that must infuse. The world is on fire about this. It proves there's a racist in the White House and shit. What's it prove when she says, let's impeach the motherfucker?

Does that prove anything? You want to say something? Oh, I was mistaking your hat for a question mark. I can't. Let's lighten it up, huh? No right now okay go ahead give me a super jet I got two quick ones um Chris uh Chris James said love your show keep it up you should and I try to keep it up but I lost my blue pills go ahead and then we got we got 10 bucks from hate speaker Sargon Avocado he said here's 10 bucks buy some metamucil sargon avocado thank you

i do do i do metamucil i fucking i didn't have it i was at rich's house i had to eat dirt and rocks and it binded me metamucil is the best everything put that in your juice the night before my god you'll be 11 feet off the toilet passing shit that you ate in fifth grade. I found crayons and paste one day. Yeah? Anything? All right. You keep leaning forward. All right. Let's lighten it up.

Anybody else like calamari like I do? I know this broad does. She won't even cook it. She's so hungry. Put it in a pot, Tisha. No. I want it raw. Danger, Will Robinson.

Danger. No, Will Robinson. Danger. Looks like she's pulling him out of her nose. Never mind Godzilla movies. This is the giant fucking squid that ate Tin Chow. Oh, you can't cry. There's no crying in fishing.

She's adorable, by the way. Oh, look at that. Holding one of Mike Pence's testicles. What? What did she think was going to happen? She had a zit. She was trying to get rid of it. And apparently it sucked her brain out.

That's my favorite. This is what the internet is good for. This is all that should be on the internet. Look at it. It's going up her fucking nose. Octopus is like, yeah, bite me, bitch. This is why i don't eat sushi this happened to me twice when i was living in westchester why couldn't that be to leave at home in front of her kids okay look at that it's good for you it gets. It gets rid of wrinkles around your eyes.

But here's why I like this little girl. She actually said, you notice when she finally get it off her face, she's still holding it in her hand like American chicks would be like, ah! She's still holding it like it doesn't even bother her. And secondly, she says she's going to do it again. I would like to meet this girl. She's into some crazy shit. It says, since the video did not take long to go viral, we're guessing that almost everyone who saw it felt the same way. At first, she seems to find it funny, too,

even telling the audience to take a closer look at how hard the octopus was sucking. I had nickel time every time I said that. a closer look at how hard the octopus was sucking. I had nickel time every time I said that. She cannot remove the octopus no matter how hard she tries. However, this relief does not last long. She realized the octopus did some serious damage to her face.

She regularly uploads videos of herself eating seafood and was clay trying to attain a certain level of fame. But how about this? She says she's going to do it again. She says... Now, why didn't they make her the new James Bond? I mean, that proves it right there.

That's like a screen test. No, I get it. That could have been a screen test for Octopussy 2. I see where you're going, Rich. You're much funnier in your apartment when you're fucking smoking cigarettes and... You want to do the show from there? Huh? If we can do the show from there.

Yeah, then someone's going to get any fucking funny lines out of you. You have to move all the equipment to his bedroom. He's very comfortable in his apartment apartment you're not allowed in my bedroom i was in there when you were out fucking outside smoking i did something to your pillow probably an octopus under it oh god strike three fucking you get caught looking boy does tommy have a point You suck the wind out of this. Not out of the studio, out of the state.

Look, he's getting all serious now. What do you think you're going to be discovered as a comic on this show? No, I just, you know, this has been a dream of mine. And I feel like the Shriners kids. Oh, that was good. No crickets in that one. Very good. That was self-deprecating.

Feels like the Shrine. Who, the little kid with jail on her face? People like you can make people like me. If you send us $200,000 in the next minute, I'll give you an adorable $6 blanket. I like that kid. By the way, he's still doing them and his voice is deeper than like fucking James Earl Jones now. He's like, we'll send you this blanket, motherfuckers. It adorable. Anyways, this might be the best Monday show ever. Between Rich's funny remarks and Jason just totally ignoring me on air with no respect,

Deke with his fucking Jamaican weed hat, and the beautiful Heather, Rich's girlfriend, sitting there like a queen in that chair. You should probably leave me after the show. Why is that? No, you had a good night. I think you're very funny. Thank you. after the show.

Why is that? No, you had a good night. I think you're very funny. Thank you. Anyways. Let's get on to some more. How about this? This is our new category in the show.

We're going to make a graphic for it. I'll leave it up to Jason. Well, I'll actually give it to D because he's just going to ignore it because he's probably going to get a bowling league tonight. But driver scene attack.

This is going to be called BB&B, Blacks Behaving Badly. And white people do too. We'll get to them soon. But the point is these things never get covered on the mainstream media, unlike every time a white guy looks at somebody differently. We see it on a loop on CNN. Driver scene attack in florida hotel owner about a parking spot and uh as you know we did the disneyland thing last week and that thing's got

75 000 views or whatever and um my point being is i like to comment on this shit and i don't have much to say here because i think it speaks for itself. But remember Michelle Obama said when who was in office? Bush before? It's a mean country. Yeah, well, we've showed about eight of these in the last ten minutes. Here's the video. Go ahead, Jason. Guys, there you go.

That's the woman who's going to be the new James Bond beating up the old James Bond. A lot of guts. 70-year-old white guy. Just fucking beautiful. Just beautiful. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Police in Florida said they're looking for a man who was spotted on surveillance video.

You call him a man, really? Allegedly attacking a hotel owner over a parking spot earlier this year. Hollywood Police Department released a video on Friday showing the hotel owner speaking to the suspect who then started beating the 69-year-old man. Well, he had to. He's a young black guy and he's an all-white guy. It's amazing how people can do that. Plus, I was a senior citizen.

The owner, who identified himself as Rudy, told this TV station, next year I'm going to be 70 years old. Rudy, who owns the Shoe of You Hotel, told the television station that the drivers who weren't guests at the hotel still used the parking lot often. People park in our spaces even though it says tow away and everything else, he said. They'll park in our private property and go to the beach. Rudy told the station he asked the man not to park in a clearly marked parking spot on the property after he showed up on May 25th.

I asked him very kindly if he would move, he said, adding that the suspect told him he was not going to move his car. He's like, Jason, he doesn't listen to authority. He told me that when he comes to Hollywoodwood he parks wherever the fuck he wants to you know reparations and whatnot when i saw he was that hostile i turned around and went to get my cell phone out of the office to call the police he said rudy said when he came back out of the office the suspect was smoking a joint just a good hard, hardworking kid, you know. He told me that because I was so nice to him, he would go ahead and leave.

But after he finished his, but after he finished his joint. So Rudy said, I told him you can't smoke because I got a hotel full of people and kids here. The smell's everywhere. You can't do that. Rudy said it looked as if the suspect was going to leave, but instead he attacked. Before I know it, he came up behind me, sucker punched me. And the video showed the man punching the hotel and repeatedly Rudy was seen kneeling on the ground trying to protect himself. And, yeah.

So that's America that we live in right now. You can act like a man. What's the matter with you? Ah, what a country, huh? It's all the melting pot. Everything's coming together beautifully. We're all holding hands, singing Kumbaya and you know.

You get Congresswoman. People have voted to represent the people that hate this country. I don't care what you say. Put all your left-wing spin on it, you can. And we have race problems. But again, we don't. When you get out in the real world, like where I live down here, you see black and white people doing everything together and stuff.

But there's enough of these videos to know there's a serious problem. And I wonder if those people that bum-rushed the flash mob in Philly, remember? The Wal-Mart or Walgreens, whatever it was. I wonder if anybody's been arrested. I wonder if this guy's been arrested. It's not like we have him on video doing it.

Jesus Christ. That's all I got today, folks. Just wanted to end it on a light note. An old white man being beaten silly because of a Parkinson's. That's all I got today, folks. Just wanted to end it on a light note. An old white man being beaten silly because of a Parkinson's. That's all I got. Kids, anything to add? Rich, anything to add? Great show.

Thank you. Heather? Heather's not on the mic. Heather gives it a thumbs up. Deke, anything? No, you did a great job, boss. You don't have to suck my ass. Just, is there's anything

you wanted to add. Jason, what are your plans this weekend? I have to know now so I can fucking hire three other people to do your job. Whatever they are,

they don't involve the Nick DiPaolo show. There we go. You got that right. Tommy will take care of that after the show. Anyways, that is it.

We appreciate you guys tuning in. Remember, on Mondays, it's always free on YouTube and Facebook and Snapchat. I'm just making up shit. You know what Snapchat is. Sounds very dirty. Anyhow, remember, you guys think it. I will say it. You're very welcome, and we appreciate your support. We'll see you

people who are subscribers at patreon.com. We'll see you guys the next tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday, all right? Have a good day, everybody. Talk to you tomorrow. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 ¶¶ We'll be right back. I'm out.