The Nick DiPaolo Show - TX County: "It's an Invasion" | Nick Di Paolo Show #1235

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

Texas county declares invasion at border. Tik Tok propoganda for Biden. More sexual indoctrination for children. WTF is vabbing? Street justice in Brazil. Sex sells, volleyball doesn't.

The ass, the ass. Vote Senator Mac. Vote Senator Mac. She stole that from Mitch McConnell. Oh yeah, how are you folks? Welcome to the show on a Wednesday. It's more than hump day, actually, since we work a European work week. The country's headed to it, apparently. People are talking about that. I won't push against that one. I never understood why, who decided that. We get put on this planet, you're lucky enough to be in, and who says you're going to spend two-thirds of it working? I mean,

come on. Sometimes I look at homeless people, I'm like, other than the heroin and the lice and that, they have the right idea. I could eat fucking garbage and drink Preston. I've done it. Have you ever been to Arby's? Anyways, before we get started, I want to thank you guys for watching. The show is really starting to grow again, and it's thanks to you freedom-loving Americans, not the celebrity assholes on the West Coast. The best way to support this show is by subscribing monthly through the Patreon or the Comics Gym, where you'll get the exclusive Encore episode each day. That's an extra story that nobody else gets.

We've got a great Encore show today. I talk about, it backs my theory about cute girls doing anything to get on the internet. They'll do a selfie, and this girl is the definition. She's a nurse. She's a narcissist. It's really going to disgust you. Stay tuned for that, would you? You better. Subscribe now to see it and to support the show. And thanks again, ladies and gentlemen. at one in the morning, I got off the couch and ate six Pop-Tarts.

And then about 15 minutes later, I went for a bag of chips. I don't know what I'm trying to do. The wife says, am I going to have to put a camera in the kitchen like they do obese, binge-eating people and shit? I said, if you want to see me yanking one, that's where I'd do it, next to the fridge. Anyways, who doesn't? That's what I'm saying. What do we got for the top story today? Texas County, I think it's Kinney County, declares invasion. Well, it's about time.

This should have been declared what? Years ago? I'm talking 20 at a minimum. Kinney County, Texas declared the existence of an invasion. Why is it in quotes? It's an invasion along the Texas border with Mexico. The declaration calls on Texas Governor Greg Abbott to also acknowledge the existence of an invasion on our border with Mexico. I'm glad the guy's doing this because I don't trust Abbott. He says all the right things and stuff, you know, makes appearances every few months. We're going to stop this and that.

But he said a lot of crap that makes me think he's a rhino. So I want to see if he puts his money where his mouth is. This guy wants to put it in writing that it's invasion, which probably means we can respond militarily. I'm no cop and no soldier, but I think I know that. Cinco other countries spoke in support of Kinney County's declaration. County officials from Uvalde, heard of that. Kinney, Terrell, or Terrell, if it's a black county, I say Terrell. Medina, Burnett, and Goliad counties.

Met in Brackettville. Right next to parentheses. Good night, everybody. Tuesday afternoon to express concerns over the rapidly rising numbers of migrants illegally crossing the border from Mexico into Texas. We're finally... Oh, they look like... I love America, yes I do.

I love the Italians, the Irish, the Jews. You know, it's funny they say they're poor and running. Everybody has Nike hats and sneakers. Kiss my grits. Okay? Just kiss it. Get ready to hear a lot of that next door, folks. And I'll say it again.

Again, it's not just all Mexicans. Let's be fair here. I sort of wish it was because they are, you know, I'm a fan of the Latinos, most of them, not the ones that think they can sneak over and go, fuck you. But they're like the Italians were back in the turn of the last century. They're hardworking, religious, and the Republicans could use them. I think we've known that for a long time. These people, though, not all of them. You know how many terrorists? Seriously, wait till the first could use them. I think we've known that for a long time. These people, though, not all of them.

You know how many terrorists... Seriously, wait till the first incident, man. Biden will probably be gone. Anyways, during the month of June, Kenning County law enforcement has prevented, get this, over 67 smuggling attempts along our roadway. 67.

If that's a fact, tell me, am i lying this past weekend included the unfortunate deaths of three illegal aliens who were involved with human smuggling in kenny county that's the other thing and you know you won't see that in the mainstream media people are dying you know remember when trump was in there? Oh, my God. They're being thrown in hothouses, and it's the most dangerous. How dare he? Your policies, Biden, I don't know how many people have died because of it. They don't say a peep.

I hate you motherfuckers. Anyways, the officials have stated the county has been forced to militarize. Thank God. Our school, I hope the gun rules don't get in. Isn't it a no-gun zone? Militarize our school campuses with vehicle barriers to prevent high-speed chases from entering campus and injuring children. That's where we are in 2022.

Worrying about people from other countries here illegally running over your kids. As a Texan, this is not acceptable, County Judge Tully Shahan wrote. I don't know if that's a guy, girl, frog, pigeon. We will no longer allow the sovereignty of Texas to be invaded by the... Really? You're drawing the line at this point? Jesus Christ. To be invaded by those unwilling to obey our laws. All right, get out!

Get out! Get out! That is why today, July 5th, 2022, Kinney County, joined by several other counties on Texas borders, are declaring the existence of an invasion as used in Article 4, Section 4 of the U.S. Constitution and Article 4, Section 7 of the Texas ConstitutionS. Constitution and Article IV, Section VII of the Texas Constitution.

If anybody wants to question me, it's right there. Let me get my Texas Constitution. You think this is illegal sneaking into our country? It's not. That's just Miami on a Saturday. We are taking these steps in hopes of encouraging our governor to acknowledge this, which I, let's see what Abbott does, acknowledge the existence of an invasion on our border with Mexico and take the necessary actions to preserve and protect the sovereignty and territorial

integrity of the Texas. You're never going to do that because you know what it takes? Military action. Literally. And people laugh, like, when you bring up guns and what do you mean what? You either believe in sovereignty or you don't. If you're being invaded, it's like an act of war. I don't want to see little kids and gunned down, but you know that river came up with

a great idea. You know the river, the Rio Grande, is that the one they always walk through? Flood it with fucking crocodiles. Seriously, it'll make for great entertainment. I don't think crocodiles like spicy food. What kind of racist asshole are you? Oh, I don't know. Kiss my grits. Sorry for the language. Let's take a look at whatever. Go ahead. Oh, God, look at that. That's the border in Guinea. Ridiculous. Even cattle are coming over. All right. Is that the end of the story? Oh, goodness. I was enjoying that. I was supposed to set that up better. Anyhow, any he, any he and he by the way those cattle were illegal too i kind of want to do that running i don't want to do with bulls i want to do with like

obese lesbians you know i mean or the walking of the bull yeah yeah exactly get after the walking of the bulls. Yeah, exactly. The walking of the bulls. We did that on Chris Rock when I rode over there. We did a running of the, you know how cops are called bulls? You familiar with that term? They call cops bulls. So we did the running of the bulls in New York City. And it was a bunch of us dressed like cops chasing like black guys. Clumping them over the edge. It came out really good. Fucking show is tremendous. Anyways, what do we got next for you? Let's get, oh, President Biden.

We should talk about him. TikTok is, you know what they're doing? They're helping Biden put out that propaganda that his administration relies on. So now you got TikTok. First of all, isn't he involved enough with China? You know what I mean? A lot of people say TikTok is just another way

that China's keeping eyes on us, spying on us and shit. That's why I'm not. I like Facebook, all the girls on there. The White House is sending out, get this, pre-edited videos of President Joe Biden, are we still calling him president? To supporters so they can put them on TikTok

and other social media accounts. According to a new report, they told Joe about it. What are we doing? Shut up. What's going on right now? None of your business. It's good for you. And then his maid said,

Don't eat shit, you son of a bitch. What are we doing? CNN's Edward Isaac Dover. Oh, he's terrific. Can you imagine working for CNN? Is that him? Look at the face on this fucking Pillsbury Doughboy. Comb your hair, you dinkweed.

on this fucking Pillsbury Doughboy. Comb your hair, you dinkweed. Edward Isaac Dover reported the details of a White House call with abortion supporters in reaction to the Supreme Court ruling over Turning Row versus Wade in June. After the call, the White House sent them a list of talking points. In other words, the TikTok people.

Sent them a list of talking points. Who says big tech and the Dems aren't hand in hand, huh? And suggestions of Biden's speech clips to share on TikTok, according to the report. That's brilliant, because he comes across so good. It can only help. I say flood the zone with his shit. People will realize just how retarded he is. The behind-the-scenes details of the clumsy communications efforts by the White House illustrate a growing sense of anger and frustration from activists. Activists work so closely with the White House about Biden's failure to meet the moment on the issue of abortion. What did you want him to do?

Run to Planned Parenthood with a flamethrower and kill all the fucking pro-lifers out front? What do you get? The report also notes that Biden tends to berate. He's just an angry old man. There he is, that piece of cheese. That Biden tends to berate advisors when he's unhappy with the old man there he is that piece of cheese that biden tends to berate advisors when he's unhappy with the direction of his president you can hear him yelling right to the walls they

say pelosi's like suck my dick and yes i. That's a good, that's actually a perfect. In March, White House press secretary, my old girlfriend, Jen Psaki, and again, I don't know why, but I'd stick it in there. Not with that picture. No, that's like Conan O'Brien taking a dump. I don't like that. Press secretary Jen Psaki held a briefing on Ukraine with TikTok stars, an exercise that was marked by NBC Saturday Night Live comedy show. They also work with a TikTok comedian, remember this, back in August, to film a video of a cross-dressing intern working at the White House to promote the coronavirus vaccine.

But he was really, I always thought the real guy was like a, whatever. Can I just say something? Trigger warning for you guys who still have testicles and enjoy pussy. This is going to send it. You remember this. We show this on the show before, but I'll say it again. This makes people pro-bullying. This makes people pro-homophobic. This type of garbage here. Gay people don't like this shit. I'm praying. Let's take a look. One sec. Democracy's calling. See you daddy. Bye. Hi, my name is Cooper and this is a day in my life as a White House intern. We did it, Joe.

Hey everyone. Fuck. Fucking quiz! Again, not anti-gay, but I'm anti-whatever that is. How about that? You guys can name it, and then call him whatever the fuck you want. That guy deserves to have a pile of AIDS in his eggs. Nick, come on.

I'm just joking a little bit. In December, the White House also put Biden in a video with the Jonas Brothers, because boy, they go together like peanut butter and jelly, riffing off a popular TikTok meme about the president. And I got to be honest with you, I kind of, I like the voices they dubbed in for the Jonas. It's like a nine-year-old black guy. He's got a horse. And you're saying, why are they doing this? Well, you know, it's very important. They think we're going to go, wow. Biden's, you know, he's up to date. He's on TikTok

and, you know what I mean? Guy doesn't know how to use a fucking toaster. You know what I mean? And we're supposed to believe, look at this guy. Hip as the day is long. Even though he says words like malarkey, dog face, pony soldier. Check out the Jonas. I don't even know who they are.

I keep hearing about the Jonas. I don't know if they, what are they, musicians? Go ahead. Bing Byron. Are you vaccinated? Yes, sir. Hey, who's the president, man? Who's the president?

Byron. Who's the president? Byron. What do you want to tell Joe Byron right now sup baby take me out the day do we get it we got it Oh God help me that's what I think of that, Joseph. He's so funny. Joe Biden's quick.

He writes a lot of shit. Poor guy. Like I said, he's not just old for the president. He's not a good 78. Let's put it this way. Hunter will have more brain cells when he's that age, if he makes it that far. Then Joseph, he was never bright. He's a fucking idiot even when he was young Everything he said back in the 70s and 80s and 90s. He's been contradicting over and over

He lied back then about where he graduated in his class at law school He called he plagiarized. He's just a phony piece of garbage And you people not you people the people that we don't like, you should apologize to the nation. Really. Patton Oswalt, you should apologize. People still like you. You get a nice audience.

Get on there and go, I'm sorry. All the people we've been calling bigots are actually smarter than me. Okay? Okay. Hey, I want to remind you guys, I want to introduce you again. I don't know how many times I'm going to say introduce. To ShoutOut. ShoutOut is a lot like

Cameo, but it's filled with liberty-loving American talents. You can go there to get a personalized message from people like Stephen Crowder or Dennis Prager, Lara Logan, or Nick DiPaolo. The fuck is that?

That's right. I'm available on ShoutOut now to record a personalized video for you or your friends or family. The platform is owned and supported by people like us, and it's super easy to use. Just go to the App Store on your phone and search for the Shout Out app. You'll see this logo right there. And then just look for Nick DePaul and let me know who you like me to roast or celebrate or whatever. For more information, you can also go to shoutout.fans and see what it's all about. Order one today and thank you guys in advance. You got a beard, Dallas.

How do you keep it from tickling your nut? You ever get that? I did. You just got to grow the stash long enough for it to go out and not up. It's been two years. What am I, an 11-year-old Greek girl? For the love of God, it's tickling me. Cocaina.

Let me tell you something. Fuck Mitch McConnell. And fuck, they're fucking them, brothers. Anyway, speaking of Democrats, you know what else is going on, folks? As they distract us with all the other baloney. Sexual indoctrination of children. Sexual indoctrination of children. It'sctrination it's continuing as we speak uh why do you say that well i read this uh a washington state right away you stop there and go oh jay

inslee's the governor stupidest man on the planet one of the stupidest top five at least and um you think you would think washington state would be like real red. You know what I mean? A lot of white supremacist groups up there practicing on the hills. That's what we were already told. I had never seen that. A Washington State school board director who owns a sex shop is making headlines after announcing she will teach sex education classes for children as young as nine on topics such as sexual anatomy for pleasure. Why don't you just wait a few years? They'll figure it out on their own. I was about 10, I think, or 11. I came home from, I'll never forget it. I came home, I had a wet bathing

suit on and I had an erection and I kept touching it. It felt great. All of a sudden, I got all warm and itchy. Haven't stopped since. I still put on the wet bandage, though, just to have memories. Oh, nostalgia as I spray my pillow like Tom Carvell doing a fudgy the whale cake. Anyways, you know what I mean? Let them, another year or two, they're going to,

girls figure it out early. Girls now reach in puberty at like seven and eight. I saw a baby in a stroller, full goatee, big tits. All that should go. Anyways, anatomy for pleasure, she's going to teach. These people, kids nine or so,

after sex and safer sex practices for all kinds of sexual acts. Let me ask you a question. What kind of unsafe sex practice would a nine-year-old be doing? Some of them don't even have hair on their pencil yet. You're not fooling anybody, you little... She's a little whore and a little piece of trash. Cut her fucking throat. The class for nine to twelve-year-olds is an introduction to topics related to relationships, puberty, bodies, and sexuality. They don't tell you, you know, they'll say, no, no, no, if you're attracted to Diane, Pam, go get her. Yummy, yummy. That type of shit. Which, again, I approve of after 18. Yeah.

We focus on what makes healthy versus unhealthy friendships and romantic relations. They'll figure it out. Who do you think you are? The parents are supposed to handle that, by the way. They don't

talk about the birds and the bees. Now don't say talk about the birds and the bees. Now it's the birds and the birds and the bees and the fucking cattle. Pigeons and the horses. It's a mess out there. Unhealthy friendships and romantic relationships. The science of how puberty works.

Well, here's how it works. You go to bed one night and you got no hair on your balls or whatnot and you sound like a Gamache Brady. Then you get up the next day and all of a sudden you got a giant fucking shrub and you sound like Bea Arthur after a pack of cigarettes. It's terrific. And you get all the girls.

Puberty works, consent and personal boundaries. You know what this is, don't you? The young boys are going to be told, no, no, no, that's all this is. They think they're full of people. This is just such an intentional effort to reverse everything that we've done in this country and how it was taught.

Anyways, defining sex and discussing why people may or may not choose to engage in sexual activities. Well, here's a hint. You're raping me. This is rape! This is rape! This is rape! They'll pound that home to the young boys. Jen Mason, owner of sex shop Wink Wink. That's her? Pleasure is ours. This is her sex shop

which I like the name. Come one, come all. I'd open a competitive store right next to her called come on my face just take take all the cleverness out of it just to one-up her anyways wink wink in Bellingham and and she's a school board director for the Bellingham because that's perfect She owns a sex shop and she's going to educate, in charge of educating your kids. The classes which Mason will teach are broken down by age with 9 to 12-year-olds in one class and 13 to 17-year-olds in another class.

Class topics include, what is sex? Wow, you're really, really hitting them. These kids today, what are you, they're watching. And between Frozen, they're watching LatinaHousewives.org. What are you?

It's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Kinds of solo and partnered sexual activities. Sexual anatomy for pleasure and reproduction. What else is it for? Gender and sexual identities. Oh, you won't be a ton of pro, you know, trans stuff. Safer sex practices for all kinds of sexual activities,

among others. Stay away from the sheep and what? Anyways, I had a teacher when I was in high school who taught us a lot of stuff. He got busted later on. We got some, somebody filmed him. I went to a private school, my cousin. The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate so that the penis can penetrate more easily. Can we have a window open, please, sir?

Yes, Harris, will you? And, of course, to cause the band's penis to erect and harden. Fucking police. Cause the penis to harden. Love them. Wink Wink is described as a woman-owned identity-inclusive sex shop. I thought it was called Come On, Come On. Help me with this. Sex positive, the shop that is sex positive, body positive, as opposed to those other sex shops. You know what I mean? That frown on sex and you walk in and they go, nice needle dick, shithead, get out of here.

That is sex body positive and gender affirming, while the Uncringe Academy is advertised as offering honest, supportive, and inclusive sex education classes to help young people of all genders and sexual identities understand this important part of their lives. Keyword being their lives. That's faggot stuff. You want to call it by its name, that's strictly for fags. I don't know what you're talking about, but sure. Mason also describes sex as something with no set definition.

Here we go again. You guys see we're taking apart life as we know it? It's like we have a woman, a black Supreme Court justice who couldn't defy the word woman. It's all, folks, it's just... Describes sex as something with no set definition. I would love to run in there, grab her tits, and just squirt a load all over her neck. Was that close enough for sex?

Arguing that one person's definition of sex can vary from another's. It's my wife's birthday today, by the way. Happy birthday, honey. Happy birthday, honey. Happy birthday, honey. Should have said that probably seven hours ago. But I'll see you next week. I'm going to Vermont to play lacrosse.

Mason made headlines earlier this week when Wink Wink announced a queer youth open mic night. Boy, did I bomb. Two Jews walk into a bar for children ranging from ages zero. That's what it says, folks.

From zero to 18 at the sex shop. I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. That killed. I close with that. Mason serves as a board director for the Bellingham School District, but the upcoming sex education classes will be held in her personal capacity

as a local business owner, not as a school official. That's how she gets around it. Woo, good thinking. Come one, come all. Like to see a bunch of young black kids bum rush that place let's move on in a related story the headline scent of a woman i came up with it the latest dating phenomenon is uh a marriage of vagina and dabbing which as the name implies involves using vaginal fluids as a scent. Supposedly, the modern-day love potion will attract potential partners

due to the pheromones present, or at least that's what hordes of ladies who vab believe that it does. You know, you just a little, you go... Okay, so they believe it attracts men and stuff. You know, you just a little, you go. Okay, so they believe it attracts men and stuff. Well, good luck getting home when you're walking through that dark alley. You mama Lukes, where do you live? Disneyland?

On TikTok, hashtag vaping has garnered nearly 682,000 views. Make it 682,001. I went there and I was hoping to see some actual vaping going on. Nothing. Many featuring clips of women experimenting with makeshift perfume. I think it works, honestly. Because I remember after I go running, my balls are all sweaty.

I used to go like this. I couldn't keep the broads off me for the next month. Oh, my God, the pheromones. One woman claimed men kept staring at her even while they were on dates. Yeah, that's because you had a piece of fucking spinach in your teeth and a booger hanging out. Others touted the hack as genius. Vabbing burst into the mainstream back in 2019 when author Shan Boodram, again, I couldn't

tell you if that's a girl or a guy. I'm guessing a girl. Champion, you don't know today. Guys have snatch. Champion, the sticky scent. Why are you going to be gross about it? It's just natural. It's delicious. I'll take that over a protein bar or anything. But it's not as tacky as it seems. The idea behind vabbing is that vaginal fluids contain pheromones, which make you more attractive to potential partners. Although there is a lack of official studies of how the smell works in human sexual activity. You know, giraffes. They go fucking, they got big necks put down. According to New York-based

board-certified dermatologist Dr. Blair Murphy Rose, she was quoted as saying, Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy. And I mean, who's to argue? We cannot say for sure based on these studies that human pheromones

affect human mating behavior. Dr. Murphy-Rolls told the Post, noting that most research has been done using animals, not humans. While some may argue they have anecdotal evidence to suggest a significant effect in attracting a mate via one's pheromones, we just don't have the hard, no pun intended, data to back it up at this point. And they asked her vagina to comment. My vagina's angry. All right, bitch, take it easy.

It is. It's pissed off. Is it? It smells like it's happy. In 2021, researchers in Egypt... You know, the country that throws gay people off roofs, maybe not. Yeah, they do. I conclude that previous pheromone phenomenon studies are weak, noting that unlike most other mammals, humans, over there, they still piss on fire hydrants and shit.

You know, the girls come in and the guys. I have large and complex brains in which pheromones play minor roles in attraction. We asked Uncle Junior to weigh in on this. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? I don't know.

Good morning, ladies. I thought that was rude on his part. So I said, tell us another one. A guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I guess I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he asks. Don't you have a vase? I'm using that on my wife's birthday.

I'm going to come home with a birthday. I'm going to come home. She's going to feed me the right line. Let's listen to the girl that believes in all this. Okay, we need to talk about vabbing because I've seen one too many ads for pheromone perfume. And that's not it. I'm going to tell you why. Pheromones are like a secreted chemical hormone. And every person's pheromones smell different to different people. And in the wild, animals like secrete their pheromones to attract mates and i swear if you

vab it's in your ass attract people like a day a one night stand or you'll just get free drinks all night elwood should have been teaching babbing instead of the bend and snap it's more effective and you're just gonna have to hear me out trust me get up there give them a swipe i'll do it to be like fresh out of the shower clean, but relatively clean. Yeah, you don't. Dab, vab, behind the ears, on the wrists, maybe a little on the neck. I don't know what they're putting in pheromone perfume, but it can't replicate your own smell and your own personalized chemicals.

Proceed with caution. I'm getting turned on by this. I'm all for it. Put it on your neck. That way it won't have to go out on you. I'm lazy. I'll just go, ah, your fucking eardrums are delicious. I'm going to rub some of my own load on the back of my neck. You know what it does? It keeps flies away. Good night, everybody. I don't know what I'm talking about. Oh, God. Is this the final story?

what I'm talking about. Oh God, is this the final story? Nope. Oh my God, better pick up the pace. Let's change it from babbing to smacking. I found this little clip, I stumbled over it and I couldn't, I just enjoyed, I call it justice. People love shit like, by the way, I saw a clip last night from a bodega, I think it was New York. I think it was, I'm pretty sure, it doesn't matter,? I think it was New York. I think it was, I'm pretty sure, it doesn't matter, but I think it was New York. Anyways, I didn't show it because I can't remember if we can show violent, I know you can't show it on YouTube, but you would have loved this.

Old bodega, folks, is like a convenience store in the city. Old guy that worked behind the counter, beard. He looked like from the Middle East maybe or Jew. I don't know, but old. Black kid comes behind, T-shirt, Nike. Nike, by the way, official logo of thugs.

He comes behind, young black kid, pushes the guy, the old guy, you know, onto like a chair or whatever the fuck. And he's berating the guy. And then he, I should have showed this. I'm explaining. But then he grabs the old guy by the collar and starts walking him out,

and the old guy grabs a knife right into the kid's neck, ends up killing the guy. The end of the video is like this. He's got blood on his hands, and he doesn't even look, you know he might have been

from the middle, didn't even look disheveled. Just, yeah. And Carla Quinn always told me that they don't play that. A lot of immigrants It's true. We've seen many clips where like old Chinese ladies are smacking a kid with a bat and shit.

I mean you can get killed obviously but that was, here's some justice, not as gory, but I guess I could have showed you the one I did. But this is in Brazil. Brazil's known for a little bit of violence here. I'll read it to you in Spanish because the tweet was in Spanish originally. I'll read it and then we'll show it. Is that how we should do it? You have English after that? Yeah. Then we'll show.

Here we go. First of all, in Spanish, un ladrón a borde de una motocicleta y con pistola en mano intento asaltar a una pared de peatones, pero nunca espero esa reacción. Not bad. In English, what did I just say?

A thief on a motorcycle and with a gun in his hand tried to rob a couple of pedestrians, peatones. Pero nunca, but never expected that reaction. Let's take a look at what happened. That looks like a guy who works at an emergency room. That guy's got a gun on the bike. See it? And this is, look at this.

It's a bad criminal. Oh, my goodness. Ow! Oh! Oh! Ah! Look, there's a rat. I see a rat. Now he's going to get pistol whipped with his own gun.

Oh, you had enough? All right. All right. Oh, what am I saying? It's me. Anyways, so I did it in Spanish. I did it in English. In black speak, American black speak. You got knocked the fuck out, man. Anyways, that's justice. Finally tonight in a related, well, kind of related. They like soccer in Brazil.

Is that Brazil I just showed? Yeah. I always confuse Brazil and some other place. Anyways, the headline is, Sex sells, volleyball sucks. Volleyball? Oh, I thought she was a soccer player. Volleyball.

Is she volleyball? I was going to say, sex sells, volleyball doesn't. Key elves. That's K-E-Y. What a horrible name. I was going to say, sex sells, volleyball doesn't. K.E.Y. That's K-E-Y. What a horrible name. Elves is now in her third year of professional volleyball.

However, she has highlighted the fact that once again, Jesus Christ, that athletes often do not get paid enough for their professional careers. I think she means female athletes. You know, the ones who don't get paid enough for their professional careers. I think she means female athletes. You know, the ones who don't get paid enough, you usually suck. Sorry. They don't get paid enough for their professional careers. So already my heart breaks for her.

Oh, boy, you. What happened? Can I help you up? Look at the fucking pins on this. The professional volleyball player from Brazil said that she makes over 50 times more money from her OnlyFans account than from playing her sport. Alves has over 2.3 million followers on Instagram. What does that say about your sport? And, you know, she won't go there.

She'll just say, they won't go there and say, obviously, there's nothing more valuable than a pretty woman. Especially one that wants to take her clothes off on camera. 2.3 million followers. Really, they're not following you for your spike form? On her Instagram, making her the most followed volleyball player of all time. Elves is a back row defense specialist. Look at the gams. Look at that trophy. I'd have her fill that with pee and I'd dump it over my head. And here's her back row. That's me, banging her. Right after I come. Shava Nutekar! That's me banging her. Goal! Goal!

Right after I come. Shava Nutekar! What have I said about young girls on the internet? Alves is a background, a defense special. Nothing defensive about that. And we'll be going into the 2022-23 Polista Championship season with Osaka Osaka Volleyball Club. Club A.

Please. However, it is her social media and not her sport, surprise, surprise, that has given her money to sustain herself. She maintained that her by the way, I got a stunning watch. You guys have all seen it, right? She was in Hostler a couple years ago. She maintained that her, by the way, I got a stunning watch. You guys have all seen it,

right? She was in hospital a couple years ago. She maintained that her volleyball career was the primary focus of her life, but she could not stop with her parallel career. That's showing her ass. I am going to the third year in professional volleyball team, and I consider myself a professional athlete, but things off the court started to grow a lot for me I think they were grown for you half of Brazil's rubbing went out so I started to give a little more attention to a parallel career the career off the court is certainly helping to pay the bills especially if professional volleyball you better hurry up make a decision because let me tell you

something, you girls are hot for about five minutes. That's not true. Look at the ass. You could crack walnuts on that freaking thing and make this sundae and then eat it out of that ass. Nick, grow up. Fuck you. Shut it. Professional volleyball isn't cutting it.

Key Elves said according to Sport Bible. I earn about 50 times more with digital platforms than with volleyball. Gee, you think? Give me the money. You understand me? Really? Give me the fucking money. You hear me?

You hear me? I got to come here and bust my ball game. Give me the fucking money. Are you telling me Ms. Elves guys would rather watch you like that than playing good volleyball? I don't believe it. We're not that shallow. It really is about that. I earn a lot of...

She's pretending she doesn't know that sex sells. Look at, they're all in that pose, Dallas. Give me a plane ticket to fucking Sao Paulo. I earn a lot on OnlyFans because the subscription is fixed for the whole month. Alves charges around $14 per month for on OnlyFans because the subscription is fixed for the whole month. Alves charges around $14 per month for her OnlyFans, which allows her to collect. I don't want to hear about sexism again in any country on the planet. Over half a million dollars a month.

I thought that was a year. A month. I'll do the math. That's $6 million a year. Apparently she needs that much to sustain herself. What does that say about the female figure? Seriously. I mean, she's good looking, but there's broads that are 20s on a scale of 10.

It's that shot, I'm sure. I'm going to ask my fans right now. But again, you know why this isn't going to work? Because 98% of you guys... You three girls out there in your late 60s, would you like to see me do a... What's it called? Only fans page? I'll do it, man. I'm telling you.

I will... Dallas came up with a good idea that I do my cooking segments in a fucking Speedo or some shit, which would have been a good idea in my 20s. Now I'd look like Bert Kreischer. However, she still loves volleyball more than anything. No, no, she loves money more than anything else. But I'll say this to her.

I love you for helping me to construct the model. And the shelf. Jesus H. Can you imagine? I love you because you have done so much. Any other pictures? I'd be happy. You have nothing without a word.

Without a touch. I can't take it. Hi. How are you? Yeah, life's very tough for good-looking women. They have it just as hard as a guy with a bare gut working on a garbage truck, right? No, they want you to believe that, seriously. Anyways, that's enough today.

I got to go rub one out in the lobby. I've got to go rub one out in the lobby. Don't forget to sign up at patreon.com or at comicsgym.com. Go to nickdip.com. I don't even know what I have there, but tour dates and T-shirts and hot fudge sundaes. I don't know what else. Pictures of me as a kid in a diaper

throwing it at my mother. Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend in a diaper throwing it at my mother. Cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend of Dorella. And again, it's not a roaster. I'm not going to do five minutes. Give him a couple of zingers. You tell me about the person. Go to Cameo.com and I'll make a video on my phone. It's a lot

of fun. Anything else? That is it ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much. And again, you people who are monthly subscribers we got another story coming for you god bless you uh you guys think and i'll say you're very welcome we'll see you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow have a good rest of the day guitar solo Outro Music Thanks for watching!