The Nick DiPaolo Show - UFO Whistleblower Speaks | Nick Di Paolo Show #1416

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about a flying saucer, Soros handing off the reins and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous. Now you get the hell out of here. And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no band leader. Sure. Beautiful. God, I thought I was hearing gunfire the other night. Fireworks? On the weekend.

Yeah. Savannah, after the game, the bananas. Yeah, I didn't know that. So I'm on the roof with my gun. It's so funny. Black people, only people I know that, like, they're in their 60s is riding a kid's bike. I don't know.

I see that a lot down here. I don't know what happened. Not all of them shot it, buttoned it. Don't want to fucking hear it. Anyways. How many men on a hockey team? About half.

Nobody funny than that fig. All right, folks. Good to be with you. I don't know what to tell you on a Tuesday. I'm trying to stay with the South Beach thing, you know. So I always check. I was never one of those guys. Maybe that's why I got overweight. Never fucking

how many carbs in this. But this keeps it down. And I notice my dump's a nice solid and about a foot and a half long now. I wouldn't think that would be too much information. I know it's gross, folks. I'm just saying. You know what? I always suspected I had a gluten

problem. You know, and I know people, ah, it's gross, folks. I'm just saying. You know what? I always suspected I had a gluten problem. You know, and I know people, ah, that's not true. No, I always, every time I ate bread or something, I had trouble having a nice, you know, I don't want it to get too gross, but, you know, making a present in the toilet. Funniest thing I ever read on the wall in my life, Austin Capital Comedy Club. Sit down, somebody writes on the wall. That's it, push, push.

I'm not even done yet. That's it. Make a present for daddy, that's a big girl. I fucking will bring, I was bringing people into the, I go, who did this? And when's he headlining here?

I want to come see him. That's it. Make a present. That's a big girl. Oh my God. Somebody's a sick bastard. You know, Mr. DiPaolo,

I'm really proud of you. Yeah, so I was telling Dallas, it's more protein, less carb, whatever. It's supposed to be clean, lean meats and fish and shit like that, but I've been using it as an excuse, and you can do this to eat Bubba Burgers. Cheeseburgers with no bread, no. And God, is that delicious.

Fucking A. cheeseburgers with no bread, no. And God, is that delicious. Fucking A. Cast iron skillet. If you don't have it in your house, you're not a cook. You know what I mean? And you're in a happy marriage, probably. Those things hurt. Ever grab the handle, Dallas, when you take one out of the oven?

That will wake you up, won't it? Real quick. Oh, my God. When I think of people torturing p i think of that oh my fucking aching stem sometimes i'll leave it out there don't tell the wife watch no i would never do that uh but anyways yeah so uh steak baba burger's delicious folks i don't care um too lazy to make mine let's get on with it uh truth or bullshit is the uh the first story tonight a top attorney involved in bringing ufo whistleblowers to congress claimed that a crash that just sounds funny u UFO whistle blows. A crashed alien craft recovered by the U.S. military distorted space and time. I don't even really know what that means.

And was bigger on the inside. RadarOnline.com learned. So was my first girlfriend. Little petite thing with a fucking muff like a wrestler. Got a hot dog through a hallway. There you go. Fucking said a millionth time. Daniel Sheehan shared this mind-boggling...

Is that Daniel? Yep. Oh, God. Dan, come on with the hair. Fucking Phyllis Diller over here. Anyway, shared this mind-boggling tale. Dallas, what's your take on UFOs? You're a military guy.

I think we're naive to believe we're alone. We're the most intelligent out there. Oh, I can prove we're not the most intelligent. Jesus Christ. You ever watch fucking, I don't know, Nick at Night? I'm scratching my balls. All right. Did I send you that meme of the fucking monkey

sticking his hand in the dog's ass and then sniffing his fingers? Yes. Jesus Christ, that made me sick to my stomach. Anyways, it's this guy's monkey. Sheehan, seen here burning himself with a cigarette as he reads the Bible, shared this mind-boggling tale with DailyMail.com. So don't, anytime Daily Mail, you're like, okay. Which he says was recounted by a whistleblower who allegedly

participated in a program retrieving crashed non-human spacecraft. This claim is the latest in a series of stunning allegations this week regarding the U.S. government's possession of multiple crashed non-human crafts. That sounds like, you know what, Elon Musk's test cars, kind of. So they're retrieving the goddamn vehicles. Show us one. How's that going to hurt anything? But this is coming from the space program, so it must be true.

Houston, we have a problem. Shan says that the alleged crash retrieval program insider told him that they recovered a 30-foot sauce. Oh, come on. Exactly, Dallin. Exactly. There it is. That's been the UFO ship since I was two. At least by now, I'm sure they'd have a lift kit on it.

Right? Roger Penske stickers. A 30-foot saucer partially embedded. That reminds me of Superman. The black and white. Do you remember when Superman was on in black and white? Yeah. And there was one with a bunch of little aliens, little guy.

Remember that? They'd come out of a manhole cover, but that was the saucer. Recovered a 30-foot saucer partially embedded in the earth with fantastical properties. That's what they said about my real estate agent. That stunk. I was waiting for that. That really did. That really did.

I can't even find it. Sheehan declined to provide further details, including the location and the date of the incident, admitting that he couldn't provide evidence for the claims. Well, then I could say that. Just the facts, ma'am. You stupid dink. Now, I can't back it up, but, and I can't point to any examples.

Well, you got to do better than that. And is there going to be a, I don't think there's going to be a panic or a run on the, run on fucking, I don't know what there'd be a run on. Toilet paper probably don't. It's the first thing Americans. In the South, milk and bread. That's right.

Milk and bread in the South. In the North, you know what? Pocket pussies from Romco. And cheddar cheese. What? I don't know. Anyhow, I can't even see fucking. Skeptics often dismiss these stories of off-world UFOs stored by secret government programs due to the lack of details, documents, and photos. Yeah, well, that's a good reason to be questionable. I don't understand the big secret. We'll promise

you we're not going to panic. What the fuck? Physicists have theorized that the propulsion of an advanced craft, talking about my wife's latest dildo, could involve warp. It is. Warping space-time around it to negate the

effects of gravity. You probably understand that, don't you? I don't, Dallas. It's just saying that when we enter the spacecraft, it's actually bigger. They even went on later to say that it was as big as like a football stadium on the inside, but not on the outside, and it warped time. It was like four hours on the inside, but, or two minutes on the inside and four hours on the outside.

You know what a warp time? Going to your niece's dance recital. That sounded right. I don't get space travel. All I do, David Tell is always talking about it when he's drinking and passing out. It's like time travel. He's got a group. Sheehan shared that space was not the only dimension

around the warped craft. However, Sheehan declined to give further details on these claims. Keep your friends close. Yeah, they are. Put your enemies close. That's what I say.

And that's what they've always looked like. Kids from... The kids that I sponsor over in Africa. Jesus Christ. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, in the second half of the show, I'm going to be talking about, I'm going to be talking about a woman who I think, you'd be surprised, would make a good vice president

on the next ticket, or even president, I might go as far as saying. And I'll give you a hint. It's not fucking Ilhan Omar. Are we talking about, we're not talking about, are we? Ted Kuglinski. Kaczynski. How'd I get Kuglinski?

I took the Iceman and I combined it. Anyways, I'll be talking about that and, you know what, another trans woman slash biological man beating up on girls and bragging about it. We'll do a number on that fag. I mean that guy. Sorry. Did not mean that. You guys know I hate you. All right. It's exclusively on Mug Club, so join now to get it at nickdapaloshow.com. What was I talking about before I... I'm all over the place. I started to go into something else to you.

Anyways, by George. That's the headline. Billionaire George Soros. Get it? By B-Y-e george by george as in by george uh 92 years old subject of many where did you get this dallas can you remember what the uh was it the new york times i can't remember but it's very uh very left wing i know you can't get away from it um this is a picture of him when he was 38. Soros, 92.

He looks way worse than that, by the way. Subject of many conspiracy theory. Really? Conspiracy? Really? To say that he backs radical left wing district attorneys? Is that a conspiracy? Shut the fuck up, you fucks.

Anyways, many conspiracies. Leaves the stage. He's leaving the stage. Good. I hope he leaves it the way Biden does. Misses the first step. Cracks his fucking Nazi-loving head open. Quack.

The legendary financier hands over the reins to one of his children. Well, good. Bye-bye, dickhead. You know it's not going to be any better. It's just going to be a younger version of this fucking tyrannical scumbuck. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, the one who has been accused of all the evils

impacting our world, we're talking about Soros, by fans of conspiracy theories. Who wrote this again? Fucking announced that his son, Alexander, big girl known as the bitch, his rims say, lick my taint, will take over the reins of his $25 billion empire. We think alike, Soros told the newspaper, and I responded. Michael Vachon. There used to be a goalie now named Rogi Vachon for the LA Kings in the 70s. I think he's a Hall of Famer. Person of confidence of George Soros. I don't know what that means, probably spoons with a jerker,

confirmed to the street that Alexander was now the new boss. Meet the new boss. This hip-hop fan, and so great, great, great. This hip-hop fan and socialite has a PhD in goblin goo. Now, here's Frank with a wither. In history, from where, folks? Where did he get it from? University of Denver? Maybe Boston College? Maybe Notre Dame? No, his PhD in history comes from the University of California at cocksucking Berkeley. In a Wall Street Journal op-ed last summer, the billionaire said that he has no intention of stopping, that's in quotes, to support progressive candidates.

Is he talking about the kid or the dad with that quote? This is Alex. But I know, but it says billionaire. I mean, well, I guess. To support progressive candidates. It's his father's money. Candidates running to become prosecutors or for re-election. So he's going to support the same, even though every poll says the country's going in the toilet because of crime and all that shit.

But they just ignore it, you know. Dead man walking. Exactly. Somebody slap his glasses off the funds he says i provide enable sensible reform-minded candidates to receive a hearing from the public yes yes yes that's true and gascon was booted out of san francisco or boo boo dean I'm mixing them all up. Gascon's still in L.A. Boudin was booted. And Kim Fox,

the district attorney in Chicago, she's going or gone. So you're full of shit. Judging by the results, he says, and again, this proves he's in his own little echo chamber. The public likes what it's hearing. Again, what are you reading? USA Today?

You suck-ass? Soros said. What we've got here is failure to communicate. Sounds like Dallas when I met him. Alex Soros, who has been the chairman of OSF, that's the, you know what, out of San Francisco Football League, since December, says he is more political than his father. Well, that's good news. Here he is seen with his arm around the leather-nippled Nancy Pelosi. Right now her husband's wrestling naked with a claw hammer. He thus plans to extend the causes embraced by OSF to voting and abortion rights. Translation, pours billions into non-government,

NGO, you know, whatever the fuck. As well as gender equity. Oh, good, we need more of that. And we'll continue to finance the campaigns of left-leaning U.S. politicians. Well, good for you, because that's not the future. You might think that way. He says, I'm more political. Yeah, you already said that, you cum guzzler,

Alex told the Wall Street Journal, expressing concern over the prospect of Trump returning to the White House in 2024. Alex Soros said that OSF will use its financial might to unseat the former Republican president. As much as I would love to get money out of politics, as long as the other side is doing it, we will have to do it too, Soros said before he swallowed the balls of a Great Dane. You ass. Give me a fucking break. Yeah, it's just the right that uses money in politics. It's not like, it's not like, all of a sudden, what, Zuckerberg's a right winger? He didn't dump a

half a billion dollars into the filiary during the last election? I could go on and on, by the way. That is such an old thing that the right's about, you know, the one that put money in politics. Oy, you don't sound very smart. Oh, yeah, you went to Berkeley. Bet you can name every pronoun that we're using now, huh? Anyways, I hope you die tonight

and your father lives on and then he dies and they burn you together. Spooning. A dad spooning with his fucking kid. It's about right for Berkeley. Anyways, let's move on to some more politics, I think. Tulsi the Terrific. Today's Dem Party, some more politics, I think. Tulsi the Terrific. Today's Dem Party, mainstream media, and woke activists are, this is Tulsi talking in a tweet, are undermining families, stripping away parental rights, sexualizing our kids, mutilating slash poisoning kids with gender-affirming care. And this used to be a Democrat, by the way, and normalizing pedophilia and infanticide. She put that together great. We must stop this insanity. I disagree. I'm enjoying it. It makes the news terrific. No, before it's too late. Absolutely, you young lady. Let's take a look at my Tulsi speaking. By

the way, she's a Fox News contributor. Used to be a Democrat. Hawaii, I believe. Let it roll. The byproduct, unfortunately, of today's Democratic Party's blind pursuit of power and their rejection of this truth, that we are all God's children, is that they reduce each of us to the color of our skin or our gender or our sex, and they're using identity politics to tear us apart, fomenting anti-white racism and fanning the flames of divisiveness just so they can score a few political points. What's so disturbing about all of this

is this is not something they're trying to hide. They're proud of it. They celebrate it. They promote it at every opportunity, even though what they are actually doing is betraying the dream of Martin Luther King Jr. Their actions betray his wish that we would be judged not by the color of our skin, but by the content of our character. They have become, in doing so, the racists that they claim to hate. He's looking at you, kid.

Right on the money, is she not? You shouldn't be judged by the color of your skin. If I was Martin, I would have said, by the length of your shaft. I mean, I'm sure Martin, you know, you know that old stereotype, I've been in enough locker rooms, you know, that's not bullshit.

You know what I'm saying? Transgender locker rooms. I'm talking about girls, which I got. What? I think this woman would make a great, a great VP to begin with, because I'd like to

Trump, again, get robbed from an election and like to see, whatever. She'd make a good VP to start and possible president. Why? Because she, again, get robbed from an election, like to see, whatever. She'd make a good VP to start and possible president. Why? Because she, again, she's probably a little too left with me on a lot of stuff, but not even, she's come to her senses, which tells you she's bright. But mostly because she's a fucking walk the walk. She's a military.

She's a vet. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? And she's smart, and she sees what the left, the Dem party left her, as they would say. And she was smart enough to realize that. And I think, I mean, compare her to fucking Kamala Harris. Just think about it. I mean, honest to God.

Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdopaloshow.com and join, join to get my full show and Steven Crowder's and a whole lot more. And check out my live dates at nickdip.com. We'll be right back. guitar solo.