The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 15 (Catie Wilkins)
Episode Date: December 20, 2020"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 15 (Catie Wilkins)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 100 of 128....
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Right.
You might not be able to hear that laughing because it's not very loud.
Yeah.
Because we are backstage at Richard Stupid Herring's stupid podcast that he does,
which nobody likes.
And if anyone downloads it, then we will find you and kill you.
But what we have decided to do...
Oh, he's made a mistake, Richard Herring, because he has left his wife backstage.
Stupid Richard Herring leaving his wife backstage for the boys to get an old off.
Yeah, exactly.
Why can't people look after their property?
So we're here with his wife now, right?
And we're going to try and get her to come on our podcast, right?
Yeah.
And she is not just a wife.
Yeah, probably does a cleaner.
And a cook.
And sexing.
Yeah, or sexing.
Katie, right, so... First question, who is Ansemist? Me and Ed put together, or your husband? and sexing so hello Katie right so and
first question
who is answer missed
me and Ed
put together
or your husband
you guys
thank you
will you come round
our flat in a bit
and do a podcast
with just us
and no Richard
yeah
because Katie
is a proper funny comedian
as well
and funnier than
Richard definitely
so Katie is going to come over
and do a proper interview.
Shut up, Richard.
We're trying to record.
Richard, will you shut up?
We're doing a podcast.
What's wrong with him?
Right, okay.
So that is a little teaser trailer
for what's to come, right?
That is a very, very special guest
and my favourite comedian.
Yeah.
So, Adam,
we've got to go on in a minute,
haven't we?
And also,
within the request,
it is tacit that you do sex with us.
Thank you.
Okay, bye. haven't we and also within the request it is tacit that you do sex with us thank you bye Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble
Cause it's not Ed, Peacock and it's not Ed, Gamble really is Ray, Peacock and it is Ed Gamble
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, here they are
And as arranged, that will be happening today
Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast.
Yeah. I am Ray Peacock. Hello. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble. What are you talking about?
Well, just that one there. Katie. Katie's coming on. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Straight in with that.
It's just that wasn't just then in real life. I hate to give the game away. No, but it was recorded before.
That wasn't just then. That was recorded before and this is now and that wasn't now.
Yeah, so we've already done half the intro without even being here. I know. This is exciting,
isn't it? It's very exciting. Speaking of exciting, what famouses have you seen in the
Edinburgh Fringe so far? Right, Matthew Kelly. Same, snap. I saw him as well. He was on his
phone in the rain. Seen him, right. Jim Broadbent. When did you see Jim Broadbent? I didn't.
I thought I didn't when I went up Wright-Clyde. It wasn't.
Right.
What?
Is it this year?
It's got to be this
year, yeah.
Because if it's not,
I saw Ronnie Corbett
one year.
Right, well I saw
Sean Connery one year.
Shut your mouth.
What about?
On the Royal Mile,
he walked past us
when we were flyering,
right?
Yeah.
Couldn't believe it.
Tried to flyer him,
right, and he went,
sorry, I've got to
get on a plane.
Wow, he had a plane
on the Royal Mile.
It was, and then he
walked off, and then we, and then Nish went,
I can't believe we just saw Roger Moore.
And just a bit, he'd gone, he'd gone far
because he can, he's got a license to kill Nish.
Stupid Nish.
Yeah.
Stuart Lee, I saw yesterday.
Does he count as famous?
Yeah, definitely, mate.
I saw him in a record shop, right?
Right.
And I know that you're sad, I know you're going,
yeah, bet you did.
Yeah.
Yeah, bet a little independent
record chop
yeah yeah
vinyl
yeah searching
out all the
old shit
all the indie
shit
no HMV
boo
Stuart Lee
and HMV
yeah
right
can't believe
that's ridiculous
what was he
doing in there
just walking
around
bringing it
down from
the inside
yeah I went
right behind
him and I
put my arm
around him
and I went
what are you
criticising now
and then he turned
around and we had
a chat for a bit
and then at the
end of the chat
he went I wasn't
criticising anything
I went no no I
was just doing it
as a joke about
you he went no
I was just looking
at this the Clash
and I went oh
yeah he went yeah
it's the Clash
Deluxe Edition
and I remember
when this came out
and he used to
say oh don't pay
any more than this
keep it indie and keep it all that and now you know 30 years later it's a Deluxe Edition and I remember when this came out and they used to say oh don't pay any more than this keep it Indian keep it all that
and now you know
30 years later
it's in Deluxe Edition
and I went oh right
and then they went
still we'll get it though
so he sort of was
complaining about something
he was having a bit
of a whine about it
yeah exactly
exactly mate
but he's not
do you know what I mean
I think a lot of it's
for show you know
yeah
I think he gives
a lot of it off
he gives a lot of it off
deliberately to try
and make himself a bit more...
Like a persona, innit?
Yeah.
He talks about all his comics and that.
Yeah.
He's all like, he's into comics.
Yeah.
I reckon he just reads The Beano and that's it.
And Dandy.
Yeah, The Dandy, which is unfortunately folding.
Yeah.
Yeah, about that.
Depends how small a space you've got to get into, doesn't it?
No, but that's how you read it.
They fold it in half.
Yeah, no, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, read this comic.
Yeah.
No, it's gone, The Dandy, apparently.
And I've seen lots of people today on Twitter, they're saying, oh, it's horrible, The Dandy's going blah, blah, no, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's coming. I know it's gone, the dandy, apparently. And I've seen lots of people
today on Twitter,
they're saying,
oh, it's horrible,
the dandy's going,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But I bet not one of them
has bought it in two years.
No, exactly, exactly.
You can't complain
about the dandy going under
when you don't buy the dandy.
Yeah.
When you hadn't even
thought about the dandy.
And you can't complain
that kids aren't reading
the dandy,
because they've got
other things. Yeah. You know, they can't, they go aren't reading The Dandy, because they've got other things.
Yeah.
You know, they go, oh, when you were kids,
the cave paintings all got washed off the wall,
no one was reading them.
Oh, it's so sad now.
They no longer hardly sell them things on a string,
where you get the ball back in the cup.
Yeah, exactly.
Different generations have different things.
That's how progress happens.
Yeah, so they're on their PS3s.
Oh, but they're
not going out
anymore
good so
don't want to
get them to
get paedophile
yeah paedophile
yeah
that makes it
sound wackier
than I think
you've just
been paedophile
that would be a
good way of
finishing one off
wouldn't it
what
if they were
doing that
I think people
would have more
tolerance for
paedophiles
yeah
if they did
like add a bit
of wackiness
like see
they're probably
paedophilic
it's so seedy isn't it and underground yeah well as if paedophiles were they did like add a bit of wackiness like see the problem with paedophilia it's so seedy isn't it
and underground
yeah
whereas if paedophiles
were just a bit of fun
yeah
like they were in the 70s
right
just you know
one of the scout leaders
yeah yeah
one of the church people
and everyone knew
they went don't
look
nod to him in the street
if you're an adult
yeah
but don't send your kids
in here by themselves
yeah don't
let them be alone
at a scout camp
because that thing
happened that other year.
What's that?
Pedophile theme tune.
Oh, nice one, yeah.
But you're going,
you know,
what arm are they doing
really
if they are a playful character?
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
It's more when they're
very seedy
and they're very,
you know,
very like,
yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
I will kiss a baby. Maybe make them work. Yeah, they do say that. That's when it's horrible when they're very seedy and they're very like I will kiss a baby
maybe make them wear
they do say that
maybe make them wear a clown wig all the time
so we can pick them out
and then they'll be slightly wackier
and a bit less threatening
maybe sew a clown wig
under their skin
under their pedo skull
under their dirty pedo skull
and then we'll be able to tell them all the time and they'll be less threatening Under their skin. Under their pedo skull. Under their dirty pedo skull, right?
And then we will be able to tell them all the time and they will be less threatening.
Yeah.
What mum or dad would be able to stay angry if they came home to the babysitter, right? Yeah.
Who they found just fiddling about a bit.
Oh, no.
Right?
What mum or dad would be able to stay angry if that dem pedo turned around and went,
Oh, I've done it again.
And then played his theme tune.
And then laughed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'd be like, yeah, yeah.
Now come on.
Exactly, come on you.
You've got to stop doing that.
Yeah, exactly.
Because that has become against the law now.
Exactly.
Not like in the 70s when you were allowed.
Yeah.
I'm not saying that was a good thing in the 70s.
I don't think it was.
I think some good things were good in the 70s,
like Spangles.
Yeah, what happened to Spangles?
And Garlic Bread.
And Garlic Bread.
Yeah.
And White Dog Poos and Fun Pee-Dohs. Yeah, one happened to Spangles? And garlic bread. And garlic bread. Yeah. And white dog poos and fun pedos.
Yeah, one was a snick as a marathon.
So, our guest today is Katie Wilkins.
Now, during the edit of Katie's interview, she went old-darlicky.
Yeah.
Her voice went old-darlicky in one little block of it.
It's when she was promoting her book.
Now, interestingly, as you heard already, Katie has been rehypnalled
by Richard Herring.
Yeah, intermarrying.
She's got an IV rehypnol
that he has put on her arm somehow
and she can't find it,
but it's there somewhere
and he's fooling her
into living in the same house as him.
Well, if you watch the wedding video back,
she stood at a drip
for the whole thing
and she's actually being held up
by Andy Zaltzman.
Yeah.
She's crying for a bit and because she's actually being held up by Andy Zaltzman yeah and she's crying for a bit
yeah
and then she just starts
being really deliriously happy
yeah
and when
and when Richard does
like I do
or whatever for him
right
and then they say
oh do you take
this man
right
and then you hear
I do
but if you listen
really clearly
it's clearly Richard
doing it
on the side of his mouth
yeah
all set up by
Simon Street
in the techie.
Yeah, exactly.
All the mics all weird, don't they?
So what I wanted to do was,
because Katie was at my request in the interview
plugging her book.
Yeah.
And that's where it went dalek-y.
Hey, do you think, that's a weird thing, isn't it?
Because Richard's podcast keeps going dalek-y.
Yeah.
I mean, it's even more unlistenable to.
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Than it is when it's recorded properly.
Yeah.
But maybe Katie is the issue.
Maybe.
Maybe the chip that he's put in her.
To control her.
That interferes with audio equipment.
That's what's happened.
That must be it.
That must be it.
So, you've been hoisted by your own tuppence.
Richard Herring.
Hoisted by your own tuppence.
What is that word?
Retard.
Petard, no.
Richard, you've been hoisted by your own retard.
Mate, he doesn't own them. He's just nice to them. Oh, yeah, no. He doesn you've been hoisted by your own retard. Mate, he doesn't own
them, he's just nice
to them.
Oh yeah, no, he
doesn't like when you
say things like that.
Sorry about that,
Richard.
Yeah, so that's
knackered his own
podcast.
Yeah, yeah.
Ha, ha, ha, gutted
mate.
Ha, gutted mate.
Oh, you reap what
you sowed.
So I wanted to
plug Katie's book,
which is My Best
Friend and Other
Enemies.
It's out in September.
Yeah.
Order it on Amazon,
please, thank you,
or order it from
somewhere.
Yeah. Just get it. It's nice to be supportive of people, isn, please, thank you, or order it from somewhere. Just get it.
It's nice to be supportive of people, isn't it,
when they have managed to get a book out.
And they've had to marry someone.
And they've had to marry someone.
If you're essentially in an abusive relationship.
So, come on.
Let's put some money back in the pot,
and then hopefully there'll be a nice fund
for when it does all break down.
So we'll have the interview with Katie now.
Our first lady on the podcast, but we do discuss that now.
The first lady of the podcast.
The first lady of the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast.
Here she is, Katie Wilkins.
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble.
What a nice sleep.
Good morning, Ed.
Good morning, mate.
Oh, dear, I'm on the side of the bed.
Oh, there we go.
How lovely to be in the bed with you, as always, Ed.
Oh, it is nice to wake up. I've been awake for ages reading the Sunday papers. Oh, there we go. I love being in the bed with you, as always. Oh, it is nice to wake up.
I've been awake for ages reading the Sunday papers.
Oh, yeah, lovely.
Thank you.
I have a nice sleep.
You're very warm next to me there, aren't you?
Yeah.
That isn't you.
Hang on, what?
What is that?
It's touching my leg.
Oh, my goodness.
There is, I think it's Goldilocks.
There is a lady in our bed.
Oh, hello there, lady.
Hello, lady.
What is your name?
Oh, hello.
Right, that should work, shouldn't it?
Yeah, that should work.
Hello, Katie.
Hello.
How are you today?
I'm all right.
How are you?
I'm all right.
I'm a bit tired today.
Listen to Katie properly.
Normally, at the beginning of the interview,
you say, we're here with,
and then give the full name.
Oh, there's a bird in the bed.
Hello, Katie.
And you're the first girl we've had on.
Really? Yeah, genuinely.
And it's not for want of trying, but girls
won't speak to us.
They won't. They won't speak to us in Edinburgh.
I think they're worried that if they come up here
that the sexuality will just be too potent.
Yeah. Just because it's, I don't know,
as you walked in you probably saw there's just like a
thug of just sexuality
yeah
maybe that's what it is
maybe they're worried
that we will in the
first minute of the
podcast reduce them
to just their gender
possibly
by starting off
saying oh
there's a girl here
now we must be in
bed with her
how are you Katie
yeah I'm good
are you having a
nice time at the
Fringe
I am yes I am
are you tired yet
yeah are you really yeah a bit yeah how many shows are you, Katie? Yeah, I'm good. Are you having a nice time at the Fringe? I am, yes, I am. Are you tired yet?
Yeah.
Are you really?
Yeah, a bit, yeah.
How many shows are you doing?
I'm only doing one.
Well, I'm doing loads of extra gigs at the moment.
Yeah. I'm only doing one show.
One official one?
Yeah.
But you are out and about?
I'm out and about.
Yeah, that's where we must have picked her up.
Yeah.
That's the end of that.
That's the end of that now.
I'm finding it's ruining me.
And extra gigs as well.
Before Edinburgh, I booked all these extra gigs and thinking,
yeah, it'd be great.
I'll get into a real work mode.
Yeah.
Oh, I'll be like a machine.
I'm not.
Well, I'm like a machine, but just not a Blamonge machine.
A Blamonge machine that's got overly clogged up with Blamonge.
Yeah, and all the wires are hanging out of that.
Is it working properly at all?
Yeah.
So yeah, it's knackering me.
But you're doing lots of gigs
yeah
well I ended up
doing one like
quite late last night
yeah
like at midnight
but it meant like
I finished it
which isn't really
that late on Edinburgh time
it's not really is it
are you on Edinburgh time
because I don't think Ed is
no no I'm not
I'm not really
I get up at
a fairly decent time
and only because
I'm in such a routine
at home
that I've stuck to it here
yeah
but I am going to bed later so I'm a little bit sort of, not much later really, later
than I do at home. But I know we come home right, all happy and that, yeah brilliant.
Then I sit down to do the editing and it'd be really lovely to do the editing with Ed
just across the table. You hate that, you hate when someone just looks at you. Having
some hot chocolate maybe, which is a nice relax and he goes, oh I'm going to go to bed
now and I'm like, Ed, it's only half eleven.
It's only half eleven, is it, when I go to bed?
Yeah, yeah.
No, ten, half ten.
Half ten when we finish our show at ten forty.
I know, that's why the last ten minutes is getting bad reviews.
Because I go home to bed.
Oh, no, no, better reviews.
The last ten minutes is getting better reviews.
Oh, right, yeah.
That's all just me.
Yeah, you forgot.
Just me at the end there, didn't you?
So, are you on Edinburgh Time? Well, I think I might have just. Oh, right, yeah. That's all just me. You forgot. Just me at the end there, didn't you? So are you on Edinburgh time?
Well, I think I might have just transferred today, actually.
Okay.
Because this is the longest I've slept.
What time did you get up?
Well, only like 11, maybe half 11.
But every other day I'd be up at 9.
Yeah, I've been getting up.
What's wrong with you?
Between 9 and 10.
And do you do that at home normally as well?
Well, yeah, like somewhere between 8 and 9.
Are you like really regimented in terms of, are you strict with yourself?
Um, it's not, it's, Rich gets up at that time.
Rich.
What's a Rich?
But he, when he gets up, right, he makes breakfast.
If I want a free breakfast, I have to get up at eight.
He gets up and makes breakfast?
Yeah.
Ooh, ooh, somebody is the woman of the house.
Ooh, somebody gets up and of the house. Ooh,
somebody gets up
and makes the
breakfast in his
frock.
You have married
a man and we're
not going to talk
about him,
but isn't it
interesting what
he looks like?
Because he's,
what,
five,
six,
something like
that?
Yeah.
Like me?
29 inches
head length,
just like me. Oh, what is his hair like? 29 inches head leg just like me
yeah
oh what is his
hair like
a bit long
just like me
and with a beard
just like me
exactly the same
measurements
oh
depth
you must think
that is very
attractive
I do
that's how I get
off
that's how you
get off
you just put a
picture of me
over his face
are you not disappointed that you've ended up with someone looking like me that's how you get off he just put a picture of me over his face is it
are you not
you're not disappointed
that you've ended up
with someone looking like me
I don't mean me personally
but I mean
you know
when you were like
a little girl growing up
did you not think
oh
because you're a tall lady
yeah
very slim and slender
blonde hair and all that
like I mean
honestly we've got
a right belter in our flat today
that's why we tied it up
and then
I wiped the table
before you got it wiped the table down
before you got
it
Katie's not
going to put
her elbow in
these crumbs
has he
prepped you
to come to
this interview
no
tell the truth
has he told you
to stand your
ground or not
he said have
fun
did he
yeah
I don't believe
you
there's no way
he's not said
right you
defend me
because we
were having a
chat on twitter
the other day
and he butted
him me and Katie were having a chat on Twitter the other day and he butted him
me and Katie
were having a lovely
chat on Twitter
just a nice chat
about him
not to him
and he's straight
and giving it
I am following you
both on Twitter
this is a private
conversation
what people fail to realise
is that if you have
a conversation
in public
on Twitter
it is still private
and if it is about you
just ignore it.
And also, another thing for our fans, if me and
Ed are having a joke conversation with each other,
then we are doing the jokes.
Don't worry about it, you don't have to chip in any jokes
at all because we are doing the jokes already. We've got it
covered, thank you. About
Edinburgh timings, I've decided
that when I'm doing late night gigs, I've started
to resent the people who are there
because I don't think anyone should be up that late.
So I've started to hate them.
The other night at a gig, I went, well, are we all having a good time?
Let's be honest, we should all be at home in bed.
Yeah, yeah.
Just slightly angry with them for still being up.
If they weren't still up, I could be at home asleep.
Did you get rowdy gigs?
Yeah, well, last night was quite rowdy, actually.
Where was it last night?
It was Eleanor Conway's gig.
She's like a boxing thing. Yeah, I've done her thing. Have you done it? I've done her thing in London. No, was this the one that you said, they asked us quite rowdy, actually. Where was it last night? It was Eleanor Conway's gig. She's like a boxing thing.
Have you done it?
I've done her thing in London.
Now, was this the one that you said,
they asked us to do it,
and before I could even reply on the email,
Ed had replied,
I've done that gig before, absolutely not.
Was that that one?
Yeah, it was horrible.
Yeah, okay.
It was horrible.
It was just a horrible audience.
She, you know, whips them up into it anyway.
But there was a woman who just stumbled to the front
and then just spread her legs when I was on
and then got a party popper and set it off right in my face.
No way.
Palmer would have dictated that she got the party popper the wrong way round.
Yeah.
And then she popped it.
It went straight up the front.
Straight up the front.
And then she had a little party popper baby that she had to look after
and couldn't even get proper benefits
because it wasn't recognised as a natural disability.
Streamers for legs
isn't a disability.
You want to have
a party popper baby.
Ideally.
It'd be a quick
and impressive labour.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah,
over very fast.
Yeah.
So what happened again?
Well,
it was just like,
it wasn't that full
and then it's got
quite a leery
kind of atmosphere.
The audience
had to fill in questionnaires
like what's the stupidest thing they've done and somebody had filled in someone else's questionnaire
and so he had to do a forfeit because he lied on the questionnaire so they sent him out to get one
more audience member into the show and he came back with about six really drunk people and then
they all filed in you know it's just got to that point like right this isn't a gig now this isn't
a gig but actually it was still alright
but it was just a bit
like the gong show
if you say to yourself
well this isn't a gig now
you can still enjoy it
whereas if you're like
right I hope they listen
you're not going to have fun
but if you're like
well then it's sort of
fine again
but you have that thing
of an actual
where you resign your comedy
like before you go on
you're like
well this is pointless
as comedy
so I'm going to go on here
and make myself
an anecdote for tomorrow and a lot of my kids are approached that way just going right i'm gonna
just get through this so i can tell this story tomorrow night yeah and also i think the other
thing interesting thing about the edinburgh is because they start so late so you're like going
on stage at one in the morning or you know if you're an act as a compa particularly you can't
be going what's your job what did you do
what did you do
because they
haven't got no
jobs because
by definition
they're there
it's Wednesday
it's four o'clock
in the morning
you're in your
shit face
you have no
job
not anymore
the most common
answer is fuck
all
yeah
fuck all
yeah
the entire front
row we're all
fuck all
apart from one
bloke who just
got out of prison
six weeks ago
it's not really a
job is it no well I've just got out of prison six weeks ago. It's not really a job, is it?
No, well, I've just got out of prison six weeks ago,
off the drugs now, so hopefully I'll get a job soon.
I'm like, brilliant, here's your first act.
Didn't you get a proctologist the other night?
Yeah, there was a proctologist.
It was everyone unemployed and then an American proctologist in his 60s.
But I guess he was an oldie then, eh?
Yeah, and he had all the jokes
prepped already.
Did he?
I was asking about it
and he was like,
I'm just in town
to look up some old friends.
Nice,
nice.
Which kind of meant
I couldn't get anything
good out of it.
I just went,
bum doctor!
You touch a bum.
Yeah.
You touch a bum
of a stranger.
So the other reason I was asking you as well Katie
about how regimented you are
regimented is the wrong word
what word am I looking for
schedule
no genuinely
this is horrific
what's the fucking word
this is an interesting insight
into how gone I am
yeah
I can't even think of words
like someone who gets up in the morning
and goes right
I will get up at 8
and then I will go to the office
and do work just a light light, light life. Yeah, no,
but you are. Normal life. No, but no, you are. Organised. No, that's an ear. No, you
are. Discipline. Right. Discipline. There we go. There we go. Right. Imagine forgetting
the word discipline. Right. Katie. Don't do that. I'm'm gonna cut all of that out i want people to hear all of that
katie it's like catchphrase uh katie the reason i was asking you before about
sort of how disciplined you are regimented in your life and that was because i think you have
got to be that if you are doing a book and you have done a book oh yeah when is that out september
the 6th and was that, were you already very disciplined?
I need to feel like I'm not being punished in order to be able to relax and do it.
Yeah.
A bit, I think.
I have that, I have that thing where I arrived in Edinburgh with a whiteboard because I knew
how busy I was going to be.
Yeah.
Literally made a month with the whiteboard.
Yeah.
Wrote everything down I had to do, everything all day.
I was like, God, this is so full.
Took a photo of it.
I was like, this is ridiculous. And I hadn't even put our show on that whiteboard, wrote everything down I had to do, every single day I was like, God, this is so full. Took a photo of it, I was like, this is ridiculous. And I hadn't even put our show on that whiteboard. That's just assumed I'm doing that every day. It's completely
full. I'll show it to you later when we go back in the bedroom.
Well, it should be assumed that we're doing that every day. I genuinely worry about the
state of your brain if you go, and then what are we doing at 9.40?
Well, then I did all that, and then I went, brilliant. And that felt like an achievement, and then I slept for five hours. It did, I felt like that and then I went brilliant and that felt like an achievement
and then I slept
for five hours
it did
I felt like that was
one of the things
I had to do
it was
that was on the to-do list
yeah
and then
there's nothing more
satisfying than making
a to-do list
and ticking stuff off of it
yeah
I don't tick things off
but I cross them out
in big days
yeah that's the same
as ticking it off
cross it out
have you stuck to
this timetable
yeah totally really yeah it's all stuff like we've off cross it out have you stuck to this timetable yeah totally
really
yeah
it's all stuff
we've had to do
but I don't tick them
off as things
I literally just
at the end of the day
go did I do everything
yes
and just cross it out
yeah
as a day
and Ed uses it as well
for guests and things
yeah
I get a go on the planner
and all
yeah
he just comes in and goes
I couldn't get out of it mate
we're interviewing Silky
and then he'll just and then he'll just write that down
that was Silky
if you're listening
that was clearly a joke
and we're looking forward
to your interview Silky
when you come over
at 11.30am
is he really?
oh he's shown in the afternoon
yeah yeah yeah
that's right
Silky
I only said Silky
because that was the last person
we wrote on the board
I can't remember any other guests
I can't even remember Thingy's name who we're interviewing now.
Pre-Cooking Gamble, Pre-Cooking Gamble.
I think that getting published is one of the biggest deals for any artist, I think, genuinely.
So getting published, I think, is fantastic and I think you should be very proud of your
book. So I would like you to take this opportunity to plug your book to the four people listening.
you to take this opportunity to plug your book to the four people listening.
It's called My Best Friend and Other Enemies, and it's for 8 to 12 year olds, and it's funny,
and it's about bullying.
But, is it, could a nab or read it as well?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, say it off.
Don't say it's for 8 to 12 year olds, like that's the law.
I don't think, say it's for everyone, and when they buy it and they go, this is for eight to twelve year olds, then just don't pick up the phone.
Yeah, just run away really, we're passing all the money.
It's about bullying.
Yeah.
Were you bullied?
Well, yeah.
But like, in a normal, everyone's bullied.
Not me, mate.
You are, mate.
Mate, you are, mate.
You're just not clever enough.
Not really, mate.
I was cock of arse girl, mate.
I was cock of arse girl, mate.
Yeah, everyone.
Then that's why everyone called you, wasn't it?
Yeah. That's bullying. everyone called you wasn't it?
That's bullying.
That means you can fight anyone.
He'd say look there's Ray the cock.
Ray's the cock at this school he used to say.
And I know that meant that they thought I could fight everyone.
And they made you king didn't they?
Not with a crown at his school.
They took all his clothes when he went swimming. And then they had to walk around naked for the rest of the day.
And they were all going, look at the cock of the school, the cock of the school.
And he was like, thanks.
But I had a special outfit on that only clever people could see.
And I walked around as the king.
I mean, some people call me the emperor.
And they used to literally walk around the school being a cock.
Right, dumb cock of the school with blonde Katie's book.
Yeah.
Right, dumb cock at a school with blonde Katie's book.
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble.
So the first time I met you was at Jamie Oliver's Food Festival.
Oh, yeah.
Which was that gig.
That's what we put in pre-Edinburgh interviews,
as what's your worst gig or gig nightmare.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Not because we met you. It wasn't the worst gig.
It was just ridiculous.
It was the stupidest. It was a bad set up. In fact, that was the one, speaking of Richard there, that was the one where we met you. It wasn't the worst. But it wasn't the worst gig. It was just ridiculous. It was the stupidest.
It was a bad set up.
In fact, that was the one.
Speaking of Richard,
that was the one
where we were backstage.
So I don't think
I had even probably,
I think we were just
sort of half chatting
to each other
because I knew you were there
with Rich.
Yeah.
And they came over
because Richard had said,
he said something very tame
on stage.
And they came over
and said,
he's got to come off.
Yeah.
He's got to come off.
This is too rude.
And it was like,
I think he said dick.
I think it was like
something as tame as that.
Yeah.
And they were going to walk on and just
and you stopped him
and I said
right you're not doing it
but if that's what it has to be
I'll go on then
yeah yeah yeah
so then at least
we can dick about
and make it
at least we can
fucking cock about then
yeah
I'm sure we mentioned this
a while ago
on the old podcast
but it was the
just to give you an idea
of the scenario
it was a main stage at a festival and I i was on stage the proper the proper main stage yeah proper main
stage like huge main stage they've just opened the gates just to give everyone an idea of what
the perfect time to stand up comedy i always remember my stage time 11 40 a.m um so there
were about five people in the festival compound yeah about a mile and a half away and i had to
call them forward one by one and banter with them.
With their kids.
Oh yeah obviously.
With their kids having their kibbeh.
But then Ed's
gig got even better
because his
busy mate saved
me the day.
You arrived just
came on with me
didn't you?
Just literally
arrived at the
gig, looked out
and saw you there
and thought I
can't leave him
there.
That's not fair
and I did honestly
because I didn't
even stop walking.
I saw you
and just carried on walking
and walked straight
into the middle of the stage
and went what are you doing
no one even looked there
no not at all
no
what are you doing mate
what's going on
just doing a concert
yeah that's nice
going on
and then Richard went on
did his monologue
and then I went on
and at that point
we'd all written it off
as a gig
yeah
and you were
some battle of hell
some battle of hell and that was one of my favourite things it off as a gig. Yeah. Some Bat Out of Hell.
Some Bat Out of Hell. And that was one of my favourite things that happened that whole day,
was when you were doing Bat Out of Hell to, like, disinterested children.
It wasn't disinterested.
They were loving it, mate.
They were throwing toilet rolls that they'd used.
And then you did this bit, like, so you were really enjoying Bat Out of Hell.
You then skidded forward on your knees and went,
9.40, Pleasant Stone.
Pick, hook and gamble. Pick, hook and gamble. out of hell you then skidded forward on your knees and went 940 Pleasant Stone and Katie yeah
well you started doing this
starting questions
to guests
as if you're shouting them
through from the other room
Katie
let's give it a show
what's your show called please
it's called
Joy is my middle name is Joy your middle name yeah lovely so trade description straight off yeah Deskivate show what's your show called please it's called Joy
it's my middle name
is Joy your middle name
yeah
lovely
so trade the description
straight off
yeah
can't get on you for that
yeah
they could technically
get on us for our show
yeah
because I was
asking Peacock and Gumball
don't even want to be
on telly anyway
so they might be able
to get us
we do but it's sarcastic
actually
yeah
yeah
we do
but we don't anyway
yeah
what's your show about?
I know it's a very broad question,
but I do mean it.
It's about names,
and labels,
and identities,
and how they affect us,
and if that's a positive thing,
or a negative thing.
Okay.
But with jokes,
obviously,
that doesn't sound,
sugar joking,
definitely.
How would you entice,
how would you entice someone into your show?
Because you've already said,
Joy's your middle name,
so we know that. That spoiler is out there now. So no one's going, well? Because you've already said Joy's your middle name. Yeah. So we know that.
That spoiler is out there now.
So no one's going,
well, we should go and find out
what her middle name is.
You should have called it
What is my middle name?
Who is Nish Kumar?
Yeah.
I've missed a trick.
Yeah.
And we know your other two names
because they're on the poster.
Yeah.
So we know all your names now.
What's the mystery?
What's the mystery?
I answer the question
whether they
are harmful or helpful labels yeah okay what do you say i can't tell you that's how you do it
that's exactly how you do it is it your first one it's my second one oh you cause yeah you
did last year didn't you yeah and uh how do you think you do you think you've developed over the
year or do you think you're you found what you want to be and you're sticking to that? I think this is a
better show than last
year.
I talk quite a bit
about feminism but in
a fun way.
I've got feminist
your mama jokes.
Oh yeah I saw those
because you did those
when we did Richard's
podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah they were
great.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Did you think we were
funny on it as well?
Yeah you were very
Thank you.
Thank you. There we go. See it's a nice episode today where everyone is complimenting each other. thank you very much you're welcome do you think we were funny on that as well yeah you were very funny thank you thank you
there we go
see it's a nice episode
today where everyone
is complimenting each other
I'm really happy
with the show
but numbers are down
on last Edinburgh
okay
last year I was in
the Wee Koo
and I got a lot of
walk up
right
and this year
I'm selling the same
like pre-sales
but I'm just not
getting a walk up
okay
and so it's
where are you this year
at the Delii belly at the
Calgary underbelly
actually my men will come on here and go
I'm having a terrible day
no it's not that
people are coming
that can sometimes work in your favour because then people feel sorry for you
but then do you want
do you want people to feel sorry for you in your show
but at the same time
I think there are also
people who are fans
of people
and who like people
who just assume
I think honestly
at the level that
we're at in comedy
there are people
that just assume
loads of people
are going to your show
because they see you
as a presence
on the internet
or whatever
and they're like
sometimes if people
see a nice poster
they must be thinking
well because
someone's drawn that poster
for them
but you know
they probably think
that we're all
millionaires
I don't know
you know
mate do you think
people will probably
look at us and go
if they were
millionaires they
could probably get
a new t-shirt
and a little shave
no but I
no but I think
do you remember
in the old podcast
ages ago
we talked about
my car
my old car
which was a
convertible
and I remember people online speculating about what car and my old car which was a convertible and I remember people
online speculating
about what car it was
and they were like
saying 170 grand cars
and I was like
what?
I've never seen
that sort of money
why would I want
a car like that?
Absolutely not
far, far lower down
but let's be honest
the sort of people
who were discussing
what car they imagined
you were driving
are probably not
completely in tune
with society
why?
what's wrong with me?
No, why are they spending time going,
when I imagine Ray driving around,
this is what I imagine is happening
and these are the types of trousers he wears.
Yeah, and I think he has got nice trainers as well.
Probably them Nike ones with a bubble in it.
You know, all right.
I've always,
and I've been advised against it management-wise and stuff,
sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes I've always and I've been advised against it management wise and stuff sometimes not all the time
but sometimes
I've always tried to be
honest about stuff
like when I've talked about
I did a blog for one year
and I was very very honest
in that blog
about my Edinburgh experience
and some people go
no but you're presenting it
as like the downside of it
it's like well there is that
yeah
there genuinely is that
and I think
if we're portraying it
as coming to Edinburgh
and we're making loads of money we're all losing losing so much money yeah and if people don't understand that then
you do get that complete miscomprehension of what it actually is yeah because there are comics who
are just utterly positive all the time in public and they'll completely they go it's going brilliantly
and they go yeah oh you're selling well yeah selling out every night and it's going brilliantly
everyone loves it every night so that is definitely notiantly everyone loves it every night that is definitely not true
because it can't be true
it doesn't go well for everyone all the time
and then
it seems bad telling the truth about it
that sometimes there aren't as many people in the room like
well they don't necessarily go for it but I can't bring myself
to lie about it
it's like that saying in order to be successful
you must portray success at all times
like act it till you've got it but it's not it's nonsense because i think that's an outdated
concept i think now in terms of how people like to relate to their quote-unquote celebrities or
you know their their what fulfills the entertainment in their life i think people like particularly
with the advent of twitter and that sort of thing they like to relate to someone on a much more
personal level yeah so they like to relate to someone on a much more personal level. So they like to relate to someone on a, that they will enjoy the highs and the lows with them at the same time.
What I'm saying is, if you've got low numbers some nights,
you can say that.
Yeah.
Because everyone has, everyone, you know,
everyone here has got low numbers some nights.
Yeah, I know.
I think because the lowest I've had was six.
I mean, don't say that.
Oh, Casey, that makes you sound awful.
Oh, no one's going to come now.
God, who would want to go and see a show
that's only got six people
that must be
woeful as a show
I tell you what
I'm not
I was going to go
and see that one
but it was only six people
I mean
even just for how
I'm feeling it
if I'm sat there
if I'm one of six people
I'll feel self conscious
about it
no thank you
no thank you
it was actually really fun
going with six
was one of the most fun
once that's happened
you're like
well this doesn't matter
and then it just
is so much fun
yeah
whereas like
I've been doing
typically like 12
woo
nice
but that's actually
that's fine
that's actually fine
it's alright
like that was
like last year
12 was the lowest
I ever had
okay
and like
because also
the first day
I had about
like maybe 35 in
okay
so it felt full
and it was really fun high energy they
loved everything then the second day I had 12 in and I was like alright we're going to
have a bit of yin and yang at this Edinburgh then it was all yang.
But are you happy with your show?
I am happy with my show.
That's the key thing isn't it really?
Yeah.
I think that's what we've found no matter what the audiences are or how they react to
it or as long as each night we're really enjoying doing our show as long as every night
no matter what
the variables that aren't
in our control
if we just sort of
try and put those out
of our minds
and enjoy the show
then I think that's
a big thing isn't it really
no definitely
as long as those variables
don't start to affect
the enjoyment
of the show
which I guess they can
if it gets really good
because I think
when you're doing
a solo show
because I've done
solo shows
and there is a certain
regardless of how many
people you have around you or regardless of what family you have here or who's visiting you or any of that sort of thing I think when you're doing a solo show, because I've done solo shows, and there is a certain, regardless of how many people you have around you,
or regardless of what family you have here,
or who's visiting you,
or any of that sort of thing,
I think when you're doing a solo show,
there is actually a genuine weird loneliness
that comes into that.
Yeah.
Even if you have a support structure.
Because there is a point
where you just have to leave that all behind,
arrive at your show,
venue staff are there,
and you get on with them,
and your stage manager's there, you get on with them and you know your stage manager's there
you get on with them
but there is still
a weird thing
where you're going
it's me
it's just me
it's just me
it's just me
I've never done one
I was going to do one next year
and I think it sounds horrible
but it's like
you know
it is that thing
you know
you know you're going to enjoy it
when you're out there
you know you're going to do
what you wanted to do
but it does
like when me and you
are on stage
and we've got me and you there
at the same time so regardless of what's happening like when me and you are on stage and we've got me and you there at the same time
so regardless of
what's happening
we're still in our house
on stage
which is quite lovely
but I think
if you're doing
a solo show
particularly in Adam
it's so intense
it's such a magnified
emotions
and magnified
you know
it feels like
everyone's seeing
every review
do you know what I mean
if you didn't have
a good review
if you had a great review you assume everyone's seen the great review everyone's seen every review. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? If you didn't have a good review, if you had a great review,
you assume everyone's seen the great review,
everyone's seen the shit review.
Do you know?
Yeah.
It's ridiculous.
So what we're saying, Kate, is,
do you want us to...
Just go home.
We're saying go home.
Or do you want us to just come and sit on the stage
while you do yours,
just so you've got some company there
on the stage with you?
Yeah, bring your house.
But if...
We'll bring our whole set with us.
We'll bring the set.
If you can get a mat or something
and a bit of Lego
we'll be quite happy
we'll just play in the corner
it won't be noisy
or anything like that
unless Ed takes a bit
of my Lego
and then it will erupt
and then it will
properly kick off
yeah
we should try it
alright we'll do it
I would love to do that
just on any show
one night
literally
without them knowing.
Yeah.
Literally just be at the back of the stage
just on my haunches
just building Lego.
Just watching it.
Yeah.
Laughing along
or just completely concentrating on the Lego?
I like,
well I like the idea
the mental image I've got of it
is me on my front
kicking my legs in the air.
Right.
Making the Lego
and them doing a joke
and me not looking at it
and going
Ha ha! Pickle can gamble. Pickle can gamble. making the Lego and them doing a joke and me not looking at it and going ha ha ha
on one past interview
we've done quick fire questions
we're going to try them again now
this is when he goes
proper mental
he's going to burn himself out now
trying to come up with questions
we're going to have to
say goodbye to you
and I'm going to have to
dip his head in a bucket of coal
ready for quick fire questions
what was the last thing
you put in your freezer
a Solero
how many apples
have you eaten this week?
None.
How tall are you?
Five foot ten I think.
How short are you?
Five foot ten.
How many arms have you got?
Two.
How do you know?
Because I've seen them.
Have you had any work done?
No.
What, never in your life?
I had an eye operation.
I don't mean on your body,
I mean your house.
Uh, yeah.
How many rooms in your house?
I don't know.
How many pairs of shoes
do you own?
I don't know. How many laces are in your house? I don't know. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don't know.
How many laces are in the shoes?
I don't know.
I can't do them if she just keeps saying she doesn't know.
Well, I don't ask stupid questions that no one will know the answer to.
How many laces have you got in your shoes?
Listen to her first answer.
Your first question was, how many pairs of shoes have you got?
And she said, I don't know.
So how is she going to know how many laces are in those pairs of shoes?
Do you buy cotton wool buds?
What?
Yeah.
What for?
For taking off makeup.
Nice.
What sort of potatoes do you like?
Normal potatoes.
How do you like them prepared?
Jacket potatoes.
How do you don't like them prepared?
How do you don't like them prepared?
Boiled is rubbish.
What if you've got butter on them?
That's better.
And mashed up?
That's alright.
That's mashed potato.
Don't worry about it. Is that crisps? Yeah. What's your best flavour? That's better. And mashed up? That's alright. That's mashed potato. Don't worry about it.
Is that crisps?
Yeah.
What's your best flavour?
Salt and vinegar.
Why?
This is the best one.
Have you ever had a
Marsberry and a salt
and vinegar crisps?
In a, and what,
at the same time?
Yeah.
No.
Try it, it works.
How proud are you
of your book?
Quite proud.
Very proud.
Very proud.
Very proud.
What's your best job
you've ever done
other than the one
you're doing now?
Developing photos.
What was the dirtiest
photo you've developed?
Oh man, there was loads. There was this gay guy.
It's not dirty just because he's gay.
There's these holiday photos from France.
Look at him having a faggot dirty gay.
Look at him holding hands with another man.
Look at him having his gay Christmas. Disgusting.
Gay Christmas.
Go on,
tell us about them.
My brother's gay.
It's not that he's gay.
There's loads of photos
of naked men.
So,
whoa,
go back.
Your brother is gay?
Yeah.
I love the gays.
So,
go on,
these dirty photos.
It was like loads of naked men
all sticking their thumbs
up each other's arses.
In what?
Like a daisy chain thing?
Well,
sometimes.
Sometimes, just random poses were they smiling
well they did like thumbs up put somebody sat on them yeah right okay and we weren't allowed to
give them the photos back what do they do in that scenario because now that's all been changed now
hasn't it because people could just take photos on their phones yeah yeah this was 10 years ago
yeah when you had to have photos developed and there was that rule wasn't there that if they were
yeah considered obscene images but you didn't get to have photos developed and there was that rule wasn't there that if they were obscene
yeah
considered obscene images
but you didn't get the photos back
but then what
was it a police involvement in that
well apparently
like because there was like
another time
there was like this couple
that obviously just decided
to experiment
just take a couple
of nudie pictures
and we did give them back
yeah
but like they weren't
having sex or anything
they were just naked
at the place that I worked
they had this thing
where you had to show them the top photo
and go,
we have the quality,
now you can have the photo.
So as a joke,
we put the rude one on the top.
And then when this girl came back in,
everyone ran to the back of the room
and the Saturday girl was the slowest,
so she had to give the photos.
But she just didn't show them,
she just went,
they're just photos.
They're just photos,
dirty boogers.
Yeah.
But apparently,
we had to do that
because
there was this
it sounded more like
an urban legend
of like a paedophile
being caught
because they tried
to develop photographs
I'm sure that
I bet that would have happened
almost certainly
yeah
and they said
it was in another branch
and that was one of the reasons
we had to check for quality
and for paedos
yeah
but how would you
check for that
well you see them
when they come out
it was the click
the 20 minute photography thing
so it would all
be out in 20
but when they
went through
the second machine
they'd drop down
and you would
check that they
were okay
but isn't it
a weird thing
though
so as someone
who did that
this is a great
opportunity to ask
this
is there an element
I'm not suggesting
that you are a
voyeur
in real life
but was there an
element of that
to it
when you were
developing people's
photos
or did you just
literally just get on with it?
Like Robin Williams.
Yeah.
What was that?
One hour photo?
Which is great for him.
He gets obsessed with the family.
He's really creepy.
Yeah.
No, you could easily do that.
You've completely got access to everything.
Yeah.
If you wanted to,
you could legally make your own copies.
You could...
Legally?
Illegally.
Well, you know.
Oh, illegally.
Yeah, you could just...
But surely that's...
Surely everyone's got that now with Facebook.
Yeah, no, that's true.
That's pretty much the same thing, isn't it?
You can look through photos.
That's why I came off it.
But you're missing out.
You can look through holiday photos
of people you hardly know.
Yeah, I know.
And go, but they're having a lovely holiday.
Yeah, but I don't.
Why can't I have a lovely holiday?
I'm going to get the dad of the family
and cut the skin off his face
and wear it to his ear.
If you wanted.
You could do that. You could do that on Facebook. No, I cut the skin off his face, I'm wearing it to appear. If you wanted. You could do that.
You could do that on Facebook.
No, I came off Facebook, so then I found it very invasive.
Yeah.
It is invasive.
Yeah.
And I have it with Twitter as well, because I'll just literally throw a thought on Twitter
without a thought.
Yeah.
Which is a stupid thing to do.
It was like this morning, I just wrote, been up for this long, done this all day, I'm fed
up, I'm going to bed.
Yeah.
Because I was.
Yeah.
Or sometimes I'll be pissed off or whatever, you know, and you'll say something that alludes
to that.
But what you can't really get across to people on Twitter is, if you're only given a bit
of information.
Yeah.
I'm not that person who does a bit of information.
Yeah.
So people go, what's wrong?
What's happening?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not that person.
You're just putting it on there.
Yeah.
That's all I want to tell you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I'm not going to say that anyone want to ask.
Yeah. When I'm feeling down. I'll give you I'm feeling down so I can tell you all about it
but I know that there are people who will do that
going oh I'm fed up
what's wrong babes
yeah
right back going nothing
I don't even want to talk about it
that sucks
yeah
so I'm not a person so I find that quite
by and large people on twitter are alright but every now and again That sucks with an accent. Yeah, yeah. So I'm not a person, so I find that quite...
And by and large, people on Twitter are all right.
But every now and again, you do just get something
that'll just allude to your appearance
or that will do something...
We talked about it.
Me, you talked about it.
Because I had Twitter silence for a little bit.
And I spoke to you about it,
because you sent me a private message.
And I just said, it's just getting too much.
I think they're just joking, much I think they're just joking
and I think they're just
trying to get involved
but I can't be called
fat that many times
in one day
but that's the problem
with the podcast
as well isn't it
because people listen to it
and it's genuinely
like they're in the
middle of a conversation
because we just record it
you know in our flat
or your flat
they think that you're
mating the person
yeah exactly
because they just feel
like they're sat
in between us
but that's alright
yeah but then
that extends to them
going well I'll draw them like this they think they sort of know you and they probably do a bit They just feel like they're sat in between us. But that's alright. Yeah, but then that extends to them going,
well, I'll draw them like this.
Yeah.
They sort of know you, and they probably do a bit.
The problem is they can't gauge the right time to do it.
No, of course not.
So if we were doing a podcast,
and we had a live Twitter feed coming through,
then we might have a bit of a laugh with it.
But we might do a podcast, and then we might go out,
and then a relative may die,
and then we might get a tweet saying, no, fat fucker.
I'm not really in the mood for that.
So you can't really control all that sort of stuff.
Facebook was certainly when I was like, get away, get away from it.
And also I have like, girlfriends were looking on it and you knew who was looking at what and felt a bit spied on.
And then, yeah, just didn't like it.
And then all of them, I stupidly put all them pictures of my knob on it.
And then they went round
everywhere
everyone's going
why does he think
this looks alright
and then a doctor
tweeted you about it
a doctor tweeted me
and said that shouldn't
be on there
and I'm going
well I've had that
since I was a young lad
and they said no
but genuinely
that looks like
it's ready to go
so all those things
happened as well
and yeah basically
I left Facebook
because I found out
I was a mafrodite
but now you're on Facebook
yeah
I had a big cull
recently
because I just
I went to this Facebook
and just said yes
to everyone
and I was like
I don't know a thousand people
so I just got rid of them
and even now
it's still
I want to trim it again
but it's really hard
I kind of want to leave it
and start again
from scratch
yeah
well I think
probably a good idea
I mean I
what I did was
I went from my stage name
to my normal name
and then just
binned the whole thing off
right
so I had like a couple of weeks
as my normal name
yeah
but then it was just like
lots of people trying to add me
because you know
most people know my real name
yeah
and you know
they tried to add me
and I was like
I can't be dealing with this anymore
yeah
and just let it go
but there's that other thing
isn't there
that sort of being beholden to strangers
where you'll get several
messages going, can you follow me?
Can you follow me?
Why do you even want that?
Why do you want me to follow you?
You'll not be saying anything of interest to me.
You've had to ask. It's not true love.
Absolutely.
I think I follow like 49 people
or something on Twitter.
And I think it's weird
to desire it
but we were talking
about before
that Ed's ambition
for the fringe
is to get 4,000 followers
that's my only ambition
for the fringe
and on the night
that it happens
we're not going to do the show
yeah we're not going to do the show
we're just going to cancel the show
how many do you need
I'm 17 and a half
so this is literally
going to happen
like today or something
well maybe not today
maybe not today maybe not today
to be honest
if we say it
people will stop
following me
because that's what
people are like
because people just
sit in their room
and go
oh someone says
they want another
follower
I'll leave them
yeah you've done that
yeah definitely
definitely yeah
in fact I've got
one person
who's a mutual friend
of me and Ed's
who I'm refusing
to re-follow
really
because it's bothering her so
much.
Because I stopped following her when she was
asking for more followers as a joke.
Well I asked for more followers. Yeah, you
asked for more followers for her and then as
a joke I then stopped following her
and then her reaction was so
big to me
stopping following her that I thought, right
I'm Twitter standoff where I'm a thought right I'm Twitter standoff where
I'm a close friend
and yeah weird
Twitter standoff where
I'm refusing to
follow her because I
know that it's
bothering her.
How awful is that?
It's funny though.
It's entertaining to
me.
Yeah you can have a
bit of fun with your
friends can't you?
That was the quick
fire question round
by the way.
Oh sorry there were
three more.
Alright.
Have you had an egg? Yeah.
How recently? Yesterday.
How was it prepared? It was an egg sandwich.
Oh, there's another one to that
actually. How many eggs have you had in one day?
Three. Three eggs in a day? Yeah, I reckon.
Did you regret it afterwards? No.
Did you have them prepared differently?
Yeah. How were they prepared?
Three different sorts of eggs prepared differently?
What ones?
And a fried egg and a poached egg.
That's two.
And a boiled egg.
And a boiled egg as well.
In one day?
Yeah.
Why couldn't you make him know about your egg?
It's just having an egg day.
It's just eggs.
Just eggs?
Yeah.
Have you ever made a fried egg sandwich?
Do you like a fried egg sandwich?
Yeah.
And white bread
yeah
and tomato sauce maybe
tomato sauce
oh really
that wasn't it for me
but it's fine
have you ever been
halfway through
eating that sandwich
and started cooking
another one
no
I have
just a little insight
I'm enjoying this
fried egg sandwich
so much
that I don't want it to end
so I will start cooking
the other fried egg sandwich
now
I've done that
do you like scrambled egg
yeah do you like a salmon yeah weird isn't it can I just I'm just going to call a halt So I will start cooking the other Friday sandwich now. I've done that. Tonight's Grumbled Egg? Yeah.
Shall I cook salmon?
Yeah.
Weird, isn't it?
Can I just...
I'm just going to call a halt to this.
Thank you so much for coming, Katie.
Ray has decided just to talk about every conceivable different type of egg.
What's your best omelette?
What's your best omelette?
No, mate, we're not doing this.
You've got to choose one.
We're not doing this.
She's got to choose one.
Let Katie read the credits.
She's going now.
What's your best omelette? Tomato and onion. Tomato and onion omelette.
There we go.
There we go.
That's it now.
I'm sure we're going to get in a bath.
Let's all go and have a bath together.
Do you want bubbles or not?
This is still quick fire?
Yeah.
Lots of bubbles.
Yeah.
So she can't see me.
All right.
We're going to go and have a bath now.
Peacock and Gamble.
Peacock and Gamble.
Katie Wilkins there.
Oh.
I wanted to put an arm around her.
Did you? Yeah, I really did. Dirty boy. I mean, I didock and Gamble. Katie Wilkins there. Oh. I wanted to put an arm round her. Did you?
Yeah, I really did.
Dirty boy.
I mean, I did it at some points.
Yeah, yeah.
And she was stroking my leg all the way through it, and it didn't feel overtly sexual.
No, no, no, mate, mate, mate, mate, that was me.
Oh.
That was me, sorry.
Oh, you've got lovely hands.
Yeah, thank you.
We didn't plug our show in the intro earlier on.
Oh, sorry, mate.
Well, we'll just plug it now.
Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anywhere 9.40 at the Pleasant Stone Dome.
Double plug, because we didn't do it in the intro. Okay, Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway. 9.40 at the Pleasant Stone Dome. Double plug, because we didn't do it in the intro.
Okay.
Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway.
9.40 at the Pleasant Stone Dome.
I'll do one as well.
All right.
Just in case we forget tomorrow.
Okay.
Hey, everyone.
Do you like fun?
Yeah, I do.
Come and have some fun then.
Where?
Oh, I'll tell you where.
9.40pm, Pleasant Stone Dome.
Oh, what?
It's on then.
Oh, Peacock and Gamble don't even want to be on telly anyway.
That sounds brilliant.
It sounds like it's been getting good reviews and selling out.
Yeah, nearly.
But yeah,
people have said nice things about it
and it's nearly selling out.
Yeah.
And it's really winding me up.
Yeah, I know.
Because if we'd have been
in like a 20 seater,
this would be ridiculous.
I know.
It'd be weird shows as well
if it's a 20 seater.
Yeah.
If our show was in a five seater, whoa. Sold out for the whole run. It'd be weird shows as well if it's 20 seater. Yeah. If our show was in a five seater, whoa.
Sold out for the whole run.
It'd be heaving.
In advance.
If we had no seats in our venue.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Completely sold out in advance.
Ooh, chaos.
Absolute chaos.
So if you want to be part of that hypothetical chaos, do come along to the show.
And don't forget, tweet about the podcast and our show as well.
Yeah.
And Facebook about it and all that sort of business that you do.
Or just speak to people
in real life
like they've done in the 70s
yeah
do you remember that
when they'd done all that
in the 70s
bangles
and Star Wars figures came out
and paedophiles
goodnight
okay
ready to go
yeah
go
the Pete Cove and Gamble
Edinburgh podcast
is a ready production
hosted by chortle.co.uk
today's guest was me
and my... oh right yeah
today's guest
was Katie Wilkins
and my show
Joy is my middle name
you're thinking about your show
just going oh it's so funny
what was your show again because I spoke over it
Joy is my middle name at 7.45pm at Denny Belly or Cowgate If thinking about your show, just go, oh, it's so funny. What was your show again? Because I spoke over it.
Joy is My Middle Name at 7.45pm
at Deli Belly or Cowgate.
Deli Belly or Cowgate.
Off Cowgate.
Off Cowgate.
Full music by Thomas Van Der Ey.
See you tomorrow.
There you go.
And I think,
do you know what?
I think you were the
12th best reader of that.
The 12th best reader of the credits.
You got Thomas Van Der Ey
without questioning it,
which is good
that's gating
should I do it
no no
you don't get
another chance
you don't get
another chance