The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 9 (Marek Larwood)
Episode Date: November 8, 2020"Edinburgh Fringe 2012 Episode 9 (Marek Larwood)" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 94 of 128....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Pickle and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Because it's on air, Peacock and Gamble's not playing Gamble, but it is right.
Peacock and it is out, Gamble.
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble.
Here they are.
I mean, I'll be honest with you, I think there are spiders living in that.
Oh yeah, are we straight in with this, are we?
This is the Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Fringe Podcast.
Put an extra word in it now.
Yeah, you have, haven't you?
Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Fringe Podcast.
You've made it exactly like Richard Herring's now.
Is that what he says?
Yeah.
All right, well, it's not that.
Right.
Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh Podcast.
Peacock and Gamble Glasgow Podcast.
Thank you.
I'm Ray Peavey.
Hello, I'm Ed Gamble.
And Ed Gamble in some distress.
Yeah, I've got a big spot on my neck in front of it.
I don't think it is a spot.
I don't think it's a spot.
I think it's a bug's house.
So, basically, it feels like a little egg.
And I really think
you should come to the show
tonight, guys.
Well, it's been and gone
since the show.
It was last night.
But you've probably read
in the news already
that Ed Gamble
has sadly passed on
after being on stage
and 17 spiders
crawling out of his neck
from a neck egg
that had arisen
just from the day before
which he had caught off Ray, who was a carrier.
No, it looks like you were on an exploratory mission.
Yeah.
Just straight off to Prometheus.
Yeah.
You've been on an exploratory mission.
You've been separated from the group.
Yeah.
And now you've turned up bat with that.
Yeah.
And we're all going, oh, that's quite nasty, isn't it?
But we don't know.
We don't know.
Jump out of your neck and kill everyone.
Just give them a jump out of the neck.
No, I think the baby will jump out of the neck.
Then it will find a little...
It will find somewhere warm to live.
Maybe in your bread.
Right.
And then you will go and get some toast one day and it will jump out.
I've just bought that nice bread from Sainsbury's.
Yeah, I think...
But I'm sorry, mate.
But unfortunately, I think my neck egg's going to hatch and the spiders are going to live
in your nice bread from Sainsbury's.
That's popping up my bread.
Yeah, sorry, mate.
I just spent £28 in Sainsbury's. That's popping up in my bread. Yeah, sorry mate. I just spent £28 in Sainsbury's.
Yeah.
Imagine that.
Imagine that.
And it's a Sainsbury's
local,
so I only got
three things.
It's ridiculously priced.
Yeah,
well you shouldn't
have gone there then.
Well where else
are we going to go then?
Go and buy me
something in the
middle of the road?
There's a cost cutter
across the road.
Is there?
Yeah.
Well from us?
Yeah.
We're giving a lot
away about our
location aren't we?
Yeah.
What the f*** is that Brunsfield place?
Yeah, fair comment.
How's that?
Yeah, top buzzer.
Someone buzzed on the door earlier.
Did they?
Yeah.
Salesman?
Yeah, well, not really.
Man from a charity.
They were...
Can you let me into the building?
Did you?
No.
Well, they were in the stairwell when I just came in.
Well, I didn't let them in.
Two blokes, and they looked like Christians, I'll be honest with you. No, they weren't Christians. They When I just came in Well I didn't let them in So you're blokes And they look like Christians I'll be honest with you
No they weren't Christians
They were from a charity
And I said
I don't normally live here
He said his name was Andy
I said I don't normally
Live here Andy
And I wouldn't feel right
Letting someone into the building
And I'm too busy
To give you anything
So I'm sorry Andy
Plus
I've got a big thing on my neck
Yeah plus Andy
I don't want you to come in
Because I'm worried
That a spider's going to
Jump up my neck
And eat your brain
Yeah and obviously
You're ashamed of yourself.
Yeah, exactly.
You're only like this, haven't you?
Yeah.
Just won't leave because of your pimple.
Yeah, anyway, anyone seeing the show last night would have seen that I was wearing a polo neck.
In reality, our show last night, so it wasn't the night you're listening to it, is the night before that.
Just call it Tuesday for sure.
No.
On Tuesday night, that show was lovely.
That was all sold out.
That was great, yeah.
Monday night all sold out.
Yeah, lovely.
We're expecting a drop-off on the Wednesday night.
Expecting a drop-off, although my dad's coming
with my brother and sister.
Do you know what?
I'm, I think, more nervous about your dad coming to the show
than I would be about my dad coming.
Really?
Yeah, well, actually now my dad had just,
he'd just shut up shop.
Yeah. He'd literally just sit there'd just shut up shop. Yeah.
He'd literally just sit there and just shut up shop.
Well, your dad simply wouldn't come, would he?
He wouldn't come, no.
No, he wouldn't come.
But also, you know, if it was for,
if it happened by accident,
like some sort of prank.
Yeah.
And he found...
If someone punked your dad.
Yeah, and he found himself.
He'd go, hey, come over here, meatloaf's on.
Yeah, meatloaf's...
Ooh, give us some of that.
Meatloaf's playing in a celebrity rugby league match.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, for sure.
Right, and then it's like,
no, ha ha,
surprise, surprise,
you're actually coming
to see your son.
You're actually here
to support your son
doing comedy.
He'd probably just
have a sleep.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, well, I won't
put that past my dad.
Having a sleep?
Yeah, having a little sleep.
Really?
Well, it depends
on how many pints he's had.
He once came and saw me,
I used to play in an orchestra
at school when I played
the bassoon.
Yeah, little known
fact, but you did.
And he went to see
some rugby union,
I'd say rugby union
because it's your
ear.
Oh, there we go.
Sorry, my seagulls
are playing up a bit.
Oh, right, sorry.
I think some of
them can smell the
death from my neck.
Actually, look,
it's not seagulls, it's vultures. Actually, looking,
it's not seagulls,
it's vultures.
Oh, here they come.
It's some vultures just circling around.
Here they come
to peck the rotting flesh.
Do you know what that is?
Puberty, that.
No, it's not puberty, mate.
Puberty, mate.
It's not puberty.
Your body's changing,
that's all it is.
Yeah, my body's changing
into some sort of massive boil.
It's horrific.
Puberty.
Anyway, so my dad came to see me.
He'd been to see me
from Rugby Union.
Right.
And he'd downed a lot of pints during the day, I think.
And then I sort of cast my eyes over in his direction
and I was playing my bassoon solo.
Fast asleep, snoring.
Really?
Snoring, right.
And everyone around him could smell the alcohol.
Now, I have to say, he does not have a problem with alcohol.
Now I'm going to get in trouble
you are again
again
what do we do if we
if he does that tonight though
what's our plan of action
it's good
it's not an enormous room
is it
so we'll see it
we'll see it
especially if it's quiet tonight
I won't smell it
we could play the game
that I like to play
when he falls asleep
just in the living room
what's that
see how many things
you could chuck it in
before waking him up
that's the best thing to do
we've got we've got quite a big set haven't we can I just can I pick up one of the flats and just throw it out see how many things you could chuck it in before waking him up. That's the best thing to do.
We've got quite a big set,
haven't we?
Can I just,
can I pick up one of the flats and just throw it out?
You don't start with that.
You start with soft things
like cushions or socks.
Darts.
And then as you move on,
we can build up to darts
in the entire set.
We've got darts in our set as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chuck a dart out of it.
Yeah, chuck a dart out of it.
Alright, it's a shame
that we're recording this yesterday
and you can't come to this show.
Yeah.
Because if you could come
to the show last night,
that's the night
when B-Gog and Gamble chucked darts at Ed's dad't come to this show. Yeah. Because if you could come to the show last night, that's the night when Big O can go
and we'll chuck darts at Ed's dad.
Because he was asleep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And hopefully he'll chuck one back and plop my neck.
This could be the perfect night.
This could be the night where they go, do you know what?
We are going to nominate them this year.
They set up lovely things.
Yeah.
So today's guest, we've got Merrick Larwood coming up.
Yeah, Merrick Larwood.
The comedian.
Comedian. Actor. Actor. Man. So today's guest, we've got Marek Larwood coming up. Yeah, Marek Larwood. The comedian. Comedian.
Actor.
Actor.
Man.
Entrepreneur.
Entrepreneur.
Entrepreneur.
A love machine.
Yeah.
Bald.
Bald.
All those things.
Yeah.
Is he deliberately bald, is he, Marek?
Deliberately bald.
Does he shave it, does he?
I have no idea, you know.
Looks like he shaves it to me.
These are just some of the questions we didn't ask Marek.
Yeah.
He was in We Are Clangers.
Yeah.
Is that what we're calling him? Yeah, he was in We Are Clangers
with Greg Davies and Steve Hall.
Yeah.
Do you know what?
When you see him,
when he comes on,
you'll go,
oh, it's him.
Yeah, when you see him.
Yeah, when the audience now,
they're like,
here he comes, Marek Low,
and they'll go,
oh, it's him.
You know this isn't visual?
What do you mean?
This is just audio.
How many have we done?
What was it?
Actually, nine this or something?
This is number nine.
So you've watched me
come in here every day,
putting a suit on,
and it's not cold in this flat.
Putting the suit on,
doing it,
and I have to have a shower
before the bath,
and I didn't actually do any of that.
Yeah, well,
that's the only way
I could get you in the shower.
If you'd have said to me,
come and get in the shower with me,
I would have done it.
Mate, you look lovely in that suit.
Thank you.
And no mistake.
It's just not cricket alright well
thank you very much
for that lovely compliment
but I want to start
doing it in Miss Crofts
and I've been seeing
Marek's show now
I think in the
interview at some point
I might say
I'm going to go
and see his show
or I've not seen his show
but I have now seen it
and it was
blooming excellent
these are all
technicalities that
you'll have to deal with as you listen to the interview.
Don't forget that our show, Peacock and Gumball, don't even want to be on telly anyway,
is at 9.40 every night at the Pleasant Stone. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, if you get the chance unless you miss it because you're too busy still telling the taxi driver where you want him to take you.
Yeah, to be singing
at a box office.
Yeah.
But here's our interview
with Marek Larr...
Oh, well done, mate!
Marek Larrwood.
Man of Giggle.
Peacock and Gamble,
Peacock and Gamble.
Here we are now
with Mark Larrwood.
Marek Larrwood.
Hello, Mark.
Funny you said it
because it's exactly the same thing
as Richard Herring said yesterday.
Did he really say that?
Yeah, he made a similar
sort of joke. Did he? Yeah. Right, well... He made exactly the same thing Richard Herring said yesterday did he really say that yeah he made a similar sort of joke
did he
yeah
right
he made exactly
the same joke
but one day
I can't believe it
I'm genuinely
going to cut it out
and
how was Mr Richard
Herring's podcast
that you did
I think he's a
dangerous man
why
he's masquerading
as a comic
yeah
but I mean
you did his podcast
before mine
oh yeah
and it went AWOL
probably because
you were funny
when he probably
binned it
it was exactly that
he went
oh the sound quality
is not good enough
then he meant
his quality
wasn't good enough
and our quality
was too high
what you said
but a longer way
of saying it
I like the way
you said it better
what happened with me
I came on
and you started
attacking me
just reattacking me
we should start
using our podcast
as like a sort of
debrief
for people who've
been on
Ritchie and Herring
the real story
yeah
really nice backstage
oh thank you for doing this
well we discussed that
you get on stage
and then he starts
attacking you
like oh
who's in the crowd
all your mates
at the front
all these people
that are there every day
licking his balls
pouring at his
greasy hair
and then laughing
at all these jokes
he's just laughing
at the intonation
Perry
well I'm sorry
that you didn't
enjoy that
how was it
afterwards
were you friends
afterwards
I just went
did you yeah
I just came out
of the stand
and I ran and ran
and ran
and now you're here yeah I've just been running for the stand and I ran and ran and ran and now you're here
yeah
I've just been running
for the last day
I missed my show
I just started running
until the pain went
are you having a nice show?
it's alright
is it your first solo?
this is my first solo show
in case people stop listening
to me talking
I'm going to plug it now
and that's the end
yeah yeah yeah
go for it
it's at 6.20 at the Pleasance.
It's called Typecast.
It's basically based on the fact that I Googled myself
at the start of the year,
and the top search was Maric Larwood retarded.
And I realised I'd become Typecast.
I've done a show about that.
I mean, to be honest, my flyerer,
I've caught him.
Basically, he goes out at five o'clock,
has a cigarette break until 10 to 6 he's one person the flyer at like 5 53 yeah and has a cigarette again i'm have been
getting like 20 people in i could do with a few more people that's 20 people from one flyer that's
not bad going it's a massive flyer yeah that's really good that's yeah like an eight foot thing
yeah that's right like a net what so he just
he actually rams people up
within the flyer
and they
inside the flyer
I mean yeah
the roof of the building
lifts off
and they get pulled in
I mean
a few of them are dead
by the time
I got out of the warden
but I mean
some of those
actually have been
reacting the best
the dead ones
but are you enjoying
doing the show though
there's a couple
I didn't enjoy
and now I'm actually quite
enjoying them now.
I think it's quite good.
It is a good show.
If you like fun and
you like laughing,
come and see my show
because you're bound
to have a good time.
What do you think
about that for a
jingle?
Try that again.
If you like fun and
you like laughing,
come and see my show
because you're bound
to have a good time.
I slightly changed
it that time.
Yeah, I like that.
Do you want to try it?
Okay.
If you like fun and
you like laughing,
why don't you come and see Marek's show?
You'll have a good time.
Nope.
If you like fun and you like laughing,
go and see Marek's show.
Much nicer.
You'll have a good time.
You didn't do the last bit, you forgot.
He didn't need to.
He didn't need to.
He did that sort of falsetto,
you know, doing the X Factor when they say words.
He did like runs on it. Yeah, people are going X Factor when they say words like that yeah
like runs on it
yeah people go and do runs
when they start talking
to people
which is what I do
are you bothered
about being time cast
in real life
a little bit
because it's quite boring
what's boring
basically
what happens is
in sitcoms
everyone's seen
there's always
certain sort of characters
and there's always
like a sort of
stupid mongery
you're not on Richard Herring's podcast.
You're not on
Richard Herring's podcast.
I hate Herring.
You just get the same
things over again
and I like to do
something a bit different.
I'm good at playing
the fool
but it's just a bit
boring.
It drives me insane.
I've done warm up
on some stuff
that you've been in
and you wander around
whining that you're
on telly.
What?
Wander around a TV studio going,
oh, I hate this.
I hate this.
I'm in a programme getting paid for it.
I hate all this, mate.
Yeah, Red Fence.
Very good.
Yeah.
Yeah, Red Fence.
We should fool people
that it's going to be an interview and then for the last
20 minutes of it, just rolling right in red
It's the best thing you can do
When you're feeling really depressed
just before you go on and do your show you just do that
Yay! Red face!
It's worth displaying to see the show
to see me do that isn't it?
Are you doing different characters?
No, no. It's it's just no what is it
please
I set the whole
premise of the show
that I've been
typecast
and I'm trying
to break down
that typecast
by doing
different sort
of things
genres and stuff
like that
and it's quite
it's almost
scientific really
but with loads
of jokes in it
do you know what I mean
it's such fun
to do
and everyone
comes out of it
and they're so happy
and it's so great
seeing people
change people's lives
in under 50 minutes
I think god
this is just really brilliant
you can't see
Maric now listen
obviously
but just to set up
what's happening
he's sort of mumbling
these identities
while he's found
a bit of thread
and he's playing with it
like a serial killer
can I just draw some tears
on your face
no
I'm not like you
about this though
where did you get yourself in that mood?
What mood?
That mood of going,
oh, I don't like this.
I don't like being in this.
I think I'm shy.
I get quite stressed.
It's quite frustrating
when you just go on
and you just do one line.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There aren't any jokes in the line.
Yeah.
And they've just got you to do,
look stupid.
Yeah.
And they did a bit where they said,
oh, we didn't do a scene
where you've got to dance around
and do something stupid. We haven't written it. Just do a scene where you've got to dance around and do something stupid
we haven't written it
just do it
so I've got to
take my top off
and dance around
because you haven't
written it
and you're just
going to go
you just do that
and we're going to
write everyone else's lines
but you have to
just do something funny there
and then just do
and do that
yeah
I was going to
get rid of that
just the thing
we always do at the end
but don't worry about it
don't worry about it
it's not
you don't have to do it
you can be one
of the ones
that didn't do it
so what sort of
parts are you after then
Marek
maybe we can use this
as a platform to
I like disco
you like disco
yeah yeah yeah
I've been watching
the gymnastics
and I think I could
do one of those
be one of those
so it's not just
you want to get out
of acting and comedy
completely
you want to do
like sports and dancing I want to be a sports actor so it's not you want to get out of acting and comedy completely you want to do like sports and dancing
I want to be a sports actor
so you know
when people see the Olympics
they go
I wish I'd been at the Olympics
to actually do
reruns of the Olympics
but me playing
like Jessica Ennis
and stuff like that
recreating it
but I'll just dress up as her
so you want to remake
the Olympics
yeah
the best bits of it
like some rowing bits
and that
and just redo it as me as the, and then people in the class.
I think that's a really good idea.
Would it be played for laughs, or just an exact recreation of what happens?
Yeah, exactly the same, yeah.
I mean, the commentators might have funny moustaches at the end of it, and that would be it.
That'd be the only thing.
That'd be the only thing, just to play people who don't know it's real, because you'd probably get done for copyright, wouldn't you?
I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know.
I've got a real feeling I'm still in bed.
I think I'm still in bed fast asleep.
Yeah.
Because I've been disturbed from my slumber, by the way, by Marek,
who decided he wants to come around three hours early.
Look, Marek came around here because he thought it was going to be a gentle, relaxing...
Yeah, it has been a gentle and relaxing, hasn't it?
He thought, I'll come around here because these two nice boys after the horrible Mr Herring yesterday. And he's come around and all it's been generally relaxing, hasn't it? I'll come round here and see these two nice boys after the horrible Mr Herring yesterday.
Yeah.
And he's come round
and all it's been so far is,
oh, you're walking around
like you don't want to be on the tour.
Oh, no, no, I wasn't.
You've woken me up.
I am tired,
but there wasn't any competition.
I was genuinely asking.
I'm really grateful for my opportunities
and I really enjoy it.
I thank you for where I am today.
I thank God and I thank my parents.
And I thank the people in agencies
who have given me work.
Alright? What shall we talk about now?
Have you had a pep talk before this, Edinburgh?
No. Has somebody told you
you've got to promote yourself good and you've got to be
a good boy? No, not at all. Not at all?
You're on your own? So this is
really you then? I'm just promoting it all myself.
Yeah. Because I wanted to
because I left
my old agent. Yeah. And I decided to because I left my old agent and I decided
to do it myself
and it's actually
promoting it
it's not as much work
as you think
in terms of office time
and it's not that
and a lot of the comics
get charged
a hell of a lot of money
for having their shows
promoted
and it's basically
two days of admin
and it's quite scandalous
when you do it yourself
I think actually
it's not as much work
as they make out
Now you've felt that will you now always do Edinburgh off your own back? I think it's quite scandalous when you do it yourself I think actually that's not as much work as they make out now you've felt that
will you now always do Edinburgh
on your own back
I think so
I think you do feel quite alone
when it comes to flowering
and stuff like that
and
it is
the first few days
are really stressful
when you're
you're getting up to PR
people contacting you directly
you're trying to get your show ready
yeah
you've got tech problems
and you have to be
a bit of an arsehole
yourself as opposed to
someone else coming in
and saying this isn't right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that is really stressful.
But it's just
financial reasons really.
Okay.
We did a bit of flyer
in on our show the other day.
Yeah.
Me and Ed
outside the dome.
I don't think we're very good at it.
I am good at it.
I am good at it, right?
Okay.
There's a flyer over there
but I'm giving you the flyer, right?
Imagine that in real life.
How much are tickets to see this?
That,
that,
that,
I've got no idea.
I'd pay double.
Thanks.
I'll pay double the going price.
Thank you.
You did tell someone a thousand pounds as well,
when they asked.
Yeah.
They said,
how much is that?
You went a thousand pounds.
Yeah,
that was stupid.
So they didn't come.
Imagine that though,
if you asked a million people,
and you said it was a thousand pounds.
Why would I pay it?
You need to sell
like 10-12 tickets
and then you're right
we should do that
12 tickets
where is there a million people
Olympics
Olympics yeah
the Olympics with flyers
yeah exactly
and there's going to be
some rich people there as well
yeah and then you
and you can come anywhere
because you need to watch it
to recreate all of it
for your
yeah I could
and also
maybe I could
pay for a space
in the back of your flyer
saying coming soon
Marek's
Marek's
Real Olympics
Real Olympics
that's great
yeah
that's great
I can't wait to see this
what things are you interested in
so I get an idea
what to do first
I'm not
see the thing is
I'm not interested at all
in the Olympics
not even
not even that
what about
what about
nope
and nah absolutely not but surely the nope thank you Not even Not even that Whatever it was What about Nope And
Nah
Absolutely not
But surely the
Nope thank you
Hello
Pick up and gamble
Pick up and gamble
Edit point
What happened there
Is Merrick said
Something offensive
What about Merrick
You can be offensive
I don't mind
Honestly
I'm not really
That offensive person
All I'm worried about
Is the time
Of ticking the clock now Because we've probably done 15 minutes
but he's got a sweat on
thinking fringe show, my show
my show got to promote my show
no I'm not, I'm just thinking I want this to be the best experience for everyone
and I'm always
I'm always sweating I find that
the last few days I've been on a permanent dump
there's a constant sheen across the head
that's another sweat thing though isn't it
where did it come from? I don't know. I get it as well.
I think it's a lot more walking than normal, isn't it?
A lot more walking and just a general level of raised stress.
Is it something to do with the mist, the sea mist collecting on you?
I don't know. I think there's a closeness to Edinburgh often.
And I think it can often make you feel hot even though
it's cold
that's exactly
right
it's a very odd
experience
some meteorologist
or some
who are the people
that deal with
glands
firemen
firemen
some firemen
should look into this
and then do some
experiments on
the weather
the sea mist
yeah the sea mist
that's all collecting
on your head
and if they send
firemen up here
to do it
or if they come
from somewhere else
in Scotland
hey
come watch the show
while you're here
that is brilliant
was that a plug
to try and get
firemen into the show
yeah
go and see
Merrick
then go and see us
it's the best fun
you'll have all week
my show's really
anti-firemen though
so it's fine
ours is very pro-fireman
I like the fireman
in ours
we should start
we've got a fireman
in ours
we've got a pole in ours
just in case
a what?
a pole?
yeah
fireman's pole
just in case
there's one there
that is
I mean that's
incredible foresight
what about if I was
a sailor?
yeah
what have you got
for me there?
I'm going to do
a different job
I'm going to tell you how I'm doing there? I'm going to do a different job.
I'm going to say, don't eat your biscuit when I'm doing this.
All right.
And I'm going to tell you the absolute truth.
Okay.
What do sailors, where do they work?
In the sea.
Yeah.
What on?
Boats.
What's one of the biggest threats to boats?
Sharks.
No, sharks don't really affect the boats so much.
What's one of the biggest threats to boats that are coming home?
Waves.
Rocks.
Rocks.
Why?
Because they can break the hull, the water will come in and the sailors will drown.
Where's me and Ed's show set?
On a rock.
In a lighthouse.
Thank you very much.
Really?
Yeah.
It's got a full lighthouse set.
We're inside a lighthouse.
So sailors... Look at his little eye. He's choking on his biscuit. That's incredible. I'm not going to get it for you. It's digested full lighthouse set. We're inside a lighthouse. So sailors... Look at his little eye.
He's choking on his biscuit.
That is incredible.
I'm not going to get it for you
the rest of this digested.
Oh, actually...
You can't...
So you said,
what if I'm a sailor?
I'm going to tell you
that's what, mate.
So you can do firemen.
You can do sailors.
Yeah.
How about this?
Go on.
I'm a coach driver.
Oh, you're a coach driver.
Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you
what we've got for you
to make you feel at home.
All right. We've parked the Golden Boy right outside. Great big coach're a coach driver, yeah? Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what we've got for you, make you feel at home. All right.
We've parked the Golden Boy right outside.
Great big coach, Golden Boy.
I don't know, I don't know, I've been reminded of my work.
For a coach driver, we've got seats.
They love seats.
And a coach driver always likes a seat, doesn't he?
Loads of empty seats, so he feels like he's just driving it back home after a long day at work.
And you've got a microphone, so he can do the actual, we'll just, so, point, wave, and do stuff.
Yeah, yeah, do all that.
Thank you for your journey.
Thank you for your, I hope you enjoyed the ride.
Something like that.
I don't know, what do they say?
Is this another character you can do?
I'm not doing this character.
I might do this next year.
The coach driver.
Yeah.
And it'll be like a tour on the way up to Edinburgh
with all the places.
We're going past Doncaster.
So your Edinburgh show next year will end up in Doncaster?
It'll be on the road.
Your show will be the journey to Edinburgh?
Yeah.
That's good.
So when you get there and then the Fringe has started, you're done already?
Do the show, write on toilet paper, stick it to the back of Trump's head, and then I go home.
Have you got a girlfriend, Mark?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, mate. What does she think about you? his head and I go home have you got a girlfriend Mark yeah yeah
what does she
think about you
I think she thinks
I'm bald
I don't mean
what does she
notice about you
oh right
I think she thinks
I'm nice
yeah lovely
she's a nice lady
she's coming up soon
okay
are you looking
forward to her
coming out
yeah I am
also I think
it's quite difficult
when you've got
partners coming to the fringe for the first I am also I think it's quite difficult when you've got partners coming
to the fringe
for the first time
they don't realise
it's actually work
and stress
yeah yeah
and I'm filming
this show called
Impractical Jokers
it's a hidden camera show
10 days in Edinburgh
so I'm going to be
filming it like
9 to 5
then getting back
and doing my show
and then
I'm going to be
in big trouble man
so you're almost going to be in big trouble, man.
So you're almost going to be no use to her?
Yeah.
And by, you know,
not because of anything she's doing,
but and her to you because it's like you're too busy.
It's a really difficult time, isn't it,
for like people around,
unless they know that you've got...
Unless they know, yeah.
It's an interesting thing
because people that don't know and don't get it
really don't get it.
How difficult it is and how
detached you need to be from that.
What I'd advise, mate, is
just before she comes up,
get loads of pussy before we're done.
Just while you're not as busy now.
Really just get on it and get as much
pussy as possible. That's what all the proper comedians are doing, right?
And we're just done.
You can come out on the pussy hunt with us.
Come out with us on the pussy hunt.
Me, you two, and Steve Kamos.
Nice.
Yeah, definitely.
He can lead the way.
We just cover all bases.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you know what other bases we cover?
We cover fun.
Who's fun?
Which one is fun?
Amos. Amos is the fun, nice. That We cover fun. Who's fun? Which one is fun? Yeah, this is fun. Amos.
Amos is the fun, nice.
That's his base.
That's amazing.
I didn't realise that's what base he was covering.
Kindness.
Is that it?
That's kind, okay.
That's fine, right?
You don't have to be nice.
And these are all the things that women look for, is it?
Yeah.
Excitement.
Is that right?
Our fans, right?
And Marek will be covering?
Touching.
Touching.
Marek does the touching.
So we've got Stephen K Moss doing the fun
so Stephen K Moss
goes in
he's like
hey girl
how's it going
he does the accent first
yeah okay
and then
yeah yeah
and then switches on them
I think he would do the accent
yeah
alright okay
he makes out
he does an accent
and gets them in
so do you want me to
well you're going to have to
unfortunately aren't you
well
I mean you're looking at me
like I'd have any shame
hello there girls nice to see you I am just here with me and three friends Well, you're going to have to, unfortunately, aren't you? Well, I mean, you're looking at me like I'd have any shame.
Hello there, girls.
Nice to see you.
I am just here with me and three friends at the Fringe.
And the reveal?
Actually, no, I'm quite posh.
And they're in.
Right, right, lovely.
They're in.
Right, and then I'm in.
I'm straight in.
Here comes Ellie with some kindness.
Oh, hi, Stephen.
I hope you're all right.
Hi, girls.
You all look very lovely This evening And may I say
I think whoever
Your previous partner was
I don't think they treated you
As one as
Very very good
Very good
Then Ray comes in
Being a bit exciting
Yeah
So
Oh
Tell you what
I could hit any of you
At any point
I could literally
Hit you in the face
At any point
Danger
Yeah
I probably won't
Because she's a nice laugh
and then I put my hands
on them
yeah
so Merrick you come in
I just put my hands
straight on them
yeah
on their face
breasts
arms
whatever bits are
sticking out the most
breasts usually
okay then then
yeah
and then we've got them
so that's it
perfect that's tonight's
word
so far
are you enjoying it
more or less
than being
in an ensemble
like when you
came to the clan
for three years
it's a very different
experience
let me tell you
because we talked
to Greg as well
Greg said that he
well we asked him
about which he preferred
yeah
and he said he felt
more validated
as a stand up
as I recall
he felt that was something
he had to do
in a credibility sense
but we discussed
the thing
but we really liked
when we said
we liked that
the idea of
when it's a bit
of a struggle
and it's a bit harder
and that
it's not
I mean as in
when it's happening
when you're doing the gig
it's nice to look
and see someone
there with you
it's nice to have
that sort of
you know
that scrum
feel about it.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm cheating
a bit this year
because my friend
Sophie Black, who
was in the
Tongues, who's
fantastic in my
show, was not as
a sort of bit of
a stooge in places
to have.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's
difficult to be on
stage for 50
minutes just talking.
I personally find it
quite boring listening
to one person
just bang on
I think in terms of
the difference between
for Clang
for me
in Clang
I didn't talk
I had the time
to mess around
and pull faces
and do stuff
because Greg was
the leader
the spokesman
of the group
so I just
intercut
and say things
so it was a lot more
a lot less stressful
and a lot less
to worry about
and you can just
look stupid
whereas when you're
going
when the whole script's
on you
I find it quite difficult
talking for 55 minutes
and I suppose
it's more stressful
when it's your name
on it as well
yeah definitely
it's hanging on your name
rather than
yeah there's a lot
and you feel like
you're going to get
you feel like the pressure
when you've been up
it's not like I'm doing
I'm new I feel like I'm going to be, you feel like the pressure, when you've been up, it's not like I'm doing,
I'm new,
I feel like I'm going to be judged,
because Steve and Greg have done it before,
and you know,
Steve was really,
really great,
I don't know if he got what he deserved,
and then Greg had a brilliant run,
and you can compare to them,
so it is a bit stressful,
I'm not the traditional stand-up,
I might do stand-up,
I do,
some of them do well,
and other times,
I just die horribly on my arm. Do you still, have you stopped doing stand-up, I'd do, sometimes I'd do well, and other times, I'd just die horribly on my arm.
Do you still,
have you stopped doing stand-up?
Yeah.
Completely?
Well,
I'm actually doing the BBC gig tonight.
So he's not. For cash,
even though I haven't done anything
for two years.
Right.
How much?
75 quid.
Uh,
yeah.
So,
so the price on your, I mean, this is lovely, Murray, the price on your,
I mean, this is lovely, Murray,
the price on your retirement,
because most people go,
oh, you know, you know,
he stopped doing it,
oh, he stopped doing it.
Oh, maybe in 20 years' time,
people will go,
hey, look, sunshine boys.
Hey, hey,
we're going to give you
over $500,000.
$500,000.
He's come back
and he's been a big comeback,
a big comeback.
And basically,
BBC have rung you up in the first week of the fringe and bunged you 75 quid and you've come back. You'll be the big comeback the big comeback and basically BBC everyone
get up in the first week
of the fringe
and bunged your 75 quid
and you've come back
you'll be on at midnight
75 quid
yeah I've looked
at how much I'm going to lose
and I've got literally
a really cold
sort of
thing of shit
I've got
if I do this
and I can do well
I mean I haven't done
that for two years
I just get some old stuff
out of a book somewhere
I haven't got my book with me I just try and I can do well, I mean, I haven't done something like that for two years. I just get some old stuff out of a book somewhere. I haven't got my book with me.
I just try and remember.
I'm just relieved to see you're back on the circuit, mate.
I think it's amazing that you're back.
I do like it a lot.
It's because I love it.
Is it when you do stand-up, it's character?
Is that right?
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm going to do my Brian character,
who is basically a bloke who's trying to write a film,
who's a sex offender.
Right.
And what upset me is a lot of people would say,
oh, you're doing that paedophile character again,
and I've never made any paedophile jokes about it,
or I'm just a sex offender,
which is pretty bad,
but it's slightly better than that.
But that's another typecast, isn't it?
Yeah.
Never mind.
Being typecast as a paedophile.
That's it again.
That's it again, yeah.
It does happen
again
yeah
it just happened
to me again
I think one day
you should just
do it
if everyone thinks
that you're doing
like a paedophile
character
you should just
go and be a
sex offender
maybe I have
oh
exclusive
no I didn't
I think he has
definitely
no he's a very
nice man
he's a very nice
man
yeah
he's very nice
he's really really nice so he is a very nice man yeah he's very nice he's really really nice
so you know
would you
go
obviously you've got
your big comeback
tonight at BBC
I can't believe it
if it goes well
if it goes well tonight
is that
are you back on
are you back on the horse
are you back on the circuit
when
Bart Thomas goes out
well battle logs
I think it'd be about
four days from now
this would be
you'll probably have heard
about this gig.
It's Sunday now.
This could be Black Sunday.
It could be a Blue Sunday.
Think about it.
It could be a Pink Sunday.
You do that gig tonight.
It's £75, right?
Yeah.
They're going,
Do you know what, mate?
We love that.
You take the note.
We'll give you £78.
We'll have you back next week for 78 pounds.
78 pounds?
Right, so then you've got your original 75 pounds,
you've got another 78.
I've got 153 bloody quid.
I know you have mate, 153 quid.
And you're in your amour.
And I'm still halfway to go to the Venn Festival.
And all you're doing mate,
all you're having to do is get on that bloody stage
and use your God-given talents on that stage.
Tell them, tell them, listen.
Listen.
Listen to me!
I am good at it! I'm good at this!
This is going really well!
How long do you have to do?
It's only 15 minutes.
I mean, if I get it down to six words a minute, that is approximately 60 signs.
I think that's 90 words.
All it is is 90 words.
Three long sentences away
from 75.
Just think of it like that.
Sounds bad, does it?
Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble.
You're out there tomorrow
with 75 pounds in your little pocket
and you can go and spend some of it. You can go out and spend
it. What do you think you'd buy
with your 75 pounds, Merrick?
I think I'll buy a postcard.
Yeah.
What would you like on it?
I'd like either the Queen or a Scottish image.
Right.
Guess how much you've got.
£75.
You can get both of them.
Okay.
I'll get two postcards then.
One with the Queen, one with the Scottish image.
One with the Scottish image.
I'll get a laminated map of Scotland. Yeah one with the Scottish image one with the Scottish image I'll get a
laminated map
of Scotland
yeah
why laminated
the weather
yeah
and other
difficulties
I'm going to
get
how much have
I got left
I've been
planning this
quite a lot
so if I
get a postcard
it'll be about
50p each
yeah
okay
one pound
well if you have an eliminated amount okay so you've still got 71 quid left I've been planning this. Quite a lot. So, I reckon your postcard would be about 50p each. Yeah. Okay. One pound, well,
if you have an eliminated amount.
Okay.
So,
you've still got 71 quid left.
Okay,
then I will get
a mechanical arm.
I'm going to put it
straight in the bin.
It always is a bizarre dream
that I wanted to put
a mechanical,
buy a mechanical arm.
Put it in the bin.
Talk about it for ages
with a bloke in the shop.
Test it out for ages
and get it fitted
and stuff like that.
Just bin it.
Yeah, and then just walk straight out
and there'll be a bin outside
and put it straight in the bin
really hard.
So he's definitely broke.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He definitely can't resell it.
It's been eight years
and I've been loads of email dialogue
with him about how it works
and stuff like that.
The mechanics.
I've got this Japanese architect's design
for years on end.
I think he would be beside himself.
He'd be shocked, wouldn't he?
I think he'd probably go into doing legs instead after that.
But then a year later,
a few more gigs under your belt,
get back in and get a leg.
I'm not into that sort of thing.
You don't like the legs?
More of an arm man.
You're more about binning arms than binning legs.
Yeah!
That's what it is! Peacock and Gamble, Peacock and Gamble. Merrick Lowood there. you're more about binning arms yeah than binning legs yeah that's right
yeah
be cooking gamble
be cooking gamble
Merrick Lowood there
well yeah
took some editing that
you know
did it
yeah a little bit
did it
because when I listened back to it
yeah
because we had a nice
but we were dead tired
on the day
yeah
you were more tired
because you've been up editing
I've been up till 7 editing
yeah yeah
but we've just said that now
but I'm pretty sure
that I cut that out of the edit
right okay saying that I've been up to this to try and hide it but yeah I've been up to the 7 I Yeah, yeah. But we've just said that now, but I'm pretty sure that I cut that out of the edit. Right, okay.
Saying that I've
been up since,
trying to hide it.
But yeah, I've
been up since seven.
I also had a lot
of help with the
editing from Laura
Barron again.
Laura Barron's
been doing a lot
of our editing
so we appreciate
that.
But, sorry, I'm
just going to,
can I just trim
these hedges while
I'm talking to you?
Yeah, that's fine,
you just trim the
hedges.
Yeah, I'm just
going to trim these
hedges while I talk
to you.
Yeah.
So what, sorry.
Keep going, mate,
keep trimming the
hedges. It's a difficult bit this here now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So what... Keep going, mate. Keep trimming the hedges.
It's a difficult bit this here, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Your goals have gone, I noticed,
but what you decided to do is start trimming the hedges.
It's very difficult when you're interpreting,
but you're also trying to do an Edinburgh Fringe.
Trying to get everything in at the same time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But when I listened back to it,
it sounded quite downbeat, the whole interview.
Yeah.
Are you done now, by the way, with the hedges?
I might do a little bit.
Okay.
I might do a little bit in a minute.
I'll have a little chat with you now, first of all, and then
I'll see whether or not I decide to just
trim some more hedges. Yeah, okay.
Actually, my seagulls
are on the way.
My seagulls are coming on now, which
is a bit weird, because they don't know me come back when I'm trimming
the hedges. No, they don't, no. Scared of the noise.
So, yeah, so we edited
it, me and Lauren between, as best as we could to sort of lift it up a little bit. Yeah. So, yeah, so we edited it, sort of me and Lauren Tween
as best as we could
to sort of lift it up a little bit.
Yeah.
But, you know,
Marek was having a bit of a whine
as he sometimes does.
Yeah.
It was warm in the flat as well
and Marek kept mopping his brow.
He did, didn't he?
And sort of pushing sweat
back over his head.
I've got a towel on stage
at our show now, haven't I?
You do.
You turn into Meatloaf.
Yeah, I've turned into that bloke.
I am the bloke,
Stephen KM or Stephen.
I am the bloke.
He's on stage now, doing my comedy now, doing it so well, I get so sweaty, I have to have a real towel.
We've had to ask Sophie, our stage manager, who's becoming a regular tits on this podcast.
You know, massive tits.
Massive tits, nice girl.
We've had to ask her specifically for a hook so Ray can hang his towel up on the stage.
Yeah, genuinely true.
Ed's got a kimono on one hook and I've got a towel on mine.
Yeah.
But do come and see the show.
Please do. It's going quite well. genuinely true Ed's got a kimono on one hook and I've got a towel on mine yeah but do come and see the show please do
it's going quite well
yeah it's going
actually secretly
very well
but we will
always be self-deprecating
yeah
weird shit
where is it at that
it's on at 9.40
it's called
pick up the cab
don't leave all the
bill telly anywhere
9.40 at the
Pleasant Storm
dum dum dum dum
dum dum
and keep downloading
the podcast
tell your friends
about it
Twitter about it
Facebook about it
all the things
that we do with children
we're number 5 at the moment in the charts.
We don't want to be number one.
Number two.
We want to be just number two
next to Richard Herring.
And then we're going to kill Richard Herring.
That's a publicity stunt.
See you again tomorrow.
Here's Merritt with the credits.
The Peacock and Gamble Edinburgh podcast
is a ready production
hosted by
www.chortle.co.uk
Today's guest
was
Marek Lawood
and my show is
Typecast
at the Pleasant
Beside
6.20pm
All music by Thomas
Fun The Ray
see you tomorrow
thanks bro