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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello there.
Hello.
It is the second one now.
Yeah.
Number two.
Number two.
Out of it, out of however many there are going to be of it.
Right.
Number two, you don't want to say number two out of what?
Out of however many it will be. No, but do you want to say the be of it. Right. You don't want to say number two out of what? Out of however many it will be.
Do you want to say the name of it? No.
I'm going to keep it secret.
Why are you keeping it secret? Because they'll
make it mysterious. Right, okay.
Then it will be the internet sensation
where nobody knows what it is.
Or where to get it from.
Only people that listen to it now are people that
accidentally pressed subscribe last week. And then they're now going to Vera and saying, Yeah, and the only people that listen to it now are people that accidentally pressed subscribe last week
and then they're going,
they're now going to Vera
and saying,
Vera,
I've got that podcast again.
It's come on again
and I don't know who they are
and they won't even say
what the names are
and that,
yeah,
okay,
that is the rule,
right?
And you can't turn it off
until we say our names.
Is that,
that's the rules,
is it?
So that is the rules
of the internet,
right?
As they listen to it now,
right?
You're not allowed to turn it off until we say our names. That is mysterious. rules of the internet right? As you can listen to it now right? You're not allowed
to turn it off
until we say our
names.
That is mysterious.
It is like 24.
Yeah it's sort of
sexy as well isn't it?
Yeah it's sexy and
mysterious.
It's like you don't
know who is the
buddy in it yet or
you don't know what
the names or what
everyone is about in
it.
You don't know who
they are yet so you
gotta keep listening
so you can't turn it
off until one even
me or Ed or both
says our names.
So until I say that I am Ray Peacock you can't turn it off until one, even me or Ed or both, says our names. So until I say that
I am Ray Peacock, you can't turn it off. Yeah, or until I say that I am Ed Gamble as well.
Yeah. And both of them know. Yeah, until one of us says that it's the Peacock and Gamble
podcast and it's the second episode, then you're not allowed to turn it off. And that
is the rule and that is official now. You've signed that.
Well, the first episode came out and was very successful.
Yep, I think so.
Have you had lots of offers or not?
Yep, loads of offers.
I have had a lot of offers as well since the first episode came out last week.
For telly and radio.
Yeah, telly, radio.
Juggling.
Dancing.
Yeah.
Been offered a dancing job in Soho.
Yeah.
So I might do that.
You should do that.
Because I think I've got a good look about me that I'll be able to
do that.
Yeah, you're a little boogie-er.
Yeah, and we're going to be on the radio now, it's a bit of an exclusive, we are going to
be on Radio 1.
That is the one we're doing, isn't it?
Yeah, playing our music.
Yeah, we are on Radio 1, and we're going to play all the best songs.
No, we are doing, they are letting us do the talking, and we make our own records.
That's right. I forgot.
Oh, I've said it wrong.
Yeah, we do.
What happens is on our new Radio 1 show, what we are definitely doing,
and we are on in the mornings and the afternoon and late at night,
we are doing just talking to each other about things.
Yeah.
And having phone-in.
Yeah.
From us.
Yeah.
We are doing the phone-in, but also there's a little section in some of them where people on the outside are allowed to ring in.
Right.
So you can ring in if you want, by the way, and the number is 01818055.
That is the official number of Radio 1, I think.
So ring up for the Peacock and Gamble show.
Yeah, that is what it's called.
Yeah, and we'll do that, and we will play all the music, and we will do our own music on it.
Yeah, do our own records.
Yeah, it is one of the ballads that we are going to do.
Oh, I love you
Because you are my girlfriend
And one day if you leave me
Then I will done a crime
And I will hope that you come back
And I will be well sad on it Hopefully you you come back and I will be well, Sardony.
Hopefully you will come back and then I will again smile.
So that is one of the ballads.
That is number one.
Yeah, that is one of the ballads we're doing.
And we're also doing a novelty record.
Oh, really?
Yeah, which is this one.
Oh, I've got a funny little friend, his name is Fred the Frog.
He comes round my house sometimes and other times lives on a log.
Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog.
He visits my friend Ed at his little bed seat.
And he goes in the house and sometimes he will eat it.
I don't mean he eats the house, I mean he eats the leaves.
What Ed collects from him from the park in the autumn.
What Ed collects from him from the park in the autumn Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog
Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog, Fred the Frog
So that is our novelty record
And we are doing a rap one as well aren't we?
Yeah we are doing a rap but you're in charge of that because you are young and hip hop
Yeah I know I'm well hip hop mate
Okay I've got the rap going on now
Here we go
Alright Oh yeah come on Come on young and hip-hop. Yeah, I know, I'm well hip-hop, mate. Okay, I've got the rap going, I'm not. Here we go. Right.
Oh, yeah,
come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Who there is there standing on the street corner?
What's that lady doing?
Yeah.
I'm her pimp.
She sell,
um,
her,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I,
what do I, what do I, what do a prostitute don't forget we are doing a ballad and a novelty record as well so don't be put off
just by the rap and
the hip hop because
we are doing there
will be good stuff in
it as well so yeah
can't believe you
ruined that
can't believe I had
the opportunity to
do that radio one
might ring us up now
and say they don't
want us to do it
because
no it's not it is
that is modern
post-modern
I have brokered the
deal yeah right to
get us on a radio one
and then I've come up
with two good songs
and you come up with
a stupid rap record
brilliant rap
it didn't even work
mate the kids will like it
no what you've got to do
in rap records
is you've got to go
yeah come on
huh huh
yeah
I'm walking down the street
I'm a
and
no
that's putting out
all the swearing
yeah just on Radio 1
that would be like that
yeah because it'd be on Radio 1
yeah yeah yeah
right so
if the controller of Radio 1 is listening at the moment I don Yeah, because it'd be on Radio 1, you'd hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, so if the controller of Radio 1
is listening at the moment,
I don't know who it is,
Janice Long or someone.
Chris Moyles.
Yeah, right.
I'm sorry about that.
And Ed, he's just tired today.
Yeah, that is the problem.
Now it's time,
as we will be doing every week,
to reveal what last week's
deliberate mistake was.
You probably heard at the end of last week's podcast that we said there was a deliberate mistake in the episode.
Well, we will now reveal what the deliberate mistake was last week.
And if you got it right on the Facebook page and that, then you will win the competition.
Deliberate mistake last week was, I said I could be Ed's dad.
Yeah.
Right, if you'd done the maths, I couldn't.
Because Ed is 23.
Yeah. And I am nearly 36. Yeah. You are 36, aren't you? Not 36 yet, Yeah. Right? If you'd done the maths, I couldn't because Ed is 23. Yeah.
And I am nearly 36.
Yeah.
You are 36, aren't you?
Not 36 yet, no.
Right, okay.
I'm 36 next week.
So then,
I couldn't be your dad
because you're...
36 take...
I was 13
when I lost my virginity.
So 36 take 23
is 13.
But...
But...
No, but I couldn't be
no you've got to go
the nine mums haven't you
yeah right
but I could have
could I be or not
that is a deliberate mistake
but yeah
actually
well I couldn't be his dad
anyway I didn't even know
his mum then
I could be his dad
you bloody idiot
of course I couldn't be his dad
that is a deliberate mistake
so well done all the people
that got that
on the Facebook
and that
so well done and you people that got that on the Facebook and that.
So well done.
And you're all winners that week for the competition.
And you win Go Wembley.
So well done for winning Go Wembley. You do that when you see something on it that you like.
And then go it.
Just tell them on the door that I said it was alright.
He has a stand at the back.
So have a nice time watching that and we will do more competition winners next week.
Now, Ray.
Hello.
Hello.
I like what you're wearing today.
Thank you. You're wearing a little blue
t-shirt quite big really yeah well it's still too little for you no it's not it is i can see
your busts on your belly yeah and you've got shorts on today don't you knees in that and
you're wearing sandals flip-flops i saw when you came in and you had a cap on as well yeah
summer it was lovely because it is a hot day yeah you're coming all nicely dressed you're
wearing a woolly beanie and dark trousers.
Yeah, well, that's all right.
Don't have my home, aren't I?
You can't knock how I'm dressed.
I'm not knocking it.
I just described it.
John Candy.
I was just describing it.
Anyway, what were you saying?
I was saying last week you were not whining,
but no, you are upset that you couldn't catch a break.
But I think you shouldn't be turning down good jobs.
What good jobs am I turning down?
You have recently turned down for doing a warm-up on Big Brother's Big Quiz.
That was ages ago, turning that down.
Yeah, but it was on the other night.
Oh, was it? Okay.
Yeah.
How was it?
It was brilliant.
Okay, have I missed out?
Mate, if you want a good audience, I'll tell you who you need, right?
Right.
All people who have been in Big Brother before.
Was it really that?
Yeah.
Oh, fucking like an audience with Big Brother?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus works. It's a good job of turning it down, isn't it? Yeah, I loved it, mate. Well, really that? Yeah. Oh, fuck it, like an audience with Big Brother? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jesus works, it's a good job of turning it down, isn't it?
Yeah, I loved it, mate.
Well, I was working that night anyway, in my defence.
Yeah.
I couldn't do it anyway, I was doing the gig at Bratton,
or Bratton or Comedy Cellar,
which will always take precedent over anything, really.
I think, really, I would have liked you to have done it,
because it would have been a good story,
and, I mean, in the papers, when you killed four of them.
Yeah, because that would have possibly happened.
Yeah, I think, by the sounds of the show last night,
I think whoever was doing the warm-up,
something did happen anyway.
Right.
They weren't really laughing, no.
Okay.
No, and there was just a lot of shouting and swearing.
But then again, I suppose if you, you know,
base a show around non-entities in a TV studio.
Yeah.
I mean, I understand Big Brother,
and I know why people like it.
It's not for me at all.
Yeah.
But I understand why people like it and that.
I do get it about why idiots would like it.
I understand.
What I understand is, is why someone with a
mental deficiency
would be entertained by it.
I always watch The First Night and I'll put my hands up to that.
Right, well I'm not even going to watch that.
But the thing is... It's like having a little
tour around a mental hospital.
I think it's good that there's something on the telly for them. I think it is good that there is something on the telly for them.
I think it is good that there is something on the telly for those people.
I'm not sure that it warrants the amount of hours they put on for them.
Okay.
But I think it is good that they have, you know,
what I would call a special programme for the special people.
Yeah.
They should have their own television programme.
And you should do warm-up on it.
And I certainly shouldn't.
That's a good job I didn't do that then.
Yeah.
Because I was worried about it anyway because I thought it would ruin my warm-up on it and i certainly shouldn't that's a good job i didn't do that then yeah because i was worried about anyway because i thought it would ruin my warm-up cv right okay because my warm-up cv is actually pretty good yeah it's got like sort of jonathan
ross all right don't talk about that again uh french and saunders i did yeah deal or no dealer
did i've got a sense of that one as well yeah round the bird and fortune yeah what other good
ones have i done it crowd it crowd yeah that was, that was good. TV Bird. And I didn't want
in the middle of that
Big Brother's Big Quiz.
I'm quite harsh
in my judgement
on television programmes
so I only watched
the really good ones
that have been well made
and put together
and I've got a soul to them.
Right, okay.
For example,
I like Jeremy Kyle
which I watch every day
and I'm not even saying
that in an ironic way.
I actually do watch it every day.
Right, okay.
We met the man of Jeremy Kyle.
Yeah, we met the man
who hands out the DNA results.
I had a gig the other day
outside the box
in Kingston, London.
Yeah.
Lovely gig.
Really, really nice.
Yeah, it was lovely, yeah.
And one of the acts was
I can't remember his second name.
Will, his name's Will.
Sentence.
Will Sentence his name is.
He's the bloke who comes on
and gives Jeremy Kyle
the DNA results.
Yes.
And the lie detector results.
I was quite starstruck.
Were you really?
Yeah, a little bit, yeah.
Okay, I didn't...
Because it's such...
It's a weird person to meet because you do see them a lot,
but you would never think that they're a celebrity.
Yeah, it's quite odd that, isn't it?
Because, do you know what?
I didn't even recognise them and I do watch it every day.
Yeah, yeah.
But he said we can go and watch it in Manchester.
Oh.
And I said that we probably shouldn't.
But I think we should.
Well, we're having a dispute about this.
Yeah.
If they have to keep
stopping the programme
because we're laughing
or shouting or whatever
then it would cost us.
It would be a story
though.
What would be a story?
For us.
What being chucked
out of the Jeremy
College?
Yeah.
There's plenty of
people who walked
off that or been
chucked out of it.
But no one's been
chucked out of it
out of the studio
audience for laughing
too much.
I watched Trisha yesterday.
And they have...
I'm Trisha.
I really don't like Trisha as a person.
And I don't.
I really don't like her.
I love Jeremy Kyle.
Ooh, that Trisha.
No, but I think there's something about Jeremy Kyle where I think he has a little bit of
credibility about him.
Right.
Because I actually don't think, underneath it all, I don't think he does think he's superior.
Okay.
I think Trisha really does think she's superior.
Yeah, probably.
Because she spoke on that programme far more than any of the guests.
Like, significantly more.
To the point where, when I watched it in bed, where I shouted at her at one point,
I went, let him speak!
Do you think she's misunderstood?
They've gone, right, we've got a new show for you.
Call Trisha.
Oh, a show all about me!
No, no, it's a chat.
Show Trisha!
She kept talking about going, well, I know it's a chat. Oh, Trisha. Trisha.
She kept talking about going,
well, I know about drugs
because of my sister,
my late sister.
I was like,
oh God, don't start all that.
I don't even know what it is.
You know,
ever been somebody
should mention some sort of cancer
and she'd be off on one going,
oh, I have had that.
And we'll talk about it
for ages and ages.
Thank you.
Do you know what
one of the stories was on Trisha?
What?
Honest to God,
it was a woman and her husband or partner or whatever
who lived in a house, right?
240 quid had gone missing.
They reckoned it was the drug addict's brother of the girl.
Yeah.
Right?
And they were going to find out today who nicked it.
And how were they going to find out?
Do you know how many guests he had from that family?
How many?
Seven.
It was like, right,
you had the drug addict,
right?
You had the
girl,
her husband,
the dad,
the sister.
Colonel Mastodon
Professor's dad.
Yeah.
It was fucking
ridiculous.
Yeah.
And they didn't
find out.
No,
of course they didn't.
And then a counsellor
on there,
right?
He was about
14,
right?
And he came on,
you know,
like Graham on
Jeremy Kyle.
Yeah.
And he went,
right,
do you think this lad has got
a problem with drugs
and he went
I don't think it's
so much the drugs
I think he's got
a mental illness
right
there was no evidence
of a mental illness
he was clearly
just a smack addict
I saw an amazing
Jeremy Kyle the other day
these two people
quite fat
me and you are fat Ed
they were proper fat
right
they couldn't film
them both at the same time
even on the wide shot they were only just getting them in and they were on you have to press
the red button see the other one decide which one you want to watch on the red button but they were
on there and the reason they were on there was because they both suspected the other one of having
an affair they had a lie detector test will came on our great mate will yeah and the lie detector
test said that neither of them were lying and Jeremy Kelly you know he sometimes just goes off
on one yeah and he's and he's like getting really angry with them
because he's going what why are you two in a relationship together what's the point of this
why would you even have a relationship together you're not suited to each other you bet neither
of you get anything from it you're not happy with her she's not happy with you why is it what is the
point of this relationship what when was the last thing you shared what was the last thing that you
two shared together that you both feel passionately about, right?
And the bloke said,
Nando's.
Fucking Nando's.
And he just sent them out of the studio.
For Nando's?
Yeah.
Thank you for reminding us of that, Jeremy.
We are off down to Nando's.
Jeremy Carr went, Oh, I could murder a Nando's. Go are on down to Nando's. Jeremy Kyle went,
Oh, I could murder a Nando's.
Go and get us a Nando's now.
Bring one for everyone.
We'll give you the money from the petty cash.
I ran scared the other night
because my internet stopped working.
Yeah.
And I rang him up to fix it, right?
And then after a few conversations,
he went,
I'll just try turning the
wifi box off
and on again
that might help
and I went over
to it
and I couldn't
get the thing
out the back
of the wifi box
so I thought
I'll just fucking
put it in the wall
unplugged it
phone went off
because my phone
was plugged into the wall
I'd held for
50 minutes
and then I'd break back and I'd held for 50 minutes.
I'd get going,
oh, they've called me back.
Fuck all.
Nothing.
Didn't it work?
Didn't it, bollocks?
Should we just fuck this off?
Yeah, all right, mate.
Should we just fuck this podcast off?
Go to the fair or something?
I'm hungry.
I am hungry.
Yeah.
I got up quite early this morning and I've not really eaten.
What do you want?
I cut up loads of fruit.
I know, I saw.
But I've not eaten any of it.
And then, yeah, you spent about half an hour cutting up fruit and then put it away.
Yeah, put it in the fridge.
Yeah.
In Tupperware.
Yeah.
Surely somebody can invent Tupperware now that doesn't taste food.
Surely in the... I mean, it's the 90s now. Surely somebody can invent something that doesn't make your food taste of Tupperware now that doesn't taste food. Surely, I mean, it's the 90s now.
Surely somebody can invent something that doesn't make your food taste of Tupperware.
I just find that when you cut up a load of fruit, you don't want it then.
That's a nice little observational bit.
You know when you cut up a load of pineapple, you don't want it after that, do you?
Eh? Eh?
Who's with me?
Wow, tough crowd.
I had to get up early this morning
because my shower's broke.
Yeah.
So I had to get up early
to not have a wash.
No, I had to get up early
because a plumber came.
Yeah.
Right.
Now, my shower is less than a year old.
Right.
Came in to look at it,
him and his little mate.
Came through,
I was in the office, right?
Yeah.
Came through to the office
and I went,
he said,
is it fixed? And he no fucked and i went what and he went fucked mate and then i sort of got
this feeling i felt like i was being told off right and it was like you've ever seen them um
adverts for calgon the washing machine for calgon tablets washing machines live longer with calgon
you know how that plumber on that advert
is just slightly condescending?
Yeah.
And just slightly sort of like,
tell you what, right,
if you don't use these tablets right,
then it's your own fault.
Yeah, it's your fault
you've got a limescale
on your vending pipe.
Right, and that's what it was, right?
He went,
the shower head,
full of limescale,
backed up,
burnt out all the insides.
And I went, right,
he went,
have you been soaking it in vinegar?
You know not what to say because if you
had been that might have been the problem with it yeah i haven't we're not supposed to do that
i didn't know what the right answer was yeah right have you a been soaking it in vinegar
b been eating it with an hammer or c just using it normally and hoping that it would fucking work
in less than a year right and i was I was like, no, I've not.
And he went, well, that's your problem then.
And I went, since when did we have to start soaking our showers in vinegar?
What was that rule brought in?
That's since how clean is your house.
But he was doing it like it was my fault.
Yeah.
And I was going, it's less than a year old.
No one I know does that or has to do that.
But I didn't even know that you were meant to do that. Yeah, exactly. He doesn't say that in instructions. No. I know does that or has to do that. But I didn't even know that you were meant to do that.
Yeah, exactly.
It doesn't say that in the instructions.
No.
I would imagine.
I've not even looked.
Imagine if I look at the instructions now
and it says in big letters in red at the front,
make sure you soak your shower head in vinegar once a month.
The shower's called Vinegar Shower 4000.
But it was once a month.
And I was like, what the...
No one does that.
I just get up and have a shower.
I just stand under it.
When did water start putting limescale in fucking everything?
You should have said,
I can't use vinegar because every time I do that I need chips
and I'm fat enough or whatever.
Maybe I could put salt in my hair
and vinegar in the shower and then eat my own head.
That's disgusting.
If that's right, if anybody knows and can tell us,
if that's right, That you're meant to soak
Shower heads in vinegar
Once a month
Right and that is an efficient
That's a government instruction
Now that I've just missed
Then let us know
That's cheating Conkers
Yeah
You had this shower head in vinegar
Yeah cheat
Right you're disqualified
You've made it too hard mate
It's not fucking fit for purchase.
That is not a 100.
You can't have that.
Nothing should have
to be soaked in vinegar.
No.
Apart from pickled onions.
I was really,
really cross about it.
So yeah, let us know.
If you know that's right
or not, let us know.
Or if you think
that the correct thing
is when you buy a product
that it should work
for at least
a fucking year
without being soaked in vinegar.
I might write to my MP.
Yeah.
Who is my MP?
I've no idea.
I don't even know what.
I don't even know what.
Hey, it's boating day today.
It is.
Have you voted?
Yep.
Have you or not?
No, not at all.
I've not voted.
I'm not voting.
No.
And I always feel slightly guilty
when I don't.
I don't.
I've got a polling card, right?
And I'm still using my polling card.
Just using it to stop the table wobbling.
I've just folded it up and put it under the leg.
I've spoiled my voting slip.
Have you?
Took it to the fair.
Bought it loads of chocolate.
I took it to the fair
and got it a massive bag of donuts.
And it was never going to eat all of them.
Put me sat in a car park
afterwards and ploughed
through them.
Right, and then I said
do you want fish and chips
as well?
And I'm only doing all that
because I've split up
with his mum.
We're in competition.
Why did you not vote?
It just all passes me by
that sort of thing.
Right, okay.
I made a conscious decision
not to vote.
I don't, I can't vote anymore.
I've been a staunch Labour voter all my life and, I can't vote anymore. I've been a staunch
Labour voter all my life
and I now can't vote Labour.
I certainly can't vote Conservative
after I saw them
butcher fucking communities
where I'm from
in the North West.
Liberal Democrats
I guess I could vote for
but I just can't,
you know,
it's not just this
whole expensive thing
that's been going on.
I just can't be dealing with them.
No.
I can't be the one
going,
I know the BNP might get in.
I'm like,
I couldn't give a fuck.
Honestly, let them get in. They'll soon find out the hard way. Yeah. You can't deal with them going, I know the BNP might get in. I'm like, I couldn't give a fuck. Honestly,
let them get in.
They'll soon find out
the hard way.
Yeah.
You can't,
they can't pass any laws
because they've got to still get
the backing of other parties.
Yeah.
They've still got to have
referendums on things.
Yeah.
So they can't actually
fucking do anything.
And if they get in in Europe,
they're fucked there,
aren't they?
They are,
aren't they?
It's like,
oh,
you've got to go live in France.
What?
Right. hello.
I am the new member
of Europe
from the BNP.
I hope we can all get on.
But don't come my house!
And don't forget forget at some point
during the episode today
there will be
a deliberate mistake
as there is every week
and you can write to us
on the Facebook page
for the Peacock and Gamble podcast
and you win a prize
you'll get a prize
if you spot it
brilliant prize
it will definitely be there
I mean this week
like your word
people go Wembley
so do write in
and let us know
if you spot a deliberate mistake
that featured this week
on the Peacock and Rumble podcast.
Right, so,
what were you saying?
Time for our regular section
that we do every week.
Letters to get some free stuff.
Easy done, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Right, so, Ed, you've written us a letter this week.
Last week we were telling you about we want to get as much free stuff as we possibly can
by writing essentially complaint letters to organisations to try and get free stuff.
And you have written one.
I have. I've written one to Princess Confectionery.
Princess Confectionery.
I'm not familiar with these.
Yeah.
I think they're quite a small company.
Okay.
But I bought some marshmallows the other day, some giant marshmallows.
Right.
Will the fact that they're a small company, now, does that mean we're more likely to get
stuff or less likely to get stuff, do you think?
I'm not sure, you know.
We have to learn these things as we're going along.
Yeah, I think this is...
When we're doing this... What would this be? This would be conspiracy to fraud, do you think? I'm not sure, you know. We have to learn these things as we're going along. Yeah, I think this is... When we're doing this,
what would this be?
This would be conspiracy to fraud,
wouldn't it?
It would be a crime of sorts.
Yeah, I think what we're doing
is against the law.
Oh, very much so, yeah.
Yeah, that's controversial, isn't it?
Yeah, so number one, please.
I think conspiracy to fraud
is what it is.
We're trying to defraud them
out of their stuff.
What you'll find is that
I don't explicitly ask
for anything free.
You don't ask for it,
that'll be the trick with it,
alright.
Right, see you later then.
All right.
To whom it may concern,
slash,
Elo Princess.
It is with great regret
that I put pen to paper
to spill my inky complaint.
Your marshmallows have been a large part of my life
and my family's life
for many years
and it is only now
that they have truly let us down.
They have always been wonderful to us, whether on a picnic, in my son Fraser's lunchbox,
Fraser?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
Or as an accurate representation of my wife's eyes on the model of her on our wedding cake.
Brackets, she has a condition.
It is my son Fraser about whom I write to you now about.
We purchased a packet of your giant marshmallows during a recent trip to a funeral,
and Fraser was...
And Fraser was giddy with excitement about tucking into what he describes as
a nice bag of yum pillows.
When he tore into the bag, we discovered that nestled amongst the giant marshmallows,
tucked into a cleft towards the middle, was a tiny marshmallow. To anyone else, this would be vaguely amusing.
But Fraser is a sensitive lad, and he became worried that the mini marshmallow was being
bullied by the bigger ones. He has been learning about bullying at school, and thinks that
just because a sweet is smaller, it shouldn't be picked on. Fraser himself...
Fraser himself... Fraser himself
has been bullied in the past, and this
situation has reminded him of it.
Admittedly, he wasn't bullied because
he was a smaller marshmallow. It was because
he had a big face, but that's not the point.
Keep it consistent, though. That is good.
Keep it consistent. In case they
cross-reference with other companies.
I have enclosed the marshmallow
with this letter, because frankly, I'm fed up of keeping it in my pocket
to protect it from the bigger boys.
If you could please send some photos of the mallow,
brackets, or as Fraser calls him,
Lil Buddy,
having fun.
Maybe on a rollercoaster or doing karaoke.
Just to set Fraser's mind at rest.
Anyway, I will let Fraser finish the letter
as he needs practice with his writing.
Dear Sweets,
please look after my friend and stop him
from being bulled by any other Sweets, especially
the Chewits, because they are the most horrid. Bye,
Fraser. That's nice as well, yeah.
And that gives it added authenticity. Yeah, and I've
done it in special writing as well. Yeah, I can see that.
It's special writing, isn't it?
Well, good luck then. Well, hopefully we'll get some
free marshmallows. Yeah, and a picture of
the mini one having fun. Oh, imagine that. Or imagine if they'd got some free marshmallows. Yeah, and a picture of the mini one having fun.
Oh, imagine that.
Or imagine if they'd just got a wicked sense of humour, though.
And the person, the woman in charge of Princess Marshmallows,
because I imagine she's a woman, like you say.
Yeah.
Imagine if she, like, just takes a Polaroid picture, right,
of that marshmallow, right, but, like, all ripped to bits.
Oh.
With strawberry jam all over it.
Like, it has to be completely cut in.
It just sends it back.
Or sends a mini marshmallow
with a little bag
over its head
with two big marshmallow
terrorists.
We could end up
with shit loads of stuff.
I know it's going to be
brilliant.
We could open a shop.
And I think we should
say as well
this is a bit of
effort to get free food.
If there's any listeners
out there with anything
extra kicking around
the house.
Yeah good point.
Pop them in a jiffy.
Yeah if you've got stuff that you don't want anymore or just if there's anything
basic that you've got like i wouldn't mind like just pasta pulses right anything really lasagna
sheets okay for me i think i would actually be asking for something a bit better than that right
okay i'll have better stuff like gift vouchers money yeah if you've got any gift vouchers
knocking about your house
that you probably won't use,
then just send them to us.
Yeah.
I don't know what address
to send it to.
If you've got the internet,
you've probably found out
who our management are
and then send it
to our management
if you want.
Bombard them and stuff.
Look, there's people
who have sent us
free stuff in the past.
Yeah.
And sent us gifts and things.
Yeah.
But I don't want to give out
our management's address.
No.
Because then we are actively going,
I mean, I know we sort of are doing that now anyway,
but we're indirectly saying, you know,
that's probably the best way of getting it to us
is to send it via our management.
We're going to get in a bollock for this.
But I think you should do it.
It says to via our management,
put Ray Peacock or Ed Gamble care of,
or if it's a joint present,
don't forget, I don't want any pasta.
So if it is pasta, then that is just for Ed. So that or Ed Gamble, care of. Or if it's a joint present, don't forget, I don't want any pasta. So if it is pasta, then that is just for Ed.
So that's Ed Gamble, care of.
Whoever our management are, we might have mentioned them in the past on the podcast.
But I'm just saying, send us some free stuff, care of our management, thank you.
Or letters.
Or letters, yeah, fan letters is fine.
Just empty envelopes.
If you want, just send just send us like bags of cement
a bag of cement
or a gift voucher
and a nice way
and a sheet of lasagna
a nice way of
getting our names
out there again
it's a good way
for us to be kept
in mind
by our management
as those ones
who keep having
stuff sent in
for us kept in mind by our management as those ones who keep having stuff sent in for them.
The Peacock and Gamble podcast
was devised and performed by
Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.
All music by the Tiger Lilies
except the last one, which is performed
by Frank Sidebottom.
The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a big and dark production,
hosted by Chortle.co.uk.
If you spotted a deliberate mistake in this week's show,
tell us on our Facebook page and you might win a prize.
See you next week.
Right, come on.
We're finishing now,
but it's second chance now.
What?
Do your rap.
All right.
For our Radio 1 programme that's coming out in a minute.
All right.
All right?
So, go and make sure.
So, sorry, Radio 1.
This is what Ed meant to do
earlier on.
And by the way,
if you start doing it wrong,
then it's going to turn
into a rap battle.
Oh, no.
Right?
So, go on.
Action. Oh, yeah. Come on. wrong, then it's going to turn into a rap battle. Oh, no. Right, so go on. Action.
Oh, yeah.
Come on.
Join in.
That was going to help it.
All right.
Just do them back in.
Yeah.
Huh.
Come on.
Huh.
I've been walking down the street.
Yeah.
I see you standing there.
Huh.
What are you doing with your red, red hair?
Huh.
Put your shoes on.
Come out on the street.
Watch out for them bullets From the man with the meat
There's a butcher
A killer butcher
Watch out for the butcher
He got a chop
He throw it at your face
Killer butcher
Killer butcher
He's put mints on the street
You're gonna slip up
Killer butcher
Don't be getting that voice though
What?
Like a racist voice
No no no
Killer butcher
That's it.
Kill a butcher.
He's got meatballs.
He's going to put them down your top and make you look like you've got weird nipples.
Kill a butcher.
Right.
Nipples and balls.
I think even for rapping, he's pushing it.
Yeah, but kill a butcher's good.
That is a good one.
Yeah.
Thanks.
We're putting it on the record.