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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Just have a drink, get ready for the new Peacock and Gamble podcast that's coming out and I have a drink to clear my throat.
Have we started?
Started off nice, a bit informal this week.
I am Ray Peacock.
Hello.
You'd be all one.
Hello, I'm Ed Gamble.
All nice and informal.
Not even wearing a tie.
Just informal week this week because it isn't the Peacock and Gamble podcast this week.
Is it not?
No.
I have come up with a new idea.
This week it is called Peacock and Gamble's TV Burp.
Right?
And basically it's this idea that I've had, right?
Basically, we're just going to talk about the telly.
The telly that's been on all week.
Okay, now, two problems, I'd say.
No, I don't want to hear them.
No, two problems.
I don't want to hear them.
I'm not having you come in here
naysaying when I have had a good idea.
Right, can I quickly come up with,
not problems, ideas.
Opportunities.
Ideas for the show.
Opportunities, they call it, in sales.
You don't probably have an opportunity in sales.
Right.
And you are evil.
Always be evil, remember that.
Right, okay, here we go.
Here's my two opportunities, right.
Firstly, don't think we're going to be able to do something about the telly
when we're on a strictly audio medium.
No, you can still talk about it.
Secondly, Ariel does this on the telly.
Ariel?
Yeah.
Mate, that is what the outside of a bosom is called.
Of a nipple, I meant.
I meant a nipple.
I got it.
I don't know what you get.
Ariel.
I don't know what that is.
Harry Hill.
No, stop it.
It's called TV.
Well, look.
All right, then.
All right.
Well, if Ariel, if you've made up
if he does it
then sue us
right
go on
sue us
if this is your idea
dare ya
they can't
do you know why
because Ariel
has got the same management
as Ray and Ed
yeah but
so they would have to sue
themselves
they would have to go
and here's the thing as well
I've got some music
for it as well
right
get ready
this is it
da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da
right
that is the music
that's the music
I know
then they will have to
sue themselves
so welcome to TV Burp
I am Ari
oh shit no
I am
I am Ray Peacock
welcome to TV Burp
I am Ed Gamble or, welcome to TV Burp.
I am Ed Gamble or not?
Oh, Ray and Ed Gamble, but which one is the best?
There's only one way of finding that out, isn't there?
Kiss.
No.
Welcome to the show.
On telly this week, thing happened on EastEnders.
Put a clip on.
Put a clip on.
How are you getting... Shut up.
This is another opportunity.
This is on live.
Listen, this is not on live.
How are we getting the money
to pay for the clips from EastEnders?
We don't need...
Tape it off telly.
It's on free.
We need to get the rights for it.
No, we don't because it is audio.
So we'll just turn the sound down
right
and play the clip
alright well let's act it out
ourselves is what I'm saying
no there's no point in that
because then the funny thing
is the funny thing
of the show
alright fine carry on
what's on the programme
otherwise we will make it
funny ourselves
alright
no
do your programme
I've lost my thread now
I do want to talk about
telly in real life
alright
because I've been watching a lot of
telly this week.
Yeah.
You know for TV
Bert for my job.
It's been a weird
telly week I think.
You've just shown
me one thing that
has been on telly.
The seance, the
Michael Jackson
seance.
The Michael Jackson
seance.
Absolutely amazing.
For those people
who don't know this
there was a seance
on Sky.
Sky 1 I think it
was on.
Sky 1?
Yeah.
Which was Derek
Okora the popular medium. Did a seance where he. Sky 1 I think it was on. Sky 1? Yeah. Which was Derek Okora, the popular medium.
Did a seance
where he contacted the spirit of Michael Jackson.
Ask me if I am a medium. Are you a medium? Nope.
What were we even talking about here?
Michael Jackson seance?
Yeah. So he did, he contacted the
spirit of Michael Jackson. Yeah, thank God for that.
Yeah, I mean that was a relief.
It did turn up on the night. Not even on the Teflon or anything.
On the night. The thing is, as as well it's also massively plausible even if you're not one of those mentally
ill people that believes in the spirit world and believes in god and that if you're not mentally
ill the thing is they combined the two most mentally ill things possible the people who
believe in ghosts and contacting spirits and michael jackson fans well just fans full stop
no i'd say michael jackson fans are the pinnacle of the mentally ill fans yeah absolutely and contacting spirits and Michael Jackson fans. Well, just fans, full stop. It's not just Michael Jackson fans.
No, I'd say Michael Jackson fans
are the pinnacle of the mentally ill fans.
Do they really?
Yeah, absolutely.
Do they?
Yeah.
Or based on the programme we've just watched?
Based on the programme we've just watched
and, I mean, they've been through a lot as fans.
Yeah, they have, haven't they?
And to still be there at the end,
they pretty...
I mean, Michael Jackson did a bloody good job
of sifting his fans out
until he only had the mental ones left.
That girl that was on it,
I believe she was genuinely mentally ill.
I thought that was exploitation of the highest order.
Yeah.
I am aware that we then watched it.
Yeah, well, you watched it twice.
I've watched it twice.
Well, I had to show it to you, didn't I?
So what happened was, they all sat around the table.
This is for our abroad listeners who wouldn't have seen it.
Anyone who lives in the UK would have definitely seen it
because it was the jewel in the TV crown this week.
Yeah, Derek Okora, little scum, con man.
And by the way, Derek, if you want to sue me for saying that,
you are a fraud.
Derek Okora is a liar and a fraud.
Right.
Not allegedly, but officially.
Derek Okora is a liar and a fraud.
And if you want to sue me, let's go to court.
Let's go to court with that.
I'll tell you what,
if you're pretty wrong,
take a lie detector test.
Brilliant.
I know that Derek Okora
is 100% definitely
a liar and a fraud.
Do you know how I know?
How?
The spirit of Fora Herd told me.
Okay.
I remember that day
because you went into a trance
when she did it.
I went like that.
Ooh, like that.
I mean, he is ridiculous.
So try disproving that one, Derek.
Yeah, Derek, take us to court, Derek.
Take us to court and sue us.
Take a lie detector test, Derek.
Lie detector on Jeremy Coyle.
We should invite Okora to the live show.
No, I wouldn't want him even as a guest.
I would.
Why?
Sell more tickets.
I don't think we would.
Oh, we would.
I think we'd get returns if we announced Jeremy Coyle.
Okay.
If we said Derek Okora's in the live show,
I think some of the tickets would be sent back now.
It's horrible, really, isn't it?
And speaking of horrible, June Sarpong was hosting the show.
Now, what is wrong with her voice?
If June Sarpong has had a stroke,
then I don't want to take the piss.
I think she got trapped in a saw trap when she was younger.
Like one with like
all pins sticking
to her vocal cords
and then she got out
of it just in time
but it did scratch it
and the thing is
she was screaming
so much that in her head
now she is always
screaming.
She used to go
get me out of the trap.
So when she'd go
coming up next
Ollie Oaks omnibus
she was always
thinking about that.
Addiction's not either of them.
I think the saw trap
also had two screws
in the little attachment things
on your jaw.
Yeah.
Which just basically
made them a bit loose.
I think she has got
a slack jaw.
Slack jaw's not an insight
you hear that often anymore,
is it?
I do think she's got a slack jaw.
A slack jaw with a great voice,
like you say.
Yeah.
I think she sounds drunk. Now, that could be libelous. No, I think she got a slap of jaw with a great voice, like you say. Yeah. I think she sounds drunk.
Now, that could be libelous.
No, I think she sounds drunk.
That's not libelous.
That's my opinion.
Okay.
If she had been on This Morning, right, straight after Carrie Katona that time,
nobody would have mentioned Carrie Katona.
It wouldn't have said a bloody word.
No.
I find her particularly offensive.
And she came on and she was going,
Michael Jackson, I've always been a fan of Michael Jackson,
but I never got the opportunity to interview him.
And tonight made me, it's fucking ridiculous.
Michael Jackson is in the spirit world,
which of course he isn't because there is no such thing.
But if he was, let's suspend our disbelief.
Why would Michael Jackson go,
I tell you who I'm going to give an exclusive to.
June Sarpong and Derek Okieve. Yeah. Why would Michael Jackson go, I tell you who I'm going to give an exclusive to. June Sarpong and Derek Acora on Sky.
That's where I'm going to do my one.
You wouldn't.
You'd go,
tell you what,
I know what I would do.
I'll walk along the background in EastEnders.
Loads of people will see that.
I could either do that,
or I could go on Sky 1 with 150 viewers
and talk to June Sarpong
because I forgot to do it
when I was alive
right no I'm going to do that
make my big comeback
on telly as a ghost
go be in the lottery machine
yeah
I tell you what
lots of people will be watching
I would do it
matching the date
I would do a streak
score the goal against Manchester do a streak score the goal
against Manchester
United
kick it in the
goal
I tried it once
where I hit
in a beach ball
but I don't think
people knew it
was me
fucking liars
you cunt then
anyway I think
even if Gene
Sarpong does
believe in all
that stuff right
to say I didn't
meet him when he
was alive so now I'll wake meet him when he was alive,
so now I'll wake him up when he's dead,
is just rude.
Yeah, I mean, you're probably pissing him off.
Yeah.
Michael!
And the other guest that they had on there was David Guest.
Yeah.
What is happening there?
Well, my favourite bit was another June Sarpong-related bit,
when they went to a VT,
because it was in Ireland where Michael Jackson had been before, and they went to a VTt yeah because it was in ireland where michael jackson had been before and they went to a vt about michael jackson spending time in his village
in ireland and they showed cctv of him going bowling at um cosmic bowl right and they interviewed
the owner and then they cut back to june saupong and david guest in the studio and june saupong
went wow bowling david did you know about this And I wasn't quite sure whether she was asking
about the concept of bowling.
Like, she was going, I've got to try that.
Or she was like, wow, he likes bowling.
Were you aware?
And David Guest was like, yeah.
I mean, we went bowling a lot as children.
Sometimes we just throw it down the gutter.
I mean, do you think when she said,
did you know about this,
do you think that between June Sarpong and David Guest,
bowling is code
for fingering
Macaulay Culkin
did you hear
when David Guest said
there's one bit
where they went
oh yeah
we always used to go
to Kentucky Fried Chicken
and we would have
a food fight
all the time
he would take the skin off
he would take the skin
off his chicken
and say it's organic
and then Michael
would throw his
mashed potato at me
and I'd be like
what eh
Kentucky Fried Chicken?
Didn't they do in America, maybe?
No.
I think they do.
Bollocks.
Yeah, and bollocks.
Right.
Can one of our American listeners please verify either way?
Do Kentucky Fried Chicken in the States serve mashed potato, please?
If they do, I'll make an apology to David Guest.
I'll send him a fish or something.
I don't know what he likes.
Don't forget our live show as well oh shit
King's Place
I'd forgotten for a second
but now I remember
remember it
Saturday the 19th of December
King's Place London
live show
Pico King humble live
our review of the year
review of the year
dancing and singing
yeah
mince pies
if you bring them
do you know what I think we should do? What?
I think for one lucky ticket holder,
they get a free dinner.
But they have to eat it in the corner
of the stage while it goes on.
No, we'll just present them with a dinner.
Alright. When they arrive,
right, we'll just pick someone at random
and give them a free dinner. We'll have a free dinner.
Alright, imagine that. I got a free dinner last night.
Yeah, you did. At Russell Howard's show. I get a free dinner. A woman, imagine that. I got a free dinner last night. Yeah, you did. At Russell Howard's show.
I get a free dinner.
A woman, right, comes, like a dolly bird, right?
Yeah.
Comes and knocks on my dressing room door, right, and goes,
will you be trying this for dinner?
And I go, ooh, sexy, sexy.
Right, I don't.
Yeah, and then she goes, right, I'm going to go now.
I go quiet.
Right, and then think, can I let on to this woman that I eat?
And then most weeks I don't have nothing.
But last night I went, do you know what?
What have you got on there?
It's just like a menu.
What have you got on there?
And I looked right, and guess what I had?
What?
I ordered steak sandwich, right?
Whoa.
I went and did the opening warm-up bit, the first 20 minutes or so.
Right.
Went back to my dressing room to have my steak sandwich.
Guess what?
What?
It was all posh stuff.
I think it was Gordon Blue.
I think I'm having Gordon Blue.
I've had Gordon Blue before, right?
Where I had chips, right?
Guess what?
They just stacked them on top of each other.
Yeah, I know.
That's ridiculous.
It's like a game of Jenga.
I'll tell you why that is, mate.
It's not posh, right?
Yeah.
It's because they take them
just right out of the box
and don't even do anything with them.
That's not what it is.
They're microchips
yeah
you just
put them
out exactly
as well
well I
had right
it was in
like
foreign bread
right
it had steak
inside it
right
with a bit
of blood
in it
yeah
wrinkly
tomatoes
right
and on the
plate
I thought
it was the
pattern on the
plate
right
but it wasn't
it was
posh dribble carrying on with TV Burps
going well on it so far
it's going brilliant mate
brilliant TV Burps
and we're at the telly
we've already talked about
Michael Jackson's seance
I want to pick you up
on something as well
by the way
something that you said in that alright then you said Michael Jackson's sounds. I want to pick you up on something as well by the way something that you said in that.
Alright then.
You said Michael
Jackson's fans had
been through the
worst.
Now I would
contest that.
Right.
With two words.
Up the Gary
Glitter.
Right that's four
words isn't it.
Gary Glitter.
That's two words
that yeah.
Fair comment isn't
it.
Yeah I mean does
he have any fans
left.
I would imagine so.
What I want to know
is that is Gary
Glitter's music good enough
that someone loves it so much that even
though he is a convicted paedophile,
that they will stick with him? Right, I'll tell
you what, I'm going to lay my neck on the line here
in a big way.
I have got some Gary Glitter
stuff on my iPod, but
I actually, I re-labelled it.
It actually
says, Gary Glitter, boy that's the artist is what it
said which in my head is my concession to it right but would you would you consider yourself a fan of
him would you go to a concert or would you follow him around and get an autograph right if your
question is if Gary Glitter announced a concert tomorrow would I go to it? Yeah. My answer is yes, yes, yes. Yeah, but so would I.
I would hope that we all would.
Yeah.
It would be brilliant.
But...
That would be...
The...
Just the simple audacity of that.
Yeah.
The front of that would be amazing.
I would love that.
Wembley, I would love it.
And I'd like...
I'd want all the crowd going...
Like, fucking 70,000 people just screaming at him. And him just banging on through it. I would love it and I'd like I'd want all the crowd going boo like fucking
70,000 people
just screaming at him
and him
just banging on through it
you know what
he'd call the terse
like Gary Glitter
through a child's eyes
or something
it used to be
the gang show
didn't it
the Gary Glitter shows
that he used to do
every Christmas
right
were the gang shows
I actually watched
weirdly I watched
a clip of Gary Glitter
which was
I think it was recorded
two days before
his original arrest.
Because they were going to do a thing on Children in Need on a Friday night,
which was all DJs, Tony Blackburn and Ed Stewart and Mike Reed and that were all on there,
all singing as Gary Glitter.
And then Gary Glitter was there at the end.
And it was a tribute to Gary Glitter.
Wogan's there cheering him on.
Two days before, and they're all going,
Oh, he's our hero, this bloke.
He's our hero, this bloke.
And I really like it, knowing what sort of happened
so, so soon after that.
So quickly after that, yeah.
And it was cut from the broadcast.
It was pre-recorded.
Yeah.
It was cut from the broadcast.
But the reason we're talking about Gary Glitter
is because another programme this week
was called The Execution of Gary Glitter.
See, I missed this one.
I'll fill you in on it.
Here's my overall feeling about it.
Gary Glitter apparently has released
a statement this week
saying he's going to
sue Channel 4.
Right, okay.
And having watched
the programme,
he has every right to.
Okay.
Now, if Gary Glitter
is able,
in 2009,
to sue for
defamation of character,
you have done
something really bad.
Defamation of character, right? So, we're establishing, I've done something really bad about defamation
of character
right
so we're establishing
right
from the initial point
that there is
some character
to defame
right
now we know
that Gary Glitter's
name at the moment
is Mud
right
so that's where we're at
no they were
different bands
oh yeah yeah
I apologise
to the members
similar
they were similar
they had the platforms and that but to go go beneath that, that text, I mean, it was vile. Well yeah, tell me about it. It was vile. It was a biopic, so they did it as a mockumentary, I guess. Okay. A bloke played Gary Glitter. Right. And also, interestingly, it won't mean nothing to you, he was actually Green Leader from Return of the Jedi. Right. It was the bloke who played him. I can't remember his name, but I did recognise him from that.
Just pure conjecture.
Right.
Set in a fictional Britain.
Okay.
They call it a parallel Britain.
Right, okay.
Where the death penalty had been reinstated.
And Gary Glitter was going to be executed.
Yeah, first one.
Gary Glitter was first one.
Oh, right, yeah.
Big celebrity one for the first one.
Yeah, big celebrity one.
And the reason was because he'd had sex with a minor abroad, right?
Right.
That was another rule that they changed.
Right. That you were allowed to be trialled in this country. a minor abroad, right? Right. That was another rule that they changed. Right.
That you were allowed
to be trialled in this country.
Is that right then?
I don't think you can.
I don't think you possibly can.
You can't be trialled
in this country
for a crime committed abroad.
Like, if you've been to, like,
Spain or something,
where I think,
I heard the age of consent
was 13.
Right, okay.
In Spain.
I don't know if that's right or not.
If it is,
I'm sure I've heard that.
Well, why don't you just get a load of paedophiles going to Spain then?
I can't.
I've not got time to organise that.
I mean, I know what you're saying.
It would be a good holiday night.
That would be a...
I don't mean for me to join in.
No.
That would be a good laugh.
A good tour package, wouldn't it?
If I could get a load of paedophiles to go to Spain.
We could turn a bloody mint doing thisophiles to go to Spain we could turn
a bloody mint
doing this
we could do
paedo tours
we should all go
we should all go
to those paedo tours
right
not
hey
we don't want you
having sex with children
no no
we're not to do
with that
we're just not
part of it
right
but get together
we're like minded
lads right
yeah
right
we'll get a big bus
like a golden boy
or something right
stick you all on it right we'll go Spain big bus like a golden boy or something right stick you all on it
right
we'll go Spain
we'll go Japan
all the lowest places
of legal consent
the lowest ages
the lowest ages
right
all the youngest people
why are we
tucking them
to those places
then
just have a look round
and go
oh imagine if I lived here
and then straight
and as soon as they
start walking towards
the church
they go
no back on the bus
yeah okay i mean
i'm not sure i hear what he's saying and to begin with i thought it was a good idea yeah and i laughed
imagine all tripping around spain with big sombreros i don't think that do you know what
we're all going on a peter holiday i think very quickly the group would dissipate
i don't think they'd stay as a group i I think as soon as we got there, they'd probably
wander off and do their own thing.
Mate, we could call it Club 1213.
No, we can't, because we're not
saying that they're allowed to do it.
No, I know, but we could dress in school uniform and...
No, we're not doing that!
Take them on a school crawl.
To tell them...
Alright, I'm selling my show in this company. Oh, wicked, I own it. to tell them... All right,
I'm selling my show
in this company.
Oh, wicked, I own it.
Yeah, buy me out, mate.
So, yeah, so there we go.
So the point of it was
it was a biopic of that,
of Gary Glitter basically
being executed.
I don't know where
it's come from all of a sudden.
I mean, the Gary Glitter stuff
was a while back.
I'm not saying that
excuses any of it.
No.
What I'm saying is
it was like, just fucking let it go. you don't have to keep going on it is
does become a witch hunt get over it no but what no what invariably happens though is people end
up having sympathy for the person who's being attacked yeah that's what happened it does happen
it happened with jay goody completely happened with jay goody when she was being terribly racist
and a horrible vile human being. And then so many people attacked her
that people then eventually
ended up having sympathy for her
and then the cancer thing
proper helped.
I mean, that was...
I'm not sure it's going to...
That'll happen with Gary Glitter
though, no matter what.
What if Gary Glitter
gets Tuppence cancer?
Then what?
Then what?
So if Gary Glitter
got the equivalent, right,
then everyone
who writes for The Sun and that
would go like,
serves you right,
that is God putting cancer up your man tuppers.
Well, there we go.
Do you know what?
I liked him.
I did like him.
In the old days, I liked him.
I saw him live a couple of times.
I liked him.
I wouldn't buy a Gary Glitter record now.
You'd be outpushed to find one, I think.
No, I don't know.
He's bringing best ofs out every now and again. I really don't think his record company are bringing out a best of Gary Glitter record now. You'd be outpushed to find one, I think. No, I don't know, because he's bringing best albums out every now and again.
I really don't think his record company
are bringing out a best of Gary Glitter.
Yeah, but he owns a record company, I think.
But I don't think he's bringing anything out,
because he knows it's not going to sell very well.
I can guarantee you that he's had at least three albums out
since this happened.
Really?
Yeah, since the original Conviction.
I'll bet you anything that he's had at least three albums out.
There'll be compilation albums,
but I bet you they have been out.
Who's bought them
though?
His family.
I'm sure he's got,
he must know
someone.
You know what I
mean?
Gary Glitter's just
wandering about the
countryside at the
moment, like fucking
Little Is Dobo.
You just see him
having thousands and
thousands of copies
in his shack in
Cambodia or something
and just sort of... He lives over there. Does he? Yeah, he shack in Cambodia or something. He looks all great now.
Does he?
Yeah, he's in the UK now.
Where is he in the UK?
I don't know.
And if he did now, I don't think I'd be allowed to say.
I'll tell you where he is, right?
Upstairs.
He's upstairs from my apartment.
He lives across the way.
He makes noises.
I'll tell you what.
You can hear him clumping around in his big boots.
Sometimes he stamps
for apparently no
reason.
I think he is
listening to
something on his
headphones.
Look, point of
the matter was,
right, the execution
of Gary's glitter
was a fucking, it
was a dreadful
piece of drama.
It wasn't even
well written or
anything like that.
I thought it was
terrible and also
I thought it was unnecessary. It also, I thought it was unnecessary.
It could have been done with a fictional character
and it would have been fine.
The fact it was going glitter, it was victimisation.
It was going after one bloke who has just gone away.
It was the equivalent of walking ten miles out of your way
just to kick a bee-eye.
Four stars, some funny bit.
Well, I'm pretty much done now.
Are you?
Yeah, pretty much.
Shall I do a letter?
Yeah, you wrote the letter this week, didn't you?
Yeah, I've done a letter out of my mind.
Get free stuff by writing a complaint letter to a company.
Oh, don't stick on the free stuff too much. Oh, right.
Have you branched out a bit?
I mean, it's not like a complaint letter.
Right.
It's not a complaint letter.
You've just written a letter.
No, I've just brought a satsuma.
All right, OK.
Well, that'll do as a section.
No, well, it's topical, though.
Oh, nice one.
Well, I think people...
Well, it's topical now,
but it might not be topical when it comes out.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
It's old hat, though.
OK, well, the thing is,
is we're recording this last week.
Yeah.
That's why we've also not done the update
of the Fraser story. Yeah, we'll do that next week. Because we why we've also not done the update of the Fraser story.
Because we've only had two entries or something
so far because it was so close to the last one coming out.
So sorry about that, but we have been doing
TV Burp. Yeah, so I hope you enjoyed that
TV Burp. If we might have to
stop next week for legal reasons.
Do you know what? I think
we should bring out a special DVD at Christmas
and we'll call it
TV Burp Gold.
But we've only done
one episode
of Ray and Ed's TV Burp
I know well we'll get
the best bits
and why have we got
a DVD of it
when it's not even
a visual thing
we'll get the best bits
of this
right
and we'll bring out
a TV Burp Gold
and then the following year
listen no DVD
available in all good shops
right
what would the pictures be
and then the following year
we'll have TV Burp Gold 2
right okay
yep
and it'll be on DVD
right
and on the front of the DVD
we'll have
I don't know
a picture of Ariel
with a big remote control
so
we'll do that
yeah
so if you ever see that
that is ours
that is ours
that is our
that is our DVD of God
yeah and we'll do a book as well
yeah
so if you see any of these things
they are our things
and do buy them in the shops.
Oh, and by the way,
we also released something
called Michael McIntyre,
Hello Wembley,
but don't get that.
We really regret that
because it's just animal porn.
So don't get that.
And don't think you can get it
for the extras, right?
Because the extras, right,
it's just a puppy stuck in razor wire
slowly trying to get out and...
I mean, they'd do a wee on its head.
Yeah, hitting all the cuts. I tell you what, that foreign beer was ridiculous, wasn't it? I think there was absinthe in it. stuck in razor wire slowly trying to get out and I mean they'd do a wee on its head in order to cut
I tell you what
that foreign beer
was ridiculous
wasn't it
I think that was
Absinthe wasn't it
so
and we called it
Michael McIntyre
didn't we
yeah
I mean that's what
our one was called
yeah so don't get that one
we really regret that one
yeah if you see our one
that we made in the shops
yeah
then don't buy that
because it's illegal
yeah
it's illegal in the fences so don't buy it and it's got Michael McIntyre on the front as yeah then don't buy that because it's illegal yeah it's illegal
and offensive so don't buy it and it's got michael mcintyre on the front as well but don't let that
think that it is his the one that we made that's the one that we made the one that we made we put
michael mcintyre on the front as well so i don't know if michael mcintyre himself has brought out
one yeah call the same thing but i know if i was out shopping i wouldn't want to risk it
i wouldn't want to risk that either way I wouldn't want to risk that either way
no
so don't
don't get that one
get our TV Burt one
yeah
with Ariel on the front
with a big
um
remote control
anyway here's my
brilliant
Ed's letter
that doesn't conform
to the premise
my topical letter
like have I got news
for you
Ian Islops
dear Mrs James
I mean James fuck
I'm always getting that
wrong but give over,
they do sound similar.
They do, it's true.
So, topical.
Do you remember?
My name is Mrs. Afrosi
and I'm a woman on a foot.
She boots my whitings of spells.
I am very whizzy
and then rally have a sack time spelt like the herb to concentrate.
Right, I think I'm back now.
I've got my magic pen or something.
Anyway, Mrs Jam.
First I want to say sorry about your son.
That is well sad and probably a big shock.
My husband was in the army before he became a ballet shoe.
So I know how you feel. You're not only a ballet shoe. So I know how you feel.
You're not only a ballet shoe as a job.
So I know how you feel.
Do you feel hungry?
I'm just guessing now, really.
I also have a son, brackets, I'm not showing off.
Who's a big part of my life's problems.
So I'm really writing to thank you for giving me a brilliant idea.
I'm going to put him up the army.
So thanks for that, Jamelia.
And also thanks to your son.
Car or something.
I think Fraser would be good in the army.
We could make him spit his cancer all over the Indian terrorists.
Or he could help knock down the Berlin Wall.
Either way, it gets him out of the house and in the army now,
like poorly sure but less retarded.
I also have a quick complaint,
because that's what the letter should really be, Mrs Tiggy Winkle.
I understand it is disrespectful for Gordon Browns to write a messy letter and it sullies the memory of your son.
Along those lines, it is also disrespectful to go on the telly looking like that.
Go on, put some lippy on at least and get a poppy on it. Fucking hell.
Oh, fuck.
Wax my anus, Mrs Fraser.
Brackets, not with an eye in it, you morons. That's right, I'm going to sun.
Right.
I don't know about that one, Ed.
What?
It's a difficult one, this, isn't it? What do you mean?
I presume this was
a very subtle, vague allusion one Ed it's a difficult one this isn't it what do you mean I presume this was
a very subtle
vague allusion
there to the
story that's been
going on at the
moment
what story
about Gordon Brown
the Prime Minister
writing a letter
no mine is about
Gordon Brown
yeah no I got
that
writing a letter
to a lady
whose son was
tragically killed
yeah in the army
in a war
in a war
yeah
because he was
a soldier
yeah
I mean if he'd been killed in a war on his was a soldier. I mean, if he'd been killed
in a war on his way to the shop
and there was a war happening around him,
then yeah, fair play.
That is bad. But like you said
in your letter, it is a surprise.
I guess that the lady's just upset.
I presume we'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
The real one. Not the one benefit of the doubt the real one
not the one in your letter
the real one
imaginary one
I'm not sure that it's
I don't have any political affiliation
as listeners will know now
I used to be a Labour supporter
but not anymore
I don't support anyone now
but I think it has been very unfair
all this business about
a blind man has written me
has written me a messy letter
I think it's a bit harsh.
Which is what it boils down to.
Yeah, but I understand that you're upset about your son.
So, all right, I will perhaps turn,
if you'll pardon the phrase,
a blind eye to that.
You said last night we were talking on the phone,
he is busy, isn't he?
Yeah, he's a very busy man and blind.
So in a bit of, imagine being in a rush and being blind and then trying to write a letter
and also bear in mind right he don't know you yeah he doesn't know you or your family yeah all
he knows is that your son has tragically been killed abroad yeah in a war so he wasn't sat
there going i know what i'm going to do he He's English, isn't he? I'm going to deliberately spell a name wrong.
That will upset her.
Yeah, exactly.
It wasn't deliberate.
It was just the information he was given.
But anyway, she's accepted his apology now, I think.
Has she?
Yeah.
Has that been real?
Yeah, I think so.
It was on the news.
So if anything, I'm just stirring it.
If anything, you're no better than the people
that made the execution of Gary Glitter
yeah
you're just going back
to something
that has settled down
and you're just
yeah you shit stirring get
I tell you what Ed
you are a troublemaker
I know mate
yeah well do you know what
you're not coming
to the live show
what
there you go
it's just going to be me
and Derek Okora now
we've changed it
what
and Michael Jackson
if he is in the vicinity
can I get a ticket though
and come and watch it?
Yeah, of course you can.
How do I get that?
Just ring up the box office.
What is the number of it?
0207 520 1490.
It's very easy to remember.
0207 520 1490.
Just ring it up.
Get a ticket for it.
Yeah, you can come here.
All right.
But I don't have a phone.
I've dropped it on a grate.
How do I get it on the internet?
Get it on the internet get it on the internet
on your new computer then
that is kingsplace.co.uk
alright
yeah get it from on there
just look up
Peacock and Gamble podcast
and you can watch it
I'll bring all my friends
alright if you would
thanks
the Peacock and Gamble podcast
was devised and performed
by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.
All music by The Tiger Lilies, except the last one, which is performed by Frank Sidebottom.
The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a big and dark production, hosted by Chortle.co.uk.
If you spotted a deliberate mistake in this week's show, tell on our Facebook page and you might win a prize
see you next week
look at this
just
what
have a look at that
there
just a little
erm
what's that
oh
there's a little
knitted character there just put just put that there right a little um what's that oh there's a little knitted character there just put
just put that there right that's a competition it's competition for tv book
the listener have got to spot spot the knitted character i think i know it's a good joke right
yeah i think we are sailing dangerously close to being sued for real why look
look at that.
Just put it down between us and look at Knitted character.
And if anyone supports it, they can enter it.
And they can win our TV Burp Gold 2 DVD
and our TV Burp Annual.
And if you don't win it, they're available in the shops.
It's Stosky, not you, idiot.