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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Ready to begin, Your Majesty?
Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you, Your Majesty.
Okay, Your Majesty, then I will introduce myself. My name is Ray Peacock. Hello.
Hello, Your Majesty, Ray Peacock. I am Ed Gamble.
Oh, hello there, Your Majesty, and now welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast, Your Majesty, which I'm going to put on for you now. Thank you very
much. Please join us in the ceremonial dining room for a big feast of chicken legs. People,
right, people go on about me and you and say, oh, they either go, oh, they're not mates
in real life, or they go, oh, they are gay, with each other, do a kiss on the... And no
one ever says, oh, they are royal. Yeah.
But they always say they always make out
with disrespect to each other.
Yeah.
Either by not being friends
and having a go at each other
or by sticking our knobs
up each other's bums.
Right.
They always do one or the other.
Yeah.
But sometimes in private
me and you
we will be very courteous
and address each other
in a proper royal way.
Yeah.
Like we are two kings
from different countries
come to a summit
in another country for look after the poor with our big crowns on. Yeah, like we are two kings from different countries come to a summit in another country
for look after the poor with our
big crowns on. Yeah, I am King Claudius
of Hamlet and you are King Ralph of John Goodman.
So we are both nice kings.
Yeah.
And then sometimes there will be a
jester in our court
who we just can't be bothered with.
Right? And he's going
Oh your majesty, look I'm eating a poo.
And we're going
Come on.
I know that you're improvising
and you're desperate, but don't eat a poo
mate. What jesters have you
seen that ate a poo? I imagine that some
jesters got to the point, it's probably like TV Walmart work.
Well, you know, you start really strong
but like two and a half hours later you're like, shit what am i gonna do now i can't ask this
woman where she's from again so you think there was some gestures i'm gonna eat a poo there were
some gestures where the banquet was so long that they had to eat they just had to eat a poo
they literally they were just dripping wet in their own stuff that they were wearing they'd
shook that little jangly bell thing all day long.
The bells had all fallen off the corners of their ass.
Yeah, they were just bedraggled.
And they're not allowed to touch anything from the royal personage.
No.
So they can't mess about with the food or anything.
They literally had their own body to entertain with.
They were too tired to do any gymnastics.
They were desperate for the toilet anyway.
Yeah.
And they thought, fuck it, I'm just going to do a poo and eat it.
I don't think I'll get away with that.
But that's what I mean.
They underestimate me and you as kings.
Because even though there is a degree
of shock value to that, we don't like
it as entertainment. We don't like it when
a jester eats a poo at our banquet.
Say what you want about this podcast. We do not
like it when a jester eats a poo at a
banquet. So
review it however you want, but don't
be levelling that at us. Welcome to
the show.
How've you been, Ed?
I've been alright, mate.
I really ask you, you know, often we just do the podcast and that, don't we? And we
get along just fine, as we were saying in the intro there.
We are mates in real life.
We're mates in real life, but I'd very rarely ask you how you are. How've you been?
I've been alright, mate. Yeah, I'm fine. Still doing your right mate yeah i'm fine yeah just plugging away at that yeah is it working
it's working slowly that was lovely when i looked at your tummy you just sucked it in a little bit
that's really nice well i didn't even know that it's just i think it can feel when there are eyes
on i think i would look good in a kiss t-shirt yeah i think you would as well you've got a kiss
t-shirt i might get one as well i ordered a t-shirt the other day. I ordered two T-shirts, actually.
One with Flash Gordon on it.
Right.
The writing from the film.
Yeah.
And one with the Bat Out of Hell cover on it.
Nice one.
Which I should have got free after we sang that song off it.
Yeah, you're going to look perfect in the Bat Out of Hell T-shirt.
Do you think I will?
That was a fear.
Yeah.
That was a fear, that it would be like...
I think you could only look more perfect in it
if it had ketchup stained on the front
and you were wearing quite tight jeans
that fitted you in 1985
and rubber shoes.
Okay.
Like rubber jelly beet shoes.
Why are you...
Sitting at the tube station going,
anyone got any dinner?
Right, well, okay.
I mean, I started this section nice, but...
Sorry, I just...
No, but I think what's going to happen is that you'll look very smart...
You've got to cocksure of yourself.
...smart and thin in it, and you'll look like a proper good rocker.
Well, I will look thin in it, because here's the problem we've got at the moment.
Me and you, right, have now got tele-commitments.
I don't.
No, we sort of have, but listen.
I'll tell you what our problem is at
the moment here's the problem this couldn't be worse for me and you right because you have been
on a diet since january yeah right and you're losing all your weight and that and looking slowly
you're losing it's fine you think you have saggy business don't you you're losing it at a nice rate
and you know you're slimming down on that yeah looking great me on the other hand proper fatty
bum bum no i am since it's not smoking, on the other hand, proper fatty bum bum.
No, you're not.
No, I am.
Since I stopped smoking,
I've gone proper fatty bum bum.
Right.
And what's happened is,
now, we have both got telly jobs, right?
One that requires you
to be fat,
and one that requires me
to be thin.
It couldn't be,
we couldn't be worse off.
Yeah.
I'm doing my stand-up
on a telly and a thing.
Yeah, we're excited
about that, aren't we?
Yeah, and you're,
you're going to be
the new John Smith's man.
Well, I'm not.
Well, you are.
I'm not.
You've just had the script through for it.
I've had the script through for it.
So why are you lying about saying you're not?
If you've had the script through, why are you lying about it?
I've got to go in and they will point a camera at my face,
realise, oh, he's not Northern, he's got two big spots on his chin.
You've been slagging Peter Kay off.
You've been slagging Peter Kay off loads and loads and loads.
Yeah, you're happy to follow in his footsteps.
You're happy to go
and be the new Peter Kay.
I'm going to kick the doors in
and before they even say hello
I'm just going to go
iPhone!
You're brilliant.
You should do.
I had an idea earlier on
that you should fill your mouth
with a grape
onto your lip
and be the godfather.
Be the godfather
just to show all my range.
So you're going for
the no-nonsense man.
There's still perseverance
with that
yeah
we can't really give
details of them
because it's not fair
and it's probably
confidential isn't it
yeah
so we won't tell anything
all we will say is that
at some point in it
and you're London man
you are London man
you've got to say flower
yeah
as in an affectionate name
yeah
I think they are just trying
they are still
got their fingers crossed
that Peter Kay will come back
do you think he will
yeah
I'm not sure he will
I just think that they have got their fingers crossed.
I can't see any reason why you can't be the new John Smiths man.
Right.
Right.
And do you know what?
As far as I'm concerned, if you don't get this tomorrow, which let's face it, you won't.
Right?
But if you don't, I think we should start a Facebook group where we just say that you're off.
Don't, because someone will do that.
No, we'll just say that you're off.
All right, then I won't do it.
Right?
No.
And I'm telling our fans now, don't do that.
Don't do that.
We don't want you to do that.
Don't set up a Facebook group with pictures of Ed in it
where he is the John Smith man, please.
Don't do that.
Don't.
Please, actually don't.
No, don't.
You mustn't do that.
Well, you're on the telly soon, aren't you?
Yeah, doing stand-up.
Stand-up comedy on it.
And do you know what?
I'm going to talk all about you on it as well.
Oh, thank you.
If I can get clearance.
Well, I am very proud of you, young man.
Thank you very much, Andrew.
And we will let you all know when it is on,
if it is filmed properly.
I think it will be filmed properly.
All right, then.
Well, if it gets past the legal people at the BBC,
then we will let the people know when it's on.
But it's quite soon.
I would like them to film it in very, very soft focus,
with you on a chaise longue,
wearing quite a sort of, like, a feather boa dressing gown.
I want it in 3D. Oh not 3d not in my busters
business time yeah taking care of business as i as i do this is my section you do take care of
business raise business section yeah in which we find out our podcast fun of the week and we also
find out what groups i've joined on facebook look i may i'll let you have the business section. Yeah. In which we find out our podcast fun of the week, and we also find out what groups I've joined on Facebook.
Look, mate, I'll let you have the business section,
because, let's be honest, it's never going to get anywhere.
Well, it's not.
I think people like...
Do you know what?
I think most people, if given the choice,
would have Ray's business over Ed's birth.
What?
Compared to Ebe.
There's more chance of them being mentioned in Ray's business.
Well, if you were an amazing birth,
or you've had an amazing birth, get in contact,
and you can be an even.
You were whining earlier on,
because people were putting amazing births, links up,
and you were going, great, there's another one I can't do.
No, what I'm saying is...
Because you're having trouble finding them anyway,
and other people are finding them,
but we can't do them if someone's put them up,
because then we're just robbing their idea.
No, it's because they're not amazing.
If they've seen it already, then you can't do it.
Come in a garden. Oh, that's amazing.
I think race business is like a comfy blanket
on a winter's evening.
Yeah.
And Ed's amazing birth
is like a sort of skateboard ride down a fire.
See, I disagree.
Because I think my one is quite sexy and exciting.
Right, okay.
In fact, I don't think it's like a blanket at all.
Do you know what I think it's like?
What?
I think it's like, right,
I think it's like a sex game, right?
Where you're in public, right?
Right.
With a woman.
Yeah.
Right, and you're inside there, right?
And there are loads of people all around.
And under the table, you're rubbing your legs.
And then you get, right, you get her hand,
or, right, the man gets someone's hand,
or vice versa if you want it that way, right?
But I'm going to say it from the man's point of view.
All right.
The man gets someone's hand, right? Yeah. And it that way right but I'm going to say it from a man's point of view alright the man gets woman's hand
right
yeah
and he gets
one of them stirrers
for coffee
do you know the
wooden ones you get
right okay
at like
at Costa Coffee
you get on there right
you snap it in half right
and the sharp edge right
you stick it right
in the soft bit of her hand
but she can't
she can't let on
because you're doing it
in a sexy way
right
and you just
you push it in the soft bit
this was a sex game originally
and now you're trying
to make a woman
have stigmata
no no she's enjoying it
because it hurts
ow ow ow
and then it goes
oh ow ow
like wax
just like hot wax
it hurts for a bit
and then
oh it's drying
oh it's drying
that's alright
exactly that's exactly
what it's like
or like a big sharp
kitchen knife in the ear
I always take
the sex games too far
yeah well anyway that's what my section is like sticking a stick in an hand sharp kitchen knife in the ear. I always take this as it's too far.
Well anyway, that's what my section is like.
Sticking a stick in an hand.
Right, anyway. So, last week we asked for Richards and Louises. We asked for that
because we found a Richard and we found a Louise
on our fans. We did, so we were
laying a little bit of bait
outside the cage that we live in
to try and draw them in from the outside of the zoo.
We were, that's what we were doing.
As usual, the boys are playing in the girls' arms.
So that Louise that we mentioned hasn't said,
so she clearly doesn't listen to it.
So why doesn't she just fuck off?
At the moment, we've got 1,112 fans.
Now, I'm annoyed about that because I wanted,
I was looking forward to seeing 1,111. 1-1-1. 1-1-1-112 fans. Now, I'm annoyed about that, because I wanted, I was looking forward to seeing 1,111.
1-1-1.
1-1-1-1-1.
My very favourite phrase.
So Louise, you can fuck off whoever you were.
Louise she was.
Yeah, that's it.
To the Richers that entered.
Rich Hughes.
Now, here's an interesting one.
Richard Poiner,
who then changed his name to Pilchard Poiner,
to try and become the fish of the week.
Trying to cover all bases. Yeah, but he was going become the fish of the week. Trying to cover all bases.
Yeah, but he was going to win Richard of the week,
and now he's not.
He's been disqualified because he changed his name to Pilchard.
Richard Callaghan, Richard McAllister, Richard Young.
Which one of them do you want to win it?
Richard Callaghan.
You want Richard Callaghan to be fan of the week?
Yeah.
He is the king of the week for the podcast.
He is, but we are kings as well, don't forget.
Don't forget we are kings, right?
So stop eating your poo, you dirty jester. Yeah, and Louise is jester of the week for the podcast. He is, but we are kings as well, don't forget. Don't forget we are kings, right? So stop eating your poo,
you dirty jester.
And Louise is jester of the week.
Eat your own poo, you mucky little jester.
And another thing, right? What's the cook doing in here?
If this is our court, why is the cook hanging about in here?
Get back in the jail, stupid cook!
Now, the Louise, we did have entries though.
One bloke entered and said that he was about to have a baby
And if he could be fan of the week
Then he would call his baby Louise
And I said that's fine
But then that post has since been removed
Yeah, his wife probably saw it
And gave him the biggest
Bollocking of his life
Because for days before
He'd put that and then he'd gone
Oh, I tell you what
If it's a girl,
I think her lovely name is Louise.
Louise was, of course,
my grandma's name.
No, your grandma's name was Elsie.
I'm checking the Peacock and Gamble Facebook.
Yeah, but Louise is nearly
an anagram of Elsie, isn't it?
If you pop a no in it.
And a you, of course.
Right, well, Ellie Coutts, she says her middle name's Louise.
Yeah, do we have any proof of that, though?
Not really, but we did go and look on her profile, didn't we?
Yeah.
And we're going to reserve judgment until we find out how old you are.
Right?
So you tell us how old you are, and then on next week's show,
we will tell you what we were saying while we looked at your profile, right?
No, no, we will say what we were saying.
If she tells us how old that she is. All right. I'll tell you what we were saying when we locked on your profile, right? No, no, we will say what we were saying.
If she tells us how old that she is.
All right.
I'll tell you what Ed was saying.
So Ellie Cootes,
you are our Queen fan of the week.
Queen fan of the week?
Queen fan, yeah.
What's your best one?
Is it Radio Gaga or not?
And as well as the,
don't forget,
as well as the fans of the week,
we've got Top Fish of the week this week as well.
Yeah, new one now,
Top Fish of the week.
So here are the people who have entered that dylan savage said his mom's name is
annette but he provided no proof it might his mom's name might be a now it might be never there's
no good tools is it it might be and it's not him she needs to join facebook exactly come and be a
fan of it i've been telling people this all week i know i'm i'm bored of telling them. Nigel Wallace says he knows someone called Haddock McPilchard.
Again,
I'm not,
well then,
make them come on Facebook,
show their date of,
you know,
show their driving
licence and then
they'll maybe win it.
Jim Sterling
sent a link to
some cufflinks of
fish.
Right,
so that's not
getting it at all
but he's managed
to get himself
mentioned again.
Were they Sterling
Silver cufflinks?
Yeah,
it's a Jim Sterling stuff, yeah. I mean, they Sterling Silver Cuffling yeah it's a Jim Sterling
yeah
I'm going to get it
but I mean
this is now
the Jim Sterling show
Peacock Gamble
and Sterling
just because he
whacked a video
that probably took
him five minutes
anyway
you didn't win
the winner was
and I know
that this is his
real name
because he's been
a fan of this podcast
he was a fan of
the old podcast
as well he used to do
and I know
it's his name
he couldn't have
possibly predicted
that one day
we would do
a top fish section.
So he's won it fair and square.
I've got a feeling he'll be the only person who ever wins this fair and square.
And if he is, he'll be it every week.
He will be our top fish every week.
And the winner is Mark Salmon.
Top fish of the week this week.
And if nobody beats it next week, Mark Salmon will be top fish again next week.
Anyway, come on. Now it's time. we've got to pick the names for next week. So what names do you want for next week? What do you reckon?
Terry.
Terry, okay.
Yeah.
Terry and June. Terry and June.
Terry and June.
We're not helping to get a woman, are we? Terry and June. Terry and June, please. Right,
I joined some groups this week on Facebook.
Good.
To reach my goal of one million before 1st December 2010.
Here are the groups that I joined.
Ray became a fan of.
He Ping Ping.
He's the littlest man in the world who sadly died today.
Oh.
The official Amit Chana group.
Hanging with Mr Cooper.
The smell of petrol.
When I was your age, photos were only 10p.
Sitting in your towel after a shower because you're too lazy to get dressed.
Foolhardy comedy. Spooks.
Pilkipedia. DIT crowd.
My door was closed when you came in. Don't walk off and leave it open.
So, how many other girls are you saying this to?
Sexy boys on motorbikes.
Oh shit, I texted the wrong person.
And reluctantly, Ed's Amazing Births Appreciation Cult.
Yes!
Yeah, which had 30 members when I joined.
Well, 18 members when I joined.
It's got 30 now.
Yeah, it's got more than that now.
That's just not very popular, is it?
Well, no, it was only set up late last night, so...
It was by...
Apparently by Ed Gimble.
Yeah, I'm worried that people think that it's me who set this up.
Well, I think it's you.
Well, it is you.
Well, I think I could come up with a better pseudonym than Ed Gimble.
It is you, mate.
Of course, everyone knows when I disguise my name,
I call myself Egg Hamble.
But everyone go and join it,
because I give it my stamp of approval.
It's time for our weekly regular section.
Ray does a food and says it
out loud out of his mouth. Enter your ears
on the podcast and you think of the food
and because I have said it, and you think of the food and because
i have said it that makes you want the food or drink that you will remember one and that will
be it now as you might have heard i am doing a diet at the moment i've got two weeks to lose two
stone so this week's food is water that's right water oh i have a bit of water. Oh, do you want some dinner?
I'm not hungry.
It's water.
Oh, I'll gallop it all up.
How unlovely.
A bit of bloody water.
You'll gallop it all up.
I'll gallop it all down my throat.
Oh, what's that in the distance?
What, that tree?
No, look there beyond it. Oh my god, it's the sea. I'm going for a drink.
Because I like
water. Have some water.
Good for your
skin. Water.
Most of your body's that anyway.
Have a bit more.
Drink up your water
in a nice glass on a
summer's day. Water.
Water. God, I on a summer's day. Water. Water.
God, I want a Mars bar.
We've been doing a bit of a diet up and all that.
Yeah.
At the moment.
Yeah.
I thought, oh, brilliant, because I've been on beef jerky
which is good for diet
yeah it's protein
and it's not fat
yeah it's good for
weight lifting and that
which I've done some of today
yeah I can see
you've done some weights
and I've done some
bit on the exercise bike
I've just found out
I'm not allowed it
what
kidneys
oh
you know bad kidneys
yeah
high protein
bad for your kidneys
shit man
I'm sorry
I've got a beef jerky
I'm still allowed it though right
you're still allowed it yeah
don't cry again I'm not crying I've got something in jerky. I'm still an addict though, right? You're still an addict, yeah. Don't cry again. I'm not crying. I've got something in my eye
and my mouth. Is it beef jerky? No, it's not. It isn't, unfortunately. It's water. It's
water. Yeah? You don't like water? I know I'm a beef jerky now. Oh, well. No, I just
found that out. And, right, and do you know what? I found it out and I thought, right,
well, I was going to eat this bag. Yeah. I was going to eat this bag anyway. Yeah. I
got some massive Jack Link's one, right? Hot and hot and sweet no i didn't like that i ate it all but yeah a bit too hot but i also got that same
size bag yeah just original and i was like right well then that's my last bag of it can't have it
again then say goodbye not allowed it but i was gonna eat that bag today anyway yeah so i'll just
eat it get it out of the way and then i'll be a good boy from now on was right driving to my gig
last night in the daytime driving yeah at the roof down, nice hot day.
Sexy.
Yeah, I had my sunglasses on, I had my hair tied back,
I've got to do that otherwise it goes in my eyes.
Duffing your face with a bit of beef.
Well, potentially, yes.
Opened the beef jerky, popped it on the passenger seat,
got one bit out, in my mouth, oh, it's going to be lovely,
I'm going to savour any bit of this.
Yeah.
Yeah, straight out the top of the car.
The old bag, straight out the top of the car.
I was getting caught in a bit of a spin. Yeah, I put my window down. Straight out of the top of the car. Caught in a, like,
yeah.
Yeah.
I put my window down.
Yeah.
A mini tornado came
right through.
And do you know
what?
It was like,
remember when JFK
was shot and
Jackie O is
leaning out the
back trying to
get his head?
It was like that.
I literally, and I
was driving.
Yeah.
I literally reached
to the back like,
no, my beef jerky!
Gone.
Gone for good.
Wouldn't it be weird
if you watched
The Wizard of Oz now and the bit where all the things are going past the window and you saw! Gone. Gone for good. Wouldn't it be weird if you watched The Wizard of Oz now and
all the things are going past the window and you saw
a bag of beef jerky? Wouldn't it be weird,
right, if somebody was driving a North
behind me and was practising
their singing at that point
and the beef jerky went straight in their mouth?
They got a taste for it and then they just
carried on where I left off financially with the beef jerky
companies.
So Jack Link's never lost anything,
because they just carried on eating the ones I would have had.
Yeah, it would be weird, that, wouldn't it?
If someone was on a horse on the motorway.
I mean, you can say what you like about The Lion King,
but that is the real circle of life.
It's right there.
It's when fat blokes go on a diet,
and then somebody else carries on buying the food
what the fat blokes would have had.
That is the circle of life. go on a diet, and then somebody else carries on buying the food what the fat blokes would have had.
That is the circle of life. Hey, yeah, get beef jerky, get myself beef jerky, get beef jerky, get myself beef jerky, get myself, get beef jerky.
I've got to be Pumba.
Sorry, Bill, you used to call me that.
I'll be Zimba when I'm on the telly.
People call me Pumba and Bebop or Rocksteady.
Yeah, at the same time.
Yeah.
Bumming each other. so it's time for
EAB
EBE
Ed's Amazing Birth
you guys know the score by now
pretty rocking section
yeah yes
Ed's Appalling Section
you say what you want
that's just going to make you
more and more unpopular
with the legions of fans
I like being unpopular
with them
I think they're all idiots
I genuinely think they're idiots
not jokey
not jokey I genuinely think they're idiots if they like this section're all idiots. I genuinely think they're idiots. Not jokey.
I genuinely think they're idiots.
If they like this section, they're idiots.
That's fine, but they're idiots with money and they'll be buying the t-shirts and the CDs.
In fact, I'm going to call my sociology training
and I reckon if we properly looked over them all,
I reckon that you'd find a real minority
of inner relationships on their Facebook accounts.
I bet you they're predominantly single.
Right.
Single teenage boys.
Okay, well,
these are single teenage boys.
They don't have a girlfriend
to take out.
They've got a disposable income.
They can buy the t-shirts.
Obviously, the parents...
What t-shirts?
The parents will be...
What t-shirts?
I'm working on a line of t-shirts.
Buffalo Girl?
The Buffalo Girl's
on one of them, yeah.
Buffalo Girl is actually
on a little sort of...
What?
Bib.
Right, okay.
A bib for babies and also for um
when you're going to eat buffalo wings yeah so buffalo i'm actually starting a buffalo girl
restaurant wings buffalo's not got wings yeah yeah but that's what they call like um chicken
wings marinated i suppose i mean if you if you were any good at ed's amazing births yeah at that
point you'd say well i have found on the internet a buffalo that was born with wings that would have
been an amazing birth.
Should I say that now?
No, no, no.
Because if this was my section, I would have said that.
I would have gone in with that.
This is the thing.
I don't think people are giving me enough credit for this section.
Baby grows.
I'm doing baby grows.
One week.
I am one of Ed's amazing births.
So they can be proud of their children.
An extra leg on it and that sort of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What am I...
I mean, really, a lot...
This section could be called...
Starting up a Chinese restaurant called Chinese Dog Woman. Right. This section could be called starting up a chinese restaurant called chinese dog woman right this section could be called ed's disabled children it could be it
could be called couldn't it really yeah i suppose if we're honest i mean you're saying amazing but
ed's disabled children well i'm i like i like to think i'm bringing you know a little bit of
knowledge and uh and interest to the disabled community i mean one week people can understand
it more and then and then it's a more open world. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know what's bad about it. Yeah, rather than being all locked away
like they are at the moment.
Yeah, exactly.
And hidden from society.
Exactly.
Yeah.
One week I'm going to let you
just do it on your own.
Right, okay.
And then we'll truly see
who's the star of Ed's amazing births.
Oh, I do do it.
Well, we'll see who the star
of Ed's amazing births is
when I say nothing
and it's just you
reading out a story from the internet.
Well, what I'm going to say is
could you not do that this week
because it could genuinely backfire.
Why?
Because it's pretty dark.
It's a sad tale.
Is it?
What, a real sad tale?
When I say a sad tale, I don't mean that they had a tale.
Yeah.
I mean, the story is...
They had a tale, but they didn't want it.
But then the Doctor couldn't cut it off.
That is a sad tale.
Or a sad tale that they did want.
Yeah.
But the Doctor put the thing around it and tied it tight, but it wouldn't fall off.
And the tale kept crying.
That's a sad tale, isn't it?
I think it's more poignant
because it's written by a woman who was involved.
What is this? Is it like an email or something?
It was on sort of a forum.
Like on a forum.
Oh, Jesus. You can't do this.
What is it?
I don't want you to just read out
a testimonial from a woman who's
had a miscarriage. No, it wasn't her. Oh, for fuck's sake. Is it an amazing birth, though?
Yeah, I think it is. No, and I think the baby's still alive. You think the baby's still alive?
And it's in America. Right, read it. We have a lot of American fans. Yeah. My 19-year-old
stepdaughter came to visit last summer. You could probably put some sort of sad music i'm not putting sad music under it my husband and
i hadn't seen her in a while to me she was very pregnant i told my husband instead of asking her
if she was and trying to talk to her about it he asked you're not pregnant are you of course
her response was no right next day they both went for tattoos. Who was this?
The girl and... The girl and her dad.
And her dad, right.
Later that day, my stepdaughter was...
Wait, the girl and the dad went out for tattoos?
Yeah, they just went out for some tattoos.
Right, okay.
Right, so it's the standard sort of day out.
Yeah.
Later that day, my stepdaughter was jumping on a trampoline.
Ed, seriously.
No, it's all right, it's all right.
This is the pregnant one?
Yeah.
Ed, we can't do this for the amazing births. The next day, we were driving her home. I'm sorry, we might have to find another one? Yeah. We can't do this for the amazing first.
The next day, we were driving her home.
I'm sorry, we might have to find another one for this.
Oh, fucking hell.
Well, can we warn people?
Does this warrant warning people?
Yeah.
Well, do it now, then.
I don't know what you've got.
What a spoiler warning.
She stated that she needed to stop to use the restroom.
After waiting ten minutes outside the door,
she opened the door, and to my horror, the entire. After waiting ten minutes outside the door,
she opened the door and, to my horror,
the entire bathroom floor was covered in blood.
She told me something was in the trash.
To my horror, it was a six-month-old foetus that was born without its head.
You can't do this!
I took it out of the trash.
We can't put this out!
I took it out of the trash, put it in a box and drove her and the baby to the hospital.
For fuck's sake.
No, good news now.
I think good news.
The head was born at the hospital.
Big investigation.
Oh, fuck.
Big investigation, but nothing further.
How could this happen?
Was it the tattoo?
The trampoline?
Or something done purposely, perhaps?
Could the baby have been coming out and she tugged it too hard and the head came off?
Oh, for fuck's sake.
My husband is in denial and has the attitude of, oh, poor her, it's not her fault.
I, however, cannot look at her the same again.
Right.
Now, hang on.
You said, before you said all that, you said, no, I think the baby's still alive.
Well, it doesn't say it's dead.
I mean, wouldn't the...
I'm not sure whether they...
Because they said the baby was...
Their head was born at the hospital.
Whether they either sewed that on and it was alright or they live
as two separate
things with the body
walking around
and the head lives
in a jar.
Yeah, where did you
find this?
It was on a forum.
It's an inappropriate
section that you found.
It was on the forum.
It's amazing,
isn't it?
It's not amazing,
no.
It's a fucking disaster.
It's horrible.
But it doesn't say
it's died.
What do you think would happen
if somebody contacted that woman now
and said,
hey, on the bright side though,
you've made it onto a British podcast
amazing birth section.
No, but it is amazing.
It's not amazing.
I'd like to speak to the head.
You won't be able to speak to the head.
Why not?
So you think it's a whole thing again
and they've sewed it back on?
No, I think that both bits are sadly dead.
Oh.
Clearly. If it doesn't say that, I thought she would have mentioned on no I think that both bits are sadly dead clearly
if it doesn't say that
I thought she would
have mentioned that
I think it was
sort of tacit innit
I think it was
I don't think
that she needed
to say that
she might have
mentioned it
that it died
yeah I think
yeah she might have
right so
Ed's Amazing Births
this week
was and for some reason
he thinks because
it was in America
it's alright
Ed's Amazing Births
this week
was a girl. She was pregnant
and she had a baby. She'd been on a trampoline
and had a tattoo.
She went to a garage at a service station
did half the baby out
with no head. Three quarters. Blood everywhere.
And then went to the hospital
where she'd done the other bit.
Isn't that an amazing birth? I thought it was
amazing when I thought the baby was alive
but I've just scanned it and it does say that it died,
so I'm sorry about that.
That's not amazing.
Right, and you think that we can...
In fact, do you know what?
We are putting this out.
That's going out.
And do you know what?
I think that Ed's Amazing Births fan page
is going to be mighty quiet this week.
I think people are just going to go,
I can't join in with this.
This is really bad.
I thought it was amazing though.
So when the girl
opened the door
from the toilet,
was she still
maintaining that
she wasn't pregnant?
Because it said
in the thing
that the step mum
went in there
and the daughter went,
oh, there's something
in the bin.
No, you've put that,
you've put that.
No, she said that
she told me there was something in the trash. Yeah, but she was probably... No, she said that she told me there was
something in the trash.
Yeah, but she was probably
crying when she said it.
I'd imagine her going,
there's something in the bin,
let's go, let's go.
How have you read that story?
She was going,
I'll tell you what,
are you ready to go?
Yeah, I've got blood
on my face.
No, come on,
let's get going.
No, don't bother
looking in the bin.
It's fine.
Let's go and play
Time Crosses 3.
I'm still a bit
constipated.
I feel like there's still
a bit left in me
but I'm going to
come on
we'll get back on the road
you've read that
to suit you in your head
that's exactly what I've done
you've changed it in your head
you've given all different voices
I wouldn't be surprised
if some of them
are Mr Men and Little Miss
characters in your head
Mr
Messy
and
Little Miss characters in your head. Mr. Messy and Little Miss Carriage.
Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed
by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.
All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one,
which is performed by Frank Sidewit.
Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production
hosted by Chortle.co.uk.
See you next week.
We'd normally put a funny bit at the end now,
but no-one's listening.
What?
Everyone's gone by now.
I'll do another one.
People now are sat in their office,
or on the tube, or in the car,
in a state of sheer horror. right i think no before no this
is good this is good though because what i've been saying yeah the past however many weeks about this
section that's amazing births being a ridiculous stupid section is now all coming i have this has
validated me yeah this is validate what i've said and you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna pull you
further into the fucking mire right what was theire what was the web page you found that on
it was a forum
for what
for what
for sudden infant death syndrome
right okay
now first of all
yeah
how old are you
23
do you have children
no
right
what were you doing on a forum for sudden infant
24
alright well done you were 24 the other week
what were you doing on a forum for sudden infant death syndrome?
Well, I googled baby born without a head.
Right, well, that's the problem that we've got here now.
Right.
What you're doing is, the things you're pre-empting
to try and make your Ed's Amazing Birth Session good,
are going to just always throw up results like that.
Right.
I mean, in weeks to come, we're going to have things like,
you know, baby born paralys born paralyzed twins born both dead we're gonna have
baby born with no face tried that tried that baby too sad i saw a video
because it didn't even look like it's born without a face it looked like it had an octopus face
i because I think
in a positive way
I think there's people
going to be sitting there
going oh I'm not sure
I like that
but I think there's going
to be one person
driving around in their car
with stitches all around
their neck going
that's me