The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 54

Episode Date: February 9, 2020

"Episode 54" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 55 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. It's the Peacock and Gamble podcast. What are you doing? I'm having a caramel biscuit. Yeah, I'll translate. You're having a caramel biscuit. Yeah, I'm getting it out of my pocket. Do you really think people want to put their headphones on and the first thing they hear is you munching and talking with your mouth open like a rude boy?

I'm not being a rude boy. I'm being a rude breakfast owner. Yeah, I know you're having your caramel biscuit breakfast, but you're also being a rude boy gobbling down the microphone. Well, I'm Ed Gamble. No, you're Ray Peacock. Oh. I'm Ed Gamble with nothing in his mouth

because he's had his Alpen already. You did. But you had Alpen this morning, didn't you? Yeah, Alpen for my breakfast. I'll tell you what the problem with caramel biscuits is. What? They're not good breakfast food. They sort of glue your mouth together.

Right, and we've got to start recording now. Well, we have started recording. We've already started. Which is why you can hear this bit. It's already a thing. Yeah. It's already an issue, isn't it? This is out there in the universe now.

Yeah. You eating a caramel biscuit. Yeah, people now know I've had one. Yeah. I can't. No hiding from that now. No, people now know I've had one. Yeah. I can't, no hiding from that now. No, and you've got the packet open

next to your legs. Well, that won't cause any problems, will it? Right, so now you're ruffling cellophane and munching on caramel. I'll have one more. Right, one more

for the whole recording, all right? What? One more. No, don't eat it now. I've not. Eat it in the break between the sections.

I've just had a bit of that. No, what? Now you're reading the... Eat treat-wise. You're eating the packet. Get to know your GVAs. Calories per biscuit. 70 calories per biscuit. How many can I have? I'm allowed...

How many calories am I allowed? I don't know. Is it like 2,500 for a man? How many are allowed of those in a day? I think I'm allowed this whole packet. Right, but if you don't have anything else. Two, four, six, seven. There's only eight biscuits in it. Right.

So I can eat these eight biscuits and still be fined over your sushi later. Yeah. Right, pop them down now. Let's do the podcast. All right. All right then.

Right, what have you got to say for yourself? Caramel nibbles, hang on. You've got caramel nibbles? Whoa! You've got the whole caramel range. Right, let's see how much these are. Each quarter bag contains 215 calories. So I think I'm still coming in under.

Right, okay, but then you're coming in just under and all you've eaten is caramel and chocolate. No, there's some biscuit in the biscuits. Oh yeah, sorry. You're on one. No, I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side.

I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. I'm on the other side. But then you're coming in just under, and all you've eaten is caramel and chocolate. No, there's some biscuit in the biscuits.

Oh, yeah, sorry. You've got one? No, I don't. I'm all right, actually. Can you do your day better? Yeah, I've had my album. I'll probably be allowed to have your ones in as well. Yeah, you can have my ones, right. But please don't ruffle packaging.

Why? People have turned... I bet there's at least 25 people who've turned off now. Do you think? Because they've gone, what if someone's not listened to this before and they've gone, I've heard very good things about the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Yeah. I'll just put that on. Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.

Oh, hello. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. See, I think that noise you made then was worse than any noise I've made so far. Yeah, but like I say, they've turned off already, so they're not going to be sticking around. No, they've probably listened to it. And you've got to remember remember when you do a podcast, you are being honoured

and being invited into people's ears. Yeah, which you've then taken that honour and munched it right back in their faces. Yeah, it's not an honour, is it?

No. It's not an honour at all. You're getting it for free. Yeah. If I choose to spend the next half an hour eating,

right, you'd be fucking grateful with that. Alright then, Cheers. We'll spend the next half an hour eating. Right? You'd be fucking grateful with that. All right, then. Well, I will have a full roast dinner in the next section. All right, then. Get it out of the oven. Welcome to the show. You can't have a go at me.

What? Saying that I'm making a noise. If you're going to be like that all the way through the show with your clothes over your face. Well, you just did a fart. Oh, excuse me for being a human being. No, what you've done so far... Oh, sorry, sorry, God. Sorry, God, you were wrong designing the human body that way.

Because Ed doesn't like some of its functions. No, all I'm saying is you've turned up to this today... Oh, sorry, God, you're wrong. You've turned up today, right? All you've done is shove your face with caramel products and then guff everywhere. Right, stop trying to bring me down. I'm not trying to bring you down.

I'm just saying that I don't particularly want to sit in your little gas chamber of a day. Stop trying to cuss me. Stop trying to make me feel... Stop trying to elevate yourself in the listeners' ears. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm not stupid. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm not stupid. That's what I'm trying to say.

There are things about you that are wrong. I'm not saying it's wrong that you fart. There are things about you that are wrong. That is a normal thing. Don't give me all that. Don't give me all that about, oh, Ray did a fart like a normal human. Oh, Ray is eating food.

Who invented that? Oh, sorry God, you're wrong about that as well. Making a human want food to keep going and reproduce and keep the human race alive. You're wrong about that because Ed has decided he don't want that. Right. He don't want to sit near it when it's happening. There are things about you that are wrong. Right. Like not even meant to be happening. About you.

Like what? Diabetes. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, at least my body is working normal. Put the food in the mouth, do the trump of gas out of the anus. You're walking around going, put the food in the mouth. No, malfunction, malfunction.

No, can't deal with that. Don't put the food in the mouth, we can't deal with that. Malfunction. Have a bit of lettuce. We can't have Malfunction. Have a bit of lettuce. We can't have a caramel biscuit. Have a bit of lettuce. Malfunction, malfunction, because your body's all wrong.

Your body's all wrong. Your pancreas isn't working properly. Right. Well, your kidneys don't work properly. Yes, they do now. They don't? Yeah, they do. They do for a bit,

and then you'll be like, oh, I need to get in a big ambulance. Oh, dear, my poor old back. You're like an old man. You shouldn't be eating caramel's biscuit. You should be having a Werther's biscuit, you stupid old man. Sometimes you have a spot.

Sometimes you have a spot on your face. It comes out on your cheek. And everyone looks at it. But no one says nothing. They're all going, oh God, look at that. He has got a spot on his face on the telly. You have had a spot before. Yeah. I know, when I was 12. No.

13, I mean. No, the other day. I didn't. Yeah, you did and no one told you. But it was the size of your whole forehead. Just before you went to bed and you were on the webcam with everyone. Oh. And they all saw it, everyone in the world, and then you went to bed, and you were on the webcam with everyone. Oh. And they all saw it, everyone in the world,

and then you went to sleep and it popped on your pillow. Right. Well, I've been not telling you this. To spare your feelings. What? You have got an ump. You have got an ump on your back, and you've not noticed it because it's behind you.

No one is saying anything. Everyone is getting quiet, and they're not noticed it because it's behind you. Nobody's saying anything. Everyone's getting quiet. And they're going, look at that bloke there. He must only be in his mid or early twenties or something. And look, he has got an ump like an old lady or Yoda. Right. He has got an ump. What a disgrace. It is all full of warts.

Right, listen to me now. Now, I'm sorry, but because you brought up the ump, I'm going to have to bring this up. You know that third eye on your shoulder? Yes. That is not supposed to me now. Now, I'm sorry, but because you brought up the ump, I'm going to have to bring this up. You know that third eye on your shoulder? Yes. That is not supposed to be there. Yes, it is. It's for looking around the corner without my face being shown.

No, it's not. No one else has it. You have that because it was your twin got absorbed into your body and it's just an eye there. And if we cut a little hole for his mouth, we'd probably go, get me out of this stupid fat back! Right. He keeps fighting and it drifts up into my internal nose.

I've got something to tell you. I do want to tell you that me and all your friends and family have to do for you. We all have to have special mirrors so that when you come round our house, you can't see that you're green. Right? I've said it now. There's this section ruined. It's alright.

All of those friends of that, you have to tell them you're green and it looks stupid. Prick. What do you think I was in a previous life? I think I was a soldier. Do you? Yeah. Why do you think you're a soldier? I don't know, I just like playing battles.

You like playing battles? Yeah, I'm like computers and that. Right, but then if you're a soldier you probably don't know, I just like playing battles. You like playing battles? Yeah, I'm like computers and that. Right, but then if you're a soldier you probably wouldn't have liked battles. Actually, thinking about it I might have been a car. Why? Because you like driving? I like driving games as well. It's one of the two, isn't it? I think I was a block that was

falling and had to squeeze into a little space. Yeah, it was Tetris. Yeah, and then when I got in there, obviously I died because it made me and all my friends disappear on the top line. Yeah, I think I was a lemming. I think I was a worm with a bomb. I think I was a snake. I think I was a blue hedgehog.

I think I was a Pac-Man. I think I was Italian plumber's brother. I think I was a Pac-Man. I think I was Italian Plumber's brother. I think I was Italian Plumber. That would be what it was. Yeah. So it finally got to the bottom of that one. So, when's Molly's funeral the other day? Yeah.

Heartbreaking affair. Yeah. Not very nice. Headlined it there. Did you? Yeah, I was the headline act. Well done, mate. I was the last one up.

Yeah. To do a speech. Who's MC? Some vicar. Why did he get that? I don't know. I think it's. Did you? Yeah, I was the headline act. Well done, mate. I was the last one up. Yeah. To do a speech. Who was MC? Some vicar. Why did he get that? I don't know. I think it's because he had a frock on. Giving it all Jesus.

Was he? Yeah. Typical. I went and put the record straight when I got up. One of the things that happened at the funeral, though, because I went to university with Molly, and one of the people I went to university with, my friend John,

I used to be in a sketch group with. It was me, John John and Rob Rouse. We were in a thing called Big and Daft. Very, very popular. Did three Edinburgh's. Big sellout shows and that. Stopped doing it. We are clangers, took it over.

So I saw John for the first time in like seven or eight years. And it was quite odd. Is the old magic still there? Well, yeah. I think when you've been working closely with someone and then you start working closely, it's a bit like a divorce. Yeah.

You know, you can't sort of hang around each other anymore because you might end up fucking again. So we just basically just self-imposed, just got away from each other. We were like busy mates and that. Yeah. So it's nice to see him again. It was odd.

But he was telling me, I've not got very good recollection of stuff. Yeah. I think because I've got probably Alzheimer's and my hair's falling out yeah you are going bald mate I know my hair's falling out at a rapid pace

from down the middle yeah I would like that leave it to happen what so I want that bloke out of the grumble weeds yeah

yeah Mick Miller I want to see you with a Mick Miller no bald on the top all down there and then get

get a really long bit from the right of it and comb it all the way over okay I want a vicious comb over no I'm the right of it and comb it all the way over okay I want a vicious comb over no I'm going to shave it and be like Bruce Willis I'm going to be like

Bruce Willis that's what I'll end up probably looking like I'm not sure that Bruce Willis is just a shave I will look like Bruce Willis is

you'll have to get rid of your beard no I'm not no and your belly and your short right so if I want to look like Bruce Willis I've got to get rid of my beard my hair my belly and your short right so if one of them

had Bruce Willis I'd better get rid of my beard my hair my belly and my short and then I will be Bruce Willis alright well do that then

do that then find me a short diet but John was John was reminding me of when we went our final tour yeah because basically

I left Big and Daft at the Brighton Comedia this mentioned for another week running yeah at the Brighton Comedia backstage I just another week running yeah at the Brighton Comedia backstage I just went do you know what

I don't want to do this anymore oh really I fucking hate it I hate this I hate all of it and we stopped doing it but we had the rest of the tour to go

yeah so oh that's good timing from you well it just it had to happen there and then why didn't you do it

at the end because I was angry on the night but yeah so I left that is like having a big anniversary dinner with someone

and all your family are there and the starters have just arrived and you go I don't love you anymore listen I'm behind that well anyway

I said that's me done I don't want to do it anymore and we completed the tour but the rest of the tour was really good fun because of that because we'd split up it was like right

we'll just have a real laugh for the rest of the tour and it is our final tour these are our final shows but it was such a we'll just have a real laugh for the rest of the tour and it is our final tour these are our final shows but it was such a we did the last show in England was Hen and Chicken

in Bristol which I don't really like and it didn't really go very well there so that was our last England show we were like oh that's a bit

of an anticlimax let's make sure the Scotland show is going really well so we went up there we did the Gilded Balloon the bit that's now burnt down

the studio theatre complete sell out ripped the shit out of it it was amazing have been our last gig yeah but it wasn't we went on to another place right we went to paisley yeah and then we went to uh carnegie hall done firmly right right so it's what happened at paisley we got there did a gig and it was a library right but it was officially a theatre. Yeah. It had like a big room at the back of it.

Right. There was a theatre. So we went in to do the gig. Now, Big and Daft, it had a lot of blackouts in it and a lot of lighting cues. So lighting cues and sound cues. Yeah.

So we had this quite elaborate script that we gave to the in-house techie. We didn't have a techie with us. We gave it to the in-house techie, person in charge of the lights and stuff, and said, right, there you go. Everything's highlighted, all the cues and that just follow the script we'll occasionally go off scripts well quite a lot of scripts but we will come back to the point

yeah so if if you find a bit we've that we've not done yeah you're like this isn't in the script yeah just stay there yeah and we'll come back to it eventually that line will happen yeah and he's like okay fine he's like no no bother lads i'm you know i'm very experienced there's no problem so it was it was a an hour and 20 show right no interval yeah right straight through so we started the show uh the first cue was fine yeah like the beginning bit where you press play yeah and put the lights on yeah fine yeah no problems at all yeah and that was the last time he got it right right there were blackouts in the middle of the scenes

there was music not coming up there was like quick cues there was one bit where John went stop and I went

hammer time and then we did the entire MC Hammerdown right okay no hammer time came on so if you say stop hammer time

and then nothing happens it's a bit sort of like awkward so as it John said to me, he was reminding me, he said, as it went on,

the show, he could see me get, we were all getting angry. Yeah. But he said he could see me getting angrier and angrier and angrier. And he says,

he remembers me going over to the lighting desk at one point and shouting in the man's face and saying, look, it is written there. Right?

And then apparently I just turned to the audience and went, do you know what? We're having an interval. We had an interval, right? Yeah. We just put an interval in it. And then it was coming back to me, and I was like, okay, I remember that,

because I remember them shouting at me in the interval. Yeah. And him getting all upset. Yeah. And he was going, honestly, he went, lads, I've been doing this for 20 years. I've been a lighting and sound man for 20 years

and I've never made one mistake in 20 years nothing's gone wrong I blew someone up once he was a roadie for like Deep Purple

or something like that blew someone up anyway we went look this second half now there is one cue you've only got to get one cue right

and we got the script out. And what it was, was at the end of the show, John used to go off and bring back three cigarette packets, silk cup packets, right? And then we'd open them one by, John would open his, Rob would open his one, and I'd open my one. Now, at that time, silk cup used to have a golden paper in it

that you pulled out. Yeah, yeah. It's now, I think it's silver now on silk cup. So them two opened it and pulled out silver ones. Right. And I was like, ah! And then I opened open mine and it was golden ticket right and then what happens when I do that yeah the golden ticket music from Willy Wonka of course it does yeah we do a big dance routine yeah I've got a golden ticket yeah

always really funny so we're saying so that's a cue right that's all you gotta do when you see a golden ticket when the the golden ticket music on. When Ian, that's me, when Ian pulls the golden ticket out, put the golden ticket... That's your only cue, right? So we're going through the show, and it's going fine because there's no cues. Come the time for the golden ticket,

they come out. John opens his silver ticket out. Rob opens his silver ticket out. I open mine. As I open mine, all three of us turn to the lighting desk and did a really slow nod right at him.

And he did a blackout. It was fucking unbelievable. That's amazing. And Johnson, all you heard in the dark was me go, for fuck's sake. So that was our

ultimate one and then the last one was Carnegie Hall. Doug Fennel was like, okay, well that's really cool. We've been going for like four or five years. We go out on a hike,

Carnegie Hall, turn up at the gig, in we go, into Carnegie Hall, massive auditorium, huge, I'm like, oh, this is beautiful,

this is going to be amazing. We're stood in the theatre and the bloke showed us around and went, yeah, it's a lovely theatre, isn't it? We went, yeah, it's so nice.

He went, you're performing in the cafe? They're in a cafe, 30 people. End of an era. I know you're pretty desperate for an update about my mum and dad. Yeah, I am, actually. Great one the other day. Yeah.

I was telling my dad that I've been doing material about him on stage. Oh, did he not know? No, he's going mental about it. Going, oh, right, so apparently you lost all this money when I was ill, cancelling all these gigs and that, and driving up and down. But you're making money now off me. I'm like, yeah, that's how I recoup it. I now tell the stories. It's my way of getting that money back. Well down but you're making money now off me I'm like yeah that's how I recoup it I now tell the stories it's my way of getting

that money back well you're not making money off him you're not calling up gigs and going will you book me for a gig and they go no

well I do material about my dad right you're in five million pounds get back in here but there was also a moment where I saw my dad go

I bet I could give him loads of material and he started telling me stories and they were all just rubbish as soon as you're trying

yeah yeah yeah but my mum saved one of them because my dad went yeah well I'll tell you another thing that used to happen

when I was at work when I was younger all the apprentices used to give them half day on pancake day and that was it and I went right

and I was going I don't know what that means I don't know what that means. I don't know what, right. And then I could see him thinking, going, I better put something else in this. He used to nick the shoes. He used to nick the shoes, though. And I was going, I've got so many questions like this.

And I went, first, what's the correlation between pancake day and half day? Right. And why only the apprentices at the work? Yeah. It's just something they did every year, but they used to nick the shoes. And I went, and why did they nick the shoes? And my mum went, with a straight face and serious, she went, probably to stop a mention in pancake races.

Better get a wriggle on here. Yeah. We're in got a time. Yeah, got a posh meeting, haven't we? Yeah, 20 minutes time, we've got to leave this house. Yeah. Posh meeting. Yeah.

In London. We're going to a restaurant, aren't we? You're going to sit there and then I'm going to come in and pretend we don't know each other and then have sex in the toilet. That's going to be my autograph first. In front of people so they're wondering who I am. Yeah. You've got to meet me about some live shows and then we've got some filming tomorrow.

Yeah, we do. Happy slapping. Yeah. But this meeting today about the live shows. Yeah. Probably just tell them when the live shows are now, can't some filming tomorrow? Yeah we do. Happy slapping. Yeah. But this meeting today about the live shows. Yeah. Probably just tell

them when the live shows are now can't we? Yeah February and March. They're the ones that are confirmed at the moment.

Yeah. I hope there'll be more than that. Yeah definitely mate. But we're doing a run of a work in progress show. Yeah.

Called Peacock and Gamble's Emergency Broadcast and that starts on the 24th February. Yeah. Next year. King's Place London.

Yeah. Our favourite venue. Another one the 24th of March. Which is the next month. Yeah. A month later. Yeah. And it'll be different. It will be. We won't come to Place, London. Yeah. Our favourite venue. Another one on the 24th of March. Which is the next month. Yeah, a month later. Yeah. And it'll be different.

It will be. We want you to come to all of them. Yeah. We want to get a cult going. Yeah, definitely. A proper night. Yeah. And if you don't come,

we're stopping the podcast. Simple as that. And another thing, all these people as well, people going, oh, well, I hope there'll be some up north. Oh, I hope they're not all

going to just be in London. It's like, fuck off. Right? I hope there'll be some up north. Oh, I hope they're not all going to just be in London. I hope it's like, fuck off. Right? I hope that some of you who have listened to this for years and years, for fucking free, that we do at great expense every week, I lose two days a week to this for no money. You lose a day a week and pay money to come and travel up here. Yeah, but I would do that anyway to see you.

I know you would, I know you would. And they're going, well, I hope I don't have to incur any expenses to come and see you do your stupid comedy. Come and do it in my living room. No, you book a ticket and come to us for once in your life. That's about right, isn't it?

It does sometimes make me genuinely angry. Amazing. See, that's your amazing death. Amazing. I don't know what's happening. I don't even know what's happening. Rozelle, the godfather of noise.

Amazing. Amazing death. I would argue that that, as a jingle or as an intro thing, is maybe slightly too long. Right, okay. As a sting, that's too long. Okay. Bring it down to maybe one of them.

Okay. But certainly not the whole thing I think it needs the normal music then amazing then kick in with some drums

no I found it tedious and monotonous and then a Ra's al reference in fairness that does fit nicely with the section

alright which is also what sort of upbeat tedious and monotonous oh so let's say you're amazing

deaths that you've just copied off the forum well no because we can chat about someone the other day went on the forum and went Ed no, because we can chat about... Someone the other day went on the forum

and went, Ed's Amazing Deaths is rubbish because they just use it from here. Right. From the forums, that's why it's rubbish. Right. And they're right, really.

Well, we can chat about it. I mean, I don't know how I feel about fans coming on slagging us off on our own forums. Yeah. But, you know, they were right.

It is a rubbish section. Go on, do it. Read them out. You stupid prick. Who? Sorry. Who is a prick? You are a prick. Why am I a prick? Can't be a prick just repeating something someone else has said. Yeah, no, it. Read them out. Fuck you, stupid prick. Who? Sorry. Who is a prick? You are a prick.

Can't be a prick just repeating something someone else has said. No, you said it was boring. It is boring. Right, Foch said... Who? Foch. Foch? Yeah, it's not my name. Don't have a go at me. I'm not his dad. Are you going to whine your way through this section? Foch said that his great uncle on his dad's side fell into a pig pen at feeding time

and the pigs ate him. Right, this is absolute shit. What? That's nonsense. That's ate him. Right, this is absolute shit. What? That's nonsense. That's Hannibal. No. That didn't happen. It's in... Do you know what?

Isn't it a bit weird that we come up with a section, that we, Peacock and Dumble, come up with a section... Um, we. All right, all right. Ed comes up with a section.

Thank you. Ed's Amazing Deaths on our podcast. Yeah. And then, weirdly, our audience, by complete, complete coincidence... Yeah....have, weirdly, our audience, by complete, complete coincidence, Yeah.

have all had amazing deaths in their family. It's almost like they're making them up. Well, I think that his great uncle was wearing like a Lady Gaga meat dress. Right.

And that's why he got eaten so quickly. But is he not made of meat anyway? That's a... If you fell into... That's a pretty, pretty broad accusation to be chucking about

about people's family. No. Oh, you're made of meat. You don't need to be. You're made of meat. You've got olives for eyes, you'll be saying that. You don't need to be wearing a meat outfit for something that's carnivorous to eat you. You're already made of meat.

I don't even know if pigs eat meat. I don't know if they do either. No. They probably do. I think they do. Well, that's the first amazing death. Well, it's not, is it? I Love Busters said that his grandad won a trips to Italy on the programme Eurotrash.

Hang on. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. He did. He said he did. No, he didn't. Right. First off, I don't even remember him having trips to Italy competitions.

I remember them having competitions. I genuinely remember them having competitions. Why was his grandad watching Eurotrash? He watched it by accident, he said. He won it by accident. How'd you win it by accident? And don't... Let's not start going, why was his grandad watching Eurotrash? Because there'll

be some... Masturbating. Yeah, he was just masturbating. Yeah. Waiting for the funny bit to finish. Yeah. So he could have a masturbate on the naked ladies. Well, right, okay. Or naked men are on that as well. So, yeah, stupid gay grandad. Yeah, big gay grandad. Having a wank over a boy. So he won a trip to Italy on Eurotrash. He got to

meet Lola Ferrari. Okay. And he had a heart attack. The late, the late Lola Ferrari. Yeah, he had a heart attack and died. Right He got to meet Lola Ferrari. Okay. And he had a heart attack. The late Lola Ferrari. Yeah, he had a heart attack and died. Right. Because he met Lola Ferrari. I reckon that would have been on the news. I reckon that would have been reported in newspapers and stuff. Right.

To be honest, he said he met Lola Ferrari, had a massive heart attack and died. So it didn't say he had a heart attack because of Lola Ferrari. There were 20 years in between. Yeah, exactly. That's what I mean. That could have happened. Lola Ferrari had an heart architect, didn't she? I can't remember.

I know it was somebody with her boobs. Her tit exploded on a plane once. Was that her? I think it was her. I thought that was the other one. The other woman. She was ridiculous. She was ridiculous,

but a very troubled lady from all accounts. Yeah, why? Could never get near a writing desk. I think what happened with Lola Ferrari is I think she had a pen pal in Spain who all from a childhood had written to each other. I think what happened with Lella Ferrari is I think she had a pen pal in Spain. Who all over her childhood did written to each other. And that's what really kept her.

Kept her going, kept her level-headed, kept her as well. And then one day she's like, I might have these boobs made bigger. Yeah. Made them a bit bigger. Tell you what, I want them bigger again. Yeah. Made them a bit bigger again. I tell you what, I want to have these made even bigger than that, right?

Made them bigger again. She's not even thinking all the time. Yeah. She's looking in mirrors and it's like, they look normal. Yeah. Because it was one of the special Ed mirrors that I'd left in Italy by accident. Yeah. So she's looking at it and she can't even see that they're any bigger. She's getting made bigger and bigger.

Yeah. And then one day she went to write to her pen pal. Yeah. Couldn't reach her hand to the desk. Couldn't write the letter. Buster's in the way. Died of sadness. Spiralled into depression.

Yeah. Met an old pervert. letter. Buster's in the way. Died of sadness. Spiralled into depression. Yeah. Met an old pervert. I love Buster's as a grandma. Who'd won a competition in England watching Eurotrash. Old pervert turned up

was groping her in that and getting his knob out and rubbing it against her thigh and she's going I can't live like this. And she's awake. I think she may have

committed suicide. Oh really? Yeah. I'm not sure. I don't think she did. No. I think she just did committed suicide oh really yeah I don't I'm not sure I don't think she did no I think she just did her back in

yeah so you're saying that Lola Ferrari died when she killed herself because she couldn't because her bangers got in the way of her letter to Pedro

yeah pretty much that's the story that I'm coming up with right Cochise yeah I don't know how

you say that either no I'm just going to say Cochise he brought up the man from Segway how do you know it's a man the man from Segway, you know. I thought it was a man. The man from Segway.

I don't know, he's a he. Oh, alright. Cochise, they brought up the man from Segway. Yeah. Who died, did you hear about this? No. The man who... What's Segway? Segway are those little sort of upright two-wheeled things

that you stand on and they've got like handlebars. Walking machines. Like walking machines. Yeah, they walk you. They don't walk you because they're wheels. Yeah, but they walk you on a wheel. got like handlebars. Walking machines. Like walking machines. Yeah, they walk you. They don't walk you because they're wheels. Yeah, but they walk you on a wheel.

Right. I know what they are. Go on, I've seen them on the film. This was a week ago, two weeks ago maybe as we're recording now. The bloke in Arrested Development had one.

Yeah, exactly, yeah. The man who owned the Segway company died and he drove a Segway off a cliff. Shut up. Yeah. Deliberately?

No, by accident. Break fail? Possibly, yeah, I don't know. He just went off the edge of a cliff. That is amazing. Does that really happen? Yeah, by accident. Break fail? Possibly, yeah. I don't know. He just went off the edge of a cliff. That is amazing. Does that really happen? Yeah.

You'd be pissed off, wouldn't you? And it wasn't a suicide? No. Definitely not. Apparently not, no. You'd be pissed off. Well, why was he?

You'd be pissed off. I mean... Killed by your own invention. Do you know what? You'd be pissed off no matter how you're killed. Yeah, no, but I mean, there's an irony there,

isn't there? Yeah, I know, but you'd be equally pissed off. Yeah. You would be equally pissed off, right, if a brick just hit you and you died. Right, yeah, but... You'd still be pissed off. But you'd be more pissed off you would be equally pissed off right if a Brit just hit you and you died

right yeah but you'd be more pissed off no you wouldn't if you ran a Brit company no you wouldn't if you ran a

Brit company you wouldn't you'd be as pissed off right no I think you'd be more pissed off

no I think at the moment of death it's not expected to happen that's about as pissed off

as you can get no I think I think Levi Roots would be more pissed off if he drowned in reggae reggae sauce. I see, right, yeah.

Rather than if he got hit by a bus. But if the bus had an advert for reggae reggae sauce on it, that'd be a bit annoying, but not as annoying as drowning in reggae reggae sauce.

Although it is so nice to eat that you'd eat your way out of it, I reckon. Right, well, how about one of our listeners is bound to know

Levi Roots? What? How is that a sentence that makes sense to you? One of our listeners is bound to know Levi Roots. What? How is that a sentence that makes sense to you? One of our listeners is bound to know Levi Roots. I thought they'd contact him. If you've got contact details, we'll contact Levi Roots and find out definitively whether he would be more annoyed being hit by a brick or drowning in Reggae Reggae Sauce.

It's more possible that he drowned in Reggae Reggae Sauce because he used to make it in a bath. Yeah? Yeah, before he went on the den. Drowned in the den. Used to make it in a bath. Yeah. Yeah. Before he went on the den. Dragon's Den. Used to brew it in a bath. Yeah. It's so nice to eat.

It's an amazing story. Reggae Reggae Sauce. Is that genuinely the end of your amazing death? No, no. We've got another one, I think, but that was just my point

about, I think, Reggae Reggae Sauce. Yeah. Jack Rebel said he heard about a man who choked to death on a pew but he couldn't

find the article. Right. I think Jack Rebel is the one that's... I think Jack Rebel's the one that's... I think Jack Rebel is on his Broke Our Internet. Yeah, someone's Broke Our Website.

He's Broke Our Website and I think it's Jack Rebel. Right. I think when he said, oh, post pictures up. Yeah. And I don't know

why he said that. Yeah. Why has he said, hey, here's what I'm going to do, post pictures up in this bit. What for?

I can't believe our forum is now a scrapbook. For Jack Rebel, he wants his own computer scrapbook. If you want to look at pictures that are already hosted on the internet, just go and fucking look on them sites. Don't bring all your viruses onto our sites. Do drawings.

Yeah, by all means, have a scrapbook at home. You could do drawings and put them up. Like fan art. We won't get any of that. Fan art, like Tony Art's picture corner. I know we asked for it last year, didn't we? For the live show. We've got loads then. I. Fan art. Like Tony Art's picture corner. And then we asked for it last year, didn't we, for the live show? Yeah. We got loads then. I think, no, but I mean like actual drawings.

It started getting tedious though, didn't it? Yeah. It started just being our heads. Yeah. Just basically cut and pasted onto a fatter body. That pretty much became what they all were. Yeah. All right, then we'll do some fan art.

We're out of time on this. Yeah, like drawings and glitter and potato print we've got to get a meeting alright alright well that was Ed's Amazing Deaths very good

24th of February 24th of March there are live shows that are in so far I don't know if tickets are on sale yet but they'll be on sale soon on the

Kings Place website so come down and see them if you want it's a different show it's not the podcast live no there'll be elements

obviously because it'll be us yeah well two fat blokes on the stage not really knowing what they're doing. And we will talk to each other.

Oh yeah that element would be there. Definitely be a bit like that. Probably another murder mystery as well. Yeah.

I mean it'd probably be the same as the last podcast live show by the time February comes around and we go still haven't written this have we not?

Still not written it. We'll tell you a bit more about it next week but we've got to go go go to the meeting. Alright go go go go.

Bye bye get going go. Bye bye. The Cook and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble all music

by the Tiger Lilies except for the last one which is performed by Frank Seidhausen the Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk

see you next week