The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 57

Episode Date: March 1, 2020

"Episode 57" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 58 of 128.

Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast. Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast 2011. We're coming. 2011. Wow, I never thought I'd make it this far. Maybe did I, but we have. I'm Ray Peacock, hello. Hello, I'm Ed Gamble, future Ed Gamble.

Well, you're not the future Ed Gamble, you're the present Ed Gamble, you'll always be the present one. 2011. No, don't start all that. Future Rock. Yeah, that's my band, Future Rock. Okay, what songs do you do? Welcome to the future. Oh, it's one of those bands. Yeah, it's like from the future band. Oh, bollocks band. Not all bollocks. It is all bollocks, mate. I hate them bands but it's all electro. Ooh, doing all electronic stuff. Speaking with, like, I'm speaking for

a moniker. What do you like? That's how they sing it. What do you like, then, of music? I like loads of music. Like what? Name five cool bands

that you like. Band Naked Ladies. Cool bands, mate. Why, they're not cool? Everyone has heard of them. Oh, right. Ones that no one has heard of. Yeah, I like k Ones that no one has heard of?

Yeah, I like kooky ones. I like... My favourite music sometimes is just, like, an African woman shouting into a tin. All right, well, I'll tell you the ones I like, then. What? The Table Legs. What?

Who are they? Yeah, never heard of them, have you not, Matt? They're sort of a folk Northern Soul one. And then the other one I like is the Chester Draws Chester Draws? Yep You buy a lot of their merchandise don't you?

Yeah, Chester Draws and I like the What are the Chester Draws like? Similar to the table Right And I like the bookcase on either side of the telly it's all one word

Bookcase on either side of the telly What music do they do? It's like rock but it's not like pub rock. It's rock. You think, oh, that's an original sort of rock. The telescopes. Very good. Just to let everyone know, there is a telescope here.

12-inch ghost poster figures. They sound brilliant. What sort of music do they do? Mainly 80s stuff. 80 do they do mainly 80s stuff 80s yeah small 80s stuff undersized 80s

yeah undersized 80s stuff yeah cool so they're the bands I like they're brilliant mate

what are you going to say in your speech at the Chortle Awards tonight when we win oh well I've got it all planned out because we're Defo's going to win should I just at the Chortle Awards tonight when we win? Oh, well, I've got it all planned out, obviously, because we're deaf. I was going to win.

I should just explain to people we've got nominated for an award. Yeah, for a Chortle Award for Rear of the Year. Best Internet, wasn't it? Best Internet. Yeah, we have invented the best internet. Yeah. And it's got all the best pages on it. We have got Google on our one.

I am on Sky on my one. And I think that I should win that. I'm going to tap mac in to the awards tonight yeah plunk it down in front of steve bennett it runs short i'll say there you go find anything wrong with that internet nothing wrong with that at all yeah best one mate best look how quick it runs yeah so so we win it that our internet is better than all the other internets we probably will win it yeah definitely by the way uh if you listen to this now and you're going oh i didn't know they're up for an award i didn didn't vote for them, then fuck off.

Yeah, fuck off. Go and put this computer in the sea. You're going to put a computer in the sea, will you? Yeah. Because that's not fair. No. And I know there'll be people who'll say that. Yeah. Because they don't bother looking at our website. No. Peacockandgamble.com. Yeah, the best website. Best website. Best internet, innit?

We'll probably win that on the best internet, won't we? So, if you didn't vote for us, then you're not allowed to listen to this. Yeah, goodbye. You're actually not allowed to listen to it. If you didn't vote for us, if you voted for someone else by accident, if you voted for... Which happened. Which did happen, apparently.

And I don't see the funny side of that. No, not funny. So we're not going to laugh along with that. It's not funny. It's not funny. Fuck off. You can't listen to it. If you voted for anyone else,

much as I like Gary Delaney and his Twitter feed, I'm not having it. If you voted for anyone else and you can't listen to this, you're major bed, go and line it. Go and read Gary Delaney's Twitter feed for a bit. Go on, go do that. Go do that, see how you love it so much. Go and get Gary Delaney's Twitter feed, right?

Finger it. Then ask it to marry you, because you're a bit overwhelmed with it letting you put a finger in there. And when it says yes, go get married to it at a farm in Wales or somewhere. Right? Marry it.

Take it home. Live with it. You're not... Don't think you can just come out every now and again and go, oh, I'm just nipping to Mazda and come round and listen to our podcast because you're not.

You're not. We're not being used. You don't... Right, here's an idea. Now what we do is to cut people out who don't look at the website. Yeah.

We talk in our own language and we put the key for that language on the website. That's brilliant. And then they have to look at the website for understand what we are. Call in bit the... Yeah.

For the rest of the show we're going to see a baloodoo. Yeah. And then in order to find out what we're saying you have to go to the website peacockandgumble.com and put it into

Peacock and Gumball Translator right so the rest of the show is just going to be us talking our own language yeah it's a person who had something like

a lefty ding ding ding ding whoa it's going to be like it's not like you're making fun of an African language

that's not fake I was trying to know an african language that's not fake no that was the language that means nice to meet you right yeah that wasn't don't think that ed was saying that then as a as english language that was ed using our peacock and gamble language yup yup yup yup so we're going to translate that in a minute with with gary delaney and the drawing room who you've married and every now again, you just go and you go, Gary, can I get you a cup of tea? And he goes, get out, I am writing! And you go in the kitchen and you have a cry.

You have a cry and drink a bit of wine. And you think, oh, I wish I had stayed with Ray and Ed. Rather than being impressed with all this wordplay. I didn't realise it would take up so much of his time. So, that's going to be my speech anyway. And while we're on the subject of winning Best Internet. Yeah. What are you going to wear for the awards?

I was thinking I'll wear my shoes that I've brought round today. My nice new shoes. That'll do. Alright. That's enough, isn't it? Socks. Just wear your shoes. I was thinking I wear my shoes that I've brought around today. My nice new shoes. That'll do. Alright. Yep, that's enough, isn't it? Socks. Just wear your shoes. I was thinking then

little hot pants. Yeah. Actually maybe cowboy boots. This is actually the same costume I'd wear if I was Doctor Who by the way. Okay. Which I've always thought about

if I was ever Doctor Who. I would like to be Doctor Who. Yeah. I think I'd be a good one and a different stamp. I'd put a different stamp on it. Yeah, well you'd put the... Because I think David Tennant

and Matt Smith, it's nice. I think they're both good, but I think they have a certain similar air to them. But you know there's

been Doctor Who's before that, don't you? Yeah. It didn't start with David Tennant and Matt Smith. I know you're a

young lad, but Doctor Who isn't always a young lad. Like, I could play Doctor Who. No, I could even at my age. That would be an

interesting casting. That would be an interesting casting, wouldn't it? Like, as he goes through, he just gets older and older and more sort of hunched over and little and fat. Right.

I don't know if that's ever happened, whereas somebody's played Doctor Who who has been in Doctor Who playing a different part before. Almost certainly. Well, we don't know that for definite. Well, I think it has. Can somebody let us know, please, on the website, peacockinghamble.com, if you're a Doctor Who fan,

we're not going to go and Google Doctor Who. If you are a Doctor Who fan, which're not going to go and Google Doctor Who. If you are a Doctor Who fan, which let's face it, you probably are. Could you find out for us if someone has ever been in Doctor Who? Yeah. Not like that. And I know he's not called Doctor Who before you start all that off. I know he is the Doctor. Doctor Zhivago.

If you could let us know and then that will give me hope. Right. Maybe I could play Doctor Who. I think you could play Doctor Who. I think that would be a very interesting choice, my friend. Yeah. But I would like to be Doctor Who and all.

And this is what I would wear because you have to have a distinct costume, don't you? I've got a casting today, by the way. Have you? Yep.

Well, good luck with that. Cheers, mate. Go on. Cowboy boots. I'll work from the bottom up. Yep. Cowboy boots, no socks. Right.

To show that I can get stuck in but I'm pretty chilled out. Right. Right? Cowboy boots, no socks to show I can get stuck in. Yeah, like I can work on like a ranch if need be but I'm pretty chilled out. Cowboy boots, no socks to show I can get stuck in. Yeah, like I can work on a ranch if need be but I'm chilled out. I don't need to wear

socks every day as a holiday. You'll get blisters with that. Well, I won't because I just use my sonic screwdriver on them. Get rid of them. So you're a doctor who mainly uses his sonic screwdriver for fixing ailments about himself. On the foot. Oh, I've got a spot.

I put my sonic screwdriver on it. There you go, I'm fine. Right. Then, little denim sort of hot pants short things. Right, okay. Right, everything packed in nice. Yeah. Because that, you know, if you land on a warm planet...

Do I get it packed in so people can see it as I pack it? Yeah. Alright. If you're on a warm planet, then you're going to need the bare legs. And if you're on a cold planet, just use something to warm it up. Okay. So little denim hot pants. Yeah.

Hawaiian shirt. Right, nice. I used to wear a Hawaiian shirt when I was younger for a bit. Of course you did, you're a fat boy. No, but when I was a bit thinner, actually. I used to wear a Hawaiian shirt because I thought that that would show that, you know, every day is sort of quite Hawaiian. It's quite chilled out.

Sense of humour. Yeah, sense of humour, personality. Yeah. Warm. that that would show that you know every day is sort of quite Hawaiian it's quite chilled out it's quite fun sense of humour personality warm doesn't take himself too seriously wears an Hawaiian shirt not just because he's fat

just because he would wear it anyway yeah absolutely and what did you wear in the bottom I mean is all this outfit what you wore as a teenager no no

not the cowboy boots not the denim hot pants won't allow them so far as Doctor Who we've got cowboy, not the denim hot pants. So far as Doctor Who, we've got cowboy boots, no socks, denim hot pants, Hawaiian shirt, last thing, top it all off, judge's wig, to show that I am fair.

If a Dalek has not done too much, I will let the Dalek go. Right, if he's only done a bit of killing. If he's only done a bit of exterminating. I'm surprised that more people don't wear judge's wigs. out and about the place just to show that they are fair

people. I'm surprised. People I think people would trust other people more if every now and again someone came across who just

had a judges wig on. A judges wig that would show that they are fair. And they'll go alright well they'll give me a fair earring.

Yeah either that or holding some scales. Well of course there are cooks who do that aren't there. Yeah. Fair cooks. Yeah. I that or holding some scales. Well, of course, there are cooks who do that, aren't there? Yeah. Fair cooks. Yeah.

I've always found Delia Smith to be quite fair. She is a very fair lady. In my mind, anyway. Yeah. Although, interestingly, very chubby hands. I've always noticed this with Delia Smith. Watch her cooking programmes on the telly. Very chubby, freckly hands.

Has she? Yeah, when she's making dough and stuff. Which bit of the hands is chubby? Is it the palm? It's all of it is quite chubby. I tell you what I hate. What? of the hands is chubby? Is it the palm? It's all of it is quite chubby. I'll tell you what I hate. What? A chubby palm. I know because I've seen this happen

with you. I've seen you meet, I saw you meet someone once who had a chubby palm and that person shook your hand and you like... I was nearly sick. I know you were. It was like a cushion. It was horrible. Yeah. Imagine if that person with the chubby palm was right, you're asleep.

Oh, no. Right? And they come up. They just literally just rest on the other side of your face. And you're in your dream-like state. You're thinking, that's lovely. That's really, really nice. And then you just feel a bit of the side of the palm just flopping into your mouth.

As you're sleeping, you've got a bit of chubby palm in your mouth. I'd hate that. Chubby palms. Chubby palms. Why are you scared of chubby palms? It was just a really weird feeling. People's hands got a bit of chubby palm in your mouth. I'd hate that. Chubby palms. Chubby palms. Why are you scared of chubby palms? It was just a really weird feeling. People's hands shouldn't be that chubby. Imagine if it turns out when you meet Flabella Benjamin that she has got chubby palms as well.

I bet she's got little Play-Doh hands. You wouldn't be able to deal with it, would you? I wouldn't be able to deal with it, mate. I wouldn't be touching her hand. I'd be off in the other direction. Or she's just some Strobe driver on it. So the emergency broadcast shows are coming up. Oh, exciting!

Here at Cock and Gamble emergency broadcast, King's Place. Yeah. 24th of Feb's the first one. Yeah, and then 24th of March is the one after. How many is that in days

from now? In days from now when we're recording it. 7th of May. Or if they then 24th March is the one after. How many is that in days from now? In days from now when we're recording it or if they're listening to it on the Monday that this is released. Monday the 7th. Yeah, 7th. So 16, 16.

No, is that right? 17. 17, I meant 17. 17 days. 17 days. To get tickets. To get tickets and get it on. And it's selling extremely well

so you've got to get your tickets. That's so well, isn't it? I mean, if you can't get tickets for that because it might have sold out by then. So if you can't get tickets for that one, the next one's out by then, so if you can't get tickets for that one, the next one's 24th of March. Yep. After that,

May the 26th. Yep. After that, June the 23rd. Yep. We don't know if 26th and 23rd, if they're on sale yet

or not. I'm not sure, I don't think they are. Okay, well they're going to be in a bit. Yeah, and we'll let you know

when they are on the website, on the badoo. You're going to map. There's also one at York University on the 11th of March, but I think what

they're doing is they've given the tickets to the students first and then if there are any left over they're going to give them to the

public. Not give them, you've got to pay for them. Yeah, so keep an eye out because as soon as we know we'll tell you.

But that's a different show that one. It's still the emergency broadcast but it's stand up in the first half and then it's a

constrained toned down version of the big emergency broadcast show. Not toned down in content, we'll still be rude on that won't we? Oh no, just ton stand up in the first half and then it's sort of a constrained toned down version of the big emergency broadcast show. Not toned down in content. We'll still be rude in that won't we?

Oh no just toned down in like the colouring of it. Yeah. It's going to be quite pallid. Yeah like a blue sheen to us.

You're like Avatar. Yeah. So the number if you want to come to the King's Play shows for the box office is 0207 520

Could you sing this? No. 0207 520 1490 0207 520 oh could you sing this no 0207 520 1490 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520

0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520

0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520

0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520

0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520

0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520

0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520

0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 520 0207 5 value aren't we because we work very hard on the actual content of the show yeah which runs i think from eight till ten eight till ten yeah is the main show with a little interval in between for you to go and get your drinks and nuts get a little bit of pop and then after that yeah optional

there is also we're going to screen the pilot we did last year yeah it's only a short little thing ten minutes long yeah and we're also going to do a feedback session it's purely optional you don't have to pay for it anything like that that's where we put the mics we've been using really close yeah to the speakers. We'll be touching our radio mics together, right, our little clip-on mics. What we'll do is me and Ella just go right close

as if we're going to kiss each other and it'll make a screechy noise. And that's just that session, a session of that, basically. Yeah, do that for 20 minutes and show in a film. So that's extra value. Yeah.

Excuse me, Ray. Yeah. What do you think you might wear to the Chortle Awards slash what would you wear if you were Doctor Who? Two answers to that. All right. I probably won't be at the Chortle Awards. I'm probably not coming here.

Oh. I've never been to the Chortle Awards. To be honest with you, there's more of a chance of me going this year because I'm nominated for something. What's always put me off in the past has been going and not being nominated. Yeah, sure.

I'm not going to go and watch other people less deserving than me win awards. Oh, well, you're really ingrat go and watch other people less deserving than me win awards. Oh, well, you're really ingratiating yourself to the community there, aren't you? I'm also worried as well that if I go tonight

to the Total Awards, again, I'll have to watch people less deserving than me win awards. Why put myself through that? I might come meet you before it and then just walk you to it. All right, then.

And then put you in it. I've been it a couple of times because it's free drink, isn't it? I don't know. don't know is it yeah well you went and presented an award once as well yeah that was a disaster you went with the rg i don't i don't think i'm gonna drink this time i think i'm just gonna go and watch us win and then live it and then get the tube home live us winning get a tube home with an award in your hand yeah and then people were going oh who's that bloke and yeah and then you you'll just oh, I'm just no one. Yeah. So what I'm saying is, as my answer is,

I probably will just wear what I'll be wearing, which is just... Okay, which is a full baby grow, isn't it? Black top. A full baby grow with a big Superman logo, but R instead of S. Some jeans, blue jeans, white trainers, as normal. And I think that's how I would be Doctor Who. Is I'd just wear it.

Part of the problem with telly stuff, when you're going to film TV stuff the most boring part of it is going putting your costume on and getting your makeup on and all that

sort of lava yeah it is and hanging about it is I know what you mean mate oh when are they going to film my scenes yep that's what you do

that's often I've seen you hanging about yeah at TV recordings going when are they going to film my and they never do

yeah sometimes you just wait all night and then you go home. All sad. So, with that in mind, just turn up in your own stuff. Right. So that's what I'll be doing

when I play the Doctor of Doctor Who. I'm not one for dressing up. I don't look very good in a suit at the moment. I used to when I was younger. I tell you what, I think you do. I don't. I'm too tubby and my hair's too long. Right.

It won't do suit. I tell you, I don't look nice in black tie because I genuinely always look like a bouncer. Well, that's all right, though. It's not like that. Not really. Not if you're going to a posh party. I think you'd look quite cool, mate. And people will be going, oh, why have you come in?

I've not done anything. I've not done anything. Just punch them in the face and throw them out. Yeah, I do. I do in the end because I buy into the role so much. Exactly. Get away with it. Yeah.

So my options are, go in my normal scruff, go in suit and tie and look stupid, or go in fancy dress. Can or go in fancy dress. Can't go in fancy dress because I don't agree with it. Why don't you agree with fancy dress? I think fancy dress is the most ludicrous thing of ever inventedness. I love fancy dress. Nonsense, no you don't. What have you done in fancy dress, us?

Probably some of my best ones. An English man. You went as an English man to school? Little shorts pulled up really high, t-shirt with a Union Jack on it, knotted handkerchief, big glasses with flipped down sunglassy bits. Right. And and socks right that was brilliant right that was a good one what else have i gone as though we've talked about on the podcast before luck would be bomb yeah can we not talk about that i didn't go very well why would you do it though it's fun do you know what i don't like about fancy dress the most is other people's reactions to it i remember i was at uh what

services was it it was one of the m60s i can't remember what it's called it was the morning of halloween and the ladies that worked in the starbucks there were all dressed up with halloween costumes right yeah one of them was all like green face he was a witch right right and the bloke it was being served before me yeah honestly didn't shut up about it for so long and he was just nudging his mate and he was going oh oh um you shouldn't be in today you look a bit green laugh laugh laugh laugh yeah oh you should go home you're not well you are green

laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh oh look at her over there only half eleven and she's already been mauled to death because there's all this blood on her and that right she's been mauled to death so he's sending her home

I like that it's only half eleven yeah that usually happens at one. Yeah, it's been half eleven already. She has been mauled to death. So, have a half day off. Yeah. So I don't like all that.

I don't think I've... Well, I have done fancy dress in my life. I entered two fancy dress costumes. I bet you went as Blues Brothers quite a lot, didn't you? No, because I was in Blues Brothers, so I used to get to dress up as Blues Brothers. Because Blues Brothers is the typical cop-out fancy dress costume. Okay.

That's what I always found. There was always someone who went as one of the Blues Brothers because it meant they could just put a suit on and a hat and sunglasses and actually look quite cool when they were doing fancy dress. And also, they didn't have to go out and buy anything special. We should go to Chorley Awards as Blues Brothers. Yeah.

I've done two fancy dress. One was, I was about five or six something and I went as Superman. Brilliant. It was just a Superman costume. Yeah. That had been bought. Yeah, see, I don't agree with that. No, me either about five or six something, and I went as Superman. Brilliant. It was just a Superman costume. Yeah. That had been bought.

Yeah, see, I don't agree with that. No, me either. Looking back at it, I entered a fancy dress costume competition. Like, buttoned into somewhere. Just wearing a Superman outfit. Yeah, that's rubbish. Official DC Superman outfit. Surely that's a winner.

I've got a picture of me wearing it. Yeah. With a clown with his arm around me. Also, it sets me on the look of it, because he looks, it's quite a scary clown, and he's also definitely dead. What do you mean? He's dead now. Now? Yeah.

Might be John Wayne Gacy. Could be John Wayne Gacy, yeah. Yeah. Lucky escape there, I know. And the other one I did was in jersey ones. That's not fancy dress, just wearing a jersey. When I think about it, right? Jersey de place.

Bergerac. When I think about it, and I look back, it makes look back it makes me cows and that it makes me really cringe because they were having a fancy dress competition at a hotel and I decided I wanted to go as Popeye so what happened was

my mum took me out shopping we were running a bit late and the only bit we got the only bit we got was a pipe right it was a real pipe

yeah I can remember I took it in the swimming pool anyway we got the pipe and my mum was saying, we'll get you a sailor outfit and stuff to go with it. And we'll draw your tattoos on with that.

Yeah. The day the fancy dress competition arrived, took me out into Jersey, into the town and that. Couldn't get a sailor outfit for love nor money. On the day you were doing this? On the day. I would just get a sailor outfit on the day. Yeah, what's your thought?

It's like you could go to a fancy dress shop and just get one. Yeah, yeah. No one had one. Couldn't get one nowhere. Went and tried like army, navy stores, all that business. Yeah. Nothing. Nothing even like one. Yeah. I'm getting more and more wound up. I can still remember it. Yeah. to the dress shop and just get one and no one had one couldn't get one nowhere went and tried like army navy stores all that business nothing nothing even like one I'm getting more and more

wound up I can still remember it getting really keyed up and angry about it I was like this is just gonna be how can I go as Popeye when all I've got is a pipe

right as it turns out that would have been a better costume than the one I ended up with right because what happened was last minute

we're just passing this shop and my mum went, oh, you could just go as a monkey. Right? And I'm thinking, I've just got some sort of idea. Right? All she bought was

a monkey mask over the head one. Yeah. Right? Which she sold to me on the basis that it looked a bit like Chewbacca. Which it didn't at all.

And unbeknownst to me, she also bought two rubber snakes. Here's how I went to the fancy dress. And by the way, there were hundreds of people there. Pair of my mum's knickers. Snakes around my shoulders. And a monkey mask on. And that was it. Why did you have a pipe?

I didn't have a pipe. I didn't use the pipe. I didn't get to use it. That was it. Why did you have a pipe? I didn't have a pipe. I didn't use the pipe. I didn't get to use it. That was it. Why did the monkey have knickers and snakes? I've literally no idea to this day. Were you bare apart from the knickers? Bare.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're like Mowgli and then a monkey's head with some snakes. Completely. I was like Mowgli if he hadn't been rescued from the jungle. And you won the competition. I didn't win it. You know what you had to do? There was a bit where

you had to come out in front of everyone and just do a bit with the audience. Yeah. Do you know what I did? What?

I was panicking that much. I didn't know I'd have to do that. Yeah. I was brought out and I put on my mum's knickers and

a monkey mask on. Right? And I can vividly remember this. And I can remember seeing it through the eyes of the monkey mask.

Yeah. It's quite how isolated I was in there. Yeah. I think it's the closest I'll ever come to being a serial killer and just losing my mind. I literally ran about that stage

hitting the front row with snakes. Really hard. Yeah. And I can remember doing it really hard. I remember children crying and stuff. So I was like smashing them. I bet there's children who were there who were still scarred from it.

Children crying. I was smacking it across the faces and I didn't were there who were still scarred from it. Children crying, I was smacking it across the faces and I didn't win. Brilliant story though, mate. It was very avant-garde. It was like Bauhaus. Should have won it. If I'd have had the pipe, I'd have won.

Haven't people been waiting a long time for this podcast to come back? I suppose. And they've been waiting for this section. We did one at Christmas. Ed's film pitches. We're not doing it. I suppose. And they've been waiting for this section. We did one at Christmas. Ed's film pitches. We're not doing it. I thought we'd agreed that we weren't doing sections. Hey, no. Listen to this. I've got a joke planned about this. Right.

People have been waiting longer for film pitches than they have been for the Prime Minister of Egypt to leave. Right. We agreed that we weren't going to do regular sections anymore. This isn't a regular section. I've only done it once. Oh, I've got you. No, but by done it once. Oh, I've got you. No, but by doing it again...

Oh, I've got you. All right, then. By doing it again, it's not a regular section. It's a repeat section. It will only be a regular section if I do it once more with exactly the same time distance from this one. I just think I prefer the podcast. It's easier to edit as well when we don't have a regular section,

when we don't have things we have to keep doing every week. Let's call it something different. All right, what is it? Ed's Film Idea. Right. Not Ed's something different alright what is it Ed's film idea right not Ed's film pictures alright Ed's film idea right it's sort of a pitch no you can't say that

just say it's Ed's film idea Ed's film idea right right do you want to hear it or not not really it's called OMG and it is a teen issues

horror drama okay is this the thing that when you arrived at my house today you held that up and said this is nonsense no so it's not that no that was a picture of your career uh oh Okay, is this the thing that when you arrived at my house today, you held that up and said, this is nonsense? No.

So it's not that? No, that was a picture of your career. Uh-oh! Right. I'm just getting you in the mood for the American. For the American, because it's like American. Uh-oh, like American. OMG.

You can do American all you want. Yeah. But American isn't just, let's insult Ray. Snap. What's up with my career? Nonsense. Oh, it's not, American isn't just let's insult Ray. Snap. What's up with my career? It's nonsense. Oh, it's had good bits in it. There have been some good bits, don't. I will kill myself.

Don't kill yourself. I will kill myself now. Don't kill yourself. Right, go on. I'm not carrying your coffin, you fat wanker. Like, what is this now? I love you, though, but I'm trying my very best to lose some weight at the moment. I'm eating cracker bread.

I know you're eating cracker bread all day. I've stopped eating butter, I've stopped eating bread, I've stopped drinking pop, and I've stopped eating chocolate. That is very good. Well done. I've said well done. I'm fucking miserable. I hate it.

I hate this. Please can I have a Chinese? You can't have a Chinese. Chinese makes you sneeze anyway. You can't have a Chinese. I know. I'm allergic to MSG, aren't I? Whenever you have a Chinese, you turn into a little kitten

on YouTube. I keep thinking, well, you should film me one time. Alright, oh, let's do that. Let's get a Chinese tonight and you film me after it. We're not getting a Chinese and pretending it's part of work. We can write it off our tax. Right, well, we can. Imagine if you get looked into, if you get investigated

and go, what was this? Why have you put a Chinese dinner on here? Oh, we were getting that because Chinese makes me sneeze and we were filming it. Me and Ed were filming it to put it on YouTube. Definitely try that. Right, here we go. OMG, a teen issues horror drama. Imagine you are from the studio, right? Right, okay.

The setting, American high school. Okay, listen. I only got a few minutes. No, no. You've just said imagine I'm from the studio. Don't do a character. Look, this is my bit. You can't do one of your famous characters. You've just said imagine I'm from the studio. Don't do the character. Look, this is my bit. You can't do one of

your famous characters. You've just said imagine I'm from the studio. Hey, in you come. Sit yourself down. I'm just smoking my WXF fibre tip. You're British.

Sit... This is a British studio. Oh, hello there. In you come. Sit yourself down. Right, you're not in it anymore. What a nice boy. You're not in it.

You're just Ray. What's your name? You're normal Ray now. You're normal Ray now. Right it. You're normal Ray now. Right. The setting, American High School, USA, America. Plot. Tiffany is a geek.

And boy, do I mean geek. She has glasses. She has just moved from the countryside town of Notkoolsville. Of where? Notkoolsville. All right, nice. Population 11. To the ultra swish urban environment of USA, America.

She is kind and understanding and expects the other girls in her new school, American High School, to be the same. Right, just hang on. They are not. Yesterday, you criticised me because at the end of a thing that we'd filmed, I used as the final music of it, Everybody's Making It Big But Me, by Dr Hook. Yeah. And you said, oh, that's a bit too literal. Yeah.

I wouldn't use that because it's too literal. I said, I think it sounds nice. It is a bit literal but me by Dr. Hook. Yeah. And you said, oh, that's a bit too literal. Yeah. I wouldn't use that because it's too literal and I think it sounds nice. It is a bit literal. Yeah, no. Well, today you've turned up with an idea saying that a girl who's not cool

is from Not Coolsville. Oh, that's weird. What? That that's worked out like that. Right, carry on. I just looked on Google Maps. Did you? Yeah.

It's a real place, is it? Yeah. Where is it in there? Washington. Right. The first girl she meets is Amber Bitchington Lipstick who is popular, rich, attractive,

and makes that L sign for loser out of her finger and thumb on her forehead, and everyone laughs. Yeah. She takes a not shine to Tiffany, and I couldn't think of a word. Oh, God, Ed. And along with her crew, Stacy, the slightly uglier one who seems to be a bit nicer when Amber is not around,

and Shaniqua, the urban one with attitude. What's urban? It's a film term. What does it mean? Just a bit cool with attitude. Right. So urban means cool with attitude?

Yeah, in film terms. Right. They play merciless pranks on Tiffany. And Bully, that is issue number one. I've marked all the teen issues in this, by the way. I see. Because this is how we're going to sell it. And Bully, issue one, for her horrendous acne,

issue two, which is all over her face. But not so much that you can't tell she is pretty underneath. I see, okay. One day, it all gets too much

for Tiffany and she feels she can no longer get help from her parents, both played by Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis is retired? No, he can't come back for this.

He's not coming back for Ghostbusters 3. Why would he come back for this? Because he gets to play two parts like Eddie Murphy. Right, okay. She decides to cast a voodoo spell. Why not cast Eddie Murphy as it instead? Because the lady, the girl in question is not urban,

so it wouldn't make sense for Eddie Murphy. Sorry, what? Urban? Cool, because Eddie Murphy is too cool to be her parents. It needs to be someone geeky like Rick Moranis. I mean, I just need to turn a page and there are two more pages of this. No there's one more page and then the cast.

That's enough. Go on. She decides to cast the voodoo spell on the girls who have been tormenting her. She goes to the machine from Big and

puts. What? The machine from Big? Yeah. Like the fortune teller thing? Yeah. That's how she does

the voodoo spell. She goes to the machine from Big and puts in a bit of her lady's blood. Issue three. Menstrual blood? Lady's blood. We don't saystrual blood? Lady's blood.

We don't say menstrual blood. What's the issue with that? Periods. How's that? Or girls, because there's someone who might be worrying about it so you showed it.

It's alright. Yeah, it's alright. Just shove it in your hand and put it in a machine. Find the one from Big. That's like dinner of issues. And does a chant from a secret book she found earlier

on the internet, issue four. Why is that an issue? Because Facebook, internet. What do you mean Facebook? Facebook, the internet, issue four. Why is that an issue? Because Facebook, internet. What do you mean Facebook? Facebook, Bebo, MySpace. Yeah, but how is that an issue? Teen issues, this is what they care about.

Twitter. Twitter, Facebook, Bebo. Hey, we've got a new Twitter account, at PGEB Live. PGEB Live, at PGEB Live. Yeah, that's for the live show. Sorry, Ed, go on. So what's the issue?

I was thinking we could get T-shirts done, like CBGBs, but with PGEB. I don't know what CBGB's is. It's a famous New York club, and you'd recognise the t-shirt design. I'll look it up. I'll Google it on the internet. On the internet. Issue 4, there we go. Whilst looking for information about boys, issue 5. See, I've really got

into the mind of a girl here. You've not at all. So far, you've got her on Facebook thinking about boys and shoving her fanny blood up her finger Coney Island. Little does she know, she has made a mistake in the spell caused by her faulty printer, issue 6. How is that an issue? Teenagers might have faulty printers. She has actually awoken a demon in her acne, see issue 2. Oh for fuck's sake, you can't have a demon in her acne.

Can now, she's done a spell from the menstrual blood that she learnt badly off the internet because of her faulty printer issues. I think you're on smack. Team Whatever continue to tease her mercilessly. That's what I've called the bullies. Team Whatever, because they go whatever and do the L on their forehead.

I imagine you wrote it and then just put whatever down and then thought, oh, that actually works. Until she feels her face itching. Suddenly, in the middle of cooking class where everyone spends most of their time talking about n-sync issue seven an acne demon bursts forth from her cheek shiniqua is immediately murdered when her training bra issue eight is ripped through her neck right

first off why is shiniqua the first one to die it's just tradition what's the tradition shiniqua it's the last one in the alphabet gets killed first. And how's Shanique with the last one in the alphabet? Of all the girls, apart from Stacey. Right.

She was closest when her training bro was hanging out at her Buckley top. Right. Nothing to do with being urban then? Nope.

Right. The other two guard bullies are chased through the corridors of the school and Stacey is killed by a falling Zac Efron poster,

issue 9, covered in drugs, issue 10. Want to find out what happens next? No. Then commission the script as a Hollywood film. Cast,

Tiffany, Sandra Bullock, Amber, Christina Aguilera. Tiffany, Sandra Bullock? Yeah. She's about 40. Yeah, but I thought she'd be good in this.

You can't have Sandra Bullock as the main lead in a teen film. Right, well that's flexible. Right, go on. Amber, Christina Aguilera. Stacey, Kathy Najimy. I don't know who that is. Big fat lady.

She was in Hocus Pocus. She's one of the women. I've got to... Was she in Sistrats as well? Yes, she was, yeah. Okay. Shaniqua, Precious. The big girl out of Precious.

Yeah. Yeah, Precious. Todd, Justin Bieber. So she's Shaniqua, is she? Shaniqua is played by Precious. The big girl out of Precious. Yeah. Yeah, Precious. Todd, Justin Bieber. So she's Shaniqua, is she? Shaniqua is played by Precious from Precious. And she's got a training bra on. Yeah. So you're maintaining...

In your casting, you did say in your thing, she's killed by a training bra. I did. Right. Yeah, you've cast Precious as Shaniqua. Yeah. Have you seen Precious? I've seen the trailer for it.

Right. Have you seen the poster for it? Based on the novel Push by Sapphire. Have you seen the poster for Precious? Yeah. Did you not notice in that poster how massive her busters are? Right.

They are massive busters. Wouldn't they need training to stay in? Carry on. Who's your other members? Mum and Dad, Rick Moranis, Todd,

Justin Bieber. Right, I don't know who that is. Sandra Bullock, Christina Aguilera, Kathy Najimy, Precious from Precious, Rick Moranis

and Justin Bieber. That is an Oscar winning cast. Such a shame it will never see the light of day. It might do. On account of being shit. Peacock and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.

All music by the Tiger Lilies except for the last one which is performed by Frank Sidebottom. The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week.