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Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast.
It's time for Craig David, off the hook, live at Wembley.
Is it?
No, that's what I've decided is going to be the secret name for this.
The secret name?
If any of our army get arrested.
If any of the army get arrested,
then you're to say,
Officer, I am part of the production team
on Craig David, off the hook, live at Wembley.
Yeah, and what if they say,
Ooh, that was in 1997.
That was when his VHS released that.
Yeah, but what if the police...
Then say, well, I'm still working on it.
How are people still working on that?
Just say that.
Try and help them on that.
No, you're not. Try and get them in trouble. Say they're still working on a VHS for Craig David.
Welcome to the Peacock and Gamble podcast this week. I am Ray Peacock. Hello.
And I am Ed Gamble. Hello.
Hello. Now, back to this army.
Right.
Now, it's been very good this week, the army.
Yeah, we should explain for new listeners, mate, because hopefully the army have got some new listeners in.
And you think they've started listening now? Yeah. Then you don't know how you got here, because they've been so subtle in the army yeah we should explain for new listeners maybe because hopefully the army have got some new listeners and you think they've started listening now yeah then you don't know how you got here
because they've been so subtle in the army yeah that's a good point actually we need to tell
people when they are telling new people to listen to it yeah to start at the beginning yeah otherwise
they're going to go and listen to it now and go hang on this is all a big con yeah they've told
people to come and get us to listen to it yeah they've told people to tell lies and say it's good
yeah yeah so you've got to say to them you've got to listen to it. Yeah. They've told people to tell lies and say it's good.
Yeah.
Yeah, so you've got to say to them,
you've got to start at number one and listen to them all. You've got to start at number one.
And then they get to this bit.
Listen to them all in one night.
They feel like they're involved rather than they've been tricked.
It doesn't matter now.
Now they're like, oh, I get it.
Brilliant.
Yeah.
Brilliant idea.
We've had a good day today, haven't we?
We've had a brilliant day, although I feel a bit mucky.
Because of the train.
Because of London.
Oh, really?
Do you feel great after London?
Sometimes.
Same. If I've been up early and out into London. I have to go and do a bit of acting, casting thing. Yeah. Because of the train. Because of London. Oh, really? Do you feel great after London? Sometimes. Same.
If I've been up early and out into London.
I had to go and do a bit of acting, casting thing.
Yeah.
Wasn't very good.
But then the best bit of it was on the way home on the train, and I decided to do some
portraits.
You did a drawing of me, didn't you?
A beautiful drawing on my iPad.
It was horrific.
Really upsetting, horrible drawing.
I had big buck teeth and measles because I was on the beach, apparently.
Well, that's not what all the other people in the carriage thought.
Mate, they were children looking
at it, then looking at me,
and then laughing. Really laughing. And then laughing.
I was like the elephant man or something. Yeah.
I felt like I had to cower in a corner and go,
why are you laughing? And that girl sat next
to me, adult girl. Yeah.
Laughing away. Laughing away, but I think... Looking over my shoulder.
Because it was just because you were being cruel that she was
laughing. No, she was laughing, like I said at the time.
She's laughing because she can't believe...
She's joy...
She's full of joy...
Yeah.
At seeing some art that good.
Right, well, we'll put that up on the website, won't we?
When the podcast comes out.
Yeah, if you want.
On the Monday.
So go and have a look at that at peacockandgamble.com.
I'll put it up now if you want.
No, because that won't make sense to anyone.
No, put it up now and then it is a nice surprise.
All right.
All right, how about this?
They've not heard this bit yet. So how about I put it up now and say, who is nice surprise. Alright, how about this? They've not heard this bit yet.
So how about
I put it up now
and say,
who is this?
Right, well they're just
going to say who this is
and then we'll see
how accurate it is.
Right.
Yeah?
Right.
Welcome to the show.
Hey, very quick thank you
as the last of the gifts
come in.
Yeah.
Link Hogthrob,
thank you very much,
arrived in my possession now. Therethrob, thank you very much.
Arrived in my possession now.
There you go, yeah.
Andrew Rowlands is a star.
And I'll be sending you something back, Andrew Rowlands.
Will you?
Yeah, I've got his address here now.
Yeah.
It is at two... No, no, no, no.
What?
Don't read that on the podcast.
Oh, right.
Okay, well, I'll send him a thing.
Also, some of the gifts that are unexpected.
We got a DVD.
You got a DVD?
No, sent to us.
So I guess it's ours.
Well, guess who's keeping it?
It'll be you, won't it?
Well, have you got a multi-region DVD player?
Well, you always keep the gifts.
Have you got a multi-region DVD player?
Yes.
So you can watch it?
Yeah.
Right, you can take it then.
Thank you.
And you've got to give me a report next week what it was about.
All right.
On your multi-region DVD player.
All right, well that sticks with the regular section then, doesn't it?
You haven't got a DVD player.
Well, we'll see because I'll tell you
exactly what happened in it.
Alright, I'm looking forward
to that next week.
What is it?
Oh, so you're going to
Google it?
Wikipedia?
No.
Very clever.
No, I'm not going to.
Other thing was
a little badge,
baby on board badge
from London Underground.
Yeah.
Dear Aaron,
in regards to your rant
on the baby on board badge
scheme from TFL,
I wholeheartedly agree.
Having a baby in this day
and age isn't a miracle,
it's a biological process.
That sort of implies
that it used to be a miracle.
Yeah.
In the olden days.
Well, I can think of one very special baby.
I can think of one very special baby.
It was a miracle.
Elvis.
When our population is this vast, I think it's simply idiotic.
If they did a similar scheme for people that's able to stand for reasons they can't control,
I'd be more in favour.
Maybe the badge could read, I wish I'd fought to mind the gap.
A nom. I don't know who a nun is.
Well, I don't know.
Why would you send that anonymously?
Well, a nun, she doesn't want to be called out by the Vatican.
But are they saying that you should get on the tube wearing a baby on board badge?
I might give it a go.
Yeah, definitely.
How can they prove otherwise?
And then when someone says, excuse me, mate, you shouldn't be doing that, you go, oh, I'm very offended.
Yeah. Oh, I'm very offended. Yeah.
Oh, I have hormone problems.
Yeah, I get really, really angry about it.
I'm having quintuplets.
Yeah.
Let's plough through that, because we've got quite a lot to get through this week.
We've got to do your version of the Lion King.
Yeah, can't wait.
We've got to do.
We've got to catch up with the Pop Van Blue.
Yeah.
And we've got, which we always do at this time of year, remember?
But also the army update.
Don't forget, last week we started our own army.
Yeah, Peacock and Gamble Army.
I think of it as a bit like a Viking army in a way.
Well.
I'm thinking a big long boat with it and we should get a figurehead on the front.
Yeah.
Like, get one of our woman fans.
Yeah, with all the busters.
Woman, massive busters one.
Yeah.
And I'll tell you, he's got, you know, Dot Heritage that came to the live show and gave us some presents.
Yeah.
And she's gorgeous
yeah lovely girl
yeah
but you want to see her mum mate
oh Lindsay
oh she's got big massive
knockers on there
yeah she can go on the front of it
yeah
so what we'll do
we'll pop Lindsay on the front
with her bosoms
not fully out
but like literally
the clothes she's wearing
is just covering up
the bumps
right okay
the sticky out bits
you know the little
sticky out bits nipples nipples yeah right cover up the b. Right, okay. The sticky out bits. You know, the little sticky out bits.
Nipples.
Nipples.
Yeah.
Right, cover up the buster ends.
Cover them up.
Buster ends, yeah.
And they'll all be sticking out because all the salt water will be getting on them.
Right, so she's at the front going,
Oh, look at that, look at that.
And then Dot, she's sat with me in the captain's table.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I'll be on the captain's table as well, won't I?
You've not got a rank yet in the army.
What do you mean I've not got a rank?
We've established this. You said on the forum, what's my rank? You haven't got one yet.
I do.
What?
Whoever the top one is with you.
You can't be the top one with me.
Why not?
Because I've been more active at this than you.
I'm doing the podcast, I'm in the podcast.
Yeah I know, but I'm in charge of the army.
No you're not, we're in charge of the army together.
No we're not, I am the top bloke in the army. Tell me about the people in it.
What rank am I then?
Oh, fat bastard.
Right, that'll do. Right, well Ed, you're the fat bastard in it, right?
No, you are king fat bastard.
No, I am the Field Marshal Haig.
You're Field Marshal Haig.
He was a very well-respected gentleman.
Oh, is that a real one?
Yeah.
Right.
He sent all of them over the top.
All right, well, I'll do that then.
Field Marshal Haig sent thousands of British people to their deaths.
He's a very well-respected gentleman, yeah.
Right, well, I'll be that then.
Right, who have we got?
Alex Mapp did Amazon reviews.
Actually, Alex Mapp, I've got to say,
you're the highest ranking promoter.
Sub-lieutenant.
You're a sub-lieutenant.
It's not quite a lieutenant.
You're a sub-lieutenant,
which means that you've got to let
all the other lieutenants wee on you in the bath.
You lie in the bath, right?
Yeah.
And they all wee in your mouth and stuff
and you have to go, thank you very much, sir. Thank you very in your mouth and stuff and you have to go
thank you very much sir
thank you very much sir
it means you have to lie
in a really long bread roll
in the bath
while they all wee on you
and when they make the bread soggy
and it gets through to your skin
you have to say thank you
yeah and that's the highest
drunk this week
so imagine what all your ones
are going to be
but they were very very funny
we're not going to read them out
on the podcast
because I'd rather
send people to them
they're linked on the Facebook page and also on peakupandgumble.com in the forum,
which I would advise people to go to because that's where this is all going on.
So there'll be regular sections every week of the podcast.
If you don't get involved, it'll bore you to tears, like it is now if you've not been involved.
You don't even want to listen to it anymore, do you not?
Yeah, bye.
Bye, bye then.
But all the other people involved, yeah,
we are a brilliant
army, aren't we?
Let's all go and
wee on him.
Nude, he also
done Amazon things.
Yeah, he did, but
afterwards though.
Yeah, afterwards.
So it was Alex
Mapp's idea.
That said, Nude
did do us a painting.
A painting of me,
you and Freddie.
An actual painting.
And a painting of
Beaker for you.
Alright, how about
this?
Alex Mapp is a
sub-lieutenant.
Yeah.
Nude is a sub-right tenant.
Sub-right tenant,
and they do the wings.
Yeah, so sub-lieutenant
and sub-right tenant
are in place now.
Yeah.
Underneath,
Ed Fat Bastard
and me,
Field Mash Leg.
Yeah, so you have to
polish our balls before battle.
Yeah, so you can see
that this army is now taking shape.
Yeah.
Ray Peacock.
Oh yeah, someone did that, yeah.
Did a fly poster with a QR code.
Yeah, very handy that. Yeah. And we are poster with a QR code. Yeah, very handy, that.
Yeah.
And we are going to actually genuinely put that on our Edinburgh poster.
Yeah, we might put the QR code on the Edinburgh poster.
Yeah, we're going to pop it in a corner somewhere.
And I've given him a rank of Spaceman.
Spaceman.
So, Olly Fool, he wants to go on Chatroulette and ruin Chatroulette.
Not ruin it, they want to just all talk about it or hold things up.
Yeah, or hold things up.
I think that's brilliant.
Excellent idea.
Write it on your knobs.
Write it on your knob. Write it on your
knob when it's
erect.
Let it go floppy.
Get on chat roulette
and then make it go
erect again and it
says Peacock and
Gamble podcast.
Yeah it'll just say
pig when you're soft.
Yeah.
And then rub it.
And then rub it get
it no Peacock and
Gamble it should say
rub it get it all
hard and then spunk
like an icing bag
podcast on the desk.
Yeah good idea.
Right so well done
Ollie Fool you are a gherker. Because your rank's just for this week. Yeah, good idea. Right, so well done. That's an idea. Well done, Olly Fool.
You are a gherka.
These are your ranks just for this week.
Yeah.
This is very important that you don't rest on your laurels.
Yeah, don't go buying a badge.
You'll be taken away from this rank
if you don't maintain your standards.
Yeah.
We're in the army now.
Come on, guys.
We're on the Viking ship with big knockers at the front.
Superfin posted on Facebook.
Just posted some stuff on Facebook.
Yeah, it's fine.
Well done, Superfin.
You're a cowboy.
Right, Jim Sterling had gone on Twitter, so he's the Queen of Arts now.
Right, he's the Queen of Arts. Is he nice?
Yeah, free shirts posted on loads of different forums.
Yeah, perfect.
Red Indian, thank you.
Okay.
Jack Rebel.
Oh, Jack, Jack, Jack. I mean, he does try and out, doesn't he, Jack?
Well, I mean, yeah, he does try and out.
Well, the thing is, right, Jack, and don't think that we don't appreciate your suggestions we do jack we genuinely appreciate them it's just that
like so if you come and look at it from our point of view we're going all right let's try and
utilize the people that support us to help us out right it's not helpful to say why don't you make
an advert that would cost 500 grand which ray and ed can star in and involves him taking a fan to Alton Towers
it's not like I mean
lovely suggestion
yeah
not very practical
yeah
for us we can't we
can't do that
he had a long list of
suggestions and one of
them in the middle was
just tell your grandad
yeah perfect
which is a brilliant
idea
just tell your grandad
because you all know
what grandads are like
yeah
they will tell other
people that
yeah
particularly actually
if you say that if you say that it is something to do with immigrants taking jobs.
Say that we are immigrants and we have taken a podcast of a British man.
Say that.
Or just tell your mum, if your mum's anything like mine,
tell your mum and say to her, and you can't tell anyone this.
Right, and this is a secret, right, this podcast.
And then go around like wildfire yeah so you jack
your suggestions are great but let's work on the quality rather than quantity so at the moment jack
your rank is crap fish yeah you're a crap fish i know that sounds bad but it's not that bad you're
ready to build up a predator told some people on his walk that's brilliant you know keeping it
natural yeah so i i gave him uh the rank of christopher walking christopher walking yeah because he's walking about is that is that a
rank christopher walking was um in the army in pop fiction he was yeah yeah david dodd did a
stencil for us pretty good yes no we don't talk about that why we don't we know nothing about
all right don't know nothing about that david david i'll tell you what mate if you if you want
to go and do that in places, then you do that.
We can't stop you doing that.
No, we can't.
No, we don't want you to do it.
No.
But we can't stop you doing it if you do do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, so there you go.
So let's maintain this.
Let's keep the army going.
Let's fight the fight.
Yeah.
Do the war.
Get Ray and Ed all famous so that they don't have to speak to you anymore.
So yes, sir.
Oh, yes, sir.
Now, as regular listeners will know,
once a year we catch up with Blue.
Ladies and gentlemen, would you all rise and get ready for, well, certainly our one love.
Yeah, the only two Blue songs I know.
As we quickly fly by the recent Blue news.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word with Elton John.
Yeah, near enough.
We do, we always catch up with blue.
Of course, the first time we caught up with them was last year when I was working on Jonathan Ross.
Yes, and you got a, did you, someone got a backie on someone's motorbike?
Yeah, one of blue got a backie on another of blue's motorbike.
And they all smoked a cigarette outside.
Yeah.
Now, as we know, very sad news, Jonathan Ross has left the BBC now.
Yeah.
So I am no longer able
to go and do working
on his television programme
Friday night with Jonathan Ross.
So, unfortunately...
Is that why you're not allowed
to go and work with him?
That's pretty much the reason, yeah.
Or is it because they went
with the man from Family Fortunes?
They did go with the man
from Family Fortunes.
I did quite a few Jonathan Rosses
and then they chose
the man from Family Fortunes. Mate, there is only one Jonathan Ross nowortunes. I did quite a few Jonathan Rosses and then they chose the man from Family Fortunes.
Mate, there is only
one Jonathan Ross now.
I heard a great thing
about Jonathan Ross
because the guy
who's now the floor manager
on Russell Howes Good News,
Ed,
he works on Jonathan Ross as well.
He was the floor manager
on Jonathan Ross as well.
And I always make fun of him
about Jonathan Ross finishing
because obviously
it was a cushy job for him.
And he said to me,
oh yeah,
great thing happened.
I saw Jonathan the other day.
I went, oh yeah.
I said,
nice to see you, Jonathan.
And he went,
oh, nice to see you too, Alan. went, oh nice to see you too Alan,
well that's only for years and years,
so we can't work out,
whether Jonathan was taking a piss or not,
whether it was a joke or not,
but I like to think not,
I like to think that he just genuinely,
just didn't know,
so anyway,
let's catch up with Blue,
so a little Blue update,
so obviously,
excuse me,
there's going to be a little rustle here,
because you can't, you're not working with Blue anymore.
No, I wish I was.
Like you were back in da day.
I can't believe I used to work with Blue.
Yeah.
Unfortunately now we have to get all our information about Blue from newspaper articles.
Yeah.
Like this fantastic interview this morning in G2 magazine.
Yeah.
Going to have a quick Duncan catch up now.
Duncan, which one is he now again?
Duncan is the, I think, boyish
good looks maybe.
Okay.
Used to go out
with Jerry
Alliwell apparently.
Did he?
Is he the best
one?
As bisexual.
Well, obviously
we knew that.
From the Jerry
Alliwell thing.
Yeah, obviously
he gets best of
both worlds with
Jerry.
Of course, Jerry
has got her
lovely bosoms
and nice meaty
cock.
I always imagine
Jerry Alliwell has got sort of standard knickers. Allegedly, allegedly. No, I always imagine Geriola's got
such standard knickers.
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
No, I always imagine that.
Yeah, do you?
I don't think
she has got it.
I always imagine that though.
Don't you think
it would have popped up
at the bottom of her
union jacket
at the Brit Awards?
Who knows?
You might have
touched it up
between her and Bob.
You never know,
do you not?
Well, this is just
a little Duncan catch up
because as we know,
certainly,
Blue are entering
the Eurovision.
They're doing Eurovision for good old Great great britain are they what they officially are yeah
oh okay yeah yeah what's the song called um i've got that information here somewhere
i think it's called real britannia yeah they should do mate did i ever sing in my eurovision
song i wrote a eurovision song did you yeah i worked out that what you've got to do it's got
to be uniting people yeah like not just in the country
you're representing
but across
you know all the countries
represented
yeah
it's got to be a little bit tragic
yeah
a little bit sad
but also
have an uplifting thing in it
right
like Christmas or something
yeah
and I came up with this
holding hands
across the Eurovision
holding hands
across the world
We're holding hands
Across the Eurovision
And maybe, just
maybe, a little brown
orphan baby
Will get a brand new mum and
dad in time for Christmas
Day
That's brilliant, mate.
That's alright, isn't it? My favourite
Eurovision song ever, just in case you want to
know. That wasn't an advert for Madonna, by the way.
I think
it was Latvia maybe one year
did a song called We Are the Winners
of Eurovision. Did they win?
No third. Even funnier.
Right, Duncan, let's see what you've been up to.
Well, the G2 journalist
who I think
I'm reading through this
I think they're a little bit cheeky
throughout this
yeah
taking a mickey a bit
said to Duncan
who's the most popular
and Duncan said
we all have different fans
I get a lot of the mums
and disabled children
that's like you
out of me and you innit
I get the mums
and disabled children
yeah
I get all the dolly birds
I get the dolly birds.
I get the dolly birds and the gay boys.
Carries on.
Oh.
A lot of my fans have got cerebral palsy.
But you know what?
Imagine being in a scenario where a lot of your fans have cerebral palsy.
Yeah.
You start going, well, is it me?
But you know what?
I love children like that.
What?
Cerebral palsy ones.
Yeah.
Right.
And I love people who've got disabilities
because I spent a lot of time in hospital
with my grandparents when they were ill
and my mum was a nurse.
So if he,
so if he,
if he had children,
I don't know if he's had children himself,
but if his lady wife,
Mrs. Duncan,
or a boyfriend,
or whatever he's got,
was having a baby,
came out and went,
oh,
Mr. James,
quite severely deformed
and only got one arm
and would definitely be in a wheelchair, was he going to go, brilliant, I love that. Yeah. a baby came out and went oh mr james quite severely deformed and yeah only got one arm and
and um would definitely be in a wheelchair was he gonna go brilliant i love that yeah
i couldn't be happier with that yeah that's perfect that's actually if anything i'm happier
with that it's just in my nature he's still going yeah this is my favorite sentence i'm like a
magnet to them a magnet to them yeah and i treat them like normal people so they latch on. Oh, that's nice that he treats them like normal ones. I do like that he treats them like normal
people and they latch on like they're limpet crabs. I once had a lunch party and there
was a queue of disabled kids. Right, hang on. He shouldn't be doing that. Duncan, I
don't like the idea. He shouldn't be sending them to space
you shouldn't be
putting them in a big
catapult
take advantage
get your big magnet out
yeah
attracted the wheelchair
yeah
then you put a big
elastic band behind
the wheelchair
and launched them
listen I never thought
I'd say this
but listen to me
Duncan from Blue
stop playing
Prince of Thieves
with kids with
cerebral palsy
stop catapulting
CP children
over a castle wall.
With Morgan Freeman.
Yeah.
Right, it's still going.
Oh, God.
I once had a launch party, and we don't agree with that,
and there was a queue of disabled kids all in wheelchairs come to see me.
Is that a queue?
Or is it a traffic jam?
No, no.
Is that a queue or is that a train?
And Sarah, the band's manager, walked in and goes,
What is it with you and disabled people?
No, Lebanon's the same.
No, Lebanon's on the set, very focused.
Some would say it comes off as rude, but I don't think he is being rude.
I think he's just focused on what he's doing.
Until there's a wheelchair.
Until there's a wheelchair and he's to it like a shot.
Literally like a shot.
And no one's got a camera.
It's not like anything can happen.
He's like straight over there.
How are you?
You're all right?
Unbelievable, isn't he?
Yeah, squatting down next to him.
Yeah.
It's like an obsession.
Do you want a little Lee update?
Yeah, I don't know who they are.
Now, Lee Ryan got in trouble during 9-11.
You would have thought people had other things to think about,
but Lee got in trouble for saying that people
should be thinking
about other things
because there was
more stuff going on.
And he says here,
he knows what really
did it for him.
The thing is,
I said the words
fuck New York.
I missed this.
I didn't say this
when this happened.
But I didn't mean it
in a malicious way.
It just came out
as a 17-year-old
articulating himself.
What he said was,
who gives a fuck
about New York
when elephants
are being killed?
So that's a little Lee update for you.
So are you apologising for it now?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, he's not, no.
He actually says...
Listen, it was a tragic thing that happened,
but there have been tragic things that happened since then
that didn't get half as much coverage.
Like what, though? What does he mean? What sort of things?
Well, really tragic things didn't get coverage.
Blues lost two singles.
About elephant falling over.
They're in Holland
and someone gave them a cookbook.
He said they gave me a cookbook in Hollish.
Hollish?
What's it called?
Dutch, sorry.
That's from Lee, is it?
Yeah, that's from Lee.
And obviously,
Anthony Costa update.
I saw him on a train
back from Sheffield recently.
Did you?
And also,
he got caught having a wee
against a cash machine.
Oh, yeah, he did.
I remember that.
What about the other one?
What's the other one called?
Simon Webb.
And what's Simon Webb been up to?
Very quiet.
Kept quiet in that.
Very quiet,
because as Duncan says,
about the different personalities
of the group,
Si's very chilled,
very laid back,
very hard working.
Yeah.
Anthony's the...
Ant is the joker. Is he? Yeah, apparently. Oh, that's not bad, very laid back, very hard working. Yeah. Ant is the joker.
Is he?
Yeah, apparently.
Oh, that's not bad, is it?
He's done quite well for himself, hasn't he?
Yes, yes.
He's probably one of the few people that's glad about Heath Ledger.
We lose Eurovision.
Really?
Yeah, and I've always wanted us to win.
No, you haven't.
I've always been a very keen follower of the Eurovision thing.
Eurovision contest.
And I think it's... Eurovision contest?
What was it called?
Eurovision song contest.
Eurovision song contest.
I've always been
a very big admirer of
I like that
yeah
I used to go out
with a girl
that liked it a lot
right
and when I watched it
I could see why
right
because she was
a fucking idiot
so I met her all
the other day
and I got into
one of my little
mischievous moods
I went in Crubshy
and Evelyn
is it called
the place that do
all the nice soaps
and that
yeah
because at Christmas
I had some pomegranate hand wash oh I like that I really like the nice soaps and that because at Christmas I had some pomegranate
hand wash
that I really like
the smell of
I bought that at Christmas
I bought two lots of it
run out now
I thought I'd go back
and get some
went in there
spoke to a lovely lady
and she was very very
helpful
she went
oh wait
that was a seasonal
thing that was
but we are going to
bring it out again
apparently later on
in the year
so like autumn or something
they're going to bring it
out as a line now
so she went they don't tell us when but it're going to bring it out as a line now so she went
they don't tell us when
but it is going to happen
but I can't leave
a proper date
and I went
okay thanks
well thanks for your help
and I went out
for about half an hour
went to some other shops
and I thought
I want to go back in
and ask her
the exact same question
I don't know why
right
she went back in there
hiya
I want to go out and meet
I'm looking forward to
and she went pomegranate. I went, yes. And she looked at me and she went, might get it
later in the year. She was smiling. I was going, do you have it? And you can see, bless
her, she was like, oh, sorry, love. Yeah. And then she went, oh, yes, no, we will be
having it. She obviously thought, oh oh he looks like that lad from before.
Yeah, or she thought you'd had a hit your head or something.
Wasn't my best practical joke.
I think it's good.
You don't do practical jokes though, do you really?
Not really.
There was that one on Raji that time, wasn't there?
Yeah, I'd done some brilliant prankers when I was at school, mate.
Did you?
Well, I know about some of those.
Like what?
I liked the porn out the window.
Yeah, porn out the window.
Yeah, porn out the window.
So, buried a French assistant after out the window. Yeah, porn out the window. Yeah. Porn out the window.
Buried a French assistant.
Oh.
After the ice skate.
Oh.
Oh, fuck.
With the tube.
Oh, no.
With the tube from the mouth.
Oh, that was exactly one year ago today.
I wasn't supposed to mention.
Hang on, I've got a text.
Je suis le French assistant.
No!
What the fuck are you on about?
I've been at, like, Sorority Road.
I quite enjoyed that film, you know.
Yeah, I did enjoy it. I was surprised that I did.
Anyway, we didn't kill the French assistant with an ice skate.
I like the butts at the beginning.
And I care not la.
Yeah, they go through at the beginning.
They're having a party at the Sorority House.
And the butts.
And they've all got their bums tight.
There's some of them wearing onesies, aren't there?
Yeah.
Back all open.
Yeah.
See the bums.
Sorry, mate.
Go on, you go.
That's all right.
Well, we had a window.
One of the windows we had. Over the front. Out Yeah. See the bombs. Sorry mate, go on. That's alright.
Well we had a window, one of the windows we had, over the front, out the front of the
school where there was a phone box.
Yeah.
And a post box.
Oh, okay.
And I better know what you did.
What?
Firing guns.
No.
Rifles at people.
No.
Wait until they come out of the phone box, take their head, clean off.
That's the sort of thing they did in St. Ellen's but not around our way.
No, what we did is we got the number for the phone
box, right, put it in our phone,
went up to the window, right,
waited for a mum and a little boy to walk
past the phone box. That's very specific.
Right, no, this is just what happened. These were the first people to walk past.
No, we didn't go, right, wait for a mum and a boy.
Wait for a mum and a boy. No, no,
that's a mum and a girl. Mum and a little
boy to walk past, right, and rang it, so it was
ringing, and we saw the little boy go
oh mum, the phone is ringing
and she went
oh go on then, answer it
see who it is.
Really?
Bit weird.
It is a bit weird.
It could have been
I'm gonna fuck you.
Yeah, exactly.
And it was.
Were you there?
No, you weren't.
I was the little boy.
Oh, hello.
It would be when I was little
I knew I had spoken to you before.
He reached up
got the thing and I I went, hello?
And he went, hello?
I went, I'm trapped in the postbox.
He went, what?
He went, what?
I went, the postbox.
Let's do the phone box.
Help me.
And he looked at his mum just completely amazed.
He went, mum, mum, look, the postbox.
And put the phone down, left it off the hook, and went round and got on his tippy toes and
went in there.
And then got you out of there.
But then his mum saw us
at the window laughing
so she went,
it's only a little joke.
But did he get you
out of the post box?
I wasn't in the post box.
You said you were in the,
you went,
I'm in the post box.
Yeah, but I wasn't.
I was telling him that.
We were standing at the window
watching it happen.
You're shy about it now.
What?
How did you get in there?
I wasn't in there.
Did they put you in a letter?
Or were you,
did you just climb in
because you thought
there might be a cake?
Yeah, the second one.
Well, hopefully, Ed Gamble, you've learnt your lesson now.
Yeah.
That greedy boys sometimes end up stuck.
Don't forget to keep the Peacock and Gumball
army going strong
by the way
yes please
we're very impressed
with all the people
that did come to
peacockandgumball.com
onto the forum
all the new members
you're very very welcome
and we'll keep that
going maintain it
really really appreciate it
everyone who doesn't
get involved in the army
or is a rubbish
member of the army
yep
get on the floor
brush it with a toothbrush
yeah and give us
I got cramp then
did you
yeah as we were speaking
oh sorry mate
you're alright
have some salty water that I hope helps oh yeah just get some of your brine out of your pocket toothbrush. Yeah, and give us 20. I've got cramp then. Did you? Yeah, as we're speaking. Oh, sorry, mate. You're right.
Have some salty water.
That I hope helps. Oh, yeah.
Just get some of your
brine out of your pocket.
That would have salty
water help.
More salt.
That helps.
Cramp.
You're thinking of
killing slugs.
I know it sounds
similar.
Right.
Kill a slug with the
salt.
Yeah, that's right.
And goodbye cramp.
No, cramp.
Just stretch it out again. Eat the salty slug. Yeah. No more cramp. What's your best bit about salt. Yeah, that's right. And goodbye crump. No, crump. Just stretch it out again.
Eat the salty slug.
Yeah.
No more crump.
What's your best bit about crump?
I don't know.
Have you had crump?
Yeah.
Then you must have a best bit about it.
No, what?
No best bit about it.
You can't have a best bit if you've had something.
What's your best bit of kissing a girl?
The beginning.
Yeah, there we go.
So you have got a thing about that.
Yeah.
That's something you've experienced.
That's because it's nice.
Well, we think you've experienced it.
That's because it's nice. I think a lot you've experienced it. That's because it's nice.
I think a lot of us suspect that you are a woolly woofter.
What's your best thing about Crump, then?
The beginning?
The beginning finishes.
There we go.
So you have got a best bit.
I quite like that when Crump finishes.
Anyway, here we go.
The Lion King.
Brilliant.
Right, now I've not watched The Lion King for about ten years, I'd say.
Yeah.
But I thought, let's have a crack at...
I'll start you off
I remember that
they used to play it
on Capital Radio a lot
when Chris Tarrant
would go
Arsene Wenger
brilliant
like that
brilliant
it's Maverick Tarrant
isn't it
yeah
Lion King
you ready
yeah so what is this
we're doing now
because I'll be honest
with you
I know that we were meant to do something about the Lion King.
Yeah.
I can't really remember how we arrived at this point.
Do you remember last week that I did Mutiny at the Bounty?
No, not that.
No, you didn't.
I did Poseidon Adventure.
And a week before that...
When did you get Mutiny at the Bounty from?
From the last time we talked about that on a podcast.
You said Mutiny in the Bounty.
Mutiny in the Bounty.
Was that on this podcast?
Yeah, with Raju.
No, it was the old podcast. Yeah, the old podcast. Yeah, a podcast, yeah. We asked Raju what was the name of the ship on Mutiny in the bounty was that on this podcast yeah with Raju no it was the old podcast
yeah the old
podcast
yeah the old
podcast
we asked Raju
what was the
name of the
ship on Mutiny
in the Bounty
he didn't know
he couldn't
work it out
it's the bounty
of course
yeah and a week
before that I did
Ari and the
Endersons
basically it's me
trying to remember
a film I haven't
seen for a while
and give a
synopsis
so you selected
Lion King for me
it's your idea
don't try and
undermine it
I was just too
tired though Lion King I mean I'm's your idea. Don't try and undermine it. No, no, no. I just think I was just too tired.
Right.
Lion King.
I mean, I'm all in favour
of just dropping this section now.
No, not going to happen.
So you don't even have to read it.
Not going to happen.
Because next week I'm doing
that multi-region DVD.
Well, you don't have to take it,
do you, to do that?
All right.
Well, I do because I can watch it
on my multi-region.
I don't have one.
You haven't got a multi-region player.
The African Jungle, 1994.
Yeah, that was roughly when it was,
wasn't it?
The Lion King, Richard III, surveys the animal kingdom in Africa.
He has done a son, Simba.
That's right, isn't it?
That is right.
Tell me when I've got something right.
No, that is right.
And he's getting ready to give him a go of running it.
Right, okay, yeah.
The monkey doctor holds up Simba to the sun
and puts a bit of poo on his head like a naughty monkey.
Simba giggles a bit of poo on his head like a naughty monkey. Timber giggles a bit.
Later on, he makes friends with Timber, Tay and Pumper,
who are a pig and a very thin cat.
They sing a song called...
Hang on, have you genuinely jumped in The Lion King
to where he meets Timber and Pumper?
Timber, Tay and Pumper?
Yeah.
That was all I could remember.
I'll tell you now, you definitely missed
a bit in it where
his dad dies.
Definitely.
No, that's coming up
you ruiner.
He hasn't met
Timothee and Pumbaa
at that point.
He only runs around
with all the flowers.
Now listen.
No, the dad hadn't
died when he met
Timothee the thin cat
You are giving spoilers
for everyone trying
to listen to this film.
Spoiler alert, go on.
They sing a song
called Hakuna Masala,
which is about having a nice time in the jungle.
But sadly, the Lion King, Richard III,
gets killed by his brother Scarface.
Right.
I think the Lion King...
He's not met Timon and Pumbaa at that point.
Shut up!
He meets them when he grows up,
doesn't he, during meeting them?
I think the Lion King may not be Richard,
I think that might have been Robin Hood.
I think his name is Moussaka,
but that sounds wrong because that is a Greek dinner
and Greeks don't eat
lion for their dinner.
Not when I've been to
Greece anyway.
Anyway Scarface kills
him in a fight near a
rock.
And that makes
Simba the new Lion King.
But Scarface wants to
be it so he sends his
minions similar to the
Wizard of Oz monkeys
after Simba.
They were fucking
hyenas.
But they were like
ah ah. Yeah but the Wizard of Oz monkeys weren't hy. They were fucking hyenas. But they were like ah ah.
Yeah but the Wizard
of Oz monkeys
weren't hyenas
and that was
Lenny Henry.
Katanga.
Sends his minions
Wizard of Oz monkeys
possible.
No they're not though.
After Simba
Timothee and Pumbaa
there is another
song around now.
I did miss the
Rowan Atkinson bit.
What Rowan Atkinson bit? I just laughed the bird out completely. What bird Rowan Atkinson bit. What Rowan Atkinson
bit?
I just laughed the
bird out completely.
What bird, Rowan
Atkinson?
That's Black Addy
and Monk.
Just can't wait to
be king.
Don't say Monk.
Oh, just can't wait
to be king.
Yeah.
I just can't wait
to be king.
Yeah, but you've
missed that out.
He's king already
though.
Yeah, well you've
missed that out.
Finally it comes down
to a fight between
Simba and Scarface
near a fire and
Simba wins.
Yeah.
Meaning he has
murdered his uncle but no one minds.
Like Hamlet.
Yeah.
There is another song here.
A lot of the music is Elton John's.
I think it is Rocketman, but with man changed to lion.
Circle of Life is on it, I think, but closer to the start.
And that is the Lion King.
That's brilliant, mate.
Circle of Life is on it, but closer to the start.
You're right.
You know when Elton John did Can You Feel The Love Tonight, when he released it as a
single? Yeah. Can you feel
the love tonight?
And then his bit went, tonight.
Or background singers. Guess who they were?
Who were? Them backing singers. Who were they?
Do you want to have a guess at some of them? I'll give you three guesses.
There are three. I'll give you three guesses. Go on.
You? No. That was my only guess.
Alright, you've got no other guesses at all. It's just
an interesting bit of trivia. Gary Barlow. Correct. Really? Yeah. Robbie? No. Jason Orange? No. That was my only guess. Oh, right. You've got no other guesses at all. It's just an interesting bit of trivia. Gary Barlow.
Correct.
Really?
Yeah.
Robbie?
No.
Jason Orange?
No.
That's all your guesses.
You've got to run through and take that.
Right.
It was Gary Barlow, Kiki Dee and Rick Astley.
Oh, wow.
It's an interesting bit of trivia, isn't it?
Well, there you go.
Yeah, there you go.
So how about that, trivia buffs?
How did I get Gary Barlow?
I don't know.
What's the mental on that?
You know, they knocked about with each other, didn't they, for a bit?
Did they?
Elton John and Gary Barlow saying nothing. Saying nothing but the word on that? You know, they knocked about each other didn't they for a bit? Did they? Elton John and Gary Barlow
saying nothing.
Saying nothing
but the word.
It seems to be
pals for a bit
didn't it?
What film am I
doing next week?
You're not.
What do you mean?
I enjoyed that.
I was really
revving up for this
to be a brilliant
regular section.
No, that's why
I think we should
stop it now.
Right.
Because what happens
is they all
was around
seeing these things
and people are
just like literally
stop it dead
right now.
Unless there's
one you want to do.
Did you have
something in mind? You've never seen Star Wars have you want to do. Did you ask something in mind?
You've never seen Star Wars,
have you not?
No.
Have you seen it?
Many years ago.
I can't remember it.
So Star Wars is probably perfect.
The whole trilogy?
No, just do one of them.
All six films?
No, thank you.
Right.
Let's just do,
at the most,
the first three,
but even that I think
is going to be too long.
Alright.
Just do the first Star Wars film
when you hope,
it's called.
Yeah.
Do that one.
Yeah.
Can you remember anything about it?
I can remember some character names. I knew how it was called. Yeah, yeah. Do that one. Can you remember anything about it? I can remember some character names.
I can remember a big ship.
Yeah.
I can remember characters and big ship.
All right, perfect.
Right.
So do as much as you can with that.
And this.
Yeah, that's a lightsaber, isn't it?
Yeah.
That wasn't too bad at all.
Thank you.
I actually do an incredible lightsaber noise.
Do you?
Yeah.
You know, the other week I did my impressions. My name is Michael Caine. Yeah. My name is Michael Caine. Yeah, you're going to do, I am incredible lightsaber noise. Do you? Yeah. You know, the other week I did my impressions.
My name is Michael Caine.
Yeah.
My name is Michael Caine.
Yeah, you're going to do, I am a lightsaber.
I am a lightsaber.
Do you want to do I am a lightsaber?
Yeah, I am a lightsaber.
Get ready?
Yeah.
Mate, that's brilliant.
To think you're just doing that with your mouth.
Cheers, mate.
See you next week.
The Cooking Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble.
All music by the Tiger Lilies, except for the last one, which is performed by Frank Seidlerson.
The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk.
See you next week.
Ow.
Stop hitting me with your mouth.
Ah.
Ah, that...
Does it, doesn't it?
Yeah.