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This is the Peacock and Gamble podcast. I am Ray Peacock. Ed Gamble isn't here. I'm just here to let you know that this episode was recorded at the Edinburgh Fringe on the 21st of August 2011.
It was the third show in our Edinburgh Fringe run of podcasts. This is the highlight of that coming up now.
Also to remind you that Peacock and Gamble and Friends is at King's Place this Thursday. That's October the 13th and you can get tickets for that on 0207 520 1490 or at kingsplace.co.uk.
I say you can get tickets for that.
You can definitely get tickets for that
because most of them are left.
Thanks a lot, everybody.
Also, our tour is still progressing very, very nicely
and here are the tour dates that are upcoming at the moment.
11th of October, that's tonight,
if you're listening to this on the day,
we are at the Harrogate Theatre Studio in Harrogate.
The 15th of October, we are at New Greenham Art Centre in Newbury.
The 16th of October, we are at the Cramphorne Theatre in Chelmsford.
The 22nd of October, we are at Stafford Gatehouse The Met.
The 27th of October, we are at Barry Memorial Hall, Barry in Wales.
The 28th of October, we are at the Hi-Fi in Leeds.
The 3rd of November, we are at the Hi-Fi in Leeds. The 3rd of November we're at the Frog and
Fiddle in Cheltenham. The 4th of November we're at the Mini Royal in Hull as part of the Hull
Comedy Festival. The 7th of November we're at the Laugh-In in Chester. The 17th of November we're
at the Slade Rooms in Wolverhampton. The 19th of November we're at the Lemon Tree in Aberdeen. The
29th of November we're recording our double act on Russell Howard's Good News but we can't tell
you that yet. The 8th of December is the Peacock peacock and gamble overkill that's our last show at king's place for this year and that is
the peacock and gamble emergency broadcast tour show plus a recording of the final podcast the
10th of december we're at wrexham the wrexham theatre stewart i'll just say that sti wt is that
the 15th of december we're at hearts university and that's all the shows for this year there are
more tour dates next year if you keep an eye on peacockandgamble.com then you can see all the dates we have coming up but now never mind
all this looking forward let's look backward for a little bit with the peacock and gamble podcast live
welcome to the peacock and gamble podcast Edinburgh Fridge!
Edinburgh Fridge, hello!
Edinburgh Fridge, welcome to Edinburgh Fridge for a very, very famous Peacock and Gamble podcast.
Yeah, the third one of them from Edinburgh Fridge, hello! Edinburgh Fridge, welcome to Edinburgh Fridge for a very, very famous Peacock and Gamble podcast. Yeah, the third one of them from the Edinburgh Fridge.
Coming live with our special guest, Hugh Grant, who unfortunately isn't allowed to talk.
But he is definitely here on the stage, isn't he everybody?
Yeah!
There he is now. Oh look, he's looking embarrassed but posh.
Welcome to the show, third one.
You put on the notes that you said at the beginning,
this is your contribution.
I wrote all these notes, and Ed's contribution
at the top is General Roundup.
Yeah.
It's my new character.
General Roundup, he's in the army, right?
Quite a high up in the army.
And any number that he hears, he has to round it up.
And that's your new character?
Yeah, so we'll do that at the top.
Do a bit of your new character.
You'll be like a private in the army and you'll have to give me...
Just say a number in passing.
Seven.
Attention!
Ten!
That's a good...
Five.
Five.
Attention!
Ten!
Always to the nearest ten.
Ten.
Attention! All present and correct, sir.
That's good, isn't it?
Mate, that is a brilliant new character. No.
We should definitely have put that in our show.
We were going to have characters, weren't we, in Emergency Broadcast?
We do another show later tonight called Emergency Broadcast,
and now you've probably all seen it because you are such big fans of it. Roeddwn ni'n mynd i gael cerwyr yn ein sioen. Roedden ni'n mynd i gael cerwyr, nid yn ymwneud รข chyflwyno'n gyflym. Rydyn ni'n gwneud sioen arall y nos yn enwedig, sy'n cael ei gyflwyno'n gyflym.
Ac nawr, efallai y byddwch chi i gyd wedi gweld hynny oherwydd y byddwch chi'n ffans mawr iawn ohono.
Ond ie, roedden ni'n mynd i gael cerwyr yn hynny. Ac wedyn, dywedodd gynhyrch TV Weasley ei fod yn syniad ddangos.
Ie.
Roedd hi'n dweud, nid yw hynny.
Ie, nid yw hynny.
Ie, nid yw hynny.
Ie, nid yw hynny.
Nid yw hynny.
Nid yw hynny.
Nid yw hynny.
Nid yw hynny.
Nid yw hynny.
Nid yw hynny. Nid yw hynny. Nid yw hynny. Nid yw hyn no. Don't put a character in there.
Don't put a character in there.
Don't do a character in there.
Don't make me spit out my short blade.
I am a TV producer.
Even though I'm only four.
I've made you these notes.
I've got them in me sporen.
Scarlet.
I mean, dreadfully embarrassing. But I've just spotted in Miss Boron. Scotland. I mean, dreadfully embarrassing,
but I've just spotted it in the audience.
That's dreadfully embarrassing, isn't it?
I genuinely apologise about that, Jason.
We didn't realise you were here.
And now we have them in there saying it's like in the office,
and you are just sad.
That is terrible.
You've gone as red as a cherry.
We've got sections haven't we we've got a few things genuinely jason i've got down here make jason come on the stage and sit on the floor but i don't i'm not going to do that and we thought
about it we're walking there going oh it'd be really funny wouldn't it to put jason on stage
and then we started going no because it could he is like an important producer it could like ruin
his career if we make him say things. And we thought, if we record
that and then put it out and it couldn't happen to his career.
And then we were saying, but how could that even happen?
How could somebody being on a podcast with me and you
and us like taking the piss out of them, how could that
ruin someone's career?
How could that make them completely unemployable?
I've no idea how that
could even happen, but I mean, but Ed shouted
me down on it, unfortunately, Raji.
Jason, sorry.
I do apologise about that.
But you were also,
you mentioned earlier on
in your little introduction
how you said about
me going on Richard Herring's podcast.
Yeah.
And just so I'm not very happy.
Oh, look at that.
Shall I try to put the theme
from our tune underneath this? Richard Herring, right? After this'm not very happy. Oh, look at that. Shall I put the thing from our tune underneath this?
Fritz and Eric, right, off this morning, right,
he said to you,
oh, why don't you come on my podcast?
Because my one's left me.
So why don't you come on my...
I'm looking for a new one.
It's like when Ian Jury died,
the Blockheads just asked everyone to i ddod. Phil Jupiter!
Ie, Phil Jupiter, ddod ar fy un. Ac yna fe wnaethoch chi ddweud, o, efallai...
Cwm ar Eileen yw'r cwm.
Cwm ar Eileen. Ac fe wnaethoch chi ddweud, efallai y gall Edd yn dod arni hefyd. Roedden ni'n dweud hynny, dyna'r hyn rydych chi'n ei wneud.
Gallaf i ddarllen y text.
Ac fe wnaethon nhw, nid! Ond dyna'r diwedd y stori, rwy'n wir yn ymwneud รข hynny.
Os ydyn ni'n darllen y text cywir, mae'n fwy amhylch.
Ac mae hynny'n wir, mae hynny'n wir. Ie just really upset about it. If we're reading the exact text, it's even more humiliating.
No, it's true. That is true.
Yeah, I just said... Oh, no, sorry, we've been texting each other a lot since then. There should be a new section in this podcast.
Do you read out texts from more famous comedians?
Right, he said, he called me a gay lord in that one,
so that's not very politically correct, is it?
To say that. I'm not aggressive anymore,
but Richard Owen did call me a gay lord in one of these.
It was the first one that sold out, and he said,
Hey, do you want to come and be the guest on my podcast one day at the stand at 220?
Just chatting rubbish.
Got a space tomorrow. Any good?
And I went, yeah, can do tomorrow.
What time you need me then? Just me or me and Ned?
2pm, just you.
But to be fair, I gotf wedi mynd yno. Mae'r ffens yn bach iawn.
Ydy, ydy.
Felly byddai'n fwy anodd i'w ddweud.
Ydy, rydyn ni wedi sgwrsio amdano, ond fe wnaethoch chi ddim, dwi'n golygu, dwi'n debyg.
Ie, rydych chi'n gosod i gyd.
Ie, mae Meirin yn dweud, o'r ffordd hon.
Ie, ond mae'n dal i ddod i mewn.
Ie, mae'n gallu dod i mewn i wylio chi gael rhywbeth.
Mae'n dod i mewn i wylio chi.
Ac mae'n gwneud hynny. Ac mae'n gwneud hynny. Ac mae'n gwneud hynny. Ac mae'n dal i'r ffwrdd? Ie, rwy'n dod i'r ffwrdd i wylio chi gael rhywbeth. Eich bod chi'n dal i'r ffwrdd ac wedi bod yn y corno fel hyn.
Gael y cyllid o'i llaw i'w ddod.
Felly rydych chi eisiau...
Felly, edrychwch arna i.
Rydych chi wedi gwneud llawer o bethau eraill heb fi yma.
Beth ydw i wedi gwneud?
Rydych chi wedi gwneud sioe Fred McCauley heb fi.
Ie, ac fe fyddai'n debygol y byddai eisiau bod ar hynny.
Wel, mae'n braf cael ei ofyn.
Efallai y byddwch chi eisiau mynd i Glasgow a sefydlu yn y ffwrdd o BBC Radio Well, nice to be asked. Wait till you hear it. Wait till you hear it. Did you want to get up at 10am to go to Glasgow
to sit in the foyer of BBC Radio Scotland
to be stared at by 50 old women?
It was horrific.
If it would have been with you, then yes.
Thank you.
And you also...
Wait till you hear this.
So Chortle hosts...
They host this podcast.
We give it to them and they put it on their website.
The Chortle Fast Fringe,
which is meant to
promote the show
that you're in
you've done that
on your own twice
because you didn't want to do it
that's not true
I wasn't asked to do it
I wasn't asked to do it
I said I want to do it
with you right
and they said
they just didn't say
anything back
so then I just
went and did it
so no
but I did our bit
of our show
I know without me
on the first one I did a bit of it I went hello I'm doing a double act and here's a bit of it and then I went Felly, nid wyf wedi gwneud ein fath o'n sioe. A, na, heb fi. Ar y cyntaf, fe wnes i'n fath o'r sioe.
Fe wnes i ddweud, heno, rydw i'n gwneud y ddwy fath ac mae yna'r fath o'r sioe.
Ac yna fe wnes i ddweud, nid.
Stop it!
Nid yw hynny'n gwerthfawr.
Ac wedyn roedd yn rhaid i mi ddweud iddo fod yn dyn sylweddol,
sy'n achos nad oedd yn llawer o sbwys.
Ydych chi'n credu eich bod yn dyn sylweddol yn ein sioe?
Os yw gennych dyn sylweddol yn y sioe,
yna rwy'n dyn sylweddol neu un o'r dau ohono. Yn sicr, then I am the straighter one out of the two of us.
Definitely, yeah. Do you think? Yeah. I think I'm relatively intelligent in our show.
I think I come across, shut your mouth. I think I come across as like, you look at me and you go,
all right, he is a good lot of fun, that bloke. And I am enjoying watching him, but I can tell
that he has definitely got at least 11 GCSEs. And he's probably actually...
A review this week called me handicapped.
Yeah, that's right.
Actually said handicapped.
That is true, yeah.
In the review.
Yeah.
Little fucking tool.
I mean, if you think you come across intelligent in our show, you're even more backward than you actually are.
No, but that review said he is handicapped in the traditional double act sense.
I thought what double act has a little handicap bloke in it?
Oh, crankies.
Oh did we say about the dream that I had? I had a dream. I've been comparing Late In Live on a Wednesday, which hasn't really been much fun.
You were on the first one, weren't you?
I did the first one,
and then I came to watch some of the second one.
Yeah, and I worked hard in that second one and all.
Yeah, it is hard work.
To not get much.
You were funny, mate.
Oh, cheers, mate. Thank you.
Of course I am.
Cheers.
The thing about Late In Live is it's kind of known
as being a very rowdy gig,
but it's not anymore, is it?
No.
It's just quite a...
It's flat.
It's like a chill-out room.
Yeah.
Where people just go and sit there and watch it and just won't won't give an inch at all yeah but i had a dream i had a dream very early on and during the fringe before i'd done
the first late in life i had a dream about it and uh often you know as a comic you'll have a dream
where you do very kind of put downs and stuff and that sort of business and then you wake up and
you write it down and it's just fucking nonsense but you think it's been really funny and but one
of the ones i had from late in life i then used at the real late in life and did really well with a'i ddysgu ac mae'n nonsens. Ond rydych chi'n meddwl bod wedi bod yn ddiddorol iawn. Ond un o'r rhai rwyf wedi'i gael o'r gwaith ar gael ar gael ar gael
ac fe wnes i'w ddefnyddio ar gael ar gael ar gael ac fe wnes i'w ddysgu'n dda iawn.
Roedd hynny'n gweithio.
Roeddwn i'n meddwl bod y bobl yn sgwrsio'n dda iawn yn gynnar.
O'r blaen, byddai'n dechrau, ac roedd yn sgwrsio'n dda iawn.
Ac roedd gen i'r fydd hwn lle roeddwn i wedi dweud
Mae'n dda iawn, mae'n dda iawn, rydych chi'n mynd yn llawer yn gynnar.
Rydych chi'n mynd yn llawer yn gynnar, rydych chi'n dechrau'n llawer yn gynnar.
Mae'n dechrau fel gwneud y stagdwyr
gyda'r holl ddwy wedi'u llwyddo.
Mae'n dechrau fel, Cynrch ar y stagdwyr, mae'r hoffi wedi'i ddod.
Mae'n dweud, gydag un munud, gydag ychydig o danysiau, efallai y byddwn yn ei ddynnu ar รดl. Ac wedyn, fe wnes i'i ddynnu ac fe wnes i'i wneud ar รดl.
Wel, fe wnes i un o fy mhwysleidfaoedd a ddod o hyd i mewn ymddygiad.
Ie, mae hyn hefyd. Fe siaradais รข chi am hyn.
Ie, sio'ch chi, foch groen, foch groen mawr.
Ie, mae hynny wedi gweithio.
Nid oedd yn gweithio yn eithaf iawn.
Nid oedd yn gweithio. Yeah, that didn't work as well. Didn't work quite as well. No, it didn't.
So, this, I've written a letter to get, well normally we write, what have you got there?
Miles Dior.
Miles Dior.
Is that like Kingsize?
Yeah, you can't do Kingsize anymore.
Why?
They banned them, didn't they?
They banned Kingsize.
That's true, isn't it?
Yeah. Because it sounds royal.
Like it's worse for...
You know like they banned Marlborough Lights
is the thing because it sounded like they were
better for you than normal cigarettes.
Is that because people would get one and go
oh I'm like the king.
What are Marlborough Lights called now? Gold I think.
I think they've just got the gold bit on them.
Is that right?
It's because they have to do it, they have to sell it. I think this is right. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda.
Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. Mae'n dda. gennym ni ddwy o'r rhain. Queen Victoria.
Queen Victoria, mae hi'n eithaf ffync.
Felly, rwyf yn gofyn i ni ddod รข phobl hyfryd o gyhoeddus i'r ffrindiau.
Felly, rydyn ni'n ddiweddarol yn ysgrifennu llythyr o ddiffyg. Ydy'n ysgrifennu llythyr?
Rydyn ni'n ysgrifennu llythyr. Nid yw'n llythyr o ddiffyg, ond i ddod รข phobl hyfryd.
Felly, rydyn ni'n ysgrifennu'r llwestiwn fel ddyn o'r teulu gyda bwytau anafan anafan.
Anafan?
Yn ychwanegol.
Ychwanegol.
Ychwanegol yw'r un cywir.
Ychwanegol.
Ychwanegol.
Ychwanegol.
Ond mae hynny'n ddelyr.
Mae'n ddelyr.
Mae'n ddelyr pan fyddwch chi'n sylweddoli rhywbeth. Mae'n ddelyr oher't it? It's deliberate because he's into betting and stuff.
Because he's done the bookies a lot.
Oh right, okay.
So this is, here's my letter to get us some pub lunch.
Here's my letter to get us some pub lunch.
So, here we go.
You've got to give me that line clean.
All right.
So, here's a letter to get us some pub lunch.
No fucking... I literally stay up all night watching it.
All through the night.
And even though we're laughing now,
I know that, like, four o'clock in the morning,
later on, we'll be going,
he's a fucking one-nighter.
I'm so tired.
Shall I do it again?
Yeah, go on, say it. So, here's a letter to get us. I'm so tired. Shall I do it again?
So, here's a letter to get us some publicity.
Dear... What?
I didn't say a word.
What?
I didn't say nothing.
Dear the papers.
Stop the presses.
Does that still work or not?
I hope so, because I've got some very important things that I want to write at you about.
My name is Mrs...
Fraser.
What's that?
That's what it was.
Was that what I said last week?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, OK.
And I am a real woman with a funny and everything.
And I am in a family as well, brackets the mother one on it.
Also in the family is a son called Fraser
who I sneezed out of my crevice about seven years ago.
Fraser is... well... I want to be delicate about this. He... well, let's just say that if he ever had to fill in a
Are you a Mon quiz in a magazine, he would answer mainly A's, which means yes, you are a monk.
Are we persevering with monks?
It's the penultimate one, isn't it?
Yeah, I guess so, yeah.
I'm writing to tell you about a couple of very brave boys called Peacock and Gamble that you should definitely put on your front page.
Here's what happened.
Myself, Fraser, and Fraser's dad, who made all the prop rocks for the film Labyrinth,
were walking down the Royal Mile at Edinburgh Fringe, watching all the students pricking
about. Suddenly there was a giant round of applause. A group of people
had gathered round Fraser and were clapping and cheering and throwing money at his feet.
It turns out that we had accidentally stopped next to a theatre group who were flyering
a show about a disgusting sea monster, and that people had started to assume that Fraser
was one of the actors in costume. We were horrified by this And as I was picking up the money
I shouted
I shouted at the people
But they couldn't hear me because they were clapping or something
Suddenly
There was a shout in the distance
One of the street performers had seen what was happening
And was angry that our little soldier
I mean soldier who has been in a gas attack,
was taking away his audience and their change. In an attempt to win the audience back,
he threw one of his juggling knives high in the air.
However, just at that moment a boy threw a frisbee, knocking the knife into a gust of Edinburgh wind
and sending it shooting in our direction. After killing two people doing improvised comedy, the blade whistled
towards Fraser, shearing off the top of his head. We would have thought that this
was bad enough, but it was not over yet. A man who was watching was so shocked by
this that he proceeded to choke on his steak sandwich he was eating. My husband,
a paramedic, ran over to give him the dry bumming,
which also helps with choking.
The dry bumming edge.
A piece of steak was whipped out of his throat
and landed perfectly in Fraser's brain.
Oh, great, I thought,
like that boy doesn't think about food enough.
Oh great, I thought, like that boy doesn't think about food enough.
Just then, a man who had been doing a live falcon show up the road suddenly got amnesia and forgot how to do knots properly.
This is fucking ludicrous.
His falcon escaped and flew straight to Fraser.
It plucked at the bit of meat,
but ended up flying away with Fraser's entire brain in its claws.
Meanwhile, on the other side of town,
an evil doctor prepared a boiling pot.
I mean, fucking seriously, though.
Enter Peacock and Gamble.
They saw what had happened and immediately dropped their baked potatoes.
Peacock got on Gamble's shoulders and they ran after the bird to reclaim my son's already damaged and pointless and ultimately dead
brain. There was a trampoline in the middle of the street, left there by a kilt or something.
Gamble jumped on it. I know who's left that trampoline there. Gamble jumped on it. Gamble
jumped on it to get some height and Peacock done a flip off his shoulders. He grabbed a bird and landed back on Gamble's shoulders.
They wrestled the brain free and put it back in Fraser's head using basic first aid knowledge and a pritt stick.
What I'm saying is, can you just say that they are good, 1050 Pleasant Stoke?
Yours sponksierly, Mrs Fraser.
Lovely, thank you for that. I mean that was absolutely fucking tough.
Thank you for that, I mean that was absolutely fucking tough.
So we have to go back to the straps and do the next. Although, although, before we do that, let's make sure that we get this in the cam.
Because now it is time for a brilliant section, what I am going to be in charge of, which is
Ray says the food, and
then you will all hear that food when I say it out of the mouth, and not the food, the
word, and then, right, and then you will hear that, and you'll go, oh, haven't I had that
food for ages, I'll drink, and here it is, come on now, this week's food is... Petrol!
Petrol!
I've said petrol!
It is a lovely food!
I've petrol for your dinner.
Oh!
Run home from school because it's Wednesday, which is petrol night.
And your grandma has made you petrol on potato cakes.
Have your petrol. Go and get hold of a car and tip it up and eat all the petrol out of the car. It is good for
bones and it is what makes your hair curly. Petrol. Have it on toast. Petrol. Have it
in a drink if you're on a diet. Have two petrol milkshakes a day and a normal meal at night.
Petrol.
Get a petrol duo.
They never used to let you have it, did they not?
Remember when you used to be able to get petrol king size?
But then they banned it, didn't they?
Because of a mistake and upsetting the queen.
Petrol duo, share it with your friend.
Petrol, eat it on the golf course.
Petrol, throw it in the ocean.
And then everyone goes, oh no! There has been a spillage!
What will we do with the vitamin?
But it doesn't matter
because later on you're just going to eat it all!
Because it is your meal of the day!
Petrol!
It's baffling the people that haven't seen the podcast before!
Petrol!
They've not got a clue what's going on. Petrol, and then
he's got to sit through half a Smith show as well. Petrol, it'll be your worst day of
the fringe. Petrol, put it in your ear. Petrol, eat it up nice! Petrol! It's better going in than coming out!
Petrol! Piss!
They're my two catchphrases. They're brilliant catchphrases.
Cheers mate. Lovely.
They're brilliant, the gas phrases. Cheers, mate.
They're excellent bass.
Thank you.
Lovely.
Do you want to pick up the fringe and then dance?
Oh, yeah, pick up the fringe.
Sorry, I forgot that, man.
Right, I've written,
pick up the fringe.
Carry on, it's good.
Can you explain what pick up the fringe is?
As soon as you stop posing as the Queen, I will explain it.
Right, I'm going to be the Queen for a bit.
Now, the next section is Ed Gamble doing his pick-up-the-fringe.
Ed, can you explain what the pick-up-the-fringe is, please?
All right, can you go away, the Queen?
Oh, that's treason.
40-minute lull. Go, go.
It's not 40-minute lull.
You're pissing about with the mask of the Queen.
Right, this is Pick of the Fringe.
I can't be bothered to read the Fringe programme,
so I've made something up that I think might be out of the Fringe.
And you can all go and see it, but you can't because it's not real.
Here we go, pick up the Fringe. Tommy Johnson, baby-faced baby. Up-and-coming stand-up superstar
little Tommy Johnson makes his long-awaited Fringe debut aged one and a half. From baby
food to mum's tit, his unique outlook and life experiences have been ripping up stages
around the country.
Now it's time for Tommy to spit out the dummy and tell some truths.
Come and catch him before he goes rotten.
As seen on Channel 4.
I've got it up here.
The press quite catch me for him.
Amazing.
The only act who can make you shit yourself laughing and legitimately shit himself.
Amazing! The only act that can make you shit yourself laughing and legitimately shit himself at the same time.
He had the audience shaking like his raffle, the Independent. It was nonsense, just burbling and dribbling, but the girls loved it, the Telegraph.
Nice, very nice. Again, I would genuinely go and see that if there was a baby on the fringe.
That's Tommy Johnson, Babyface Baby.
That's Tommy Johnson, Babyface Baby.
Right, so your Amazing Deaths this week. Now, they're themed Amazing Deaths this week.
Well, what actually this section is?
Amazing Deaths. So, things, deaths that you can look at and go, that is amazing.
So, they're all inventors who have been killed by their own inventions this week. What a load of wallys, right? Felly, maen nhw'n holl ddynion sydd wedi cael eu llwyddiant eu hunain ystod y wythnos hon.
Beth ambell o Gwallys, iawn?
Felly, rwy'n mynd i wneud hynny yn y styl o fideos cwm Cirsti'n ymwneud รข'r ysgol.
Felly, maen nhw'n mynd i ddweud, gwelwch ar y Gwally hwn, oherwydd maen nhw'n Gwallys sydd wedi cael eu llwyddiant eu hunain.
Iawn, dyma ni.
Gwally yw'r gair o'r dydd, ydy'n i?
Rwy'n dweud ymlaen llawer mwy o hyd.
Idiot numero uno yw un who?
Cyfrifol Cymreig 16.
Beth? Nid wyf wedi gweld hynny. Idiot numero uno is one who. 16th century Chinese official.
What? No, just before you even go any further.
Right, if you heard last week's podcast,
why are all these from China?
I don't know!
Literally, all your ones last week were from China.
And you started again.
Oh, one who from China.
The other two are.
Have you got on your Google... Because he was a Chinese official,
which means he is definitely Chinese.
Can we look at the set? Offic definitely Chinese. Can we look at the...
Officially Chinese.
Can we look at the settings on your Google?
Because I think you're searching just China.
But you can't find anything about China on Google, mate.
It's famous.
Oh, it's banned, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was banned, wasn't it?
Yeah, plus, I didn't think that was true,
that they could censor the internet, right?
But then I went on some Chinese websites
and it is all just symbols.
I just coded it all.
I can't think how to do that joke, by the way.
I might go home.
Okay.
Well, one new 16th century official Chinese...
Which, by the way, sorry, I'm sorry.
But you did that the other night in our show.
What?
Because we had some idiots in our show in the audience.
Oh, yeah.
They were being absolute twats, right?
And it was a bit weird because I was supposed to go to the toilet,
but the other night you went, mate, I'm just going to shoot off.
Right?
And I was like, what can I say?
And then I'm stuck in it and you went, I'm going to go.
And then you went.
Yeah.
Yeah, thanks. I didn't leave. In reality, I'm going to go. And then you went. Yeah. Yeah, back to that.
I didn't leave.
In reality, I just went around the corner and went like this.
Like that.
One who invented an early version of a space shuttle,
which was a chair with rockets tied to it.
He tried to launch himself into space on his chair and was never seen again.
Was never seen again?
No, on a chair. Literally never seen again. Uh-oh again? No, on a chair, literally never seen again.
Uh-oh. Maybe he's in space.
No, he's not in space.
Uh-oh, one. I think you've taken Elton
John's Rocket Man a bit too seriously.
So just, I'm doing it like
an eclipse show.
We'll get it.
Number two.
How many are there? Three.
Who's this who's just dropped in to say hello?
Why, it's Franz Reichelt, Austrian Pratt.
He was a tailor who claimed to have invented a coat-slash-parachute hybrid that could make you fly.
When he tested it, he went straight down and was killed instantly.
Taxi for Reichelt!
He should get his coat. Or not.
I mean normally I've got some sort of argument back to all these, but you've written them
as such obvious absolute bollocks. I've literally nothing to contribute to this.
Okay, third one. Where did one go?
Face. No, but where did he go? Did they just say he was never seen again?
Yeah. So what, was he obliterated or what? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, okay. Just blown to bits. Gwnaeth un ddod? Yn ffas. Ond dydw i ddim wedi gweld y llun. Ond ble wnaeth e ddod? Wnaeth e dweud ei fod wedi'i weld eto? Ie.
Felly, a oedd e'n ysgafn?
Ie, rwy'n credu.
Ie, iawn.
Yn ystod y bwysau.
Ie.
Nifer tri.
Aler mimi, mae'n Marie Curie.
Nid yw, nid yw, nid yw, nid yw.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti.
Wyt ti. Wyt ti. Wytors. Yeah, I know, I know.
I love that some of you just went...
This is why you should never take a risk.
There ain't no curie for what ails Marie.
You're a prick. You're a prick.
This... This was... This was the Wally who spent ages making magic potions in her lab,
only to come a cropper because of them.
Imagine spending so long...
You know we now have to end the show with this.
Yeah, well, wait till you hear the last line.
Imagine spending so long on making something,
and then it turns out that that thing is killing you.
Radium fail.
So...
Well, Ed's certainly ensured that we'll empty the venue easy enough.
Is that the end of your amazing deaths? Yeah.
Is that the end of your amazing deaths?
Yeah.
I'm going to... I'm going to vet them next week.
OK.
Right?
Yeah.
Well done on that.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.
I'm sorry.
Thank you very much for coming in so much.
Appreciate it.
I'm Ray Peacock.
This is Ed Gamble.
We shall see you again another time.
Thank you.
Thank you.
We shall see you again another time.
We shall see you again another time.
We shall see you again another time.
We shall see you again another time.
We shall see you again another time.
We shall see you again another time. We shall see you again another time. All music by the finalists, The Peacock and Gamble podcast will be priestly performed by Rain Peacock
and the rest of the cast.
All music by the finalists, except
the last one, which is performed by
Frank Seifert.
The Peacock and Gamble podcast is a
ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk
See you next week.
Is handicap even allowed as a word now?
In golf, in golf, definitely.
And, right, if your head is a bit cold, right,
and you're about to leave the house,
and you're like, oh, I need something on my head,
and then there is a cup just hung right there,
they go, oh, that's a handicap.
And then that is allowed then.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
There are the two situations where you're now allowed to say how many cups.
If there is a how many cups.
Are we finished yet?
It's not strictly a fringe show, is it?
No.
I mean, would you believe that this is costing us thousands of bucks?
No.