The Peacock and Gamble Podcast - The Peacock and Gamble Podcast: Episode 83

Episode Date: August 30, 2020

"Episode 83" from archive.org was assembled into the "The Peacock and Gamble Podcast" podcast by Fourble. Episode 84 of 128.

Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'ch wyliadau... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Ac mae'n clapio. Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...

Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.

Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.

Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.

Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. night at the proms. Albert Hall has never seen the last night at the proms and that is one of the saddest things about his life. And imagine if you were called Wembley Arena. Yeah! Go. You know, it's times like this when you realise just how lucky you are. You've got a gamble podcast. That's what we are called. Episode... Yeah, no idea.

We don't know. It's a fairly easy thing to check, but we thought we'd just go into this blind. It's not easy to check, because on my computer where I store them, because I store all the podcasts on a separate hard drive, on an external hard drive, I store podcasts, normal porn, and child porn.

Oh, I'm warning you. What are you giving that away? Oh, God! You shouldn't have said that. That's how they got Gary Glitter, isn't it? Yeah, on a podcast, on his podcast. What an idiot. Yeah.

That's me, Ray Peacock, by the way. I'm the one with the hard drive, so don't, please, don't be going to arresting Ed Gamble over here. Yeah, hello, I'm Ed Gamble. All my child porn is under the mattress. Oh, no! We've done it again. Anyway, nice to see you.

Thank you for coming. This is the first podcast for a while. It's 80-something. 80-something. I think it's very much like ages, that when you get over a certain one, you just couldn't give a fuck anymore. Because when you're young, they go,

how old are you? And you go, like, 13 and three quarters or something. And when you ask your gran, she just goes, oh, something. I'm older than the sun. I'm older than the son. I'm older than the son? And younger than my teeth. Yeah, that is the saying, isn't it?

We will be doing a lot of sayings today because while we've been away, me and Ed, becoming TV stars. Why have we been doing that? No, yes, we have. We were on Russell Howard's Good News the other day

and I am on Not Going Out in a new series and Ed has done a voiceover on Greg Davies' DVD. So don't be saying that we are not TV stars because all those things

happen on the telly. All those things happen there so we are definitely TV stars and we are filming a pilot in a week

or so. God in a week. We're doing it in a week. It is like 12 for some reason. It's a wide bit away but the

other thing we've been doing in our office where we write all our brilliant television programmes is we sometimes just sit around and we will go, oh, let's talk about our favourite sayings. Yeah.

And Ed just done one then. That one, of course. I'm older than the sun, but not as old as my teeth. That famous one. There's the other one, isn't there, about the greenhouse? Glasshouse. Yeah. If you live in a greenhouse, then put some clothes on.

Yeah, put some clothes on. Yeah, put some clothes on. The grass is always greener when you paint it. Yeah, that's brilliant. All the brilliant stones. Yeah, sticks and stones come from the forest, but names are made up in your mouth. That is a very famous one. And also,

by the way, sticks and stones is very important saying today, given that today is Sunday, and last night me and Ed were abused... On Twitter. On Twitter. For quite a long amount of time. Yeah, just for being nice boys.

Yeah, just for being nice boys on the telly and being a little bit silly, and then everyone went, right, stop doing that, being silly on television. Getting on my tits like children at a wedding. Yeah, you're getting on my... Yeah, yeah. That's a good point, actually.

We were on telly last night, right? Being, like, messing about and being a bit backward and that. Right, and everyone's on Twitter going, oh, no, this is... Get him off the telly, get him off the telly. Yeah, two weeks ago, children in need, they're all going, oh, it's so sad. Oh, it's such a shame, isn't it?

I'll give them loads of money. Fuck you, you hypocrites. All we did on Russell Owens Good News was children in need. That is all we did. Anyway, welcome to the show. Yeah, welcome. We've been unfair ourselves there. We weren't criticised on Twitter. We were criticised by some people.

Yeah, yeah. We thought it was worse than it was. Yeah. Until I worked out that we were searching the wrong thing. You worked out a system for Make Us Feel Better. were criticized by some people yeah yeah we we thought it was worse than it was yeah until i worked out that we were searching the wrong thing you worked out a system for make us feel better well no it was totally true because if you put in in a search peacock space gamble yeah then that was 50 50 people loving it yeah people really not liking it yeah right and we were like oh god half the people don't like it yeah but if you then put at peacock gamble or just peacock gamble

which is the address of our Twitter. Everyone liked it. Everyone liked it. A couple of little dissonant voices. But yeah, so it was 75-25 in our favour. I like that you went away and went, right, well, if you're going to be horrible about us, I'm going to work out a mathematical formula. I just imagine you sitting in your tiny little office with things all over the walls.

Like mathematical symbols, like 7 or Good Will Hunting It's definitely the sort of thing that Dave Gorman would do that Dave Gorman would definitely do that I wasn't bothered at all, I was at a gig I wasn't bothered at all with my calculator I wasn't bothered until I spoke to you I was actually quite fine, I'd been following it on Twitter

a little bit because I was at a gig and it was fine and I'd said, I'd called it last week saying it will really divide them as an audience but that's a good thing isn't it

I think if you type in any comedian into Twitter you'll see loads of people saying they're the worst thing in the world and loads of people saying they're the best

thing in the world we do have a tendency to self-sabotage so even in that first intro we've just done we were saying everyone was saying it was shit

and then they weren't at all no but that's just it's always funnier isn't it yeah my body started self-sabotaging. Your body? Yeah, on the day we recorded it.

Yeah. Put my back out. Yeah, put your back out. Put my leg out, which I've never done before. I don't know what that was all about. The leg was in love with your back and just followed it, isn't it? Yeah, just spasmed up. The thing is, if your back goes out, your leg's going out with it, mate.

They are in league. Yeah, more about the kidneys, because my kidneys have played up a little bit as well. Yeah, but they're always doing that, aren't they? Yeah, stupid fucking things. Naughty boys. because their kidneys played up a little bit as well. Yeah. Yeah. But they're always doing that, aren't they? Yeah. Stupid fucking things. Naughty boys. Dirty kidneys. And I'm not allowed coffee anymore.

No. But what's that you've got there? Cup of coffee. Cup of coffee. Yeah. I'm going to do, when I go to the doctors, what I want to say is

this is what I want. Yeah. You know the old coffee filter machines and you just put a piece of paper in it? Yeah. I want one of them

put in the bottom of my neck. Right. Right. So I can drink the coffee and then it goes through the filter so all that is then the bottom of my neck. Right. So I can drink the coffee. And then it goes through the filter. So all it is then is water in my body. Right. But, mate, don't you like coffee for the effect it gives you?

So when you're tired, you're like, oh, I need a coffee. I'm driving back late. I need a coffee. Cup of coffee. Cup of coffee. But isn't it the effect of the coffee that you like? Oh, coffee.

Why are you just saying coffee? Because that's this week's food. No, mate. Coffee. What? It's too early for this. I love your coffee. What if you just saying coffee? Because that's this week's food. No, mate. Coffee. What? It's too early for this. I love your coffee. What if we have new listeners?

Drink some coffee for a bit. This is, sorry, Ray does a section called Ray's Food or Drink that you've not had in a while and Ray says the food. Coffee. And that makes you want it or drink. Yeah, or drink. And it's coffee. It's coffee this week.

Right, okay. Go on then. That's it, coffee. Just have a nice cup of coffee. Right. I'm not allowed it, so that's all. This is the worst comeback in the history of the world, apart from Spandau Ballet or Steps.

It's not a comeback, this. We're not coming back. Are we not? No, we're not. Well, is that the plan? Oh, no, I just thought, it's still not counting as a little comeback. What, just doing one?

Someone would come back and do a big one-off gig. I don't know. Would it be a comeback gig or a reunion? But is it even a reunion? Because I see you pretty much every day. Actually, and that's the other thing. People go oh the end of the podcast

the end of the podcast. We are still doing stuff together. Yeah some people kill themselves. But guys come on we're still doing

stuff together right but this might be something that you have to leave your house for. Yeah. It might be something.

You might have to put some pants on for our other stuff. And you've been really nice and supportive of the podcast and that's great but come on guys

pop some trousers on. Pop some trousers on and come out of your bed sit. I think as a fan base you've got a very lackadaisical attitude to trousers. Yeah.

As a fan base you've got fatter and fatter. You've literally just sat there going And just because you're fans of us you don't need to sit there

and get fatter. Don't emulate it at all. Laugh at it if anything. Just because we don't sell t-shirts don't go well I want some merchandise or I'll just have to grow it on my own body imagine if we did sell t-shirts at a gig it'd just be fucking loads of lads going I'm not gonna get in that

because that's what I do at gigs I go how big's that extra large and they go well it's not won't get me arming that it's mainly really to promote King's Place so King's Place is this Thursday and then we've got Theatre Stute

what day is that on Saturday on Saturday we think yeah we've got we see we've got to do a thing on Sunday

and we're worried about it so we're going to check the ticket sales yeah they're the last two this year they are yeah we did have

Hertfordshire University but well we never really did well we thought we did we were told that we had it and we put it in our diaries and stuff and yeah sure

other gigs rang and said can you do this and we said no we can't we're going to Hertfordshire we can't wait we're at Hertfordshire University unfortunately and then you know

a couple of emails dripped through saying oh they're a bit worried that you're not going to fit in their hall they're a bit worried that you won't be able to perform the show in a bin out the back of the venue

yeah they don't know if it'll fit in there whether your screen will fit in the little rabbit cage they're going to put you in so we thought yeah okay we'll try and sort it out and then you know you know if it'll fit in there. Whether your screen will fit in the little rabbit cage. So we thought, yeah, okay, we'll try and sort it out. And then, you know, you know how it is.

Like three months went by and nothing was sorted. And then, you know, I went, I'm going to ring him up. I'm just going to ring him up, rang the bloke at the venue. And, you know, and then a few weeks go by, he's not rung you back. And then eventually you just go, do you know what? I can't live my life like this this is ridiculous so it's gone to where

we're not doing it it's gone bye bye I saw someone on Twitter saying they were looking forward to it so whoever you were I'm really sorry

it's not our fault it never is really is it so yeah there we go so this Thursday King's Place yeah that's the important one guys

the last ever podcast come on guys come on guys try us on try us on girls tops off Here we go, so this Thursday, King's Place. Yeah, that's the important one, guys. The last ever podcast. Come on, guys. Come on. Come on, guys. Try this on. Come on, try this on. Girls, tops off. So it's basically, who don't know,

Ed does Scowl on the Internet for Amazing Firsts and Deaths. They're mostly bollocks. Or true. No, I mean, it's not that they're true. It's absolute shit. You can find bollocks on the internet about anything. Oh, can you?

Find bollocks on the internet, you dirty pervert. Where do you find them? Bollocks.com? Crack on. I want to know if bollocks.com is a real thing. We've got Wi-Fi. Oh, we've got Wi-Fi now? Are we connected now? I am connected. What I would say about it, Rwy'n hoffi wybod a yw bollocks.com yn beth gwirioneddol. Mae gennym wifi. Ydym ni wedi cael wifi nawr? Ydym ni wedi cysylltu nawr?

Rwy'n cael cysylltu. Yr hyn yr ydw i'n ei ddweud amdano yw... Rwy'n gallu gwneud hynny ar y sgrin mawr os ydych chi eisiau. Nid, chi'n gallu, oherwydd rydych chi'n rhedeg cyfnod. Ie, ond gallaf ddod allan o gyfnod. Yn ystod hynny, rwy'n mynd i sgwrsio ar bollocks.com. A ydym ni'n rhaid i mi roi www arnau neu ddim? Dwi ddim yn gwybod, fath.

Dwi ddim wedi bod ar bollocks.com. B-o-l-l-o-c-k-s-dot-com. A ydych chi'n rhaid i mi roi www neu ddim? Dwi ddim yn gwybod, fi ddim wedi bod ar bollocks.com B O L L O C S dot com Efallai bod yna'r pwysau, felly byddwn ni'n gwybod. Bollocks.com, ffyniadau a chyngor, mae'r wefan hon ar gael. A ydym ni'n cael ei ddewis nawr? Cyn i bawb ffeindio ac y byddwn ni'n cael bollocks.com Sut y gall bollocks.com fod ar gael? Does dim un oed wedi cael bollocks.com fod ar gael? Does dim un oed wedi cael bollocks.com? Wel, roedd yn deithio at ddyn oedol,

B. Ollocks. Ac fe wnaeth hi ddod yn ffwrdd iawn a doedd yn gadael i unrhyw un ar ei ffwrdd. Felly, bollocks.com yw ar gael. Dylem bai bollocks.com, Ie. Ie. Oherwydd yna, gall rhywun ffymus ei enwi fel Ian Bollocks. Ie.

Ie. Ac yna maen nhw'n cael ffymus ar X Factor. Ac yna rydym ni'n... Mae rhywun yn mynd ar X Factor. Rydym ni'n gadael eu bateriaeth. Os mae rhywun yn dweud, o, mi fydda i'n mynd ar X Factor, y peth cyntaf rydych chi'n ei wneud yw newid eich enw o Ian Bollocks. Oherwydd dydych chi ddim am ddewis... Dwi ddim yn ymwneud â'r enw, dwi'n wirioneddol yn seriol.

Rhaid i ni bwyta bollocks.com. Rydych chi'n wirioneddol, ydych chi? Rydym yn gwybod pobl hanfod. Nid yid yw'n ei alw i'n Ian Bollocks. Ond gallem gael pobl rydyn ni'n eu gwybod i wneud Bollocks i mewn peth. Rydych chi'n gwybod Greg Davies. Iawn. Felly mae gen i ddweud wrth fynd i'r afael, O, Greg, gwneud Bollocks i mewn peth. Rwy'n gwybod Adrian Childs.

Byddaf yn dweud Adrian Childs i ddechrau mynd, O, o, ei ffynhwynau allai fod, oh, dyna bollogs.com. Ie, ie, ie. Rydw i'n gofyn, confiws.com. Rydw i'n gofyn, rydw i'n gofyn, confiws.com. Felly rydych chi eisiau Adrian Jackson yn y swniad y nos a dweud, gwelwch yn y swniad y nos, bollogs.com. Dwi'n gwybod, dwi'n cofio pan mae rhywun yn dweud rhywbeth. Mae hynny'n ffres cyffredinol iawn. Os mae rhywun yn dweud rhywbeth i chi, iawn, ac rydych chi'n dweud, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, r bollocks.com. And then what do we do with it? So what we've got now is we've got a website that is a phrase. So what are people going to do then?

Oh, that's a good phrase. I'll give money to the people who own a website that sounds like it. Put a big picture of bollocks on it. Right. So your idea is you want teenage girls to go and look at a picture of bollocks. Our bollocks! Our bollocks! We are tricking Listen, we are tricking Russell Howard's fans into looking at our bollocks! Our bollocks! We are tricking, listen, we are tricking Russell Howard's fans into looking at our bollocks.

Now that is a good story. Right, now, we're doing Theatre Stewart near Wrexham. S-T-A-W-T. Yeah, something like that. On the Saturday the 10th of December, right? At the moment. To a show, emergency broadcast, at the moment, right? At the moment. The last one may be Kings Place. So, you know, doing a little bit of publicity for these shows, bit of press. We've been doing some nice interviews,

haven't we, with local papers and the like. So we get a call. And it also, by the way, takes up a lot of our time, by the way, the publicity. Yeah. And we do it free of charge. We pay for it. Yeah. Because we pay a PR company. Yeah, but, you know, it works well for both sides. Yeah, it does. It does, apart from when you do a free of charge we pay for it yeah because we pay a PR company yeah but you know it works well for both for both sides

yeah it does it does apart from when you do a lot of PR for like say someone like Leeds yeah when you do like lots of PR for that yeah

or when you do PR for what was the other one that we had to pull in Yorkshire oh let us down yeah oh oh

yeah no so we're not we're not doing Yorkshire on the next tour no we're not we've decided to boycott Yorkshire we're boycotting Yorkshire so put that in your pipe and smoke it, even though none of you will care,

because you don't know we exist. No, it's really... I feel really let down by Yorkshire, because we were... We've sold really well everywhere, apart from Yorkshire. But boycotting it, nobody seems to want to come anyway.

That is like holding back, saying, right, I tell you what, people in Scotland, we are not going to sell you a jelly plane. What do you mean? I didn't know there was a jelly plane. Well, you'll never get one now. Too late, you'll never get one. Because there was one there.

There was one there available. There was, but you never heard about it. Yeah, it's like the old saying, isn't it? Always look out for a jelly plane because one day you might want one and they won't sell it to you then. And that is what's happening with us in

Yorkshire. I mean I'm getting the hint from Yorkshire. Oh yeah. Very very strongly. Right. I got hit in

Yorkshire the other day. You did you got slapped didn't you? In Leeds. Yeah. Original Oak. Yeah.

Which is a lovely gig. Went on there. It's nicer than the fake oak. And what you do is you do the library bar down the road.

Yeah. You do that first then you go and do the original oak. Very quiet gig. I'd say what you make. Yeah. And then you go and do the original oak very quiet gig um shh I'd say what you're making yeah and then you go and do the original oak

all the other way around you know so you do two gigs on one road in one night so I got there and they said oh there's been a girl mouthing off all night

this girl she's a lap dancer or something right in the room and she's told everyone that and she's been really loud and she's been really obnoxious and what have you I went okay

well I'm gonna just leave her alone so I went on did 20 which was absolutely lovely yeah like really really nice how long were you supposed to be doing I was doing 25 obnoxious and what have you. I went, okay, well, I'm going to just leave her alone. So I went on, did 20, which was absolutely lovely. Like, really, really nice. How long were you supposed to be doing? I was doing 25.

Okay, so yeah. You were well on your way to just leaving. Oh, I'd brought back a bit. I'd got the clothes already in my head. And then she, so she'd been talking

throughout it. There was one bit where I went, I'm from St Helens, and she went, I'm from Warrington. And I was born in Warrington, really.

I went, am I right? I went, oh, you and Kerry Katona, it's brilliant, isn't it? Then she went out on the phone and then came born in Warrington really I went oh right I went oh you and Kerry Katona it's brilliant isn't it then she went out on the phone and then came back in and went sorry I had a very important phone call

right and I was like I can't give a fuck and then I went what was it was it your boss at work saying you've got to stop fucking the clients

right but she really took against she got very angry about it sat down started shouting again saying you said you said I fuck all the men in here I went no I didn't

no I didn't I said you fuck your clients she went you're saying I'm a prostitute. I said, no, I never said you charged them. And on it went. I got so angry with her. She went, if you must know, that phone call was that my sister has just gone into labour. I went, what's that got to do with fucking anything. Yeah, and what, are you still doing it? Yeah, and I said that and she went, well, how was I supposed to know? And I went, well, was the bump not a fucking giveaway? She said she couldn't predict it. I was like, you fucking idiot. And then she started going,

and I'm not a stripper, I'm a dancer. And I went, oh, you're a lap dancer. She went, I am. And I went, right, well, you're not a dancer. She went, I am a dancer.

And I went, no, dancing is a bit of what you do. She went, I'm a dancer. I went, no, Wayne Sleep is a dancer. He doesn't do it with his cock out, does he? So anyway, it made the room really awkward. It really, you know, it ruined the gig.

And I shouted out and said, you have ruined the gig. You've ruined the gig because the gig has been you. And that is why the gig has been ruined. And nobody cares about you. It's a sad fight you have to learn in life. No one gives a shit. No one cares about your sister's baby. No one cares if you live or die.

No one gives a fuck either way. No one fucking cares. And then I went, anyway, knock, knock. And there was a big laugh and they went, who's there? And I went, oh, it's fucking her again. Thank you very much. Good night. And went off. Yeah, it's funny. Right? Then she gets up straight at me. I'm like, she's going to rip me. Definitely going to rip me.

Straight around the side of the head. Right? I push her away. Her boyfriend piles in as well. Yeah. Everyone just piles in. So that's what you're up against. But you're also up against... I'm sorry, I got slightly distracted there. You're also up against people interviewing you to help your career.

Now, this gentleman who interviewed us seemed like a lovely man. He was chatting on the phone, wasn't he? He told us some lovely anecdotes. Usually when you do press, you're expected to give the anecdotes. You're expected to tell the stories, but he had one for everyone we did. He said, where were you born? I said, Warrington. Oh, I used to be a copper in Warrington.

He arrested a complete slag so he's now a lapdog. A lapdog's a elite. He had a brilliant anecdote. Do you want to tell his anecdote now, or shall we? His anecdote was that he said that when he left the police force, he was a police diver, apparently. Yeah.

None of this made sense. He said to us earlier on, he said, yeah, I worked on the Warrington bomb case. The Warrington bomb was in the 90s. It was a horrible thing that happened. A bomb blew up in Bridge Street in Warrington. But then he said, yeah, because I was a police diver. And I thought, hang on, so go back.

So you worked on the Warrington bomb case, but you're a police diver? Do you know, hang on, so go back, so you worked on the Warrington bomb case but you're a police diver? Do you know, I've actually, when he said that, I've gone back and I've looked at news footage of the aftermath

and you can actually see one of the policemen turns up wearing flippers and a mask. And they all look at him like... Yeah, the chief is about to sort of

shake his head and then looks at the camera. Goes like that and just looks at the camera and the bloke just sort of waddles off. Just flops off. Yeah.

And he said that after he left the police force he worked at SeaWorld in Rhyl wasn't it? Was it SeaLife Centre or something? Somewhere, yeah. Yeah, I think it was in Rhyl. And apparently the Queen was going visiting it and they decided they wanted someone to clean all the shit out of the pool. This is what he said.

Out of the shark tank. And he went in there to clean it out and then the queen arrived. I don't know if she arrived early or what. But he was still in the tank apparently. He was still in the tank.

And apparently he wanted a wee for a while. What did he say? A combination of hot coffee and cold water. Yeah. And he said he's the only person to have ever done a wee

in front of the queen. So that was one of his anecdotes. Which isn't true anyway, because if you remember famously, Rod Hull, who had the emu puppet. He did a Royal Variety one year,

didn't he? And he'd had the emu puppet on all day. Ergo, he couldn't go to the lavatory in the daytime because the last thing you want near your knob or your flies is emu. Emu's beak. Yeah, because I tell you what,

he's known for grabbing all the things just ask aspel or snoop doggy dog yeah did the royal variety and let's be honest it was a triumph but then afterwards

in the lineup in the queue to meet the queen it got to him too much yeah combination of coffee and cold water yeah and doing the royal

variety all day yeah without being able to have a week because you've got an emu on your arm and we all remember the photo don't we yeah done it right in the queen's eye the Royal Variety all day. Yeah. Without being able to have a wee because you've got an emu on your arm. And we all remember the photo, don't we?

Yeah. That it right in the Queen's Eye. A horrible, a horrible thing that happened in show business. And a blight on the artist's benevolent fund. And of course, the man who was the diver,

you went off the phone, didn't you? But I stayed on the phone to him. Yeah. He did a wee in front of the Queen and also, he was the elephant who'd done a poo on to him. He did a wee in front of the Queen and also he was the elephant who'd done a poo on Blue Peter.

He was funny. He's a dirty devil. Yeah, he's a dirty devil. Anyway, he done us a brilliant interview. He done us a brilliant interview. In the main, he sort of took seed words from what we said

and then just ran with it and went with some stereotypical awful answers. I actually think that what he did was is he went away and went oh my tape's not worked. Yeah. And then went right, what would I say if I was Peacock and Gamble?

I mean I'm surprised he didn't suggest that we'd done a wee in front of the Queen. Because he's obviously panicked. Right, here we go. Comedy duo Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble are raring to go as they return to the stage following a couple of weeks off touring thanks to filming a TV pilot show.

But this is all fine because this is just his... That's his view on it. Yes, that's fine. He spoke to us. From what he gathered, we were raring to go. Their arrival comes hot on the heels of a Chortle Award 2011 nomination for their Peacock and Gamble podcast

and a hit run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Some minor niggles there, but we'll leave that. No, it's not. Just the S on his computer doesn't work. Ray, who hails from Warrington says quote marks

so this is a quote that has to directly have come from Ray's mouth. Audiences coming to our show should expect the unexpected. Definitely never said that. It certainly isn't intellectual stuff.

Might have said that. Just mad, childish, silly and way, way over the top. But above all else, very funny. At least we think it is. I categorically did not say that. I certainly didn't say it's mad. Yeah. I didn't say that.

And I did not say it's very funny. At least we think it is. Yeah. Or at least not in the way. This is tonally missing a massive thing, I think. Yeah. Which is basically sarcasm and self-deprecation. That's our fault, man.

That's totally our fault. That's completely our fault. We need to learn to not say those things in interviews because they will be put across wrongly. Yeah. Same as we need to learn to stop swearing when we do Radio 4 Extra. Yeah. Because there's a decent chance it'll get left in the edit.

Ed added, here I come. It is. What's he going to say? Here comes the gamble. It's a bit ramshackle and in the edit. Ed added, here I come. It is. What's he going to say? Here comes the gamble. It's a bit ramshackle, and we do fly by the seat of our pants. I'll say now, the seat of our pants, that's probably used in a press release, but he's just put that in my mouth.

Says ramshackle. Yeah, but so far the tour has been a great hit, and we are really enjoying it. Okay, you might have said that. I don't think I would have said it's a great hit. No, I've told you, mate. The S on his computer's not working. Now, the following sentence, I have never and never will say in my life.

What are you saying it now? Yeah, apart from this. You can't beat the rush you get from performing live. I never would have said that. You always say that when you come off stage. I texted you when I saw that. I would never say that because I don't believe that it's true. Right, listener.

Having a lovely wank. That beats the rough. Ed Gamble, right, when we do a Moji Broke, Ed Gamble, every night, right, comes off the stage, right, and does his toothpaste, right, and he comes off the stage

with his Joker make-up on. He puts a towel around his neck and goes, ooh, you can't beat the rush of performing. He does it every night. I don't know why he's saying now that he doesn't.

I said this as well, apparently. I haven't performed in North Wales before. I'll tell you why I never would no, he doesn't. I said this as well, apparently. I haven't performed in North Wales before. I'll tell you why I never would have said that. A, I have. B, I didn't know this gig was in North Wales. And I'm really looking forward to it. And the Stute, although I can't pronounce the name,

at least not properly, sounds like a really great theatre. Did you say sounds like a really great theatre? Absolutely not. No, you didn't, did you? No, I didn't. I didn't say Stute sounds like a really great theatre. Now not. No, you didn't, did you? No, I didn't. I didn't say it's stupid. Sounds like a really great theatre. Now, this, we can't do him for this,

because he didn't say we said this. Right. This is his description. This opens the next paragraph. The madcap pair got together at Durham University after Ray was booked to compare a show in which Ed was performing. Ed said, right, now this is 100% bullshit. That was it, really. We worked together,

did some writing together, and ended up at the Edinburgh Fringe. Yeah. We took part in the festival's longest running group comedy show, The Comedy Zone. I remember that year we did The Comedy Zone together. Yeah, ten years apart. Yeah. And had a pretty good reaction. So even in the lie, he's toned it down. Yeah, yeah, we had a pretty good reaction. So even in the lie, he's toned it down. Yeah, yeah. We had a pretty good reaction. We did alright at the comedy. Yeah, what we'd done,

we got together. You did it in what, 2002? One of the, I did it in 2002. 2002. I did it in 2009. We got together,

we compared our separate reactions. Together, that added up to pretty good. Yeah. And now we're saying we did it together. I'll be honest, mine was brilliant

and Ed's was rubbish so he just brought down the average. We then began our podcast, which is released every Monday for free on iTunes and Chortle.co.uk. Ray has since worked as a warm-up man for Russell Howard, Miranda Hart, Graham Norton and Lee Mack, plus

appeared on his shows while Ray has written for Mock the Week and asked for a Gilbert. Nice one, mate. I've done a lot, mate. I know I do it all, mate. I'm the best writer. Yeah, that was me. Were you not relieved when you saw that? Why? Well, that people don't know that it was you that wrote the Mott of the Week. I'd let the old funk fuck without. Race took a bullet for me.

So, King's Place, Thursday. Thursday, the 8th of December. 8th of December, mostly broadcast. Yeah. Last time at King's Place. That's the first half. The end of the show and the final ever podcast recorded

live at King's Place. In the second half. In the second half. Very exclusive night. More exclusivity. Yeah. By the way, if you get tickets

to go to King's Place, come and see Peacock & Gamble Overkill. You can get them on 027 520 1490. That's the phone number if you're a phone kind of guy. If you're a phone kind of guy or gal, that's where you get your tickets from. There's also, if you saw us on Russell Howell's Good News, you would have seen Naughty Keith, who was my brilliant little ventriloquist puppet, what I do. Now, Naughty Keith is also an emergency broadcast. We made two of those. There have only been two of them. And we made two because the first time

we did Naughty Keith we did some little tricks with him where he was thrown off a stage on one side and came on the other side. So we actually had two of them. And we've decided to give you the opportunity

if you come to King's Place on Thursday to win the other Naughty Keith. To win Naughty Keith Mark 2. Well, and it's Mark 1. They were both made at the same time. In fact, factually,

the one that we don't use now, the other one that's spare was the first one that was the first one I made yeah it's a slightly bigger yeah it's got a

slightly bigger head so you can win that it's going to be done very very fairly it's going to be done in a sort of raffle style yeah so you get a

raffle ticket when you arrive but one person at King's Place on Thursday will win their own Naughty Keith yeah

but you've got to be in it to win it yeah so get yourself down there 0207 520 1490 come here fist it

spent a lovely day with Bobby Ball the other week again no you didn't off Cannon and Ball rock on Tommy no you didn't you had your dream you read Off Cannon and Ball, rock on Tommy. No, you didn't. You had your dream.

No, I didn't. You read your Cannon and Ball annual and then you fell asleep with your Cannon and Ball annual on your chest like that and you dreamed that you and Bobby were skipping through the forest after having a picnic.

He was in Not Going Out Again. I was telling him about the double acts, about me and you being on Good News and stuff and he went, good, good, I'm glad. Because I was saying the other day, there aren't any double acts on telly anymore. So good.

And I went, oh, well, you know, there's no reason you shouldn't be. He went, no, I'm not bothered. I'm on to acting now, mate. But he was amazing. He's very inspirational. Yeah. You know, he really does sort of make you

re-fall in love with what you do for a living. Because he's very excited about it. And yeah, he's very supportive about all that sort of thing. But he said, Panto, this year, we're doing something different, me and Tommy. I went, oh yeah that he went well we're in lincoln in panto and lincoln you should come you should come definitely come to it give us a knock after go for a pint and he went um now tommy's been at me for ages to do this and i keep saying i don't want to do it tommy i don't want to do it tommy because and tommy's going it'd be funny i'd be funny i'm right i don't want to do it tomm because and tom's going to be funny i'll be funny all right i don't want to do it tell me but this year because tom is nearly dead i've decided to do it

no he said because he's dead soon i've decided to do it and the play of the ugly sisters oh cool in cinderella and then he was going but we then we thought what we do about this and he pointed his moustache yeah can't have that can you not if you're a woman so what we're doing we're being brokers men we're brokers men and we're broke And then we decide to go and pretend to be the daughters of this baron. Right. And that's why I've got a moustache. Clever that, isn't it? But if they're the ugly sisters, they can be ugly and have a moustache, don't they?

But you didn't mention that. No, it was lovely that he made it logical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That they wanted to do that. Yeah. And then he said to me, have you done Ponto? And I went, I've not, man. It's not something that I really, you know, I don't have any problem with anyone doing it.

Yeah. And I like it as a thing. Yeah, yeah. But the same as I've never been in a boy band. It's just not for man. It's not something that I really, you know, I don't have any problem with anyone doing it. And I like it as a thing. But the same as I've never been in a boy band. It's just not for me. And I went, I've not, Bobby, not yet, no. I said, not yet. Because I know that sometimes your career can go tits up and you can say you don't want to do panto,

but you end up doing panto every year. So I said, I've not, no. And he just put his arm around me, pulled me really close and went, get it done. Like it was a proper rite of passage. I could watch him'm not, no. And he just put his arm around me, pulled me really close and went, get it done. Like it was a proper rite of passage. I could watch him all day, happily. I really, but I took my Cannonball annual with me. Because I thought what we'd do during the show was that I would read bits of the annual.

And Bobby was going, I didn't write that. Don't be saying they're my jokes. I didn't write that. But there was a bit of it which was Q&A of Cannonball and I thought I'm going to ask Bobby all these questions

again. See if he gets the right answers. And we went through it. I went Bob favourite music and he went

oh Marvin Gaye and I went no Rod Stewart. And he got them all wrong bar one. When I went

favourite food and he went egg and chips and I went yep food and he went egg and chips and I went yep egg and chips he didn't even leave a beat egg and chips

like he was thinking about egg and chips then before you even asked the question like he couldn't wait he was lovely get home to have some egg and chips

and watch Appropriate Adult yeah that's what he said on his twitter yeah his twitter's brilliant on his twitter one day he said I'm watching Appropriate Adult

which was the biography of Fred West, the dramatisation of what happened with Fred West. And he put on Twitter, got the feet up, glass of wine, watching Appropriate Adult, life doesn't get better. It was wonderful. Yeah, his Twitter's fantastic.

You should follow him. It's TheBobbyBall, I think it is. Yeah. Yeah, on Twitter. But I warn you now, he retweets like a bastard. He really does. And if you ever have a go at him for retweeting,

he says things like, it's new to me, this, I don't really know what I'm doing. But he does by now. And then you feel awful about it. On the subject of panto, I've seen a lot of panto posters around, obviously. We're in panto season. We are, yes.

Why do they all have 3D representations of characters now? So they'll have the normal celebrities, you know, playing Cinderella or playing the genie or whatever. Yeah. And then in the bottom, it'll say... Idle Jack. Also featuring... Like, the one in Wimbledon is also featuring

Terry the Turtle in 3D. Oh, really? OK. And, yeah, all of them seem to have some sort of use of technology of a projection of a character that counts as a character. Well, they also, they went through a period, and they still do it, they have things like, I'm Mr Bean. Yeah.

And it'd be somebody in a, like Mr Bean, the animated series. Yeah, yeah, and it'd be an animated version of it. Spider-Man was another one that was franchised out, and a special appearance in Spider-Man. Yeah, but it just doesn't fit, does it? I know Pantos aren't, you don't go to Pantos for realism, necessarily, or you don't go,

I really like the wire, I'll pop over and see the wire of the Pantos. Yeah. But you do expect the first fucking Spider-Man to not

turn up in Jack and the Beanstalk. I don't know, you know, I think the only thing I expect from a Pantoman is a Grease Medley. As long as it's a

Grease Medley, I'm upping me, really, at the end of the day with Panto. Well, last time I went to a Panto, Henry Winkler was in it, aka The Fonz.

I know about this story, yeah. Yeah, they did not mention The Fonz. In his contract. Clearly in his contract, he'd gone, well, I'll come do The Panto, but you do not bring up The Fonz. I will not at any point

come on and go, eee. Yeah. Or anything like that, which I believe The Fonz did go, eee. The only concession they had is they had sort of slightly 50s rock and roll music

as his entrance. Okay. And I don't like to see that. That put me off Henry Winkler a little bit, because that's why he's doing Panto, because of the Fonz. Was it definitely a contract, though? I saw Chris Akabusi in Southampton.

Yeah. Oh, you couldn't stop him going on about record breakers. He came on to record breakers, he gave it an awooga, he came on, he went, rah, rah, rah, alright, alright. To the extent

it nearly ruined the panto was it definitely in Henry Winkler's contract though because when you say that story you always say

it's in his contract it must have been so you're presuming I'm presuming it was because surely if you've got Henry Winkler in panto you'd make at least

one reference or one joke about the phone imagine if it wasn't in his contract. And he was there all day. Like literally,

and people are going, who's that? I think he's an old actor from something or other beginning, but be respectful to him. And he's in the

corner, like, just sort of, he's got a frock on. He's got like a leather jacket just hid behind his back, just waiting to do it.

Don't mention it in a minute. You alright there Henry? Enjoying yourself? Yeah, nice. He's great. Great, really

enjoying myself. Happy days. That's good, that's good. Oh, I can't hear any music. Shall I? I might go and hit the jukebox in a minute. Is there a jukebox on the stage? Sorry, guys, I've just had a bit of a memory loss thing.

Do you know what letter comes before B? Because I'm... Oh, that's it, that's it. A. Oh, what's that? I think Henry's gone mental. What's that? I can hear something in my dressing room.

Oh, yeah, I think my phone's ringing. I think my phone's ringing. I'm going to go and get my phones. Why does Henry keep calling his phone his phone? Just spent the entire pantomime just sulking about it. Just sat in a corner sulking, and there's all runners walking around, and people, like stage managers and that,

going, he's a bit up himself, isn't he, for someone that just presented Go For Gold 20 years ago? Hey, mate. Something happened to me since we've been away. One thing. One thing's happened in four months. Yeah, one thing's happened, mate. Got flashed. You got flashed?

Yeah. By a speed camera? No. By a man, right? Oh, really? Wow, okay. At Vauxhall Station, there is an outdoor urinal. Okay.

Which I think is supposed to make it more acceptable to go for a wee outside. Did you use it? To me, that is just going for a wee outside and I did use it because often I get to Vauxhall and I'm desperate for a wee. Do you know what? Ever since you had your knob done, you get it out at every opportunity.

If you can show it off in public, you're more than happy to get your knob out. Open a wall that's an outdoor urinal look at this look at the nice job they did it's a look at that

it looks like a bullet now doesn't it it looks like a bullet it does a bit look at that it looks like a posh shampoo no more bullet but a really

really really like quite big for a bullet quite big for a bullet yeah you can say it like Ed Gamble's knob right it's big for a bullet quite big for a bullet yeah you can say it like my Ed

Gamble's knob right it's big for a bullet and small for a knob exactly small for a knob

big for a bullet yeah absolutely get it on a t-shirt big for a bullet big for a

bullet Gamble mine's big for a bullet the thing is because I have to get to

Vauxhall I really need a wee right and it's 15 minutes train journey and sometimes I have to wait for the train and there's no toilets on those trains so I have to get to Vauxhall, I really need a wee, right? Yeah. And it's 15 minutes train journey, and sometimes I have to wait for the train, and there's no toilets on those trains. No.

So I have to go for a wee. So outdoor you're right, and you're the only place to go. But your train journey is 15 minutes? From Vauxhall to my house, yeah. So you can't handle 15 minutes waiting for a wee? No, because often I'll be on the tube for 20 minutes, 25 minutes, and I will have needed a wee during that. So I'd already be desperate.

This is happening at TV warm-ups a lot. Well, can I just say as well that diabetes often means that you need a wee during that so I'd already be desperate this is happening at TV warm ups a lot well can I just say as well that diabetes often means that you need the toilet more desperately

alright well I'll give you that then alright I'll allow that but generally speaking I've found and I don't know why you don't

just go to the hospital with your diabetes I think it's now got to a point now it's time now for you to go and get medicine

for it I went to the hospital the other day mate what for you have diabetes I've got it I I went the hospital the other day and they said oh you've got a rash I think they said oh you've got the rash that means you've got diabetes on the end of your on the end of my penis on the end of my big for a bullet right yeah you're all big for bullet diabetes right yeah and they said that will clear up in absolutely no time

and antibiotics in your give me a lolly. So well done. Lovely, lovely. But I have found I could start... I could say I was in Leeds, which hopefully I never will be again. Set off on a journey, top of the M1, and just go, do you know what? I want a wee when I want to get home.

And I could do that drive. Right, okay. I could deal with it. See, quite often I could, but bear in mind that the time I was talking about, and quite often when I have to use that urinal, I have been drinking beer in London. Absolutely fine.

Cut down on the beer. I have now. I have now because I got flashed. So I went in this outdoor urinal, having a lovely wee out in the cold, right? Nice. Then it was just normal bullet, right, because of the cold. Yeah, a little bullet. Yeah.

Cut your little bullet out. Got my 9mm out, right. And there was a man come and stood next to me at the urinal. I thought, hello. There we go. Now, the gentleman obviously got his woolly wadger out because you can't just go in your trousers. Otherwise, you might as well do it anywhere.

Yeah, don't bother. Don't bother going to the urinal. Just stand there, do it in your trousers. He then, I don't think it was a proper flashing. I think it was more having a laugh because his friend was waiting for him. He then waved his penis in my direction, flopped it about right. Yeah.

And he went, look, I won't do the accent. Do the accent. Look at my Nigerian, look at my Nigerian banana. Look at my Nigerian banana, big Nigerian banana

and started flopping it at me. I nearly thought, is this something I should join in with and go, oh, look at my Wimbledon chipolata. Look at my little

Wimbledon bonnet. Wow. Yeah. And was it, was it a joke? It wasn't a sex thing? No, it wasn't a sex thing

because his mate was laughing. But maybe his mate was laughing. But I tried not to look at it because if you look, if you look it in the eye, then, you go, he might go,

what are you looking at my penis for? I don't think he would. I don't think he'd say, look at my big Nigerian banana he might go, what are you looking at my penis for? I don't think he would. I don't think he'd say, look at my big Nigerian banana and then say, why are you looking at my big Nigerian banana? But people try and trick you into fights. I've had that before. People come up and say, what are you looking at me for? What are you looking at me for?

Yeah, I get that. And I say, why would I want to be looking at you? And they're like, what, what, what? Yeah, I get that. But then they hit me and I have to go home. I've never known any fight start with someone walking up and saying, look at my penis, getting the penis out and then saying, why are you looking at my penis? I don't think that's ever happened, has it?

Or maybe, if I look down, he would be making a circle with his finger and thumb and then I've looked through that and he's allowed to punch me. And there's nothing there. His penis wasn't there. Yeah, it wasn't even there. Look at my Nigerian banana. Or I might have looked down and he has got a banana imported from Nigeria. It's a little tale as well, speaking of not going out.

It's a little tale. I want to get that looked at, mate. Yeah, I had it looked at on Sunday. Your little tail? Yeah. A gentleman at the hospital, I'd look at it. Oh, your pain?

Right. Yeah. I'd look at it. He went, do you mind if I examine your genitalia? And I went, you're definitely a doctor, aren't you? Yeah.

Because you've not shown me a pass on often. You don't have to show your pass. I think you just assume that if you're in a hospital then they are a doctor. And I'm not messing, right? Yeah. No excuses,

because I'm not massive anyway. Yeah. But no excuses. It was freezing. The weather was, or your penis? No, outside. Just simply your penis.

My penis had been out in the weather. Right. And then came in and it was, oh, it was cold. It was cold that night. It was cold that night. I could actually feel

he was struggling with it. Getting it out. It was just skin, was it? I think he looked at the end of it so he had to pull it back a bit and I could just feel it was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, anyway.

And not going out the other night something happened in the show where there was a discussion on stage about gay porn and Lee Mack shouted from the from the stage to me he went

I was doing the warm up yeah and he went have you ever seen any gay porn on the internet Ray and I went well actually Lee I got slightly obsessed once with a man called

Richard the Wanker who um it was a 58 year old man at the time who masturbates on the internet and films it. I said, films his self-pleasure on the internet. And he just stared at me and went, why? Which is someone we used to talk about

in the old Ray Peacock podcast. It was in the old Ray Peacock podcast. Ed used to do it every week. And he was like, why? And I went, oh, he sort of presents it like a TV show. And he goes, oh, come on, wank along with me. And he was just really laughing. And anyway, they started the next take of the scene.

They got about, I'd say, two minutes into the scene and Lee just went quiet and viv the floor manager said lee's line and he went i know i know i can't get rich in a one car on the edge Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn.

Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn.

Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'ethau fel hyn. A'r ffordd rydyn ni'n cymryd ymddygiad â phobl ac yn codi eu llythyr bach yw gan ysgrifennu'r llythyr gan ddyn yn teulu o blant sydd â chynnydd anodd iawn. Yn y bryd hynny, roedden ni'n cael ei ofyn gan ychydig o ddysgwyr i fynd i mewn a'i trafod, ac roedden nhw'n ddysgu iadiddordeb iawn â'r cwrs, felly dechreuom ni'n ei wneud.

Yn ystod hynny, y man a ddod i mewn i'r cyfarfod, wedi gadael y cyfranogwyr. Yn y dychmygu, yn debyg, yn ystod y cyfarfod. Yn llythyr, rydyn ni'n rhedeg ac yn dweud, «Dw i ddim yn gweithio yno o'r fwyaf. Doedd hi ddim yn gwneud hynny yn debyg. Yn ystod y cyfarfod, rydyn ni'n golygu, bod yn ein cyfranogwyr yn ein gilydd i ddweud adew, ac wedi llwyddo'r drws. Dyma ni, llythyr o ddynion'n golygu bod yn ein cysylltu â ni i ddweud adeg ac maen nhw wedi llwyddo'r drws.

Dyma ni. Llyfr cyllid gan ddwy fwyrn a chymdeithas. Dduw! Dwyf Michael Jackson! Mae hynny'n topigol. Wel, mae rhywun yn anodd, ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r You may not remember me, but I am a woman from a family. My family consists of me, my husband, who is a roadie for a Kiss tribute band from Buckinghamshire called Smooch, and my son Fraser, who by now is basically a watermelon head teetering precariously on top of a pile of sausage meat. With Gallagher still behind him. I would never say that he was ugly,

but we once put him in the field and the scarecrow ran off screaming. if Gallagher stood behind him. I would never say that he was ugly, but we once put him in the field and the scarecrow ran off screaming. Anyway, enough about... Can I just stop you? Because you just pronounced ugly like Duffley and Celeste. You went ugly. He don't got no alibi. Anyway, enough about that shovel of guts.

I've got a bone to pit with you. I don't actually have a bone, Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.

Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.

Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Hey, come on mate, why did you kill Michael Jackson? Are you more of a Prince guy or something? Haha, just a joke there I know you are probably in a bit of a tizzy right now over this whole MJ snafu

But everyone has got time for some brilliant humour In fact, here is another joke to cheer you up Doctor, doctor, I can't sleep Well, have all these drugs until you die then Gwylio'n hyfryd. Yn y ffaith, mae yma ddyn arall i'ch cymryd. Dr. Dr. Dwi ddim yn gallu gofio. Wel, cael yr holl ddynion hynny hyd at i chi fyw ymlaen. Nid yw'n y peth mwyaf yn y byd, ond pan es i'r llyfr, meddwl bod hi'n debyg iawn i chi. Ond yn wirioneddol, meddwl sut ambell ffans Jacko ydynt ar gael yno ac maen nhw i gyd yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn I joke, but this is part of my complaint as well. Fraser was a massive fan of Michael Jackson. It was so positive for him to see another one doing so well.

And he loves all his music. He loves it so much that he even dances to it. When I say dance, I mean that the mound of meat under his head would vibrate to the rhythms like the pink muck in Ghostbusters 2. You put on Billie Jean, it's like watching a fat woman holding a jelly on a coach going over cobbles. In that it is hugely erotic. Back in the day, Fraser was so upset by the allegations that Michael was being handsy with young boys, mainly because he wasn't one of them. He used to lie in his bed every night with his windows open, playing black or white, with little pants on, to try and tempt Michael Jackson in. And every time we drove past a fair, he used Landon, gosod ei ddyn allan.

Felly gallwch chi ddychmygu beth roedd yn ein tŷ pan oedd Michael Jackson wedi marw. Roedd fy mab yn cyrraedd o'i swydd yn cwpio r� bwydo a phwydo i rai mwy byrach, a chyflawni'r adnoddau. Roedd Fraser yn cael ysgol, felly roeddem wedi'i dynnu ar y lline i'w gyrru. Roedd y ddysgwyr adnodd, roedd yn y cwbl Cymraeg, Christian Gurrw Merthie, yn dweud bod Michael Jackson wedi marw. Roeddwn i'n ddysgrifnus. Roedd fy nghydweithiwr a fi yn ei hoffi hefyd. Roedd yn rhoi'r cymhwennu i ni, yn enwedig pan roeddem ni'n ddynnu Fraser o fwydo. Roeddem yn ei wneud oherwydd roedd yn ddynion halloween ac roeddem yn hoffi bod yn y tŷ gwaith gorau. Roeddwn i'n edrych ar gyfer Fraser ond doedd hi ddim ar y llinell unwaith mwy. Roedd e'n rhaid i mi glywed beth oedd wedi digwydd ac fe wnaeth ei ddynnu. Roeddwn i'n gweld llwyddiant gyda'i llwyddiant

wrth i mi a'i ddynnu iithered past me and up the stairs to his room. I ran after him but slipped on his trail. Which slowed me up somewhat. By the time I got there, it was too late. Fraser had eaten all of his Michael Jackson CDs. Apparently, he thought this would make him more like the King of Pop so he could carry on his legacy. But, fel y gallwch chi'n dychmygu, nid oedd ei llyfn yn cytuno. Oherwydd bod wedi'i chwylio'n ymlaen i lawr, roedd y cdau wedi'u rhannu i'r sardiau a'r hyn sydd

ar hyn o bryd yn llwyddo ar gyfer Fraser, yn y cyfnod oedd yn ymddygiad. Roedd yn edrych fel heddog dyfodol. Rydym yn ymdrech i roi'r cdau i'r ysbyty, ond roedd y cdau yn rhoi cymaint o ddyniaeth ar y llyfn, ac yn y diwedd, roeddem wedio roi'r cyfan i'r ysbyt, ond roedd y sbwyciau CD yn rhoi llawer o trapsiwn ar y llyfr, ac yn y diwedd, rydyn ni wedi penderfynu i ddibyn ac i fynd i wneud dim o gwmpas. Felly, mae Fraser yn dal i fod yn gwagor o'r bwrc. Diolch i chi am nad ydych yn darllen y sôl

o'r galpol yn dda. Mae fy mab a fi'n cymryd rhan o'r ffaith ein bod ni'n gallu ddod â Fraser ar ein llawr ac mae'n cymryd yn ei fath fel stwff o ninja. Ond mae'n dal i fod yn rhywfaint anffur, rwy'n credu. Mae'n bodoli yn brofiad trawmatig ac mae'r ymddygiad o'r llwyr yn wirioneddol ddwyol ac yn real. Ac gyda hynny, byddwn ni'n gwneud i chi ddewis am pryso'r 7 clywedau Michael Jackson. Eich boobly, Mrs Fraser. Y boobly'n hyfryd. Boobly's nice. I love it.

Thank you. So there you go, you stupid fucking pricks. That was a little podcast there for you. Now you're happy now. And now you'll all be going, oh, I didn't even enjoy it. Mate. Oh, it's because we've not done one for months. That's why it was shit. Mate. Because it was shit. Mate! Mate! Now you'll all be going, oh, I didn't even enjoy it. Mate! Oh, it's because we've not

done one for months. That's why it was shit. Mate! Because it was shit. Mate! What? Why are you getting so upset with them?

Well, it's them. No, it's not. They're lovely. No, they're not. They are. They're really nice. They're very supportive. Should be.

Our lot should all be fighting all them ones who were slagging us off. No, they shouldn't. They should all be going on Twitter proper picking fights with people. Well, they should be doing that.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, pick a proper fight with them. I do agree with that. Yeah. They shouldn't all be going on Twitter proper picking fights Well they should be doing that yeah definitely. Yeah pick a proper fight. I do agree with that. Yeah like there was one girl on Twitter right who said oh Peacock and Gamble's

a bit too panto for me. Dire. Something like that. Right. And I clicked on her profile right and she had YouTube films.

Her first YouTube film was Do I Look Like Lady Gaga. It was her with a fucking Diet Coke in her hair miming to a Lady Gaga song. Did she say a word to Panto?

You fucking idiot. See, this is what happens. If someone slags us off, we will find out background information on you. We absolutely do do this. I went on, by the way, all those dislikes on your videos, love, or whatever your name is,

that was me, that. I went through all your videos and disliked all of them. You can say what you like about us, or you fucking hate us, but never try and say we're not petty. Yeah, no, God, I say, you can slag it off all you want, right, but please don't think that we will

not hunt you down. Please don't think that we will not, at the expense of our own career, spend all our time finding stuff out about you and really manipulating it. If you take the piss out of us or say we were shit, I can find out your address within three hours. And in five hours, I could be outside your house.

I will be outside your house, sitting in the car, wanking. And you won't be able to do anything about it. Putting it on your letters when the postman arrives. And crying. Speaking of postman, my postman, I caught him yesterday. You caught him? I caught my postman yesterday because I have a little mailbox downstairs. And he was putting a red card in the mailbox saying

we're trying to deliver a parcel and I went oh I'm in mate, I'm in mate and he just stared at me and I went what is it? What have you? And he went I haven't brought it. That's outrageous. That's bad. Well that's the end of the podcast because me and Ed have got to go do some stuff on the internet now.

Yeah we've got to do little bits of research. Yeah we've got to hunt you all down. Thank you. So, King's Place, Thursday 8th of December. Yeah, that'd be nice. 8pm. Please come back. That'd be a nice end of the year thing for us. It'll be good fun. We've been through a lot, haven't we, this year, all of us together.

Let's all get together at the end of the year and reassess it. And we'll have a nice drink after, shall we? I'll have a drink afterwards. We'll sign all your busters and we'll get all your presents off you. Thank you very much. In advance, we'll give away a naughty key to one lucky winner. Yeah, it? A lovely drink afterwards. We'll sign all your busters and we'll get all your presents off you. Thank you very much. In advance, we'll give away a naughty key to one lucky winner. Yeah, it'll be lovely, mate.

Yeah, it'll be lovely. So please do come down on the 8th. Keep checking peacockandgamble.com. Peacockandgamble.com. Our website. There's a forum on there. Now, the forum might be going soon because it's not really being used.

But there's a mailing list, which is the important thing. The mailing list. Please do add yourself on the mailing list. Sign up for the mailing list. Yeah, the first one went out last Saturday or last Friday. Yeah.

But there'll be another one, there'll be one a month, basically. If you want to carry on using the forum, they have to carry on using it now because we're making a decision on that this week. And if it's not being used, we're going to get rid of it

because it just looks a bit weird, just like four people occasionally chatting about what computer game they're playing. All right, so there we go. Thank you very much indeed. We'll see you Thursday. See you on Thursday.

I love you. Oh, what? Oh God, I didn't say that, did I? Shit. Shit. The Cook and Gamble podcast was devised and performed by Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble

all music by the Tiger Lilies except for the last one which is performed by Frank Seidlerson the Peacock and Gamble podcast is a ready production hosted by

chortle.co.uk see you next week The Peacock and Campbell podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk. See you next week. Right, here we go for a very good section. I've done music with it as well. Right, brilliant. Get ready for this. It is... Read it all.

Here we go. Right. I'll read all that. Mmm, food! Mmm, food! Wait, hang on. Or drink! Or drink! That's it. And, uh, so you go... Right, very good, very good. Let's go.

There's a name on this section. Food! We're anxious to try it! It's the same bit of the song over and over again. Glorious food! Oh. What? It's Oliver.

Yeah, I know it's Oliver! Mmm! Food! That're anxious to try it! Food! This is a really good editing! It's a really good editing! Food! Wonderful food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Food! Food!

Racers are food! Food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Racers are food!

Racers are food! Food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Racers are, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,

food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, quickly, what's it there? Food! What the fuck? Mega mix. Mega mix? Yeah. Same bit over and over again.

Oh. Here comes Mr. Pumble. Why? This has no connection to food. Wait, listen. Catchphrases, catchphrases. Why? Listen. Wait.

That should be the music if you walk. This has got nothing to do with food. Dyd, dyd, dyd, dyd. Gwnaeth hyn ddim gael beth â phwyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd.

Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd. Dyd,dod i'r ospil. Ie, dwi'n meddwl y byddai'n cael ei ddod i'r ospil. Roedd hynny'n jingle hyfryd, ond... Dwi ddim yn gwybod beth oedd yn jingle.

Gynnydd mentol. Mae'n jingle o gyfranogiad mentol. Yn anffodus, bai'r jingle oedd am lai, ac ni allwn ni ei wneud.